Feeling Stuck and Depressed

[Shono]

Some random thoughts.

How is it you are making $150k and are living paycheck to paycheck? Are you on top of your spending and budgeting, or are you spending excessively? Does your wife also bring in a decent paycheck? Is she also on board with the fastlane philosophy?

Do you feel complacent in your job, ie. do you have golden handcuffs attached to what you currently are doing? As Felix Dennis stated “There is absolutely nothing more likely to dampen the prospects of becoming rich than a nice, fat, regular salary check.” You could be self-sabotaging your prospects by being too comfortable and too attached to your current work routine, especially if you have been doing it for 6 years. Are you in enough pain to really venture forward with something fastlane? Are you willing to take the risks and be willing to fail publicly, even catastrophically, going off the beaten path?

I forget the name of the author, she was mentioned in 50 cents book Hustle Harder, Hustle Smarter. She was a single mother, supporting kids of her own, and worked 9-5, would bus to and from work, be home by 7 and would make dinner and put her kids to bed by 9 then write from 9-12 every day, and eventually won the nobel prize in literature. So I believe if you truly find something you can hone in on, it won't be a matter of energy. Maybe your lifestyle is also draining your energy? Are you eating a clean diet, getting sufficient sleep etc.?

If you are working remotely, you should be able to spend more time on the clock researching and planning for some sort of idea, and even work on it, and if not, try to find the passion outside of your work hours to put an hour or 2 in everyday. It will add up. It will also motivate you to finish your daily tasks so you have extra time to work on your ventures.

So I feel stuck. I know my current path isn't enjoyable and won't get me the life I want. But I don't then change things to improve my life.

If that is really true, then start digging deep into that negative feeling and use that as your motivation. Several gallop polls worldwide show that up to 86% of the population hates the job they have, so your situation is not unique. Your one huge advantage is that you are already here, on the right track, and can now use the negative feelings you have as fuel instead of just an afterthought.

When you are accustomed to a daily work schedule, your perception of time starts to become skewed, days blur into weeks, into months into years. You should develop a serious sense of urgency. It's not easy, there are no definite answers, you just have to start with what you have.

EDIT: Also MJ's 'the great rat race escape ' might be right up your alley too.

 

[EmotionEngine]

Basically I'm feeling depressed and stuck as the thread title. I earn a decent income around $150K working a 9-5 plus some overtime each week. I work for government and mostly remote, it's a role I've worked in for the last 6 years and I'm one of the most experienced members of the team. In-spite of the high income my wife and I live pay check to pay check with our 2 young kids, literally down to our last $5 and the fridge running low at the end of every fortnight.

I recommend getting your finances straight first so you're not living paycheck to paycheck on that giant salary. If you can't manage $150k, you won't be able to manage $1.5 million. Do that first before attempting to run a business, otherwise you risk sinking that endeavor. Don't put the cart before the horse.

 

[Antifragile]

It amazes me how much confidence comes from people who have no kids, no wife, are in their 20s … and dish out advice and judgement on the OP here.

“BiG men”

Tell her what needs to happen!
Stand your ground!
Don’t be afraid!



Want to hear the real truth?

YOU are responsible for your life and that includes family. Full stop.


Don’t listen to internet kids who know next to nothing about raising kids, having a family etc.

Take control over your own actions, lead from the front!

• Become healthier.
• Become mentally resilient.
• Become happier.
• Become richer.
• Become an example of the change you want to see in others.

Don’t “delegate” your own life and responsibilities. Be responsible.

/rant.

 

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[heavy_industry]

Track your expenses and see where you're bleeding money.

If you're earning $150k / year + your wife's income, and the fridge is empty, there is a very serious problem with your financial strategy.

More money will not solve this problem, and in fact it will make it worse. If you get to $1MM a year and your behavior doesn't change, you'll be spending $1MM a year, and you'll still live paycheck to paycheck.

So how do I improve my attitude? How to I get the motivation and energy to change?

Fix your exercise, diet and sleep protocol.

Use your money to improve your health.

You will never achieve any of your goals if you're not healthy, happy, sharp, and full of energy.

 

[Antifragile]

Thanks for the reply

I really like the idea of managing energy instead of time, not quite sure how I might apply it but I'll keep thinking about it cause it certainly sounds useful.

And also your comment about how it's impossible to become an entrepreneur with low energy levels. Once again highlighting I need to get my health and energy sorted before I have any real hope of pursuing a business idea.

Thanks for the specific suggestions, I did try some of the breathing exercises and will keep doing those daily.

As for the dieting I've chosen to start with a balanced approach to macros and focus on calorie control through limiting junk food and smaller portions. I'll start with these but will consider fasting or completely removing sugar if I don't see success with this approach.

Thanks again for the advice and feedback

You can do it, do more. Do it now. Get your energy levels from a 10% to 80% as soon as possible.

I still strongly recommend fasting, no sugar and breaths exercises. All of them, at the same time.

…

Now… @Black_Dragon43 … F*ck man. And people wonder why we clash so much on this forum.

A woman wants to be taken care of and feel secure and comfortable.

What the hell do you know about what women want? These shitty blanket statements are useless.

You have no family, no kids, nothing to relate in any way possible but you dish out opinions like truths about this man’s family’s situation and on “what women want”. Give your head a shake.

You’ve trained her to always be the boss.

That’s the problem with the internet. Every 20 something year old is an expert. Family aren’t pets.

So his wife is the problem now! She’s the one that loves spending. It’s not his own responsibility to become more successful and support his fam better. It’s how families work lol.



What if the wife is key to his future success? What if acting like a team, helping each other is more powerful and productive than your fake macho “train her” advice?

Real men, strong men take care of their families. They don’t blame them, they function as a unit. Families are the source for success, not a force against it. If there ever was a big enough WHY to do something it rests outside of us, out there.

If I was single, no kids I’d need nothing. What is the benefit of having a big house, my fancy cars if it’s just me? The joy is in sharing, enjoying it with people you love. Not “training her” to live on $60k income.

I read that and all I could hear in my head was “WTF?!”

Kids and home are hard work too! Often a hell of a lot harder than a job or even running a business.


@gabeb1920 your life may not be perfect. But you have kids and wife who quite likely love you. Don’t F*ck that up. Your problem today is the easiest one to fix - you need more money. To get that you need a plan and a consistent way to execute on that plan. Your wife needs to be part of the solution, as a partner (not a pet to be trained, like WTF? Did I actually have to type this?! FML.). She may have better ways to get income than you or plug in with ideas and help with the execution of a side hustle. Help you with weight loss etc.

 

[Antifragile]

It's true that I don't have a family yet, but I've been in a relationship for 5+ years and we're getting ready to get married and have kids atm. So I do know – women do want security and comfort, generally. Maybe not all women, but the vast majority do.

To clarify... It doesn't matter if you do or do not have a family. My issue is in saying things as if they are a fact, when they are not. Like you claiming "maybe not all women, but the vast majority do".

Statements like these make me wonder what do men want?

Put it another way, is it only women you think who crave security and comfort? Or do men want it too? Is it wrong if I enjoy security and comfort? Is it wrong if a woman enjoys taking risks?

As the head of the family, it's your responsibility to set the rules for what the family needs to succeed. If you need to cut the budget so that you can reach the next peak of evolution, then you should do it. There needs to be someone to take the tough decisions, just like a general in the army.

Thanks for clarifying.

We agree on:

• Advice to the OP to accept things like: I am responsible for my life. My decisions decide the outcome of my life. I own this and I will do what it takes, including having hard conversations, making hard decisions and being courageous.
• Whoever is in poor financial situation must first look at cutting the budget.

We disagree on:

• As a "head of the family... like a general"...

Why?

It implies you being more important and/or smarter than your family. As if only you can make those decisions and "like a general" everyone reports to you! This hierarchy is wrong in my opinion (and it's all that it is - my opinion... to each their own ... maybe your girlfriend wants to be treated like shit by a "general" at home. Plenty of weird people out there doing weird shit, not my place to judge).

I recommend to the OP to explore how his wife could play a key role in making a transformational change. He needs a transformational change to come out from "feeling stuck and depressed", as the title of the thread says. My suggestion is to treat your family as if is your team, your source of strength, support, love, joy. For all I know kids and wife may be smarter in business and launch a side hustle that can alleviate the money pressure in a week flat. I don't know anything about this man's family. Maybe they can help him with weight loss? Maybe it's the opposite where his wife needs to tell him what to do for a while to "snap out of it"? I don't know. That's the whole issue.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlKRC-Odk44&ab_channel=Dream4u

"I've been treating people like shit not since I am 5... probably since I am 10..." This is how far I've gotten and couldn't possible take any more of this nonsense. This is your idol? Some old douchebag in a corny suit? C'om man, you are far better than that (I still have hope).

Look, I don't mind your position at all. We are all different.

You be you, I'll be me. My issue is you trying to recruit people to become assholes to their families apparently "for their own good".

I felt compelled to reply because I viscerally disagree on a few points and wanted my voice to be heard by the readers here. But I don't want this to turn into another epic BD vs AF all out war. I've said what I wanted and clarified my position sufficiently. Like I said, you be you, I'll be me. The OP gets to choose what he wants to be. Cool?

What we both agree is already actionable to the OP:

1. Watch your budget
2. Work on yourself and become better. Health, mindset etc.
3. Snap out of your comfort because it's already eating away at you (the "remote work" bullshit). He needs to work harder, a lot harder.

 

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[Tau Ceti]

Nice to see a fellow Aussie here.

Now this may not be what you may want to hear, but I ll give you my 2 cents on your issue.

To build a successful business, you need a few things:
- an idea
- time to pursue it
- persistence

Now to get the idea, you need to start looking around you. What problems do you see? What frustrates you?
Start carrying a notebook and write things that you think could be done better. If not a notebook then use your phone and record the ideas.

Most people go through life with blinders on. Always busy listening to podcasts or looking at social media or watching Netflix. If that's you, then stop doing that. Remove social apps from your phone, stop watching the news. Forget about TV shows.

If you commute to work , use your commute time as your idea time. Let your mind wander and come up with ideas about businesses. Let your subconscious absorb the outside world.

I find that I get my best ideas when I look through the windows on the train or even in the shower.

Once you have a dozen ideas, try to expand on them. Do they make sense? Can you actually execute them? Can you learn the skills to execute them?

Once you have a few valid ideas, you need to start executing asap. Don't worry , most likely your first idea won't work, but you need to execute it nonetheless because each failure is getting you closer to the end goal.

You test and learn and fail.

But to do that you need time and unfortunately that is where most people give up. If you work during the day that means that you have to get time out from somewhere else. Usually that means you stay up after your wife and kids go to bed so you can work on your business.

That's what I do. I work nights and weekends on my business and I go to my job during the day.
You need to be careful to not burn out either so you still need to have down time.
I usually take Saturdays off. No computer and no phones allowed and spend thw whole day with my wife going for walks, talking, playing board games etc...

Finally you need persistence. 99% of people fail once and then give up. That's normal.
For most people failing s*cks and they rather go back their cosy job and forget about it all by binge watching Succession on HBO.

If you want to succeed, you need a Teflon armor. Failures and criticism shouldn't affect you.

That doesn't mean that you shouldn't listen to feedback, but if you have a vision, you should keep going by reminding yourself that the vision that you have for the business is all that matters.

Then you need to start selling your solution to anyone and everyone.
Money is the real validation. No money = No business.

Marketing is as important than building if not more. Reach out to your customers. Don't be afraid to talk to them.

The big companies out there don't give a crap about their customers. They have long wait times on the phone and respond to your emails after a few weeks.

I, on the other hand respond to my paid and free users within 8 hours( if I am sleeping) or less than 1 if I am awake. I give my users the best customer service possible. I treat them with respect even when they don't reciprocate.

Because of that, my boring service has a strong USP that I leverage to get new customers. Customer service is underrated in the 21st century yet it is very powerful IMHO.

Hope this helps and obviously, small disclaimer, I don't have all the answers. This response is based on what works for me currently, you should adapt it to your needs.

 

[Black_Dragon43]

Hi All,

This is probably more of a rant, not sure if there's an actual question but more I'm after general advice.

I'm also aware this will be a lot of whinging but it might help me work through my thoughts.

Basically I'm feeling depressed and stuck as the thread title. I earn a decent income around $150K working a 9-5 plus some overtime each week. I work for government and mostly remote, it's a role I've worked in for the last 6 years and I'm one of the most experienced members of the team. In-spite of the high income my wife and I live pay check to pay check with our 2 young kids, literally down to our last $5 and the fridge running low at the end of every fortnight. I also find that between helping around the house and sitting in front of my computer for work hours I don't have the free time or energy to do much else at the end of the day.

I find the combination of all of the above makes me disinclined to do the work. Working remotely I get away with not doing nearly as much as I could, I don't enjoy the work that I do but with the high income and living paycheck to paycheck I find it very hard to find something that pays as much.

I first read The Millionaire Fastlane in 2016 I think it was and joined here back then. I tried a few different ideas but struggled to do anything productive to move myself forward so stopped after only a year or so. I'm conscious that if I really want to change my circumstance and create the type of life I'd really like I'm not going to get there with incremental pay increases through a 9-5.

But I find I struggle to get the time and energy to do anything with that information. I know I need to start a business to build the life I want but I also don't quite know what to do next. And if I'm being honest I don't have the energy or motivation to put in the work.

So I feel stuck. I know my current path isn't enjoyable and won't get me the life I want. But I don't then change things to improve my life.

Haha and now I want to write "someone tell me step by step what I should do and also make it as easy as possible" and I know full well that's not the right attitude to have, it's not an attitude that will lead to success.

So how do I improve my attitude? How to I get the motivation and energy to change?

Feel totally stupid writing this :/

That's it, you're working 9-5, you're stuck to your $150K/year income, and you can't break free. That's what happens when you take a job, especially for the Stooges. Be like me instead and never hold a job in your life. Then all you know is fighting for that income brother, because otherwise you ain't eating.

But you have it easy. Lazy around, work remote, get your $150K/year paycheck... no wonder you're not motivated. You're never going to be motivated like that. They give you just enough so that you can make other people's dreams happen and forget about your own.

Then you also have your family who is using you to maintain their lifestyle. So that's just the truth. You've given up control over your life, and you're no longer at the wheel. Now nobody wants to let you grab the wheel again. F*ck, just imagine what your wife would do if you'd go from making $150K/year to $40K/year in a business of your own – straight to the divorce courts, LOL!

This should be an example of how freedom is lost. Bit by bit, without even noticing what you're doing to yourself.

Having said this, your best bet is to focus on climbing up in your career. Also invest in real estate and start saving, stop your wife from buying stupid dresses and designer purses wtf. Work to get an executive position, build relationships with the real movers and shakers around, build high value skills, and at some point you may be able to break free without sacrificing your immediate income. But now you can't. You're tied up, so better get used to it for awhile and make the best out of it.

You work remote. No more holidays outside of places you can drive to. No more designer clothes and stupid shit. Instead save that income, buy property. If you rent, move yourself to a cheaper place. Start saving. You should live on $60K/year MAX!!, save the rest. In 10 years, you'll have saved $900K saved up, if you're investing that into property you'll do better than 99% of people for yourself.

For the rest of you – should be a good warning of what can happen, and how easily your dreams can be lost if you don't keep your hands on the steering wheel.

 

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[Antifragile]

For whatever my opinion here is worth, this is what I think:

Manage your energy, not your schedule.

Picture this in your mind's eye. You are fit, successful, you just ran 10km to "recharge" and now your mind is sharp, colours around you are vivid. You are in a great mood.

Making money when your mind is clear is easier. Your mind can’t be clear today.

What can you do to today to move 1% closer to better life?

1. - fasting. You said you were overweight. Energy is required to carry all that “extra extra” right? Fast for 24 hrs now.

Did I say now? I meant NOW. Don’t wait for some magical “tomorrow”.

2. - breathing exercises, like Wim Hoff or anything you find for free on Youtube.

3. Cut out all sugar.

I bet in a week you’ll feel 2x the energy and even a big boost in motivation.


Edit: being blunt, I just don’t see how one can become an entrepreneur while having low energy levels. Before you embark on a marathon run, you need to get your mind and body ready for it.

 

[Shono]

I recommend getting your finances straight first so you're not living paycheck to paycheck on that giant salary. If you can't manage $150k, you won't be able to manage $1.5 million. Do that first before attempting to run a business, otherwise you risk sinking that endeavor. Don't put the cart before the horse.

This is true. It would be a shame if that occurred. Just like those lottery winners who win millions, but due to their spending habits end up broke again. It is useful to practice frugality before you need to, especially for a budding entrepreneur.

 

[heavy_industry]

Did you find breathing exercises helpful, and if so, what sort of help did they give you?

Try this, and see what happens.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tybOi4hjZFQ&ab_channel=WimHof


Sit on a sofa or bed.
When I first started doing this, I blacked out and hit my head on the hard floor. (lol)

- improved mental state (happier instantly)

During the breath hold, there is a 50% chance that I will start crying out of joy. I get overwhelmed by a huge sense of tranquility and gratitude.

I don't know what is the neurology behind this, but I've never experienced anything similar with any other form of meditation.

 

[gabeb1920]

Hi All,

This is probably more of a rant, not sure if there's an actual question but more I'm after general advice.

I'm also aware this will be a lot of whinging but it might help me work through my thoughts.

Basically I'm feeling depressed and stuck as the thread title. I earn a decent income around $150K working a 9-5 plus some overtime each week. I work for government and mostly remote, it's a role I've worked in for the last 6 years and I'm one of the most experienced members of the team. In-spite of the high income my wife and I live pay check to pay check with our 2 young kids, literally down to our last $5 and the fridge running low at the end of every fortnight. I also find that between helping around the house and sitting in front of my computer for work hours I don't have the free time or energy to do much else at the end of the day.

I find the combination of all of the above makes me disinclined to do the work. Working remotely I get away with not doing nearly as much as I could, I don't enjoy the work that I do but with the high income and living paycheck to paycheck I find it very hard to find something that pays as much.

I first read The Millionaire Fastlane in 2016 I think it was and joined here back then. I tried a few different ideas but struggled to do anything productive to move myself forward so stopped after only a year or so. I'm conscious that if I really want to change my circumstance and create the type of life I'd really like I'm not going to get there with incremental pay increases through a 9-5.

But I find I struggle to get the time and energy to do anything with that information. I know I need to start a business to build the life I want but I also don't quite know what to do next. And if I'm being honest I don't have the energy or motivation to put in the work.

So I feel stuck. I know my current path isn't enjoyable and won't get me the life I want. But I don't then change things to improve my life.

Haha and now I want to write "someone tell me step by step what I should do and also make it as easy as possible" and I know full well that's not the right attitude to have, it's not an attitude that will lead to success.

So how do I improve my attitude? How to I get the motivation and energy to change?

Feel totally stupid writing this :/

 

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[ZF Lee]

F*ck man. And people wonder why we clash so much on this forum.

The funny thing is that I read both you and Black Dragon's stuff, and I found myself nodding my head at both.

I can get the importance of working with the wife as a team...and tough leadership too.
Especially with difficult stuff, like cutting down on the lifestyle they are comfy with.

The truth is that not every family member will be brave enough to take (or join in) drastic steps. It's important to make the first move, demonstrate you are willing to go through the tough times together, and listen to their concerns. Leadership that inspires.

It might be the first time they ever experienced this too.

 

[pickeringmt]

Going the entrepreneurial route is trading one set of pros and cons for another. People not happy at a job seem to think that working for themselves or owning a business will be a path to happiness. It is not. The happiness you are looking for will not be found in taking a less safe path unless you just get more comfortable with not feeling comfortable. The interesting thing is that what I got out of your post is that you are really feeling the consequences of living a "safe" life, which is ultimately just as uncomfortable - it just takes longer to see it. You are getting uncomfortable with the feeling of being comfortable.

 

[Fox]

I think at the core of all of this is the communication you have with your wife and how you also talk to yourself.
You are in a hole and you both need to be digging in the right direction to get out.

First is to sit down and have a real chat about your values and destination.
Do you really both want to fit, healthy, financial free?

If you don't both truly want that then I don't see the rest working, cause it will require pain.
The pain of sacrifice now and also of huge shifts in your identifies.

So have that conversation - and lay it out all.
- This is how much you are making right now
- This is how much you are saving (nothing)
- In 20 years this will be X amount (nothing x 20)
- So basically we need t get our S**t together

Then same with your diet, your fitness, your relationship etc.

You need to be brutally honest with each other about where you are both going and how bad it could get.

Then use that to get things back on track - and start with the basics.

You don't need to start a business right now. You have way too many basic things to fix first.
If you can't manage yourself and a household together - a business isn't going to help.

But a lot of what you have listed here could be fixed within 6 months of solid effort.
Then you are ready to start 2024 and get a business going.

Have the hard talk, lay it all out, get on the same page, and start with the basics.

 

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[Private Witt]

Thanks for the reply

I do track my expenses and know where the money goes I'm just not sure where to cut back :/
Roughly 25% of my take home pay goes to debts. This will be reducing to around 20% in the next 2 months and then should be all paid back by April next year so that will help a lot.
We also spend 25% on rent and 17% on groceries. Both are a bit high but they also bring a lot to our lives and it does include things like nappies for the kids.
On the other hand car expenses are low as we own cheap cars outright and don't drive a lot so around 5%.
I think we might overspend on our utilities with that around 6%, I know my wife has a fairly large mobile repayment as part of that.
Around 7% goes to childcare fees.
The last 15% goes to a range of smaller individual expenses: haircuts, insurance, medical, Netflix, eating out, activities for the kids.

Biggest things that stand out to me are the debts, groceries and maybe a little bit on utilities. Debts we have a plan as long as we don't get into more debts as we're paying them off. Utilities are under contract to pay back the mobile handsets so kinda locked in for the next 2 years.
Groceries could be the best place for short term cutbacks.
Probably could cut back on some of the other 15% misc as well
Keen to know if anything else stands out to you.

And I am getting the message on health and fitness. It is something I've always struggled with, I am obese and don't eat well or do much exercise and my sleep isn't great with the young kids.
But I obviously need to make this a priority if I'm going to have more energy to pursue the other goals I have in life and to set a good example for my sons.

I'm going to start a progress thread here, I think there's a fitness category. I need to get this sorted.

Thanks for the feedback and advice.

I think starting with the groceries would save you a ton monthly and also make you eat much healthier. I just started a no red meat, no soda and no potatoes of any kind policy for 25 days and stopped going out as well. I never kept track of my food cost and decided to set a budget and go grocery store only and I'm sure I'm already saving around 500 a month and that as a single guy. I have ton of work to clean out diet but I feel so much better already and looking forward to seeing my weight at 3 months of this change.

 

[heavy_industry]

17% on groceries.

Stop buying processed garbage food and I promise you that this number will drop to less than 10%.

As a bonus, you and the entire family will be healthier and happier.

Buying sugar for the kids doesn't mean you love them. Quite the contrary: bad food habits developed during childhood will haunt them for the rest of their lives.

I am obese and don't eat well or do much exercise and my sleep isn't great with the young kids.

The good news is that now you've identified what causes the lack of energy and motivation. This kind of lifestyle can 100% cause neuroinflammation and impaired brain metabolism, which usually results in depression and/or other mental health problems.

This is not medical advice, but I would hop on a 0 carb diet and effortlessly shed all the fat by the end of 2023. Life will never be the same again.

 

[Plushy]

I second the 0 carb diet, it's the only one that helped me lose a lot of weight and double my energy. Sugar causes inflammation everywhere, including the blood vessels in your brain, making it harder for it to be oxygenated. It also causes insulin resistance in the brain, starving your brain cells. Your brain is the most important tool for money making, and if it's in pain it screams out in the form of tiredness, confusion and negative thoughts.

And I don't think he should train or control his wife but he can take full responsibility of his life and give her full transparency of what's going on. I think many partners are on board if the changes are for a better future. Divorce or quitting your job shouldnt be the only options. "Listen, I am going to go from 150k a year to 60k a year, I am still going to provide shelter and food for you, but any luxuries might have to be in the future." She is free to earn them herself. Actually if you can make 150k a year goofing off remotely, you have a risk free way and freetime to start your business without losing your income.

And if he starts making healthy changes to his life, she might follow suit. If all your options suck you're not thinking hard enough which is why you have to fix your brain. And don't rely on your wife finding a job nor blame others for your financial situation, think solely about what you can do and control.

At the end of the day, OP is the only one who knows all the details of his life and his family, only he can consider all the details and make the best course forward. Maybe his wife is keeping him down, maybe she is his greatest support. Maybe his kids are a resource sink, or maybe they're his greatest inspiration.

 

[Kevin88660]

Hi All,

This is probably more of a rant, not sure if there's an actual question but more I'm after general advice.

I'm also aware this will be a lot of whinging but it might help me work through my thoughts.

Basically I'm feeling depressed and stuck as the thread title. I earn a decent income around $150K working a 9-5 plus some overtime each week. I work for government and mostly remote, it's a role I've worked in for the last 6 years and I'm one of the most experienced members of the team. In-spite of the high income my wife and I live pay check to pay check with our 2 young kids, literally down to our last $5 and the fridge running low at the end of every fortnight. I also find that between helping around the house and sitting in front of my computer for work hours I don't have the free time or energy to do much else at the end of the day.

I find the combination of all of the above makes me disinclined to do the work. Working remotely I get away with not doing nearly as much as I could, I don't enjoy the work that I do but with the high income and living paycheck to paycheck I find it very hard to find something that pays as much.

I first read The Millionaire Fastlane in 2016 I think it was and joined here back then. I tried a few different ideas but struggled to do anything productive to move myself forward so stopped after only a year or so. I'm conscious that if I really want to change my circumstance and create the type of life I'd really like I'm not going to get there with incremental pay increases through a 9-5.

But I find I struggle to get the time and energy to do anything with that information. I know I need to start a business to build the life I want but I also don't quite know what to do next. And if I'm being honest I don't have the energy or motivation to put in the work.

So I feel stuck. I know my current path isn't enjoyable and won't get me the life I want. But I don't then change things to improve my life.

Haha and now I want to write "someone tell me step by step what I should do and also make it as easy as possible" and I know full well that's not the right attitude to have, it's not an attitude that will lead to success.

So how do I improve my attitude? How to I get the motivation and energy to change?

Feel totally stupid writing this :/

What is your after tax income and does your wife work?

$150k might not be a lot for a family of four in an expensive city, but you don’t have to force yourself to a state of with only five dollar in the bank account.

 

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[Lyzmin]

So how do I improve my attitude? How to I get the motivation and energy to change?

Are you in enough pain to really venture forward with something fastlane? Are you willing to take the risks and be willing to fail publicly, even catastrophically, going off the beaten path?

Great questions from fellow Fastlaners.
One more suggestion: Write out ALL your 'F*CK this' moments.
Your ultimate FTE will be your driver.

We either want to gain pleasure or avoid pain.
avoiding pain is 16 times stronger towards your 'lazy' brain.

Good luck to you on your continuing journey and try to enjoy it!

 

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[Antifragile]

Did you find breathing exercises helpful, and if so, what sort of help did they give you?

- energy boost
- improved mental state (happier instantly)
- improved (temporarily) athletic performance. With Wim Hoff you’ll likely do 2x the max pushups after breathing exercises than without them.

 

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[Antifragile]

Thanks everyone for the replies. I haven't really known how to reply and have been mostly focused on my health/weight loss efforts this last week.

But I think the above sums up my thinking on where I'm at. I'm beginning by working on things I can directly control: my health, what I eat, how I exercise and my sleep. It's only been a week but I think for sure I feel a little more energy and I am a bit more focused at work. It hasn't translated to business endeavours yet but I'm focusing on one thing at a time starting with my health.

Good work!

I haven't done much with my finances as yet. My wife was supposed to be starting a new job this week but its been delayed and starting next week however she is already saying she doesn't want to work :/

Haha, tell your wife “honey, I am going to get us through this hard situation no matter what it takes, even if it means you working twice as hard!”.

Hopefully she enjoys the new job and we can have a few weeks of consistent income so we don't struggle week to week as much.
I also need to focus on reducing our spending. Short term I think that mostly means groceries so I need to focus on that more in coming weeks.

I also agree I need to work harder but maybe could use some guidance on where to focus my efforts. Focusing on my health means I want to sleep more than I have been which means less time available. I think the biggest thing is to be diligent during the times when I'm supposed to be working and I do think I'm doing a bit better on that this week with my 9-5. Need to keep getting better though.

Correct. Remember the rule with business (work) vs family:

Business: quality of time
Family: quantity of time

I'm curious about 2 things:
1. @Antifragile - your comment about remote work bullshit, what do you mean by that? Are you saying remote work in general is bullshit and just makes people more likely to be lazy? Or in my personal circumstance are you saying I'm using remote work as an excuse for wasting time?

I am a tad biased, but hear me out. It may be @MJ DeMarco who said “how you do anything is how you do everything”. If you take an easy does it attitude with work, it will NOT cut it in business. You need to develop good habits.

Have you ever wondered why is it that remote work is popular in government jobs? In my business, all employees are allowed to work remotely and none done. I wonder why? Sure they sometimes take a WFH day, sometimes more but generally speaking my employees want to be in the office. Pause here for a second, consider why is that the case?

…

To get promotions, you want to be next to people who are able to promote you. You want to be able to observe the environment and solve other people‘s problems. You want to be in the meeting where big decisions are made (and if I am at the office, I am not motivated to “Zoom” call some junior to help him advance his career).

In short to be most useful, you need to know what people need the most, see it with your eyes by walking about and talking to people.

Remote work typically is about better lifestyle. For some, its perfect. But for others it’s a kiss of death. You don’t want to be like “the 99%”. You are already living the life you want to escape.

Does this explain it?

2. The main area I think I can work harder is on my 9-5. But I'm not sure how or if that helps me towards my entrepreneur goals. Or maybe it's a good habit that will translate to entrepreneur goals as time goes on. I can also see how working harder and being more involved in my 9-5 could open up opportunities for both 9-5 career advancement and possibly also I'm more likely to see entrepreneur opportunities if I'm more engaged with the work. Is that what others think too?

Life of entrepreneur is seeing opportunities everywhere. Advancement can get you more money faster. Savings can then help you do a side hustle biz and quit faster …

Thanks to everyone for their replies, advice and thoughts so far, I really do appreciate it and I'm amazed that anyone has taken the time to reply to some nobody on the internet. It's nice to see people out there do want to help. Thanks you

This isn’t some random place on the internet . I’d like to think we are here to help each other become better, spread some of that good karma. One day we all need it. That’s life. Get your life sorted, succeed and then pass it forward.

 

[fastlane_dad]

I briefly skimmed this and there is some good advice sprinkled throughout this thread.

Here are my 0.2c on your situation …

1 - You are doing extremely well financially. Not sure where you are living (not in USA)? But 150K in USA places you in the top 20% of household incomes. You work remote (!). You bring in a good income. Learn to manage that first and foremost.

2 - Forget all this fastlane stuff for a bit. You can still learn / read / implement but first thing you have to do is learn to figure out your budget and spending. Without nailing this portion of your life down and figuring out how to make it work, it will be very difficult to setup a profitable business moving forward.

3 - Health comes first. Figure out how to gain more energy day to day. Figure out meals, sleep, self care before you start dedicating energy to business/fastlane. You don’t need to ‘fast’ or do extreme feats of fitness to improve a bit day by day, but you do need to become aware of what you are putting into your body, and how much physical exercise you are getting daily. Log it and/or be aware of it to start towards your journey.

4 - Business / Fastlane loves to eat up a lot of money / mental health / time / effort and all other resources. You must have an overabundance of each of those in order to properly feed it - and its a beast and will take everything you put towards it. Work on having some surplus of some of those categories. You can still jump in now - but know that significant progress comes with what you are willing to give.

5. Relax and take a deep breath. You have two young kids, a household, a wife etc. It is a VERY hectic time of your life as is. You can always start making progress, dedicating ½ hour or 1 hour a day towards execution on a business currently. I’m sure quitting your job to go all-in on something is out of the question for you currently. @NeoDialectic and I prefer e-commerce as a way to to put CENTS principles in action and work toward an 8 figure exit. You can work at it on your own schedule, remotely and build up something from nothing – we have done it countless times with various products.

Please work towards managing your personal finances / household / time / health / energy well FIRST before looking to expand beyond what you currently have.

Good luck!!

 

[gabeb1920]

Some random thoughts.

How is it you are making $150k and are living paycheck to paycheck? Are you on top of your spending and budgeting, or are you spending excessively? Does your wife also bring in a decent paycheck? Is she also on board with the fastlane philosophy?

Do you feel complacent in your job, ie. do you have golden handcuffs attached to what you currently are doing? As Felix Dennis stated “There is absolutely nothing more likely to dampen the prospects of becoming rich than a nice, fat, regular salary check.” You could be self-sabotaging your prospects by being too comfortable and too attached to your current work routine, especially if you have been doing it for 6 years. Are you in enough pain to really venture forward with something fastlane? Are you willing to take the risks and be willing to fail catastrophically, even publicly, going off the beaten path?

I forget the name of the author, she was mentioned in 50 cents book Hustle Harder, Hustle Smarter. She was a single mother, supporting kids of her own, and worked 9-5, would bus to and from work, be home by 7 and would make dinner and put her kids to bed by 9 then write from 9-12 every day, and eventually won the nobel prize in literature. So I believe if you truly find something you can hone in on, it won't be a matter of energy. Maybe your lifestyle is also draining your energy? Are you eating a clean diet, getting sufficient sleep etc.?

If you are working remotely, you should be able to spend more time on the clock researching and planning for some sort of idea, and even work on it, and if not, try to find the passion outside of your work hours to put an hour or 2 in everyday. It will add up. It will also motivate you to finish your daily tasks so you have extra time to work on your ventures.

If that is really true, then start digging deep into that negative feeling and use that as your motivation.

When you are accustomed to a daily work schedule, your perception of time starts to become skewed, days blur into weeks, into months into years. You should develop a serious sense of urgency. It's not easy, there are no definite answers, you just have to start with what you have.

EDIT: Also MJ's 'the great rat race escape ' might be right up your alley too.

Thanks for the reply mate, you make a bunch of really good points.

Some actions I'm going to implement from your advice:
- I do need to improve my diet and sleep so I'll have more energy
- I will use some time when I'm working from home to work on a business. At this stage the only concrete action I can think of is reading TFF and brainstorm ideas. Without an idea I'm not sure what else I could do right now
- Work to get more leeway in my budget. It's been tough lately cause the wife hasn't been working and we are paying back some debts which is around $20K per year. That'll finish next April but even before then there's going to be room to cut back so we have more buffer.

I have read The Great Rat Race Escape and will revisit it for sure.

Thanks for the reply and the tips

 

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[gabeb1920]

What is your after tax income and does your wife work?

$150k might not be a lot for a family of four in an expensive city, but you don’t have to force yourself to a state of with only five dollar in the bank account.

We don't live in an expensive city but we do rent and it's not cheap :/

A few more details:
- We've got twin 3 year old boys so there's some extra expenses there for nappies and day care
- We're paying down some debts so there's around $20-25K per year going to that which will finish up in April next year
- Wife hasn't worked for a few months but looks like she has something lined up starting in a week or 2 so that'll be some extra income
- And yeah, $150K is before tax so around $100K after I think

Thanks for the reply mate, appreciate it

 

[gabeb1920]

Nice to see a fellow Aussie here.

Now this may not be what you may want to hear, but I ll give you my 2 cents on your issue.

To build a successful business, you need a few things:
- an idea
- time to pursue it
- persistence

Now to get the idea, you need to start looking around you. What problems do you see? What frustrates you?
Start carrying a notebook and write things that you think could be done better. If not a notebook then use your phone and record the ideas.

Most people go through life with blinders on. Always busy listening to podcasts or looking at social media or watching Netflix. If that's you, then stop doing that. Remove social apps from your phone, stop watching the news. Forget about TV shows.

If you commute to work , use your commute time as your idea time. Let your mind wander and come up with ideas about businesses. Let your subconscious absorb the outside world.

I find that I get my best ideas when I look through the windows on the train or even in the shower.

Once you have a dozen ideas, try to expand on them. Do they make sense? Can you actually execute them? Can you learn the skills to execute them?

Once you have a few valid ideas, you need to start executing asap. Don't worry , most likely your first idea won't work, but you need to execute it nonetheless because each failure is getting you closer to the end goal.

You test and learn and fail.

But to do that you need time and unfortunately that is where most people give up. If you work during the day that means that you have to get time out from somewhere else. Usually that means you stay up after your wife and kids go to bed so you can work on your business.

That's what I do. I work nights and weekends on my business and I go to my job during the day.
You need to be careful to not burn out either so you still need to have down time.
I usually take Saturdays off. No computer and no phones allowed and spend thw whole day with my wife going for walks, talking, playing board games etc...

Finally you need persistence. 99% of people fail once and then give up. That's normal.
For most people failing s*cks and they rather go back their cosy job and forget about it all by binge watching Succession on HBO.

If you want to succeed, you need a Teflon armor. Failures and criticism shouldn't affect you.

That doesn't mean that you shouldn't listen to feedback, but if you have a vision, you should keep going by reminding yourself that the vision that you have for the business is all that matters.

Then you need to start selling your solution to anyone and everyone.
Money is the real validation. No money = No business.

Marketing is as important than building if not more. Reach out to your customers. Don't be afraid to talk to them.

The big companies out there don't give a crap about their customers. They have long wait times on the phone and respond to your emails after a few weeks.

I, on the other hand respond to my paid and free users within 8 hours( if I am sleeping) or less than 1 if I am awake. I give my users the best customer service possible. I treat them with respect even when they don't reciprocate.

Because of that, my boring service has a strong USP that I leverage to get new customers. Customer service is underrated in the 21st century yet it is very powerful IMHO.

Hope this helps and obviously, small disclaimer, I don't have all the answers. This response is based on what works for me currently, you should adapt it to your needs.

Hi fellow Aussie

I do struggle finding the idea. I've recently gotten rid of social media from my phone, Instagram was my poison of choice :/
I do spend every spare minute I have listening to podcasts so maybe I should cut back on that? I've been doing it for years and it's always educational in some way like leadership or entrepreneurship or technology but maybe it is blinders on and I should have more down time to just think. I'm worried nothing would come out of it :/
Otherwise I spend about 1 hour each night watching YouTube, again trying to keep it somewhat educational, edutainment I think they call it maybe?

I think this needs to be one of my first steps, cutting back on the consumption of information and spending more time thinking, generating my own ideas and then creating things too, maybe also helping people though I'm always worried I'm just trading my time.

The rest of your points are good too:
- Dedicating time to work on business ideas
- Sticking with it even when it gets tough
- Giving it time to succeed, being patient

Thanks for the reply and tips mate. If you have any more suggestions about how to come up with ideas or where to start I'd be all ears

 

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[Kevin88660]

We don't live in an expensive city but we do rent and it's not cheap :/

A few more details:
- We've got twin 3 year old boys so there's some extra expenses there for nappies and day care
- We're paying down some debts so there's around $20-25K per year going to that which will finish up in April next year
- Wife hasn't worked for a few months but looks like she has something lined up starting in a week or 2 so that'll be some extra income
- And yeah, $150K is before tax so around $100K after I think

Thanks for the reply mate, appreciate it

It sounds promising that she will start work soon and bring relief.

If necessary, extend the payment schedule for the 25k o/s debt. Paying a little more interest is always better than having a super tight cashflow which results in extreme mental stress and lack of options in life.

 

[Isaac Odongo]

In Unscripted . I think it was Unscripted . MJ talks about a single father in the tech industry who who was also caring for a toddler while learning to make video games.

He did this after work, child in one hand, computer on the other hand. I am certain he was getting exhausted. Yet he did it. Seems he made some hundreds of thousands that way.

Then there was Vick on this same forum who was building luxury sun glasses. He would give it time in the evening before sleep. It eventually retired him.

Learn to work on your business even there is no motivation. Motivation will not be there everyday. Just start and keep going. Until it becomes your life.

Fitness might as well help you to have more energy at end of day. I don't know whether you already do this.

 

[gabeb1920]

Track your expenses and see where you're bleeding money.

If you're earning $150k / year + your wife's income, and the fridge is empty, there is a very serious problem with your financial strategy.

More money will not solve this problem, and in fact it will make it worse. If you get to $1MM a year and your behavior doesn't change, you'll be spending $1MM a year, and you'll still live paycheck to paycheck.


Fix your exercise, diet and sleep protocol.

Use your money to improve your health.

You will never achieve any of your goals if you're not healthy, happy, sharp, and full of energy.

Thanks for the reply

I do track my expenses and know where the money goes I'm just not sure where to cut back :/
Roughly 25% of my take home pay goes to debts. This will be reducing to around 20% in the next 2 months and then should be all paid back by April next year so that will help a lot.
We also spend 25% on rent and 17% on groceries. Both are a bit high but they also bring a lot to our lives and it does include things like nappies for the kids.
On the other hand car expenses are low as we own cheap cars outright and don't drive a lot so around 5%.
I think we might overspend on our utilities with that around 6%, I know my wife has a fairly large mobile repayment as part of that.
Around 7% goes to childcare fees.
The last 15% goes to a range of smaller individual expenses: haircuts, insurance, medical, Netflix, eating out, activities for the kids.

Biggest things that stand out to me are the debts, groceries and maybe a little bit on utilities. Debts we have a plan as long as we don't get into more debts as we're paying them off. Utilities are under contract to pay back the mobile handsets so kinda locked in for the next 2 years.
Groceries could be the best place for short term cutbacks.
Probably could cut back on some of the other 15% misc as well
Keen to know if anything else stands out to you.

And I am getting the message on health and fitness. It is something I've always struggled with, I am obese and don't eat well or do much exercise and my sleep isn't great with the young kids.
But I obviously need to make this a priority if I'm going to have more energy to pursue the other goals I have in life and to set a good example for my sons.

I'm going to start a progress thread here, I think there's a fitness category. I need to get this sorted.

Thanks for the feedback and advice.

 

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[alexkuzmov]

Hi All,

This is probably more of a rant, not sure if there's an actual question but more I'm after general advice.

I'm also aware this will be a lot of whinging but it might help me work through my thoughts.

Basically I'm feeling depressed and stuck as the thread title. I earn a decent income around $150K working a 9-5 plus some overtime each week. I work for government and mostly remote, it's a role I've worked in for the last 6 years and I'm one of the most experienced members of the team. In-spite of the high income my wife and I live pay check to pay check with our 2 young kids, literally down to our last $5 and the fridge running low at the end of every fortnight. I also find that between helping around the house and sitting in front of my computer for work hours I don't have the free time or energy to do much else at the end of the day.

I find the combination of all of the above makes me disinclined to do the work. Working remotely I get away with not doing nearly as much as I could, I don't enjoy the work that I do but with the high income and living paycheck to paycheck I find it very hard to find something that pays as much.

I first read The Millionaire Fastlane in 2016 I think it was and joined here back then. I tried a few different ideas but struggled to do anything productive to move myself forward so stopped after only a year or so. I'm conscious that if I really want to change my circumstance and create the type of life I'd really like I'm not going to get there with incremental pay increases through a 9-5.

But I find I struggle to get the time and energy to do anything with that information. I know I need to start a business to build the life I want but I also don't quite know what to do next. And if I'm being honest I don't have the energy or motivation to put in the work.

So I feel stuck. I know my current path isn't enjoyable and won't get me the life I want. But I don't then change things to improve my life.

Haha and now I want to write "someone tell me step by step what I should do and also make it as easy as possible" and I know full well that's not the right attitude to have, it's not an attitude that will lead to success.

So how do I improve my attitude? How to I get the motivation and energy to change?

Feel totally stupid writing this :/

Thats you. Sitting on the nail.
It doesnt hurt bad enough and you are stuck in mediocre comfort.

My advise.
Cut your costs, sell all things you dont need, stockpile some cash and quit the soulkiller job.
Essentially force yourself in a hard situation to break the routine.

OR, keep working till death, never enjoying an ounce of autonomy.