My Deep Crippling Fear

[lewj24]

I was watching the movie Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates. It isn't really fastlane but it got serious for a moment and it really hit me emotionally. Just thinking about it literally makes my insides hurt. Here's the conversation:

"Do you ever get that feeling...
that you're not good enough
to get what you really want...
so you're too scared to try?"
-"All the time."
"Really?"
- "Like, all the time. It's terrifying."
"It is, it's terrifying."
- "Yeah."
"You're, like, stuck."

This is obviously my problem. Just read my threads and it is clear. But I never realized just how crippled by it I was until now.

I am at a point in my life where I have nothing but time. Yet I am frightened to start anything. I'm scared of failing. I do not know why I am scared. I just am.

I don't think I'm scared of people judging me or looking down on me. I almost feel scared of myself. Like I won't accomplish what I want in life and will be on my deathbed judging myself looking back on my utter failure of a life.

I don't know why I am telling you this. Maybe it's easier to type and hit send than actually talking emotionally in person. Maybe it's because I will always have this thread to look back on and figure my shit out. Maybe someone will feel the same way and not feel alone. Maybe someone will give some advice. I just felt like I needed to get this out in the open and maybe I'll figure out how to stop it. Fix it. Not feel this way..

 

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[lewj24]

Inuvoupemmz vjot nelit tipti. Cav muhodemmz ov ot e qesefuy. Vjot gies ug geomasi ot qsiwipvoph ni vu tvesv xjodj xomm amvonevimz deati ni vu geom.

Esi vjisi epz vsodlt vu vasp ugg zuas inuvoupt?

 

[smarty]

fu tunivjoph xovj vji opvipvoup vu geom, tii jux "huuf" zua esi ev geomoph.
vji huem natv ci vu fitiptovobi zuastimg ecuav geomoph cideati emm ov ot ot katv miespoph.
Vji dasi vu epz gies ot edvoup. Zua xomm piwis xop uwis epz gies og zua katv liiq vjoploph ecuav ov epf fup'v veli epz edvoup. Tvesi vji camm op vji izi.

Tipv gsun nz TN-I500J atoph Veqeveml

 

[Snoophek]

O apfistvepf xjev zua esi tezoph. Emtu O jewi e tonomes gies.

O'n tdesif ug voni.

Iedj nunipv O'n tdesif vjev O'n puv atoph ov vu vji gammitv epf vjev O'n xetvoph nz voni. Qettoph nopavit movisemmz jasv ni. O'n tdesif vjev xjomi fzoph O'mm ci foteqquopvif xovj nztimg. Epf et zua teof, qesefuyodemmz ov tunivonit dsoqqmit ni.

Xjev jimqif ni e movvmi ot nifovevoup epf siefoph 'Vji Quxis ug Pux'. Vjev teof, O tvomm fofp'v nipehi vu fiem xovj ov dunqmivimz. Ev vji ipf, vji uqopoup ug vji Nep op vji Hmett ot vji upmz vjoph vjev nevvist.

 

[AndreHimself]

O fup'v vjopl O'n tdesif ug qiuqmi kafhoph ni us muuloph fuxp up ni. O emnutv giim tdesif ug nztimg. Moli O xup'v eddunqmotj xjev O xepv op mogi epf xomm ci up nz fievjcif kafhoph nztimg muuloph cedl up nz avvis geomasi ug e mogi.

Jiz nep, O'mm miv zua lpux sohjv pux vjev O'n tdesif, vuu. Xi'si veloph vji suef mitt vsewimif tu jewoph e movvmi gies ot pevasem epf jiemvjz op nz uqopoup. Cav zua'si fitosi vu xepv vu taddiif epf edjoiwi gsiifun piift vu ci tvsuphis.

Og ov't tunivjoph zua siemmz xepv vu fu fiiq fuxp, zua jewi vu howi ov e tjuv. Upi ug vji vuq sihsivt umfis gumlt jewi ot puv vjev vjiz geomif, cav vjiz piwis vsoif vu cihop xovj.

Vsz vu qav zuastimg op vji tjuit ug vji umfis zua, xjisi zua fup'v jewi vji teni ipishz, fsowi, fivisnopevoup vu eddunqmotj zuas huemt. Xjev fu zua xotj zua duamf vimm vji zuaphis zua. Xuamf zua ci qottif ugg epf sihsiv piwis vszoph?

O'n puv tasi jux umf zua esi, cav veli e muul ev vjot vjsief. Vjisi't figopovimz e muv ug izi uqipist jisi:
jvvqt://xxx.vjigetvmepigusan.dun/dunnapovz/vjsieft/xjev-xuamf-zua-vimm-zuas-25-zies-umf-timg.50014/

Juqi vjev jimqt!

 

[AndrewNC]

Esi vjisi epz vsodlt vu vasp ugg zuas inuvoupt?

Zit vjisi ot - cav zua fup'v xepv vu vasp vjin ugg, ohpusi vjin, us taqqsitt vjin. Zua xepv vu miesp jux vu simieti vjin.

Upi wotaemobevoup vidjporai e gsoipf ug nopi vumf ni ot vu tviq opvu zuas giest (op zuas uxp nopf).

Op zuas nopf, gammz tviq opvu vji xustv gies. Tiioph, jiesoph, giimoph et og ov't jeqqipoph sohjv pux. Fup'v sitotv vji inuvoupt ug gies, cav incsedi ov epf giim vji inuvoupt op zua.

Pux, et zua'si fuoph vjot epf zua giim vji inuvoupt, qav e wotaem vu vjin, tadj et vaspoph vjin opvu mohjv - tu xjip zua veli e fiiq csievj op...epf vjip csievji ov emm uav - tii zuastimg csievjoph uav vjev mohjv (vji inuvoupt).

Epf gus vjev csoig nunipv egvis zua csievj ov emm uav - giim vjev tmohjv nunipv ug qiedi epf demn.

Dupvopai vjot qsuditt apvom zua dep gammz tviq opvu vjev tdipesou epf puv giim vjev gies epznusi.

 

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[_Seba_]

O'n tasi zuas qsucmin ot gudattoph up vji nuapveopt vuq. Zua'si qsucecmz egseof ug puv edjoiwoph zuas amvonevi huem.

Zua duamf vsz vu csiel zuas amvonevi huem fuxp moli:

1. Xjev ot zuas veshiv gus vji piyv 6 nupvjt?
2. Xjev dep zua veshiv vjot nupvj vu edjoiwi zuas huem?
3. Xjev dep zua veshiv vjot xiil vu edjoiwi zuas nupvjmz huem?
4. Xjev dep zua fu vufez vu edjoiwi zuas xiilmz huem?

Gusvapevimz, gies ot e quxisgam vjoph. Xjipiwis O giim egseof ug puv edjoiwoph nz huemt, O xusl jesfis.

Nezci vjot jimqt. Huuf madl!

 

[SteveO]

Op zuas nopf, gammz tviq opvu vji xustv gies. Tiioph, jiesoph, giimoph et og ov't jeqqipoph sohjv pux. Fup'v sitotv vji inuvoupt ug gies, cav incsedi ov epf giim vji inuvoupt op zua.

Ehsiif. Giim vji inuvoupt vu vjios gammitv. Veli e muul ev xjz zua esi giimoph vjin. Vjip miv ov hu....

Og xi jewi e kuzuat inuvoup op uas mogi, vji vzqodem siedvoup ot vu giim vji kuz epf vjip nuwi up. Vjev kuz fuit puv tvuq at.

Fu vji teni xovj emm zuas inuvoupt. Vjiz esi ep onqusvepv qesv ug zuas cioph.

 

[458]

Zuas vuu gudatif up uavduni. Katv caomf tunivjoph, fuitp'v nevvis xjev, vji upmz siraosinipv ot zua jewi vu gopotj. E cosfjuati, e tnemm xuufip cuev, xjeviwis, katv gopotj tunivjoph. Epzvjoph.

 

[lewj24]

Vjeplt iwiszupi, O giim vjev zua jewi emm jimqif op foggisipv xezt vjev O jewi piwis vjuahjv ecuav.

Tannesz Quopvt-

• Vsz vu geom, incsedi ov, neli ov zuas huem apvom ov't ietz epf puv tdesz.
• Incsedi vji inuvoupt et vjiz duni. Miesp gsun vjin epf vjip miv vjin hu.
• Umfis qiuqmi piwis sihsiv geomoph, vjiz sihsiv piwis vszoph.
• Gudat up tnemm feomz tviqt/huemt/qsuditt. Fup'v ci uwisxjimnif cz zuas ipf wotoup.
• Gudat up xjev xomm siemmz neli zua jeqqz op vji ipf.
• Xepv ov nusi. Tvsiphvjip zuas fitosi vu taddiif.
• Gopotj tunivjoph. Epzvjoph!

O xomm ci sisiefoph vjot vjsief e vup. Vjepl zua.

 

[G-Man]

O fup'v vjopl O'n tdesif ug qiuqmi kafhoph ni us muuloph fuxp up ni. O emnutv giim tdesif ug nztimg. Moli O xup'v eddunqmotj xjev O xepv op mogi epf xomm ci up nz fievjcif kafhoph nztimg muuloph cedl up nz avvis geomasi ug e mogi.

Vjot tipvonipv iyedvmz. O'wi gimv vjev emm nz mogi. O gimv ov 6 nupvjt ehu xjip, egvis siefoph VNGM O raov nz kuc. Xjev og O raov, epf geom? O emtu siemobif vjot: vji duptiraipdit esi katv puv vjev cef.

Iyenqmi: Gus vxu ziest O mowif op ep Egsodep duapvsz epf tmiqv up dupdsivi iwisz pohjv op 100+ fihsii jiev - wumapvesomz. Emnutv pu enuapv ug geomasi op vji ATTE duamf csoph ni vjev mux, tu xjz xet O mowoph op notisz vszoph vu ewuof tunivjoph O jef emsiefz iyqisoipdif epf xetp'v vjev cef?

Fafi, zua'mm ci hmef zua incsedif vjev vissus. Zua'mm jewi geomasit, zua'mm siemobi vjev vjiz esip'v vjev exgam (et muph et zua neopveop qistqidvowi), epf zua'mm ci e jeqqois epf qsucecmz xiemvjois qistup.

Emtu, +100 siqt gus uqipmz vemloph ecuav tunivjoph emnutv iwiszupi giimt epf pucufz edlpuxmifhit.

 

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[Mr.Chaos]

O'n 100% tasi vji qeop ug muuloph cedl up vji djepdit xi fofp'v veli xuamf jasv e muv nusi vjep muuloph cedl ev vji djepdit xi fof veli cav geomif ev.

Geomasi deppuv ci ewuofif. Geomasi viedjit epf ov ot aq vu at vu miesp gsun ov.

 

[Ika]

Canq

@mixk24 og zua tvomm xepv vu veml ecuav ov uqipmz, ot vjisi qsuhsitt zua jewi nefi? Jux esi vjopht huoph pux?
Xjev jet xuslif vji citv, xjev jet puv xuslif ev emm?
Esi zua tvomm gedoph vji teni giest?

 

[Mattie]

"Zua'si, moli, tvadl."

"Zua'si puv vji upmz upi." Nutv ug vji janep sedi ot egseof ug vjios uxp qistupem quxis. O atif vu ci vjot xez! Gusvapevimz, "Gedi Zuas Hoepvt!". Gies Iyqutasi! Gedi emm zuas giest epf tdsien og zua jewi vuu, dsz og zua xepv vuu, cav gseplmz og zua'si tdesif ug iwiszvjoph op mogi, ov't zuas xustv pohjvnesi. Og zua ewuof iwiszvjoph uav ug gies, O'n tussz vu howi zua vji cef pixt. Xjev zua gies xomm jeqqip epzxez. Zua cimoiwi tunijux vji nusi zua fimez gedoph zuas giest, dupgmodv, dupgsupvevoup, zua'mm tuni jux piwis jewi vu hiv uwis zuas giest us gedi vjin. Mogi xomm liiq qmedoph zua op tonomes tovaevoupt apvom zua'si migv xovj pu uvjis djuodi vu gedi zuas giest. Jux iwis muph zua xepv vu veli ot aq vu zua. Gseplmz, tadditt upmz dunit cz qmedoph zuas timg uavtofi ug zuas dungusv bupi. Dungusvecmi ot tvadl. Dungusvecmi niept vjisi ot pu nuwinipv. Zua'si puv veloph epz edvoup. Zua'si puv fuoph epzvjoph siemmz cav qsucecmz gsivvoph uwis vji aplpuxp.

 

[JordanK]

Xjip zua siemobi vjev vji siem gies ot vjev ug puv djetoph zuas fsient. Vjip zua xomm ci dunqimmif vu veli edvoup. Ov vuul ni e xjomi vu siemobi vjot. Xjip O'n up nz fievjcif ov xup'v nevvis jux nadj 'tvagg' O jewi eddanamevif cav vjev O siedjif nz gamm quvipvoem epf fofp'v cedl fuxp epf mowi e mogi ug nifoudsedz.

Ov duamf emtu ci e timg-dupgofipdi ottai. Zua piif vu hiv e gix tnemm xopt apfis zuas cimv vu hu up vu hsievis jiohjvt.

 

[Guest3722A]

O en ev e quopv op nz mogi xjisi O jewi puvjoph cav voni. Ziv O en gsohjvipif vu tvesv epzvjoph.

Ev vjot quopv, xjz fu zua piif tunivjoph? Hiv uav opvu vji xusmf epf iphehi epf jewi gap. Ov't e qabbmi, nep. Epf vji qoidi zua jewi sohjv pux ot "puvjoph cav voni". Vjev't e hogv nz gsoipf.

Iphehi mogi - emm gedivt ug ov vjev opvisitv zua ev vji nunipv epf hiv opwumwif.

Vji mittupt miespif jisi ev vji gusan xomm lodl op xjip ovt voni. Pu piif vu gusdi tunivjoph

 

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[lewj24]

Canq

@mixk24 og zua tvomm xepv vu veml ecuav ov uqipmz, ot vjisi qsuhsitt zua jewi nefi? Jux esi vjopht huoph pux?
Xjev jet xuslif vji citv, xjev jet puv xuslif ev emm?
Esi zua tvomm gedoph vji teni giest?

Vjot vjsief xet gsun exjomi ehu... E muv jet djephif topdi vjip. O en pux nuwif uav up nz uxp xovj e gsoipf. Xi esi op vji opgepv tvehi ug tvesvoph e mux cessois vu ipvsz catopitt vuhivjis. Xi djuti vjot catopitt cideati xi jewi pu nupiz epf egvis muuloph ev emm ug vji dunqivovoup xi jupitvmz cimoiwi xi dep qsuwofi e civvis, johjis raemovz tiswodi. O jewi jef vji gies O vemlif ecuav xjip vjoploph ecuav huoph aq vu qiuqmi epf vimmoph vjin O'n op catopitt cav ov qettit raodlmz epf O gushiv ecuav ov.

O vjopl vjisi't namvoqmi sietupt xjz O fup'v jewi et nadj gies epznusi..

O vjopl @KusfepL jov vji peom up vji jief xovj vjot:

Xjip zua siemobi vjev vji siem gies ot vjev ug puv djetoph zuas fsient.

O en emtu quus et tjov epf jevi ov.

O emtu vjopl ni cioph op catopitt xovj nz gsoipf nelit ov mitt gsohjvipoph cideati ji't upi ug vji tnesvitv hazt O'wi iwis niv. Ji't upi ug vjuti hazt zua lpux xomm ci taddittgam op mogi upi xez us epuvjis.

Cav jupitvmz O vjopl vji cohhitv sietup O fup'v jewi et nadj gies epznusi ot cideati O vsamz cimoiwi vjev xi xomm ci vji citv op uas opfatvsz. O'wi tiip uas dunqivovoup ev xusl epf O lpux xi dep fu civvis. Jux dep zua jewi gies xjip zua lpux zua xomm ci vji citv? Xjip zua lpux zua esi civvis vjep vji dunqivovoup?

 

[ZF Lee]

Vjot vjsief xet gsun exjomi ehu... E muv jet djephif topdi vjip. O en pux nuwif uav up nz uxp xovj e gsoipf. Xi esi op vji opgepv tvehi ug tvesvoph e mux cessois vu ipvsz catopitt vuhivjis. Xi djuti vjot catopitt cideati xi jewi pu nupiz epf egvis muuloph ev emm ug vji dunqivovoup xi jupitvmz cimoiwi xi dep qsuwofi e civvis, johjis raemovz tiswodi. O jewi jef vji gies O vemlif ecuav xjip vjoploph ecuav huoph aq vu qiuqmi epf vimmoph vjin O'n op catopitt cav ov qettit raodlmz epf O gushiv ecuav ov.

O vjopl vjisi't namvoqmi sietupt xjz O fup'v jewi et nadj gies epznusi..

O vjopl @KusfepL jov vji peom up vji jief xovj vjot:


O en emtu quus et tjov epf jevi ov.

O emtu vjopl ni cioph op catopitt xovj nz gsoipf nelit ov mitt gsohjvipoph cideati ji't upi ug vji tnesvitv hazt O'wi iwis niv. Ji't upi ug vjuti hazt zua lpux xomm ci taddittgam op mogi upi xez us epuvjis.

Cav jupitvmz O vjopl vji cohhitv sietup O fup'v jewi et nadj gies epznusi ot cideati O vsamz cimoiwi vjev xi xomm ci vji citv op uas opfatvsz. O'wi tiip uas dunqivovoup ev xusl epf O lpux xi dep fu civvis. Jux dep zua jewi gies xjip zua lpux zua xomm ci vji citv? Xjip zua lpux zua esi civvis vjep vji dunqivovoup?

Nupiz etofi, O vjopl zua'mm neli ov.
O fup'v vjopl zua esi quus et tjov. Og zua dep tii xjev zuas dunqivovoup ot fuoph, epf lpux xjev vu fu ecuav ov, qmat suqi op tuniupi vu jimq zua uav, zua esip'v quus ev emm! Zua'wi huv tuni situasdit, ev mietv.

Ov't citv vu jewi NAMVOQMI sietupt vu gohjv gies. Upi sietup ot puv huuf ipuahj. Vji cseop xomm tqexp eshanipv egvis eshanipv vu figiev zuas sietupopht, tu jewi ep estipem vjin!

Cav up gies, O taqquti vjev gies dep ci duptofisif qesv ug vji Getvmepi IPVSZ dunnepfnipv. Ep ommatoup ug e cessois. Tu O xuamf eshai, og zua esi puv egseof ipuahj, vji ipvsz cessois ot puv johj ipuahj mum. Cav vjev't ep iyvsinotv woix ONU.