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How do you become a happy person?

Discussion in 'General Mindset, Motivation, Beliefs' started by Wiezel, Apr 2, 2019.

  1. Fox
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    Fox Moderator Staff Member Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    If I had to say when I felt happiest:

    Having a clear goal that is worth achieving and enjoying the up and down process of getting to it.

    Whenever that statement has been true I’ve felt a LOT better then when it was false.
     
  2. Rabby
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    Rabby Silver Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    I talked with a great local guy the other day. Semi-retired CEO with over 8,000 people in one company he managed, now owns a business coaching practice. Something he said struck me.

    "People are happiest when they're making progress toward a meaningful goal."

    At the moment my thought was, this could be another way to help employees feel happy and motivated. You naturally think people want "appreciation," and they do, but they may want "progress toward a meaningful goal" even more.

    This applies to us all... if we're working toward something we think is important, and making progress, we feel happy.
     
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  3. Jakeeck
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    Jakeeck Silver Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    A little different than the advice you're getting here. No offense to anyone who posted, but none of this works for someone like OP. I know because I was exactly like him.

    Here's the thing... your brain's reward system is f*cked. You get rewarded for doing nothing in video games, and it's about 10x more fun than doing any kind of real work.

    It's going to take some deep rewiring and reprogramming of your brain to bring you back.

    This is the case for anyone who grew up with a life where your parents didn't discipline you to get homework done before you played video games or went out to play. Everything is backwards. You take your rewards before you do any work. <---

    Video games will rob you of any motivation you have, trust me.

    So first, drop the video games, and resist any temptations that you KNOW are a time-suck to fill in that void of not having video games.

    It's gonna hurt like a bitch. You're gonna get depressed and anxious and wonder wtf is the point if you feel this miserable.

    Then you're gradually going to start feeling better. Your brain is rewiring. If you don't use the same neural pathways (play video games), they weaken, and your motivation for other things goes up. Now you have a base to work from.

    You're in major "dopamine debt" (the brain's reward chemical). You've taken so much reward without doing work. Now you have to work to get back to even.

    You're not going to be able to meditate or journal or anything like that in this state, like everyone is telling you to do. It's just too drastic of a change.

    You have to start with 1 thing -- stop playing video games.

    Daily motivation and inspiration is a must as well. You're rewiring your brain here, and to do that, you need to flood your mind with positive/reinforcing thoughts of the lifestyle you want to live. If you try to force yourself to think positively, it's not going to work. You're going to know you're faking it.

    Listen to Jim Rohn, Bob Proctor, Tony Robbins, MJ, etc etc. Let their thoughts become yours. Let them help you start rewiring your brain.

    Post quotes all over your wall so you force your mind to think those things, because in your state, any time spent in silence is going to be negative, ruminating thoughts, because that's what you've been thinking for years now. Only way to change that is to play a new record of positivity through an external source, and to be ruthless about it. Don't let yourself start thinking your old thoughts; you'll only re-engage those neural pathways.

    Oh, and start eating well. Fresh cooked meals. Healthy food. Without this as a foundation, you're carrying an unnecessary 50lbs up the mountain.

    I still struggle because I was a damn spoiled little millennial who played video games 24/7 and tried to do my homework 15 mins before class started every morning.

    But I'm getting better every week. Last year in May I was 40k in debt and depressed as f*ck making $0/month. I went to my dad's house and cried telling him I wanted to kill myself.

    In June I turned my shit around. Now I've paid off every penny of that 40k and am making a (low) 5-figure monthly income.

    I still have days where I go back to old ways. The struggle is brutal. But that's what you get when you take your rewards before you do the work for 15+ years.

    It's not your fault. It's not your parent's fault. It's nobody's fault. You don't know what you don't know.

    But you've been dealt a hand and you have to play it, otherwise, as MJ says "your life is big-blinded away to the pot while others take it." (or something like that)
     
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  4. Rabby
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    Rabby Silver Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Interesting perspective. I quit games in college (circa 1999-2000) because I felt they created a false sense of achievement at the time. Which is basically what you're saying, but you're exposing the biochemical consequences of that. I could never get addicted to them now, I think, because messing with reality is too much fun. Also less eyestrain. I still like games every so often though, 5-10 days a year, if it's raining outside.
     
  5. Jakeeck
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    I think the biggest area of research about this going on right now is with porn. (yourbrainonporn.com)

    But after researching all that, I realized it applies to any kind of super stimulus. Who the hell is going to want to work when they can get their month's worth of reward chemicals with 5 porn tabs open? Who is going to want to work when you have a video game where you feel like the f*ckin man because your kill:death ratio is 3:1 and all your other video gamer buddies pat you on the back for it?

    But it's all a smokescreen, because eventually you have to work and make a living, and your brain is not equipped to do that.

    The internet and its extensions kill dreams when left unchecked, and many of us were raised on those extensions (shitposting forums, video games, porn) while our brains were developing. Our reward circuitry is in shambles.

    The internet is amazing too for obvious reasons, but people like myself and OP first have to understand WHY we feel so resistant to working and finding something to dedicate ourselves to. Then you can intuitively figure out ways to combat that.
     
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  6. Dwight Schrute
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    Dwight Schrute Ludicrous Speed Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    Wanna be miserable?
    Chase happiness.
    Chasing after happiness will only make you less happy


    Wanna be happy?
    Chase goals.
    Break them down into steps and stages, so achiving them
    becomes a simple matter of "Next!"


    Wanna stay happy?
    Have the next goal already in the pipeline when you achieve one.


    Pedal--»Metal
    Nose--»Grindstone
     
  7. Einfamilienhaus
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    Einfamilienhaus Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane

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    1. Asking: How to be happy? Is the same like asking for the purpose of a stone.

    For one guy it is just a stone.

    For the other you can build houses or walls.

    For the other you can throw it at your enemy.

    Don't ask what's right or wrong. Trust yourself. Trust your gut.

    What's right for me. Could be wrong for you.

    If you dont know how to drive a car. Ask for help how to do it. But don't ask the same guy if a car is necessary for you.

    Don't spend your time watching YouTube videos and try to find solutions. In some cases it helps. But in most cases its only about clicks and gathering email adresses for more shitty products.

    Like how to be confident in 3 Steps.

    Well, no thanks. I will keep my money for the ebook "How to seduce every women in 4 Steps ". That's something I really need.

    2. You are not honest about yourself.

    You are 24 and have no job? So you are not even taking the responsibility to care about yourself?

    Most of us have or had pretty shitty jobs.

    But in your case.

    We are not even talking about escaping the system of a wage slavery.

    Damn.

    What are you doing the whole day?

    Playing Games and dreaming about Big pimp'n Money?

    It's your life and your own responsibility to go your own way. You are the only one in this world who truly can take the responsibility about yourself.

    Not your mother. Father. Girlfriend. Friends.

    YOU are the only one.

    The earlier you truly understand this. The better your life gets.

    I get crazy when people giving the advice: Find your Life purpose! And you will be happy!

    Ok. My life purpose is to be a millionaire. So what now?

    3. A comfortable bed makes you sleep well. To be comfortable in life is dying slowly from inside.

    You want rule the Million Dollar Game?

    Ok!

    How much pain and discomfort do you have on your suffer bank account to pay?

    The only currency the world accepts for success is suffer.

    No Credit cards accepted! Sorry.

    No suffer. No success.

    We all have to much comfort in every life aspect that we prefer more making ourselves to slaves. Instead of living in "freedom" and oh bad....having less.

    Give something to the world. It also means giving something up. And you will get it more and in a better way back.

    The world needs more people who give and its very thankful for every giving it gets.

    There are too many people who take. Or think it's their right to take. Without any offer of giving something back.

    Not even being thankful.

    4. Why we are always focusing on being Happy?

    The today's meaning of happiness is just an ebook scam.

    You want to be happy?

    Give me your email adresse.

    Or buy my Netflix memberships.

    Or look here!

    Order now on Amazon and you get 10% off.

    Hurry up Boy! This offer doesn't stay long.

    Buy.
    Buy.
    Buy.
    Watch.
    Watch.
    Watch.
    Discuss.
    Discuss.
    Discuss.

    If you are using the same tools as everyone. You become like everyone else.

    You have sometimes to f.k. yourself.

    Deep and hard.

    If you are not ready for that.

    You are not ready for the success.

    Sad but true.
     
  8. windchaser
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    windchaser Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    I always say there are two types of people: Those who look for solutions to the problem and those who look for problems to the solution.

    From what I am reading my gut is telling me that what it is preventing yourself from being happy is your mindset.

    One thing calls my attention: You mention that you are very happy with your personal life and that you have a great family and friends, but still your number 1 priority is moving out of your parents. Shouldn´t your number 1 priority be finding what you want to do with your life, learn skills, get a job you like or start a business? Why focus on fixing what is right on your life instead on what is making you unhappy?

    Then, you identify your problem and the solution but start mentioning a lot of reasons why that is not a solution. The problem with finding a place of your own sounds familiar with me (I am from Spain and I bet you here it is even more difficult) but it sounds like an excuse.

    In fact, I seriously doubt that your number 1 problem is living with your parents. Living with your parents is an advantage for your situation as you can focus full time on finding what you want to do and keep trying and reinvesting all your gains on that, without the burden of needing to pay rent, electricity, and the many other responsibilities that come together with living on your own, especially if you go north far from your friends and family (which you mentioned are the best part of your life). Everything can be improved but you have to be smart at prioritizing.

    To me it sounds like you are suffering from analysis paralysis:

    Imagine that you want to build a house but you do not start building the foundation until you have decided on the color of the walls.

    My advice: do not stress and don´t wait to move until you have all figured out. Break the problem into small pieces and focus on one at a time, and learn to live and enjoy the good things in your life. Change your mindset into a positive one. It looks like you have that eagerness, that hunger and willingness to change. Use it the right way!

    Learn to enjoy the good things in your life even in the moments when they are outweighted by the bad one. Learn to enjoy the process, no matter how much it sucks, because you will always learn or get something good out of it.

    That is not something you are born with or that you learn in one day. Anyone can do it, but it requires perseverance and determination, like everything worthy in this life.
     
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2019
  9. srodrigo
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    srodrigo Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    I haven't read the whole thread, but...

    - Moving out: I'm pretty sure there are people in your country who DON'T make 4x their rent at all in a job, and they still have a roof. There must be a way. Also, what about sharing?
    - Income: you talk about finding a job and how they don't suit you. Have you considered learning a highly demanded skill that you like and then freelancing? This would also remove the chicken/egg problem you've got with being unable to rent before you have a job in case you move to a cheaper city/country.
    - Exercise: releasing endorphins will level up your happiness, "magically". Do exercise in case you are not already doing it.
    - Purpose: sounds like you haven't found your purpose in life, and that's not helping finding happiness. You will not be happy until you do. I've seen people with great family and friends self-destroy because they didn't have a purpose. Find it. Also, purposes change over time as you grow as a person, so don't spend too long on finding THE purpose for the rest of your life, it's pointless. Focus on the purpose for your 24 yo and iterate when needed.
    - Extra tip: when you find your purpose and start putting your life more in order, enjoy the process. Don't think "I'll be happy when I have 4k euros in passive income and then I'll do whatever I want!" - No, you don't know how long you've got left. I'm not saying "don't work hard for a future greater life", but life happens now, not tomorrow, not in 5 years when you sell your 10 million company. If the process itself doesn't make you happy, purpose will end up the rubbish bin and you'll still be unhappy, or in the best case you'll trade X years (where X can be a lot, given most business fail) for Y years of happiness; this starts sounding to me like trading Mon-Fri for Sat-Sun + a few weeks for holidays. Enjoy what you do every day to build your wealth, otherwise look for something else.

    EDIT: Typos.
     
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2019
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  10. Sanj Modha
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    Happiness is a journey not a destination and you can't just "be happy". It's not a light switch.

    Watch Sean Achor's TEDTalk for more information on the science of happiness. Success isn't the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success and that's a fact too (Achor talks about it in more detail).

    I don't know what makes me "happy" but I did find that removing all things that makes me unhappy in life certainly helped. These are situations, people, places etc and I also focused on reducing Cortisol - the stress hormone.
     
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  11. Yzn
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    I agree with whoever said it's about progress. In every part of your life.
    Try and become better than the past month in every thing you do.
    Spirituality. Financially. Knowledge. Network/Relationships. Skills. Health. etc. etc.

    Being happy is not a permanent state of mind/soul. It goes up and down. Just like faith. Just like everything in this world. The secret is to keep feeding your mind/soul/self methods to increase in the progress journey towards more happiness.
     
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  12. jasoncuellar123
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    jasoncuellar123 I’m probably awake. Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Fulfill your goals
     
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  13. BellaPippin
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    BellaPippin Enough snacking on mediocrity. Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    BRAH nobody knows what they want at 24. I thought graphic design was my thing when I finished high school, like, TOTALLY CONVINCED. Nah. I wanted to travel the world. I mean I liked design, I liked art, but I couldn't see myself working at an agency or w.e in exchange for living money. I think the only thing I knew for sure (but really didn't know yet, I just had the feeling inside) is that jobs suck. Say it with me. JOBS SUCK. a$$. CACA.

    Between 20-today (29 IFYOUNEEDTOKNOW-UGH) what I wanted/my super-duper project/ what I thought my purpose in life changed muuultiple times. Does it mean I failed? NAH! I changed my mind. I wasn't what I wanted. So?
    I mean look Harrison Ford wasn't Indiana Jones until he was how many years old? Mmmm Harrison Ford.

    Point being-- just keep trying stuff, there's no deadline. Don't put yourself a deadline, don't put your youth a deadline either. You're NOT failing I repeat you are NOT failing. You are crossing out the things that you don't like. That is VERY DIFFERENT.
     
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  14. Rescripting
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    24 years old and asking important questions. Your on the right track and surrounded by people who are willing to help from all walks of life.

    My advice:
    Take risks - your young and got nothing to lose
    Find something hard most people wont do - opportunity looks a lot like hard work
    Ride a bike everywhere - Its great exercise, practically free, and makes you appreciate the world.
    Help someone- Just to see the appreciation
    Find a positive feed back loop - Make a forum post and post everyday of how you made one step (no matter how small) towards your goal

    Good Luck! and keep moving
     
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    View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFW_4MWs5wM


    Dude happiness is not connected to your achievement levels it is a state of mind, if you want to be happier meditate 1 hour every day it should do the trick.

    As for achievements you are only 24 I had nothing going when I was 24 I wouldn't worry, just start doing something, whatever and keep doing it for next 5 -10 years and if it won't work after that time then pivot. Switching from job to job, business to business, udemy course to another won't do the trick, you won't find holy grail tomorrow that will just solve all your problems, it's a grind and you have to work for it. For some ppl magic happens after a year for some after 10, but whether it is happiness, money, own place, new job, whatever it is you have to work for it, daily, without excuses. Seems like you overthink things a lot too, if you want to live abroad where it's cheaper just get few hundred dollars and go there, what it worst case scenario? You will have to hitchhike your way back home with few hundred bucks less? At least you will have a story to tell your grandchildren, how you travel half of the world with few hundred in your pocket.
     
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  16. James Klymus
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    James Klymus Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    First off, Since you said you read, I would check out eckhart tolle's books like the Power of Now. I listen to it on audio book on walks.

    I think it would help you to become more present in the moment. Be thankful that you have a roof over your head, food, warm water, a girlfriend and loving friends and family. Read/listen to his material and it will all make more sense.

    Also, I think you are mistaking purpose with happiness. A lot of people think these things go hand in hand, but they don't necessarily. Sure if you feel like you're connected with a community and have a purpose, you'll probably be happy. But there are multiple CEO's who you would assume would be happy but aren't.

    Elon musk for example, divorced the same woman twice, works 120hr weeks, almost worked him self to death when he had malaria, and can barely make time for friends and family and even sleep.

    Your job or business also have almost nothing to do with happiness. High achievement doesn't = happiness. You could be completely happy and content with your life while sitting on a park bench on a summers day, while living in a one bedroom flat making $40,000 a year.

    And you could be a miserable entrepreneur who has a mansion, 10 cars, the hottest wife.

    Also remember that happiness, like all other emotions, is a fleeting thing. It changes day to day , even minute to minute. Like sadness, anger, excitement and all other feelings and emotions, it ebbs and flows over time. Kind of ironic that becoming a "happy person" is realizing that you won't always be happy.

    I think part of why you "cant find happiness" is because you're comparing your self to societies model of success and achievement. You're desperate to find a career, move out, because you're afraid people will think you're a loser or a failure. That's the fast lane to unhappiness. You need to let go of that, you're on your own unique path.

    You're putting a lot of stress and pressure on your self to figure out what you want in life. You feel like you should know all of the answers by now, and if you dont figure it out soon you'll spiral out of control and wind up a failure. It's a life long journey, and a lot of happiness will come from being present.

    You're already in the right spot, You're asking questions and thinking bigger in life. You're self aware and willing to learn and educate your self, and that's more than most people are capable of.
     
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  17. Saiful
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    Saiful Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane

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    Make someone happy and you will eventually become happy. Try it!
     
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  18. MaxGorlov
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    I think the above practical solutions were all good. I'd like to suggest some things in terms of mentality.

    First of all, perhaps happiness is not a great goal. It's fleeting and temporary at best; you can never be permanently happy. A better goal could be:

    - Service
    - Adventure

    These things make better targets than happiness. If you dedicate yourself to providing value to other people, what you'll find is that putting a smile on their faces makes YOU feel good. Happiness is a bit elusive, but doing meaningful things that are genuinely kind and useful for other people actually winds up making you happy too. Karma, I suppose. This could be a business that provides enormous value to its customers, or volunteering, or even just helping out your parents by tidying the house for them. Instead of asking, 'how do I be happy', try asking, 'how can I bring happiness to the people around me'? You will then feel better by default.

    Secondly, adventure is a good goal because it's more flexible than 'happiness'. Happiness is a temporary sense of wellbeing and joy; it's gone as soon as something unlucky, unpleasant or uncomfortable happens (which is often). Adventure, on the other hand, allows you to feel a range of emotions in the pursuit of something grander than just 'happiness'. Be like Frodo or Batman or Odysseus. They're not always happy in their stories, but if they were it would be boring. Rather, they encounter a range of feelings as they pursue a greater goal; all of those emotions make their stories rich and meaningful. Your life ought to approximate a rich, varied, meaningful adventure, a narrative, as opposed to a 'happy' slip down an easy slide.

    Just my two cents :) Do your best buddy!
     
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  19. MaxGorlov
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    We need a 'The Happiness Fastlane' next. Or 'The Health Fastlane', 'The Dating Fastlane'... Someone write em!
     
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  20. Danny Sullivan
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    There's so much good advice in here that there's not much to add to it, besides something that's overlooked by the majority of people all the time: Mental hygiene.

    This TED Talk might explain what's meant by that.



    You can also write down a number of things you want to try in your life. The more experiences you gather, the wider your look on life itself will become and the more things you will be able to spot that provide satisfaction to you and / or provide a way to make an income out of it.

    Here are some things that i wrote down for myself:

    - Eating healthy (vegan, just in case that it matters)
    - Working out 3-4 times a week
    - Running at least 4-5 miles per week
    - Running at least 4-5 miles per week with a dog (optional)
    - Swimming at least once a week
    - Taking dogs from animal shelters for a walk, once a week
    - Reading at least 30-60 minutes each day
    - Learn a new language (sign-language, mandarin, french, spanish, russian, italian, arabic)
    - Learn about dividend investing and option trading
    - Helping out on farms on a regular basis
    - Climbing
    - Archery
    - Smithing
    - Carpentry | working with wood in general
    - Riding a horse
    - Play the guitar
    - Learn how to throw an axe accurately without hurting myself or anyone else
    - Kickboxing / boxing
    - Paragliding
    - Diving

    So everytime your mind gets bored and wants to trick you into playing videogames for a while, you got a nice list to look up on and decide what you can do right now to conquer the urge to play games.

    I played videogames on a daily basis, although it's been quite a while. I bought a new game some time ago, which i was eager to play and ease my mind with. I played it like 1 hour, 4 months ago. Because i also had this list that was on my mind.

    Best of luck to you.
     
    Wiezel likes this.

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