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BOOK Personality Isn't Permament, Bejamanin Hardy (Transcend yourself...)

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monfii

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I watched an interesting video and it somewhat relates to this topic.


I've always thought of Woody Allen as a creepy, evil guy who made great movies. Turns out, the child molester thing was a lie perpetuated by the media.

Two courts, doctors, and police officers found him not guilty. There was no physical trauma on the child, the child's first report was not consistent with the claim, and Mia Farrow has a history of crazy antics.

But the reason I thought of this thread is because of Dylan Farrow. IF there is no proof that she is molested, which this video seems to prove, then her memory of the trauma was fabricated and believed as real.

Because of her mother's suggestions and the world telling her that she was hurt, she believed it as truth. If so, then she IS a victim but of a different crime.

It's a bit off-topic to this thread but it makes me think of how unreliable our memories can be.

As mentioned by @mon_fi , psychologists believe the past is the bedrock, the foundation of who we are. But what if the past is not as concrete as we thought it was?
I won't comment on this specific case, but the principle you outline is correct. We are constantly changing and reinventing our past. Every time we remember something, we change it. Every time we visit our memories, they evolve. We make them stronger than they are, or not. That is what enables us to change our past and free ourselves from trauma through emotional catharsis.
 

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monfii

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Personality isn't permanent: a summary


DAY 12

Becoming an Empathetic Witness to Those Around You

You can help others by being an empathetic witness to them. When you listen to people in a loving and non-judgmental way, you enable your interlocutor to lift a burden, find clarity, process emotions and deal with their repressed feelings.

Being an empathetic witness is about listening and encouraging. Not about talking. It can’t be done “quickly”. You need to be there to listen, not to solve the problem. The problem needs to be processed first, the emotion released, before any type of solution can be discussed.

To make sure the event is processed entirely, the listener asks more questions.

“Can you explain more for me?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Why was that part so important?”

“Have you given up on the idea of a better future?”

“What positives have come from this?”

“How will your future be different because of this?”

“What can you do now to move forward?” “How can I help?”

Questions:

Are any of your relationships stuck in the past?

Have former experiences created a fixed mindset in any of your relationships?

Who are three people you could be an empathetic witness to, right now?

Conclusion of chapter 3:

Trauma is at the core of who we are as people. If we transform it, we remove the barriers it creates and can become unstoppable. If we don’t transform our trauma, we organize our lives around them, which decreases our capacity to get out of our comfort zone and achieve difficult purposes. A cornerstone of trauma is that it is isolated, internalized, and then avoided.

The initial emotional reaction—which is negative, painful, and likely paralyzing—becomes the filter through which the memory is stored, hence the need to release it.

Healthy memories change over time. A growing person continually has a changing past, expanding in meaning and usefulness. If you wish to move on from painful experiences, you can’t avoid them, but have to face them, feel them, and release them.

Writing down and organizing your thoughts and emotions in your journal is an excellent way to do that.

It helps you get your feelings out of your mind and process them, so that the memory can become lighter…or even completely forgotten.

Tomorrow, we'll start chapter 4 which will be about changing your past so that you can change your future.

See you tomorrow!
 

James007Hill

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I loved this book too, it was my book of 2020. As I was reading it and about half way through I was even putting it "up there" in quality and how much I was enjoying it with the likes of Unscripted etc., though in the end, for me at least, it tailed off a little over the last third in terms of the value I got out of it, but that was just in terms of how much it resonated with me rather than an actual decrease in quality or anything.

I loved the idea that our goals (as long as they based on what we truly want) should dictate our personality rather than our personality dictating what our goals are. Obviously there is some overlap here with simply having a "growth mindset", but I still liked the way it was put across.

The 4-levers of personality and how to utilise them also hit home and have been put into practice with great effect.

Overall, a fantastic book and thanks for taking the time to share in such depth.
 

monfii

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Personality isn't permanent: a summary


Day 13

Chapter 4: Shift Your Story

The author tells the story of Buzz Aldrin, the second man to step foot on the moon. His whole life, Buzz was driven to achieve the extraordinary. When he finally did it, his life suddenly became meaningless. What could be better than going to the moon? What could be more extraordinary than that?

When he was on the moon, Buzz actually thought "ok, it doesn't get any better than that...my life will go downhill after this".

And so...when he came back, Buzz went depressed. He started drinking. He had no longer any goal. Nothing would ever top going to the moon. “My life is over”, he thought.

Aldrin’s problem was that he did not seek a goal, but a status.

He wanted to be the guy that walked on the moon. When he succeeded, he didn’t see what other status he could ever get. I mean, try to ever beat that....

As a result, he lost his purpose. His purpose was driven by status, instead of the opposite (status being driven by purpose).

Once you obtain a status—such as a particular job title, income level, or relationship—your motivation shifts from approach-oriented to avoid-oriented.

Rather than keep on evolving further, your new goal in life becomes to protect that status. You do so by avoiding failure, you stop being courageous and plateau.

Without a future self that has outgrown and outdone your current self, life starts to lose its meaning.

Creating “Meaning” Through Stories


If you have read Joseph Campbell, Jonathan Haidt, the Bible, if you have watched the Sam Harris VS Jordan Peterson debate, if you have studied a tiny bit of copywriting, or if you are simply a smart person, you know that human beings create meaning through storytelling.

Stories are the filter, the structure, the roadmap that enables us to make sense of the life around us and pursue meaningful goals.

Dr. Crystal Park explains that human beings create meaning from their experiences by connecting three things:
  • First, we define the cause of the event or experience. (“What just happened?”)
  • Second, we link that cause with our own identity. (“What does this experience say about me?”)
  • Finally, we link that cause and our identity with the bigger picture of how the world and universe work. (“What does this experience and who I am say about the world?”)
Creating meaning is something we do automatically. But it has a dark side. If we are not proactive in the meanings we create for ourselves, we can generate a premature, limiting and false cognitive commitment about ourselves.

“Because x happened, this means that I’m a bad person”.

“Because x happened, this means that I’m an introvert.”

“Because x happened, this means that I’m never going to live my dreams.”

Trauma is meaning-making which creates a fixed mindset. Indeed, the problem of trauma is not about the event itself, but the meaning we create out of it. Something terrible happened, but what made it traumatic was in your interpretation.

Trauma is the meaning you give to an event or experience, and how that meaning shapes your view of yourself, your future, and the world at large.

The meaning you formed during former “traumas” is now driving your personality, your choices, and your goals. Until you change that meaning.

Think about it for a second: Why do you define yourself the way you do? Why are you the way you are? Why do you like or dislike certain things? Why are you pursuing what you’re pursuing? It all comes down to the meaning you’ve shaped of your former experiences, as well as the identity you’ve formed as a result.

As Dr. Stephen Covey said, “We see the world, not as it is, but as we are.” If you have a negative view of yourself, then you probably have a negative view of the world. If you have a positive view of yourself, then you probably have a positive view of the world. The world is viewed through the lens of your identity.

You only see, or selectively attend to, what is meaningful and relevant to you.

Your view of the world says more about you than it does about the world. Your view of the past says more about you than it does about the past. Consequently, you should formulate meaning based on your desired future self. This requires being intentional about your interpretation of your experiences, even your hard ones. It requires you to decide for yourself the meaning of your traumatic experience, instead of letting your “brain” be in charge of them.

This requires you to be conscious and self-aware of how you have created meaning out of difficult experiences, and what the substance of the meaning is.

Questions:

How would my future self respond to this experience?

What would they think about it?

What would they do about it?

How could they turn this to their benefit?

This is happening for me, not to me.


As human beings, we spend our lives creating meaning out of our experiences to better understand our lives and make better decisions. When you understand this fact, you start to see it everywhere. Any type of experience or event is a chance to create a rule, a principle, an impression which impacts our identity and worldview. Every small experiences count.

When going through challenging experiences, you can actually define their meaning intentionally instead of having it assigned to you. You can choose the mark traumatic events will leave on your subconscious.

Most people don’t do that. Their thoughts are governed by emotions, particularly in emotionally heated situations. Those thoughts are reactive and unintentional, but go on to create long-term meaning and narrative held by the person, which then becomes limited in some ways.

Instead of having emotions controlling you, it should be your thoughts, or, more specifically, your goals, that should direct your emotions, even when the initial emotion triggered by the experience is difficult.

The better you get at emotional regulation in both small and big experiences, the more psychologically flexible you become. As you become more psychologically flexible, your emotions and experiences stop defining you in a reactive way.

As such, the first step is to become aware of what you are feeling. You can’t manage something you’re not aware of.

The second step of emotional regulation is understanding the difference between primary emotions and secondary emotions.

Primary emotions are your initial reactions to external events. You shouldn’t judge them. They are natural reactions to things around us. For example, being sad when a loved one dies, or being frustrated in traffic, are natural initial responses.

A secondary emotion is what you feel about the feeling itself.

For example, you may feel shame about being sad that a loved-one dies. Or you may feel stressed about having anxiety, which will then increase the primary anxiety.

Secondary emotions increase the intensity of your initial emotion, creating some sort of vicious circle that can push you into destructive behaviors.

Hence, part of becoming psychologically flexible is holding your initial reaction loosely—not taking it too seriously or overly identifying with it, but acknowledging it, labeling it, and then deciding how you want to interpret and feel about the experience.

The third step of emotional regulation is letting go. Accept and acknowledge whatever you are feeling instead of pushing it down, pretending you are not feeling anything.

You then want to step back from the emotion and consider the consequences of acting on it. Usually, the consequences aren’t in line with the values and goals of your future self.

Fundamental to the meaning-making process is developing stories. We understand the meaning of our experiences through stories. The more intentional you get about your life, the more you become the author of the story. You shape the meaning of your past. You also shape the meaning of current and future experiences in order to have the story you want for your past.

Questions:

How much of your current narrative is based on primary emotions, your initial reaction to various events or experiences?

What is the meaning you continue to give to previous events that no longer serve the story you wish to tell about yourself?

What is the story of “you”?

Who are you? Why are you the person you are?

Tomorrow, we will further dive into how you can rewire your past and rewrite your story so that you can decrease trauma consequences.

See you tomorrow!
 

monfii

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Personality Isn't Permanent: a summary

DAY 14

Your Past Is Fiction: It’s Your Story—Get Creative!

The author tells the story of a smoker who attempted to stop smoking several times and always failed.

One day he moved to a new town for his new job and when he was offered a cigarette, he refused. “I don’t smoke”, he said. He reframed himself as a non-smoker, and he has never smoked ever since.

Side note: this story outlines how powerful labels are. They really imprison you into action. While they can be useful to stop smoking, they can also be destructive, like labeling yourself as an introvert, and hence, acting it out, just how it was explained above.

The Gap and the Gain: Reframing Your Narrative

According to the theory of “narrative identity” developed by scholar and researcher Dr. Dan McAdams, we build our identity by integrating our life experiences into an internalized evolving story – a narrative.

The story gives a sense of unity and purpose to our lives.

(if you’re interested in how stories can shape your identity, watch the movie “Mr. Nobody”).

That narrative is composed of the past, present, and future. This means that the three parts composing your story as it is are not fixed, but are happening simultaneously as you’re living your present. They are interconnected.

Your narrative evolves as your experience evolves. A fact happening in the past doesn’t change...but the way you interpret it does.

Most people trap themselves into a negative narrative and never come out. A fundamental aspect of “reframing” your narrative is shifting what was formerly defined as a negative experience into a positive one. Instead of having something happening to you, you need to have it happen for you.

You may be wondering “Why would I want to do this? If the experience was negative, why would I pretend that it was positive?”

“Positive” and “negative” aren’t facts, but meanings. The meaning you place on past events determines who you are and what your future is.

Changing how you view your past is essential to upgrade your identity and future. If you want to change your future, you need to upgrade your past since the past may prevent your ideal future from happening. You do this by changing your story, your narrative.

One way to do so is by applying the gain and the gap theory. That theory states that some people only see gaps in what happens to them, while others only see gains (it’s merely about being positive or negative).

You can live in your dream house and only see the one painting which is missing because it was destroyed in a fire. You see the gap. Or you can see everything else that you gained – the gains.

When you’re in the gap, you can’t enjoy or comprehend the benefits in your life. All you’re focused on is why something wasn’t how you thought it should have been.

This gap gain theory also applies to how you see yourself.

Instead of comparing your present and future version of yourself and see what you don’t have, look at what your past version of yourself had and was so that you can measure what you have gained since.

It is important, especially for short-term goals. Of course, you shouldn’t abandon your vision, your vision gives you a point of focus to focus on. But you shouldn’t compare yourself to your vision as it will most likely be depressing – you should look at everything you have accomplished instead.

Seeing progress motivates you, it boosts your confidence, enthusiasm, and excitement.

So, it’s important to focus on the gain, to shift the view of your own narrative and reframe the stories onto which you focused on the gaps, and focus on the gains instead.

Practically, it means looking at it asking the question “how much did I learn” instead of asking “how much have I suffered?”

When you begin proactively framing your narrative, it is incredibly powerful to shift what once was a “gap” narrative to a “gain” one.

For example, you may harbor negative emotions about something that happened to you in the past. You may view the experience for all that it cost or has done to you. You may be blaming your current circumstances on those former experiences.

But what would happen if you flipped the script on those experiences? What would happen if you proactively shifted your attention and began looking for the “gains” of such experiences? What would happen if you chose to reframe and retell those stories from an alternative perspective?

Re-remembering the past is about filtering your past through the lens of your chosen identity—your future self. How would a more evolved version of you view these events? How have these events enabled you to become who you are today? Everything in your past has happened—or more accurately, is happening—for you, not to you.

How you tell the story is the story!

Let’s take an example.





SPOILER ALERT.




I WILL NOW TALK ABOUT THE MOVIE “The 6th Sense” TO ILLUSTRATE THE CLAIM. IF YOU DON’T WANT TO HAVE IT SPOILED, SKIP THIS PART TO THE END. IT HAS BEEN SIGNALED WITH “END OF THE SPOILERS”.



If you have seen the 6th sense, you realize the force of the movie does not lie as much in the interpretation of the actors, the cinematography, the special effects, or the story than it lies in the way the story is told.

Imagine a minute that we had known that Bruce Willis’ character was dead at the beginning of the movie? What would have happened then? Would you have watched the movie with the same interest? Would you have been as shocked about the end? Would you have enjoyed the movie as much?

Hell. Freaking. No.

The movie had power because of the way it was told.

Your story has power because of the way it is told. Change how you tell your story, and change its power.







END OF THE SPOILER

What you choose to emphasize or ignore in a story determines the focus and impact of the story.

Part of shifting from the gap to the gain is getting more information.

If you have trouble with the way people have treated you in the past, or the way you have treated others, you may want to go talk to these people and ask them questions, see their point of view. This will help you see whatever happened in a different way. Eventually, you may understand why people hurt you, and be a bit more sympathetic of their situation.

You may forgive them.

Tomorrow, we will look at the 5 steps you can take to reshape your narrative.

See you tomorrow!
 

monfii

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Personality Isn't Permanent: a summary

DAY 15

Let’s reshape your narrative together

STEP ONE: SHIFT PAST MEANINGS FROM “GAP” TO “GAIN”

Let’s practice training your mindset to shift from the gaps to the gains.

In order to do so, pull out your journal and answer the following questions:

  • Over the past ten years, what significant “wins” or “growth” have you experienced?
  • How have you, as a person, changed?
  • What negative things have you let go of?
  • How have your views of yourself and life changed over the past few years?
  • What are one to three accomplishments or signs of progress you’ve had in the past ninety days?
STEP TWO: THINK ABOUT ONE TO THREE NEGATIVE EXPERIENCES FROM YOUR PAST

Now that you’ve thought about your past in terms of the gain, think about one to three key experiences you feel have negatively impacted your life. Write those experiences down in your journal.

STEP THREE: LIST ALL OF THE BENEFITS OR “GAINS” FROM THOSE ONE TO THREE EXPERIENCES

Now spend some time thinking about and then listing all of the benefits, opportunities, or lessons that have come from those one to three experiences. How have those experiences happened for you, instead of to you?

STEP FOUR: HAVE A CONVERSATION BETWEEN YOUR FUTURE SELF AND YOUR FORMER SELF

Your former self is not gone. You carry him everywhere you go. However, it is probably a bit bruised, which is therefore limiting your present and future self. It’s time to make your former self healthy again.

You’re going to change the meaning of the past. You’re going to let go of the pain you’ve been carrying. You’re going to be left with a different identity of your former self. Your former self will now be totally healed.

Measuring the gains of your experiences to see how far you’ve come is one powerful way of seeing the strengths, rather than the weaknesses, of your former self.

Another powerful technique is having a conversation between your future and former selves. You can do this in your journal, in your imagination, in a therapy session, however you want.

First, imagine your ideal future self. They are incredibly compassionate, wise, and understanding. They’ve been through a lot and have created the freedom and capacity you want in your life. To get you started, here are a few questions you could pose in your journal:
  • How does your future self see your former self?
  • What would your future self say to your former self?
  • What experiences would they have, if they were to spend an afternoon together?
  • What would your former self think of your future self?
  • How would your former self feel when they heard the loving counsel of your future self?
  • Who would your former self be after that conversation, once compassionately given permission to let go and move on?
STEP FIVE: CHANGE THE IDENTITY NARRATIVE OF YOUR FORMER SELF

When you shift your story, you see new possibilities for yourself. You’re no longer the victim of what happened. Instead, you’re the one pro-actively creating meaning of your own experience. Your past is a story, which you reconstruct and design here and now.

Every time you go back to your past, you influence it. When healed and healthy, the past is simply a source of information that you can use (not emotion, except for positive and chosen emotions). The past is just raw material to work with. It’s a database which is entirely malleable and flexible.

Following the conversation between your future and former selves, who is your former self now?
  • Who is the past version of you that you’re now carrying with you?
  • What is different about your former self now that they’ve been healed and transformed?
  • How do you feel about your former self?
  • When asked about the past, what is the new story you will tell?
As you move forward and change your memories, do so intentionally. Avoid recalling difficult memories when depressed or feeling unsafe. Rather, intentionally visit your memories when you’re safe, happy, and lighthearted.

The way you choose to remember your past, how you tell your story determines your past far more than what actually happened.
  • What is your story?
  • What are the pivotal experiences from your past?
  • What are the gains you’ve had from those experiences?
  • Who was your former self? How do you feel about your former self?
  • Who are you now? Who is your future self?

Now that we have reframed your past self, we will talk about your future self tomorrow.

See you tomorrow!
 

monfii

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Personality isn't permanent: a summary

DAY 16

Your Future Is Fiction: What’s It Gonna Be?!

The remarkable power to committing to your future self is the lack of decision fatigue.

In psychology, “decision fatigue” is one way in which our willpower gets exhausted, using up our mental resources to weigh the pros and cons of every decision as we encounter them.

When I was eating a keto diet, I was struggling to decide the amount of dark chocolate I would eat, because while I was craving it, I knew I should be careful not to go over the 30 grams of carbs threshold that I had imposed on myself. Deciding what I was going to eat every day was painful and exhausting, and resisting eating too much yogurt was torture.

To simplify my life, I got into a carnivore diet. No need to make decisions about what to eat or how much to eat anymore, I knew I would just eat meat, and I could eat as much meat as I wanted since there is no sugar in meat.

Easy.

Decision fatigue can be avoided by making a committed choice.

By not making a clear decision for yourself beforehand, you’ve deferred the decision-making process to some future moment when you’re forced to decide.

That's exhausting.

Let's take another example discussed on the forum: "the battle against the fridge is won at the supermarket”. The idea is that if you don’t buy ice-cream in the first place, you won’t have to hesitate to eat it or not.

Simple. And yet, at I disagree.

The battle is not won at the supermarket. The battle is won when you are writing down the list of food you are going to buy. If you make a committed choice not to eat ice-cream, you shouldn’t even hesitate to buy it at the supermarket. It should be loud and clear from the beginning that ice-cream has no place on your grocery list. If you don’t write it and stick to your list, you won.

That’s what commitment looks like.

As such, if you’re wondering whether you should play video games tonight, you have already lost because it means that:

1. You haven't sold/destroyed your game console
2. You haven't uninstalled all games + your Steam account

When you are committed to your future self, questions regarding the possibilities to do something you shouldn't, shouldn't even arise in your brain.

“It’s easier to hold to your principles 100 percent of the time than it is to hold to them 98 percent of the time.- Clayton Christensen

One of the first blog articles I wrote was called “moderation is the genesis of decadence”, where I explain the only difference that exists in the world is the difference between zero and one. Not between one and two, one and a hundred, or one and a million. That difference is minimal.

When you have “one” of anything, you can usually get a second one of it. Then repeat, and get a third one. Then a thousand.

However, when you have “zero” of anything, the incremental effort to go from zero to one is enormous. It is bigger than infinity, because you can’t multiplied zero by anything to get one.

The train spends most of its energy going from immobile, to mobile. Once the train is running, it doesn't have to spend much energy.

All of this to say that you whether do something, or you don't. You're not gonna eat just one cookie. You'll eat the entire box. So you whether eat cookies.

Or you don't.

This is supposed to outline how you stick to your principle, or you don’t. There is no difference between eating one spoon of ice-cream, and a hundred.

The difference is in eating it, or not eating it at all.

What people call moderation is the excuse not to respect their own principle ("oNe WoN'T kIlLeD mE), which leads to decadence. As such, moderation is the genesis of decadence.

Becoming 100 percent committed to what you want is how you succeed. Making serious and sometimes hard decisions, rather than deferring them for bad situations, leads to enhanced confidence and progress.

Now, let’s create your future self.

STEP ONE: HONESTLY EXAMINE THE FUTURE YOU’VE CONSIGNED YOURSELF TO

Before imagining your desired future self, take some time to honestly think about the future you’ve currently consigned yourself to have.

Questions:
  • What is the current future you’ve consigned yourself to?
  • How do you feel about that future?
  • Is it what you actually want?
  • Do you see yourself achieving the goals you have always dreamt of achieving?
If you are not completely excited about the future you honestly see unfolding before you, then there’s a problem. That limited future self is also limiting who you are now.

In order to upgrade your identity, you need something extremely purposeful that you can shape your current identity around.

Choose a big goal, something that matters to you.

STEP TWO: WRITE YOUR OWN BIOGRAPHY

You need to aim beyond what you are capable of. You need to develop a complete disregard for where your abilities end. If you think you’re unable to work for the best company in its sphere, make that your aim. If you think you’re unable to be on the cover of Time magazine, make it your business to be there. Make your vision of where you want to be a reality. Nothing is impossible. —Paul Arden

Now, write your future story as if it already happened. Write it as if you were at the end of your life. Write it as if you were someone 300 years in the future writing about you.

  • What was your story?
  • What were the significant events that happened?
  • How will you be remembered?
  • How did you live your life?
  • What did you accomplish?
Write about your life from the moment you were born until the present. Then take a break. And now write from the present to the future.


STEP THREE: IMAGINE YOUR FUTURE SELF THREE YEARS OUT

  • Who do you want to be three years from now? Get specific.
  • How much money are you making?
  • Who are your friends?
  • What does your typical day look like?
  • What types of clothes do you wear?
  • What does your hair look like?
  • What type of work are you doing?
  • What does your environment look like?
  • If you haven’t done a lot of future-casting, then you might just start with ninety days from now.
  • Who do you want to be in ninety days?
  • What do you want to have accomplished by then?
  • How do you want to be different?
  • What changes do you want to make in your environment?
STEP FOUR: TELL EVERYONE YOUR NEW STORY . . . YOUR FUTURE SELF

Never mind searching for who you are. Search for the person you aspire to be. —Robert Brault

Most people’s identity narrative is rooted in their past. From now on, your identity narrative—your “story”—is based on your future self. That’s the story you tell people from now on when they ask who you are.

As it relates to yourself, having a three- to five-page printed document of your future self will help you more fully see and believe it. Moreover, you want to share your Vivid Vision document with everyone you know (the author's advice, not mine, since I know you shouldn't talk about your goals too much). As you share your vision and goals with those in your life, they will start to hold you more accountable. Your won’t have a choice in not fulfilling it.

Furthermore, it is important to highlight that your vision should include realizations that are way above your current reality. It needs to inspire and excite you. It needs to give you motivation and hope. It needs to be something that will stretch and change you. It needs to be big enough that when you look back, you’ll be shocked by where and who you currently are.

Also, your vision shouldn’t be fixed, but constantly adapted and worked on. Whatever document you craft your vision on should be a working document, so that you can make sure you can keep on growing.

In order for it to be strategic and useful, it’s helpful to narrow your vision to three or less years out into the future. The vision should focus on your one major goal, which if you achieve will make your future self and everything else you want in your life possible.

Conclusion

Now that you’ve reframed your past and imagined your ideal future, it’s time to get busy.

Tomorrow, we will talk about how to take action.

See you tomorrow!
 

monfii

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DAY 17

IT’S TIME TO TAKE SOME F*CKING ACTION!

In order to solidify your new identity, you need to begin acting in alignment with that new identity so that your present self can transcend himself and become your desired future self.

It also means it is time to leave your former self in the past.

Psychologists have a term for this—self-signaling, which means that our actions signal back to us who we are. We judge and measure ourselves by our actions.

If you change your behavior, your identity will begin to follow suit. You will act yourself into becoming.

Your future self is your new standard. If your current payout for speaking gigs is 5 000 and your future self is earning 30 000, raise your fee to 10 000 first, and refuse any less than that.

Prefer being rejected at your new standard to being accepted at your old one. That’s how you force change to happen.

Make your future self the new standard for your current mindset and behavior. Act out your future self now.

Let’s see how it gets done.

CHAPTER 5 Enhance Your Subconscious

The unconscious is the repository of all of our feelings, regardless of their social or personal acceptability. To know about the unconscious is extremely important, for what goes on down there may be responsible for those personality characteristics that drive us to behave as we do. —Dr. John E. Sarno

The author tells the story of a healthy and fit 36-year old woman called Jane. One day, Jane got a water-skiing accident and her leg was screwed. The doctor told her she would never be able to run again. Jane accepted it as her reality. She stopped running.

Some years later, her husband suddenly retired and started doing nothing with his life. That angered Jane which was working like crazy, but she didn’t say anything.

As time passed, Jane got angrier. Suddenly, the pain in her leg came back.

One day, Jane met Steven Ozanich, the author of The Great Pain Deception. Steven asked Jane about her pain, and when he found out about the water-skiing accident some 15 years earlier, he asked Jane how things were with her husband.

Jane admitted things weren’t great.

Steven understood that Jane’s pain had nothing to do with the accident, but that it was an emotional problem. He also told her that she would be able to run again very soon.

Jane followed Steven’s advice. She expressed her feelings to her husband, got a rage journal inside which she writes her feelings to process them, stopped therapies for her legs to abandon the idea that the problem was physical, and started living as if the pain did not exist.

Now, Jane is fine and is running again.

Your Memories Are Physical, and Your Body Is Emotional

Like memory, we tend to think of emotions as abstract, residing only in our minds. They are not. Emotions are physical.

If you speak with a physiotherapist, they will tell you about times when by massaging one specific part of their client’s body, they released an emotion that had been stored there for a long time and the client began to cry. This is called emotional release.

Emotions and memories have physical markers in your body.

The information relayed throughout the brain and body is emotional in nature. That information—the emotional content—then becomes the body. The experiences we have transform not only our perspectives and identity but become our very biology. This phenomenon is talked about by Amy Cuddy in her Ted Talk: “your body language shape who you are”. The emotions you live (“who you are”) also shape your body language.

People with low confidence, low mood, or low self-esteem seldom walk with their shoulders pulled behind and their head straight, the regard fixed on the horizon.

Why does this matter?

Because we need to reframe how we see our body, and look at it as an emotional system. Emotions are chemical, and our body becomes accustomed or habituated to these chemicals. It can also become completely addicted (think dopamine, and think heroine).

This is why overcoming an addiction is so difficult. Addiction isn’t merely a mental disorder. It is physical. In order to change your addiction, you literally need to change your biology. You need a future self with a new identity, a new story, new environment, and a new body.

In his book The Big Leap, Dr. Hendricks explains that when people begin a journey of personal transformation, they will subconsciously sabotage themselves in order to get back to their former self: “Each of us has an inner thermostat setting that determines how much love, success, and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy. When we exceed our inner thermostat setting, we will often do something to sabotage ourselves, causing us to drop back into the old, familiar zone where we feel secure.”

It’s like when you feel you don’t deserve whatever good things that are headed your way.

I personally struggle with that. I have a hard time accepting compliments or “awards” for work done that I do not estimate valuable because “not difficult enough”. I like it hard. It makes me feel like I deserve more than what I get. If it’s not hard, I am not interested in the result, that I will value by its degree of difficulty.

Anyway.

When you begin making improvements in your life, you’re going to subconsciously try to get back to where you feel comfortable.

This is emotional.

If you’re not used to feeling great most of the time, your subconscious will grow uneasy. It will fight back once you try to allow yourself to feel good because it is addicted to the negative emotions of your former self. Because negative chemicals are what literally make up your body.

If you don’t change your subconscious, then altering your personality will be difficult. If you change your subconscious, then altering your personality happens automatically.

To make powerful change in our lives, we need to change at the subconscious level. Otherwise, the change will not be permanent. You could try to force yourself to be positive, for example, but if your subconscious, or physical body, is habituated to negative emotional states, it will default to behaviors that reproduce those emotions.

Willpower doesn’t work for overcoming addictions, at least not in an effective or predictable way.

You are an emotional being. Your physical body is your “subconscious mind,” and the only way to alter your subconscious is by shifting the emotional framework that makes you who you are.

In many cases, the cause of physical pain is not “physical” at all but emotional. Once a person accepts the fact that they have suppressed emotions, and learns to express and reframe them, they will stop misdiagnosing their pain as a physical condition. Of this, Steven Ozanich wrote in The Great Pain Deception, “Pain and other chronic symptoms are physical manifestations of unresolved internal conflict.”

When you change your subconscious, your personality will change as well. Your personality is merely a by-product or reflection of the place you stand at from an emotional point of view.

The untransformed trauma (and the fixed mindset it creates) stunts your imagination. Your future self and purpose are then either nonexistent or extremely limited.

This isn’t what you want.

Think of these for a moment:
  • Why have you become who you are?
  • Are you the person you’ve become out of choice, or out of reaction to your life’s experiences?
  • What would happen if you became the person you really wanted to be?
  • What would happen if you allowed yourself to feel good more often?
  • What would happen if you stopped avoiding your pain?
The author subsequently goes on a rant to practice fasting and give money to charities – not the amount of money you have, but the amount of money you wish to give when you earn that which you want to earn!

These are supposed to help you change your subconscious because you have a much clearer vision when you fast and are more detached from your emotions, and because by living like the person you want to be, you trump your subconscious into getting it to believe that you already are this person.

This concludes chapter 5. Tomorrow, we will start the last chapter of the book, and talk about the importance of changing the environment.

See you tomorrow!
 

Madame Peccato

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Just finished reading chapter 2 (pardon me for my snail pace).

My takeaways:
- identity is shaped by past actions, but you can decide your present actions (that will become past actions for your future self), shaping up your identity however you want.
- goals will let you establish the actions needed to reach them
- your current actions are determined by your current goals. If you have no goals then your actions will be uninspired and won't change much day by day
- make crazy choices and observe their outcome. Crazy choices let you enjoy peak experiences, which are needed to develop your inner self.
 

monfii

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Personality isn't permanent: a summary

DAY 18

CHAPTER 6 Redesign Your Environment

If I changed the environmental situation, the fate of the cells would be altered. I would start off with my same muscle precursors but in an altered environment they would actually start to form bone cells. If I further altered the conditions, those cells became adipose or fat cells. The results of these experiments were very exciting because while every one of the cells was genetically identical, the fate of the cells was controlled by the environment in which I placed them. —Bruce Lipton, MD

In 1979, psychologists from Harvard designed a house so that it would resemble the 1950’s. They took a bunch of old guys that were young in the 1950’s and told them to just pretend they were in 1950. They couldn’t speak about anything else that happened after 1950 in order to force their brain to be in 1950. The television broadcast games from 1950, and they could read the news from 1950.

Well.

They got younger. Not only mentally, but physically as well.

Those that had come in with canes left without them. Those that couldn’t carry their bags left the experiment being able to carry them.

That is how POWERFUL your mindset is. It can make you younger.

Context Shapes Roles: Roles Shape Identity and Biology

How you treat other people influences how they see themselves. How people see themselves influences their mindset and emotions. And it also impacts their biology.

As we said, human beings are extremely adaptable creatures. As such, we generally default to the roles of our social environment. It takes extreme intentionality and decisiveness not to default to an expected social or cultural role. You become the role you’re given.

Putting yourself in new environments, around new people, and taking on new roles is one of the quickest ways to change your personality, for better or worse. Fully take on the roles you assume, and you’ll change from the outside in.

Now, why do people feel they don’t change? If I take the example of my parents, they will tell you about the same stories at the same time of the year: Christmas, Easter, carnival, summer holidays…each year is an eternal and continual repetition of the year before.

Why?

Because of routine.

The reason why people feel they don’t change is because as they age, they engage less and less into new experiences. Life becomes a routine. You start having less “first time experiences”. You wake up at the same hour to go to the same place to do the same thing every single day. You become emotionally fixed, hence tend to be less open to new experiences, which increases your tendency to be emotionally fixed in a vicious circle.

The situation doesn’t change, people’s social role doesn’t change, and as such, people’s personality remains fixed, because they're not expected to take on new challenges or assume new roles that would change their personalities.

Side note:

This part made me question the idea behind the fact that almost every middle-level managers are assh*les. I don't think, in fact, they are inherently bad people. I think the requirements of the job is making them assh*les.

Question:
  • When was the last time you did something for the first time?
  • When was the last time you did something unpredictable?
  • When was the last time you put yourself in a new situation or a new role?
  • Are there clothes in your closet that have been there for over five years?
Side note: the author speaks about culture, but I’d like to add my own 0,02 € on culture.

Culture is not often talked about in the realm of trauma and emotional freedom, probably because in a world of identity politics, ranking cultures based on their efficacy to deal with life appears extremely discriminatory.

However, history tends to side with the fact that culture plays a tremendous role in the development and well-being of people, and as a result, as a society. Sam Harris and Thomas Sowell have discussed these issues, but in order not to do politics, I’ll take another example: Scandinavia.

We tend to think that capitalism developed in Britain at the end of the 18th century, but this isn’t exactly correct. Scandinavian kingdoms already practiced intense economic exchange before the invention of the steam machine. In fact, they started to develop economically when Protestantism spread in the region.

Protestantism wasn’t as big of a religious shift as it was a cultural shift. Catholicism was based on centralization. The Holy text was interpreted by the church which was the ambassador of God on Earth. People weren’t thinking for themselves. They were told what to think at church. Catholicism was a hierarchy at the top of which sat the Pope.

Luther and Calvin disagreed with this idea.

They read the Holy texts and decided it’d be better for people if they were to choose for themselves the interpretation of the scripture. As such, the huge "centralization mindset" inherited from the catholic church and that had been transcribed into society, shifted.

The cultural system abandoned the idea of centralization and decentralized...well, about everything. This process empowered the individual. People weren’t taught how to think anymore, but had to think for themselves. In society, this translated to an increased-freedom for the individual to pursue what he deemed valuable (and guess what it was...).

This newfound freedom enabled the individual to start trading and make money (trade really is an unavoidable consequence of freedom.)

Increased economic activity meant society got richer. This cultural shift partly explains the success of Scandinavian countries nowadays.

This became possible thanks to an original shift of culture, which created better outcomes.

End of the side note.

Culture is often ignored because it seems invisible, but it shapes identity, behavior, relationships, and personality. If you find yourself in consistent environments and consistent social roles, then your personality will show up as stable and consistent over time.

There is a huge volume of literature further detailing how the groups of people you hang out the most with shapes:

  • Academic achievement
  • Choice of university and degree
  • How productive you are at work
  • Whether or not you cheat in school and other life domains
  • Whether you’re likely to do extracurricular activities and go above and beyond the call of duty
  • Whether you engage in risky behaviors such as smoking, doing harmful drugs, and using alcohol
  • Your likelihood of engaging in criminal behaviors
  • The financial decisions you make and how well you ultimately do financially
  • Your chances of becoming an entrepreneur
Since your environment shapes who you are, you need to immerse yourself in an environment that pushes you to become your future self. You need to hang out with people that are who you want to become.

Furthermore, here are three fundamental strategies of environmental design that you can use to force yourself into becoming who you want to be.

1. Strategic remembering

2. Strategic ignorance

3. Forcing functions

We will talk about them tomorrow.

See you tomorrow!
 

monfii

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Personality isn't permanent: a summary

DAY 19

Strategic remembering

Strategic remembering is Tim Ferriss always carrying a copy of the book “the magic of thinking big”.

It is Ryan Holiday carrying a coin onto which is written “Memento Mori”.

It is me who put as a desktop background a picture of cubicles, to constantly remind myself to do everything in order to avoid this fate at all costs.

If you want to become your future self, you need an environment that reminds you of that future self, not of your former self.

Goals become realities when you are constantly reminded to go after them. This is why many successful people write down their goals every single day.

They need to remember where they’re going, just like an airplane needs to constantly update its trajectory as it gets pushed off course.

Questions:

What transformational triggers can you install into your environment?

Where would you put those strategic reminders?

Change your computer password to a phrase your future self would use. Move your television so it is no longer the centerpiece of your home (or better, throw it away). Remove all of the social media apps from your phone. Look at your closet and get rid of anything that your future self wouldn’t wear. You could fill your entire environment with reminders of your highest aspirations and goals.

And you should.


Strategic Ignorance


Most of the things calling on your attention are garbage. All social media apps, the news, etc don’t bring anything into your life, nor help you develop and achieve your goals.

Strategic ignorance is about getting rid of everything that prevents you from becoming your future self and anchor you into your past.

Yes, including people.

Strategic ignorance is not about being closed-minded. It’s about knowing what you want and focusing on it entirely.

As human beings, we are easily swayed or derailed. Rather than putting ourselves in tempting situations calling back on our former selves, we should aim at avoiding them altogether.

You can easily design an environment with the principles enabling you to pursue what you are after.

You need to design rules and systems that stop you from finding yourself in a mire of filth or the daze of endless opportunity.

You need to make one decision that makes a million other decisions either easier, automatic, or irrelevant.

I’ll give you some of mine:

  • I have a "smart bracelet" (xiaomi band 3, 30 euros) which rings when I have to wake up, when I have to go to sleep, and when I have to do sport. It also helps me monitor my sleep.
  • I don’t have ANY social media app on my phone. If I want to check Twitter or facebook, I connect through google, and I always have to type a complicated password which discourages me to connect in the first place.
  • I never see my friends during the day because the day is made to work, not to see friends.
  • I don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t take drugs, don’t eat sugar, don’t watch porn, as I know these vices lead me to other vices.
  • I write a list of things to do in the evening for the next day, so I don’t have to think about what to do when I wake up. I just follow the list.
  • My morning routine is the same thing every day, so I don’t have to think about it.
  • All of my pants go with all of my t-shirts and shirts, so I don’t have to think about it.
  • I only eat the same thing, so I don’t have to think about what to buy because it is now automated.
  • Obviously, I don’t have any TV, nor any games on my computer, nor any video game console, or anything else that could stir me off my goal. Wikipedia and the FLF is how I entertain myself + a bunch of tech, blockchain and entrepreneurship newsletters I signed up to.

Now, your turn.

Think about all of the inputs you’re currently getting that are sabotaging your future self.

  • Rather than relying on willpower, how could you become ignorant of these things?
  • In what areas of your life do you need to apply strategic ignorance?
  • What simple decisions could you make right now that would eliminate decision fatigue from your life?
  • What are you currently aware of or overly informed about that you shouldn’t be?
  • What distractions or unwanted temptations remain in your world that need to be removed?
Forcing Functions

A forcing function is a self-imposed tunnel that forces you to grind to get out of it. You imprison yourself and make the achievement of your goal the sole solution to get out of the tunnel. You’ve designed the situation to force you in the direction you want.

Eg: When MJ moved to Phoenix, he had so little money that he had no choice but to make his website work. He was ready to do anything for it: drive taxis, flip burgers, etc. Since he had no choice…he made it.

Forcing functions exist to weed to coerce you into acting the way your future self would act. It also helps with getting rid of distractions.

Implementing forcing functions into your life ensures that you’re constantly moving in a desired direction, hence my metaphor of it being a tunnel. You can’t go anywhere but move forward.

Forcing functions also require time restraints, which activate Parkinson’s law. This law states that anything will take as much time to achieve as the time you allow yourself to achieve it (unless you work in construction lol). You give yourself deadlines and hustle to meet them. Otherwise, you never get anywhere.

Forcing functions can also arise out of the situation itself. In extreme sport, for example, forcing function is the activity. If you are not focused when you do a backflip with a snowboard…you may die.

A lot of athletes end up getting hooked on the feeling.

Forcing function demand a complete commitment from you.

To quote the author, “the goal is psychological flow and high performance.”

Your life should be designed so that you can focus 100% on your achievement. You want to produce the absolute best, otherwise, you may fail.

One of the most useful and powerful forcing functions is money. If you invest into a costly program, you’ll be more enticed to follow it. Likewise, if you give 1000 euros to someone and they only pay you back 100 euros at a time every time you hit your goal within your deadline, you’ll be much more motivated to work.

Questions:

How can you embed more forcing functions into your life to ensure you become the person you want to be?

What situations could you create that would produce powerful results?

Conclusion of chapter 6

If we do not create and control our environment, our environment creates and controls us. —Marshall Goldsmith

The environment is one of the most powerful and important personality levers. You must change your environment and design it for purpose if you hope to see any result fast.

To quote the author:

“You are the product of your culture and context. You’re the product of the information and inputs you consume. Everything that comes in —the food, information, people, experiences—shapes you. The first step is becoming mindful of your context and how it is having an impact on who you are. The next step is becoming strategic with your environment and situation.”

Tomorrow will be the last day. We will talk about the conclusion of the book.

See you tomorrow!
 

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peterb0yd

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It is me who put as a desktop background a picture of cubicles, to constantly remind myself to do everything in order to avoid this fate at all costs.

If you want to become your future self, you need an environment that reminds you of that future self, not of your former self.

Haha I love the thread and summaries, but this made me laugh. I would recommend taking that wallpaper off in this case. Put something there that is more inspiring.
 

monfii

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Haha I love the thread and summaries, but this made me laugh. I would recommend taking that wallpaper off in this case. Put something there that is more inspiring.
I have been thinking about this. The reason why i am here, why I "want to make money" is because of freedom. Freedom is the only thing i seek. Or rather, i run away from a lifestyle made of commitment, "contracts" and obligations (relationships, rent, mortgage, employment, kids, pets, addictions etc). I don't want a lambo. I mean, i don't care. What i want is life on my own terms. And an office is not it. I use the office image because it is a big booster. It represents where i ll end up if i dont move my a$$.

Also i am terrified of failure so the idea to work away from something instead of towars something is more...soothing.
 

monfii

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Personality isn't permanent: a summary

DAY 20

Conclusion of the book:

Embrace Your Future to Change Your Past Life is simple.


Everything happens for you, not to you. —Byron Katie

Questions:

  • You’ve made it this far. The question is, what are you going to do now? Are you going to be consistent with your former or your future self?
  • Are you going to activate the four levers of your personality and make radical and desired change?
  • Are you going to continually expand yourself—imagining and becoming a new future self again and again?
I’ll leave the author conclude the book:

“You are now equipped to increase your imagination, motivation, faith, and courage. You are equipped to embrace your future and change your past.

Throughout this book, you’ve been asked dozens of questions. Go back through those questions and answer them in your journal. Use your journal every single day to imagine, design, strategize, and conspire to create and live your wildest dreams.

Personality isn’t permanent, it is a choice.

Your personality can change in dramatic ways. The life of your dreams can eventually become something you take for granted— your new normal. Once you arrive at your wildest and most imaginative future self, take the confidence and faith you gain and do it again, but this time bigger and better.

Life is a classroom. You’re here to grow. You’re here to live by faith and design. You’re here. You’re here to choose. The choice is yours.

Who will you be?”



My conclusion:

When you study copywriting, you learn about a very important rule: never tell the target of your ad that it is their fault.

If you’re selling a product to helps people stop smoking, don’t tell them it is their fault if they smoked in the first place. If you sell a product to help people lose weight, don’t tell them it is their fault if they ate those damn fries. Tell them instead they are a victim of ultra-capitalism and evil marketing that exploited their emotions and insecurities to get them to buy tobacco and eat poly-unsaturated fat.

This, is ultimately what this book is about. It’s giving you a choice. The one to take your life into your own hand, or to remain a victim of society and of your animalistic instincts. It is telling you that by taking action and responsibility, you can transform your life for the better. It is also honest by telling you that it will not be easy – but it will be worth it.

In essence, I find the book to be strikingly similar to Unscripted. Both start by dispelling myths. MJ dispels the Slowlane myth, and Dr. Brady dispels the personality myth. Then it tells you that you won’t get what you want by following society’s advice (aka the slowlane). It tells you there is a better way – a harder way, but that promises better results.

Finally, it gives you the tools to achieve what you want, the initial reason you bought the book in the first place (the questions at the end of each chapter in PIP, and the CENTS framework in Unscripted).

I believe this is why the book had such a huge impact on me. It is a “complete” book that treats every side of the problem, building each part onto the precedent one, to arrive at a final conclusion where you are given what you want. It takes a shredded map and assembles it, piece by piece, to show you the way.

This book, like Unscripted, is a complete book. Do you think people would have enjoyed Unscripted as much if it had only featured the Fastlane chapter or the CENTS framework? No. In order to make it work, the myth of the Slowlane had first to be dispelled.

Dr. Hardy used a similar process. He took the entire problem, deconstructed it bit by bit, and showed you what you wanted to be shown.

So I hope you enjoyed the summary. I hoped you answered the questions seriously. I hope you are actively reframing your traumas, changing your narrative, and working towards your future by achieving a meaningful goal – a Massively Transformative Purpose.

I have spoken of Jordan Peterson’s writing program “self authoring” at the beginning of the threat. If you found Dr. Hardy’s questions too “shallow”, or not enough, then you may benefit from the self-authoring.

The principle is the exact same one, except that it goes deeper, and is more specific. You have more questions to answer. Each part takes between 4 and 10 hours to answer. The work is deeper, so the benefit is greater.

It is worth a try, really.

Ok, it’s time for me to exit.

Congratulations for following the thread.

Simply, don’t forget that knowledge, just like ideas, are worth nothing if they remain unpracticed and untried.

Best,

Monfii
 

Zahida A. Khan

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Researchers found a strong correlation between social roles and personality types. If the social role demanded for one person to exhibit one of the five personality traits (remember OCEAN for Openness, Conscientiousness, Extroversion, Agreeableness, Neuroticism), they would usually develop that trait.
@monfii - 100% Concur!

Reminds me of The Stanford Prison Experiment, where Students who were randomly selected to be Prison Guards were placed in an authoritative position and they assumed the personality trait of that role – they became extremely cruel to the prisoners, unlike how they would normally behave in their day-to-day lives

Even though there were numerous errors in the experiment, Prisoners and Guard's mental states had changed drastically.
 

Zahida A. Khan

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What would happen if you based your identity on who you want to be, rather than who you’ve been?
Loving your thread thus far . . .

I highlighted this point coz "imposter syndrome" came to mind

Thinking that many successful people have at some point shared that en route to success they felt like an "imposter"

Just wondering if that's coz they were seeing their future self and their lower, survival brain don't want them to change since the lower brain is comfortable with the past, and any new info is a threat ... I'm thinking that our lower brain is making us feel like an imposter, anchoring us to the past, staying in our comfort zone and fighting against focusing on our future self - perhaps that's why it's difficult for most people to think about transcending their current self to their ideal, future self??

What do you think?
 

monfii

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Loving your thread thus far . . .

I highlighted this point coz "imposter syndrome" came to mind

Thinking that many successful people have at some point shared that en route to success they felt like an "imposter"

Just wondering if that's coz they were seeing their future self and their lower, survival brain don't want them to change since the lower brain is comfortable with the past, and any new info is a threat ... I'm thinking that our lower brain is making us feel like an imposter, anchoring us to the past, staying in our comfort zone and fighting against focusing on our future self - perhaps that's why it's difficult for most people to think about transcending their current self to their ideal, future self??

What do you think?
I think the impostor syndrome arises out of three thoughts:

- "I am not qualified to do this". It may be true, it may also not be true.
- "I don't deserve to be in the position I am in". It may also be true.
- "Someone else is more qualified than me." It may also be true.

The question is, what are you gonna do about it? I think it's nice to take a chance and objectively assess each of these statements, then find a remedy. If you don't feel qualified enough...then start working to upgrade your skills. I don't see the impostor syndrome as much of a threat because I think it can help people motivate them by being an extra-motivation. However, some people's impostor syndrome is so strong that they burn off as a result.

Balance. All is a question of balance.
 

MJ DeMarco

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FYI, this book is on Audible 2 for 1 sale in the next 15 hours...

 

Zahida A. Khan

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And since their goal is conspicuous consumption, they wait in line to consume conspicuously.
Loving your summary for PIP - I can see you inking your own book

Have you read, Thorstein Veblen's book, The Theory of the Leisure Class, where he discussed the "conspicuous consumption of the leisure class"?

Soon as I read the above quoted line it reminded of TV's book

Do you think that those who are searching for their "passion" and "happiness" are also procrastinators and see themselves as victims, instead of taking responsibility and being the captain of their ship??

Look forward to reading the next one

Thanks so much for sharing and have PIP on my reading list
 

Zahida A. Khan

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“Authenticity” these days is simply another way of saying “I have a fixed mindset. I am a certain way and shouldn’t be expected to do anything but what comes immediately naturally and easy for me.”
OMG!! This is soOOOo damn true!!

I feel that is our default programming at play, where our lower, survival brain wants us to remain in our comfort zone. I truly see your point that 'authenticity' can be limiting - it keeps us trapped in our own limited beliefs
 

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The author clearly hasn't had any children yet. They do get born with a certain preset. Some are adventurous other aren't for example. Many more examples to be given on the subject.
I agree that humans are born with some personality. I have seen that in my own children as well. However so it’s not helpful or empowering information, and people vastly underestimate the degree to which they can change themselves.
 

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Sep 14, 2019
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Thank you for your book summary @monfii. The past does not equal the future—that can only be true if we allow it. And it’s incredible how far we can go if we have the vision for it. It’s a good reminder, even for people who are “unscripted”, that the ceiling is as low or high as we want it to be.

I periodically challenge my own thinking on this. Are my goals too low? What would it mean to x3 my goal for this year?

The author’s use of Elon Musk is exactly on point and is a perfect example.
 

ExaltedLife

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Hello,

It's me, mon_fi.

I promised I'd make a threat summarizing the book "Personality isn't permanent" by Dr. Benjamin Hardy. This book may be one of the best self-development books I have ever read and I am very excited about it. Furthermore, I think it could help a lot of people on the forum that are stuck in bad habits, scared, can't make decisions, or procrastinate.

If you enjoy the posts you're about to read, by all means, buy the book. I feel a bit guilty for summarizing and creating a threat based on...the work of someone else. However, I really think that what you are about to read is a game changer.

So if you feel you're getting into it, please think about the author, Dr. Hardy. It will only be small price to pay for the enormous difference it will make in your life.

I found the book randomly on Amazon. It had 5 stars, which surprised me because I had never heard of it. I directly bought it and began reading. 10 minutes into it, it was clear why people were so excited about it.

I have read many excellent personal development books. You may almost call me a junkie. However, each of them only partially solved the self-development equation.

Ray Dalio will tell you to pursue meaningful goals and relationships. Eckart Tolle will tell you to forget about your past and focus on the present. Don Ruiz will tell you to reframe your past. Tony Robbins and Susan Jeffers will tell you to "just do it". Gary Vee will tell you to work hard. Many others will give you other excellent advice.

However, none of them, to my impression at least, ever managed to build a complete solution to breaking bad habits, achieving your goals, and transcending the person you currently are to become who you want to be.

Jordan Peterson may have touched on the topic a bit, but he is still incredibly rooted in the past. When you look at his writing program, it contains two sections about the past, and only one about the future (I do recommend the writing program nonetheless, and you'll find out why soon enough).

Anyway, I am not here to criticize but to bring solutions. This forum has done so much for me I felt I had to deliver something as well.

When I finished summarizing "Personality Isn't Permanent", I had about 18 000 words. So instead of stupidly uploading the document here, I have decided to steal the structure of Lex's "Make Money Copywriting in 15 Days Or Less". I think it will be more interesting, especially since the book is action-based.

Let me explain: at the end of each chapter, the author is asking you to answer questions about your past, about your present, but most importantly, about yourself.

So, similarly to Lex's threat, you'll have the chance to "take action" and meditate on your own life by answering questions related to the theory you'll have just learnt at the end of most of the post.

The book itself is not long, but it is so dense in content that I believe this method will yield better results for transformation. Resolving traumas and coming with a clear picture of who you are is a process. So let's organize this thread as such.

We will start today. For the next 20 days or so, I'll upload one piece of the summary on a daily basis. Some days will be heavier than others. I just hope you will answer the questions and do the work, because I really think this book can be profoundly transformative. At least, it has been for me. There is therefore no reason it can't be for you too.

Side note: don't answer the questions in the threat. There are very intimate questions. You should instead answer them in writing in your journal, or talk about them with a close friend or relative.

If you're sick to be limited by your traumas, if you're willing to rewrite your own story, if you're ready to finally face difficult life events and process them so that they stop preventing you from achieving your goals, and finally, if you have a burning desire to become the person you have always wanted to be, then this tread is for you.

If not, then it's not.

The next following posts will feature a summary of each part of the book. Since we are on the fastlane forum, I have added some "side notes" and have taken some elements of MJ's path as an entrepeneur to illustrate the theory outlined in the book. Since we all know these examples, I thought they would be handy. I hope you don't mind, MJ.

Most of what you are about to read comes from the book, but I have also added some material from "fastlane thinking".

Ok, enough talk.

Let's dive in.

I'm not one for book summaries, but you seemed so enthusiastic that I looked up the book, and I was impressed by it, so I bought it.

I've just started reading it, and wow, this is exactly what I needed to read right now. So thank you very much.
 

Zahida A. Khan

Contributor
Jun 11, 2020
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Because of her mother's suggestions and the world telling her that she was hurt, she believed it as truth. If so, then she IS a victim but of a different crime.
This is a great point you've made, which reminds me of the following quote:

Vladimir Lenin — "A lie told often enough becomes the truth."
 

Zahida A. Khan

Contributor
Jun 11, 2020
57
40
45
Toronto
I thought Goebbels said this. Not that it matters.
Hey @Madame Peccato, much thanks 4 pointing this out.

Seems like all over Google, attribution is made to Lenin and Wikipedia states that Goebbels also said it

I suppose if Google results show "Lenin" then if it's repeated over n over, we'll all believe that Lenin said it

I appreciate you pointing this fact out

Thank you, Madame
 

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