Why only certain people "enjoy" the process? (Or is it something else?)

[luniac]

I've stumbled upon a book recently called:
FLOW
by MIHALY CSIKSZENTMIHALYI

It's a psychology book and is based on a lot of collected research

I'm only 30 pages in but a key message is to get absorbed in whatever you're doing, whether u enjoy the activity or not.
Happiness is a tricky thing, if you ask "am i happy?" you're no longer happy.

I'm an amateur athlete and have been familiar with the "In The Zone" concept for many years, but i've never though about it outside of a sports context.
The book has a sports section i haven't reached yet but i have a feeling that's what it'll be about.
I'm intrigued by this connection. Being in the zone 24/7. That might be true happiness.

The reasoning is that as humans we've historically always tried to find meaning in life, and end up depending on religion, or existentialism or whatever. But these are just distractions and eventually the mind once again wonders back towards questioning reality. And since as far as we know so far, we can't find this answer, it causes suffering and whatnot...

But when you're absorbed into some activity, hobby, or whatever, you're just not thinking about these unanswerable questions.
It's like happiness through distraction, but a fulfilling distraction, a long lasting distraction.

Watching TV is a distraction too but it's not quality like improving a skill or solving problems, etc. Simple pleasures for the sake of pleasure are also not the answer.

Anyway the book is real interesting so far!

Gotta thank sinister lex, he mentioned the book "A guide to rational living" and i looked up a cool summary discussion of it:
https://www.optimize.me/wp-content/uploads/A-Guide-to-Rational-Living.pdf

The summary mentioned the book FLOW, and well i found it free to read online so couldn't resist.

 

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[luniac]

Diamonds probably don't enjoy the process either....

But that pressure is ultimately what causes that rock to shine.

LMAO that's hilarious.

no man diamonds are slowlane!

Cubic Zirconium diamond machines are fastlane

 

[Paul David]

At the end of the day there is a science to achievement. You follow certain formulas and you achieve a certain result. Like a recipe. MJ and the Fastlane reveal one of these formulas. There's laws, there's steps, if you follow them -- you will find the success.

On the other hand there is an ART to fulfillment. What fulfills you will be drastically different than what fulfills me.

It is a **MUST**, not a should to figure out this part of life.

You can achieve all the success in the world, you can make everyone else happy -- but if you can't make yourself happy? If you can't master the art of being fulfilled? Well, you end up like a Chris Farley, a Kurt Cobain, or a Robin Williams.

Being fulfilled doesn't mean you're happy all day, every day. In fact, it usually takes a little discomfort to find out what your true path is and what truly fulfills you -- and the reason it's called an ART is that there are a million things you can do to be fulfilled... but I will warn you that not a single one of them involves an event.

You remember MJ talking about process versus event, right?

The challenge for most of us (me included) is that there have been several times in our lives where we think "if only THIS would happen, then I can be happy."

A financial goal, a thing goal, a relationship -- a whatever. 100% of the time though I guarantee the moment you hit a goal -- something you've wanted to achieve there will be a point where you say "is this all there is?"

It happens to every single human being.

Astronauts who go to the moon, return to a ticker tape parade, dinner with the president, and then they become alcoholics... because what is there to do once you've been to the moon? Something you've trained your entire life for? And you realize that EVENT that THING that you wanted so bad and achieved? Well it wasn't really the thing itself...

We're all looking for a feeling. An emotional state called happiness. Satisfaction. Pride. Winning. Whatever you want to call it. But the dangerous part about seeking the event over the process is that state is temporary -- that's why we all ask "is this all there is?"

So to answer your original question I'd highly recommend while you think being in love with the process is bullshit -- you must find a way to love it.

You must find a way to make the day-to-day work fulfilling because the danger if you don't is that you may end up bored, you may end up frustrated, you may end up lethargic, you may end up depressed, sad, angry, pissed off, you may end up feeling like "what's the point?", and ultimately you may end up living a life unfulfilled.

And I would argue that's the ultimate pain.

Where you let yourself become so dead inside that you can't enjoy the adventure of a smile. Where you won't let yourself get excited because you've been let down so many times that it would be foolish and naive to allow that to happen again. Where you spend 8-12 hours of your day slaving away at work that you hate, work that isn't fulfilling, work that doesn't support you.

I agree most people are saying they "love the process" simply because Gary V says it and it's cool. But I've got to say if you don't find a way to be fulfilled in your work -- there's a good chance it's going to lead to a miserable existence.

There's my 3 cents... I had an extra penny in my pocket today...

Very Interesting thanks.

So I've just woken up and checked my shipment in China to see if it's cleared customs yet. No it's still on hold. Has been for 3 days now. We've got no stock of 80% of our lines. Sales are down drastically.

My other supplier has sent me a Skype message saying an order is ready to ship and needs payment. I can't pay because of the delays from the first order has caused a major cash flow problem.

If I had money then the first problem wouldn't be great but certainly not as stressful as it's making me now and the second issue wouldn't exist because I'd simply pay for the goods.

Processes haven't changed but my enjoyment of them would be drastically different.

Of course I could be then unhappy about something else but at least it's on a rung higher up the ladder.





Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Kung Fu Steve]

Very Interesting thanks.

So I've just woken up and checked my shipment in China to see if it's cleared customs yet. No it's still on hold. Has been for 3 days now. We've got no stock of 80% of our lines. Sales are down drastically.

My other supplier has sent me a Skype message saying an order is ready to ship and needs payment. I can't pay because of the delays from the first order has caused a major cash flow problem.

If I had money then the first problem wouldn't be great but certainly not as stressful as it's making me now and the second issue wouldn't exist because I'd simply pay for the goods.

Processes haven't changed but my enjoyment of them would be drastically different.

Of course I could be then unhappy about something else but at least it's on a rung higher up the ladder.





Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I feel like you're confusing the word process with the word problem. And you might think it's semantics, but it's not. Language is SO important because the way we describe an experience becomes the experience.

This particular situation is what we call a problem. Sure it's a part of the greater process of building a business -- but that's what a business IS, finding solutions to problems and then delivering on that again and again and again.

Now the truth is you probably like dealing with some problems more than others, right?

You enjoy solving the problem of 'how do I collect money' or 'how do I ship this item' -- and I'm guessing you've already solved these problems. Or at least come up with a solution that's repeatable.

The challenge that you're having right now is frustrating and pissing you off because you haven't solved the problem yet.

And if I may be so bold -- the reason that is is because your emotional state in this moment is blocking your creativity -- blocking your resourcefulness.

When you're in a state of frustration, angry, lethargic, pissed off, overwhelmed, overloaded, sad, depressed you AREN'T going to come up with a bunch of different ways to solve the problem -- and this is where you are right now.

How do I know? Because if you only have 2 options -- you've failed. I don't know you so I don't mean to shove this in your face but from what I understand the only way you can solve the inventory problem is by paying the money... and the only way you can pay the money is if you get the inventory. No wonder you're in this zone!

If you were *in this moment* in an emotional state of gratitude, confidence, certainty, power, strength, happiness, joy, excited, motivated, creative -- you're going to say something like:

"Well what if I call the supplier and try to negotiate 90 day payments even though no one else has been able to do it?"
"What if I put this on a 0% interest credit card and then repay that in 90 days?"
"What if I ask a friend to invest for a couple of weeks while I solve this cashflow problem?"
"What if I find a different supplier that will work with me on this?"
"What if I can find a supplier that will supply smaller order sizes until I can afford a larger order?"
"What if I can partner with my supplier to create a win-win situation for us both?"
"What if I can partner with my customers to create a win-win situation?"

NOW you have options. When you have options you're in control. When you feel like you're in control? THAT'S when the process becomes fun. THAT'S where you turn this feeling of overwhelm into a feeling of POWER.

And if you think I'm just blowing smoke -- ask any of the top entrepreneurs on the forum here. The reason this community is so powerful is because when you're in a shitty emotional state you can call someone and say "hey man, I've got this problem. What do you think I can do?"

... which is kind of what you've done right here. Maybe the question in your next post should be "I'm having cashflow issues, what are some creative ways to solve it?" I guarantee you you'll find gold.

But last thing I'll say is that if you're in one of these negative emotional states you're going to respond to every one of those questions with:

"I can't. No one can. They said no. I don't have any friends. There aren't any suppliers. No one will do smaller order sizes. I can't partner with my supplier. I can't partner with my customer. That's stupid. That'll never work."

So to come full circle and answer the question one last time...

You've got to start from a place of gratitude, brother. If you aren't grateful for these problems you're having you have forgotten (in this moment) what a freaking awesome life you lead to be able to do something like this. Can you imagine the 60k-desk warriors who are going to be there for the rest of their lives until they get laid off? Can you imagine the people who can't start a business because they are terrified out of their wits at what you're facing now? You are a F*cking warrior -- a gladiator!

Look how much further ahead you are. Look at what you've already accomplished. Look at your mindset and how it's different than the vast majority of people around you. And then start to get grateful for the shit you've forgotten. Like your health, your family, your wealth, the roof over your head, the technology you didn't have to invent that you run your business on now -- hell the ability to HAVE a problem like you're currently having.

When you're grateful, when you're happy, when you're excited. You enjoy this thing we call a process.

No one said it would be easy. They only said it would be worth it.

 

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[MTF]

@MJ DeMarco - I think that @Kung Fu Steve's post should be featured.

 

[Paul David]

@Kung Fu Steve thank you. That certainly hit home. It is a problem that i haven't solved and it's getting to me. It has been for months if i think about it.

I would like to offer my sincere thanks for you taking your time to write such a long and detailed reply. And i would also like to thank everyone who's contributed.

I do have a friend who has always said he'll borrow money to me if i need it. My Dad has also said in the past that if i really needed it he would re-mortgage one of his properties. I hate asking anyone for money though.

I know my Dad will have a go at me, give me the 3rd degree etc. Even though he's got about 20 properties and i've never asked him for anything before. He'll really make me feel like shit. I was thinking about this the other day and i was with my 8 year old son at the time who's very clever and i said to him, if you ever need anything whether its support, money or anything else don't ever be afraid to come to me. I wouldn't want him to feel like i do now. I've actually been working my way towards asking my Father for months but just can't seem to do it. I know he's got a cash flow problem himself at the moment which hasn't helped. It's not easy picking up the phone and saying Hi Dad, any chance i could take you up on your offer of remortgaging something and putting £125k in my bank. Thanks. haha.

I suppose not knowing is the worst part. If i think about it, even if he does give me shit can it be worse than what i'm facing now? If he says yes then i would feel like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

Anyway i'm going on a different tangent now so i'll leave it there.....

 

[Van Halen]

I dunno man, I've struggled with the same feelings you have most of my life.

I've traveled a LOT...boring.

Nice cars...boring.

I took home about $80,000 last month...boring.

The only thing that worked for me was finding a "why" that was bigger than myself.

My kids. Charity work. My God. All bigger than myself. But still not enough...

My "why" ended up being the process itself.



This ^^^^

Earning money is in 4 layers:
1. Survival
2. Status
3. Freedom
4. Purpose

 

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[Kung Fu Steve]

@Kung Fu Steve thank you. That certainly hit home. It is a problem that i haven't solved and it's getting to me. It has been for months if i think about it.

I would like to offer my sincere thanks for you taking your time to write such a long and detailed reply. And i would also like to thank everyone who's contributed.

I do have a friend who has always said he'll borrow money to me if i need it. My Dad has also said in the past that if i really needed it he would re-mortgage one of his properties. I hate asking anyone for money though.

I know my Dad will have a go at me, give me the 3rd degree etc. Even though he's got about 20 properties and i've never asked him for anything before. He'll really make me feel like shit. I was thinking about this the other day and i was with my 8 year old son at the time who's very clever and i said to him, if you ever need anything whether its support, money or anything else don't ever be afraid to come to me. I wouldn't want him to feel like i do now. I've actually been working my way towards asking my Father for months but just can't seem to do it. I know he's got a cash flow problem himself at the moment which hasn't helped. It's not easy picking up the phone and saying Hi Dad, any chance i could take you up on your offer of remortgaging something and putting £125k in my bank. Thanks. haha.

I suppose not knowing is the worst part. If i think about it, even if he does give me shit can it be worse than what i'm facing now? If he says yes then i would feel like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

Anyway i'm going on a different tangent now so i'll leave it there.....

125k is a big loan. What is actually necessary to fulfill your purchase orders now? Or how committed are you to moving every unit to ensure that money get repaid?

We can talk emotion all day long but you also need strategy. If you're looking for a sunset and you run east as hard and fast as you can -- you'll never find it.

What are you selling? Is it a high end product? What would you do with the 125k? Could you accomplish the same thing with 25k? or 2.5k?

Within a few seconds you already became more resourceful -- keep it up!!

 

[MJ DeMarco]

@MJ DeMarco - I think that @Kung Fu Steve's post should be featured.

Done.

Also featured a few others.

Also marked GOLD.

 

[biophase]

I hear successful entrepreneurs say it quite a lot on motivation youtube videos or seminars.
Instead of focusing on the end goal, enjoy the journey and process along the way they say.

If you're making $25,000 a month or whatever your desired figure is then yes i believe you will be enjoying the daily process.

If i could afford to spend every school holiday away in the sun somewhere, drive a Range Rover, not have my wife work, be debt free etc how would i feel about spending this very same Monday. It would be great. I wouldn't want to do anything different.

Unless someone can perform a mindset change on me without evasive surgery i personally don't believe it's possible to enjoy the process unless you're a startup or have a desired financial income.

Read the entire thread. Your focus seems to be on not having money. Yes, it is stressful when you can't pay bills or business is going the way you planned. But this focus on if I just made money I would be enjoying the process is not the correct one.

I wouldn't being enjoying it either today. But in 2 months when things are going well, you will be enjoying it. Enjoying the process doesn't mean that every single day is fun. Shit, who wants to do their taxes or count inventory all day. It's the overall process that you should enjoy. If you end up in Dec 2017 + $100,000 profit you will probably look back and say that 2017 was tough but a good year!

It's not about the days, it's about how we string them together to make a life that is fulfilling.

In The Blink Of An Eye Everything Can Change

 

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[mindfulimmortal]

I hear successful entrepreneurs say it quite a lot on motivation youtube videos or seminars.
Instead of focussing on the end goal, enjoy the journey and process along the way they say.

Personally for the majority of people in business i think it's bullshit. If you're just starting out in business and you're all excited about how much money you're going to make, or how you are going to change people's lives, give them value etc then yes i believe you will enjoy the "initial" process.

If you're making $25,000 a month or whatever your desired figure is then yes i believe you will be enjoying the daily process.

For anybody else, especially those who have been in the process for a number of years when the initial excitement has long gone and you've not reached your desired level, i believe the process becomes akin to those who go to work for somebody else every day.

It's Monday morning now, it's raining as usual and i've just taken kids to school. I'm just about to go on my daily 3m run then i will sit down and start work for the day. I can work from home or go to the office, which is exactly how i like to work compared to having to sit in a car stuck in traffic like a lot of people. So that side is all well and good.

However i wouldn't say i'm going to exactly "enjoy" what i'm going to do today. I don't look forward to sitting at my screen all day whilst the rain pounds against my window. Sure it's better than a lot other alternatives and i don't wish to sound ungrateful but if i had woken up this morning and seen that i'd made my desired target X amount of sales would i enjoy the process a lot more? Hell yes.

If i could afford to spend every school holiday away in the sun somewhere, drive a Range Rover, not have my wife work, be debt free etc how would i feel about spending this very same Monday. It would be great. I wouldn't want to do anything different.

Unless someone can perform a mindset change on me without evasive surgery i personally don't believe it's possible to enjoy the process unless you're a startup or have a desired financial income.

There is a great book called Shop Class for the Soulcraft that examines the changes from building/making things (motorcycle, woodworking, etc.) to the move of more of an abstract services or information work. Back in the day we all were part of a process of building something physical. You got to see the results of your process such as a new motorcycle being driven off your lot. Today we sometimes don't see the customers result or solution being solved directly and the sense of satisfaction is challenging. There is no holy grail answer to make it more direct but understanding the process and what Costomer Jobs to be done are being solved helps.

 

[InspireHD]

The challenge for most of us (me included) is that there have been several times in our lives where we think "if only THIS would happen, then I can be happy."

A financial goal, a thing goal, a relationship -- a whatever. 100% of the time though I guarantee the moment you hit a goal -- something you've wanted to achieve there will be a point where you say "is this all there is?"

It happens to every single human being.

Astronauts who go to the moon, return to a ticker tape parade, dinner with the president, and then they become alcoholics... because what is there to do once you've been to the moon? Something you've trained your entire life for? And you realize that EVENT that THING that you wanted so bad and achieved? Well it wasn't really the thing itself...

We're all looking for a feeling. An emotional state called happiness. Satisfaction. Pride. Winning. Whatever you want to call it. But the dangerous part about seeking the event over the process is that state is temporary -- that's why we all ask "is this all there is?"

Wow, this one brought back a huge emotion and memory.

In 2014, I decided I was going to run my first half-marathon. To give me motivation I signed up for a Rock 'N Roll Half-Marathon. I like t-shirts and medals so it was a perfect fit. I spent all of 2014 training. I went from barely being able to run 5 minutes to being able to run for 2.5 hours. I ran in the rain and I ran on days it was 100 degrees. I had days I went to run and couldn't last 2 miles and had days where I was so in the zone I didn't want to stop. I ran a couple 5k races for fun and really enjoyed it.

Then, the big day came. I didn't run as fast as I wanted to because I was with a friend who kept stopping, but by mile 10 I left him and practically sprinted the last 3 miles. As I passed people on those final miles I could hear people making comments to each other about how fast I was going. It felt great!

Afterward, I went for a walk to stretch out and then when I went home I looked in the mirror and it suddenly hit me....."now what?" I trained so hard for so long, went through ups and downs, and dedicated so much time to running. Suddenly, it was over. What do I do now? I literally started to cry. I just finished a huge accomplishment for myself, but I felt empty.

I decided to sign up for another one on the other side of the US to do a little traveling. It eased the pain of that "now what?" moment, but I never really got back into dedicated running and after running a third half-marathon in 2015 I decided it was time for something new.

I just wanted to share this story because what @Kung Fu Steve is so true and it brought that memory back to me.

 

[SteveO]

Wow, this one brought back a huge emotion and memory.

In 2014, I decided I was going to run my first half-marathon. To give me motivation I signed up for a Rock 'N Roll Half-Marathon. I like t-shirts and medals so it was a perfect fit. I spent all of 2014 training. I went from barely being able to run 5 minutes to being able to run for 2.5 hours. I ran in the rain and I ran on days it was 100 degrees. I had days I went to run and couldn't last 2 miles and had days where I was so in the zone I didn't want to stop. I ran a couple 5k races for fun and really enjoyed it.

Then, the big day came. I didn't run as fast as I wanted to because I was with a friend who kept stopping, but by mile 10 I left him and practically sprinted the last 3 miles. As I passed people on those final miles I could hear people making comments to each other about how fast I was going. It felt great!

Afterward, I went for a walk to stretch out and then when I went home I looked in the mirror and it suddenly hit me....."now what?" I trained so hard for so long, went through ups and downs, and dedicated so much time to running. Suddenly, it was over. What do I do now? I literally started to cry. I just finished a huge accomplishment for myself, but I felt empty.

I decided to sign up for another one on the other side of the US to do a little traveling. It eased the pain of that "now what?" moment, but I never really got back into dedicated running and after running a third half-marathon in 2015 I decided it was time for something new.

I just wanted to share this story because what @Kung Fu Steve is so true and it brought that memory back to me.

Not sure what my point is but I am basically a lifetime runner. Not the prototypical one either. A little on the stocky side, poor lung capacity, not very tall, etc... But faster than shit!

But, I love to run. Miles and miles and miles...

I have run on teams, with clubs, solo, groups. I have run in almost every city that I visited. On almost every trail, road, mountain top, harbor, coastline, canyon... Through the grand canyon, the harbor in Tampa, top of mt whitney, golden gate bridge, death valley, inner city of Vegas, wilderness in Wyoming, Houston, corpus Christy coastline, everywhere in san diego, phoenix, Prescott, Hood to Coast in Portland, through the Columbia River gorge, on the beach in south of France, into the inner city of St. Lucia and out through the banana plantations, the list goes on.

I met my wife while running. I proposed to her in front of our running group.

Many years of team racing, marathons, adventure runs.

Running has been my life. Along with building a business, playing years of softball, raising kids, etc...

 

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[Yoda]

Many years of team racing, marathons, adventure runs.

No Western States 100? No UTMB?

Come back when you've done something.

 

[wade1mil]

I've been on both sides of this. The difference for me was scarcity mindset vs abundance mindset.
That's it.
Nothing is fun when you have no time, money or hope.

 

[Darko Jocic]

So, you wanna enjoy the process, eh? Well, let's analyze what seems to be the issue.

First, why don't we pinpoint exactly when you are not enjoying the process? It might surprise you, but, it's not while you're in the process. You feel dissatisfied with the process only in the brief(hopefully brief, that is) pauses you make in between resuming the process. A person can only focus on one thing at a time(you can look it up yourself if you need to), which means "multitasking" is a very fast shifting of attention from one thing to the next(had to mention it, since most people try to discredit this with "multitasking exists, so you're wrong").

So, while you're in the process, no problems. As soon as you stop being in the process, problems occur. Interesting...

Looks like you're stopping the process so you can think about how much better it would be if you had everything the process is supposed to provide for you.

Moving on. You say you need more money and traveling in order to enjoy the process.
- Ask yourself this: "Can two(or more) people feel differently about the same thing?", or: "Can someone have the money and the traveling, but still not enjoy the process?"

Obviously, yes. The world is vast, after all. So?

So, THAT IS the very point. If an object can be looked at from different perspectives, then it obviously ISN'T the thing that's creating the perspective.

Whoa, you've just solved your own problem instantly. 2 people feeling differently in the same circumstances is 100% legitimate proof that the feelings are entirely controlled by the person, as the person is the only variable. The environment stays constant.

"You said just money and traveling, but now you're saying everything except the person is the same!" Exactly. Why? Because relevance. You could get a brand new toaster for free today, but it's not what you think you need to enjoy the process. You've singled out money and traveling for a reason. They're relevant. Anything else could change, but you need those exact things to enjoy the process. Everything else is irrelevant, right?

Right. Well, not quite. Yes, everything else IS irrelevant, since you singled out what you wanted. And yes, money and traveling ARE important to you, because you've singled them out. Now, we've already proven that they, by themselves, can't help you(like, at all) to enjoy the process. But, they are important, still.

We all know very well what we want; What we need, not so much.

So, now, we've proven that what you feel, i.e. your perception, is fully within your control, you're the one creating it.
Now, you may or may not be wondering: "If it really was in my full control, everything would be picture-perfect, right?". Not necessarily. Are YOU picture-perfect?

This has been getting deeper than I've originally intended, so I'll just stop.
My point was, YOU are responsible for everything. Nothing in the environment can really affect you, and as such, you don't need money or traveling to enjoy the process. You need to accept that there is nothing stopping you from enjoying the process(except yourself). Let yourself enjoy, and you will.

 

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[germandude]

Whenever I feel overwhelmed, stressed out and look at the hardships to come, I remember one sentence and go on. It's magnificently perfect because it invokes the need for work and the need of control in you. The sentence is:

"All you can do is all you can do. And all you can do is enough."​

 

[G-Man]

Just read the entire thread, and all I can think is: What would Victor Frankl say?

Maybe: Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.

Maybe: Those who have a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'.

Maybe: Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it.

Mostly I think he'd say: I was happier in Dachau than you are in __________. Maybe your situation isn't the problem.

Before anyone gets offended, yes I'm putting words in Victor Frankl's mouth. This is the internet dammit.

 

[proper]

Look how much further ahead you are. Look at what you've already accomplished. Look at your mindset and how it's different than the vast majority of people around you. And then start to get grateful for the shit you've forgotten. Like your health, your family, your wealth, the roof over your head, the technology you didn't have to invent that you run your business on now -- hell the ability to HAVE a problem like you're currently having.

Thanks a lot, Steve. Your words are like slapping on my face, but in a much nicer way. It tells me to wake up, look at things around me and be grateful.

For my past startup projects, I always gave up on the first set of road blocks. The roads are closed! There is no way I can do this. It is just no way. "The App Store is saturated! I can not think of any app ideas! People and their dogs are making apps." That is my quote in 2009... Instead of working on meeting the basic needs, I was always chasing shining new ideas. Because that's the event I enjoy. I hate the process and avoided it like hell.

Fast forward to today, I see things very differently. I'm working on the process instead of the events. But the process is hard work. I got frustrated a lot of times. I was wondering why all of the gurus seem to love it so much... It sounds like a wonderful experience...

Your words and some other contributors to this post make it very clear that the process is indeed hard work. I will need to find a way to enjoy it!

 

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[ZF Lee]

@proper , the process is indeed hard and grueling. It is for me. Hell, a Fastlane war fought on multiple fronts (studying in college and grinding) is no joke. In the few years to come, I will have to give up many more things in order to get more traction. I'll be screwing a 'stable' academic path that leads to a 'stable' job, screwing the acknowledgement and praises of my peers and relatives. I'll be facing lots of other dangers and threats which the normal 9-5er will not.

Sure, I hate the process at times. I don't like it. I feel like a dirty soldier hiding in a trench amidst the Fritz bombardment of mortar shells.

But I don't give a damn!

Do you know why?

Slowlane harvest: The harvest is small, but the workers are (too) many. Think corporate redundancy, overpopulation effects and competition. You know shit gonna get real when five hundred people are fighting for fifty jobs in the agency.

Fastlane harvest: The harvest is wide, but the workers are few. The workers are few, since everyone thinks a huge harvest is too hard to gather in. Because the workers are few, they use MACHINES or hire other workers to harvest the crops, and comb in more goodies.



Process and hard work are universal values, but the issue is WHERE is the harvest, WHAT are the MACHINES, HOW to use and get the MACHINE, and HOW to MAINTAIN a good steady production of crops. Only then process and hard work is fully weaponised, becoming more meaningful!

 

[mayRaS.P.B.]

I'm struggling with this a lot of parts of my life.

What helped me so far was to set process related goals instead of event related goals.

Short example from my training:
I always wanted to hold a handstand, becaus it's fun and cool. My goal was something like "hold it for 30sec" or "hold it for 1min", depending on how confident I was.
Naturally I failed to reach the goal with the first tries. And while I got better, I was still working towards that one point in time, that " would make me enjoy handstands more".

Not long ago, I realised it is not working this way. So I set the goal of "training everyday for 5min".
Now everytime I trained for 5min, I reached my goal and enjoyed it.
Naturally I became better. I might reach the 30sec stand faster with an event related goal, but this way I'm enjoying it more.


The real challenge is that event related goals are really important.
I can set the goal to " cold call for 1h a day" and enjoy the process - because I acomplish the goal every day.
But if I don't reach my event-goal of "10 new customers", the business would die.


I hope this helps you somehow!
~Ika

This is a really good way of thinking about the process. Thanks for sharing, I am going to try and apply this when setting my goals.

 

[maverick]

You go through life creating memories and anecdotes. Adversity builds character, achievements builds confidence and fortune build humbleness. That's why "the process" is so enjoyable.

 

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[Tallphil]

It's funny that I just stumbled upon this thread.

Around 1 year ago I started my journey of "wanting to be an entrepreneur". It's been the toughest and yet most rewarding journey of my life.

Enjoying the journey is all about doing something today that you BELIEVE will pay off in the future. That's why passion is KEY. Sometimes it takes a while to see your ROI (time/money).

I was cleaning cars 8 hours a day and using all of my free time to launch and learn the trades of my business.

- I know what an emotional roller coaster feels like.

Around 2 months ago I was able to quit my full time job and ever since I've been doing and feeling GREAT!

Yesterday, at around 3PM it was beautiful outside. I decided to bring my dog and have her run and play in a big open field. As I was watching her as happy as she can be, I started feeling very emotional. It was one of those special moments that you can't help but feel and have a sense of ROI.

Why? Because I was thinking about my own journey. Where I came from. The small actions and decisions that led to this moment. The times were I felt there was no hope, that I almost stopped believing in myself but somehow pulled through.

Be grateful for what you have. Don't compare your journey to someone else's journey.

If someone has more than you, find out why.

 

[MarekvBeek]

Most of the times I read, and I rarely post something here. But this topic hit me somehow...

After reading this topic and thinking about it, this was what came to my thought.

I feel this topic is really a question of happiness.

What makes you happy in life?

When I think of my life, I think of how I grew and grow as a person. I'm not a rich man in the sense of money, but I do feel rich when I think of how I care less of what other people think.

I created a book I wanted to write for a long time. Many people would say that it wouldn't work out. I thought, just sh*t up and write Marek. Now the book is out and do you think people still say the same?

Yes I have other challenges now, which I ignored for a few weeks after finishing the book. I thought I was finished. Same like someone said here, I "paused". From that moment I started to feel more and more frustrated/demotivated.

"What the hell is wrong?" I thought.

Well nothing is wrong, I just lost my sense of purpose. Now I found a new purpose to promote my book. And yes... it came from choosing betweem options.

So if you have options (and yes you have) you will "enjoy the process". When I wrote my book, I had many options. But I chose to pursue the book.

It sounds silly and like a cliché, but you have to find purpose (and re-read MJ's chapter on Need (Chapter 30)). If you don't, then be honest to yourself. I don't want to own a Lamborghini, maybe someday I will, but it's not my purpose. Mines are different than yours, find yours!

Marek

 

[Big Z]

May I suggest a book called the "The Practicing Mind".

Also Mindset is so important. If you spend a lot time in a negative mindset for this reason or that, you block yourself from seeing the solution to the problem. This creates more problems and you get a snowball effect.
It takes effort at first but it's so important to check yourself when you get in that state of mind and go back to staying positive. Meditation helps with this, because it will make you aware of your thoughts as if you are just watching and you don't get involved in the thought and so you have an opportunity to shift the mental process. Let that negative thought flare up and fizzle out, by just observing yourself.
When you stay positive you think more clearly which results in your creative mind being more available to solve issues that come up constantly in your business, life , etc.
Hope this helps
Z

 

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[kiwiana]

Unless someone can perform a mindset change on me without evasive surgery i personally don't believe it's possible to enjoy the process unless you're a startup or have a desired financial income.

Hi Paul David,

I just went through a frustrating period so I thought I would share what has been helpful to me and also what didn't work out so well. For context: I was feeling very stuck in my job because I am relying on it for visa purposes. I like my job and I am good at it. But it is a job after all and I know too much to enjoy 9-5 employment now. For a few months, I thought I was stuck in this quagmire because I cannot leave this job without having to leave the country, let alone start an entrepreneurial endeavor. Everyday more resentment built.

There are 3 options (in order of least to most effort required): 1. stew in your discontent and unhappiness and spread it around to everybody else around you, 2. change your mindset without changing the situation, 3. change the situation and get out of this unhappiness.

I did #1 for a few months. It was unpleasant for everybody including myself. My "solution" was to ban everybody from asking me how my day went and how my job is going. If they did, they had to suffer my bad temper. This was obviously not sustainable. Even I hated being around myself.

So recently I transitioned to #2. There's been a lot of good advice about how to reframe the situation to change your mindset including realizing money doesn't solve all your problems and that you might not enjoy everyday but the journey at the end is well worth it. A few things that really helped me here:

• eliminate everything that I didn't like to do that was not necessary to my life. Since I was not super happy in my situation already, why would I hang out with negative friends, eat with my coworkers, or go to Costco on the weekends when I knew that those situations were already hellish to me? Reorganizing my schedule handled all of these things. Putting off friends, scheduling meetings during lunch time so I could eat alone, go to Costco during the weekday evenings, etc.
• a gratitude journal for a few days. I cannot sustain doing gratitude journals for weeks but just a few days is enough to realize things are really awesome in life. Just writing 3-5 things that I liked about my day made life seem so much more enjoyable. When the train arrived just as I got on the platform, it seemed like the world was trying to make me happy whereas in the past I had never noticed small gifts like that. Finding the one last parking spot right in front of the gym when the lot was full as far as the eye can see, again, made me feel like the world was going out of its way to do me little favors to make me happy.
• I also ruled out complaining for a whole week. I got this tip from the Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker. Everytime I complained I would have to run my finger across my throat as if I were slitting my throat. It's a pretty violent gesture so it began to reinforce no complaining really quickly. Not complaining was really hard in the beginning but after a few days I realized I didn't complain at all or if I did, I would try to reframe the issue. It really opened up a lot of creative space in my head to be able to say "OK here's the situation...no complaining, just stating the facts...now what am I going to do about it so I cannot be complaining about this in 5 minutes?"
• I wish I did meditate more as it does help me feel better every time I do it. It calms me down and opens the space for creative solutions. I probably only did it 2-3 times in the last few months. But it helped every time.
• Reading Felix Dennis' book How to get Rich was also a mind opener. He says multiple times in the book that money will NOT make you happy. Sure, it is better to have it than not, but it doesn't do anything for happiness. In fact, if you are young (which it sounds like you are considering how young your children are), the time you have makes you much wealthier than he is. He would give up all his money in order to be young again. It was a great perspective to know that even when I hit X amount of net worth, it will not change my happiness. In fact, happier people are more likely to attract wealth and be happy when they get rich. Not the other way around (meaning rich doesn't make you happy). This coupled with other advice I read helped me sit down and write a list of all the things that I currently do that do make me happy, which included hanging out with my friends more, cooking, painting, and reading. Guess what? Most of those activities are FREE. Now that I don't do the stuff that I find hellish, suddenly I have more time for things I enjoy. I instituted Sunday night dinners where every Sunday I invite over different friends and cook for them so we can all hang out. It has been an amazing improvement to my life and mood. And guess what? During one of these dinners, one of my friends came up with a solution to help me with my visa situation. It turns out that opening up my life to opportunities for happiness ended up solving my problem.
• exercise. It's like a magic pill that makes everything feel better after.

Which leads me to #3. Changing my mindset led me to finding creative solutions to fix my problem. It's funny how now I am out of the negative, "victim mode" mindset, suddenly I have so many new solutions to fixing my problem. Others have suggested ways to renegotiate with suppliers or ask friends/family for a short-term loan to resolve your cash flow problem. This is the kind of space in your mind you can open up to come up with the creative solutions for yourself. In fact, the actions now seem so easy to me I wonder how was it possible that my mindset was so negative that I could not think of doing these simple things myself?

Keep in mind, this whole thing has taken me something like 6 months so it is not a fast change to make (at least not for me).

I know this post has been super long and partly that is because I am writing this for myself as I may come back in a year or two to re-read it when I find myself in another quagmire which I come to believe is the worst thing ever and I just can't get myself out of it. So just one last thing to wrap up: I took a class called the Philosophy of Happiness in college. I cannot remember most of the information I learned in college but this class was filled with insight that has stuck with me so many years later.

In addition to reading books like Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's Flow, the Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt, the Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz, and many other gems, we got to learn about the meaning of life and happiness from ancient Western and Eastern civilizations. In particular, we spent a really long time analyzing the word, Eudaimonia.

The Greeks were really concerned about Eudaimonia and wrote and thought a lot about what it was, how to achieve it, and more importantly, how to keep it. We used to think it meant "happiness" and translated a lot of texts to use the word "happiness". But recently, philosophers have engaged in a hot debate to change the meaning to "human flourishing" and "wellbeing". Our professor made it a huge point to emphasize this reinterpretation to force us to realize that every single day is not going to be a relaxing walk in the park because sacrifice and pain will be inevitable. Especially if you are on an unconventional path because that's where the most gains are to be made. If flourishing, meaning achieving your maximum human potential, and not happiness was the focus, then we can see the grander picture and realize that one crap is just one day. Hopefully you won't have too long of a string of crap days. Ultimately, keeping your eye on the bigger picture, knowing that you are after human flourishing, and not an ephemeral feeling of happiness, that helps you get through the crap days. Because if you are pursuing growth, happiness cannot be expected at every moment. But you will be proud of myself at the end of your journey.

I think this is what it means to enjoy the process.

I do a lot of customer service and people are more often than not annoyed and mean to me because they only email or call me when they have a problem. Most email is not enjoyable to open and read (especially when customers are barking at me). But I feel good knowing that I am one of the best problem solvers on my team. Every time I beat a problem, I feel strong and I know I am ready for the next challenge.

I really hoped this helps you. I'm getting ready to quit the job soon and deal with the US government. So I have a few crap days ahead of me too. Wish me luck .

 

[dimavdis]

I think you should find your own motives, those that will keep you going for the day/week/month/year/life. Apparently those motives will be changing as time passes and as your perspective on life/happiness also changes and you have to find them by yourself. I would say it is a battle against yourself, which you have to win. The most important battles within each person's lifes is with his own self. Winning those battles will lead you to your goals.

 

[Kung Fu Steve]

@Paul David Update please!

 

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[letter9]

I dunno man, I've struggled with the same feelings you have most of my life.

I've traveled a LOT...boring.

Nice cars...boring.

I took home about $80,000 last month...boring.

The only thing that worked for me was finding a "why" that was bigger than myself.

My kids. Charity work. My God. All bigger than myself. But still not enough...

My "why" ended up being the process itself.



This ^^^^

Great post!

For me it's about process, trying and building new things and competing.
Money is just a measure of success in business game.
But they are not important on their own.
I am coming from relatively wealthy family, and was offered money and help many times, but left to another country when turned 21 - just to try achieve everything myself.

 

[AgainstAllOdds]

Interchange process with growth.

Process = Growth

When people say they enjoy the process, my belief is that they actually mean growth. The continuous improvement of your business. Achievement.

That achievement allows your brain to release certain chemicals like dopamine, allowing you to get pleasurable feelings from growth and achievement. If you're not achieving anything, and your brain is not releasing the necessary chemicals for "enjoyment", then you're not enjoying the process.

You need to focus on growth.

And if your brain is wired differently, and you don't enjoy growth, then you need to reconsider being an entrepreneur.