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Girlfriend pregnant on execution

lunga ngcobo

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My biggest fear was always getting someone pregnant before reaching my goals, and now it just happened.

A few months ago i was planning on leaving my town to launch my dream website and now I'm stuck with news from my girlfriend (she's pregnant)

My plan was to escape detraction enough for me to have plenty of time and inspiration to start my website... everything is in place and i was ready to leave.
I Know alot of guys who got stuck in their lives (including my dad) because they had to raise a family and i fear the same will happen to me. I will be honest and tell you that since im already 32, i was ready to have my first kid but having such a clingy relationship with a woman right now is a problem for me for the following reasons:

  • I haven't reached my Goals
  • I have very little time to myself now because she always shows up and does not care about my private space
  • She wants what she wants and don't care what i think
  • My age says its time to start a family but my dream says not right now
  • she's ready and I'm not
  • She had a plan of having a baby before i even met her

I know lots of people would ask me if i love her but the answer is - I don't know... and the reason is that my heart is not condition to love anyone yet.
I want the baby but i feel suffocated by the mother...

Most wealth building books will tell us about building a business, numbers and scaling but topics like these rarely pop up... I'm stuck here guys.

I dont know what to do!!!
 

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Strm

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What to do? Start with being more careful and think before you act! That would be a good start.

Then take your time and try to think all the angles with a clear mind. Other people have made these situations work. So can you.
 
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lunga ngcobo

lunga ngcobo

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What to do? Start with being more careful and think before you act! That would be a good start.

Then take your time and try to think all the angles with a clear mind. Other people have made these situations work. So can you.
thank you strm, appreciate you reply. i will definitely take my time in making the right choice ...
 

Mack X

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Honestly, you need to take responsibility for your actions. You did this to yourself.

If your girlfriend does not care about your private space or what you thinks, it is your responsibility that you made her your girlfriend. If this is unacceptable behavior according to you, then do something about it.

You also did not use enough birth control (condom/pill/pull-out/whatever) to prevent this from happening. This outcome was a high probability of your actions, especially since she was already planning on having a baby before you met her.

Ask yourself, why did you do this to yourself? Was it the instant gratification?

If you find your answer, learn from it.
 

A_Random_Guy

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Well, you got another reason to work hard and succeed in your business - You have to feed your family.
You have to earn well to raise your kid properly, to maintain a healthy relationship with your girlfriend.
I don't know which country you come from, but in some countries, she has the right to ask for monthly alimony for raising the kid if you trigger her well enough.
Think well before you decide what to do.
 

Longinus

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  • I haven't reached my Goals
  • I have very little time to myself now because she always shows up and does not care about my private space
  • She wants what she wants and don't care what i think
  • My age says its time to start a family but my dream says not right now
  • she's ready and I'm not
  • She had a plan of having a baby before i even met her
And still you thought it was ok to use no protection from your side. I agree with @Mack X Don't blame her for your outcome now.

So what do you want to hear from the other forum members now?

Besides, that's still no excuse for not executing. A lot of guys with kids here made it happen.
 

Scot

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So...

Why do you need to move out of your town to launch a website exactly? I wasn't aware the internet was regional.

I completely rebuilt and relaunched my brand's website while holding my newborn daughter in one arm. Took me a couple extra weeks, but I still did it.

This has nothing to do with your business at all, so don't blame your girlfriend and unborn child for this.

You're freaking out because you feel stuck.

This has nothing to do with business and everything to do with your ability to man up and be a father.

What are you going to do about that? That is the first thing you need to answer. Stay with your girlfriend or not, she still has to carry this child for 40 weeks, so find ways to support her through it. Then start planning on how you're going to be a good dad.

I could give you a list of millionaires and billionaires who started their businesses with a pregnant wife or newborn child. This isn't the end of business. But this is the beginning of a very important chapter in your life. How do you want that book to read when you've come to the end of your life?

Look, if I sound aggressive its for a reason. I don't talk about this often, especially not with forum strangers. But the "I accidentally knocked up a girl, my life is over" story pisses me off. My wife and I spent over 2 years trying to have a child. We spent hundreds of hours in doctors offices, procedure rooms, labs, trying to find out what was wrong and how to fix it. We spend hours, days, months depressed and ready to give up. Tens of thousands of dollars to have a child. And we eventually did. A child is the biggest blessing you could ever imagine being given. Do not ever take this for granted or as a punishment.

I would have given everything I owned 2 years ago to "accidentally knock up" my wife.
 

JAJT

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I started my first business when my son was 3 and my daughter was 1.

I then went on to start two more businesses.

Having kids isn't an excuse and if you didn't want kids in the first place there were myriad ways you could have prevented that...
 

AgainstAllOdds

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I know a guy worth half a billion that had a kid when he was 19...

There's no excuses.

As for the woman, don't marry her if you don't want to, but take care of the kid. You brought the kid into the world, they didn't ask to be brought in.

Use the kid as motivation. Work your a$$ off to give them a better life.
 

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Good luck.
 

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Kevin88660

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My biggest fear was always getting someone pregnant before reaching my goals, and now it just happened.

A few months ago i was planning on leaving my town to launch my dream website and now I'm stuck with news from my girlfriend (she's pregnant)

My plan was to escape detraction enough for me to have plenty of time and inspiration to start my website... everything is in place and i was ready to leave.
I Know alot of guys who got stuck in their lives (including my dad) because they had to raise a family and i fear the same will happen to me. I will be honest and tell you that since im already 32, i was ready to have my first kid but having such a clingy relationship with a woman right now is a problem for me for the following reasons:

  • I haven't reached my Goals
  • I have very little time to myself now because she always shows up and does not care about my private space
  • She wants what she wants and don't care what i think
  • My age says its time to start a family but my dream says not right now
  • she's ready and I'm not
  • She had a plan of having a baby before i even met her

I know lots of people would ask me if i love her but the answer is - I don't know... and the reason is that my heart is not condition to love anyone yet.
I want the baby but i feel suffocated by the mother...

Most wealth building books will tell us about building a business, numbers and scaling but topics like these rarely pop up... I'm stuck here guys.

I dont know what to do!!!
I have some questions.

1) Did you use a condom? What birth control measures did two of you adopt? I am just curious to know what went wrong so that everyone can learn.

2) I want you to be honest with yourself when you say you do not know if you love her. What does that mean because to me it sounds like a smoke screen, especially you are not averse to having a children. Do you think that you might find someone better in the future? Is that the real issue because you seem to be unsatisfied with her? How old is her? Do you think she is not hot enough for you? I am asking this because those things you mentioned do not seem to be that important. Of course My guesses could be wrong because I do not know you.
 

Tourmaline

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Having a kid can light a fire under your a$$ too! Make the best of it. Now you have something more to succeed for than just yourself, you have a legacy to pass on to.
 

Mattie

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  • I haven't reached my Goals
  • I have very little time to myself now because she always shows up and does not care about my private space
  • She wants what she wants and don't care what i think
  • My age says its time to start a family but my dream says not right now
  • she's ready and I'm not
  • She had a plan of having a baby before i even met her
I would focus on your goals number one. Although it just comes with the territory of making babies, if you play the part, your responsibility is there whether you stay with the woman or not.

Really, it's not a good idea to get married unless you know 100% you love the woman. A baby doesn't keep a relationship together.

I believe this is a tough lesson for the feminine sometimes when they don't think about the consequences and protect themselves. Sure, it sounds like a great idea to have a baby before you can support one, but a whole different story when the reality hits.

Fortunately, you just have to be honest with her. And sure her feelings might get hurt, but really bringing a child into the world without two parents who can afford it number one or who are not in alignment with the same goals is always quite difficult.

Obviously, focusing on your goals and succeeding really determines the outcome either way. You still have to support yourself or a family.

You just have to both own it and make the best choices you can along the way.
 
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OP
lunga ngcobo

lunga ngcobo

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Mar 29, 2019
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So...

Why do you need to move out of your town to launch a website exactly? I wasn't aware the internet was regional.

I completely rebuilt and relaunched my brand's website while holding my newborn daughter in one arm. Took me a couple extra weeks, but I still did it.

This has nothing to do with your business at all, so don't blame your girlfriend and unborn child for this.

You're freaking out because you feel stuck.

This has nothing to do with business and everything to do with your ability to man up and be a father.

What are you going to do about that? That is the first thing you need to answer. Stay with your girlfriend or not, she still has to carry this child for 40 weeks, so find ways to support her through it. Then start planning on how you're going to be a good dad.

I could give you a list of millionaires and billionaires who started their businesses with a pregnant wife or newborn child. This isn't the end of business. But this is the beginning of a very important chapter in your life. How do you want that book to read when you've come to the end of your life?

Look, if I sound aggressive its for a reason. I don't talk about this often, especially not with forum strangers. But the "I accidentally knocked up a girl, my life is over" story pisses me off. My wife and I spent over 2 years trying to have a child. We spent hundreds of hours in doctors offices, procedure rooms, labs, trying to find out what was wrong and how to fix it. We spend hours, days, months depressed and ready to give up. Tens of thousands of dollars to have a child. And we eventually did. A child is the biggest blessing you could ever imagine being given. Do not ever take this for granted or as a punishment.

I would have given everything I owned 2 years ago to "accidentally knock up" my wife.
i apreciate your reply scot. perhaps im just panicking too much. I feel you pain of not getting a child for so long when you desperately wanted one. your comment made think i should give this a chance and my be the best thing that ever happened to me.

To be honest really thinking deed... my life has changed the past couple of weeks. I just realized that im more focused.

My previous girlfriend kept having miscarriages, and i find difficulty attaching myself myself to this baby at such an early stage. You know im afraid i might loose another pregnancy.

anyways thank you. your advice means a lot...
 
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OP
lunga ngcobo

lunga ngcobo

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Mar 29, 2019
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I would focus on your goals number one. Although it just comes with the territory of making babies, if you play the part, your responsibility is there whether you stay with the woman or not.

Really, it's not a good idea to get married unless you know 100% you love the woman. A baby doesn't keep a relationship together.

I believe this is a tough lesson for the feminine sometimes when they don't think about the consequences and protect themselves. Sure, it sounds like a great idea to have a baby before you can support one, but a whole different story when the reality hits.

Fortunately, you just have to be honest with her. And sure her feelings might get hurt, but really bringing a child into the world without two parents who can afford it number one or who are not in alignment with the same goals is always quite difficult.

Obviously, focusing on your goals and succeeding really determines the outcome either way. You still have to support yourself or a family.

You just have to both own it and make the best choices you can along the way.
i certainly can afford a baby mattie but i wanted my babies life to be perfect, that is why im concerned. i guess i have about 8 months to make my business... the count is on.

as for the mother... still not sure. guess i need time to decide.

thank you for the comment brother...:thumbsup:
 
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OP
lunga ngcobo

lunga ngcobo

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Having a kid can light a fire under your a$$ too! Make the best of it. Now you have something more to succeed for than just yourself, you have a legacy to pass on to.
lol, thats is certainly a good reason to pursue my millionaire dream... to impress my kid!

im glad i posted this thread... now i feel i have new beginnings ... thank you cuz
 
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lunga ngcobo

lunga ngcobo

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I have some questions.

1) Did you use a condom? What birth control measures did two of you adopt? I am just curious to know what went wrong so that everyone can learn.

2) I want you to be honest with yourself when you say you do not know if you love her. What does that mean because to me it sounds like a smoke screen, especially you are not averse to having a children. Do you think that you might find someone better in the future? Is that the real issue because you seem to be unsatisfied with her? How old is her? Do you think she is not hot enough for you? I am asking this because those things you mentioned do not seem to be that important. Of course My guesses could be wrong because I do not know you.
Actually in my mind i always though you had better options in everything when you are richer and i thought committing to someone before success would blow back badly... but reading these comments just made me realise that life beggins at any stage and mybe i shoud just give this new thinking.
i guess my dream of banging celebrities and supermodels when i get richer has nothing to do with starting a real family.

thanks for the comment Kev. you made a difference in my thinking...:thumbsup:
 
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OP
lunga ngcobo

lunga ngcobo

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I know a guy worth half a billion that had a kid when he was 19...

There's no excuses.

As for the woman, don't marry her if you don't want to, but take care of the kid. You brought the kid into the world, they didn't ask to be brought in.

Use the kid as motivation. Work your a$$ off to give them a better life.
Certainly the kid will be my number one priority... i feel motivated already and i see myself for the past few weeks...

thaks for the comment brother :thumbsup:
 
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OP
lunga ngcobo

lunga ngcobo

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I started my first business when my son was 3 and my daughter was 1.

I then went on to start two more businesses.

Having kids isn't an excuse and if you didn't want kids in the first place there were myriad ways you could have prevented that...
At the back of my mind i did want a kid but not so sure about the mother coz lately shes been showing her true colors...

thank you for the comment JAJT,
 

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Mattie

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i certainly can afford a baby mattie but i wanted my babies life to be perfect, that is why im concerned. i guess i have about 8 months to make my business... the count is on.

as for the mother... still not sure. guess i need time to decide.

thank you for the comment brother...:thumbsup:
From experience, in 1995, I was a single mother. Really, I put my child first, and sacrificed a lot, while the father did something different. And it was better this way. And really, I learned your example is what matters and teaching them to what's right, have morals, have ethics, and to succeed. Really, you don't need two parents to do this. And sure, we've had our ups and downs and always will through out our lifetime. There is no perfect family. There is no perfect answer. Life is what it is as you go along on the journey of life.

Every family is different. Every child is different. Thankfully, I only had one. But, others have many and never quite evolve, grow, and mature, or to teach their children to do the same.
 

Mattie

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At the back of my mind i did want a kid but not so sure about the mother coz lately shes been showing her true colors...
How long have you know this person?
 

Kevin88660

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Actually in my mind i always though you had better options in everything when you are richer and i thought committing to someone before success would blow back badly... but reading these comments just made me realise that life beggins at any stage and mybe i shoud just give this new thinking.
i guess my dream of banging celebrities and supermodels when i get richer has nothing to do with starting a real family.

thanks for the comment Kev. you made a difference in my thinking...:thumbsup:
Lunga. Thanks for your reply.

The reason I asked those question because I am a man and I can relate to that. I think about that too.

Part of man’s drive in money and ambition inevitably is about having access to quality girls. Some care about it more and some cared about it less.

Back in University I ignored girls who had interest in me. I told myself that My destiny was to become a hedge fund manager who will eventually marry a Bloomberg News anchor.

By the time I was in my late 20s it became clear to me that my dream is not going to happen. I have to change course in my life to seek the second best alternative, both in my career and in relationship. I am just over 30.

The good thing is about man that you have two chances. The early bird will excel by the time they reach 30. If you missed it like I did, you still have a second chance when you are between 30-40. Most successful people become successful during this phase. This is the period when the successful one diverge away from the mediocre ones. You just cannot have the energy to start from scratch at 40.

My advice to you on your money goal is to continue to work hard. But we are not young lads just out of colleague who can afford to experiment and fail. My advice to you is to honestly look at what is your strength and experience in the past and focus on it. There is saying that you can be so good at bending spoons after so many years of doing it that someone will pay you a boat of money to do that. For me I figured out that as a business school person who spent years in banks I will not leave finance to do whatever that is fashionable. I have an incredible thick skin and decent work ethic. Hence I choose to do financial sales. Getting used to a new line is tough for a first year and gradually things are turning well. I am not a millionaire like business owner but for sales just being in the top 30 percentile can let you earn thrice as what other desk bound officer workers can make from 8-5. I have nothing to complain.

Same-wise for our relationship goals we have to make compromise. I honestly do not think that banging supermodels is that important to you because if it was you would not even be together with your girlfriend. You still value companionship. I basically went monk for 8 years to pursue career prestige, money and trophy wife, before I realized that thats not going to happen and I have to compromise. That’s life. Girls do these compromise all the time and they never marry their dream guys.

I advise you to look at what chips do you have on the table and how you intend to compromise. What is your path to wealth? How late can you postpone marriage and kids in your life? How satisfied are you with your girlfriend being your wife and mom for your kids?What is realistic chance of you finding someone better (given your path to wealth?) Can you take the big risk of abandoning your gf and child in hope that things are just going to fall in place for you? (My gut instinct is no because if yes you would not even be with her in the first place). If you just want the cheap thrill of banging hot chicks for a few times you just need a one k budget to support that experience. You can even ask them to role-play as supermodels since they already had the look. I do not see why you need to abandon your gf and child.
 

ChrisV

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What to do? Just be honest. Tell her exactly what you told us.

Then tell her that you're not sure if you're going to be in that childs life and maybe you'd prefer to jjust pay child support. She's trying to manipulate you into a situation. Fight that.
 

Mattie

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You are not ready to be a father, and you do not want to be with this woman. Only pain and sorrow will come if you stick around.
I think that's just something that will happen either way. There is always a balance of positive and negative in having a child. I believe it's just being responsible and deciphering what the best possible choices are for all involved. She's already pregnant. It doesn't have to be a war where Mom and Dad need be in arguments, fights, and make a baby's birth a negative experience when it's actually a beautiful thing. The child doesn't need to grow up believing it's a negative experience for existing just because they parents may not choose to be together or stay together.

This mentality does a lot of emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, and financial pain to the child, and the child had nothing to do with the parents choices. Perhaps you're thinking of a one side pain and sorrow, when there's a family, three people experience the emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, and financial pain. The child shouldn't have to suffer or go without just because of pure selfishness of either parent.
 

Kak

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I dont know what to do!!!
You take responsibility, like a man, and be someone that kid can look up to and be proud to call dad.

@ChrisV @ProblemOd "Not being in it's life" is a selfish, loser, chicken shit move that will prognotsicate business failure anyway. Deadbeat dads don't get very far.

It truly is this simple: 1. Take responsibility. Or 2. Be a pussy snowflake that lives a scorched earth life of looserdom.
 
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Jon L

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GTFO of your situation asap using any legal means necessary.

You are not ready to be a father, and you do not want to be with this woman. Only pain and sorrow will come if you stick around.
NO ONE is ready to be a father. You grow into it. Part of the reason that pregnancy lasts 9 months is so that you can prepare mentally for what's to come. I'd recommend signing up for a new dad's class at the local hospital. The one I went to was excellent. It gave me a few tips that I've used as a dad.

Some people don't make great dads, though. How do you know if that's you? Good dads: learn from their mistakes, accept feedback from others (including their kids), provide strong leadership when they know they're right, are flexible, seek advice, improve themselves, train their kids, are humble, listen to and become a student of their kids. Bad dads: essentially do the opposite. Nothing on the 'good dad' list is particularly difficult, you just have to work at it day by day.

Edit:
that new dad class I took? One of the things I took from it was this: 'if you have a daughter, hug her, and let her cry on her shoulder when she's little. If you do that, when she's a teen, she won't go cry on some guy's shoulder who will only use it to take advantage of her.' That was pretty good advice, and is something I've used with both my daughters.
 
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Tourmaline

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I wouldn't say to impress your kid. Rather, to give him the option to not have to work, to give yourself freedom to spend as much time with him as you want, to be able to provide him more opportunities than you had.
 

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