Hey everyone.
I'm a 21 year old guy who lives in Switzerland. I broke up my apprenticeship in IT 3 years ago so I could pursue a fastlane plan (At that time didn't even know what the fastlane actually was). I wanted to develop an app. I had an Idea, started working a little bit but then didn't do anything.
Around this time last year I started having enough of this life and started to work on it again. I worked on it like a man obsessed for like 2 days and then didn't touch it for a month or something. I was just lazy when it came to this. I do martial arts for some time now and I barely miss training sessions and always give it like 110% but when it came to the plan that was supposed to transform my life I was lazy. At one point I said to myself: "I just have to get this done!" And started working on it like crazy and on a regular basis. I didn't care if it was a success or not. I just wanted to feel a sense of accomplishment because I just always feel like this huge F*ck up. I didn't finish my apprenticeship, dropped out of the military, have no drivers license and still live with my parents. I think you get what I'm trying to say. So I finished my app, published it and started advertising it a little bit. I didn't expect it to be successfull because in the final stages of development I realised that it was that kind of app that you download because your friend made it and after playing it one or two times you would just leave it installed but never open it again. After that I started feeling depressed and even stopped training a week ago. I lied to my coach telling him that I hurt my knee jogging. I was supposed to have a Kickboxing Fight in November but I just kinda stopped believing in myself in every aspect of my life. The last few days have been torture and I really have to do something because this whole situation is affecting my mental health badly. I finished reading the MFL and started doing research on different things but I really feel lost and I don't know what my next steps should be. I also started spending more and more time in this forum hoping that it can help my to figure out what to do.
I know that I shouldn't think of myself as a piece of shit or a F*ckup anything like that. I'm just angry at myself and I don't trust me anymore. And I'm not writing this to get pity or something. I would just like to hear from people who went through the same things and can relate. I think they will have good advice. I know exactly where I want to be and often compare this vision to my current life. It just makes me feel almost worthless because 3 years ago I really believed that I would be "free" until now and I had all this energy and it also makes me afraid to set goals because I don't trust that I'll do it. Going to training really gave me some time where I could just be present and wouldn't worry but I almost want to "punish" myslef by not going anymore because I really feel like I shouldn't get any rest from this.
I need to do something and I need to do it right now and I'm really fed up with all of this.
I'm ready to put in the work that is needed. The time where my life changes drastically hast to start now and I have realised that.
I'm a 21 year old guy who lives in Switzerland. I broke up my apprenticeship in IT 3 years ago so I could pursue a fastlane plan (At that time didn't even know what the fastlane actually was). I wanted to develop an app. I had an Idea, started working a little bit but then didn't do anything.
Around this time last year I started having enough of this life and started to work on it again. I worked on it like a man obsessed for like 2 days and then didn't touch it for a month or something. I was just lazy when it came to this. I do martial arts for some time now and I barely miss training sessions and always give it like 110% but when it came to the plan that was supposed to transform my life I was lazy. At one point I said to myself: "I just have to get this done!" And started working on it like crazy and on a regular basis. I didn't care if it was a success or not. I just wanted to feel a sense of accomplishment because I just always feel like this huge F*ck up. I didn't finish my apprenticeship, dropped out of the military, have no drivers license and still live with my parents. I think you get what I'm trying to say. So I finished my app, published it and started advertising it a little bit. I didn't expect it to be successfull because in the final stages of development I realised that it was that kind of app that you download because your friend made it and after playing it one or two times you would just leave it installed but never open it again. After that I started feeling depressed and even stopped training a week ago. I lied to my coach telling him that I hurt my knee jogging. I was supposed to have a Kickboxing Fight in November but I just kinda stopped believing in myself in every aspect of my life. The last few days have been torture and I really have to do something because this whole situation is affecting my mental health badly. I finished reading the MFL and started doing research on different things but I really feel lost and I don't know what my next steps should be. I also started spending more and more time in this forum hoping that it can help my to figure out what to do.
I know that I shouldn't think of myself as a piece of shit or a F*ckup anything like that. I'm just angry at myself and I don't trust me anymore. And I'm not writing this to get pity or something. I would just like to hear from people who went through the same things and can relate. I think they will have good advice. I know exactly where I want to be and often compare this vision to my current life. It just makes me feel almost worthless because 3 years ago I really believed that I would be "free" until now and I had all this energy and it also makes me afraid to set goals because I don't trust that I'll do it. Going to training really gave me some time where I could just be present and wouldn't worry but I almost want to "punish" myslef by not going anymore because I really feel like I shouldn't get any rest from this.
I need to do something and I need to do it right now and I'm really fed up with all of this.
I'm ready to put in the work that is needed. The time where my life changes drastically hast to start now and I have realised that.
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