Girlfriend pregnant on execution

[Scot]

So...

Why do you need to move out of your town to launch a website exactly? I wasn't aware the internet was regional.

I completely rebuilt and relaunched my brand's website while holding my newborn daughter in one arm. Took me a couple extra weeks, but I still did it.

This has nothing to do with your business at all, so don't blame your girlfriend and unborn child for this.

You're freaking out because you feel stuck.

This has nothing to do with business and everything to do with your ability to man up and be a father.

What are you going to do about that? That is the first thing you need to answer. Stay with your girlfriend or not, she still has to carry this child for 40 weeks, so find ways to support her through it. Then start planning on how you're going to be a good dad.

I could give you a list of millionaires and billionaires who started their businesses with a pregnant wife or newborn child. This isn't the end of business. But this is the beginning of a very important chapter in your life. How do you want that book to read when you've come to the end of your life?

Look, if I sound aggressive its for a reason. I don't talk about this often, especially not with forum strangers. But the "I accidentally knocked up a girl, my life is over" story pisses me off. My wife and I spent over 2 years trying to have a child. We spent hundreds of hours in doctors offices, procedure rooms, labs, trying to find out what was wrong and how to fix it. We spend hours, days, months depressed and ready to give up. Tens of thousands of dollars to have a child. And we eventually did. A child is the biggest blessing you could ever imagine being given. Do not ever take this for granted or as a punishment.

I would have given everything I owned 2 years ago to "accidentally knock up" my wife.

 

[AgainstAllOdds]

I know a guy worth half a billion that had a kid when he was 19...

There's no excuses.

As for the woman, don't marry her if you don't want to, but take care of the kid. You brought the kid into the world, they didn't ask to be brought in.

Use the kid as motivation. Work your a$$ off to give them a better life.

 

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[Kak]

I dont know what to do!!!

You take responsibility, like a man, and be someone that kid can look up to and be proud to call dad.

@ChrisV @ProblemOd "Not being in it's life" is a selfish, loser, chicken shit move that will prognotsicate business failure anyway. Deadbeat dads don't get very far.

It truly is this simple: 1. Take responsibility. Or 2. Be a pussy snowflake that lives a scorched earth life of looserdom.

 

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[S.Y.]

Be resourceful and get better at time management.

Had my son at 24. Fresh out of university and completely immature.

This is one of the best thing that happened to me.

Having a kid is no excuse.

 

[JAJT]

I started my first business when my son was 3 and my daughter was 1.

I then went on to start two more businesses.

Having kids isn't an excuse and if you didn't want kids in the first place there were myriad ways you could have prevented that...

 

[Scot]

Part of man’s drive in money and ambition inevitably is about having access to quality girls. Some care about it more and some cared about it less.

What are you.. a 12 year old dude bro? People actually think like this?

I'm voting this the #1 worst piece of advice ever posted on this forum. This makes Andrew look like an actual role model.

 

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[Speculatooor]

Honestly, you need to take responsibility for your actions. You did this to yourself.

If your girlfriend does not care about your private space or what you thinks, it is your responsibility that you made her your girlfriend. If this is unacceptable behavior according to you, then do something about it.

You also did not use enough birth control (condom/pill/pull-out/whatever) to prevent this from happening. This outcome was a high probability of your actions, especially since she was already planning on having a baby before you met her.

Ask yourself, why did you do this to yourself? Was it the instant gratification?

If you find your answer, learn from it.

 

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[Fox]

Time to step up your game and wrap up your pecker.

Use it as motivation - not an excuse.

 

[Strm]

What to do? Start with being more careful and think before you act! That would be a good start.

Then take your time and try to think all the angles with a clear mind. Other people have made these situations work. So can you.

 

[Kak]

What are you.. a 12 year old dude bro? People actually think like this?

I'm voting this the #1 worst piece of advice ever posted on this forum. This makes Andrew look like an actual role model.

It isn't a fluke. Everything he says is batshit. He lives on my ignore list.

 

[lunga ngcobo]

So...

Why do you need to move out of your town to launch a website exactly? I wasn't aware the internet was regional.

I completely rebuilt and relaunched my brand's website while holding my newborn daughter in one arm. Took me a couple extra weeks, but I still did it.

This has nothing to do with your business at all, so don't blame your girlfriend and unborn child for this.

You're freaking out because you feel stuck.

This has nothing to do with business and everything to do with your ability to man up and be a father.

What are you going to do about that? That is the first thing you need to answer. Stay with your girlfriend or not, she still has to carry this child for 40 weeks, so find ways to support her through it. Then start planning on how you're going to be a good dad.

I could give you a list of millionaires and billionaires who started their businesses with a pregnant wife or newborn child. This isn't the end of business. But this is the beginning of a very important chapter in your life. How do you want that book to read when you've come to the end of your life?

Look, if I sound aggressive its for a reason. I don't talk about this often, especially not with forum strangers. But the "I accidentally knocked up a girl, my life is over" story pisses me off. My wife and I spent over 2 years trying to have a child. We spent hundreds of hours in doctors offices, procedure rooms, labs, trying to find out what was wrong and how to fix it. We spend hours, days, months depressed and ready to give up. Tens of thousands of dollars to have a child. And we eventually did. A child is the biggest blessing you could ever imagine being given. Do not ever take this for granted or as a punishment.

I would have given everything I owned 2 years ago to "accidentally knock up" my wife.

i apreciate your reply scot. perhaps im just panicking too much. I feel you pain of not getting a child for so long when you desperately wanted one. your comment made think i should give this a chance and my be the best thing that ever happened to me.

To be honest really thinking deed... my life has changed the past couple of weeks. I just realized that im more focused.

My previous girlfriend kept having miscarriages, and i find difficulty attaching myself myself to this baby at such an early stage. You know im afraid i might loose another pregnancy.

anyways thank you. your advice means a lot...

 

[Jon L]

GTFO of your situation asap using any legal means necessary.

You are not ready to be a father, and you do not want to be with this woman. Only pain and sorrow will come if you stick around.

NO ONE is ready to be a father. You grow into it. Part of the reason that pregnancy lasts 9 months is so that you can prepare mentally for what's to come. I'd recommend signing up for a new dad's class at the local hospital. The one I went to was excellent. It gave me a few tips that I've used as a dad.

Some people don't make great dads, though. How do you know if that's you? Good dads: learn from their mistakes, accept feedback from others (including their kids), provide strong leadership when they know they're right, are flexible, seek advice, improve themselves, train their kids, are humble, listen to and become a student of their kids. Bad dads: essentially do the opposite. Nothing on the 'good dad' list is particularly difficult, you just have to work at it day by day.

Edit:
that new dad class I took? One of the things I took from it was this: 'if you have a daughter, hug her, and let her cry on her shoulder when she's little. If you do that, when she's a teen, she won't go cry on some guy's shoulder who will only use it to take advantage of her.' That was pretty good advice, and is something I've used with both my daughters.

 

[MTEE1985]

My biggest fear was always getting someone pregnant before reaching my goals

No it wasn’t. If that was your biggest fear you could’ve 100% guaranteed it didn’t happen.

As for the rest, it’s mostly limiting beliefs you have. Find biographies of people who succeeded on a massive scale with little kids, trust me there are plenty, as well as people on this forum who did/are doing the same thing.

Like @Scot my wife and I spent 2 years trying to have our first and 15 months trying to have our second. After all that and raising them for the last few years I can tell that there is no amount of money or business success that I would trade for being a father.

Your relationship sounds sticky but there is no reason your child should suffer because of that. Good luck!

 

[Longinus]

• I haven't reached my Goals
• I have very little time to myself now because she always shows up and does not care about my private space
• She wants what she wants and don't care what i think
• My age says its time to start a family but my dream says not right now
• she's ready and I'm not
• She had a plan of having a baby before i even met her

And still you thought it was ok to use no protection from your side. I agree with @Mack X Don't blame her for your outcome now.

So what do you want to hear from the other forum members now?

Besides, that's still no excuse for not executing. A lot of guys with kids here made it happen.

 

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[broswoodwork]

My biggest fear was always getting someone pregnant before reaching my goals, and now it just happened.

A few months ago i was planning on leaving my town to launch my dream website and now I'm stuck with news from my girlfriend (she's pregnant)

My plan was to escape detraction enough for me to have plenty of time and inspiration to start my website... everything is in place and i was ready to leave.
I Know alot of guys who got stuck in their lives (including my dad) because they had to raise a family and i fear the same will happen to me. I will be honest and tell you that since im already 32, i was ready to have my first kid but having such a clingy relationship with a woman right now is a problem for me for the following reasons:

• I haven't reached my Goals
• I have very little time to myself now because she always shows up and does not care about my private space
• She wants what she wants and don't care what i think
• My age says its time to start a family but my dream says not right now
• she's ready and I'm not
• She had a plan of having a baby before i even met her

I know lots of people would ask me if i love her but the answer is - I don't know... and the reason is that my heart is not condition to love anyone yet.
I want the baby but i feel suffocated by the mother...

Most wealth building books will tell us about building a business, numbers and scaling but topics like these rarely pop up... I'm stuck here guys.

I dont know what to do!!!

Time to get serious, dude. Use this (this meaning taking responsibility for a new life) as motivation to actually make it happen. A ton of us have used this very situation to stop F*cking daydreaming and start selling shit.

You have an opportunity to the greatest thing a human can be, a person that creates and cultivates new GOOD people, or you can be what a lot of people consider the greatest modern evil, a screwed up person releasing a another generation of screwed up, abandoned, and neglected people onto the rest of us; and making the right choice should only increase your personal odds of success.

...is this a business forum..?

 

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[Real Deal Denver]

You take responsibility, like a man, and be someone that kid can look up to and be proud to call dad.

@ChrisV @ProblemOd "Not being in it's life" is a selfish, loser, chicken shit move that will prognotsicate business failure anyway. Deadbeat dads don't get very far.

It truly is this simple: 1. Take responsibility. Or 2. Be a pussy snowflake that lives a scorched earth life of looserdom.

THIS ---^

Thanks @Kak for saying it so well. You are so right - it truly is this simple.

 

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[A_Random_Guy]

Well, you got another reason to work hard and succeed in your business - You have to feed your family.
You have to earn well to raise your kid properly, to maintain a healthy relationship with your girlfriend.
I don't know which country you come from, but in some countries, she has the right to ask for monthly alimony for raising the kid if you trigger her well enough.
Think well before you decide what to do.

 

[Tourmaline]

Having a kid can light a fire under your a$$ too! Make the best of it. Now you have something more to succeed for than just yourself, you have a legacy to pass on to.

 

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[lunga ngcobo]

I know a guy worth half a billion that had a kid when he was 19...

There's no excuses.

As for the woman, don't marry her if you don't want to, but take care of the kid. You brought the kid into the world, they didn't ask to be brought in.

Use the kid as motivation. Work your a$$ off to give them a better life.

Certainly the kid will be my number one priority... i feel motivated already and i see myself for the past few weeks...

thaks for the comment brother

 

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[Mattie]

You are not ready to be a father, and you do not want to be with this woman. Only pain and sorrow will come if you stick around.

I think that's just something that will happen either way. There is always a balance of positive and negative in having a child. I believe it's just being responsible and deciphering what the best possible choices are for all involved. She's already pregnant. It doesn't have to be a war where Mom and Dad need be in arguments, fights, and make a baby's birth a negative experience when it's actually a beautiful thing. The child doesn't need to grow up believing it's a negative experience for existing just because they parents may not choose to be together or stay together.

This mentality does a lot of emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, and financial pain to the child, and the child had nothing to do with the parents choices. Perhaps you're thinking of a one side pain and sorrow, when there's a family, three people experience the emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, and financial pain. The child shouldn't have to suffer or go without just because of pure selfishness of either parent.

 

[ShamanKing]

Use this moment as fuel my friend
(don’t play victim)

 

[lunga ngcobo]

NO ONE is ready to be a father. You grow into it. Part of the reason that pregnancy lasts 9 months is so that you can prepare mentally for what's to come. I'd recommend signing up for a new dad's class at the local hospital. The one I went to was excellent. It gave me a few tips that I've used as a dad.

Some people don't make great dads, though. How do you know if that's you? Good dads: learn from their mistakes, accept feedback from others (including their kids), provide strong leadership when they know they're right, are flexible, seek advice, improve themselves, train their kids, are humble, listen to and become a student of their kids. Bad dads: essentially do the opposite. Nothing on the 'good dad' list is particularly difficult, you just have to work at it day by day.

Edit:
that new dad class I took? One of the things I took from it was this: 'if you have a daughter, hug her, and let her cry on her shoulder when she's little. If you do that, when she's a teen, she won't go cry on some guy's shoulder who will only use it to take advantage of her.' That was pretty good advice, and is something I've used with both my daughters.

thank you jon... your comment makes sense and has given me confidence.

i feel like i have stronger motives to rich now that i will have someone to look up to me and depend on me...

 

[lunga ngcobo]

You thought you had to move to a different country to make a website? That shows me you haven't done research. You can build your company anywhere if it's online. This shows me that you were not ready to go hard.

Now, you have to go hard. It will be the best thing to ever happen to you. You will feel so much relief, so blessed when you hold your son/daughter in your arms and you will think "I have to do my best to take care of my kin."

NBA players have kids and they still go hard throughout the season. Entrepreneur's have family's too. Delete these bullshit excuses out of your brains storage that it somehow affects you and your time. Learn to enjoy her company. Don't stress about the future, the only thing you have is right now.

Good luck brother. This forum is your gold mine of information, but only you can change your lifestyle through it.

thank you for the comment Dr P. some thought my thread was ridiculous for a business forum but im just glad i posted it here instead of fake sites like FaceBook. Here i get real responses from intelligent people who take life seriously.

My dad always told me this crap about having a day job to be a real man but i did the exact opposite and now i own rental property... the community here where i live also says, when you have kids "quit dreaming" coz you will never be millionaire again. There are whole of struggling people here who blame it on having kids and wives...

Im not going to be one of them... i just needed to confirm that my community was wrong and you guys on the forum just proved it!

 

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[lunga ngcobo]

What to do? Start with being more careful and think before you act! That would be a good start.

Then take your time and try to think all the angles with a clear mind. Other people have made these situations work. So can you.

thank you strm, appreciate you reply. i will definitely take my time in making the right choice ...

 

[Kevin88660]

Actually in my mind i always though you had better options in everything when you are richer and i thought committing to someone before success would blow back badly... but reading these comments just made me realise that life beggins at any stage and mybe i shoud just give this new thinking.
i guess my dream of banging celebrities and supermodels when i get richer has nothing to do with starting a real family.

thanks for the comment Kev. you made a difference in my thinking...

Lunga. Thanks for your reply.

The reason I asked those question because I am a man and I can relate to that. I think about that too.

Part of man’s drive in money and ambition inevitably is about having access to quality girls. Some care about it more and some cared about it less.

Back in University I ignored girls who had interest in me. I told myself that My destiny was to become a hedge fund manager who will eventually marry a Bloomberg News anchor.

By the time I was in my late 20s it became clear to me that my dream is not going to happen. I have to change course in my life to seek the second best alternative, both in my career and in relationship. I am just over 30.

The good thing is about man that you have two chances. The early bird will excel by the time they reach 30. If you missed it like I did, you still have a second chance when you are between 30-40. Most successful people become successful during this phase. This is the period when the successful one diverge away from the mediocre ones. You just cannot have the energy to start from scratch at 40.

My advice to you on your money goal is to continue to work hard. But we are not young lads just out of colleague who can afford to experiment and fail. My advice to you is to honestly look at what is your strength and experience in the past and focus on it. There is saying that you can be so good at bending spoons after so many years of doing it that someone will pay you a boat of money to do that. For me I figured out that as a business school person who spent years in banks I will not leave finance to do whatever that is fashionable. I have an incredible thick skin and decent work ethic. Hence I choose to do financial sales. Getting used to a new line is tough for a first year and gradually things are turning well. I am not a millionaire like business owner but for sales just being in the top 30 percentile can let you earn thrice as what other desk bound officer workers can make from 8-5. I have nothing to complain.

Same-wise for our relationship goals we have to make compromise. I honestly do not think that banging supermodels is that important to you because if it was you would not even be together with your girlfriend. You still value companionship. I basically went monk for 8 years to pursue career prestige, money and trophy wife, before I realized that thats not going to happen and I have to compromise. That’s life. Girls do these compromise all the time and they never marry their dream guys.

I advise you to look at what chips do you have on the table and how you intend to compromise. What is your path to wealth? How late can you postpone marriage and kids in your life? How satisfied are you with your girlfriend being your wife and mom for your kids?What is realistic chance of you finding someone better (given your path to wealth?) Can you take the big risk of abandoning your gf and child in hope that things are just going to fall in place for you? (My gut instinct is no because if yes you would not even be with her in the first place). If you just want the cheap thrill of banging hot chicks for a few times you just need a one k budget to support that experience. You can even ask them to role-play as supermodels since they already had the look. I do not see why you need to abandon your gf and child.

 

[samuraijack]

GTFO of your situation asap using any legal means necessary.

You are not ready to be a father, and you do not want to be with this woman. Only pain and sorrow will come if you stick around.

 

[TheCj]

I'd say you need to think about how you envision your life to be, if at least for the next 3-6-9 months. Then you can talk to her about how each of you see things going. Doesn't have to be a life long plan can be just to set expectations and responsibilities as you go along.

I wonder if she is clingy now because she sense's that you aren't all in. If you are talking about leaving town she might be checking to see if your still there.

"I haven't reached my Goals" - You didn't get there before the kid so is a non issue.

" I have very little time to myself now because she always shows up and does not care about my private space" - Something you need to talk to her about once you know what you want.

"She wants what she wants and don't care what i think" - Again you need to be able to communicate with her she is going to be a part of your life, it's better to have a good start.

"My age says its time to start a family but my dream says not right now" - Pretty much bull.

"she's ready and I'm not" - doesn't matter

"She had a plan of having a baby before i even met her" - doesn't matter again, this is on you if you knew this and now have regrets.

 

[Scot]

It isn't a fluke. Everything he says is batshit. He lives on my ignore list.

I typically ignore most stuff on the outside, so I haven't seen his name pop up much. But yeah, he's going on that list as well. I'm pretty sure I threw up in my mouth a couple of times reading that.

 

[ZF Lee]

I'd recommend signing up for a new dad's class at the local hospital. The one I went to was excellent. It gave me a few tips that I've used as a dad.

Don’t forget church support groups, marriage and childcare courses and talks- mostly free of charge.

I’m actually going to a Focus on the Family talk at my church this week, although I’m not having a family yet.

Edit:
that new dad class I took? One of the things I took from it was this: 'if you have a daughter, hug her, and let her cry on her shoulder when she's little. If you do that, when she's a teen, she won't go cry on some guy's shoulder who will only use it to take advantage of her.' That was pretty good advice, and is something I've used with both my daughters.

THIS.

And this applies to the boys as well.
Just switch ‘father’ to mother, and ‘some guy’s shoulder’ to girls’ shoulder.

I know because I was that guy.
For me, it happened right after high school, when my parents just got extra bitchy.
Fortunately, the girl I fell to for some emotional support was decent, and I’m still with her today.

However, not every one will meet good people out of the gate.

And to counter the PUA wave that has been engulfing the forum in the last few weeks for some reasons, here’s exactly the root of the matter.

 

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[Bertram]

You take responsibility, like a man, and be someone that kid can look up to and be proud to call dad.

@ChrisV @ProblemOd "Not being in it's life" is a selfish, loser, chicken shit move that will prognotsicate business failure anyway. Deadbeat dads don't get very far.

It truly is this simple: 1. Take responsibility. Or 2. Be a pussy snowflake that lives a scorched earth life of looserdom.

ChrisV is right.
I researched divorced and separated father's relationships with their children and also the dads' lifelong wellbeing and success. You are very unlikely to thrive if you are not in your child's life. You will not have as many friends, you will earn less, and you will have more depression. You will be more isolated or distant. Men do better as active fathers because the ones who don't have an active role secretly judge themselves as cowards who flee responsibility.

Men do not thrive as fathers while in bad marriages. Leaving a bad relationship is a catalyst for career success.
You come across as sincere and courageous but also a bit too emotionally immature and self-centered to be a good father. Guess what, that's the starting point for most of the best fathers in the world. Go along with the journey. It sounds like you need it. Get uncomfortable.
Having a child will teach your heart to love.

Here is the other side of the coin. Baby mama might be confused and fearful, or she's giving you a little peek at the endless hell that is waiting for you.
It is cruel to her, and it will be bad for the kid, if you don't make a decision about the relationship right away. She will handle her pregnancy much better without the worry about an unclear future and this question of you being in her life. If her future is all about you two, and you keep her worried and under your power, she will have a negative pregnancy experience, and then worst of all she will become a low self-esteem mother. confident
Your child deserves two powerful, lucky, confident parents.

Make a decision.

If it's no to marriage, then don't allow her to suffer another month. Move on fast but stay friendly. A great way to close the door tight is for you to tell her you want someone else, sorry. You simply let her know that you are a low character and a big baby. She will view you as a bad choice and let go of the fantasy of being your wife. She'll build inner strength before the baby is born and become a great single mother. But don't take a 'wait and see' attitude. It's very destructive.
You both sound like a pain for each other. And you sound right now like you'd be terrible parents together. I already feel sorry for the child.

But leaving her will not be the end of dealing with foolish, troublesome women. The next women who show up in your life mostly will try to compete with the love you have with your child. There is good reason to try to stay in the relationship and try as hard as you can to make a good life together. The reason is that, unlike other women who come along, the child's mother would fan the flames of your love for your child.

Big decision. You are likely to thrive, have better work, more money, and better friends if you do the best thing for the child.

 

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