My Deep Crippling Fear

[lewj24]

I was watching the movie Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates. It isn't really fastlane but it got serious for a moment and it really hit me emotionally. Just thinking about it literally makes my insides hurt. Here's the conversation:

"Do you ever get that feeling...
that you're not good enough
to get what you really want...
so you're too scared to try?"
-"All the time."
"Really?"
- "Like, all the time. It's terrifying."
"It is, it's terrifying."
- "Yeah."
"You're, like, stuck."

This is obviously my problem. Just read my threads and it is clear. But I never realized just how crippled by it I was until now.

I am at a point in my life where I have nothing but time. Yet I am frightened to start anything. I'm scared of failing. I do not know why I am scared. I just am.

I don't think I'm scared of people judging me or looking down on me. I almost feel scared of myself. Like I won't accomplish what I want in life and will be on my deathbed judging myself looking back on my utter failure of a life.

I don't know why I am telling you this. Maybe it's easier to type and hit send than actually talking emotionally in person. Maybe it's because I will always have this thread to look back on and figure my shit out. Maybe someone will feel the same way and not feel alone. Maybe someone will give some advice. I just felt like I needed to get this out in the open and maybe I'll figure out how to stop it. Fix it. Not feel this way..

 

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[lewj24]

Emotionally this makes sense. But logically it is a paradox. This fear of failure is preventing me to start which will ultimately cause me to fail.

Are there any tricks to turn off your emotions?

 

[smarty]

do something with the intention to fail, see how "good" you are at failing.
the goal must be to desensitize yourself about failing because all it is is just learning.
The cure to any fear is action. You will never win over any fear if you just keep thinking about it and don't take any action. Stare the bull in the eye.

Sent from my SM-E500H using Tapatalk

 

[Snoophek]

I understand what you are saying. Also I have a similar fear.

I'm scared of time.

Each moment I'm scared that I'm not using it to the fullest and that I'm wasting my time. Passing minutes literally hurt me. I'm scared that while dying I'll be disappointed with myself. And as you said, paradoxically it sometimes cripples me.

What helped me a little is meditation and reading 'The Power of Now'. That said, I still didn't menage to deal with it completely. At the end, the opinion of the Man in the Glass is the only thing that matters.

 

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[AndreHimself]

I don't think I'm scared of people judging me or looking down on me. I almost feel scared of myself. Like I won't accomplish what I want in life and will be on my deathbed judging myself looking back on my utter failure of a life.

Hey man, I'll let you know right now that I'm scared, too. We're taking the road less traveled so having a little fear is natural and healthy in my opinion. But you're desire to want to succeed and achieve freedom needs to be stronger.

If it's something you really want to do deep down, you have to give it a shot. One of the top regrets older folks have is not that they failed, but they never tried to begin with.

Try to put yourself in the shoes of the older you, where you don't have the same energy, drive, determination to accomplish your goals. What do you wish you could tell the younger you. Would you be pissed off and regret never trying?

I'm not sure how old you are, but take a look at this thread. There's definitely a lot of eye openers here:
https://www.thefastlaneforum.com/community/threads/what-would-you-tell-your-25-year-old-self.50014/

Hope that helps!

 

[AndrewNC]

Are there any tricks to turn off your emotions?

Yes there is - but you don't want to turn them off, ignore them, or suppress them. You want to learn how to release them.

One visualization technique a friend of mine told me is to step into your fears (in your own mind).

In your mind, fully step into the worst fear. Seeing, hearing, feeling as if it's happening right now. Don't resist the emotions of fear, but embrace it and feel the emotions in you.

Now, as you're doing this and you feel the emotions, put a visual to them, such as turning them into light - so when you take a deep breath in...and then breathe it all out - see yourself breathing out that light (the emotions).

And for that brief moment after you breath it all out - feel that slight moment of peace and calm.

Continue this process until you can fully step into that scenario and not feel that fear anymore.

 

[_Seba_]

I'm sure your problem is focussing on the mountains top. You're probably afraid of not achieving your ultimate goal.

You could try to break your ultimate goal down like:

1. What is your target for the next 6 months?
2. What can you target this month to achieve your goal?
3. What can you target this week to achieve your monthly goal?
4. What can you do today to achieve your weekly goal?

Fortunately, fear is a powerful thing. Whenever I feel afraid of not achieving my goals, I work harder.

Maybe this helps. Good luck!

 

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[SteveO]

In your mind, fully step into the worst fear. Seeing, hearing, feeling as if it's happening right now. Don't resist the emotions of fear, but embrace it and feel the emotions in you.

Agreed. Feel the emotions to their fullest. Take a look at why you are feeling them. Then let it go....

If we have a joyous emotion in our life, the typical reaction is to feel the joy and then move on. That joy does not stop us.

Do the same with all your emotions. They are an important part of your being.

 

[458]

Your too focused on outcome. Just build something, doesn't matter what, the only requirement is you have to finish. A birdhouse, a small wooden boat, whatever, just finish something. Anything.

 

[lewj24]

Thanks everyone, I feel that you have all helped in different ways that I have never thought about.

Summary Points-

• Try to fail, embrace it, make it your goal until it's easy and not scary.
• Embrace the emotions as they come. Learn from them and then let them go.
• Older people never regret failing, they regret never trying.
• Focus on small daily steps/goals/process. Don't be overwhelmed by your end vision.
• Focus on what will really make you happy in the end.
• Want it more. Strengthen your desire to succeed.
• Finish something. Anything!

I will be rereading this thread a ton. Thank you.

 

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[G-Man]

I don't think I'm scared of people judging me or looking down on me. I almost feel scared of myself. Like I won't accomplish what I want in life and will be on my deathbed judging myself looking back on my utter failure of a life.

This sentiment exactly. I've felt that all my life. I felt it 6 months ago when, after reading TMFL I quit my job. What if I quit, and fail? I also realized this: the consequences are just not that bad.

Example: For two years I lived in an African country and slept on concrete every night in 100+ degree heat - voluntarily. Almost no amount of failure in the USSA could bring me that low, so why was I living in misery trying to avoid something I had already experienced and wasn't that bad?

Dude, you'll be glad you embraced that terror. You'll have failures, you'll realize that they aren't that awful (as long as you maintain perspective), and you'll be a happier and probably wealthier person.

Also, +100 reps for openly talking about something almost everyone feels and nobody acknowledges.

 

[Mr.Chaos]

I'm 100% sure the pain of looking back on the chances we didn't take would hurt a lot more than looking back at the chances we did take but failed at.

Failure cannot be avoided. Failure teaches and it is up to us to learn from it.

 

[Ika]

Bump

@lewj24 if you still want to talk about it openly, is there progress you have made? How are things going now?
What has worked the best, what has not worked at all?
Are you still facing the same fears?

 

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[Mattie]

"You're, like, stuck."

"You're not the only one." Most of the human race is afraid of their own personal power. I used to be this way! Fortunately, "Face Your Giants!". Fear Exposure! Face all your fears and scream if you have too, cry if you want too, but frankly if you're scared of everything in life, it's your worst nightmare. If you avoid everything out of fear, I'm sorry to give you the bad news. What you fear will happen anyway. You believe somehow the more you delay facing your fears, conflict, confrontation, you'll some how never have to get over your fears or face them. Life will keep placing you in similar situations until you're left with no other choice to face your fears. How ever long you want to take is up to you. Frankly, success only comes by placing your self outside of your comfort zone. Comfortable is stuck. Comfortable means there is no movement. You're not taking any action. You're not doing anything really but probably fretting over the unknown.

 

[JordanK]

When you realize that the real fear is that of not chasing your dreams. Then you will be compelled to take action. It took me a while to realize this. When I'm on my deathbed it won't matter how much 'stuff' I have accumulated but that I reached my full potential and didn't back down and live a life of mediocracy.

It could also be a self-confidence issue. You need to get a few small wins under your belt to go on to greater heights.

 

[Guest3722A]

I am at a point in my life where I have nothing but time. Yet I am frightened to start anything.

At this point, why do you need something? Get out into the world and engage and have fun. It's a puzzle, man. And the piece you have right now is "nothing but time". That's a gift my friend.

Engage life - all facets of it that interest you at the moment and get involved.

The lessons learned here at the forum will kick in when its time. No need to force something

 

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[lewj24]

Bump

@lewj24 if you still want to talk about it openly, is there progress you have made? How are things going now?
What has worked the best, what has not worked at all?
Are you still facing the same fears?

This thread was from awhile ago... A lot has changed since then. I am now moved out on my own with a friend. We are in the infant stage of starting a low barrier to entry business together. We chose this business because we have no money and after looking at all of the competition we honestly believe we can provide a better, higher quality service. I have had the fear I talked about when thinking about going up to people and telling them I'm in business but it passes quickly and I forget about it.

I think there's multiple reasons why I don't have as much fear anymore..

I think @JordanK hit the nail on the head with this:

When you realize that the real fear is that of not chasing your dreams.

I am also poor as shit and hate it.

I also think me being in business with my friend makes it less frightening because he's one of the smartest guys I've ever met. He's one of those guys you know will be successful in life one way or another.

But honestly I think the biggest reason I don't have as much fear anymore is because I truly believe that we will be the best in our industry. I've seen our competition at work and I know we can do better. How can you have fear when you know you will be the best? When you know you are better than the competition?

 

[ZF Lee]

This thread was from awhile ago... A lot has changed since then. I am now moved out on my own with a friend. We are in the infant stage of starting a low barrier to entry business together. We chose this business because we have no money and after looking at all of the competition we honestly believe we can provide a better, higher quality service. I have had the fear I talked about when thinking about going up to people and telling them I'm in business but it passes quickly and I forget about it.

I think there's multiple reasons why I don't have as much fear anymore..

I think @JordanK hit the nail on the head with this:


I am also poor as shit and hate it.

I also think me being in business with my friend makes it less frightening because he's one of the smartest guys I've ever met. He's one of those guys you know will be successful in life one way or another.

But honestly I think the biggest reason I don't have as much fear anymore is because I truly believe that we will be the best in our industry. I've seen our competition at work and I know we can do better. How can you have fear when you know you will be the best? When you know you are better than the competition?

Money aside, I think you'll make it.
I don't think you are poor as shit. If you can see what your competition is doing, and know what to do about it, plus rope in someone to help you out, you aren't poor at all! You've got some resources, at least.

It's best to have MULTIPLE reasons to fight fear. One reason is not good enough. The brain will spawn argument after argument to defeat your reasonings, so have an arsenal them!

But on fear, I suppose that fear can be considered part of the Fastlane ENTRY commandment. An illusion of a barrier. So I would argue, if you are not afraid enough, the entry barrier is not high enough lol. But that's an extremist view IMO.