How to deal with wanting to do so many things at the same time ?

[Djo]

Hi everybody, I hope you're doing great.
I've been struggling lately with wanting to do so many things at the same time, which led me to basically being stuck in my thoughts and doing nothing. I recently started a business, I worked extremely hard for the first 3 weeks to publish the website, I did 15 hours work days. But during all this time, I found myself feeling that this is not the right thing to do right now, I felt that what I really wanted to do now is socialize, make meaningful connections and taking care of my dating life, which is hugely lacking, as well as learning how to dj, because this has always been something I wanted to do. So I shifted my focus from my business and I started putting in the work in other areas, and I found myself feeling doubt about my choice. I am 20 years old. Please, from your experiences, how can I deal with such thing ? Should I just focus temporarily on the secondary things other than my business ? Or should I just ignore all these desires and force myself to work regardless ?

 

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[SpinnerRedPenny]

I felt that what I really wanted to do now is socialize, make meaningful connections and taking care of my dating life

It is completely normal to feel this way. Consider allocating a sensible amount of time to this, and keep an eye out for someone that not only has good character but is supportive of the entrepreneurial lifestyle and your business in particular.

I felt that what I really wanted to do now is [. . . ] learn[] how to dj, because this has always been something I wanted to do

Is this likely to support any of your short-, medium-, or long-term financial/business goals? If not, consider putting this on hold until you've reached financial independence. Once you're there, you will have plenty of time to devote to this as a hobby. If you enjoy doing it enough and can do it well enough to get gigs and earn a reasonable amount, it could fit into your portfolio. But if it requires too much sacrifice and jeopardizes a successful business start, it's probably a better time value to focus on the business for now.

 

[Djo]

It is completely normal to feel this way. Consider allocating a sensible amount of time to this, and keep an eye out for someone that not only has good character but is supportive of the entrepreneurial lifestyle and your business in particular.

Is this likely to support any of your short-, medium-, or long-term financial/business goals? If not, consider putting this on hold until you've reached financial independence. Once you're there, you will have plenty of time to devote to this as a hobby. If you enjoy doing it enough and can do it well enough to get gigs and earn a reasonable amount, it could fit into your portfolio. But if it requires too much sacrifice and jeopardizes a successful business start, it's probably a better time value to focus on the business for now.

Thanks for the advice. You are completely right, I don't think djing will have any benefit for me right now, and if I'm being completely honest with myself, I'm probably doing it just because because I want to participate in the party / socializing scene. Everything I want to do other than business really comes down to socializing, making meaningful connections and having experiences worth telling, so as you said I'll be allocating some time for that.

 

[Mikkel]

Figure out what is most important to you. How important is starting a business and making it become successful? Your business lives and dies by you, no one else will build your business for you. You will have to make sacrifices in life as there are only so many hours in a day.

My guess is this, without knowing you, you probably haven't had an FTE, or you probably wouldn't be caring about social life and dating. It seems like you want to be successful, but not bad enough that it is all-consuming.

In general, having a well-balanced life is important. You will see people on this forum talking about all sorts of things that are important to succeed, including health, wealth, spirituality, and relationships. Unfortunately, it is quite difficult to start up and succeed at all of these at the same time. So you may have to make some sacrifices. Those sacrifices are up to you. Typically, being that this is an entrepreneurial forum, most guys focus on business first, then everything else later. Though there are some guys who will start with health(gym and nutrition) first. There is no right or wrong way, it is your life.

Just know that we here are biased toward focusing on starting your business... because that is what this forum is all about.

 

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[Aidan04]

Figure out what is most important to you. How important is starting a business and making it become successful? Your business lives and dies by you, no one else will build your business for you. You will have to make sacrifices in life as there are only so many hours in a day.

My guess is this, without knowing you, you probably haven't had an FTE, or you probably wouldn't be caring about social life and dating. It seems like you want to be successful, but not bad enough that it is all-consuming.

In general, having a well-balanced life is important. You will see people on this forum talking about all sorts of things that are important to succeed, including health, wealth, spirituality, and relationships. Unfortunately, it is quite difficult to start up and succeed at all of these at the same time. So you may have to make some sacrifices. Those sacrifices are up to you. Typically, being that this is an entrepreneurial forum, most guys focus on business first, then everything else later. Though there are some guys who will start with health(gym and nutrition) first. There is no right or wrong way, it is your life.

Just know that we here are biased toward focusing on starting your business... because that is what this forum is all about.

Mikkel is always here with the wisdom.

 

[Keith.Buhler]

I recently started a business, I worked extremely hard for the first 3 weeks to publish the website, I did 15 hours work days. But during all this time, I found myself feeling that this is not the right thing to do right now,

Brother, I am 40 now and felt the same way at 20. I started a business and "worked extremely hard" meaning 6 hours a day, 4 days a week lol.

My advice is to do *something* consistent every day. Focus on process. For example, I listen to the Happiness Podcast every day (Dr. Robert Puff) in the morning. I decided to stick with this every day no matter what else happens -- I started this 6 years ago and have never stopped.

That consistency, a tiny nugget of consistency, has become the nucleus of a "miracle morning" (Hal Elrod) where I do some long-term beneficial habits each morning: prayer, silence, reading, and so on. These benefits compound but only over time.

Now to the business.

Do you have a J.O.B.? (just over broke) Do you have inheritance money? Live with the folks? Socializing is great in moderation but where does your day go? Video games?

If you have a job, work on the business for a few hours a day -- say 3-5pm or 8-10pm or 6-8am -- when you get home or before you leave.

If you don't need a job yet, why would you start a business? What's the motivation?

Regardless, doing something smaller but more consistent will grow your results and slowly increase your success in personal life (run one mile per day), relationships (one call to a friend or potential date per day) and business (make one bit of progress on the website per day). And when you feel the urge to stop KEEP GOING.

 

[WJK]

But during all this time, I found myself feeling that this is not the right thing to do right now, I felt that what I really wanted to do now is socialize, make meaningful connections and taking care of my dating life, which is hugely lacking, as well as learning how to dj, because this has always been something I wanted to do.

You aren't hungry enough to push you along. You don't have a defined work ethic to fall back on or that fire in your belly. Your current excuse is that you are only 20. What happens when you're 30? Or 40? Then in no time flat, you'll be 50. But, it's your life and your choice. So, enjoy your life, party, and have a good time chasing women. We can't help you here. There is just no substitute for personal grit. I know, I know, tough love!

 

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[MRiabov]

If you are a man, check out, and really understand the book "The Way Of The Superior Man". I know someone may talk whatever about the man who popularised (not written) this book, but it has recently taken me out of the mindless, worthless life that I was living for a while and put me back on track.

I believe this is one book that can help you navigate a LOT of life as a man. Women, work, relationships, etc. Oh, and it's tough to really get to the point of which author talks in the book, but... Become stronger and you will.

 

[Djo]

Figure out what is most important to you. How important is starting a business and making it become successful? Your business lives and dies by you, no one else will build your business for you. You will have to make sacrifices in life as there are only so many hours in a day.

My guess is this, without knowing you, you probably haven't had an FTE, or you probably wouldn't be caring about social life and dating. It seems like you want to be successful, but not bad enough that it is all-consuming.

In general, having a well-balanced life is important. You will see people on this forum talking about all sorts of things that are important to succeed, including health, wealth, spirituality, and relationships. Unfortunately, it is quite difficult to start up and succeed at all of these at the same time. So you may have to make some sacrifices. Those sacrifices are up to you. Typically, being that this is an entrepreneurial forum, most guys focus on business first, then everything else later. Though there are some guys who will start with health(gym and nutrition) first. There is no right or wrong way, it is your life.

Just know that we here are biased toward focusing on starting your business... because that is what this forum is all about.

Thanks for the advice. You are correct, I haven't had an FTE. I'm just a guy who's going to college and who's taking money from his parents, I guess my life is too comfortable to have an FTE right now. But I don't want this to be an excuse for why I can't focus on business. How long do I have to wait to have an FTE moment ? I don't think I'll have one in the near future. I'm just too comfortable where I am in life right now, and you're right, maybe I'm not hungry enough, or maybe I'm just making excuses for why I can't work on my business. I just don't really feel the urgency to succeed and do something, which is killing me inside because I know that it's because I am living comfortably. I know if my parents were poor and if we didn't have food on the table it would be another story and I would not have time for any other thing. Do you have any advice on how I can escape this trap

 

[Djo]

Brother, I am 40 now and felt the same way at 20. I started a business and "worked extremely hard" meaning 6 hours a day, 4 days a week lol.

My advice is to do *something* consistent every day. Focus on process. For example, I listen to the Happiness Podcast every day (Dr. Robert Puff) in the morning. I decided to stick with this every day no matter what else happens -- I started this 6 years ago and have never stopped.

That consistency, a tiny nugget of consistency, has become the nucleus of a "miracle morning" (Hal Elrod) where I do some long-term beneficial habits each morning: prayer, silence, reading, and so on. These benefits compound but only over time.

Now to the business.

Do you have a J.O.B.? (just over broke) Do you have inheritance money? Live with the folks? Socializing is great in moderation but where does your day go? Video games?

If you have a job, work on the business for a few hours a day -- say 3-5pm or 8-10pm or 6-8am -- when you get home or before you leave.

If you don't need a job yet, why would you start a business? What's the motivation?

Regardless, doing something smaller but more consistent will grow your results and slowly increase your success in personal life (run one mile per day), relationships (one call to a friend or potential date per day) and business (make one bit of progress on the website per day). And when you feel the urge to stop KEEP GOING.

Thank you Keith ! I don't have a job, I'm just going to college and taking money from my parents. I don't want to jump to the conclusion that I don't have a motivation to start a business because that would feel like an excuse, but that might be the case, and that's what I said to @Mikkel , I try to make my life as difficult as possible, I always challenge myself physically, I stay away from any kinds of cheap pleasures, but I always feel like there is something missing, there is no sense of urgency for me to do something and become successful, which is killing me and I don't know how to deal with it, and it is all probably because I am still living comfortably, with my family, being provided everything I ask for, I'm not talking about cars or houses, but basic things like food, clothes, some money, etc..
So yeah, I'm stuck and I really don't know what should I do. Should I move out, stop relying on my family ? I don't really know..

 

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[Djo]

You aren't hungry enough to push you along. You don't have a defined work ethic to fall back on or that fire in your belly. Your current excuse is that you are only 20. What happens when you're 30? Or 40? Then in no time flat, you'll be 50. But, it's your life and your choice. So, enjoy your life, party, and have a good time chasing women. We can't help you here. There is just no substitute for personal grit. I know, I know, tough love!

If I'm not hungry enough, which I'll admit, should I just sit and accept that as an excuse to why I can't be successful ? I'll absolutely admit that I don't feel an urgency to do something because I am still living comfortably with my family. Even when reading the FTE part of MJ's books, I didn't feel like I had one, and ignored that feeling but I guess it might be correct. I would have to disagree with you on the work ethic. I'm extremely hard working and disciplined person when I have a purpose behind the thing I'm working on. I have some achievements that I'm proud of in my life and that I sacrificed a lot to reach, but the commun thing in all these goals was the motivation behind them was present and it was big, something I don't feel about the Business. Is there a way I can force myself to have an FTE, or feel that sense of urgency in my life?

 

[Mikkel]

I'm extremely hard working and disciplined person when I have a purpose behind the thing I'm working on.

I believe you. If you do 15 hour work days at the age of 20 when you get your life paid for you, then you probably do have a strong work ethic.

Work ethic will determine how hard you work when you are determined to do so, purpose will determine for how long.

Anyone can come up with a business they want to start and push for a few weeks, the question will be, what will push you forward when the business pushes back. You come across a problem that doesn't have an easy solution. Humans usually will take the path of least resistance. A person with a strong purpose or an FTE will look at the problem in the business and say "I don't know how to fix it, yet but I have to figure it out. I can't handle staying in my current situation." The thought of failing and being stuck in the same position causes greater mental anguish than the task of problem solving a difficulty in the business and forgoing short-term pleasure(like hanging out with friends instead of working on your business).

FTE's are great for this. Technically, you don't need an FTE, but you need a VERY strong purpose or you have to have a very strong passion for the work you are doing and love to problem solve issues. As you know, passions don't make money unless there is a real market for it... like computer/AI/etc.

I guess my life is too comfortable to have an FTE right now. But I don't want this to be an excuse for why I can't focus on business. How long do I have to wait to have an FTE moment ?

There is no way of telling how long it will take to have an FTE, but an FTE can happen either during college when you find out how much money you are spending in college and how much you have to pay back or when you get out of college and your job sucks even when you spent a bunch of money and time at college.

My FTE was sort of manufacturered. I already knew that I overspent on college. I had a decent job and lived a decent life, but I could see that I had a cap on how much money I could ever make. It was enough to live and support a family, but not enough to ever break free. Then started the work. The work was ridiculous. Productivity was unrealistic. I would constantly have to choose my quality of work or my quality of life. I started getting stressed because it would work for 60 hours while getting paid for 40. Then I got long haul covid and I was out for 3 months with serious brain fog and other symptoms. I come back to work months later but only 20 hours. The work sucked just as much, but only for a shorter period of the day. Now, this is where the manufacturered peice came into play. I could have easily of found a new job, but I didnt. I found that each night I ALWAYS worked more on my side hustle because I was desperate to leave this job and this line of work. After 9 months of this, I had a track history on constant work on a business and I had so many FTE that I now have this never ending drive to keep pushing to try and avoid that situation. Today, I have quit that terrible job. I am on a 1 month break from Rat Race work. The FTE still burns strong though. Every day, I am working on my business. I don't go out and socialize much because it costs money. The faster I burn through my savings, the quicker I must go back to work and slow down the process of mmworking on my business. ALL of my decisions are made through the prism of my FTE.

So, what can you do? I think you need to get your mindset right first. FTE's are great motivators that can last a lifetime, but they can take a while to get there. An FTE at the root of it, is like a very strong purpose that is ingrained in you. A purpose to avoid what once was a terrible experience. You should also have other purposes that are more positive. I don't have kids yet, but I work hard because I want to see my future kids grow up. I want my girlfriend(future wife) to not have to work and for my kids to have a stay at home mother. I want to be able to support my parents as they get older, if they need assistance.

Can you find a purpose that is more important than hanging out with friends, partying, or DJing? Find that purpose. Internalize it.

 

[Djo]

I believe you. If you do 15 hour work days at the age of 20 when you get your life paid for you, then you probably do have a strong work ethic.

Work ethic will determine how hard you work when you are determined to do so, purpose will determine for how long.

Anyone can come up with a business they want to start and push for a few weeks, the question will be, what will push you forward when the business pushes back. You come across a problem that doesn't have an easy solution. Humans usually will take the path of least resistance. A person with a strong purpose or an FTE will look at the problem in the business and say "I don't know how to fix it, yet but I have to figure it out. I can't handle staying in my current situation." The thought of failing and being stuck in the same position causes greater mental anguish than the task of problem solving a difficulty in the business and forgoing short-term pleasure(like hanging out with friends instead of working on your business).

FTE's are great for this. Technically, you don't need an FTE, but you need a VERY strong purpose or you have to have a very strong passion for the work you are doing and love to problem solve issues. As you know, passions don't make money unless there is a real market for it... like computer/AI/etc.


There is no way of telling how long it will take to have an FTE, but an FTE can happen either during college when you find out how much money you are spending in college and how much you have to pay back or when you get out of college and your job sucks even when you spent a bunch of money and time at college.

My FTE was sort of manufacturered. I already knew that I overspent on college. I had a decent job and lived a decent life, but I could see that I had a cap on how much money I could ever make. It was enough to live and support a family, but not enough to ever break free. Then started the work. The work was ridiculous. Productivity was unrealistic. I would constantly have to choose my quality of work or my quality of life. I started getting stressed because it would work for 60 hours while getting paid for 40. Then I got long haul covid and I was out for 3 months with serious brain fog and other symptoms. I come back to work months later but only 20 hours. The work sucked just as much, but only for a shorter period of the day. Now, this is where the manufacturered peice came into play. I could have easily of found a new job, but I didnt. I found that each night I ALWAYS worked more on my side hustle because I was desperate to leave this job and this line of work. After 9 months of this, I had a track history on constant work on a business and I had so many FTE that I now have this never ending drive to keep pushing to try and avoid that situation. Today, I have quit that terrible job. I am on a 1 month break from Rat Race work. The FTE still burns strong though. Every day, I am working on my business. I don't go out and socialize much because it costs money. The faster I burn through my savings, the quicker I must go back to work and slow down the process of mmworking on my business. ALL of my decisions are made through the prism of my FTE.

So, what can you do? I think you need to get your mindset right first. FTE's are great motivators that can last a lifetime, but they can take a while to get there. An FTE at the root of it, is like a very strong purpose that is ingrained in you. A purpose to avoid what once was a terrible experience. You should also have other purposes that are more positive. I don't have kids yet, but I work hard because I want to see my future kids grow up. I want my girlfriend(future wife) to not have to work and for my kids to have a stay at home mother. I want to be able to support my parents as they get older, if they need assistance.

Can you find a purpose that is more important than hanging out with friends, partying, or DJing? Find that purpose. Internalize it.

Thank you so much for this wisdom brother. Your FTE is inspiring, and I hope you get all what you want in your life. I need go get my mindset right as you said, I'll reflect and try to find a purpose to fuel my success, although I can't really think of one right now. Comfort really is the killer of dreams, but I won't let it kill mine, I'm sure there is a way to get my mind right and start grinding. Thank you again @Mikkel !

 

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[WJK]

If I'm not hungry enough, which I'll admit, should I just sit and accept that as an excuse to why I can't be successful ? I'll absolutely admit that I don't feel an urgency to do something because I am still living comfortably with my family. Even when reading the FTE part of MJ's books, I didn't feel like I had one, and ignored that feeling but I guess it might be correct. I would have to disagree with you on the work ethic. I'm extremely hard working and disciplined person when I have a purpose behind the thing I'm working on. I have some achievements that I'm proud of in my life and that I sacrificed a lot to reach, but the commun thing in all these goals was the motivation behind them was present and it was big, something I don't feel about the Business. Is there a way I can force myself to have an FTE, or feel that sense of urgency in my life?

You cannot force what I'm talking about. It would be like faking a smile. It's the energy that puts you in the flow. It propels you forward. It's a fire in your belly that drives you to learn new things and do hard stuff. It is NOT something that you create by willing it to happen. You can gain daily habits and discipline yourself to work hard. And you're saying that you can work hard when you want to.

When I was 19, I moved to downtown Los Angeles to go to college and make my fortune. It was the early 1970s. I was married to my childhood sweetheart and we were on our own. We ran out of food and money right away. At that time, there was no help -- no one to turn to who would save us. I have worked almost every day since I was 11 years old. So we found a way to make it even though the odds were against us.

I'm comfortable now, but I never had that feeling when I was young. I have a different point of view on things.

When my sons were at home and they needed money for school or such, I made them get out and work for what they needed. They washed windows all over the neighborhood. Yes, I could have handed them the money. I was successful and I could have made their lives very comfortable. I didn't do that on purpose. It taught them how to get out and take care of themselves. Those skills have carried them far in their lives.

I hope you find something that you feel passionate about.

 

[Djo]

You cannot force what I'm talking about. It would be like faking a smile. It's the energy that puts you in the flow. It propels you forward. It's a fire in your belly that drives you to learn new things and do hard stuff. It is NOT something that you create by willing it to happen. You can gain daily habits and discipline yourself to work hard. And you're saying that you can work hard when you want to.

When I was 19, I moved to downtown Los Angeles to go to college and make my fortune. It was the early 1970s. I was married to my childhood sweetheart and we were on our own. We ran out of food and money right away. At that time, there was no help -- no one to turn to who would save us. I have worked almost every day since I was 11 years old. So we found a way to make it even though the odds were against us.

I'm comfortable now, but I never had that feeling when I was young. I have a different point of view on things.

When my sons were at home and they needed money for school or such, I made them get out and work for what they needed. They washed windows all over the neighborhood. Yes, I could have handed them the money. I was successful and I could have made their lives very comfortable. I didn't do that on purpose. It taught them how to get out and take care of themselves. Those skills have carried them far in their lives.

I hope you find something that you feel passionate about.

If I understood correctly, what you're saying is that the only way to get that burning desire ( or an FTE ) is by struggling and going through hardships. Your kids are lucky to have a father like you. I wish my father made me learn these things since I'm a kid. Although I'm grateful that everything I asked my father for got provided for me, I think that harmed me more than it benefited me. I can't sit here and complain about how I had it easy, I need to find a way to develop that killer in me. I'm sure there is a way to do so.

 

[WJK]

If I understood correctly, what you're saying is that the only way to get that burning desire ( or an FTE ) is by struggling and going through hardships. Your kids are lucky to have a father like you. I wish my father made me learn these things since I'm a kid. Although I'm grateful that everything I asked my father for got provided for me, I think that harmed me more than it benefited me. I can't sit here and complain about how I had it easy, I need to find a way to develop that killer in me. I'm sure there is a way to do so.

If you struggle to build a business, there will be plenty of hardships for you. There will be a lot of uphill challenges along the way. You will gain skills and the tough grit you need to make it all work. It will make you or break you.

I've failed many times. I have made fortunes and lost them. What I can tell you is that each time I started again, it was easier. I had more personal resources to build on. Most people lose 2 fortunes and keep the third. It's all part of the learning curve. It's OK to fail as long as you pick yourself up and go on with your program -- that is after you figure out why you failed and take corrective actions. I try to make my failures small enough to absorb without missing much of a step on my path. I consider them to be one more thing I tried that didn't work. My mantra is "Next!" If you do not try, you have a 100% chance of failing.

Here's another thing to thing to think about. Have you noticed that the children of wealthy parents usually lose or spend that money when it is turned over to them? They didn't earn it and they don't know how to take care of it. Making the money is one set of skills. Caring for money and making it grow is another set of skills.

 

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[Djo]

If you struggle to build a business, there will be plenty of hardships for you. There will be a lot of uphill challenges along the way. You will gain skills and the tough grit you need to make it all work. It will make you or break you.

I've failed many times. I have made fortunes and lost them. What I can tell you is that each time I started again, it was easier. I had more personal resources to build on. Most people lose 2 fortunes and keep the third. It's all part of the learning curve. It's OK to fail as long as you pick yourself up and go on with your program -- that is after you figure out why you failed and take corrective actions. I try to make my failures small enough to absorb without missing much of a step on my path. I consider them to be one more thing I tried that didn't work. My mantra is "Next!" If you do not try, you have a 100% chance of failing.

Here's another thing to thing to think about. Have you noticed that the children of wealthy parents usually lose or spend that money when it is turned over to them? They didn't earn it and they don't know how to take care of it. Making the money is one set of skills. Caring for money and making it grow is another set of skills.

You mean that one can develop the "killer instinct" along the way, through the business' hardships and difficulties ?
You cannot be more correct about the mantra " Next ", you always miss 100% of the shots you don't take in life.

 

[LocalZebraFish33]

If I understood correctly, what you're saying is that the only way to get that burning desire ( or an FTE ) is by struggling and going through hardships. Your kids are lucky to have a father like you. I wish my father made me learn these things since I'm a kid. Although I'm grateful that everything I asked my father for got provided for me, I think that harmed me more than it benefited me. I can't sit here and complain about how I had it easy, I need to find a way to develop that killer in me. I'm sure there is a way to do so.

I’m 19 and in college and I’ve been reading your posts, and my life, beliefs, identities, confusions, and questions are literally identical to yours, besides the dj part.

The way I see it if we put effort into improving ourselves (good habits, social life, lifting), that will increase our chances of success and happiness in the future.

And a social life is literally fundamental to being a human. I don’t think we want to live the rest of our life carrying around the baggage of the identity of a loner and someone who struggles with friends and girls, it’s probably worth overcoming now (and college is the best environment for this). Even if we got rich, we’d still dislike ourselves on some fundamental level if we never overcame this identity.

I think our parents providing for us kinda made us underdeveloped or something and unable to relate to kids our age cause we don’t have as much life experiences. Most people would dismiss your predicament because they hear it as being lucky and fed with a silver spoon, not realizing that it kinda screws you up later down the line.

I think the best answer to all of our confusions and questions is to simply do the things our parents should’ve let us done, to get the experiences we didn’t get in childhood. Learning a sport, hanging out with friends, learning to change a car tire, developing good study / social life balance, talking to girls, becoming more self reliant, scheduling our own doctors appointment, becoming more athletic, going to parties, etc.

Another way to think about is solving whatever current problem we are experiences. No friends or girls, fix it. Out of shape, fix it. Crappy job, fix it. And maybe consider that alot of the advice online may not apply to your current life situation. While some people may need to put in 13 hour days to a business, some people may need to go on a meditation retreat, you may need to just lift some weights and host some parties.

Be careful about falling into the wrong crowd though. I made the mistake of trying to fit in with the degenerates drinking and taking drugs and realized they were complete losers and train wrecks on the inside.

Mj said in a post somewhere when someone asked about social life that if you were to put your fastlane pursuits on pause to improve your social skills, you are indirectly working towards your financial freedom.

Some advice I got from someone on the this forum:

“Realize that you’re really young, it’s not realistic to be a multi millionaire at age 21-25 so don’t make that your main goal. How you develop your brain at this age will make the difference in how your life will go, do things even when they’re difficult. Make these decisions with your best intentions and what feels best for you to do, after all you are living YOUR life. I also used to make a lot of decisions based on (example)“well, Andrew Tate told me to not dm girls but talk to them in real life bla bla bla”. You like the girl and want to dm her, do it. You want to have a drink with your best mate because it’s the weekend, do it. But make sure that everything that you do is earned. Go for the drink but go home on time and wake up at 7 for example. Make life hard on some occasions and don’t make bad things a routine.”

 

[WJK]

You mean that one can develop the "killer instinct" along the way, through the business' hardships and difficulties ?
You cannot be more correct about the mantra " Next ", you always miss 100% of the shots you don't take in life.

You can. Most people don't. They stay in the 90% and don't join the 10% club.

I went to a Fashion College and got my first degree (I have 4 including my J.D.) in Merchandising. -- which is marketing and business. I was the only married woman there. The other "girls" had daddy's money behind them. Daddy paid for their apartments and their living expenses. I worked 32 hours per week, took in sewing projects on the side, and carried 18 units at school with a 3.9 GPA. I sat on the front row of my classes and I made friends with the profs. I was there for my education and to learn to make a career. The other students made fun of me and told me to get a life. They were pretty hateful. I was so envious of them. All I could think about when they confronted me was what I could have done IF I had their resources. By the end of those years, the tide turned and I learned the art of cutting them off with one or two line zingers. They finally left me alone.

When they got out of school, they got their Mrs. degrees -- they married the right men. I went to work and ended up in RE. I became successful.

I met up with a couple of the other students when I was in my 40s. They were amazed at my career and told me that I was so lucky. They had forgotten about all the hard work I had done. They were getting divorced and had expensive lifestyles with all the resulting financial problems. Success had passed them by. They acted like my business success had just fallen on me out of the blue. Then I realized that they were hobbled by their comfort zone rather than helped by it. Indeed, I was lucky then and I'm still a lucky girl today. All those challenges have given me grit -- which has given me a variety of experiences -- which has become valuable knowledge -- which has bloomed into wisdom -- which has resulted in a comfortable life that no one can take away from me. I have become a "go-to" person in my community.

 

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[Djo]

I’m 19 and in college and I’ve been reading your posts, and my life, beliefs, identities, confusions, and questions are literally identical to yours, besides the dj part.

The way I see it if we put effort into improving ourselves (good habits, social life, lifting), that will increase our chances of success and happiness in the future.

And a social life is literally fundamental to being a human. I don’t think we want to live the rest of our life carrying around the baggage of the identity of a loner and someone who struggles with friends and girls, it’s probably worth overcoming now (and college is the best environment for this). Even if we got rich, we’d still dislike ourselves on some fundamental level if we never overcame this identity.

I think our parents providing for us kinda made us underdeveloped or something and unable to relate to kids our age cause we don’t have as much life experiences. Most people would dismiss your predicament because they hear it as being lucky and fed with a silver spoon, not realizing that it kinda screws you up later down the line.

I think the best answer to all of our confusions and questions is to simply do the things our parents should’ve let us done, to get the experiences we didn’t get in childhood. Learning a sport, hanging out with friends, learning to change a car tire, developing good study / social life balance, talking to girls, becoming more self reliant, scheduling our own doctors appointment, becoming more athletic, going to parties, etc.

Another way to think about is solving whatever current problem we are experiences. No friends or girls, fix it. Out of shape, fix it. Crappy job, fix it. And maybe consider that alot of the advice online may not apply to your current life situation. While some people may need to put in 13 hour days to a business, some people may need to go on a meditation retreat, you may need to just lift some weights and host some parties.

Be careful about falling into the wrong crowd though. I made the mistake of trying to fit in with the degenerates drinking and taking drugs and realized they were complete losers and train wrecks on the inside.

Mj said in a post somewhere when someone asked about social life that if you were to put your fastlane pursuits on pause to improve your social skills, you are indirectly working towards your financial freedom.

Some advice I got from someone on the this forum:

“Realize that you’re really young, it’s not realistic to be a multi millionaire at age 21-25 so don’t make that your main goal. How you develop your brain at this age will make the difference in how your life will go, do things even when they’re difficult. Make these decisions with your best intentions and what feels best for you to do, after all you are living YOUR life. I also used to make a lot of decisions based on (example)“well, Andrew Tate told me to not dm girls but talk to them in real life bla bla bla”. You like the girl and want to dm her, do it. You want to have a drink with your best mate because it’s the weekend, do it. But make sure that everything that you do is earned. Go for the drink but go home on time and wake up at 7 for example. Make life hard on some occasions and don’t make bad things a routine.”

You are completely right brother. As you said, there are some things that we need to get out of our systems asap so that we can fully focus on the business side. I'm talking about things like making friends, living meaningful experiences, dating girls etc.. But I also don't want to make these things my main pursuit, and I don't think that it would be a wise choice to do so. Maybe we need to balance things, between starting business, lifting, and dating. Or maybe we should go all in on dating and socializing so we can get these things out of our minds the quickest way possible. I'm not really sure which way to take, and I'm definitely looking for more wisdom from more people here about the subject. I've listened a lot of times to many successful people talking about the necessity of having the PUA / Party phase as early as possible in order to shift focus to more important things and devote complete time to them. I'm however still not sure of what way to take.
It would be a pleasure for me if we connect and get to know each other more my friend ! I'm sending you a DM.

 

[Djo]

You can. Most people don't. They stay in the 90% and don't join the 10% club.

I went to a Fashion College and got my first degree (I have 4 including my J.D.) in Merchandising. -- which is marketing and business. I was the only married woman there. The other "girls" had daddy's money behind them. Daddy paid for their apartments and their living expenses. I worked 32 hours per week, took in sewing projects on the side, and carried 18 units at school with a 3.9 GPA. I sat on the front row of my classes and I made friends with the profs. I was there for my education and to learn to make a career. The other students made fun of me and told me to get a life. They were pretty hateful. I was so envious of them. All I could think about when they confronted me was what I could have done IF I had their resources. By the end of those years, the tide turned and I learned the art of cutting them off with one or two line zingers. They finally left me alone.

When they got out of school, they got their Mrs. degrees -- they married the right men. I went to work and ended up in RE. I became successful.

I met up with a couple of the other students when I was in my 40s. They were amazed at my career and told me that I was so lucky. They had forgotten about all the hard work I had done. They were getting divorced and had expensive lifestyles with all the resulting financial problems. Success had passed them by. They acted like my business success had just fallen on me out of the blue. Then I realized that they were hobbled by their comfort zone rather than helped by it. Indeed, I was lucky then and I'm still a lucky girl today. All those challenges have given me grit -- which has given me a variety of experiences -- which has become valuable knowledge -- which has bloomed into wisdom -- which has resulted in a comfortable life that no one can take away from me. I have become a "go-to" person in my community.

You're truly an inspiration for every woman out there trying go become successful. You struggled and you finally got what you worked for, and all that struggle forged you into the person you are today. So there is no way other than struggling.

 

[WJK]

You're truly an inspiration for every woman out there trying go become successful. You struggled and you finally got what you worked for, and all that struggle forged you into the person you are today. So there is no way other than struggling.

Grace does not fall on you. It is earned one painful step at a time. I wish there was a shortcut.

But, I can also tell you that each step also had a silver lining. There is a peaceful joy in the journey. You get so comfortable in your own skin and you lose your fear of the world. Your happiness is no longer dependent on other people's opinions. It's self-confidence that makes you walk differently and it attracts other people like a magnet.

 

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