Guilty conscience when not working on business – what to do

[Taktik]

A couple of years ago I started a company and then something really stressing occured: I had a guilty conscience, when I was not working on my business, but instead did something else, like reading a book, meeting friends or just watching a film. All the time I felt like I could do something for my business and that I should do that.
That feeling stayed even on days when I really worked hard and just wanted a break.

Now, that I am starting a new project again, the feeling is back.

The problem is, that this feeling drains me of energy and after a couple of weeks I can't really enjoy life anymore, because there is always that nagging thought, that I should work on my business and not meeting friends or stuff like that. I am loosing all motivation to go on, because life just feels like a rat race. There is no fun anymore.

The problem is, that I haven't really found a solution for that. The feeling went away after shutting down my first company (which was, among other things, due to a lack of motivation), but now it is back.

Have you ever experienced something similar? How do you manage that?

Thanks.

 

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[mercenariez]

A couple of years ago I started a company and then something really stressing occured: I had a guilty conscience, when I was not working on my business, but instead did something else, like reading a book, meeting friends or just watching a film. All the time I felt like I could do something for my business and that I should do that.
That feeling stayed even on days when I really worked hard and just wanted a break.

Now, that I am starting a new project again, the feeling is back.

The problem is, that this feeling drains me of energy and after a couple of weeks I can't really enjoy life anymore, because there is always that nagging thought, that I should work on my business and not meeting friends or stuff like that. I am loosing all motivation to go on, because life just feels like a rat race. There is no fun anymore.

The problem is, that I haven't really found a solution for that. The feeling went away after shutting down my first company (which was, among other things, due to a lack of motivation), but now it is back.

Have you ever experienced something similar? How do you manage that?

Thanks.

Hi,

I used to experience this. I first attempted to be productive 24/7, then faced the harsh realities of health burnout. So nowadays I tell myself it’s ok to take breaks, after all like DeMarco says, one of the 3 Fs is Fitness (Health — mental and physical).

Feeling guilty is not a productive feeling if it makes you feel down and lethargic. Accept that resting and taking time for recreation is actually more productive than burning yourself out and getting sick or something.

 

[TonyStark]

Smoke weed

 

[100ToOne]

I'm with you in this rollercoaster for the past two years.

Just a question:
Is your business directly connected to your time? So the more time yoou spend on it the more you make?

 

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[Digamma]

This isn't a bad thing. It's a great thing.

It's much worse when it's the other way around.

You just need to channel it correctly.

Set a schedule, keep it.
Set a list of X tasks for the day, and once it's finished, you're done.

If you work more than the schedule says, you should feel bad because you are mishandling your time. If you do it on time and then go have fun, you should feel good, because you did your duty.

 

[Yoda]

Know what you need to accomplish on a daily basis, and once you do that, you're free.

There's no point in creating something that straps you down. In fact, you should be building to do the exact opposite.

 

[lydialeads]

Carpe diem. Seize the day. Live each day as if it were your last. Be nice to yourself. Reward yourself for your hard work with breaks, treats, and exercise. Reasonably. Take care of yourself because only you know yourself the best. No one else can care about you the way you care about yourself. Be the boss of yourself. A nice, caring, kind, understanding, boss - to yourself (and others). Don't be an a$$hole to yourself. You're in the driver's seat. You're in full control.

Guilt is the devil nagging at your conscience trying to steer you into the direction of the deep dark hole full of tar, quicksand, and hopelessness. Resist! Fight the temptation to sink and drown in negativity. Must stay positive no matter what. Believe it. Train your mind. Build mental habits. Reprogram your thinking. One step at a time. One day at a time. Make a to-do list. Cross off completed tasks.

Say, "good job _[insert your name]_."

If you were to die tomorrow, would you die satisfied and content? Make the most of NOW. Today. I don't mean living recklessly in the moment, but the moment is now. Once it's gone, you can't get it back.

This is also not about narcissism. It's about developing a healthy self-esteem and self-image so you can feel a healthy pride about your accomplishments. And I'm sure you have many if you've come this far.

Hope this helps. I'm preaching to myself as I write this and share this with whomever will read this because I struggle with all of the above too. I think it's also normal to experience all this. As MJ says, it's all about the process - not the event. So learn to enjoy the process! Keep at it!

 

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[Tubs]

When you work, focus only on work. When you play focus only on play.

Work hard, play hard.

If you spend your time in this "Man I could be doing -------- instead of what Im currently doing." You'll just end up draining your energy on pointless thoughts instead of being fully in the moment.

 

[The Abundant Man]

Smoke weed

 

[Ecom man]

I often feel like I should do more. Not necessarily because I don’t do enough but simply that there is always something that needs done when you run a business. I can always find things on AdWords to tweak. There are search term reports I can comb through to add negative keywords, etc etc.

For me the best way to get over that is realize that those things at the end of the week, month, or year don’t matter as much as your life itself. I’m not building a business so I can stay busy, I’m building a business so I can spend more time with my family. So I can have freedom.

I had tons of stuff I could have done today that “needed” to be done. Instead I spent about 1:30 in the pool with my kids and wife this afternoon and then another 45 minutes swimming laps tonight (fixing my health is a priority this year) Those things that need done will still need done tomorrow but if I’m not enjoying my life then what is the point of building the business?

 

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[Taktik]

Thanks for the many answers.

Is your business directly connected to your time? So the more time yoou spend on it the more you make?

No, it is not. The business I am building at the moment will be product based. At first I will have to do many things on my own, so I need to spend a lot of time working on it. If the business is a success, I will have the funds to delegate many of the tasks. Then I can work on the business, instead of in the business.

This isn't a bad thing. It's a great thing.

It's much worse when it's the other way around.

You just need to channel it correctly.

Set a schedule, keep it.
Set a list of X tasks for the day, and once it's finished, you're done.

If you work more than the schedule says, you should feel bad because you are mishandling your time. If you do it on time and then go have fun, you should feel good, because you did your duty.

Know what you need to accomplish on a daily basis, and once you do that, you're free.

I like that point of view. Using that frame, I could get rid of the guilt and feel good about the things I did – instead of blaming myself for not doing more.

One question: What if I have planned to do more, than I can handle in one day (which only turned out to be the case while working on it)?
Should I break up the big task in smaller tasks and adjust my plan accordingly? I also guess, that it would be good to modify the daily planning, so that such a situation does not occur again?

I often feel like I should do more. Not necessarily because I don’t do enough but simply that there is always something that needs done when you run a business. I can always find things on AdWords to tweak. There are search term reports I can comb through to add negative keywords, etc etc.

For me the best way to get over that is realize that those things at the end of the week, month, or year don’t matter as much as your life itself. I’m not building a business so I can stay busy, I’m building a business so I can spend more time with my family. So I can have freedom.

This is exactly the feeling I was thinking about when writing the post.
I also have the same goal, but sometimes it feels like I have to make the sacrifice now, so that I have more time later. But often times it just doesn't feel right, because I also want to build a business so I can have freedom.

 

[ljb7]

Remind yourself that above all, balance is key. Without balance, the vast majority will never be truly fulfilled.

Remind yourself why you started your business in the first place. Do you even know why you started it? If you continue to sacrifice every single waking hour you will never have time to nurture your relationships, your health (both physically and mentally) and your creative desires. And these aspects of your life need just as much nurturing as your business requires, if not more.

Most avoid nurturing these aspects out of sheer laziness – the entropy of human development. Spending every waking hour on running your business provides a feel-good guise necessary to get out of taking on the responsibilities needed to elevate the other aspects of your life.

But understand just that: it's a guise. And your guilt is just a more developed sense of this guise.

Maybe then, it's your unconscious attempting to tell you that you really need to step back?

The answer is not shutting down your business. The answer is balance. And the answer is not easy. You just aren't mentally prepared to make the shift quite yet. But the shift is what needs to be made.

My advice: start small. Start allocating 30 minutes a day to a new hobby, be it reading, music, art, nurturing your most personal relationships, or something else. Don't allow yourself to start your shift by attempting to climb the highest mountain. Start with the hill. After all, the progress you will make here is much like the progress you will have made with your business in that it is a marathon, not a sprint.

 

[Digamma]

One question: What if I have planned to do more, than I can handle in one day (which only turned out to be the case while working on it)?
Should I break up the big task in smaller tasks and adjust my plan accordingly? I also guess, that it would be good to modify the daily planning, so that such a situation does not occur again?

Estimate how long something takes and schedule based on that. When you end up being wrong, you learn from it.
Try to keep the list small. Ideally, you want three tasks at most.
Don't overthink it, you'll learn what works for you as you do.

 

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[Taktik]

Estimate how long something takes and schedule based on that. When you end up being wrong, you learn from it.
Try to keep the list small. Ideally, you want three tasks at most.
Don't overthink it, you'll learn what works for you as you do.

Great, thanks.

 

[100ToOne]

Also keep it as a point in your memory that if you feel like "I should be always learning about the business instead of talking about politics or whatever random topics with my friends at a gathering", then you will eventually burn out.

If you burn out then you won't be able to focus on the business nor woud you have had fun with your friends.

 

[Matt Hunt]

Yes, I struggle with those same guilty feelings. I think the suggestions here are good. Either list the tasks you want to accomplish on a given day, or schedule your working time, and after that, you're done.

 

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[alexkuzmov]

Lol, this happened to me today.
I was going to make a thread but searched for 'guilty' in the forum and found this thread.

I became a father march 16 this year and it has been very stressful balancing my work with taking care of my son.
Today was supose to be a day to relax. I drove my wife and my son to my wife`s parents and they`ll be there for a whole week. I`ve been waiting for this for months now
BUT... about 2 weeks ago I got hard proof on a business I`ve been working on since november 2017.
Dont get me wrong, it felt awesome and I couldnt celebrate on the day so I decided to wait until I`m alone today so I can properly treat myself. Drink some beers, sleep during the day, simple stuff.

While driving back a huge wave of guilt washed over me.
I have free time while I have a paying customer???!?!? Unacceptable!!
Anyway, the suggestions in this thread are really good.

Long story short, I`m drinking beer right now

 

[Abrodos]

I'll elaborate on another post, but you can set a limit of weekly work hours (let's say 40). You then keep track of every work hour, using a weekly planner that has the days separated by hours. On friday, you add up all the hours. Do they reach more than 40? if so, you can slack/go out/treat yourself all weekend. Have you worked a bit less than intended? then you still got two days to catch up.

I've found that keeping track of the time spent on everything I do is a very powerful tool for evaluating and assessing my habits, while allowing me the freedom of not self-imposing myself a schedule.

 

[amp0193]

Know what you need to accomplish on a daily basis, and once you do that, you're free.

Unless you're like me and haven't actually finished a to-do list in maybe... years?

I try, but I'm always way too optimistic about what I can get done in a day, or in a week. Even when I try not to be.


I have started setting a "one thing" focus for the week though, and just focus on getting that done no matter what.


To @Taktik, try making your schedule more rigid. Give yourself work hours and non-work hours and don't mix them.


When I'm at home, my phone is in the closet and I'm playing with the kids. Clear boundaries.


Or, just work non-stop 24/7 and hustle like Bill Gates.


No wrong answer here... just personal preference.

 

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[MythOfSisyphus]

Don't buy into the entrepreneur stereotype BS.

Your business should fit your lifestyle, not the other way around. There's nothing wrong with enjoying your life, and in fact, I think it's essential to running a successful business long term.

 

[MythOfSisyphus]

When you work, focus only on work. When you play focus only on play.

Work hard, play hard.

If you spend your time in this "Man I could be doing -------- instead of what Im currently doing." You'll just end up draining your energy on pointless thoughts instead of being fully in the moment.

I completely agree.

 

[Ocean Man]

Have you ever experienced something similar? How do you manage that?

For sure and even up to this day, I do. I consider myself a workaholic and as you mention, when I have "free" time... I always feel like I should be putting it towards something more "productive".

Set a list of X tasks for the day, and once it's finished, you're done.

If you work more than the schedule says, you should feel bad because you are mishandling your time. If you do it on time and then go have fun, you should feel good, because you did your duty.

Definitely understand the concept of, "once it's finished... you're done", but a little harder said than done. In my case, as a sole developer for the company I work at. I carry basically the entire website/technology side of the business. I'm pretty much always learning to keep my skills up-to-date and on-call 24/7. So I find it pretty difficult to have "free time" where I play games or entertainment.

I have "free time". But because I don't have any other team members for development, I need to invest my "free time" in things that'll improve my development and operational skills. I don't have any other senior/web mentors to learn from.

I'm always in this study/work mindset.

To be honest, as well, I need more hobbies. I've spent maybe the last couple of years working at this company grown from a small startup to where we are now, and ever since then, all my daily life has consisted of has been reading, gym, work, study, and repeat. Besides the gym and reading, I don't really have any other hobbies. And this is a huge pitfall that I want @op to avoid. It's good to be invested in your work, but don't do it so much to the point where you don't have hobbies or can't have normal conversations with people.

These days I'm really trying to find different hobbies, make new friends, etc... I guess this could also link to the thread about entrepreneurial depression.

 

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[GIlman]

I use to feel and act this way years ago. Back in 2013 I had a significant accident and serious traumatic injuries that easily could have killed me. Up to that point in time I was just working, working, working and saving. But in that moment I realized that life can be over in a blink of an eye, and NOW is the time to not only work hard but to actually spend some of that hard earned cash and do all the things in life you want to do.

Now I partition my life. When I work, I work hard and as efficient as I can. But then I take lots of time and do all the things I love. Right now I put in 12-16 hour days when I work, but I usually only am working around 140-180 days a year now. The rest I adventure, learn, and try to experience everything I can. Life is much better this way.

 

[Abrodos]

@Taktik, i have developed the answer I gave you in a full thread. Hope it is useful!

EXECUTION - Time management: How stopping setting goals improved my productivity and happiness.

Ok guys, I just saw a thread about feeling bad when not being productive. I've always struggled with productivity myself, so I thought I'd share the method I've been using for some years. For a long time, time management has been one of my biggest struggles. My job (comission sculptures) has...

www.thefastlaneforum.com

 

[amp0193]

Right now I put in 12-16 hour days when I work, but I usually only am working around 140-180 days a year now.

Similar to me. I work ~12 hours a day 4 days a week. Usually a couple hours in morning on weekends before family wakes up. And then take 3 day weekends to spend time with them.

Work hard... rest hard. By Tuesday each week I am brimming with energy and ready to get to it.

 

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[Rabby]

Guys... I used to not be able to sleep because I thought if you're not working you're being lazy. If someone discovered that I slept at night, I thought I was in the wrong. How dare you rest?!

Here's the cure. Get other people or automation to do the work for you, if you can. Then, any time you're not working, you can say "people are doing that for me right now" or "robots are (software is) doing that for me right now." It's really a life saver.

If you work more than 8 hours a day and can't get help to reduce the hours while still making money, you need to set aside 1 hour per day to sit, think, write down what you should be doing, and figure out how to make it more manageable. Trust me, I've worked the 20+ hour days, and it's ridiculous. You can and should improve that over time.

For the overly guilt-conditioned: You should work less. It's not fair to your customers if you're a bottleneck in the delivery of their product/service. They deserve employees and automation doing all the work so that one entrepreneur having a meltdown doesn't interfere with their happiness. Do it for them!

 

[Charnell]

Here's the cure. Get other people or automation to do the work for you, if you can. Then, any time you're not working, you can say "people are doing that for me right now" or "robots are (software is) doing that for me right now." It's really a life saver.

That's why I love marketing automation.

I have a "team" of social media experts working round the clock that don't require any rest.
I have a "team" of email marketing experts that know exactly when to send an email to someone.

Some of them took an hour of "training" and will continue to work years to come.

 

[Private Witt]

Carpe diem. Seize the day. Live each day as if it were your last. Be nice to yourself. Reward yourself for your hard work with breaks, treats, and exercise. Reasonably. Take care of yourself because only you know yourself the best. No one else can care about you the way you care about yourself. Be the boss of yourself. A nice, caring, kind, understanding, boss - to yourself (and others). Don't be an a$$hole to yourself. You're in the driver's seat. You're in full control.

Guilt is the devil nagging at your conscience trying to steer you into the direction of the deep dark hole full of tar, quicksand, and hopelessness. Resist! Fight the temptation to sink and drown in negativity. Must stay positive no matter what. Believe it. Train your mind. Build mental habits. Reprogram your thinking. One step at a time. One day at a time. Make a to-do list. Cross off completed tasks.

Say, "good job _[insert your name]_."

If you were to die tomorrow, would you die satisfied and content? Make the most of NOW. Today. I don't mean living recklessly in the moment, but the moment is now. Once it's gone, you can't get it back.

This is also not about narcissism. It's about developing a healthy self-esteem and self-image so you can feel a healthy pride about your accomplishments. And I'm sure you have many if you've come this far.

Hope this helps. I'm preaching to myself as I write this and share this with whomever will read this because I struggle with all of the above too. I think it's also normal to experience all this. As MJ says, it's all about the process - not the event. So learn to enjoy the process! Keep at it!
View attachment 25156

This quote about stopping versus starting is amazing and can attest as a recovering addict and I spend a lot of time debugging the things Ive been doing for 40 something years and the results have been fantastic.

 

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[Eskil]

I use to feel and act this way years ago. Back in 2013 I had a significant accident and serious traumatic injuries that easily could have killed me. Up to that point in time I was just working, working, working and saving. But in that moment I realized that life can be over in a blink of an eye, and NOW is the time to not only work hard but to actually spend some of that hard earned cash and do all the things in life you want to do.

Now I partition my life. When I work, I work hard and as efficient as I can. But then I take lots of time and do all the things I love. Right now I put in 12-16 hour days when I work, but I usually only am working around 140-180 days a year now. The rest I adventure, learn, and try to experience everything I can. Life is much better this way.

Wow. It's funny how life can sometimes give us some well needed reminders on how we are spending, or wasting, our precious time on this planet. I have had two near death experiences that could have killed me. And yeah it absolutely changes how you prioritize time.

The life/work balance is SO important. For years I used to feel extreme guilt whenever I didn't "hustle". For some guys, it was almost like a competition, seeing who could work the most hours in a day or a week. It was ridiculous, and utterly counter-productive.

The "gotta hustle" mentality sounds productive in theory but it's nothing but. You get burnt out, and your quality of life suffers.