Thoughts on Marriage/Kids and the Fastlane dream

[ClintonSkakun]

Life is complicated.

1. Get rich as a single guy ~> avoid gold diggers(unless you want just sex, ok also)
2. Get rich as a married guy ~> it's a hit and miss that your family will be on board. You might end up at #1 again.

Either way, there are struggles.

I personally don't think it's a good idea to get married if you make any above average living. A relationship should be about two people who are comfortable together and love each other, not about some peace of paper saying they have to give up ownership of their assets. TBH I really hate weddings and all the money that goes into the ridiculous ceremony.

I once heard a pastor say "A women gives up the most valuable part of herself, her body, to a man who gives up his most valuable possession, freedom." I thought, how true. But who the hell wants to give up freedom? Why would you want to be apart of such a painful relationship? Why would I lock myself into being with a person who I really don't have any control over.

Aside from marriage, women are awesome.

 

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[Darkside]

Life is complicated.

1. Get rich as a single guy ~> avoid gold diggers(unless you want just sex, ok also)
2. Get rich as a married guy ~> it's a hit and miss that your family will be on board. You might end up at #1 again.

Either way, there are struggles.

I personally don't think it's a good idea to get married if you make any above average living. A relationship should be about two people who are comfortable together and love each other, not about some peace of paper saying they have to give up ownership of their assets. TBH I really hate weddings and all the money that goes into the ridiculous ceremony.

I once heard a pastor say "A women gives up the most valuable part of herself, her body, to a man who gives up his most valuable possession, freedom." I thought, how true. But who the hell wants to give up freedom? Why would you want to be apart of such a painful relationship? Why would I lock myself into being with a person who I really don't have any control over.

Aside from marriage, women are awesome.

True. There's nothing wrong with being in a relationship. When you're living separately and you're just bf/gf, everything is great. If you want to stay out all night, your gf isn't going to get on your case and if she does, you can just dump her. But, when you get married you have to be home at a certain time or else your wife will suspect that you're cheating on her. You have to hand over some control of your finances to your wife even though when you were just dating you considered it 100% your money. And, if you don't get a pre-nup she walks away with half of your wealth even though she wasn't the one who earned it.

I just don't see why people would willingly give up their freedom just to be like everyone else. The societal pressure makes people get married around 30 years of age because they see all their friends doing it and they don't want to feel like the old single guy or single girl. So, they'd rather lose their freedom just so that they don't end up alone. And, studies show that for most marriages, the passion dies after the first 3 years.

 

[ClintonSkakun]

True. There's nothing wrong with being in a relationship. When you're living separately and you're just bf/gf, everything is great. If you want to stay out all night, your gf isn't going to get on your case and if she does, you can just dump her. But, when you get married you have to be home at a certain time or else your wife will suspect that you're cheating on her. You have to hand over some control of your finances to your wife even though when you were just dating you considered it 100% your money. And, if you don't get a pre-nup she walks away with half of your wealth even though she wasn't the one who earned it.

I just don't see why people would willingly give up their freedom just to be like everyone else. The societal pressure makes people get married around 30 years of age because they see all their friends doing it and they don't want to feel like the old single guy or single girl. So, they'd rather lose their freedom just so that they don't end up alone. And, studies show that for most marriages, the passion dies after the first 3 years.

Yeah, I agree. If you're going to be in a legally binding relationship, at least get a pre-nup. And there's chicks that get offended over pre-nups, as if every relationship that ends in family court starts off with the earmarks. The tell tale signs of a relationship that ends badly seems to be the same or good relationships. What can I say, humans seem to use their genitals to think when it comes to this stuff.

If we die old and alone, it probably wont be because we never got married or had kids. It's hard to say how we're going to die, or grow old. For the most part, I think it's a waste of time to plan what you're life is going to be like when you're 72. Largely it's up to chance. Who says we're not going to die next year, or that life's going to take a turn in a totally different direction. That's just the adventure of life.

 

[bflbob]

I'm with you on this. I've worked retail as a cashier and most of the parents that I've seen with young children look unhappy and frustrated. Why would I want to put myself through taking care of kids during the difficult childhood years, the rebellious teenage years, and pay for their college expenses just for the few moments when they do something cute? I personally don't care if my genes survive or not as humanity will be fine without me making a contribution to it's future through my sperm. I'm young so I might change my mind later, but that's how I feel at the moment. Maybe when I'm 40 I will develop an urge to have kids; can't say for sure that I won't.

Wow... lucky for you old mom and dad didn't think that way!

Reminds me of a comedienne I saw the other day:

Son: If I'm such a pain, why did you have me then?

Mom: Well, we didn't know it was going to be you.

 

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[yveskleinsky]

I stopped reading after i realized this was a get married after money because money == divorce. This is some silly shit. You want to know how not to argue over money, keep it separate. Been doing it 7 years, and never a single argument over money. I realize when kids come that will change sightly but that is fine.

I used to think the same way Chris. My ex and I had separate accounts and I made sure everything I did was only on my credit (he couldn't take any risks due to his security clearance.) I sincerely regret separating our funds, because money is more than paper, it represents life energy, goals, plans, fears and concerns. When we began having separate plans we were not working as a team and we stopped communicating in many ways. There is a lot to be said for sitting down with a bottle of wine and just communicating about staying on the same page and modifying the plan as need be. When there are separate accounts, these conversations don't generally happen as each member of the team begins to function independently--not that my husband needed to know about a new pair of shoes, or that I needed to know that guy's night led to a massacre at the three card poker table, but for big ticket things such as retirement, buying a business/starting a business, buying a house etc.; it's important to be in the loop, and on the same page. I know many people will disagree with me on this one, and maybe I am a born again traditionalist when it comes to money and marriage, but I think a good marriage is like a three-legged race--if you can get in stride you can really go far, if you can't then one of you is dragging the other. Getting on the same page, and hashing out a plan as to how to direct your life energy is a form of intimacy and team building and can be a great way to keep communication open with your partner. ...I would be curious to hear from those here who've been happily married for a long time what their thoughts are on separating accounts (Russ? Sonya?...Anyone...Bueller?)

 

[bflbob]

I would be curious to hear from those here who've been happily married for a long time what their thoughts are on separating accounts (Russ? Sonya?...Anyone...Bueller?)

34 years, joint accounts.

But, we each have our own joint accounts. Actually, now that I think about it, we have too many joint accounts.

 

[Darkside]

Wow... lucky for you old mom and dad didn't think that way!

Reminds me of a comedienne I saw the other day:

Son: If I'm such a pain, why did you have me then?

Mom: Well, we didn't know it was going to be you.

The flipside is that if they didn't decide to have me, then I wouldn't exist to care either way. Don't get me wrong; it's necessary for this process to happen. A certain segment of society should have kids so that we can have more people and the human race can progress into future generations. But, I don't think it hurts if a few people choose to abstain. After all, it's better for someone who doesn't want to have kids not to have them than to bring children into an environment where they won't be fully appreciated.

 

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[ice]

I don't find it that easy to fall in love.

I like a lot of people, but love is a different story.

I don't plan on getting married. I also don't want children, so no worries.

My real goal is to adopt a dog from a shelter. I already have one dog, but I would like him to have another dog with which to play. That would complete my happy family!

I don't think the meaning of life comes from sharing it with someone. I'm happy on my own.

 

[ClintonSkakun]

The flipside is that if they didn't decide to have me, then I wouldn't exist to care either way. Don't get me wrong; it's necessary for this process to happen. A certain segment of society should have kids so that we can have more people and the human race can progress into future generations. But, I don't think it hurts if a few people choose to abstain. After all, it's better for someone who doesn't want to have kids not to have them than to bring children into an environment where they won't be fully appreciated.

Haha, same POV I have.
I don't want kids or marriage. But a reason to have them wouldn't be "well, what if your parents never had you?" If my parents never had me I wouldn't have been alive to care. I suppose being non-existent/dead is like sleeping...you just don't recall anything.

 

[Ska2free]

I used to think the same way Chris. My ex and I had separate accounts and I made sure everything I did was only on my credit (he couldn't take any risks due to his security clearance.) I sincerely regret separating our funds, because money is more than paper, it represents life energy, goals, plans, fears and concerns. When we began having separate plans we were not working as a team and we stopped communicating in many ways. There is a lot to be said for sitting down with a bottle of wine and just communicating about staying on the same page and modifying the plan as need be. When there are separate accounts, these conversations don't generally happen as each member of the team begins to function independently--not that my husband needed to know about a new pair of shoes, or that I needed to know that guy's night led to a massacre at the three card poker table, but for big ticket things such as retirement, buying a business/starting a business, buying a house etc.; it's important to be in the loop, and on the same page. I know many people will disagree with me on this one, and maybe I am a born again traditionalist when it comes to money and marriage, but I think a good marriage is like a three-legged race--if you can get in stride you can really go far, if you can't then one of you is dragging the other. Getting on the same page, and hashing out a plan as to how to direct your life energy is a form of intimacy and team building and can be a great way to keep communication open with your partner. ...I would be curious to hear from those here who've been happily married for a long time what their thoughts are on separating accounts (Russ? Sonya?...Anyone...Bueller?)

I don't know that it qualifies as a long time, but married happily 10 years, joint accounts. We are also business partners in two LLCs, 50/50 in one and 51/49 in the other. Joint accounts not only keeps us on the same page (and I agree with what you said about money being more than just paper) and with a shared vision for the future...it also drastically simplifies things.

I don't necessarily disagree with having a pre-nup, though we didn't, especially in the case of unequal assets before marriage. But for us, what works is attacking the future as partners with an equal stake in the outcome.

Marriage is not for everyone, neither are kids, but really...no one is going to force you into either. You don't want it, don't do it. But it is impossible to know what the next ten years will hold, so never say never....

 

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[Rickson9]

My wife and I have been together for 10 years. Separate accounts. Different strokes for different folks!

 

[FastLearner]

Love doesn't pay the bills, honey.

Love is an illusion that the western world wants us to believe to encourage families and marriage, and those two main components are a hinderance to the fastlane lifestyle.
You want to make millions? Put the marriage and relationship on hold, if it's meant to be, it'll be. I don't see the hurry in adding on additional labels. I mean, what does that piece of paper TRULY mean? If you love her, just love her. There's no need for you to legally bind yourself into this contract, what if things go wrong? Realize that people change and the woman you're in love with now will change. Believe me. I've never been married but I know your situation, I've been in "love" many a time before..:smilielol:

 

[Kak]

I think a good woman means everything. She is not an entrepreneur, but she supports me and never gives me shit. I love her to death and she makes me very happy.

We have seperate everything (legally documented actually) and it will always be that way. Marrige or not. Works great.

 

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[Lauryn]

You know where you are going, and you've made great strides to get there. Because of this, you have a strong foot on your future. You like this girl, you have the time and the money and the freedom... You just need to make sure she's on point and on your level. If she's supportive of you and cares, then when there is a will, there is a way.

However, the key is that you're not on the sidewalk just beginning. You're actually doing something, and it's there and it's working.

 

[FastLearner]

I think a good woman means everything. She is not an entrepreneur, but she supports me and never gives me shit. I love her to death and she makes me very happy.

You got VERY LUCKY. Not everyone can attest to having a partner who is selflessly supportive.

If she's supportive of you and cares, then when there is a will, there is a way.

I think to some degree relationships are a distraction and if she can support him without a commitment from him, I think it could work once he's where he feels he needs to be.

 

[InLikeFlint]

Business first. Once you have money...the girls tend to be hotter

Also, talk to the mother on the forum (Not sure her username) that raises her two kids while her husband is stationed elsewhere while trying to start a business. She posted her schedule in Omerta's thread, and she has hardly any time to do business stuff because the kids take up so much of her time. I'd say reading her daily routine will give you a good idea of what doing family and business at the same time will be like.

 

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[FastLearner]

Business first. Once you have money...the girls tend to be hotter

Yup! No more settling for 5's and below!

lso, talk to the mother on the forum (Not sure her username) that raises her two kids while her husband is stationed elsewhere while trying to start a business. She posted her schedule in Omerta's thread, and she has hardly any time to do business stuff because the kids take up so much of her time

Moral of the story..Extra responsibilities weigh down your acceleration..(kids, wife..) Why do all of that now when you can literally have that once you've achieved success?

I don't see how slowlaners comfortably live their familial lives broke.. Or maybe I'm just that driven for success that I see no need for personal/romantic relationships

 

[OzGrinder]

You got VERY LUCKY.

Or is that just like saying a successful entrepreneur got very lucky because he's now worth millions?

Maybe he just treated dating methodically, like business, and ensured that who he was seeing was going to fit in his life, and if they didn't, moved on and found someone who would. Due diligence

It amazes me when people tell me I 'got lucky' to have found my partner... uh... no. I went out and met alot of women until I found someone who was right for me. Most of them weren't worth my time no matter how hot they were. Compare that to a guy who goes to a bar and gets into a relationship with the first good looking girl who's willing to sleep with him, then he complains when it all falls apart. :bgh:

 

[FastLearner]

It amazes me when people tell me I 'got lucky' to have found my partner... uh... no. I went out and met alot of women until I found someone who was right for me. Most of them weren't worth my time no matter how hot they were.

Having a successful relationship isn't run like a business, sweetheart. People change over time and feelings do fade into "comfort".

 

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[Get Right]

...if you don't put the effort in you won't make it. Just like business.

 

[AllenCrawley]

Since this thread has been revived I'll link here to another that is relevant.

https://www.thefastlaneforum.com/mindset-motivation-choices/44868-one-reason-i-love-my-wife.html

I've been married for well over 21 years now. My wife is absolutely amazing. I CANNOT imagine living my life without her love and support. She has been my biggest supporter and encourager. Without that my life would be living the slowlane for sure. I don't believe everyone needs a spouse or life partner in order to become successful but it certainly has aided in my case. And no, we have not treated this marriage as a business. Not intentionally anyway. Although she is loving, supporting and encouraging, she is also entrepreneurial and I return that right back. I'm her biggest fan not only in her aspirations but also in her role as mother, wife, care giver and companion. My drive is strong, in no small part, because I want to reward her faithfulness and support.

 

[Tlcalis]

Just one important thing to keep in mind

[video=youtube;Q4YJHvzo2io]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4YJHvzo2io[/video]

 

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[CommonCents]

http://taxfoundation.org/article/who-are-americas-millionaires

I posted a bit more on the other thread but according to taxfoundation.org in 2010, 86% of millionaire tax returns are married.

According to this type data and the millionaire next door profile, you are stacking the odds against you if you remain some solo renegade.

As Altucher has stated in his thread/blogs, you gotta be happy and take care of your needs, you know, being human. And a big part of that is emotional well being and meaningful relationships.

Plus providing for kids is probably the biggest motivation to get off ones a$$ in the history of mankind.

 

[JasonR]

According to this type data and the millionaire next door profile, you are stacking the odds against you if you remain some solo renegade.

Correlation is not necessarily causation.

Yes, we as humans, have basic needs. Being married isn't necessarily a need, and I actually think the "American" marriage hurts a relationship more than helps it and keeps people together for the wrong reasons.

But hey, what do I know, I like being single and playing the field. It's a lot of fun.

 

[Texan]

I read the recent posts of this threat and I thought I would add my 2 cents worth.

I was never the "fastlane entrepreneur" type until I had a kid. My wife and I had both worked before he was born (I've been married 9 years) and from a "slowlane" perspective, we were doing everything right. But something about having a kid...I realized that I wanted more time with him and that we wanted to travel wherever we wanted as a family. Now I have a baby daughter too and nothing drives to success more than family. Yes, sometimes its stressful and yes sometimes I don't get as much done as I want to get done...but I would not be nearly to this point if I had remained unmarried and childless. But that is just me!

Peace!

 

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[FastLearner]

Correlation is not necessarily causation.

I would have to agree with you. I think it's better to be self-motivated rather than using a wife and child as motivation for a better life. You should want that for yourself married or not. Because marriages DO divorce, are you still going to be AS motivated when everything around you is falling apart? Just my 2 cents.

 

[Texan]

Because marriages DO divorce, are you still going to be AS motivated when everything around you is falling apart? Just my 2 cents.

For me personally, I would say yes. I think it took having kids for me to "grow up" and accept what was really possible.