Thoughts on Marriage/Kids and the Fastlane dream

[RTC]

Guys,
What is your thoughts on getting married and having kids while trying to build your business at the same time? Is it a positive or a negative? I'm struggling with this idea right now because I left my corporate job last year and started an online business which is doing well enough for me to travel and have complete freedom. I'm nowhere near a millionaire yet but I know that I can be in a few years if I follow my plan.

During my travels, I met a girl and things are getting more serious and I'm wondering what you guys think about this for those of you who have experienced it. I know MJ isn't married nor does he have kids, but does that mean its a bad thing to do if you want this lifestyle?

 

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[domular]

Hey another Houston guy. I don't see the two being mutually exclusive. Now if by lifestyle you mean being a rich playboy then that's a problem, otherwise as long as you're with the right person I believe it only helps. Now by right person part of that is someone that supports your dream and is willing to stand by you when things take a detour. Being married to someone that wants to do what everybody else does and doesn't see the dream will make it a hundred times harder.

 

[James Fake]

I know this doesn't help much; but I'm not getting married until I'm a millionaire...
Reasons:
1) Money is a huge factor in marriage breakups.
2) All my focus is on business and it wouldn't be fair to try to squeeze in something and not give it full attention.

 

[FastNAwesome]

I know this doesn't help much; but I'm not getting married until I'm a millionaire...
Reasons:
1) Money is a huge factor in marriage breakups.
2) All my focus is on business and it wouldn't be fair to try to squeeze in something and not give it full attention.

I second that my friend. Though there can be a different twist to it - having your woman as ultimate supporter, and building together your dreams.

But I still opted for the same approach as you. I'm all about my fastlane now, gotta get there.

 

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[RTC]

domular, do the houston guys ever try to get together for brainstorming/motivation/beer sessions? If not, we should.

 

[FastNAwesome]

Guys,
What is your thoughts on getting married and having kids while trying to build your business at the same time? Is it a positive or a negative? I'm struggling with this idea right now because I left my corporate job last year and started an online business which is doing well enough for me to travel and have complete freedom. I'm nowhere near a millionaire yet but I know that I can be in a few years if I follow my plan.

During my travels, I met a girl and things are getting more serious and I'm wondering what you guys think about this for those of you who have experienced it. I know MJ isn't married nor does he have kids, but does that mean its a bad thing to do if you want this lifestyle?

In your case I'd say going with your heart can be a good thing. If you already can provide a comfortable life, why not marrying the girl you love and having some kids? This is also something of value in life, in fact of ultimate value.

I did pass on a few of great opportunities, but it was while I was in college + in debt + poorly paid. I still feel it would get in my way of building business, but hey, I don't get to travel around yet, maybe your situation is different

On the most serious note, I think it's an extremely personal decision and only you could tell what's right for you.

You will find any opinion that you want to find (that it's good or bad), but in this case, it's really personal.

 

[naushad1289]

I have read many biographies of great entrepreneurs and almost all of them have wife and kids. You really need a supportive husband/wife. That really plays a factors. Try to probe your prospective wife/husband about how your future is going to be like and see how they respond. Share your dreams of running a company and becoming a millionaire and how hard it can get sometime in terms of time commitment. See their responses to find out if they will stick by you when times do get rough. I think every situation is different. We are ultimately human beings and are built to want someone else and build to want sex. So finding the right person, I think is the right answer.

 

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[James Fake]

I have read many biographies of great entrepreneurs and almost all of them have wife and kids. You really need a supportive husband/wife.

Before or after they acquired their wealth? I have read quite the opposite; could you kindly provide the names of those entrepreneurs that had a wife/kids before or during they acquired their wealth?

 

[naushad1289]

Good question. I have been reading biographies of entrepreneurs who started some of the best fast-food restaurants that we currently enjoy throughout america and the world. ALL of them had a family BEFORE acquiring their wealth and empire. This includes the founder of Taco Bell, Domino's Pizza, Wendy's, Chick-Fil-A, and Burger King. All of them have written an autobiography which can be found on Amazon.com. I believe starting brick and mortar businesses and especially in the restaurant business is definitely difficult, much more difficult than starting an online business. These people had rough times and in fact if it was not for the wives of Taco Bell and Domino's (who bailed them out with the money they saved by working part-time jobs) then there wold be out of business. One thing I found surprising that all of them had kids (3+) before becoming successful. I mean to be honest, if I was in their position I probably would not have kids or get married but all of them did and got along fine (but definitely with lots of struggle). I think all of them knew that they could not quit as they had a family and kids to feed. I don't want to stand here and act like I know the answer but just postulating some of my thoughts.

Again, this is a very biased views. I am sure there are bundle of examples where wives/husbands got in the way of a business succeeding.

But again, being an avid reader of philosophy (including but not limited to Seneca, Emerson, Socrates, Thearau, and Plato), I have come to learn a message that have been repeated over and over which is that in life happiness is found through meaningful relationship and meaningful work.

 

[James Fake]

I think all of them knew that they could not quit as they had a family and kids to feed.

Nice one... makes sense.

 

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[mrhahn]

but does that mean its a bad thing to do if you want this lifestyle?

I don't think it's bad or good. It depends on what you really want out of life. Wealth comes in different forms, not just monetary. If getting married to your soul mate and raising a family is what makes you truly happy, then why not go for it?

Now in terms of trying to build a business AND raise a family? Have fun with that lol. As a person going through it right now, it's definitely a huge task. Starting a business with other responsibilities just splits your time up even more.

 

[dday97]

I think it depends on your definition of a dream life. If you want to travel the world and do what you want when you want then it may be a problem. Perhaps not the marriage part but kids tend to put a monkey wrench in those plans. If you're goal is to settle down a little but be able to travel some and enjoy the finer things in life (like spending more time with your family) then why would it be a problem? The key is finding a supportive partner.

I'm married and have 4 kids under 8 and I just quit my 6 figure job to pursue what I like to do and what I'm good at. What I do probably isn't fastlane but it makes more than what I was doing for a boss and affords me the opportunity to be at home with my family. We even started planning vacations more often since I can trade with a laptop on the road if I wanted to, I'm now my own boss. At the same time we were a happy couple when we had no money and lived in a crapass apartment. Dreams of certain lifestyles are individualistic, personally I wouldn't set a bank account minimum to deem the correct time to get married to someone you love and start a family.

 

[Ska2free]

These are all great comments...from my experience, I agree with dday and mrhahn. My business started in fall 2003, and I had my first kid summer 2004....not how I would have master engineered a plan, but it worked out really well. Yes, there's extra pressure to make things work when you support a family, and there's also incredible flexibility like you'll never find in corporate America.

I personally don't think you get to choose when you meet the person you want to marry, but I think there are some good reasons why you might meet that person before you make millions. When you're driven and passionate about creating your business, you are likely to be around people who share something vital in common with you...in the industry, or with a similar drive, or at the very least they are attracted to you at that point (when you are focused and creating).

To say you don't want to meet someone until after you've made millions, you may set yourself up to fall in love with someone more attracted to your millions than to the person who was able to envision and create the system to create those millions. Who do you want on your team: a spouse who's seen the work you're capable of, who understands the ups/downs...or one who shares only your passion for the passive income lifestyle, without understanding the work before?

Not to say you can't meet your perfect spouse at any time...but there's something to be said for 'trial by fire'

 

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[lmgross]

While getting married and having kids is a very personal decision, I have found that being married while on the road to the fastlane is a good thing if (and this is a big if) your partner shares your vision and value system. I don't have children, so I can't comment there, but I am fortunate to have my husband as he is supportive and inspiring. He is also my website master and will spend hours if necessary to resolve technical glitches. The slowlane and sidewalk don't appeal to him, so we are very much aligned. In short, I am lucky, but if I had a spouse or partner that wasn't aligned with my goals, that would be a hindrance. We are also there for each other when the inevitable setbacks come.

So you need to be honest and ask yourself if this woman you're interested in would support your goals. Would she be supportive if you need to work 7 days a week to get a new business off the ground and/or resolve issues with an existing business, or would she demand your undivided attention? You can also revisit the section in MJ's book that discusses the process for evaluating big decisions. That may help you gain some clarity. Good luck and let us know how it all turns out!

 

[domular]

Let's not forget that having others depending on you to keep a roof over everyone's head can be a super strong motivator to make things work in your business. If it's just you then you might be willing to accept a lot less. Again not a reason to get married and have a bunch of kids, just a perspective on how it might influence you.

 

[Bowden]

Let's not forget that having others depending on you to keep a roof over everyone's head can be a super strong motivator to make things work in your business. If it's just you then you might be willing to accept a lot less. Again not a reason to get married and have a bunch of kids, just a perspective on how it might influence you.

Great post! I agree that knowing your loved ones are depending on you is a great motivator, or potentially a stressful one depending on who the person is. I have a wonderful girlfriend who supports me in everything I want to do, and I think that helps me get through the rough days.

 

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[LightHouse]

I stopped reading after i realized this was a get married after money because money == divorce. This is some silly shit. You want to know how not to argue over money, keep it separate. Been doing it 7 years, and never a single argument over money. I realize when kids come that will change sightly but that is fine.

You don't go into marriage thinking about whats going to break it up. If you do, you are marrying the wrong individual or have personal issues that need to be worked through long before hand.

 

[Hokoleskwa]

One of my primary motivators is the prospect of quitting my day job so I can spend as much time as possible with my wife and future children. It's a challenge to keep up with my project while maintaining a healthy marriage, but if it weren't challenging, it wouldn't be worthwhile.

 

[Lights]

I don't want children that badly right now. If I'm not a millionaire then I won't have children.

And if I am a millionaire I will only marry a spouse of equal status.

And if I can't have a child, and we want a child, then he will have to accept adoption.

And if he doesn't he can leave, and I will be fine with a boy toy from Latin America (what Madonna did)

 

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[healthstatus]

You can make money anytime, real honest love may only come once.

 

[garyfritz]

Well said, healthstatus. If you encounter real honest love, with a woman who is compatible with you (and that includes your passion for business), then grab on with both hands and don't let go.

Children can be very fulfilling but they are (must be) enormous time and energy sinks. The investment should be worth it, and you may find that you absolutely love spending time with your kids. But be aware that no matter how much you love parenthood, LIFE AS YOU KNOW IT IS OVER once you have kids. You no longer have the total freedom and self-centered focus you could have as a single guy/gal. Your kids must become a, if not THE, primary focus in your life. They are much more important than your first or next million.

So if you're so focused on your business that you couldn't give massive time and attention to your kids, you should seriously consider whether you are currently in a state to become a parent. Maybe that means you get the business up and rocking, and hopefully mostly self-sustaining, before you have kids. It's generally a good idea to wait at least 3-5 years before having kids anyway, to make sure you and your new spouse are really compatible.

But bottom line: someone who has built (or is building) a Fastlane business has the opportunity to have MUCH more time and energy for his family than somebody stuck in a 9-5 rut. If you find love, go for it!!

 

[wallstreet]

Personally I think marriage in the western world is a joke and want nothing to do with it. I never want to be in a situation where I can't just leave . If I have children they will always have my support financially, emotionally, and physically.

 

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[valuegiver]

Here's the thing, hot girls want money. If you want them, well..you need to be rich (or handsome).

You can make money anytime, real honest love may only come once.

 

[Ska2free]

Here's the thing, hot girls want money. If you want them, well..you need to be rich (or handsome).

RTC started the thread asking about marrying someone he loves & connects with...I think thats completely different than your drive to find 'hot girls who want money'. No doubt there are plenty like that out there, but I wouldn't advise marrying them.

 

[healthstatus]

Here's the thing, hot girls want money. If you want them, well..you need to be rich (or handsome).

That is a ridiculous statement.

 

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[Likwid24]

First off, Great thread! I just got a chance to read through the whole thing. Some great advice for me here since I'll be getting married in less then a year. I have a great woman who is backing me 100% with my business goals. She understands what I'm trying to do and what it will take to get there. I know that no matter what she will be there for me. For rich or for poor. I've been with her for 4 years as of today and she could care less if I'm a millionaire, as long as she has me.

That leads me to this atrocity :

Here's the thing, hot girls want money. If you want them, well..you need to be rich (or handsome).

Why would you ever want to marry a woman who only wants you for your money??? Do you see what goes on with the rich and famous? Their lucky if their marriages last more than 3 years!


Speed+ for RTC for starting the thread!

 

[Kak]

domular, do the houston guys ever try to get together for brainstorming/motivation/beer sessions? If not, we should.

Hey im from houston too (when im not in waco) Lets do it!!!

To answer the ops questio, Ive got a live in GF that sometimes is negative about my ideas, but i tell her how im going to run my life. If she doesnt like it she can either keep it to herself or leave. So far ive had no issue or reasons to believe that she would ever give me a problem. She knows how i feel about jobs and corperate traps. I am going to live well below my means to smooth out the rougher times until i get my fastlane totally hammered out. My short term goal is 50k by christmas and 100k by may.

 

[Lights]

Here's the thing, hot girls want money. If you want them, well..you need to be rich (or handsome).

Hot girls... are not all generic. But girls in general, do not want a guy to marriage who cannot bring in at least 20 k.

 

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[ClintonSkakun]

There are alot of people who have had kids, entrepreneurs or not. Not sure if there's a real corelation, although different things motivate different people. Me, I don't want kids...at all. I don't want to get married either. No need to sign a legally binding contract allowing your spouse to take 50% of everything you own, if God forbid, you split.

I'd rather play the field, if the right girl does come along, so beit. Still not keen on married though.

 

[DrummerDad]

Well this is just MHO, but if you think its the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, thats pretty much all you need to know.

Im divorced. My first wife was a bitch. All she wanted was to keep up with the Jones'. Debt and more debt, with lots of fighting and arguments. A miserable 3 years because we fought about money all the time. We even had seperate accounts, at her request. NOTHING worked. And I wound up bankrupt for it.

Now Im doing fine. My (current and last) wife and I started with nothing, literally. We had 3 kids, living on about $20k a year, and had to take WIC, food stamps, and government housing. She stuck with me, through the worst. Now we are doing good, and I have a shot at making alot of money. Together we make about $60k a year now, so we arent rich, but Im in the middle of a deal that has the potential to be huge. And Im always working on other ideas. We dont fight, or argue. Sure there are spats, when money is tight, because stress is high. And I will say its tough convincing her we need to take money from our personal account for this venture, when we have bills to pay. But she helps me work it out. And thats what its all about. If you have to fight about money, or sign pre-numptuals, or keep secrets, you already on the wrong track.

I never worry about her leaving when we start making alot of money. If she stuck around through all that, shes happy.