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<div class="bbWrapper">here are two jokes that my son came home with a couple of days ago,<br /> <br /> why are womens feet smaller that mens.....<br /> <br /> so the can stand closer to the stove<br /> <br /> and<br /> <br /> want to hear a joke? . . . womens wrights</div>
 
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<div class="bbWrapper"><blockquote data-attributes="" data-quote="razda" data-source="post: 138064" class="bbCodeBlock bbCodeBlock--expandable bbCodeBlock--quote js-expandWatch"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-title"> <a href="/community/goto/post?id=138064" class="bbCodeBlock-sourceJump" rel="nofollow" data-xf-click="attribution" data-content-selector="#post-138064">razda said:</a> </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-content"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandContent js-expandContent "> here are two jokes that my son came home with a couple of days ago,<br /> <br /> why are womens feet smaller that mens.....<br /> <br /> so the can stand closer to the stove<br /> <br /> and<br /> <br /> want to hear a joke? . . . womens wrights </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandLink js-expandLink"><a role="button" tabindex="0">Click to expand...</a></div> </div> </blockquote> <br /> What country do you live in Razda?<br /> <br /> Neither of those would be considered funny in my part of the world!<br /> <br /> -Russ H.</div>
 
<div class="bbWrapper"><blockquote data-attributes="" data-quote="topherea" data-source="post: 135631" class="bbCodeBlock bbCodeBlock--expandable bbCodeBlock--quote js-expandWatch"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-title"> <a href="/community/goto/post?id=135631" class="bbCodeBlock-sourceJump" rel="nofollow" data-xf-click="attribution" data-content-selector="#post-135631">topherea said:</a> </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-content"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandContent js-expandContent "> What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians?<br /> <br /> <br /> A drummer<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> How do you get the drummer off of your porch?<br /> <br /> <br /> Pay him for the pizza </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandLink js-expandLink"><a role="button" tabindex="0">Click to expand...</a></div> </div> </blockquote> <br /> <br /> As a drummer i do not find this offensive.</div>
 
<div class="bbWrapper"><blockquote data-attributes="" data-quote="topherea" data-source="post: 135631" class="bbCodeBlock bbCodeBlock--expandable bbCodeBlock--quote js-expandWatch"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-title"> <a href="/community/goto/post?id=135631" class="bbCodeBlock-sourceJump" rel="nofollow" data-xf-click="attribution" data-content-selector="#post-135631">topherea said:</a> </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-content"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandContent js-expandContent "> What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians?<br /> <br /> <br /> A drummer<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> How do you get the drummer off of your porch?<br /> <br /> <br /> Pay him for the pizza </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandLink js-expandLink"><a role="button" tabindex="0">Click to expand...</a></div> </div> </blockquote> <br /> As an ex-pizza driver, I do not find this offensive, either. <img src="/community/imgs/emoticons/em-wink.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" data-shortname=";)" /><br /> <br /> -Russ H.</div>
 
<div class="bbWrapper"><blockquote data-attributes="" data-quote="Russ H" data-source="post: 138083" class="bbCodeBlock bbCodeBlock--expandable bbCodeBlock--quote js-expandWatch"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-title"> <a href="/community/goto/post?id=138083" class="bbCodeBlock-sourceJump" rel="nofollow" data-xf-click="attribution" data-content-selector="#post-138083">Russ H said:</a> </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-content"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandContent js-expandContent "> What country do you live in Razda?<br /> <br /> Neither of those would be considered funny in my part of the world!<br /> <br /> -Russ H. </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandLink js-expandLink"><a role="button" tabindex="0">Click to expand...</a></div> </div> </blockquote> <br /> It really depends who you tell the joke to Russ hahah.</div>
 
<div class="bbWrapper"><blockquote data-attributes="" data-quote="Gaulkin" data-source="post: 138086" class="bbCodeBlock bbCodeBlock--expandable bbCodeBlock--quote js-expandWatch"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-title"> <a href="/community/goto/post?id=138086" class="bbCodeBlock-sourceJump" rel="nofollow" data-xf-click="attribution" data-content-selector="#post-138086">Gaulkin said:</a> </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-content"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandContent js-expandContent "> As a drummer i do not find this offensive. </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandLink js-expandLink"><a role="button" tabindex="0">Click to expand...</a></div> </div> </blockquote> <br /> <blockquote data-attributes="" data-quote="Russ H" data-source="post: 138103" class="bbCodeBlock bbCodeBlock--expandable bbCodeBlock--quote js-expandWatch"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-title"> <a href="/community/goto/post?id=138103" class="bbCodeBlock-sourceJump" rel="nofollow" data-xf-click="attribution" data-content-selector="#post-138103">Russ H said:</a> </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-content"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandContent js-expandContent "> As an ex-pizza driver, I do not find this offensive, either. <img src="/community/imgs/emoticons/em-wink.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" data-shortname=";)" /><br /> <br /> -Russ H. </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandLink js-expandLink"><a role="button" tabindex="0">Click to expand...</a></div> </div> </blockquote> <br /> As a pizza buyer, I am deeply offended to find out that there have been drummers on my porch.</div>
 
<div class="bbWrapper">Did you hear about the guitarist who was in tune ?<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Neither did I<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> What do you call a guitarist who breaks up with his girlfriend ?<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Homeless<br /> <br /> <br /> :smx1:</div>
 
<div class="bbWrapper">You might be a B &amp; B owner...<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> If you have a 5000 square foot home and you live in 500 square foot of it <br /> <br /> If it&#039;s been six months since you opened a new roll of toilet paper or bar of soap for yourself <br /> <br /> If you tend to refer to folks by their room names instead of their given names <br /> <br /> If you make a belly-buster breakfast every day, but never eat it<br /> <br /> If your partner can &quot;Name That Story&quot; as soon as you start it<br /> <br /> If people usually ask what you used to do... when you used to work<br /> <br /> If all your free time falls between noon and three <br /> <br /> If finding someone else&#039;s lace panties isn&#039;t grounds for divorce<br /> <br /> If you&#039;re regularly asked to predict the weather three months in advance<br /> <br /> If your water and electrical usage exceeds that of a small nation<br /> <br /> If stain removal is an art<br /> <br /> If there are written instructions anywhere in your home (and you don&#039;t have teenagers)<br /> <br /> If you consistently vacuum your way backwards out of a room<br /> <br /> If people pay you to take your picture<br /> <br /> If, when you&#039;re out for dinner, you order dessert and then find yourself figuring out how to duplicate it for breakfast<br /> <br /> If you have named or numbered your bedrooms<br /> <br /> If pictures of your bedrooms are displayed on the internet<br /> <br /> If the recycling guy thinks you have an orange juice addiction<br /> <br /> If there are five copies of every magazine in your house<br /> <br /> If you have ever given instructions to anyone about how to use any plumbing fixture in your bathroom<br /> <br /> If you find yourself explaining, once a week, what a grit is.<br /> <br /> If you&#039;re used to &#039;talking them in&#039; and you&#039;re not an air traffic controller<br /> <br /> If you have at least one backup bedspread, four coffee pots and yours is the only house on the block where Sysco stops<br /> <br /> If people pay to sleep in your bed and your profession isn&#039;t THAT old<br /> <br /> If you can make three varieties of stuffed French toast in your sleep with one hand tied behind your back<br /> <br /> If your new Neptune is more exciting than your new car<br /> <br /> If your favorite fantasies are about competent cleaning help and a good nap<br /> <br /> If &quot;No Vacancy&quot; can prevent your mother-in-law from visiting</div>
 
<div class="bbWrapper">For this, I thank you. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tiphat.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tiphat:" title="Tip Hat :tiphat:" data-shortname=":tiphat:" /><br /> <br /> Read it to my wife as she was heading off to bed-- and we both laughed at how true many of them are! <img src="/community/imgs/emoticons/em-smile2.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-shortname=":)" /><br /> <br /> -Russ H.<br /> <br /> (who once was a <a href="http://www.diynetwork.com/videos/alex-trebeks-home-theater/6463.html" target="_blank" class="link link--external" rel="noopener">famous screening room designer</a>, &quot;back when I used to work&quot;) <span class="smilie smilie--emoji" title="Roll Eyes :rolleyes:" data-smilie="11" data-shortname=":rolleyes:">🙄</span></div>
 
<div class="bbWrapper"><blockquote data-attributes="" data-quote="topherea" data-source="post: 138134" class="bbCodeBlock bbCodeBlock--expandable bbCodeBlock--quote js-expandWatch"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-title"> <a href="/community/goto/post?id=138134" class="bbCodeBlock-sourceJump" rel="nofollow" data-xf-click="attribution" data-content-selector="#post-138134">topherea said:</a> </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-content"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandContent js-expandContent "> You might be a B &amp; B owner if...<br /> <br /> ... you have a 5000 square foot home and you live with the paint cans in a corner of the basement. </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandLink js-expandLink"><a role="button" tabindex="0">Click to expand...</a></div> </div> </blockquote><br /> (this was true, 4.5 years ago, when we were remodeling the innkeeper&#039;s quarters)<br /> <br /> -Russ H.</div>
 
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<div class="bbWrapper"><blockquote data-attributes="" data-quote="topherea" data-source="post: 138134" class="bbCodeBlock bbCodeBlock--expandable bbCodeBlock--quote js-expandWatch"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-title"> <a href="/community/goto/post?id=138134" class="bbCodeBlock-sourceJump" rel="nofollow" data-xf-click="attribution" data-content-selector="#post-138134">topherea said:</a> </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-content"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandContent js-expandContent "> You might be a B &amp; B owner if...<br /> <br /> . . . people pay to sleep in your bed and your profession isn&#039;t THAT old </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandLink js-expandLink"><a role="button" tabindex="0">Click to expand...</a></div> </div> </blockquote> <br /> Actually, there&#039;s a story at least 2000 years old about some innkeepers who let a young Jewish couple stay with them when their inn was full (the gal was very pregnant). <img src="/community/imgs/emoticons/em-wink.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" data-shortname=";)" /><br /> <br /> OK, enough self indulgent derailment. I realize I&#039;m probably the only person who has enjoyed the last few posts. I do appreciate it.<br /> <br /> We now return you to your regularly scheduled jokes . . . <img src="/community/imgs/emoticons/em-smile2.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-shortname=":)" /><br /> <br /> -Russ H.</div>
 
<div class="bbWrapper">[video]http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7107529[/video]<br /> <br /> Local Trader</div>
 
<div class="bbWrapper">I was telling my friend the other day that my dog was really intelligent.<br /> <br /> &quot;OK, then, show me,&quot; he said.<br /> <br /> So I pointed my finger at him as if it were a gun, and went: &quot;BANG!&quot;<br /> <br /> &quot;What does that prove?&quot; asked my friend. &quot;He&#039;s just sitting there licking his balls.&quot;<br /> <br /> &quot;Exactly,&quot; I said. &quot;He knows he isn&#039;t really dead&quot;</div>
 
<div class="bbWrapper">Google turned 12 today which means we only have one year left to use it.<br /> <br /> When it becomes a teenager it wont answer anything.</div>
 
<div class="bbWrapper">Old, vintage ads...<br /> <br /> <script class="js-extraPhrases" type="application/json"> { "lightbox_close": "Close", "lightbox_next": "Next", "lightbox_previous": "Previous", "lightbox_error": "The requested content cannot be loaded. Please try again later.", "lightbox_start_slideshow": "Start slideshow", "lightbox_stop_slideshow": "Stop slideshow", "lightbox_full_screen": "Full screen", "lightbox_thumbnails": "Thumbnails", "lightbox_download": "Download", "lightbox_share": "Share", "lightbox_zoom": "Zoom", "lightbox_new_window": "New window", "lightbox_toggle_sidebar": "Toggle sidebar" } </script> <div class="bbImageWrapper js-lbImage" title="ad_projector_604x500.jpg" data-src="/community/proxy.php?image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.foxnews.com%2Fstatic%2Fmanaged%2Fimg%2FEntertainment%2F2010%2Fad_projector_604x500.jpg&amp;hash=db1def2507f2dfb6b9de4de8b15a7816" data-lb-sidebar-href="" data-lb-caption-extra-html="" data-single-image="1"> <img src="/community/proxy.php?image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.foxnews.com%2Fstatic%2Fmanaged%2Fimg%2FEntertainment%2F2010%2Fad_projector_604x500.jpg&amp;hash=db1def2507f2dfb6b9de4de8b15a7816" data-url="http://www.foxnews.com/static/managed/img/Entertainment/2010/ad_projector_604x500.jpg" class="bbImage" data-zoom-target="1" style="" alt="ad_projector_604x500.jpg" title="" width="" height="" loading="lazy" /> </div><br /> <br /> <img src="/community/imgs/emoticons/em-rofl.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":rofl:" title="ROFL :rofl:" data-shortname=":rofl:" /><br /> <br /> Kinda hard to watch the movie after your eyes have been poked out.</div>
 
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<div class="bbWrapper">I can&#039;t even imagine the torque she got from swinging a tennis racket !</div>
 
<div class="bbWrapper"><blockquote data-attributes="" data-quote="PhxMJ" data-source="post: 140214" class="bbCodeBlock bbCodeBlock--expandable bbCodeBlock--quote js-expandWatch"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-title"> <a href="/community/goto/post?id=140214" class="bbCodeBlock-sourceJump" rel="nofollow" data-xf-click="attribution" data-content-selector="#post-140214">PhxMJ said:</a> </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-content"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandContent js-expandContent "> <img src="/community/imgs/emoticons/em-rofl.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":rofl:" title="ROFL :rofl:" data-shortname=":rofl:" /><br /> <br /> Kinda hard to watch the movie after your eyes have been poked out. </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandLink js-expandLink"><a role="button" tabindex="0">Click to expand...</a></div> </div> </blockquote> <br /> Movie?<br /> What movie?</div>
 
<div class="bbWrapper"><div class="bbImageWrapper js-lbImage" title="theWAREHOUSE_comic_062.jpg" data-src="/community/proxy.php?image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.warehousecomic.com%2Fcomic%2FtheWAREHOUSE_comic_062.jpg&amp;hash=fd1b021a91fb1b10f80ae77fc452d4ab" data-lb-sidebar-href="" data-lb-caption-extra-html="" data-single-image="1"> <img src="/community/proxy.php?image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.warehousecomic.com%2Fcomic%2FtheWAREHOUSE_comic_062.jpg&amp;hash=fd1b021a91fb1b10f80ae77fc452d4ab" data-url="http://www.warehousecomic.com/comic/theWAREHOUSE_comic_062.jpg" class="bbImage" data-zoom-target="1" style="" alt="theWAREHOUSE_comic_062.jpg" title="" width="" height="" loading="lazy" /> </div></div>
 
<div class="bbWrapper">My wife has been missing now for over a week, and the police have told me to prepare for the worst.<br /> <br /> So I went to the Salvation Army to get all her clothes back.</div>
 
<div class="bbWrapper">A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” <br /> <br /> Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”</div>
 
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<div class="bbWrapper">A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, &quot;This is your lucky night. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words.&quot; The guy replies, &quot;Hey, why not?&quot; He pulls his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three one-hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says slowly: &quot;Paint…my…house.&quot;</div>
 
<div class="bbWrapper"><div class="bbImageWrapper js-lbImage" title="attachment.php" data-src="/community/proxy.php?image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.elitetrader.com%2Fvb%2Fattachment.php%3Fs%3D%26postid%3D3009635&amp;hash=98ea39fe40016734bdad49e92da6f0df" data-lb-sidebar-href="" data-lb-caption-extra-html="" data-single-image="1"> <img src="/community/proxy.php?image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.elitetrader.com%2Fvb%2Fattachment.php%3Fs%3D%26postid%3D3009635&amp;hash=98ea39fe40016734bdad49e92da6f0df" data-url="http://www.elitetrader.com/vb/attachment.php?s=&amp;postid=3009635" class="bbImage" data-zoom-target="1" style="" alt="attachment.php" title="" width="" height="" loading="lazy" /> </div></div>
 
<div class="bbWrapper">Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Fo&#039; drizzle.</div>
 
<div class="bbWrapper"><div class="bbImageWrapper js-lbImage" title="17662_image.gif" data-src="/community/proxy.php?image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.creators.com%2Feditorial_cartoons%2F13%2F17662_image.gif&amp;hash=8c574aa42f7eb873db7586ac95239426" data-lb-sidebar-href="" data-lb-caption-extra-html="" data-single-image="1"> <img src="/community/proxy.php?image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.creators.com%2Feditorial_cartoons%2F13%2F17662_image.gif&amp;hash=8c574aa42f7eb873db7586ac95239426" data-url="http://www.creators.com/editorial_cartoons/13/17662_image.gif" class="bbImage" data-zoom-target="1" style="" alt="17662_image.gif" title="" width="" height="" loading="lazy" /> </div></div>
 
<div class="bbWrapper">Slowlane gurus<br /> <br /> <div class="bbImageWrapper js-lbImage" title="MRComic2.jpg" data-src="/community/proxy.php?image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.moneyreasons.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2010%2F10%2FMRComic2.jpg&amp;hash=2d1e868bf17945ca73b6a68df7f983f1" data-lb-sidebar-href="" data-lb-caption-extra-html="" data-single-image="1"> <img src="/community/proxy.php?image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.moneyreasons.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2010%2F10%2FMRComic2.jpg&amp;hash=2d1e868bf17945ca73b6a68df7f983f1" data-url="http://www.moneyreasons.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/MRComic2.jpg" class="bbImage" data-zoom-target="1" style="" alt="MRComic2.jpg" title="" width="" height="" loading="lazy" /> </div></div>
 
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<div class="bbWrapper">[video=youtube;PTUY16CkS-k]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTUY16CkS-k [/video]</div>
 
<div class="bbWrapper"><div class="bbImageWrapper js-lbImage" title="crying.png" data-src="/community/proxy.php?image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.explosm.net%2Fdb%2Ffiles%2FComics%2FRob%2Fcrying.png&amp;hash=9644057b2d77a24af5286d3d70a7470e" data-lb-sidebar-href="" data-lb-caption-extra-html="" data-single-image="1"> <img src="/community/proxy.php?image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.explosm.net%2Fdb%2Ffiles%2FComics%2FRob%2Fcrying.png&amp;hash=9644057b2d77a24af5286d3d70a7470e" data-url="http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Rob/crying.png" class="bbImage" data-zoom-target="1" style="" alt="crying.png" title="" width="" height="" loading="lazy" /> </div></div>
 
<div class="bbWrapper"><div class="bbImageWrapper js-lbImage" title="attachment.php" data-src="/community/proxy.php?image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.elitetrader.com%2Fvb%2Fattachment.php%3Fs%3D%26postid%3D3025321&amp;hash=6a30fcf713aa723ff6683e05edecfed9" data-lb-sidebar-href="" data-lb-caption-extra-html="" data-single-image="1"> <img src="/community/proxy.php?image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.elitetrader.com%2Fvb%2Fattachment.php%3Fs%3D%26postid%3D3025321&amp;hash=6a30fcf713aa723ff6683e05edecfed9" data-url="http://www.elitetrader.com/vb/attachment.php?s=&amp;postid=3025321" class="bbImage" data-zoom-target="1" style="" alt="attachment.php" title="" width="" height="" loading="lazy" /> </div></div>
 
<div class="bbWrapper">Hey guys, did you hear about the deaf guy who was sentenced to 20 years in prison?<br /> <br /> I guess they gave him a <i><b>bad hearing!</b></i></div>
 
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