Identity Hacking: How to Kill Your Status Quo

[MJ DeMarco]

Do you want to change your current situation?

Then change your identity to a GROWTH IDENTITY from a STATUS QUO IDENTITY.

A STATUS QUO IDENTITY is what you are.

"I'm an engineer at Intel and someday would like to quit to start my own business."​

A GROWTH IDENTITY is what you want to become, not what you are.

"I'm an entrepreneur who works at Intel."​

KEY CONCEPT: Your self identity works to be congruent with reality. If the identity = reality then the status quo will remain the status quo.

Conversely, when there is incongruence, the status quo violates your identity and you will ACT to change it. You will be more likely to work daily to make it congruent. If your identity is congruent with the status quo, your action then becomes a matter of convenience. In other words, you most likely will NOT change. You will ALWAYS be "an engineer at Intel who would like to quit someday and start a business."

In my 400+ page book, UNSCRIPTED, the concept of identity hacking is a difficult find: It's found in the part about meaning and purpose, specifically, page 197.

In my life, I've ALWAYS self-identified as an entrepreneur since my teens and it helped me make that identity into a reality.

Whatever my future goals might be, I know I will use this identity hack to make it happen.

Screenwriter? I'm a screenwriter, not an aspiring screenwriter.
Options trader? I'm an options trader, not an aspiring trader.
Comedian? I'm a comedian, not an aspiring comedian.

Hack your identity and then prove it daily with action to what you will become.

 

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[GuestUser4aMPs1]

Love it MJ. Got me thinking about a few things.

Identity definitely drives behavior, for better or worse. Once you know this, you begin to be a lot more careful about what you tell yourself and how you present that identity to others. As a side note, sometimes implanting a new identity or sharing it can be difficult and people can get hung up on it.

One of these hangups is Affirmations.
No matter how many times you shout "I AM RICH" into a mirror, it may not be an effective way to implant a new growth identity.

So, one similar method I've used to combat this problem and implant a new identity is to literally imagine that you are a multi-million dollar entrepreneur who lost everything and had to start from scratch.

What do you do now?

What are your first steps?

It's a subtle distinction, but from that standpoint the path becomes incredibly clear.
It's not just identifying as an entrepreneur, but using identity to provoke action
(as in pretending you are a successful entrepreneur who lost everything).

 

[Chromozone]

Resonates with me so much.

One thing I was actually of thinking of when reading Unscripted was how a lot of second generation immigrants (like myself) develop a mentality that allows us to accept that we are different. As a result a lot of us do things which society deems wrong or weird - like starting a business or striving to live the unscripted life.

I think it's because of identity hacking while growing up. A lot of regular folk, who fit in all their lives and have a comfortable upbringing don't ever feel that they're "different". And when they do actually do something which is different they're told by society or their parents that "being different is ok". However, these same kids then see their parents and everyone around them trying to fit in and live the Scripted life.

When you're a second generation immigrant, you don't fit in, you have different habits. Heck, I couldn't even speak English when I started primary school and I still remember sitting by myself at lunch time wishing I could fit in. The thing is though that when my parents and their friends said it's "ok to be different", I could see in their actions that it actually was (they were congruent in their actions and words).

I feel like my parents, family and their friends hacked my identity and made me believe that it's ok to live Unscripted .

I don't see any reason why people can't make a concerted effort to hack themselves in this way, or to get to know people who are living Unscripted to change their own reality.

 

[MetalGear]

I really needed to read all of this.

I don't tell most people that I'm an entrepreneur simply because they start spewing their venom about the challenges and obstacles, without providing helpful feedback or solutions. These people are called energy vampires.

I keep telling myself that I'm an entrepreneur posing as an office drone.

The SCRIPT painfully reveals itself to you on your journey, especially once you step outside of the SCRIPT.

 

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[G-Man]

What am I missing here?

Here's the way I think of this. In a weird way, in my experience, both are necessary. Like @MrSterlock pointed out, there's a chicken and egg conundrum here. For whatever reason, here's the life experience that jumps to mind:

I was a timid and chubby kid. My dad convinced me to join an MMA gym (before MMA was a national phenomenon and the gyms were douchebag factories). Old man figured it could fix the timid and chubby thing in one go. It did. I got chubby again later, but we'll leave that for another day.

So, gym rules is that once you've been there for a solid month you have to spar if you wanna stay. I was terrified. I talked to myself on the drive over, the whole time sitting against the wall waiting my turn, convincing myself I could fight this kid. I convinced myself to get on the mat with him.

He beat my a$$.

But that's not the moral of the story. All these years later, I still vividly remember the moment after he landed a heavy right. I remember the slow-mo surprise, and I remember being surprised at myself.... I was still on my feet. I took my 3 round beating and was really no worse for wear. From then on, I thought of myself as a guy who could fight. It cemented from self-talk to real experience that, if nothing else, I could get hit in the face and not go down. I could get taken down and not tap out.

Sure, it was the experience that made it really real. But I would have never had the experience if I hadn't talked myself into it being real to begin with. Ironically, I convinced myself I could win, got my a$$ beat, and the experience of surviving the a$$ beating is what kept me going.

That's a little rambling, but we are talking chicken and egg here. Self talk is important. I used to think it was bullshit. Not so much anymore.

 

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[MidwestLandlord]

Maybe I dont get it, but this seems backwards to me.

I'm an entrepreneur. How do I know I am?

Because I take the actions of an entrepreneur.

For me, the action comes first. If I want to change how I identify myself, I take action that is congruent with that identity FIRST...which makes it true.

I'm an entrepreneur not because I say I am, but because I DO IT.

I realize language matters, especially our internal language, but I'm not sure how to use that internal language to affect change.

What am I missing here?

 

[MJ DeMarco]

One way to really make this "identity hack" official would be to tell people who you are.

I've actually told people I trade options for a living because I wasn't in the mood to be discussing business. I knew saying "options" would make them immediately check out of the topic. Ha Ha, I just wanted to be left alone.

I feel like nowadays so many people say "I am an entrepreneur" why? What do you do? They say they are but what actions do they take?

I think a lot of those people are still working out their failures. I told people I was an entrepreneur for 10 years before my entrepreneurship actually put food on the table.

 

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[c_morris]

I'm an entrepreneur. How do I know I am?

Because I take the actions of an entrepreneur.

Reminds me of this quote:


“It's easier to act your way into a new way of thinking, than think your way into a new way of acting.”

― Jerry Sternin, The Power of Positive Deviance: How Unlikely Innovators Solve the World's Toughest Problems

 

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[MitchM]

I think that UnrealCreative is right when he says that many will need to make it more than just an affirmation in order for it to an effective identity hack. I would go as far as to say that some people probably need to make it more than simple imagination altogether.

One way to really make this "identity hack" official would be to tell people who you are. Anytime you meet someone new you tell them "I'm an entrepreneur." Even to family and friends that you already know - if they ask what you've been up to lately or how you've been - find a way to squeeze in your new identity. This adds the social pressure to live up to the identity. And one thing is for certain: social pressure is the strongest force when it comes to making us act congruent to an established identity.

I've been traveling the past several months and I've always told people that I am an entrepreneur when they ask me what I do. I've even become very close to some of these people and let me tell you, I can feel the pressure to conform to these expectations. To not be a phony. To live up to an image that I've created. If you want to put some fire under your a$$ my experience tells me that this will work for you too.

 

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[MidwestLandlord]

Self talk is important. I used to think it was bullshit. Not so much anymore.

I used to think this too. Then I talked myself into a pit of despair about 18 months ago and realized that 1) I don't have very good control of my mind and emotions and, 2) I'm an a**hole to myself.

That's why this topic interests me, cause I have some pretty messed up identities related to certain things haha.

Your story made a lot of sense. It really is a chicken and egg thing. I guess you can't have an egg without a chicken, and you can't have a chicken without an egg...

 

[Get Right]

Nice post MJ! Identity hacking really does work. I've done it a few times now.

 

[eagleye101]

This is a huge topic and it goes deep.
After reading the section about identity shift in the Unscripted book, I was reminded of something I knew but forgot.

I use to be a smokeer.
One day, September of 2013 I was smoking a cigarette. Suddently, it felt like shit. The taste, the smell, the dizziness. And I thought "why the f* am I doing this to myself? I hate it and it costs health, money and bad breath"

So I put it off. It was one moment of clearity, an AHA moment, an identity shift. It's been 4 year and I haven't smoked once, even if I was smoking since a teenager.

Experiencing an identity shift, is totally different from "knowing" it.

I have a day-job. I've been working here for 14yrs. It's been 14yrs of identity building!

I've had entrepreneurial experience. I've made money. But my identity remains. I am an employee that does entrepreneurial activities. It is hard to see the truth in the eyes.

I called my best friend which was reading Unscripted at the same time as me. He was an employee, he started a business but then quit to go back to another job. I told him "this is it" right there. This is our problem. Our identity has built strong towards the script.

You cannot have an identity shift in your head. You have to feel it in your heart, you have to feel your body shake. You cannot have an identity shift and be the same person anymore. You have to become "not me". Inside, your whole being has to shout "THIS IS NOT ME!"

Every limitation we experince within the script is a limitation of our mind.

 

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[BrooklynHustle]

Love it! No value in the word *aspiring*

DELETE!

Reminds me a lot of what Tom Bilyeu (Founder of Quest Nutrition) often discusses (to paraphrase):

1. Decide who you want to become
2. Reverse engineer the path to get there
3. Pay the price via Kinetic Execution

Do you want to change your current situation?

Then change your identity to a GROWTH IDENTITY from a STATUS QUO IDENTITY.

A STATUS QUO IDENTITY is what you are.

"I'm an engineer at Intel and someday would like to quit to start my own business."​

A GROWTH IDENTITY is what you want to become, not what you are.

"I'm an entrepreneur who works at Intel."​

KEY CONCEPT: Your self identity works to be congruent with reality. If the identity = reality then the status quo will remain the status quo.

Conversely, when their is incongruence, the status quo violates your identity and you will ACT to change it. You will be more likely to work daily to make it congruent. If your identity is congruent with the status quo, your action then becomes a matter of convenience. In other words, you most likely will NOT change. You will ALWAYS be "an engineer at Intel who would like to quit someday and start a business."

In my 400+ page book, UNSCRIPTED, the concept of identity hacking is a difficult find: It's found in the part about meaning and purpose, specifically, page 197.

In my life, I've ALWAYS self-identified as an entrepreneur since my teens and it helped me make that identity into a reality.

Whatever my future goals might be, I know I will use this identity hack to make it happen.

Screenwriter? I'm a screenwriter, not an aspiring screenwriter.
Options trader? I'm an options trader, not an aspiring trader.
Comedian? I'm a comedian, not an aspiring comedian.

Hack your identity and then prove it daily with action to what you will become.

View attachment 15336

 

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[AndrewNC]

Comedian? I'm a comedian, not an aspiring comedian.

This made me laugh.

Maybe I dont get it, but this seems backwards to me.

I'm an entrepreneur. How do I know I am?

Because I take the actions of an entrepreneur.

For me, the action comes first. If I want to change how I identify myself, I take action that is congruent with that identity FIRST...which makes it true.

I'm an entrepreneur not because I say I am, but because I DO IT.

I realize language matters, especially our internal language, but I'm not sure how to use that internal language to affect change.

What am I missing here?

Andrew's Law of Attraction Lesson of the Day
"You don't attract what you want, you attract what you are."

When you look outside of you, you realize that universe is a reflection of who you are. When I decided that I want to be and NLP teacher, someone messaged me a few days later asking me to mentor them in NLP, out of nowhere, before I even put a sales page up for that kind of offer years ago.

When you identify yourself and feel, and breathe every essence of being a successful entrepreneur, the universe outside of you aligns with who you are on the inside; and opportunities/money attract to you, and flow to you easily and effortlessly....with abundance

You are the magnet. When you take action, the magnet is stronger, but the magnet of who you are is what pulls people and opportunities to you in the first place.

Before you took action, you first decided to be the person who takes action.

Being.
Doing.
Having.

#lawofattraction

 

[MitchM]

Maybe I dont get it, but this seems backwards to me.

I'm an entrepreneur. How do I know I am?

Because I take the actions of an entrepreneur.

For me, the action comes first. If I want to change how I identify myself, I take action that is congruent with that identity FIRST...which makes it true.

I'm an entrepreneur not because I say I am, but because I DO IT.

I realize language matters, especially our internal language, but I'm not sure how to use that internal language to affect change.

What am I missing here?

I think that it completely depends on the circumstances. There are people who simply won't take action because it doesn't align with their identity. I think that action/identity is a real chicken and egg scenario where both will feed into each-other. The point is that one of these must change in order for anything to happen, and if a person isn't taking action then "identity hacking" may get them there.

 

[PedroG]

Bump. I'm pretty sure this is the reason why I'm not quite there yet.

My wife was just asking me why I refuse to call my business, a "business," and insist on calling it a "project" even though we have paying users.

I tell her that it's because I don't have enough users yet; that I will start calling it a business when I reach a certain amount.

My problem is I hate bullshitters and they're all around me, and I'm afraid of acting like one of them. You know them. The ones that put up a wordpress site and start telling everyone they have a business, and start calling themselves entrepreneurs. There's nothing I hate more.

This causes me to be overly cautious when telling--even myself--what I am. And I know this is holding me back.

For anyone interested in reading more about this topic I highly recommend "Psycho Cybernetics" by Maxwell Maltz.

Where you are in life, what you do, is always consistent with your self-image (identity). If you want to change your results, go to the source and fix your self-image.

I'm really going to put the exercises in that book into practice before moving on to the next book.

 

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[eagleye101]

Thanks, @Danny Sullivan, appreciate it.

eagleye reporting here: Things remain the same! Still an employee, still on the slow lane. Still the same identity!

After some epic discussions with @Andrew J. I came to some conclusions.

The more you educate your self (without apparent reason), the worse! As Mj has pointed, "the best book to read, is the one you need to proceed forward"

I find myself on the part of people that need to read more books, learn more things and spend more time keeping myself busy on things that don't really matter to go Fastlane. Learning more, in this case, spells "comfort zone".

The reason some super expensive programs work is that if you pay someone $10k to teach you about the same things you could learn from a $10 book, you are convincing yourself that you are a kind of person that pays $10k to grow. You are paying, not to learn, but to change your identity.

The smarter you are, the more depths of understanding you have, the hardest it is to change your identity because it has to go deep under your skin and not in your head.

For example, now that I wrote the above paragraph, someone (or me) may read it, understand it and think to him/her self "oh, I am paying to change my identity, I understand it now, I will not do anything instead"

To change your identity (imo) you should go through some deep shocking procedure or like a ritual (The best example coming to mind is the identity shift to people that join cults. They have deep initiation rituals and after that, people from the cults are not the same people. It's like their brain has been re-wired).

So here's an idea @MJ DeMarco
Start a "wealth cult" that is very expensive and will have extra hard rituals to get in, like walking on fire and walking alone in a cemetery chanting pages from Unscripted .

I'm only 70% joking on the above.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

I really needed to read all of this.

I don't tell most people that I'm an entrepreneur simply because they start spewing their venom about the challenges and obstacles, without providing helpful feedback or solutions. These people are called energy vampires.

I keep telling myself that I'm an entrepreneur posing as an office drone. The SCRIPT painfully reveals itself to you on your journey, especially once you step outside of the SCRIPT.

Must watch video, and I'm now happy to understand why I give zero f*cks about celebrities.

 

[Thoelt53]

Is this a good identity?:

"Im an Entrepreneur whos temporarily poor"

How about:

“I’m an entrepreneur who is beginning to build wealth.”

 

[Kruiser]

My wife was just asking me why I refuse to call my business, a "business," and insist on calling it a "project" even though we have paying users.

I tell her that it's because I don't have enough users yet; that I will start calling it a business when I reach a certain amount.

My problem is I hate bullshitters and they're all around me, and I'm afraid of acting like one of them. You know them. The ones that put up a wordpress site and start telling everyone they have a business, and start calling themselves entrepreneurs. There's nothing I hate more.

INTJs have a highly sensitive BS detector, which is both a blessing and a curse. The curse is that we can call BS on our own positive or empowering thoughts, even when they are not actually BS. Part of you says "It's working! It is helping folks! People are paying for it! It is a legitimate business!" Part of you says "BS! We've only got X amount of paying customers and Y amount of monthly revenue. No business yet." I've found Psycho-Cybernetics to be helpful, though I am not quite "cured" yet.

Separately, and this probably doesn't apply to you now, I do think labeling a newish venture as a "project" rather than a "business" can be helpful. It is helpful because it lowers the psychological stakes and makes taking action easier. I know that there can be advantages to being 100% committed, "no dabbling," "I am going to make this work no matter what," etc. But I've found that that approach can raise the stakes too much for me and I freeze and don't take action.

When I started my reasonably successful Amazon FBA business, I told myself (and my wife), "I am just going to mess around with this for a bit, spend up to a few thousand, and see what happens. It probably won't work, but I'll learn some things." This took the pressure off and I found it really easy to act. I know this might be blasphemy to some forum members, but I've found this kind of approach to be helpful for me in the right circumstances.

 

[Danny Sullivan]

I have a day-job. I've been working here for 14yrs. It's been 14yrs of identity building!

I've had entrepreneurial experience. I've made money. But my identity remains. I am an employee that does entrepreneurial activities. It is hard to see the truth in the eyes.

I called my best friend which was reading Unscripted at the same time as me. He was an employee, he started a business but then quit to go back to another job. I told him "this is it" right there. This is our problem. Our identity has built strong towards the script.

You cannot have an identity shift in your head. You have to feel it in your heart, you have to feel your body shake. You cannot have an identity shift and be the same person anymore. You have to become "not me". Inside, your whole being has to shout "THIS IS NOT ME!"

Let me just quote eagleye101's post real quick, because i think it's not getting enough love. Especially the last part is the quintessence to this topic (imo).

I experienced this too lately. I noted that i'm getting quite comfortable with my current day job and started to procrastinate things that i wanted to do today to "tomorrow" or "some day after". Seeing this a my identity locking into me beeing what i'm doing at my day job opens a new way of thinking about this situation.

Thanks MJ and all participants for this thread and the wisdom it accumulates!

 

[c_morris]

I've always told people that I am an entrepreneur when they ask me what I do. I've even become very close to some of these people and let me tell you, I can feel the pressure to conform to these expectations. To not be a phony. To live up to an image that I've created.

This is the biggest hurdle to overcome IMO. I struggle with it constantly and I suspect that this is where a lot of people get stopped, myself included. Once you put it out there, it becomes real. Now your integrity is on the line and most can't deal with that so they don't externalize their thoughts. "If I don't tell you, then you won't know that I failed."

 

[Nekoemon]

Maybe I dont get it, but this seems backwards to me.
I'm an entrepreneur. How do I know I am?
Because I take the actions of an entrepreneur.
For me, the action comes first. If I want to change how I identify myself, I take action that is congruent with that identity FIRST...which makes it true.

Because saying you are something induces to take action to become that something, sometimes just to avoid the imposteur syndrome. It also creates opportunities (meet people) that you wouldn't have had if you had stayed in the "aspiring" lie. Of course identity hack is nothing without the realistic action and work behind, but it's a good kick in the a$$ to start.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Is this a good identity?:

"Im an Entrepreneur whos temporarily poor"

Not bad because it shows your financial situation is temporary.

“I’m an entrepreneur who is beginning to build wealth.”

Yes, better!

 

[Get Right]

I'd be interested to hear more about what kind of "process" you follow in your head when you do this, if you care to share.

For me it is very simple. I just tell people "who" I am, not just "what I am doing". For instance - I tell people I am a developer (real estate). I do this to reinforce (to myself) that I AM a developer.

If I were to use the "status quo" method it would read like: I am an Architect that builds a few houses and starts a few businesses each year.

There is more direction and clarity with identity hacking. It points the direction you are GOING. The later points the direction you have BEEN.

The important part of the mental process is that identity hacking is for YOU. It's not for anyone else. Keep telling yourself you are a "__________" and watch how much easier things work for you. You might even be surprised how much OTHERS help you as well

 

[Contrarian]

This resonates with me.

If I had hacked my identity sooner, I wouldn't have convinced myself to commit to a job masquerading as entrepreneurship...thus short-cutting most of the scary unknowns (and rewards) that go with the territory.

I have a Trello board of all the tasks I need to complete to launch my new venture. Yesterday I sat down, about to call suppliers - and suddenly felt overcome with self-doubt. Then I looked at my Trello board again and felt overwhelmed by all the things I'd have to execute to even get off the starting line. Then I started questioning my premise for the business in the first place.

What if it doesn't work? What if I waste years pursuing a pipe dream? What if I throw away all my hard-earned savings on this for nothing? What about all those flashy VC-funded competitors that are sure to start encroaching on my currently wide-open space any day now?

Then I told myself: this is who I am. This is what I do. Everything significant started insignificantly.

And then I picked up the phone.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Related topic:

Beware! Growth-Killing Identity Labels...

 

[Hai]

Bump. Underrated thread.

Find the right identity and your action goes on highspeed.
Find the wrong identity and you take a detour.
Pick the identity that helps you the most.
The right identity helps you to focus tremendously.

 

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[AndrewNC]

I think that UnrealCreative is right when he says that many will need to make it more than just an affirmation in order for it to an effective identity hack. I would go as far as to say that some people probably need to make it more than simple imagination altogether.

The affirmation is one thing.

Then there is the emotional attachment to the identity you want to shed.

"Affirmations are like taking a pile of dog shit, covering it in frosting, and calling it a cupcake."

What emotional attachments and reminders make you cling onto the old identity, and make you believe for it to still be true?

In Buddhist teachings, they say you must empty the cup before you can fill the cup. Be willing to let go of the old, and realize that's not who you are now, and release the emotional attachments...and this makes room for the new.

That's my experience for shifting identities faster at least.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

Bump.