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HOT TOPIC How do you become a happy person?

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Wiezel

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** PLEASE IGNORE ALL MY PREVIOUS POSTS **

I want to start off with that. It was all stuff that came in to my mind and I thought 'oh, I can make money that way'. I finally realize the main goal should not be money. It's a 'reward' for delivering help to the needed.

I'm 24, no job and living at my parents place.
I'm happy in my personal life, got a girlfriend, family and kind friends.
But on the other side.. I've tried multiple studies, jobs and tried to launch multiple own business but it all ended up in a horrible feeling 'this isn't it.. this is not the thing which is going to make you happy'.

I've been fighting against it since I was around 17/18 years old and it never really got any better.
I have NO clue what I want! What I enjoy the most, what I want to do for a living, what my interests are (I guess gaming isn't a thing to get going). Besides having a good time with my girlfriend I play videogames and that's it... I know I should DO more but I've no clue on what.. I tried multiple Udemy courses in different niches, took several jobs, different studies etc and it all ended up; I'm not happy.

I'm really close to giving up on all and just accept my fate I won't accomplish something in my life what is going to make me truly happy or give me a reason to wake up with a smile.

Really desperate and kind of finding my solution here.. so please don't be too harsh on me.. I really need help to get out of this unhappy circle and become a happy human being.
 

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Wiggly0607

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Good for you for reaching out and admitting you aren't happy with the way things are. Nothing changes unless you see things as they are first.

That being said, you're still only 24, so give yourself a break. You have time. Im 45 now and still figuring stuff out, and when I look back to when I was 24, I thought I knew what I was doing, but I had no clue.

Next recommendation is that you need to challenge yourself. I haven't read your previous posts since Im just getting active on here again, but it sounds like (if you are living at your parents house) you aren't in a place where you have enough discomfort to force you into a "WTF moment" where you light a fire under your a$$ and get moving.

Moving out on your own would dramatically increase your confidence, even if you struggle. You'll have to depend on yourself.

Surround yourself with positivity. Read good books. Watch YouTube videos from people you admire.

AND always stop to take moments to be grateful. It seems like a cliche, but it's true. You are 24, and have the rest of your life in front of you to "figure things out" and make yourself a life you are proud of.
 

Jeff Noel

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give yourself a break. You have time.
Although I understand your point, I think the problem is that he feels like he's wasting his time trying to find something that makes him genuinely happy and never finding satisfaction.

@Wiezel What is something you like, that you wish you would do more ? You said you liked gaming. Is it more like a casual hobby, or you enjoy being competitive and taking the first position on the leaderboards ?

In your favorite video game of the moment, would you say your skill level is above average ? You could record videos (since everybody is streaming lately, quality videos are lacking) of tips and tricks for regular people.

You're a casual player and don't care about getting better ? Then why not stream while playing. Stream and be yourself. If you enjoy streaming with 0 viewers, then perhaps you can keep going and tell your friends to watch you, then make a quick FB Page and share videos/stream highlights there, etc.

At least, your hobby could end up growing into something bigger.
 

mikey3times

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“A man is about as happy as he makes his mind up to be.”

These are very wise words. Try it. When you notice negative thoughts, stop and reset yourself by practicing some gratitude.

I agree with the posts above. Cut yourself some slack. You are young. You should be out exploring, meeting people, and trying new things.

Keep in mind that you are learning. You might not yet have learned what you want to do, but you are learning what you don’t want to do. That is progress. Keep making forward progress. Eventually something will come along, probably when you stop looking.
 
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Wiezel

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Good for you for reaching out and admitting you aren't happy with the way things are. Nothing changes unless you see things as they are first.

That being said, you're still only 24, so give yourself a break. You have time. Im 45 now and still figuring stuff out, and when I look back to when I was 24, I thought I knew what I was doing, but I had no clue.

Next recommendation is that you need to challenge yourself. I haven't read your previous posts since Im just getting active on here again, but it sounds like (if you are living at your parents house) you aren't in a place where you have enough discomfort to force you into a "WTF moment" where you light a fire under your a$$ and get moving.

Moving out on your own would dramatically increase your confidence, even if you struggle. You'll have to depend on yourself.

Surround yourself with positivity. Read good books. Watch YouTube videos from people you admire.

AND always stop to take moments to be grateful. It seems like a cliche, but it's true. You are 24, and have the rest of your life in front of you to "figure things out" and make yourself a life you are proud of.
Thank you for your reply.
My number 1 on the list is absolute get out of my parents house and start deciding stuff on my own.
But there's a problem... like a big one. Currently I do not have a job (read; no money), renting a house/place is way too expensive (they always require you to earn a certain income x4 the rental price, which is way too high for a single person). So how do I ever get out of here...?

I don't mind moving to the other side of the country (The Netherlands) since the houses are a bit cheaper there.. but how do I find a job across the country without even living there already?
 
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Wiezel

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“A man is about as happy as he makes his mind up to be.”

These are very wise words. Try it. When you notice negative thoughts, stop and reset yourself by practicing some gratitude.

I agree with the posts above. Cut yourself some slack. You are young. You should be out exploring, meeting people, and trying new things.

Keep in mind that you are learning. You might not yet have learned what you want to do, but you are learning what you don’t want to do. That is progress. Keep making forward progress. Eventually something will come along, probably when you stop looking.
Thank you for your reply.
"You should be out exploring, meeting people, and trying new things." That's exactly what I did and didn't work out for me. I'm still in the same sh*tty place as I was 7/8 years ago. How should I explore more? Jump in to my car and drive to nowhere in the hope of finding something? Like how does that work?
 
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Wiezel

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Although I understand your point, I think the problem is that he feels like he's wasting his time trying to find something that makes him genuinely happy and never finding satisfaction.

@Wiezel What is something you like, that you wish you would do more ? You said you liked gaming. Is it more like a casual hobby, or you enjoy being competitive and taking the first position on the leaderboards ?

In your favorite video game of the moment, would you say your skill level is above average ? You could record videos (since everybody is streaming lately, quality videos are lacking) of tips and tricks for regular people.

You're a casual player and don't care about getting better ? Then why not stream while playing. Stream and be yourself. If you enjoy streaming with 0 viewers, then perhaps you can keep going and tell your friends to watch you, then make a quick FB Page and share videos/stream highlights there, etc.

At least, your hobby could end up growing into something bigger.
Thank you for your reply.

Gaming is just a casual hobby. I think it's a way for me to escape the negative thoughts in my head because if my computer was shut down from now on I have no clue what I should do, probably lay in bed and wait until they day is over. I really don't know what I should do then. It's my escape object to not think about negative stuff which matter way more.

I do enjoy media (art, video's, photos etc) and when I was younger I had a gaming YouTube channel.
I think I would still enjoy doing that... but I don't enjoy gaming as much then I was younger, I was competitive those days and I really enjoyed uploading videos.. as now I can't even think of an idea people might enjoy watching or something I would enjoy creating while gaming. Next to that my parents are influencing me in that as well "that's not a real job" "go do something useful" so I would love to get out of my parents house so I can really start doing my own thing.

Currently I do not have a job (read; no money), renting a house/place is way too expensive (they always require you to earn a certain income x4 the rental price, which is way too high for a single person). So how do I ever get out of here...?
 

Wiggly0607

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Thank you for your reply.
My number 1 on the list is absolute get out of my parents house and start deciding stuff on my own.
But there's a problem... like a big one. Currently I do not have a job (read; no money), renting a house/place is way too expensive (they always require you to earn a certain income x4 the rental price, which is way too high for a single person). So how do I ever get out of here...?

I don't moving to the other side of the country (The Netherlands) since the houses are a bit cheaper there.. but how do I find a job across the country without even living there already?
If you make it a HAVE TO, you will find a way. Personally, I'd go out and apply for jobs everywhere. Let go of any ego, and find a job or two (I worked several in college, just to get by) and start saving up. Then set a deadline to move out. You've got to make it a MUST or you'll sit there, at your parents house, safe, with a roof over your head, and still UNHAPPY
 
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Wiezel

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If you make it a HAVE TO, you will find a way. Personally, I'd go out and apply for jobs everywhere. Let go of any ego, and find a job or two (I worked several in college, just to get by) and start saving up. Then set a deadline to move out. You've got to make it a MUST or you'll sit there, at your parents house, safe, with a roof over your head, and still UNHAPPY
I get that! That's why I always did though, got several jobs even though I didn't enjoy them.
The main problem here is that let's say monthly rent is $1000. Here in The Netherlands they will ask you to have that amount times 3/3.5/4x in monthly earnings. So that will be $3500-$4000 made by 1 person.

That's totally not achieveable for me at this point.
If I were able to move out tomorrow but have a less fancy job to make that happen I would do it right away, I need the personal space but it's just not possible. I don't mind going abroad as well but where the hell do I start that? Why would a foreign company hire me (while I'm only 24) when I don't even live there (yet)...?
 
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I get that! That's why I always did though, got several jobs even though I didn't enjoy them.
The main problem here is that let's say monthly rent is $1000. Here in The Netherlands they will ask you to have that amount times 3/3.5/4x in monthly earnings. So that will be $3500-$4000 made by 1 person.

That's totally not achieveable for me at this point.
If I were able to move out tomorrow but have a less fancy job to make that happen I would do it right away, I need the personal space but it's just not possible. I don't mind going abroad as well but where the hell do I start that? Why would a foreign company hire me (while I'm only 24) when I don't even live there (yet)...?
Change your mindset.

upload_2019-4-2_14-37-10.png

Let's say you find a minimum wage 40 hours/week job. That's 373.20 euros/week. That means, in 21.5 working days you have 1000 euros. Work 4 months, acquire experience.

Boom, enough money (if you don't spend it) for a brand new place... and you got experience. Now you have more options, because you can find a job that's not minimum wage, you learnt things about either marketing or customer support (you learn a lot about customer support while working at Wal-Mart or MacDonald's, for example).

That's just a plan I wrote in five minutes. There's a ton of details I didn't mention, but if you change your mindset, those details won't be obstacles.
 

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Really desperate and kind of finding my solution here.. so please don't be too harsh on me.. I really need help to get out of this unhappy circle and become a happy human being.
It comes down to focusing one thing at a time. What have you done long-term versus short-term gains. In the projects you have tried, what did you learn from the experience?

What I hear most of the time from those in their younger years is they're supposed to have their whole life planned out by the age of 25. Life rarely happens this way. Usually there are twists and turns, different experiences we encounter which might teach us something of value to take us further in life. A good way to get a feel for what you want to do is through internships, work experiences, and making a small commitment to get a feel for a specific area.

There are probably tons of Entrepreneurs in your area who probably need something done, and some even searching for volunteers. I know some people who do this two hours a week, but learn something of value.

Doing it myself, I learned how to write grants, was educated on a lot of hidden behind the scenes information, I'll never be able to talk about, but I still have knowledge, insight, and wisdom from that experience others might not have.
I learned many different things at all my internships and work experiences. Sometimes this is only for ten weeks, but you might learn tons of stuff about running a business, doing fund raisers, campaigns, advertising, marketing, technology, etc.
 
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Wiezel

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Change your mindset.

View attachment 24240

Let's say you find a minimum wage 40 hours/week job. That's 373.20 euros/week. That means, in 21.5 working days you have 1000 euros. Work 4 months, acquire experience.

Boom, enough money (if you don't spend it) for a brand new place... and you got experience. Now you have more options, because you can find a job that's not minimum wage, you learnt things about either marketing or customer support (you learn a lot about customer support while working at Wal-Mart or MacDonald's, for example).

That's just a plan I wrote in five minutes. There's a ton of details I didn't mention, but if you change your mindset, those details won't be obstacles.
Maybe I don't understand it or you are not familiar with the Dutch system.
When you rent a place/room, let's say to be easy it's $1000 a month. Yes I can live there for 4 months and get a job next to it, easy math.

BUT, when you want to rent a house/room or w.e. they require you the earn a minimum of 3/3.5x times the monthly rent and they want a document where is written (provided by your employer) how much you earn, how many hours you work and what type of contract you have. There's a huge shortage of lower priced houses in The Netherlands (people have to wait 6/7 (!!!) years before they can get their house).
 

Jeff Noel

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Okay, I misunderstood you. So you're saying only people earning 4000 euros per month can purchase a house right now, and even then they'd have to be on a waiting list ?

people have to wait 6/7 (!!!) years before they can get their house
Appartment/house/place problem
So what's the solution here ? You know the Dutch system way better than I do (nil), what's your plan on the matter ?
Do you really want a house/appartment ? If so, what will you do to get it ?

What are the other possibilities ?

One way to reach happiness is to define goals or objectives and meet them. What are some goals you can set yourself ?

-Face and win over X fear.
-Weigh XXX pounds.
-Lift XXX pounds.
-Run for XX kilometers.
-Earn X,XXX/month.
-Purchase XYZ for my girlfriend.
-Puchase XYZ for myself.
-Travel to X country.
-Rent a day of racing a rented car on a racetrack.
-Try parachute.

There's a ton of things you can do. You'll need to defined them yourself and look at that list everyday. And everyday, you'll have to make a list of things you can do that day do get closer to your goals.

One thing is for sure though: only YOU can make your own happiness.
 

Mattie

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There's a huge shortage of lower priced houses in The Netherlands (people have to wait 6/7 (!!!) years before they can get their house).
isn't this usually due to they put certain people priority over others in the population. Perhaps medical, elderly, disabled, etc. My partner is saying that it doesn't take 6/7 years. From what I've seen is there is a number of people who apply, they evaluate who it is and who is first priority. But this is in the south, may be different in the North.
 
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Wiezel

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Okay, I misunderstood you. So you're saying only people earning 4000 euros per month can purchase a house right now, and even then they'd have to be on a waiting list ?


Appartment/house/place problem
So what's the solution here ? You know the Dutch system way better than I do (nil), what's your plan on the matter ?
Do you really want a house/appartment ? If so, what will you do to get it ?

What are the other possibilities ?

One way to reach happiness is to define goals or objectives and meet them. What are some goals you can set yourself ?

-Face and win over X fear.
-Weigh XXX pounds.
-Lift XXX pounds.
-Run for XX kilometers.
-Earn X,XXX/month.
-Purchase XYZ for my girlfriend.
-Puchase XYZ for myself.
-Travel to X country.
-Rent a day of racing a rented car on a racetrack.
-Try parachute.

There's a ton of things you can do. You'll need to defined them yourself and look at that list everyday. And everyday, you'll have to make a list of things you can do that day do get closer to your goals.

One thing is for sure though: only YOU can make your own happiness.
No problem!
Yes, in and near the big cities that's correct. If you want to live in Amsterdam (as a couple/young parents) there's a waiting list for over 6/7 years (lower tier/cheaper houses). We do have rooms but most of the times that's for students only (€400-€500 a month).

Therefore I was thinking to find a job which is further away from the big cities (it's cheaper). But how do I get a job like 2 hours away from here while I don't even live nearby etc?

I'm really desperate because of that... I really want my own place I know it will give me so much less stress and I'll be able to do more, 100% sure.
 

MTEE1985

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I'm happy in my personal life, got a girlfriend, family and kind friends.
Interestingly enough, there are many more people who are financially successful looking for happiness in the areas where you are already happy.

So in reality, you are not actually unhappy correct?

What it sounds like you are is comfortable. Living with your parents, spending time with your girlfriend, video games...all comfortable. You will not find your path to purpose through comfort.

I don’t necessarily think you need to leave your parents house for this as that can be a major asset to not have the expenses associated with living by yourself when you’re first starting out. What you need to do is figure out what scares you, what makes you uncomfortable and you need to go after it. It will help you grow exponentially.

Second, if you aren’t exercising everyday, start today. If you aren’t reading books (where are you MFL and Unscripted badges??) start today. Write down your goals no matter how audacious they may be. Figure out what you would do if money wasn’t an issue.

Lastly, change your mindset. When people mention you renting your own place you’re first reaction is “here’s why I can’t do that” it needs to change to “how can I do that”
 
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Wiezel

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isn't this usually due to they put certain people priority over others in the population. Perhaps medical, elderly, disabled, etc. My partner is saying that it doesn't take 6/7 years. From what I've seen is there is a number of people who apply, they evaluate who it is and who is first priority. But this is in the south, may be different in the North.
It's different in certain parts yes, big cities have big waiting lists.
If you go more north the problem is less big.
 
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Wiezel

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Interestingly enough, there are many more people who are financially successful looking for happiness in the areas where you are already happy.

So in reality, you are not actually unhappy correct?

What it sounds like you are is comfortable. Living with your parents, spending time with your girlfriend, video games...all comfortable. You will not find your path to purpose through comfort.

I don’t necessarily think you need to leave your parents house for this as that can be a major asset to not have the expenses associated with living by yourself when you’re first starting out. What you need to do is figure out what scares you, what makes you uncomfortable and you need to go after it. It will help you grow exponentially.

Second, if you aren’t exercising everyday, start today. If you aren’t reading books (where are you MFL and Unscripted badges??) start today. Write down your goals no matter how audacious they may be. Figure out what you would do if money wasn’t an issue.

Lastly, change your mindset. When people mention you renting your own place you’re first reaction is “here’s why I can’t do that” it needs to change to “how can I do that”
I'm happy in the personal setting regarding my girlfriend, friends etc.
But of course a big part next to that is what you do in your life, what kind of work/business, where you live etc and that's the part which is making me unhappy. So I would say it's 51% happy, 49% unhappy. I would love to have it 80% atleast.

Exercising as in running/walking etc? Or mental excersises? Oh and I read both books, haven't added the badges.
 

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I have found my happiness comes from a place of thankfulness because it is a moving target if there ever was one.

I have a beautiful and kind wife, a nice house on a golf course, two reliable vehicles, no money worries, we travel a few times a year, I have enough free time. A lot of people probably wish they were in this position. What’s not to like? Yet sometimes it creeps in I find myself feeling like I should have more... More what? Homes, cars and airplanes? More more more...

Years ago I decided that mentality was crap... My lifestyle has progressively increased over time... So, it stands to reason if I didn’t get my fulfillment from what I had, more wasn’t going to do it.

When I am thankful, I am more happy, content, fulfilled and get this... MORE EFFECTIVE. Why? Because I am working more for a legacy than anything else at this point. For my eventual kids to get to see their dad do amazing things. For their kids. To build something awesome.

Will I buy a bigger home and better cars and airplanes some day? Yes, of course. I like that stuff, but I need to be thankful or it’s not going to do anything for me.

Work on being thankful is the best advice I can give!
 

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NandoJr

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“A man is about as happy as he makes his mind up to be.”

These are very wise words. Try it. When you notice negative thoughts, stop and reset yourself by practicing some gratitude.

I agree with the posts above. Cut yourself some slack. You are young. You should be out exploring, meeting people, and trying new things.

Keep in mind that you are learning. You might not yet have learned what you want to do, but you are learning what you don’t want to do. That is progress. Keep making forward progress. Eventually something will come along, probably when you stop looking.
Where is that quote from? I really like it!
 

MTEE1985

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I'm happy in the personal setting regarding my girlfriend, friends etc.
But of course a big part next to that is what you do in your life, what kind of work/business, where you live etc and that's the part which is making me unhappy. So I would say it's 51% happy, 49% unhappy. I would love to have it 80% atleast.

Exercising as in running/walking etc? Or mental excersises? Oh and I read both books, haven't added the badges.
At this stage if you’re doing nothing, just do something. Walk, run, lift, sports, anything will help. And yes, mental exercises too. Read the Miracle Morning and actually follow through with it. A lot of it, especially the journaling, is along what @Kak is talking about. Gratitude, meditation, etc. it sounds like you have a lot to be thankful for.

List out areas of your life and where you are from 1-10. Then what a 10 looks like and finally, how will you get to a 10. It won’t happen overnight but repetitive and consistent action will get you where you want to be.
 
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Wiggly0607

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[QUOTE="MTEE1985, post: 770227, member: 57552"

Second, if you aren’t exercising everyday, start today. If you aren’t reading books (where are you MFL and Unscripted badges??) start today. Write down your goals no matter how audacious they may be. Figure out what you would do if money wasn’t an issue.

”[/QUOTE]

Good point about the badges, I didn't even notice that. Assumed all folks on here had done that.

Start TMF today!
 
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[QUOTE="MTEE1985, post: 770227, member: 57552"

Second, if you aren’t exercising everyday, start today. If you aren’t reading books (where are you MFL and Unscripted badges??) start today. Write down your goals no matter how audacious they may be. Figure out what you would do if money wasn’t an issue.

Good point about the badges, I didn't even notice that. Assumed all folks on here had done that.

Start TMF today![/QUOTE]

I've read both, just don't have the badges. I just responsed in both topics so I get the badges. :)
 

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As soon as I read

I'm 24, no job and living at my parents place.
It wasn't hard to figure out why you're unhappy.

If you're an adult still dependent on your parents, spending day in day out doing nothing while your peers are progressing, how are you going to be happy?

Set a goal for yourself. Anything. Maybe you want to travel, maybe you want to live in a nice house, maybe you want to take your gf out for a nice dinner, maybe you want to be a pro gamer and need a way to support yourself...

The point is, have a north star. Don't just work for the sake of working, have an ideal in mind.

And then just do it.

I can tell you're stuck in your head by everything you've said. You need to just get out of your head and put in the work. When you do that you'll feel a lot better.
 

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** PLEASE IGNORE ALL MY PREVIOUS POSTS **

I want to start off with that. It was all stuff that came in to my mind and I thought 'oh, I can make money that way'. I finally realize the main goal should not be money. It's a 'reward' for delivering help to the needed.

I'm 24, no job and living at my parents place.
I'm happy in my personal life, got a girlfriend, family and kind friends.
But on the other side.. I've tried multiple studies, jobs and tried to launch multiple own business but it all ended up in a horrible feeling 'this isn't it.. this is not the thing which is going to make you happy'.

I've been fighting against it since I was around 17/18 years old and it never really got any better.
I have NO clue what I want! What I enjoy the most, what I want to do for a living, what my interests are (I guess gaming isn't a thing to get going). Besides having a good time with my girlfriend I play videogames and that's it... I know I should DO more but I've no clue on what.. I tried multiple Udemy courses in different niches, took several jobs, different studies etc and it all ended up; I'm not happy.

I'm really close to giving up on all and just accept my fate I won't accomplish something in my life what is going to make me truly happy or give me a reason to wake up with a smile.

Really desperate and kind of finding my solution here.. so please don't be too harsh on me.. I really need help to get out of this unhappy circle and become a happy human being.
Check out Jordan Peterson. His books are great and his YouTube channel addresses this issue directly.

He says that happiness is less important than having meaning and purpose. It's true right?

If you have a child and you take responsibility for making sure it survives, your happiness is secondary to that childs survival. The fact that you succeed in fulfilling your responsibility puts a smile on your face.

He surmises that the key to a good life is taking responsibility. Lifting a load. Doing something that isn't easy.

I agree.

I know that during times of my life when I was doing exactly what I knew I was supposed to be doing, my life felt like it had meaning.

He references a book called Man's Seach For Meaning a lot. I haven't read it but it's on my list.

Here's a montage video of Peterson lectures. Maybe it will provide a good intro for you to know if you want to hear more. Good luck.

View: https://youtu.be/HLP7jEVIh8U
 

LinorCG

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Serve! (Provide service, help, assistance, to provide service).
You can do it for free and then build from there.

Personally, there's a satisfaction I feel when I am able to provide something to someone. That satisfaction makes me feel happy. Hopefully, that can start you in a path of happiness.
 

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