The Entrepreneur's Guide to Dating & Relationships

[AndrewNC]

The Entrepreneur's Guide to Dating & Relationships
Since my first internet business took off in 2014, I began to travel a lot.

Every three to six months, I packed up my car and moved to a different city. I've lived and traveled anywhere from New York, North Carolina, Arizona, Colorado, to spending a summer driving up the Pacific Coast Highway from Southern California to Seattle.

For the latter half of 2016, I spent my time backpacking through Europe, spending a couple days, or a few weeks in each country.

On my travels, I've never really had the opportunity to form a deep meaningful relationship.



In November, I found myself passing through Amsterdam, where I met up with @BaraQueenbee for a short while. When she began giving me dating advice, it made absolutely no logical sense in my mind, and the only way she could get through to me is by using business analogies.

Business Analogies for Dating

When she tried to set me up with one of her friends, and I crashed and burned miserably, phrases such as the following were a very common occurrence:

"Bara, I know it's not a problem with the product...the product definitely delivers, it's a problem with the sales pitch!", I said before we broke out in laughter, "I have customer testimonials!"

So it got me thinking, isn't the process of finding a long-term-relationships very similar to having a customer for life? Closing that million-dollar client?

Let's consider this thread (as my friends call it...) the "James Altucher" approach. My followers often tell me I have the James Altucher approach to writing, and doing things in life. I try ridiculous things, see what sticks, and learn from my mistakes; writing about it to my followers in an embarrassing and entertaining manner.

Most of the time I don't learn from my mistakes and they get worse until I finally learn my lesson of what NOT to do. When I wrote one girl a love letter and she stopped talking to me, I wrote the next one a romance novel; and she kinda stopped talking to me too.

Finally, lesson learned.

For the purpose of this story, let's assume I'm selling a high-ticket-item that is one of a kind. A 30-year vintage product, which has a zero-return policy. Once you buy it, its yours for life. Or you file divorce and take half of my fortune, because I am one hell of an entrepreneur.

Remind me to have my lawyers draft up one hell of a contract (pre-nup) for this one lucky customer...

Lesson 1 - Avoiding Failure

Often times in business, I feared putting myself out there because I might get rejected or not make the sale. As a result of this fear, I never took the actions I needed to take in the first place.

When you don't even do anything, you're left stuck where you've always been.

I had this same problem in my dating life. They called this Approach Anxiety, where I used to see an attractive girl that I wanted to talk to, but I was so scared of rejection, that I never even took a chance.

But what was I really protecting myself from?

If you logically look at things: Even if I had terrible social skills, I was overweight, and I wasn't attractive; perhaps the chances of me getting rejected were 95%. But if I didn't even attempt to go for the sale, there was a 0% chance I would get what I want.

5% is a lot better than zero, and from there, it's just a rule of numbers. Make more sales calls.

Instead, I didn't even try. I would be exactly where I am, in fear, never moving forward with my dating life.

So if we logically know that I have to at least approach the prospect if I stand any chance of dating her...what was it that's really holding me back?

On the surface, it might look like you're wasting her time, or she might get frustrated or annoyed with your attempt. People around you might laugh if you screw it up. While you may feel embarrassed or rejected, its actually not these fears either.

I know many guys who have been rejected and failed; yet they were perfectly OK with it. No big deal. I met others who faced identical rejections, and they felt embarrassed or felt like something is wrong with them.

Two people facing the exact same circumstances, yet one of them keeps on approaching after the first NO.

It's simply that inner critic which is scolding you for missing your "one and only opportunity".

What has helped me through this phase of fearing rejection and ridicule during my "sales attempts" is to first understand that we live in a world of abundance.

Your goal is not to date THIS girl. With this high-ticket item you're selling, your goal is to date A girl.

P.S. - If you're a female reading this, I'm being gender specific because I'm a guy. For the 'fear of rejection' metaphors, replace girl with guy.

P.P.S. - IF you're a female reading this, send me a private message.

Just kidding...

Shifting to a world of abundance.

When you open up your awareness and realize that there are an abundance of customers out there, you'll no longer care if one (or a hundred) say no. Keep pushing forward...because with the one grand-slam that you hit, all these other rejections were just batting practice.

Perhaps that's enough insights so you can at least step up to the plate.

Let's call this big-ticket client my soulmate.

According to the soulmate philosophy, there is one person on this planet that you are destined to be with, and no matter what happens or how bad you screw things up, some higher power will step in and make it so you end up together.

As long as you step up to bat and keep swinging...

All of a sudden, this soulmate philosophy allowed me to simply not care about any of these rejections I have along the way. All of a sudden, my goal is not to close this sale, but to learn from my mistakes, adjust my approach, and go into the next sales call better and more equipped to handle it.

There is an old saying in personal development that "There is no failure, only feedback."

Each and every girl that says no, I always take a step back and see how I could have improved this sales approach. Not in the sense of self-judgement, but to always be improving my sales process so when that soulmate comes along, I'll be more than equipped to close the sale with.

You're not trying to make this sale, you're developing the experience so you can close any sale in this abundant world of 7 Billion people. This one person who said no wasn't your soulmate, so talking to them provided you with the experience and feedback to improve your approach.

When you're just starting out in business, it doesn't matter if 100 prospects say no to you. You're just preparing for that one yes. And when you get good at what you do, that 5% conversion rate on the approach may turn into 10...or 20.

And far along enough down this funnel, that one yes is all that matters.

This outlook helped me get past my fear of rejection and failure, but it left me with one problem.

I never defined my target customer!

And that's what I'm going to do next...

 

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[Jon L]

this is the most awesome thing I've read in a while

 

[AndrewNC]

The Customer Avatar - Who is your ideal customer?

There's an old saying in sales, "If you try to sell to everybody, you'll wind up selling to nobody."

If this person is about to be a long-term customer who's going to experience all the up-sells, down-sells, and cross-sells within this company we call life, we better make sure that this is the type of customer I want to surround myself with.

You want to be very specific with your targeting, and when you create this customer avatar - it'll form a basis for all your sales and marketing materials because business is about people. When you really understand this human being you're communicating with - it'll lead to you making the sale.

Let's start with the demographics.

My ideal customer is between the ages of 28 and 32. She is single with no kids, and she lives in the Boulder-Denver Metro Area. I'll be willing to expand my targeting by 40 miles in each direction, targeting customers in Broomfield, Longmont, and perhaps Fort Collins.



Even though I have an internet business and I can target anywhere in the world, by narrowing down my focus, I can make sure that I am very focused in where I can locate my ideal customer...

A day in the life of your customer.

Demographics is not enough. This is surface-level stuff, and if you really want to form a deeper relationship with your client, you have to really understand what her life is like.

My soulmate enjoys waking up and starting the day with a morning exercise or hike in the mountains to stay active. After that, she eats a healthy breakfast and takes care of herself. From there she either goes to school in a graduate program or is working a career that she is already passionate about. She is on track with her life, and she has purpose and direction.

Outside of her career, she shares a lot of the same hobbies as me.

She enjoys random adventures, weekend trips, cooking, and unique and cool things; living a rewarding and fulfilling life. She is intelligent and can have deep conversations with an open mind.

She's social and is energizing to be around.

I've dealt with customers before who drained my energy, and I don't want to be with them.

She is past the bar scene, and rarely drinks. She is emotionally mature and is already looking for the product I have to offer her (she's looking for a long term relationship).

What next?

So here is this 29 year old attractive (Brunette, tan skinned) sociable, amazingly energetic single female who lives near Boulder, Colorado....

How do I meet her?

 

[AndrewNC]

Traffic Source - Where do you customers hang out?

Quite frankly, there are tons of people all over the place.

There are 18-year-old girls uploading (whatever it is that you upload) to tumbler. Old ladies browsing pinterest. My ex girlfriend spending six hours a night zoned out into Netflix, the partiers in the bars downtown.

Will I find my intellectual, book-reading, caring and loving soulmate dancing on the poles of the Spearmint Rhino Gentlemen's Club in Las Vegas?

Probably not...



But who knows...perhaps you enjoy wasting your money on un-targeted marketing campaigns where you're never going to convert anybody, regardless of how good your sales copy is.

When I'm ready to market my products (or services) to my prospective customer, I have to figure out how the hell I'm going to find her.

When I do this, I really try to think about exactly who I'm looking to attract, and then determine where this type of girl will hang out.

If she's into fitness, hiking, outdoor activities, reading, I have plenty of marketing sources lined up.

I'll spend my mornings on the hiking trails.

I'll go to the gyms in the early evenings. Normally I'd advertise my products there at 10 a.m. because I'm an entrepreneur and I do whatever the hell I want, when I want, but if she's my customer and she's the one who works until 5 or 6 pm, I have to market to her when she's available to see my ad.

Then after that gym at night, I'll creep around the local bookstore to see if I can find her there.

Just as important as knowing where I'm going to meet my future soulmate is to continue to weed out where I won't find her.

I won't find my soulmate at the gentlemans club in las vegas...

Where do your ideal customers hang out?

 

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[Waspy]

Man, sounds like you are looking for a unicorn.

Artificial Intelligence is coming on leaps and bounds.

 

[SteveO]

yea good points but if you are ugly eventually you have to settle for uglies or fats


making money is a good cope


but in the end if you werent lucky in the genetics department all this is just a cope

This is one f*cked up view of life...

 

[snappyhappy]

Is this meant to be satire?

I was half expecting you to suggest running Facebook ads against your ideal demo. I can see the copy now...

"Hey you, 29 year old babe from Boulder, wanna sample this product?"
*Photo of AndrewNC shirtless*

 

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[AlphaWulf]

Is this meant to be satire?

I was half expecting you to suggest running Facebook ads against your ideal demo. I can see the copy now...

"Hey you, 29 year old babe from Boulder, wanna sample this product?"
*Photo of AndrewNC shirtless*

"One item left in stock. Act Now or forever hold your peace."


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[jlwilliams]

Man, I wish you well. Looking at it from a much different perspective (45, married, disillusioned, wondering what might have been) I feel like I should have some gem of good advice, but I don't.

When I was in my early twenties I had a neighbor who told me men should live alone or with other men. Pay hookers, then send them away. His best times in life had been boarding school and the army. Getting married and having kids (his wife and daughter were wonderful people, really) was the beginning of the end in his eyes. A couple years later he killed himself. In retrospect, his advice needs to be taken with a grain of salt.

I've known precious few who married right. Few who lived and loved for a life time, but I've seen it happen. In a world full of unhappy couples, there are a few happy ones. That said, most of us find ourselves compromised. We live a life with someone who is almost right, and we almost right for them. Most of the time it's ok, but the time spent resenting each other is like root canal. A marriage becomes a life spent looking for happy enough, or looking for a lawyer. As much as each person brings to the relationship, it's like....." maybe I brought the wrong stuff. Maybe you did? "

The thing is, as I see it, you are contemplating tying your happiness to another human being. Human beings are notoriously mercurial. Beautiful young and happy may become depressive alcoholic, or may become beautiful source of warmth and light in your life. You pay for your ticket, and you take your chance.

Good luck.

 

[Waspy]

"One item left in stock. Act Now or forever hold my piece."

Fixed.

 

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[MidwestLandlord]

Well...this will be an interesting thread. I'll probably avoid it because it will end up filled with negativity. Good OP though @AndrewNC

I'm 35, married to a beautiful intelligent woman. I certainly did not win the genetic lottery...far from it. Thankfully for me, women don't find ONLY good looks to be attractive in men. Women do not think the same way as men in that regard. So the "ugly" comment up thread? Yeah, way off base.

It's all about managing expectations. Marriage is hard. Relationships are hard. Yet, this society teaches us to find our "soul mate" and our "one true love"

Blah. That's a recipe for failure. You aren't good enough for me unless I feel like you are literally the perfect match for my soul?! What kind of bullshit is that? Love is supposed to be this magical place where we feel loved and accepted at all times? Really??? That's called FANTASY.

Human beings are by definition imperfect. Two imperfect people trying to make a perfect relationship? Name one other aspect of life where we expect that kind of hypocrisy to work out.

People are unhappy in relationships more often than not because they choose to be, not because they picked the wrong partner. (although that happens a lot too)

The internet has only made this worse. Every guy on the internet is either a loser that can't get a girl, or a player that pulls a new girl every weekend. Every girl on the internet is either a bitter fatty, or a big breasted hottie that demands her tall dark and handsome prince. And of course, ALL women are feminist man-haters.

Blah. Blah. Blah.

Manage your expectations and see reality for what it really is. (hint, the internet is full of shit...especially social media)

But yeah, the further society goes down this rabbit hole of unmet unrealistic expectations, the harder relationships will be for everyone. It's sad.

 

[AgainstAllOdds]

The Customer Avatar - Who is your ideal customer?

There's an old saying in sales, "If you try to sell to everybody, you'll wind up selling to nobody."

If this person is about to be a long-term customer who's going to experience all the up-sells, down-sells, and cross-sells within this company we call life, we better make sure that this is the type of customer I want to surround myself with.

You want to be very specific with your targeting, and when you create this customer avatar - it'll form a basis for all your sales and marketing materials because business is about people. When you really understand this human being you're communicating with - it'll lead to you making the sale.

Let's start with the demographics.

My ideal customer is between the ages of 28 and 32. She is single with no kids, and she lives in the Boulder-Denver Metro Area. I'll be willing to expand my targeting by 40 miles in each direction, targeting customers in Broomfield, Longmont, and perhaps Fort Collins.

View attachment 13958

Even though I have an internet business and I can target anywhere in the world, by narrowing down my focus, I can make sure that I am very focused in where I can locate my ideal customer...

A day in the life of your customer.

Demographics is not enough. This is surface-level stuff, and if you really want to form a deeper relationship with your client, you have to really understand what her life is like.

My soulmate enjoys waking up and starting the day with a morning exercise or hike in the mountains to stay active. After that, she eats a healthy breakfast and takes care of herself. From there she either goes to school in a graduate program or is working a career that she is already passionate about. She is on track with her life, and she has purpose and direction.

Outside of her career, she shares a lot of the same hobbies as me.

She enjoys random adventures, weekend trips, cooking, and unique and cool things; living a rewarding and fulfilling life. She is intelligent and can have deep conversations with an open mind.

She's social and is energizing to be around.

I've dealt with customers before who drained my energy, and I don't want to be with them.

She is past the bar scene, and rarely drinks. She is emotionally mature and is already looking for the product I have to offer her (she's looking for a long term relationship).

What next?

So here is this 29 year old attractive (Brunette, tan skinned) sociable, amazingly energetic single female who lives near Boulder, Colorado....

How do I meet her?

Why are you overcomplicating it for yourself?

Honestly, you should narrow it down to:

• A girl you like
• That likes you
• That you can see yourself marrying

That's who you pursue.

Because what if you meet the perfect girl, but she skips breakfast in the morning? Will you have to pass her up? Or a girl that fits all criteria but is 33 years old? Or a girl that meets zero of those criteria but makes you incredibly happy - will you also cross her off?

 

[LightHouse]

This sounds entirely over complicated and disillusioned. Maybe stop thinking about it so hard?

Also, stop throwing in words that people see through. "Get a divorce and take half my fortune"....

 

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[lewj24]

Why are you overcomplicating it for yourself?

Honestly, you should narrow it down to:

• A girl you like
• That likes you
• That you can see yourself marrying

That's who you pursue.

Because what if you meet the perfect girl, but she skips breakfast in the morning? Will you have to pass her up? Or a girl that fits all criteria but is 33 years old? Or a girl that meets zero of those criteria but makes you incredibly happy - will you also cross her off?

This is what I was about to write. I also believe your age range should be 18-infinity.

 

[Scot]

Well...this will be an interesting thread. I'll probably avoid it because it will end up filled with negativity. Good OP though @AndrewNC

I'm 35, married to a beautiful intelligent woman. I certainly did not win the genetic lottery...far from it. Thankfully for me, women don't find ONLY good looks to be attractive in men. Women do not think the same way as men in that regard. So the "ugly" comment up thread? Yeah, way off base.

It's all about managing expectations. Marriage is hard. Relationships are hard. Yet, this society teaches us to find our "soul mate" and our "one true love"

Blah. That's a recipe for failure. You aren't good enough for me unless I feel like you are literally the perfect match for my soul?! What kind of bullshit is that? Love is supposed to be this magical place where we feel loved and accepted at all times? Really??? That's called FANTASY.

Human beings are by definition imperfect. Two imperfect people trying to make a perfect relationship? Name one other aspect of life where we expect that kind of hypocrisy to work out.

People are unhappy in relationships more often than not because they choose to be, not because they picked the wrong partner. (although that happens a lot too)

The internet has only made this worse. Every guy on the internet is either a loser that can't get a girl, or a player that pulls a new girl every weekend. Every girl on the internet is either a bitter fatty, or a big breasted hottie that demands her tall dark and handsome prince. And of course, ALL women are feminist man-haters.

Blah. Blah. Blah.

Manage your expectations and see reality for what it really is. (hint, the internet is full of shit...especially social media)

But yeah, the further society goes down this rabbit hole of unmet unrealistic expectations, the harder relationships will be for everyone. It's sad.

I agree. Looking at this from the perspective of a happily married guy seems just odd.

The worst thing you can do when seeking a relationship is over complicating it.

The best advice I can give for finding a meaningful relationship.. Don't look for one. Seek out people with similar values to your own and things just sort of happen.

I wasn't trying to define my avatar. I just met a friend of a friend off chance and we just kind of ended up dating. It wasn't any romantic love story. But now years later we're very happy.

Don't over complicate things.

 

[Tiger TT]

I was half expecting you to suggest running Facebook ads against your ideal demo. I can see the copy now...

I actually did this. I set up a website, wrote a sales letter for the girl who will read it. Then I tested it with different ads on Facebook.

I had 2 girlfriends using the method. I was receiving messages and calls from girls while sleeping, working, at the gym etc. It was like passive income.

I could target the ads using women's age, location etc. I was like "this is awesomeeee!".

Because I found an easy way of getting girlfriends, I was spoiled. I stopped seeing the 2nd girl. I tried to run an ad on facebook again, but I got rejected. I found out that Facebook had made changes to its ad policy, and now my ads were getting rejected because of that.

I had violated the Commandment of Control But the method worked like a charm for a year.

 

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[MidwestLandlord]

I just met a friend of a friend off chance and we just kind of ended up dating. It wasn't any romantic love story.

I married my boss. Then on the "firing" thread, I wrote "Don't dip your pen in the company ink" haha.

It worked out though.

 

[AndrewNC]

Is this meant to be satire?

I was half expecting you to suggest running Facebook ads against your ideal demo.

Oh trust me, the Facebook ads are on their way

 

[rollerskates]

I know this sounds cliche, but you have to be comfortable by yourself first (I'm not saying you are not, OP!). I am in my 40s, never been married, and have screwed up a few relationships (not horribly, no baby daddies out there or anything). I've always been overly focused on myself (anxious about whether they in fact liked me even as we were dating) and therefore not able to focus on the other person. I was thinking this morning about the entrepreneurial mindset and how it's kind of like relationships where you have to be focused on others to be successful.

 

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[AndrewNC]

Getting Your Product Out to Market

The very worst thing you can do is have your product sit on your computer chair at home and and delay its release because it's not perfect.

It's a sunny late-winter morning on the hiking trails in Boulder, Colorado.



After going through a long winter, spent working and staying in, I finally decide to get myself out there.

Just as I'm about hit the trailhead, I notice someone appears out of the corner of my eye.

Let's call her Elizabeth...

Elizabeth is a 28 year old graduate student from the midwest who is studying in Boulder for a few more years before she gets her degree.

To escape the hustles and bustles of the city, she takes her backpack and heads to the hiking trails to hike to the top and study for her upcoming tests she has to take.

We begin walking the trails together and spend most of the morning sitting on the top of a rock structure high above the city. Not only is she a gradate student, but she also mentions that she's training for running marathons this upcoming year and is interested by the stories of my life.

On the way down, I mention I'd be interested in seeing her again, and she asks for my contact information.

The problem: I just went through a rough winter, slept in late, and neglected a lot of areas of my life. My health and fitness being one of them.

Here I am, face to face with my ideal customer and let's call this a Minimum Viable Product.



All the red arrows and flashing banners in the world won't cover up a product that is less than perfect. The business analogy is that she is interested in all the stories I told through my email newsletter, but wasn't willing to make the purchase.

But why is that?

It wasn't until I drove to downtown Denver the following week where I met a dating consultant named Shawn.

Shawn gave me one vital piece of advice after telling me which is comparable to MJ's advice on creating a product-centered business.

Attract, don't chase.

If I was a product or service, and she was a client, would she be attracted to the product that I'm selling?

Or would I be one of those marketers out there who hypes things up with flashy sales pages and nice sales copy, only do deliver a sub-par product.

Product Improvements

Over the course of the next two months, I committed 100% to making product improvements.

I began going out more to improve my social skills. I took on some new hobbies, and I literally climbed a mountain every single morning for two months straight.

While many entrepreneurs want to make sales, it's the ones who attract the customers who are the ones who are actually making them.

Beta Testers & Focus Groups.

I also began to message girls I dated in the past, whom I am still friends with.

I told them I was improving my dating life and if they could give me any honest feedback on what I can improve.

"Well Andrew, it's good that you started going to the gym, but when we went snowboarding that one time, you drove way too slow! You're going to have to drive faster! Keep up the healthy lifestyle and you'll be in the right direction."

Some advice we get is good....While others is one-off advice.

The girl I asked is an adrenaline junkie, so I'm not going to start driving 100 mph through the snow all of a sudden.
Version 2.0



A few months later, we continued to hike through the trails, and although I was blind to it at the time, there were signs she was a little bit interested...

While parts of my product have been improved, it still wasn't perfect.

I began attracting a higher quality demographic of customer than I was accustomed to in the past.

How can you make your product or service attractive enough where your ideal customer will come to you? All the sales copy in the world can't save you..

It's about time to start running remarketing campaigns, and that is exactly what I did next... (metaphorically speaking at least...)

 

[G-Man]

So look: I'm a guy that's not good looking, not charming, and not rich. I happen to be married to a woman that's beautiful, kind, and intelligent. I have independent verification of all these things in the form of being told by friends that I'm punching above my weight, and having total strangers do double takes (you can see their wheels turning trying to figure out if we're together). How did this happen?

I liked her and I asked.

If you really believe in the product, you don't have to come up with an elaborate sales process.

I've also never come back from a date to find all my shit on the back porch. I know what I'm talking about.

 

[A-Mat-Zing]

Here's my 2 cents on the topic of love and relationship.

First some background to give you an idea where I am coming from: I am married to my dream woman and have two kids with her. People, even most of my close friends, think I got very lucky. But I tell you that I created this luck myself.

Most of my youth and early adulthood I was very bad with women, lacking a father figure in my upbringing and listening to too much BS advise from my mother, my sister and from TV and magazines. Though I got lucky from time to time, dating seemed always completely out of my control. Especially when I liked a girl, I got easily obsessed with her and then too paralysed to make a step or hold a conversation that did not directly turn awkward.

Anyways, long story short: At one moment during University, just after having screwed up another promising situation with a girl I really fancied, I reached a point in my life where I had enough of not being in charge of my love life. So I started questioning my long-held beliefs about women, dating and love and opened my mind to learning this stuff from scratch. The first book I read was "The Game" by Neill Strauss, which was a real game changer for me (somehow the TMF equivalent for Dating). But I didn't stop there and dug through forums, read many ebooks and - most importantly - I tried the stuff that resonated with me or made me curious. And to my amazement it worked!

My whole transformation took about 2 years until I reached a point where I was done with dating, as I was completely demystified and convinced that I would never be able to fall in love anymore. It had gotten too easy. Well that's when I met my now wife...

I was once planning to write a book about my learning from this time and also since then (now my wife and I are together for almost 8 years and still as happy as in the first year, but much more connected). I somehow lost the script but here is the main ideas. I put it in a neat easy-to-remember formula: L-O-V-E

L - Learn: Love and relationship is learnable. Unlearn the BS propagated through advertising and the media, unlearn bad advise from unhappy friends and family. Instead learn about evolutionary psychology, sexual attraction, commitment vs being in love and only listen to advise from people that live in the kind of relationship that you would like to have.

O - Own yourself: Own your time, your body, your values, your opinions etc. Don't think for others or pretend you are someone else than you are. Try to be the best version of yourself, but YOURSELF and not someone you think you should be. I guarantee you the best version of yourself is the most attractive one for the opposite sex. Its basically about authenticity.

V - Visualize: This is powerful, though it may sound a bit esoteric. The idea is to "experience" yourself living in the perfect relationship with your dream girl/boy/woman/man through the means of vivid imagination. Use all your senses - seeing, listening, smelling, tasting and feeling - from 1st person perspective. Imagine one perfect situation in a not too distant future. Repeat this daily several times until it feels like a real memory. This will calibrate your inner compass, increase your confidence and save you a lot of drama with unfitting dates, lovers, partners or even spouses as it would almost feel like cheating.

E - Expand your comfort zone: This is the hardest part. Its like with entrepreneurship: there comes a moment when you need to leave the building and execute on what you have leaned. You need to be ready to fail frequently and learn from it, confront your self-protective behaviours and break through it. In entrepreneurial terms, be a producer of love not (only) a consumer. Add value to the relationship and THEN you will receive it as well..

I hope some of you find these insights useful. Thanks for reading to the end anyways, and sorry for any mistakes as English is not my native language.

 

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[liljmoneyswag]

Getting laid is similar to business. If you have a superior product or a good product, you'll get consumers. If you are a high value male (looks, money, status, game), you will get girls. If you have a shitty product you'll have little to no consumers, and you are going to have to improve your product to get consumers. If you are a under-desirable male, you are going to have to improve yourself in order to get more girls (lifting weights, dressing better, making more money, better haircut, groom your beard, improve your social skill).

Amazon is a great market place to find consumers for your product. Bars, clubs, colleges, and clubs(hobby) is a great place for you to meet women.

Sometimes you have a shitty product, but if you advertise that product in front of thousands of customers some will bite. If you are an average dude and if you meet a bunch of girls, some will eventually bite.

I am an average looking dude nothing special. But i go the mass advertising route and meet tons of women and some girls do end up biting.

If you have a average product but you are a master at sales you will probably get some sales bc of your skill. I live in NYC and i've seen shitty looking dudes end up with good looking girls. There are countries where status and money plays a bigger role than looks.

If you go to happy hour and A)Suit-up suitsupply.com B)Spend a year or two putting on upper body mass C)having a nicer haircut and facial hair D)more energy than everyone else E) introduce yourself as many people as possible. You're going to be ahead of majority of men

 

[AndrewNC]

V - Visualize: This is powerful, though it may sound a bit esoteric. The idea is to "experience" yourself living in the perfect relationship with your dream girl/boy/woman/man through the means of vivid imagination. Use all your senses - seeing, listening, smelling, tasting and feeling - from 1st person perspective. Imagine one perfect situation in a not too distant future. Repeat this daily several times until it feels like a real memory. This will calibrate your inner compass, increase your confidence and save you a lot of drama with unfitting dates, lovers, partners or even spouses as it would almost feel like cheating.

Thanks all for the replies.

So I also view this from an esoteric perspective.

I believe that when we do this, the world lines up in our favor and gets us what we want. I know others probably view it in a more practical sense.

I did this the other night, and paid attention to the feelings I would want to have....Long term stable relationship.

• That same night, a girl I dated 4 years ago in Arizona messaged me saying she is buying a house and she started flirting with me indirectly, hinting that I should go back and date her again.
• The same night, a girl I met, from Madrid, who I stayed with for a few days while backpacking through Europe messaged me saying I should stay with her when I go back to Europe.
• The next day, a 20 year old girl from Tinder and I started talking. She's very attractive and would showed interest in spending the summer road tripping together going to music festivals...

In the first two instances, the feelings I got were there - but the attraction wasn't. I'd view it as settling for less... In the third, it'd be a great experience, but not what I'm looking for either.

Do you have any insights on this? How specific do you get, was it trial and error? Thanks again for the reply.

 

[lewj24]

"The Game" by Neill Strauss

Bought it.

 

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[Longinus]

Bought it.

Mark Manson's Models would be a better choice.

 

[lewj24]

Mark Manson's Models would be a better choice.

Ganna buy it

 

[dave773]

let's assume I'm selling a high-ticket-item that is one of a kind. A 30-year vintage product, which has a zero-return policy.

LOL. Interesting thread @AndrewNC .

biophases advice comes to mind for this. You want to improve the product as much as you can.. do all the hard work first.. so that there is no competition and selling is easy peasy.

 

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[KeepGoin]

It's surreal for me seeing a post like this on the fastlane tonight. It's about 2 am here in Phoenix and all I feel is pain. I met one of the types of girls you're looking for by making eye contact with her, I was completely compelled that it was getting her number or regret.

Anyways, I did get her number. Then we talked and got along great. Enough for me to get attached which I can honestly say has now happened to me two times in my life at 27. It just doesn't really happen to me to feel that way about a girl. Usually it's that they're attractive, or that they're smart, but so rarely there's been a feeling like I had. I really thought I was over that. I want to be, it just leads me to places that cause hurt eventually.


But long story short, about two months of talking and many dates and she cut ties with me today. I found out at my slow lane job in the morning. The pain in my chest hasn't gone away. I could overanalyze (I have been) and now it's on to an attempt at acceptance or forgetting it.


Onwards, I'd been working on building a process like MJ mentioned and I did nothing positive today. Came home and ate two cups of ramen despite having a salad made in the fridge. Perhaps it was the reality that I have no family that scared her, or that I liked her too much, the slowlane job, or a multitude of things. But none of it matters. Trying to surpass my old trains of thought to feel sorry for myself is brutal right now though. Attempts to meditate today have just been a sea of emotional pain.

I almost forgot how that felt. Anyways, good luck on your search. When I've found a girl like that it was always in a situation that I was just having fun with my pals.

-Conor.

 

[Lucious]

Didn't read everything,

But from experience, looks like you are over complicating everything.

First things first can you pick up girls whenever and wherever you want?

Once you can pickup and get women into your bed "at will" its time to move on and look for the women of your dreams.

At least you will have the experience to pick her up and not F*ck it up or even pussy out.

But it doesn't end there if you are looking for a serious thing with passion and love you have to be able to seduce her physically and mentally this is another thing that takes time to master "yes you can make women fall in love with you."

For myself it was like I had to be a playa for a bit and then I was able to eventually meet women I really desired. At the moment I am dating someone straight from my fantasies no joke I cant believe it, and it feels if i wasn't good at picking up women I would of never be with this lady right now.

I don't totally agree with what most people are saying here but we all have different experiences i guess.

But what I really need to say is don't compare relationships and emotions to business.

Life and a women's mind is to complex.

And sometimes the polarity connection between two people can be so powerful all the rules get thrown at the window and nothing makes sense.

Meeting the right women can change anyone's life for the better and we all deserve to share life with someone.

All the best brother