How do you become strong willed and stand for yourself?

[fastermillionair]

21 years old college student here. I struggle to stand for myself and am weak willed. Weak willed in the sense that I have social anxiety which is why I avoid all confrontation/ arguments etc.,. This has often lead to me being bullied in the past, and for me was a problem as I never really felt strong enough to stand for myself. I have always wanted to stand for myself and say what I want to without having the fear of getting into a fight or anything. And I think about it alot but I have never really gotten rid of it. I repeatedly find myself in situations where I should stand for myself but i am unable to. Even during banter with the boys I find myself unable to retort back, even though it shouldn't be like that. This is the time I should be enjoying myself out there without giving a F*ck and kicking a$$ and I want to but I am finding difficult to get rid of this irrational fear of getting into a fight and of getting hit.

 

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[MycoMan]

21 years old college student here. I struggle to stand for myself and am weak willed. Weak willed in the sense that I have social anxiety which is why I avoid all confrontation/ arguments etc.,. This has often lead to me being bullied in the past, and for me was a problem as I never really felt strong enough to stand for myself. I have always wanted to stand for myself and say what I want to without having the fear of getting into a fight or anything. And I think about it alot but I have never really gotten rid of it. I repeatedly find myself in situations where I should stand for myself but i am unable to. Even during banter with the boys I find myself unable to retort back, even though it shouldn't be like that. This is the time I should be enjoying myself out there without giving a F*ck and kicking a$$ and I want to but I am finding difficult to get rid of this irrational fear of getting into a fight and of getting hit.

Its pretty simple. If you are scared of getting into a fight or being punched, learn to fight and get punched a lot. Join a boxing gym.

 

[Voracity]

Its pretty simple. If you are scared of getting into a fight or being punched, learn to fight and get punched a lot. Join a boxing gym.

This is it right here. No better way to gain confidence.

 

[Angler]

struggle to stand for myself and am weak willed

Here are some question you should honestly answer for yourself. All of this is for you to find out more about who you are. If you don’t have the courage to answer these questions then what Ill be writing will fall onto deaf ears.
Please don’t let my words be a waste.

Understanding yourself is the first step to not taking shit from others because you demand better of yourself. You know who you are and you know what you want.

And because of this, you know what you will accept and will not tolerate.

If someone give you shit you know you can always walk away and that they’re just bad apples. You’re better than that. If they don’t like you, they’re missing out. And you’re moving on.

Physical bullying? Get jacked. Go to the gym. Become someone who is not easy to pick on.

Anyways.

1) Do you respect yourself enough to hold higher standards for yourself even when nobody is watching? If not then why? Some insecurity? Some flaw? Some weakness? What can you do to work on them if not accept them?

2) Do you give off a push over vibe? You say you’re weak willed. What does this mean? Is the weak willed caused by giving in to unnatural distractions even when you know it’s bad for you(porn, games, social media, etc.)? Saying yes to these things again and again will kill your self esteem. They’re design to keep you submissive and like you described, passive and voiceless. They’ll turn your brain into mush if you let ‘em. In fact you can’t even hold eye contact if you are addicted to any of these. How do I know? I used to be a gamer.

3) Why haven’t you done something about it until now? What fears or rationalization is in the way? Will you be fine living in fears like this the rest of your life?

I could be plain and honest and say step up for yourself and stop being a pussy but sometime that doesn’t work because you have mental blockages. I had mental blockages too.

Find these blockages and remove them through self questioning. You must dig into your inner world and debug them or else you’ll just dabble with the next “confidence hack”. No one has these fixes but you! It’s your responsibility to find the precise questions and answer that will fix YOUR problems.

Hacks don’t work by the way. They’ll just reinforce how much you’re lacking. Reinforcing a negative will never create something positive. It’ll create an angry 20 year old.

I got a lot of questions I used to probe myself, most of them in my journal, so DM me if you need more questions.

 

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[Johnny boy]

I have a firm rule that I spend 0 time on anyone who doesn't like me, believe in me, support me, etc. So I have zero need to "stand up for myself". People who would F*ck with me just aren't my friends. Every person in my life is there by choice.

My girlfriend is my choice. If I don't like her I can get rid of her.

My friends are my choice. If I don't like them I can get rid of them.

My employees are my choice. If I don't like them I can get rid of them.

My customers are my choice. If I don't like them I can get rid of them.

I can do this at any time. So all the people in my life are the people I put there. It's awesome. I suggest you do the same.

That's the best advice I can give, instead of you having to "stand up for yourself" against people who don't respect you, just leave.

"But it's just back and forth between the guys". I don't really care. I only spend time on people who are on my team, gassing me up, helping me, etc.

Now, to deal with your fear of fighting...Yeah you 100% need to join a MMA gym with real fighters. Get punched in the face, get some bloody lips and dish some out. It feels good.

Hit the gym, do cool shit, build up your confidence by looking good as possible, learn to fight, start a business, etc. Unless you've got some real awesome friends, you should spend less time with them and get to work on building your life and become unrecognizable in a couple years.

 

[Black_Dragon43]

I have a firm rule that I spend 0 time on anyone who doesn't like me, believe in me, support me, etc. So I have zero need to "stand up for myself". People who would F*ck with me just aren't my friends. Every person in my life is there by choice.

So if you never spend time with people who are critical of you (ie, who don’t believe in you), how do you get to see if you’re wrong or if you have a blind spot about something?

Imo, I like people who are critical of me even when I disagree with them. They always push you and if you know how to use them in the right way, they do make you better. Imo one should never be afraid of the truth, no matter how much it hurts in the short run. The truth will make you stronger.

 

[Johnny boy]

So if you never spend time with people who are critical of you (ie, who don’t believe in you), how do you get to see if you’re wrong or if you have a blind spot about something?

Imo, I like people who are critical of me even when I disagree with them. They always push you and if you know how to use them in the right way, they do make you better. Imo one should never be afraid of the truth, no matter how much it hurts in the short run. The truth will make you stronger.

If people are shitting on you and you think that's the "truth" then you have low self esteem. Why do people equate truth with negativity? Low self worth.

Just because you're the boss/king/patriarch of your life and social circle doesn't mean that you're going to have blind spots. It just means your life is better.

I spend 0 time on drama as a result of it. I get feedback all the time. All of my friends are business owners.

I have friends who are further ahead than me, but they all think "Johnny boy is pretty cool, he's gonna do well".

Go be the boss wherever you can, and then grow from there. Do not be some nerd in the shadows where nobody thinks anything of you.

Lots of successful people like to virtue signal and say shit like "never be the smartest person in the room, I am always learning" but then go and actually do everything I just described. It's virtue signaling. It's a cliche used to sound humble.

The ONLY utility of negative people who don't believe in you is to make you think "F*ck that stupid bitch" and get you fired up, angry, and incredibly focused.

I never have to "stand up for myself" I just replace them. Constant filtering. As a result I love everyone in my life and they are all on my team.

The number one trait I look for is appreciation.

Appreciation drives all other behaviors that you want.

A girl will not cheat on you if she appreciates your value.

An employee will not lie about the work they're doing if they appreciate the opportunity to work there.

A friend will not throw you under the bus if they appreciate you.

A customer will not berate your customer service reps if they appreciate that you even offer your services to them.

I do not spend any time on people who do not appreciate me. People that think little of you will do all sorts of f*cked up stuff. You'll have endless drama with employees, customers, girlfriends, friends, etc.

Get good at firing the people in your life that you do not like and that don't like you. There's billions of others! Why settle for the people that think you suck. Easiest way to improve your life.

 

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[WillHurtDontCare]

I do not spend any time on people who do not appreciate me. People that think little of you will do all sorts of f*cked up stuff. You'll have endless drama with employees, customers, girlfriends, friends, etc.

Get good at firing the people in your life that you do not like and that don't like you. There's billions of others! Why settle for the people that think you suck. Easiest way to improve your life.

100%

There are too many great people on earth to waste your time with people who bring you down.

A lot of people's problems come down to the fact that they don't put enough effort into finding better alternatives to what they have.

You should have a constant influx of new people in your life. Now, I'm not saying to spend 40+ hours a week trying to meet 20 new people every week, but you will stop caring about your bad relationships (friends, romantic, business, everything) if you have a pipeline of stellar replacements.

Most people you meet aren't supposed to be in your life forever.

 

[Black_Dragon43]

If people are shitting on you and you think that's the "truth" then you have low self esteem. Why do people equate truth with negativity? Low self worth.

It's not always the truth, but it could be some of the time. It's not low self worth to admit you're wrong when you really are - that's actually high self-worth. I simply said you should listen to things around you, including critical things, and then decide if they're meaningful or not for you.

Just because you're the boss/king/patriarch of your life and social circle doesn't mean that you're going to have blind spots.

It's just a fact of life that we all have blind spots. We don't choose to have them, and we don't eliminate them by just wishing them away. You have a physical one with your eyes (

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXzgokis33I&ab_channel=NewYorkHallOfScience
) and you also have a mental one.

It doesn't matter that you're the boss/king/patriarch, you will still have a blind spot. That's why you need good advisors and so on around you to help you out. This isn't to say that you shouldn't listen to your gut, or that you should always do what others say, and so on. No, absolutely not. I simply said take it into consideration, and decide if it's worth listening to or not. That's what you do as the boss/king.

I spend 0 time on drama as a result of it. I get feedback all the time. All of my friends are business owners.

I have friends who are further ahead than me, but they all think "Johnny boy is pretty cool, he's gonna do well".

That's awesome!

The number one trait I look for is appreciation.

Appreciation is changeable though... I may appreciate you one day, and tomorrow you do something different and I no longer appreciate you. In my business I try to surround myself with smart people who have complementary skills to mine... they are strong in areas where I'm weak. But the most important quality by far is what I call character - if someone has character they will not cheat on you, etc. That's not so easy to judge for instantly, and you may get it wrong, but it's really valuable to keep such people around. Especially in times when you may be weak, they will not leave you or even worse pounce on you.

 

[fastermillionair]

Fa

I have a firm rule that I spend 0 time on anyone who doesn't like me, believe in me, support me, etc. So I have zero need to "stand up for myself". People who would F*ck with me just aren't my friends. Every person in my life is there by choice.

My girlfriend is my choice. If I don't like her I can get rid of her.

My friends are my choice. If I don't like them I can get rid of them.

My employees are my choice. If I don't like them I can get rid of them.

My customers are my choice. If I don't like them I can get rid of them.

I can do this at any time. So all the people in my life are the people I put there. It's awesome. I suggest you do the same.

That's the best advice I can give, instead of you having to "stand up for yourself" against people who don't respect you, just leave.

"But it's just back and forth between the guys". I don't really care. I only spend time on people who are on my team, gassing me up, helping me, etc.

Now, to deal with your fear of fighting...Yeah you 100% need to join a MMA gym with real fighters. Get punched in the face, get some bloody lips and dish some out. It feels good.

Hit the gym, do cool shit, build up your confidence by looking good as possible, learn to fight, start a business, etc. Unless you've got some real awesome friends, you should spend less time with them and get to work on building your life and become unrecognizable in a couple years.

Fair enough.

But I dont think it's wrong to mess with each other, for fun obviously. There are times it does go too far, and i guess that's where I struggle to draw the line and enforce my boundaries. I have been bullied a couple of times but it's mostly just been down to me not being able to retort back.

And its easy to say 'get rid of em'. I struggled with socializing in school and college and in university was able to find some good people, and there have been times I have gotten rid of people over the years for many reasons but I keep doing that and I will end up a loner. I reckon it's just better to build better relationships and enjoy rather as long as there is mutual respect. How do you define that tho? Because its something I struggle with. When I was in school I was bullied by my supposed 'best friends' for a long time and eventually had to cut em out as it was getting too much.

 

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[Johnny boy]

Fa

Fair enough.

But I dont think it's wrong to mess with each other, for fun obviously. There are times it does go too far, and i guess that's where I struggle to draw the line and enforce my boundaries. I have been bullied a couple of times but it's mostly just been down to me not being able to retort back.

And its easy to say 'get rid of em'. I struggled with socializing in school and college and in university was able to find some good people, and there have been times I have gotten rid of people over the years for many reasons but I keep doing that and I will end up a loner. I reckon it's just better to build better relationships and enjoy rather as long as there is mutual respect. How do you define that tho? Because its something I struggle with. When I was in school I was bullied by my supposed 'best friends' for a long time and eventually had to cut em out as it was getting too much.

Go be a loner for a bit then.

You’re just admitting you don’t have standards because you’re afraid of being alone

 

[starttoday123]

IMHO don’t let your social goals be confused with your financial goals. Separate the two and go after both and keep measuring your progress