Too scared to call her, wtf is wrong with me!?

[GuestUser8117]

So there's this girl I haven't seen for a year because of my stupidity, my fear of calling her. We've seen 5-6 times and I really liked her. We're not really friends though. Last time I saw her we kissed. You see months have passed, days pass by without seeing each other. I called 2 times despite my fear but I'm still shiting in my pants. I'm so afraid to pick up the damn phone.

Everytime I take the phone my heart rate is increasing like crazy and I fail to call her. This is so frustrating I wonder what the hell is wrong with me. We talk on facebook but that's it. I am disgusted with my behavior right now, how can I conquer this fear?

 

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[Ãœbertreffen]

What's her phone number? I'll call her for you. Just kidding of course.

How can you overcome this? By doing. How does one survive in business? Definitely not over thinking the littlest things in life.

You are running through all the things that could happen or planning your conversation out. How about quit being a bitch about it?

If you never pick up the phone, someone else will. Are you going to grab what's yours or just hand it off to someone else? If you mess up or run out of things to talk about just tell her you gotta go or hang up, grab your composure and call back.


If you take offense to this, I apologize in advance. I'm joking around but at the same time people need to realize not to worry about all the little things in life.



- Devin

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Last time I saw her we kissed.

A woman wouldn't allow this if she didn't have an interest in you. This gives you good odds of not being rejected.

Freaking take a deep breath and call her. She won't bite. She's human. There are plenty of things going on in the world for you to talk about.

In the words of Michael Jordan, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

 

[oddball]

A woman wouldn't allow this if she didn't have an interest in you. This gives you good odds of not being rejected.

Freaking take a deep breath and call her. She won't bite. She's human. There are plenty of things going on in the world for you to talk about.

In the words of Michael Jordan, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Eh, I don't know...there are some crazies out there.

It was actually Wayne Gretzky who said that, Michael may have repeated it though.

 

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[DavidofMN]

Just do it. If you don't you could be kicking yourself years later when you are wondering "What if...."
If it doesn't work at least you'll know. Get dialing.

 

[socaldude]

being able to confidently talk to a human being is something you are BORN with. thats another secret of excellent public speaking. your fear is a LEARNED response. a very irrational one! when you were a little kid you would laugh and talk and not give a shit who was watching. feel the fear, laugh at it, realize how ridiculous it is and then FCKN DO IT.


“Every mile you go in the wrong direction is really a two mile error. Unlearning is twice as hard as learning.” --Unknown

“When any real progress is made, we unlearn and learn anew what we thought we knew before.” -- Henry David Thoreau

“We must unlearn the constellation to see the stars.” -- Jack Gilbert from the poem “Tear it down”

“It is not hard to learn more. What is hard is to unlearn when you discover yourself wrong.” -- Martin H. Fisher

“The chief object of education is not to learn things but to unlearn things.” -- G.K. Chesterton

 

[The-J]

It's easy to tell him that he shouldn't be scared if you're a guy who just doesn't care.

Mate, I know it's hard. Nothing will make it easier. Anyone who tells you that it will get easier is lying.

Knowing this, do it anyway. You have nothing to lose by calling (unless this girl is crazy and is willing to call rape on you).

 

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[DeletedUser2]

Dont be a wuss.




Z

 

[Lights]

What makes this woman so special you can't speak to her?

 

[FastNAwesome]

Everytime I take the phone my heart rate is increasing like crazy

Cool! So she's exciting to you! I really wouldn't want to call a girl that doesn't awaken emotions in me.

This is so frustrating I wonder what the hell is wrong with me.

Nothing wrong, you like the girl, just a normal reaction

how can I conquer this fear

First realize it's not fear, it's excitement.

But it doesn't matter to you how we call it, you wanna know how to overcome it.
So here's an idea:

- Arrange a date with her, either via facebook (you can do that) or by phone (you can do that too,
as you already called twice and survived

- If you do it by phone, keep it short, because you don't like the feeling, and there's not much to
talk anyway, just arrange the date, and you'll talk when you meet

NOTE: you kissed AND she's still in contact with you AND she's been patient enough to wait a year for you
to call her on a new date, so it's about time that you do.

From all you said it seems she likes you, so go for it, because even the most patient girl won't wait forever.

 

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[AgonI]

FEAR OF REJECTION, that's all it is. Remember one thing in life, you ONLY get what you fight for, nothing comes to you unless you fight for it. If you don't call her someone else will probably and you'll regret not calling her, so pick up the phone and just do it! Nothing to lose, everything to gain!

 

[socaldude]

look at it this way also: girls love it when guys call them they dont hate it.

 

[Vic]

We are rooting for you, whatever you do, keep us posted!

 

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[Alana]

I think I’m the only female on this thread so far….so here’s my (estrogen filled) take on it.
You didn’t mention if you actually TALKED to her the last two times you called. I’m assuming you didn’t. So that being said:
--either she kissed you like some girls kiss adorable puppies (ie: oh, you’re cute! And you bought me a drink and the moon is out so what the heck! Cheers! *smooch*)
OR….
--she is interested in you, gave you a clear green light, and is just waiting for you to make the next move (like calling her and asking her out on a date).
Don’t think that because you already kissed her that a first official date isn’t in order…get a fresh start…ask her out. If she declines, at least you’ll know one way or another.
Guys usually like a challenge and girls usually like to be pursued (I said USUALLY folks…please don’t send me nasty notes on how I’m stereotyping the sexes).
And remember: guys fall in love with their eyes, girls fall in love with their ears. Tell her how you’ve been thinking about her (not obsessing…but thinking). It will flatter her if anything.
Best o’ luck to you…but seriously….call her already....(it's a date...not a marriage proposal)

 

[MJ DeMarco]

It's easy to tell him that he shouldn't be scared if you're a guy who just doesn't care.

Not really -- she's already given him the "green light" ...

To put it in a business perspective, he's closed the sale but is unwilling to reach out his hand and take the money. (One simple action, the call.)

 

[Likwid24]

I use to be extremely shy around girls. It started changing around my senior year in high school, I guess when I started realizing that if I didn't try, then I would never know the outcome. What's the worst they can say. I got turned down quite a few times, but somehow became more confident each time. By the end of my senior year I was on a roll, which continued until I found the woman of my dreams.

The difference here is that you have your foot in the door already. It would probably be pretty tough to mess it up. You need to just get over your fear and talk to her already. Make your move. Odds are that she won't be the one making the move.

Some things I learned:

-Always be yourself
-Don't try being something your not
-Woman love a man that can make them laugh. Be funny, even if it's corny. If they laugh at your corny jokes, then your in there like swimwear. lol
-Every time you don't act, you'll be wondering "What if"
-It's not that bad at all if they say no. There's plenty more out there who will say yes.

And......A sip of Jack Daniel's can do wonders. Just a sip though. Don't go down a glass. Just enough to lighten you up. (I'm serious about this one. It always worked for me! )

 

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[Halffull]

The only way to get over a fear is to... get over the fear.

Try visualizing yourself calling... then just do it.

 

[Likwid24]

BTW - How old are you?

 

[TheTruth]

This is actually a really good thing.

You probably made 5000 movies in your head of how this will play out, what you guys are going to do in the future, how you should approach it etc. etc.

Which equals you being perplexed and putting yourself into a downward spiral.

The point is, you already know exactly what to do and how to do it. Asking 100 people on the forum and researching the best way to approach this kills your chances simply because you are looking for reasons to fail.

Take 1 deep breath and call your buddy. Shoot the shit with him and move around while you are talking to him. This will put you in a social state.

Once you hang up the phone immediatly call her and blast of a joke you had with your friend. NO akward Hi's, nothing.

In summary you only have 2 things to do: 1) call your friend and joke around for 5 minutes while walking around, 2) call her and tell her about the joking around. The rest will take care of itself.

 

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[Likwid24]

The point is, you already know exactly what to do and how to do it. Asking 100 people on the forum and researching the best way to approach this kills your chances simply because you are looking for reasons to fail.

Exactly. Not being himself.

 

[TheTruth]

Exactly. Not being himself.

I've seen this alone kill guys who want success with women. Cool guy's just acting weird with no calibration. This leads to self-doubt and creates mental barriers.

Myself included. Took me a while to figure things out, but like you said, taking action is the key. Approach 100 women and then see if you are "afraid" to call "that girl".

 

[theDarkness]

Fear is normal. You must act despite it.

Generally the resistance triggered by fear is highest just before the "trigger step." That one thing you need to find the balls to do that will set everything else in motion. The step after which you're like, "Damn, why was I so worried? This is natural and fun."

Don't wait for fear to go away. You could die waiting. Acknowledge it and act.

What's the next discrete step? Simply pressing her contact icon on your iphone? Grab an egg timer, set it for a minute. Until that timer goes off you are the baddest mf-er on the planet. You can be a coward later. Tell yourself that after that minute you can go back to being your normal afraid self. But until the eggtimer dings you are absolutely out of your mind, you are a damned crazy fool, and you are going to press the crap out of that contact icon.

You'll be in the flow before you can remember your promise to go back to being a coward, and momentum will carry you forward from there.


For me personally, in moments of doubt, the simple question of "What's the next discrete step?" is a miracle-worker. As an example, I don't know how to bake really. I do know, however, how to call up my baking-fanatic buddy, or how to google "learning to bake for noobs 101." Or more personally, I never knew how to wind up married to a woman that I would love more than the world. I did, however, know how to say Hi.

 

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[OzGrinder]

It would actually be better for you if you call and get rejected. You're freaking out about calling some girl and posting about it online.

What happens if she says yes, then it turns into a relationship, then 6 months down the track she's treating you like crap, are you going to have the balls to walk away? Or are you going to be thinking 'it was so hard to get her, I can't leave her, I might not find anyone better etc.'

Once you get rejected a few hundred times, calling a girl becomes as routine as taking a shower. Whether it's an FHM model, TV actress or the 'girl next door' you used to have a crush on... You'll no longer care. The fear/excitement will disappear for the most part.

Once you get to there you can concentrate on screening every girl you date to find someone who's a perfect match for you, rather than just settling for whatever girl shows interest regardless of compatibility.

 

[Rickson9]

Kinda related to MJ's post:

https://www.thefastlaneforum.com/mindset-motivation-choices/44145-6-harsh-truths-will-make-you-better-person.html

 

[road_runner]

I have been in the same shoes when i was a teen. Basically at some point the idea is to do this, just to remove the sick feeling in your stomach. The outcome is not important. Think of it like this- once you do it, you might feel embarrassed for a minute or two, but you will feel relieved.

 

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[Lights]

eh... I was just thinking

you need to get some b@lls. That's what is wrong with you. You wimp/sissy. You sound like you might be the type to be the fool. The guy who will allow his girlfriend to cheat on him, and still love her with all his heart because she's the one. The guy who will let the woman make all the decisions. The guy who will live with rose color glasses.

I'm saying this for your own good too, since a guy who is this afraid to approach a girl is usually a sucker. Any girl can wink at you and you will think it's love at first sight

You have a heavy crush which I consider odd for a guy pass 19 to have. It's been over a year. You need to get out some. If you're younger than 19, then I think it's normal, but I assume not because you said you knew her for a while.

Pick up that phone, if you want a date. Don't expect marriage. Or don't pick it up. Either way, she might already have a boyfriend. Don't settle for someone who has no compatibility, you might as well be single and free then trap and unhappy.

Work on yourself. Build your confidence up.

edit: I check. Your first message said you're 20 in 2011, so you're 21. Grow a pair!

 

[TK1]

 

[Brendan60Pilot]

In summary you only have 2 things to do: 1) call your friend and joke around for 5 minutes while walking around, 2) call her and tell her about the joking around. The rest will take care of itself.

This is great advice!!! Honestly, there are other girls out there that will give you those same emotions. If you blow it with this one, you do what we do in biz... On to the next one. but you gotta act. Who dares, wins!

 

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[santa]

just to add a small addition to advice already given;
texting can still be useful!

You may find the video below with Henry Cloud useful. It's a talk given to a religious audience (I'm not but I think some of his relationship stuff is decent.
[video=youtube;EbGFjXcvH3w]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbGFjXcvH3w[/video]

 

[DeletedUser2]

(it's a date...not a marriage proposal)

dont be a wuss.