What do I say to people if the past 3 years I have failed and done nothing else in my life?

[minivanman]

No, I don't really understand but..... no matter what you have, you are no better than anyone else. Being better than someone else is when some guy pulls up beside you and flips you off and you roll down the window and say you are sorry for cutting him off. Being better than someone else is when you are in Taco Bell and an old lady has a take-out order but she is struggling to carry it so you help her to her pickup and make sure she has it under control all the while, no one in Taco Bell could care less about her.

I have a friend that is broke every Thursday night before payday on Friday and I have rich friends and I never put myself over my friend that is broke every Friday. Actually I go by and pick him up to go racing every Saturday for free and sometimes pay his way in. We are all just people. Do you realize that all those hot guys and gals you see on tv, all the stars, all the millionaires they interview, all the people that make $20,000 or $50,000 or $500,000 or $5 million a year..... yep we all wipe our a$$ with the same types of toilet paper bought in your local store. We all have the same thoughts at times (although mine probably more perverted than some), we are just human.

So no matter if you have money in the future or not, you are no better than anyone else just because you have money.

The people you meet aren't bragging about what they've done or what they have, they are just telling you how it is. No reason you can't say..... I've been working my a$$ off trying to start a few businesses but I just haven't had any luck yet, any advice? <<<< Now you've left the door open for them to either share their knowledge or not but it gives you something to talk about and it leaves the ball in their court.

 

[YoungPadawan]

A wise man once told me, "Success is not a destination, it is a journey."

Everything happens in its own time. Here's an awesome quote I saw on @Vigilante 's podcast page:

"Obama retired at 55, Trump started at 70.

Sydney is 3 hours ahead of Perth, but that doesn't make Perth slow.

Someone graduated at the age of 22, but waited 5 years before securing a good job.

Someone became a CEO at 25 and died at 50.

While another became a CEO at 50 and lived to 90 years.

Someone is still single, while someone else got married.

Everyone in this world works based on their time zone.

People around you might seem to be ahead of you and some might seem to be behind you.

But everyone is running their own race, in their own time.

Do not envy them and do not mock them.

They are in their time zone, and you are in yours.

Life is about waiting for the right moment to act.

So relax.

You're not early.

You're not late.

You are very much on time."


You can't worry about your failures. It is an essential part of the entrepreneurial journey.

 

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[Fox]

If you had a million tomorrow it’s not going to make it any easier to relate to people. Being able to have friends and connect with people is a separate skill. In fact it will probably be harder as you get more success.

You need to separate people and business. Connect with people on a different level and leave business talk to those who are genuinely interested. Plus if someone does ask - tell it like it is. People much prefer to hear the real details rather than just “success” stories. People generally like the underdog story and relate to it a lot more.

Also three years is nothing - it seems to take most people 7/8 years.

Stick in there and make those first 3 years count.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Your username is @MakeMoreMoves -- that's your answer, make more moves.

And 3 years of failure is not a lot. May I ask how old are you?

I was f*cking touting this stuff before too.

Rule #1: Don't talk about fight club.

"Failure is the sweat of success, and I'm dripping in sweat."

The sweat of success is failure, and I'm soaking wet. ;-)

 

[Roli]

I am trying to pick my life back together from going deep into entrepreneurship and having nothing to show for it.

I don't even know what to say to people I have haven't seen in a while and new people.

First step is to start making friends again...but:

They ask, so what do you do? All I can reference is my slowlane job and when they ask what I do outside of work, I give this dead blank stare because the only thing I can remember is me failing in business, but don't want to mention anything about business/entrepreneurship. I have literally done nothing in 3 years besides business. I mean NOTHING. NOTHING. When I give them this dead blank stare or quickly change the subject, people get turned off like I am hiding something (my failure in business), I just go quiet and the convo is dead. Then I don't make any friends.

I have NOTHING. God before, I was hating on slowlane so much. When I got in entrepreneurship, I thought I was better than everyone else because they are all just dumb slowlaners/sidewalkers. Bunch of dumbfucks. Having this mentality, when all I have done is lose substantial amounts of money. sh*t is so f*cking embarrassing. I was f*cking touting this stuff before too. But haven't even gotten successful myself. I am no better than a slowlaner telling people how to make it in life. I actually kinda hate how I took action on fastlane, like it doesn't prove anything.

Tiers of good life (IMO)

1) Successful Fastlaner in time frame < 3 Years
2) Slowlaner that actually goes deep in career
3) Sidewalker/Failed Fastlaner

Slowlane actually ain't bad this day in age, especially if you went into big tech. You could literally be a millionaire faster than a fastlaner. Because on both ends, there are years of sacrifice. But slowlane you actually get paid.

So...I'm stuck. Only you guys here can understand.

You are forgetting what being an entrepreneur is about.

Have you read How To Fail At Everything?

That guy took 12 years...

It's not about leaving the slowlane laughing at everyone and then rubbing their noses in it as you drive past them in your Lambo or Rarri.

In fact why would you hold slowlaners in contempt? If you make it big, you're going to need them as employees, do you really want to be the sort of person who holds your employees in contempt?

I know I don't, I'd like to be a person like Jack Welch (ex CEO of General Electric), who spends the first few pages of his autobiography praising every employee he has ever worked with, from the people who clean the toilets, to the marketing department.

He says that he uses the word I a lot in the book, when a lot of the time he means we.

You've forgotten what it's meant to be all about.

Someone with a slowlane attitude gives up at the first hurdle, an entrepreneur licks his/her wounds, dusts themselves off and tries again.

Write down all of your mistakes, one by one, each painful one, look at them, then write a paragraph about why they happened and how you're going to avoid them again in the future.

Then try again.

Fail.

Then try again.

and on and on.... This is the path to the fastlane mindset, not contempt, regret and bitterness, but growth, learning and understanding.

So next time someone asks you, you look them square in the eye and you say;

I had so-and-so business that went bust, because xyz. I'm now waiting for my next move. What about you; what's your buzz?

You've forgotten what it's all about.

Let me remind you...

"Failure is the sweat of success, and I'm dripping in sweat."

- MJ DeMarco

@MJ DeMarco Can you remind me of the actual quote please, I'm sure I'm just paraphrasing here.

 

[Oztrepreneur]

I know what you feeling, I'm there right now. Nothing has worked, and I do worry that all the time spent will be in vain. I've blown thousands, i've somewhat slowed my career progress because im focused on escape. Two things I always find myself coming back to when I get like this :

1. Stopping is literally not an option for me, even at times where I wished I could. No matter how defeated I feel, I can't stop. Yeh I get miserable, yeh I think this sux, I say to my wife why can't I just be happy in my highly paid well respected career.

EVEN when I actually want to forget it all and just be happy in the slowlane, I cannot do it. I may have a slow period for a few days or maybe weeks where fastlane opportunities don't consume my mind, and then....BANG...I will see an opportunity, and I am off racing again. This is not some mumbo jumbo mindset thing...it may be an illness but it is like I am actually obsessed and planning my escape is all consuming. So I have resigned myself to the fact its either success, or live a life of trying to escape. I don't see ever stopping even when i actually want to. This is frustrating in itself, but hopefully it will propel me forward when hurdles come along and stopping is an option.

2. Some advice I saw a long time ago was so simple yet so meaningful when you think about it.
"Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something". Basic. But when you think about it, well two choices, either continue feeling sorry for yourself (maybe you can for a while) or fight back and do something.

I am actually glad you posted because you describe EXACTLY how I have been feeling. Lots of life given up chasing dreams, lots of failure, lots of thinking about a future of regret and by no means do I get up every day chanting mantras or other bullshit like that. I am trying to accept this is part of it...and just keep pushing.

Sorry not really advice but just telling you others are in the same boat.

 

[MakeMoreMoves]

I am trying to pick my life back together from going deep into entrepreneurship and having nothing to show for it.

I don't even know what to say to people I have haven't seen in a while and new people.

First step is to start making friends again...but:

They ask, so what do you do? All I can reference is my slowlane job and when they ask what I do outside of work, I give this dead blank stare because the only thing I can remember is me failing in business, but don't want to mention anything about business/entrepreneurship. I have literally done nothing in 3 years besides business. I mean NOTHING. NOTHING. When I give them this dead blank stare or quickly change the subject, people get turned off like I am hiding something (my failure in business), I just go quiet and the convo is dead. Then I don't make any friends.

I have NOTHING. God before, I was hating on slowlane so much. When I got in entrepreneurship, I thought I was better than everyone else because they are all just dumb slowlaners/sidewalkers. Bunch of dumbfucks. Having this mentality, when all I have done is lose substantial amounts of money. Shit is so F*cking embarrassing. I was F*cking touting this stuff before too. But haven't even gotten successful myself. I am no better than a slowlaner telling people how to make it in life. I actually kinda hate how I took action on fastlane, like it doesn't prove anything.

Tiers of good life (IMO)

1) Successful Fastlaner in time frame < 3 Years
2) Slowlaner that actually goes deep in career
3) Sidewalker/Failed Fastlaner

Slowlane actually ain't bad this day in age, especially if you went into big tech. You could literally be a millionaire faster than a fastlaner. Because on both ends, there are years of sacrifice. But slowlane you actually get paid.

So...I'm stuck. Only you guys here can understand.

 

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[Longinus]

You really need to get over your failures, dude. It's probably the fifth topic you start about this. We get it, you tried hard an failed hard so what?

What do you desperately want to hear that you keep asking the same questions? All the helping answers don't seem to get to you at all.

 

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[inputchip]

I don't even know what to say to people I have haven't seen in a while and new people.

Just tell them the truth, if you actually want to make friends. You will be surprised at how receptive people can be when you are genuine.

Most people aren't assholes, and respect others who take risks and try to better themselves. Also, there's really no quicker way to build friendship and trust than to open yourself up to past failures.

 

[lowtek]

No idea why you would share details with people, under any circumstances.

If things are gang busters, you don't want them hating, praying for your failure, or heaven forbid asking for money or expecting you to pay for drinks when you go out.

If things are going badly, well you've found out why you don't want to talk. That's an embarrassing conversation.

Accept that failure is part of the process. Figure out precisely why you failed, and then go make some other mistakes. Eventually you'll figure it out.

The key here is to keep from getting derailed completely. The emotions you're experiencing are normal, but if you allow them to dictate your future course of action, then you're setting yourself up for even more failure.

The only way to win at this game is to master your emotions, and divorce your actions from them.

It's just business, it's not personal.

 

[Kak]

The three years of "failure" implies that you think you aren't "on track" or some such nonsense.

The way I look at it. It's July 5th 2018 and you're still here. You're still breathing. You didn't die of poorness. Maybe some lessons that you've learned didn't turn into money, but you are three years wiser.

I have a business that has taken 6 years. Yes 6 years to totally materialize. It was dead for 18 months of those 6 years before I got a fresh investment. I have another company that is materializing after 2. I won't go into details, but thinking big requires sacrifice. The sacrifice and heartache you go through now is why you will be so generously compensated when you do crack it open.

Stay the course or don't, but this victim crap isn't doing you any favors. Ignore "normal" people and their expectations. Other people's opinions are usually bullshit conjecture.

 

[dskouris]

Its no embarrassment to try to better yourself. There must have been a reason that you got into business right? Most people won't understand the processes and failures you need to go through to be a success anyway mate, keep your chin up!

Did Thomas Edison get it right first time? He failed literally THOUSANDS of times and he won't be remembered as a failure. Keep pushing man.

Sent from my Moto G (4) using Tapatalk

 

[denis10]

Do you know these guys who start losing their hair and act weird about it? They try to hide it and they're uncomfortable with it. And they're making other people feel uncomfortable because of that, too.

Then there are guys who lose their hair and just try to be cool with it. They talk openly about it or make jokes about themselves. People like these kind of people.

I failed getting into the fastlane for more than 5 years now. I don't like it, but who cares, I learned a ton on the way and I will keep hustling. Having failed a lot makes this even more meaningful because that means that it was worthwhile pursuing. If everybody got rich in 2 years, would it be special after all?

Stay humble

 

[WJS]

I had lunch with a group of new friends today, and during the meal I made small talks with some of them. We talked about what we do and somehow the topic went to past failures.

One of the guys told me he lost more than 15k doing food business and he had it shut down within a few months. The business was taking way too much time and effort, and he couldn’t even breakeven. Therefore he decided to cut loss.

Another guy said his former engine oil business had so much bad debts he had to declare himself bankrupt at the age of 24, in order to save himself from further financial losses. His business was actually thriving, but because he couldn’t get paid on time, the business went kaput.

The first guy was in his mid 40s and the second guy was in his late 20s. As I listened to their stories, I felt nothing but RESPECT for these guys. They were very sincere and open about their past failures, and the way they presented themselves tells me that someday they will be massively successful. They don’t wallow in self-pity, they picked themselves up, learn from the mistakes, and move on. And get this, I WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH THEM! They’re so inspirational I hope some of their positive vibes will rub off on me.

Everyone fails at some point in their lives. Focus on what you can learn from the failure, and make your next venture better. There won’t be guarantees that it will be a success, but it’s a hell lot better than crying over spilt milk and doing nothing about it.

 

[ZCP]

Talk about your failures. They are not personal failures. They are business failures.

If you don't pay your child support, personal failure.
If your company goes under while trying to take over the world, business failure.

One you should get your shit together and do better. The other can be a source of a good laugh and while talking about it may lead to another opportunity.

I used to read a lot of books about successful people. One common theme was 'you will never really have a company until you have lost one'.

Now pick yourself up and get your a$$ back to work and solve a problem / provide value.

 

[Kak]

Also, at the risk of sounding like a douche guru or Tony Robbins...

Let's redefine the word failure... You may lose some battles, but the war isn't over until you wave the white flag.

You decide what is and isn't failure.

 

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[Xeon]

I am trying to pick my life back together from going deep into entrepreneurship and having nothing to show for it.

I don't even know what to say to people I have haven't seen in a while and new people.

First step is to start making friends again...but:

They ask, so what do you do? All I can reference is my slowlane job and when they ask what I do outside of work, I give this dead blank stare because the only thing I can remember is me failing in business, but don't want to mention anything about business/entrepreneurship. I have literally done nothing in 3 years besides business. I mean NOTHING. NOTHING. When I give them this dead blank stare or quickly change the subject, people get turned off like I am hiding something (my failure in business), I just go quiet and the convo is dead. Then I don't make any friends.

I have NOTHING. God before, I was hating on slowlane so much. When I got in entrepreneurship, I thought I was better than everyone else because they are all just dumb slowlaners/sidewalkers. Bunch of dumbfucks. Having this mentality, when all I have done is lose substantial amounts of money. sh*t is so f*cking embarrassing. I was f*cking touting this stuff before too. But haven't even gotten successful myself. I am no better than a slowlaner telling people how to make it in life. I actually kinda hate how I took action on fastlane, like it doesn't prove anything.

Tiers of good life (IMO)

1) Successful Fastlaner in time frame < 3 Years
2) Slowlaner that actually goes deep in career
3) Sidewalker/Failed Fastlaner

Slowlane actually ain't bad this day in age, especially if you went into big tech. You could literally be a millionaire faster than a fastlaner. Because on both ends, there are years of sacrifice. But slowlane you actually get paid.

So...I'm stuck. Only you guys here can understand.

What was your FTE? Did you have one? If you had, maybe it's not a true FTE.

I've been prepping my hustle for almost the past 1.5 yrs, should be launching soon in a couple of months. I keep asking myself, what if I fail? What if I become like you? If I fail, all the $ and time and effort I put into the past 1.5 years would have been wasted.

But here's the thing. If my current venture fails, I'll have to find a new one and grind that. Because my FTE is like a gun, no.....a grenade plastered to the back of my head that could explode anytime. There's no way back, because if you go back, it explodes. That's worse.

When you reached the bottom-most of the pits, you can't go any further down, only crawl back up. That's me, and I hope that's the case for you too.

If not, your FTE, if any, isn't a real FTE.
Maybe it's just a form of escapism to escape your day job.

And as I've said in your previous thread, you're only 24. Stop lamenting in self pity and get into your slowlane job to fund your next fastlane idea. Or do you want to wait till 36, and feel that entrepreneurial itch again, then restart?
Don't be like me, wasting away the past 15+ yrs of life!

 

[TheOrchestrator]

It's just your mind playing tricks on you, like it does to us all at our low points, distracting us from getting back into motion. The truth is, people usually don't care as much as you think they do.They're often just as insecure and stuck in their heads as everyone else is. And really, if they truly do care about that stuff, and look down on you for trying to better your situation, they aren't really worth your time or consideration anyways.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

Quote :
<< I've learned so much from my mistakes, I'm thinking of making a few more >>
Unknown
Get your thoughts straight and keep walking !

FYI note for everyone else... don't let the tulips fool you, I checked the IP addresses and this is NOT Tanisha.

 

[Roli]

The truth is, people usually don't care as much as you think they do.They're often just as insecure and stuck in their heads as everyone else is.

Ah yes, I think it was Freud who said; "You would worry less about what people think about you, when you realise how little they do."

 

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[Get Right]

This a completely predictable phase in your development. I'm not sure you can succeed without going through it. From somebody that went through EXACTLY what you are, here are some thoughts that are closer based to reality:

1. 3 years is completely arbitrary. Extend your time horizon - 20, 30, 40 years. Lots of chances, am I right!

2. You haven't failed anything, you've learned. You've received feedback, that's it. Untie the emotions. BTW - I detailed 7 or so of my "failures" in another thread....that may be half of them. They make you much stronger.

3. Study the Golden Handcuffs more. It's one of the saddest things I can think of....and almost all of my friends are bound by them. Sure they are more comfortable currently but at what cost? It's tremendous and impossible to escape when they see the music stopping.

4. Happiness. It's important at this stage. You've probably neglected it as I did. Take some happiness tests online. Do some research, take a class and work on it.

5. Thomas Fuller had it right. "The darkest hour is just before the dawn".

PM me if you need a hand.

 

[socaldude]

If you have not accomplished something in 3 years at least you are building your mind and learning.

If someone asks you what you have done, then maybe talk about mindset and how you are changing and learning. It's a pretty good conversation sparker. People always love talking about psychology and giving their input.

Fastlane isn't something that happens overnight, its a long journey of building an arsenal of knowledge, experiences and insights.

 

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[Late Bloomer]

I think sometimes we take things to seriously, make it about ourselves, beat ourselves up, searching for perfection in human nature, and it doesn't exist.

The truth is, people usually don't care as much as you think they do.They're often just as insecure and stuck in their heads as everyone else is.

"You would worry less about what people think about you, when you realise how little they do."

from the film Casablanca:

Ugarte: You despise me, don't you?
Rick: If I gave you any thought, I probably would.

 

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[LynetteP]

The fact that you're calling them failures anyway is wrong.

I have come to realize that I've never thought of my failures as such- glad to hear this is the right way, lol. Discouraged sometimes, yes, but generally not thinking of myself as a failure, just the way I tried something didn't work. So I try something else.

I'm happy to hear all of the time frames that people have given- it is encouraging to me, as I've spent "only" a year so far pivoting.

To the OP, I've come to find that what we focus on is what consumes us.

So, focusing on "failures" will lead you to negative things. Focusing on what you learned will lead you to positive things.

I saw an interview years ago with one of the founders of SpareFoot. He was talking about what he learned from his time in an incubator in Austin. The takeaway from his mentors there was essentially "FAIL FAST. THEN PIVOT. Because you will fail. If you are not failing, as an entrepreneur you are doing something wrong." And he walked the talk- their original business model was entirely different than what it was when the interview happened. Same for most innovative (high value creation) businesses.

So what's the secret sauce to a successful entrepreneur? I'm thinking it's focus, habits, and mindset. Now to go swallow my own medicine, lol. I'm working on the first two...

Also, most people IRL aren't interested in your business ventures (not all, but most)- they are interested in relationships, sports, movies, hobbies, a good meal, but mostly, themselves. So if you are concerned about your lack of social skills/friends/etc., that's a completely different can of worms. For this I'd recommend the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People." The 8 word summary: if you want to be interesting, be interested.

HTH somewhat!

 

[CEOMike]

What failures? You have been doing a great job at finding ways of how not to do things.

This was the first thing I was going to say, but it looks like someone already said it!

I'm going to spin this a bit differently, so hopefully this will make sense.

I think most people think of failure as an absolute, or 100%. By that I mean if something fails, EVERYTHING was wrong.

That is seldom the case, though.

Sure their may have been more than ONE issue, but typically it was a few bad decisions or parts of the equation that made the whole thing fail. You may have a great cake recipe and 99 of the ingredients are correct, but if you forget the yeast, well...

What I'm getting at is this: Take a good look at what specifically caused you to fail. Were you in the wrong industry? Were your prices too high/low? See if you can pick out the biggest part of the problem, and figure out a solution for it, then rebuild.

I remember Tony Robbins talking about failing at golf when he first started out in one of his seminars. It went something like this:

Tony was working with a coach and the first day he did great. Then when he came back the second day, things just weren't working out the same way. He was slicing and shanking the ball, and just getting frustrated. His coach would chime in after some bad shot and say something like, "Ain't that a bitch?" or some other comment, trying to make light of the moment.

Tony had it and snapped at his coach. He said, "Maybe the problems I'm having are because you're not that great of a coach?"

The coach smiled, then said, "I know you're frustrated, but you're actually not that far off of what you're supposed to be doing. I didn't show you this yet, but watch this." The coach then showed Tony that by turning the club head just a millimeter off of where it's supposed to be has a TREMENDOUS affect on the trajectory of the ball, due to the speed and distance involved. One millimeter to the left, and you're off the fairway. One millimeter to the right, and you're in the water.

Tony took that and reframed it (like he always does) into meaning:

When all hell is breaking loose, you may only be ONE MILLIMETER away from achieving your goal.

So like I said, take a serious look at what failed, and when you do, you may find out that your failure isn't that far from the success you seek!

Better luck on the next try my friend!

 

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[Mattie]

I am trying to pick my life back together from going deep into entrepreneurship and having nothing to show for it.

I don't even know what to say to people I have haven't seen in a while and new people.

First step is to start making friends again...but:

They ask, so what do you do? All I can reference is my slowlane job and when they ask what I do outside of work, I give this dead blank stare because the only thing I can remember is me failing in business, but don't want to mention anything about business/entrepreneurship. I have literally done nothing in 3 years besides business. I mean NOTHING. NOTHING. When I give them this dead blank stare or quickly change the subject, people get turned off like I am hiding something (my failure in business), I just go quiet and the convo is dead. Then I don't make any friends.

I have NOTHING. God before, I was hating on slowlane so much. When I got in entrepreneurship, I thought I was better than everyone else because they are all just dumb slowlaners/sidewalkers. Bunch of dumbfucks. Having this mentality, when all I have done is lose substantial amounts of money. sh*t is so f*cking embarrassing. I was f*cking touting this stuff before too. But haven't even gotten successful myself. I am no better than a slowlaner telling people how to make it in life. I actually kinda hate how I took action on fastlane, like it doesn't prove anything.

Tiers of good life (IMO)

1) Successful Fastlaner in time frame < 3 Years
2) Slowlaner that actually goes deep in career
3) Sidewalker/Failed Fastlaner

Slowlane actually ain't bad this day in age, especially if you went into big tech. You could literally be a millionaire faster than a fastlaner. Because on both ends, there are years of sacrifice. But slowlane you actually get paid.

So...I'm stuck. Only you guys here can understand.

This is more a battle with yourself. The external world doesn't necessarily know what you've succeeded at or failed at in life. Trial and error is part of the process. Lets say you had a slow lane job or even a side walk job, they think the same way. They have failed, made mistakes. They've won some and lost some. If you're in the fast lane, you've won some and lost some. This is the illusion. No matter where you stand in life at any position, you will have the same experience of evaluating your losses against your winnings. And the best way to get stuck is focusing on all the things that didn't work out. The money you've lost. Whatever you've lost along the way, you're exchanging it for something new. The experience is always dropping something and picking up something new. Nothing ever stays the same. The world is constantly evolving, upgrading, and of course, like M.J. stated, you never retire from education.

I haven't exactly spoke with a lot of people either for the last five years, and going back home this year. I'm nothing like when I left. And fortunately, its just listening to them, being polite, and allowing them to be where they are consciously, learning what they are. My world will never be about their world. Their world will never be about my world. I expect a lot of opposition for they're not going to agree with me anymore than they ever have. The difference is, I know where I begin and where they end in my experience. Know thyself. Opinions are opinions. The opposition is learning from you. This is how you react or respond in the situation. This is also how you handle words. All of us are different in here, and of course we don't all agree. It's really not any different with them. You meet people where they are, find common ground, and try to find something you can relate. This doesn't always work, but if you're day and night, you just see life differently. Find like minded people you can collaborate with. There's a huge ocean of fish out there, we make it limited from our perspective. There's billion's of people on the planet, and we get stuck on the "Small Speck". That's like looking in the galaxy and focusing on one star, and ignoring the rest of them which may be a better match at being a friend, business partner, romantic partner. When the right people come a long you just know they're the right ones.

I don't have a lot of friends, because I choose it that way. The five people you hang out with influence your belief system. I am picky, because I need to make smart choices. I've spoken with tons of people the last ten years, and probably only found a handful of people I really mesh well with on a regular basis. Out of all those people who come and go, I don't think about my failures. I don't even think about anything, but what's in front of me at the time when I speak with them.

The past is irrelevant. While the past choices may reflect on the present, the present is where you turn things in the direction you want to go, and by doing something now, you're building a better future. People come and go. People say what they say. People do what they do. Usually 95% of them rarely stick around in your life long-term. They're here for the moment and gone tomorrow. Those really invested in you will interact with you, get to know who you are personally, stick around long-term. Usually they're the one's who get you somewhere in life long-term. The one's I hang with, we help each other out, share resources, try to move together towards are goals, and don't judge one another. We're all different, have our opinions, and we don't always agree. Still we find things to talk about. We don't talk every day. We don't work on the same projects. We don't live in the same area. We're all working towards are goals. There's times we come together to share information and part again.

I think sometimes we take things to seriously, make it about ourselves, beat ourselves up, searching for perfection in human nature, and it doesn't exist. Perfectionism is something to exit out of, because it holds you back if you don't allow yourself to some lee way to make some errors or fail.

 

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[Fastlane Liam]

Nobody will care about your failures

 

[Late Bloomer]

They ask, so what do you do? All I can reference is my slowlane job and when they ask what I do outside of work, I give this dead blank stare because the only thing I can remember is me failing in business

There's more to life than making money. If you found something that could interest you as a hobby a few hours per week or month, it would be good for happiness and mental health, and also be a good way to meet people and make new connections. If you were successful, what would you do for fun or just because it interests you or it's meaningful to you? Can you start to do that now?

As for the job question, how about an answer like this. "Right now I have a day job at X, but that's just to pay the bills while I'm learning how I could start my own business doing Y. I'm reading and talking with people and hope to have my business plan finished soon. How about you, what do you do?" That answers people's curiosity, doesn't pigeonhole you, doesn't bring up your self-anger about your wasted time. Gives them a chance to say more or to move on to another subject if they'd rather talk about something else.

 

[TheOrchestrator]

Haha, love how each of our quotes, strung together, flowed so well. Pretty much how many E-Books on Amazon are written these days.

 

[Mr4213]

I did not read all of the replies, so I apologize if someone might have already said what I am about to say.

I know exactly how you feel man. I started my first business at 19 instead of going to college or some other pursuit.

The business ended up failing. Naturally, I will look back and think that if I would have gone to school instead, I would almost be done with my degree by now. But instead of that, it appears I have nothing to show for my life.

When I have those thoughts I immediately catch myself and remind myself that those feelings are a natural response. But its important to remember that it is a feeling and not truth.

Failing is apart of the process to the event that you want. Most entrepreneurs fail multiple times before they get where they want. Those are learning experiences that help you get better and you should not feel bad about them. It is very common and completely natural for entrepreneurs to fail their first time around.

But here is something you might like to know. I work at a job that requires me to come into constant contact with new hires before they go to work for their new company that hired them.

I meet college graduates every single day that just recently graduated and are taking a entry level job (that you can have without a degree) just so they can get their foot in the door and get a job. I am talking about people like mechanical engineer graduates taking basic entry level jobs doing something not even related to engineering so they can "hopfully" get the job they actually want.

That degree does not mean jack shit. It is a piece of paper. All of these graduates are willingly volunteering themselves to the game which we call the rat race. They are surrendering their life and desires to a boss that can choose to either care or not give a F*ck what they want. Why should the boss care anyways? He can easily replace you with the thousands of other graduates who are desperately seeking a job anywhere they can find one.

I guarantee the owners of those companies don't give a F*ck about trying to find a job anywhere that will take them. I guarantee the owners of those companies do what they want with their time. I gurantee that when those owners come to "work" its because they want to be there and not because they are forced to be there everyday.

Lastly, even knowing the above. I still think it can be hard to push those thoughts out of your mind.

What scares me personally, is not getting better everyday somehow. You don't have to go to college to get better. You can teach yourself new skills and hobbies that improve your value, so that way you don't feel like your stagnate and have nothing to show for yourself.

For example, I teach myself Spanish strictly because I want to do that. My Spanish speaking skills have improved a lot and now I have a very basic level of fluency. In a few months I'll be speaking even better.

So now when I think I have nothing to show for myself, I can say no that's not true. I spend time everyday learning a valuable skill that increases my value in the world. No matter what happens that knowledge cannot be taken away from me unless I stop practicing.

Every day that I study Spanish, even if I did nothing else that day, I am still better than I was yesterday because I improved in some way.

You should try to pick up a side skill you practice.

 

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