We do what we WANT

[SteveO]

Why is this simple concept so difficult? Doing what we want is defining our lives....

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

Why is this simple concept so difficult? Doing what we want is defining our lives....

I think because there's another psychological factor in play: delayed gratification VS instant gratification.

The Marshmallow experiment proves that most adults are still battling childlike impetuousness.

That means, it is easier to pick the video game (instant gratification) over the gym (delayed gratification).

Sure we want BOTH funtime with games and the hot body, but when given a choice, most people take the instant gratification path. This concept is I believe, the root of all success/failure in any endeavor requiring a process.

40 Years of Stanford Research Found That People With This One Quality Are More Likely to Succeed

40 years of Stanford research revealed the impact delayed gratification can have on our success in life. Read this article to learn the surprising results.

jamesclear.com

 

[Andy Black]

“Tell me what you’ve done and I’ll tell you who you are.”

- Unknown

 

[SteveO]

I think because there's another psychological factor in play: delayed gratification VS instant gratification.

The Marshmallow experiment proves that most adults are still battling childlike impetuousness.

That means, it is easier to pick the video game (instant gratification) over the gym (delayed gratification).

Sure we want BOTH funtime with games and the hot body, but when given a choice, most people take the instant gratification path. This concept is I believe, the root of all success/failure in any endeavor requiring a process.

40 Years of Stanford Research Found That People With This One Quality Are More Likely to Succeed

40 years of Stanford research revealed the impact delayed gratification can have on our success in life. Read this article to learn the surprising results.

jamesclear.com

I agree. The concept of "want" does not resonate with most people anyway. Delayed vs. instant gratification is a much easier concept to grasp. Not easier to control, but easier to understand.

I constantly evaluate in real time whether I am doing or choosing what I want. Don't really spend a lot of time evaluating or justifying the choice, just desire to understand what I'm doing. Sometimes I want the instant gratification. No issue with that as long as it is not a constant.

Sometimes I find myself getting sidetracked at which point a quick mental check makes sense. Probably no different than making a list of your priorities and sticking with them. But, I don't really get as much from that discipline.

Understanding the "want" works to change a mental concept for me.

 

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[JUAREZ]

I think because there's another psychological factor in play: delayed gratification VS instant gratification.

The Marshmallow experiment proves that most adults are still battling childlike impetuousness.

That means, it is easier to pick the video game (instant gratification) over the gym (delayed gratification).

Sure we want BOTH funtime with games and the hot body, but when given a choice, most people take the instant gratification path. This concept is I believe, the root of all success/failure in any endeavor requiring a process.

40 Years of Stanford Research Found That People With This One Quality Are More Likely to Succeed

40 years of Stanford research revealed the impact delayed gratification can have on our success in life. Read this article to learn the surprising results.

jamesclear.com

This is a very interesting concept. Let's take a clear example: gym. Here, you know that if you work consistently, you will feel better, will look better, you will be more healthy . So the gratification exist, later in the process

Now, let's change this concept to business : here, a new variable appear. The possibility that delayed gratification will not appear. So how can you get beyond that feeling and still do the work? I know you must have a strong why, but sometimes this thought appears and you must fight with it. Why is so hard to just get to work and do the things? Why is our body trying to sabotage us? Do you think it has some connection with how we were raised?

 

[Andy Black]

This is a very interesting concept. Let's take a clear example: gym. Here, you know that if you work consistently, you will feel better, will look better, you will be more healthy . So the gratification exist, later in the process

Now, let's change this concept to business : here, a new variable appear. The possibility that delayed gratification will not appear. So how can you get beyond that feeling and still do the work? I know you must have a strong why, but sometimes this thought appears and you must fight with it. Why is so hard to just get to work and do the things? Why is our body trying to sabotage us? Do you think it has some connection with how we were raised?

I didn’t run or lift weights to look better or feel healthier. I did it because I enjoyed the training sessions, and enjoyed seeing incremental progress.

I enjoy the work I do daily, more than hitting some future goal.

Maybe it’s upbringing… my dad was in the military so instilled in us the ability to take pleasure in polishing shoes and ironing shirts. Haha.

 

[Ronak]

This is a very interesting concept. Let's take a clear example: gym. Here, you know that if you work consistently, you will feel better, will look better, you will be more healthy . So the gratification exist, later in the process

Now, let's change this concept to business : here, a new variable appear. The possibility that delayed gratification will not appear. So how can you get beyond that feeling and still do the work? I know you must have a strong why, but sometimes this thought appears and you must fight with it. Why is so hard to just get to work and do the things? Why is our body trying to sabotage us? Do you think it has some connection with how we were raised?

The result isn't certain in business, even with effort. But when things are in motion, you have the ability get feedback.

Many times, that feedback is hard to digest, so we get sidetracked and start questioning whether it's worth it, or whether we should quit and do something else. It becomes a perpetual cycle. They key to success is to not take that feedback personally, and to make adjustments and iterations in response. If you can do that long enough, without giving up, you will succeed, eventually. There is no timeline.

The mental chatter is just that. A component of yourself that you identify with. But it's not YOU. Your true self can listen to that chatter, and say, ok..noted...and just move on. The challenge is when we forget our identity and think, " I am my mind. And I MUST follow what it says." No, you don't. The mind is a tool that's good for certain things, and horrible for others. You choose how and when to listen. Think of it as a 4 year old genius. It has great insights for certain things
But it's a child at the end of the day. You don't listen when it throws a tantrum for a toy.

You know what is guaranteed failure? Inaction.

 

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[JUAREZ]

The result isn't certain in business, even with effort. But when things are in motion, you have the ability get feedback.

Many times, that feedback is hard to digest, so we get sidetracked and start questioning whether it's worth it, or whether we should quit and do something else. It becomes a perpetual cycle. They key to success is to not take that feedback personally, and to make adjustments and iterations in response. If you can do that long enough, without giving up, you will succeed, eventually. There is no timeline.

The mental chatter is just that. A component of yourself that you identify with. But it's not YOU. Your true self can listen to that chatter, and say, ok..noted...and just move on. The challenge is when we forget our identity and think, " I am my mind. And I MUST follow what it says." No, you don't. The mind is a tool that's good for certain things, and horrible for others. You choose how and when to listen. Think of it as a 4 year old genius. It has great insights for certain things
But it's a child at the end of the day. You don't listen when it throws a tantrum for a toy.

You know what is guaranteed failure? Inaction.

Thank you for the detailed response. It resonates with me more thank you think. Thank for the reminder that I am not my mind. So, when those thoughts come back, take a step back, notice them and move forward with the plan until you receive real feedback based on your actions.

 

[Antifragile]

This is a real rabbit hole of a thread. A mind bender.

We don’t want to go to the gym. We want to have a great body fully of energy, sexy look that gets us lucky… we want status, etc. In the end, we all want to feel happy.

For @Andy Black it may have meant pleasing his father or adhering to the military status of “I enjoy this pain”. A rabbit hole discussion!

And MJ is right too. Those kids who were able to delay gratification did much better in life later. But life is complex and our brains aren’t permanently wired a particular way. We can and do change (with massive difficulty of course).

But at the core of it all, I wholeheartedly agree with @SteveO - we live the lives we chose, we do what we want.

In our heads we have an identity, everything we do then fits into that. If I see myself as a Lambo driving person, I’ll get one even if I don’t yet own a house. But if I see myself as an executive who wouldn’t fit with the identify of a flashy lambo, I will not buy it. When my identify is that of an athlete, no matter what age, I will workout, I will train. But if I am just another dad, I’ll sit on a couch play with my kid and think “that’s OK, I did a nice walk two weeks ago, that’s good cardio and all dads have a beer gut, it’s normal”. We tolerate anything that’s not directly tied to our identity.

If you think “I am a smoker who’s trying to quit” — you will never quit. I’ll bet money on that. It’s that identity.

We do what we want.

But the rabbit hole is so much deeper than that. Calling on @Black_Dragon43 - in his episode he explained that what we desire (goods) is actually not even our real desire. It’s stuff others taught us to desire. We want to be told what to want. Case in point for me. I never liked G-Wagon Mercedes cars, but then two of my friends bought them, suddenly I am thinking… my next car is likely to be a G. And I am sincere when I say that I now really like the car. It’s a classic look, it’s an amazing technology and sound. It’s been redesigned and now it’s perfect. Right?

Rabbit hole…

Thanks @SteveO - you have a gift for messing with poeple’s brains with your threads haha.

 

[Andy Black]

My dad instilled in us the pleasure in repetitive movement and mastering a process one step at a time.

He also instilled in us the satisfaction in doing a job well done, no matter how small it was.

I remember him saying that if I didn’t enjoy ironing my shirts then I wasn’t doing it right.

Years later when I worked in London I remember ironing five shirts for the week every Sunday evening. I was so focused on doing them right that it was like meditation.

And hanging up five crisp shirts put me in good form for the week.

 

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[Kevin88660]

This post got me onto the subject of wants.

We talk about all the things that we want and don't want. We then take actions that are counter to what we say.

If we truly want something, we will figure out a way to get it. Otherwise, we just think that we want it. In reality, we want something else more.

Let's say that you want to go to the gym for a workout. You come home to get ready but end up sitting down in front of the tv or game station and don't make it out to your workout. What did you really want more?

You can chalk it up to a lot of things, put blame on circumstances or even play the victim.

Perhaps rather than looking at your motivation, processes, and excuses, you should be looking at what your wants really are.

From a sales angle it is better to create services/products that people are already paying money to buy, and create contents that people are searching for, rather than trying to build things that people “need”.

The word “need” carry a subjective connotation that what we think others ought to do, which might not be what they want to do or will do.

 

[Paul David]

I think because there's another psychological factor in play: delayed gratification VS instant gratification.

The Marshmallow experiment proves that most adults are still battling childlike impetuousness.

That means, it is easier to pick the video game (instant gratification) over the gym (delayed gratification).

Sure we want BOTH funtime with games and the hot body, but when given a choice, most people take the instant gratification path. This concept is I believe, the root of all success/failure in any endeavor requiring a process.

40 Years of Stanford Research Found That People With This One Quality Are More Likely to Succeed

40 years of Stanford research revealed the impact delayed gratification can have on our success in life. Read this article to learn the surprising results.

jamesclear.com

Yes correct. I also however think the WHY plays a big part in this.

For example I'll go for a walk in the morning and plan how I'm going to eat healthy today, then when I hungry my previous bad habits kick in and i'll end up eating either an unhealthy lunch or make a poor snack choice. Literally within in the space of 2 hours.

That's certainly a case of instance gratification v delayed.

Now, add a WHY and let's say I'm a film star and I'm due to start a new movie in 12 weeks, and I need to be in a certain shape. There's no way I'd be making the same decision to eat poorly.

Or if I had a heart attack the Doctor told me if you don't start eating healthy and lose 2 stone you'll be dead in 12 months. Again you wouldn't catch me eating unhealthy.

Extreme examples but the WHY certain plays a major part in adults when choosing instant v delayed gratification.

I've even had thoughts of how I can create reasonable WHY's to give me the kick up the backside I need, like again using the gym/eating healthy example - Give someone I trust a semi naked picture of myself in the current shape that I am. And give them permission that unless I achieved this (INSERT GOAL) by (INSERT TIME FRAME), you can post that picture on your Facebook page so everyone can see it.

Like the parable about the dog sitting on the nail, you have to make it hurt more to stay in the same place.

 

[Ronak]

Yes correct. I also however think the WHY plays a big part in this.

For example I'll go for a walk in the morning and plan how I'm going to eat healthy today, then when I hungry my previous bad habits kick in and i'll end up eating either an unhealthy lunch or make a poor snack choice. Literally within in the space of 2 hours.

That's certainly a case of instance gratification v delayed.

Now, add a WHY and let's say I'm a film star and I'm due to start a new movie in 12 weeks, and I need to be in a certain shape. There's no way I'd be making the same decision to eat poorly.

Or if I had a heart attack the Doctor told me if you don't start eating healthy and lose 2 stone you'll be dead in 12 months. Again you wouldn't catch me eating unhealthy.

Extreme examples but the WHY certain plays a major part in adults when choosing instant v delayed gratification.

I've even had thoughts of how I can create reasonable WHY's to give me the kick up the backside I need, like again using the gym/eating healthy example - Give someone I trust a semi naked picture of myself in the current shape that I am. And give them permission that unless I achieved this (INSERT GOAL) by (INSERT TIME FRAME), you can post that picture on your Facebook page so everyone can see it.

Like the parable about the dog sitting on the nail, you have to make it hurt more to stay in the same place.

Another overlooked tool is the planning behind a decision.

Most of the time, we rely on self discipline or will power to follow through on a promise to ourselves, but lack the planning and infrastructure required to carry it out.

For example, after deciding to eat healthy, throw away all junk food in the house. Have some healthy food ready to eat. Have some quick recipes on hand for a fast, healthy meal.

When we rely too much on our power in the moment, we're setting up for failure. The time invested in the plan will be well spent.

Too afraid to make a "permanent" change?

Commit yourself to only 5 weeks. Anyone can do that, and it will be an easier transition.

 

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