Books on becoming a "people" person

[Kevin90]

What are some books that can teach someone to become a "people" person? Being able to connect with a diverse range of people is a key to success in my opinion. Being likeable is also important.

Besides the standard suggestion of Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" what are some others?

 

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[Dwee]

I saw the title of your thread and thought "I better tell this guy about How to Win Friends and Influence People!" Darn it....

Unfortunately that book is the only one I have to recommend. So maybe I can give you some practical advice from my personal experience of going from a very closeted introvert to a people person instead. If you want to connect and be more likeable with a diverse group of people I would recommend actually going out and meeting a diverse group of people! I don't think a book can give you this skill.

Two mindset shifts that I had that helped me break through my introverted shell were:
1 - The first minute of any conversation with a stranger is usually awkward, but if you get past the intro you're golden.
2 - Questions are ok, but don't make them a crutch. It's better to make statements. Open yourself up more. It gives the other person something to be inquisitive about.

That's it. Hope it helps! If I think of another book that addresses this skill I'll let you know.

 

[Vigilante]

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

 

[travisl]

Honestly you don't need anything else other than How to Win Friends and Influence People. Haha

Just read it over and over and put the principals into action. It actually works.

But if you MUST read something different, try the 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership by John C Maxwell, and check out some of his other stuff. They teach you how to be a better leader, which as you know is all about working with people.

 

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[FastNAwesome]

What are some books that can teach someone to become a "people" person? Being able to connect with a diverse range of people is a key to success in my opinion.

Not a book recommendation:

Mingle, and keep an open mind and open heart...

Being likeable is also important.

...and while you do so, be respectful, and be yourself, but don't be quick to reveal your cards, so to say.

If you do this, you'll realize, many people from all walks of life, give respect back, when genuine respect has been shown to them.
But...different people have very different values too, so it's good to be reserved to a big extent until you get to know someone really well.

Just my experience.

 

[ThinkDifferent]

Hey friend, since 5 months ago I have been having the goal of becoming a better people's person. I read 4 books on the subject and tried to understand basic principles and experimented with techniques in real life during my travels. Im also working for free at several hostels (2weeks per place) to see how the management deals with people + learn how to work in a team. This is very effective because you will need to cope with different personalities. The extremest cases I learned most from. I pretty much went from being a really bad teamplayer to an excellent one that people want to chill with. For me it worked to be much less engaging and let people come to me. I also dont argue with people and let them feel the way they want to feel (you can tell by the way they behave and the things they say.) I have to admit that its very difficult to maintain as you need to have discipline and some other people with who you can steam out HAHA.

But what works for me doesnt mean it fits your style. You should try to find out what people have issues with.
I found out that Im sometimes too much in peoples faces and that my desire for discussions wasnt shared by very many haha. They also think Im very cocky. By knowing this stuff about yourself you can work on (or maybe not if you dont find it important enough) the right things and tackle it effectively.

I have to tell you its pretty difficult to implement communication tricks when meeting people because you are used to different ways, for that reason I think its more important to first understand the principles, so that you can know where to strive to and for that the best book is probably the one u already mentioned.

Another book I really liked a lot which gives a lot of tricks and ideas is the following:

MASTERING COMMUNICATION AT WORK HOW TO LEAD, MANAGE, AND INFLUENCE
Ethan F. Becker Jon Wortmann

Especially the chapter (ch7) on how to deal with defensiveness is F*ckin amazing. It has effected my life a lot and helped me in many ways.
Chapter 1 is also great and gives you insight in why sometimes people think you are jumping to a point or the opposite that they dont understand what or why you are saying something. inductive vs deductive thinkers. It is fun to think about all your friends and recognise whch type they are.
Chapter 5 on validation is stunning too.

By understanding these principles and techniques I am much more confident with people know and I also have a better feeling when people want to meet up with me or get in further contact.

I couldnt find it for free online tho and I couldnt buy it on Itunes USA because Im from Europe. I ended up paying some random website 30usd XD, but it was many times worth it. I believe it was something like 18$ on Itunes USA. Or if you know how i can send it to you through my macbook Vitalsource bookshelf I dont mind sending it.

Another thing I do which helps with understanding others is analyse personality theories (havent gone in to it enough tho) like Myers brigs.
It doesnt mean you will understand a person but it gives you tools to know how some people could be. What their likely strengths and weaknesses are. What type of goals, what they like to hear, whats challenging to them.
Again, it doesnt give you some devine power to understand an individual but it gives you many ideas that u havent even thought about before.

 

[AndrewNC]

There's this book by Dale Carnegie called "How to go outside and talk to people."

I tease, I tease

But I don't I only learned how to relate to different types of people by surrounding myself with them for months or years on end. Books will only get you so far.

 

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[mowealth]

25 Ways to Win with People: How to Make Others Feel Like A Million Bucks, John C. Maxwell

Going to require some action though; start conversations, find something similar you both share, take it from there.

 

[ThinkDifferent]

There's this book by Dale Carnegie called "How to go outside and talk to people."

I tease, I tease

But I don't I only learned how to relate to different types of people by surrounding myself with them for months or years on end. Books will only get you so far.

You can get very good at something by just being talented, but becoming an expert usually requires more work. And it depends on the person, but for me I learn much quicker by studying theory first. Of course the learning starts by doing, but I learn much faster if I had lots of theory before that. Maybe you don't.
But I think a lot of people, when they are naturally good, dont think they should work on it. But I see it this way: you will profit from it for your entire life and relationships are really important.

 

[DeletedUser396]

1. Put down the books.
2. Don't be fake.
   
3. Get out there.
4. Meet interesting people.
   
5. Talk to them.
6. Actually listen to what they have to say.
7. ???
8. Profit.

 

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[ThinkDifferent]

1. Put down the books.
2. Don't be fake.
   
3. Get out there.
4. Meet interesting people.
   
5. Talk to them.
6. Actually listen to what they have to say.
7. ???
8. Profit.

Ive met tens of thousands of people, know thousands of people on a personal level. Yet I still learned a LOTTTT from books. Studying books doesnt mean you arent going out there.

See it like this. You have super experts with 40 years experience willing to teach you what they know! So valuable!! Sometimes I cry by realising how much knowledge is out there. I love this world and no Im not using drugs haha.

 

[ThinkDifferent]

25 Ways to Win with People: How to Make Others Feel Like A Million Bucks, John C. Maxwell

Going to require some action though; start conversations, find something similar you both share, take it from there.

Just downloaded it and started. Thanks for the tip. I see he has written several other bestsellers, which I might read if I like this one.

 

[TG_Hawk]

What are some books that can teach someone to become a "people" person? Being able to connect with a diverse range of people is a key to success in my opinion. Being likeable is also important.

Besides the standard suggestion of Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" what are some others?

Smile, be confident, and make people laugh.

Be real, raw, and relevant.

Remember, people will forget what you say, but they will never forget how you make them feel...

 

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[LouieLouie]

Remember, people will forget what you say, but they will never forget how you make them feel...

I think I'm going to put that on my office wall

Thanks!

 

[ThinkDifferent]

I think I'm going to put that on my office wall

Thanks!

Yeah I loved that sentence too

Its all about feelings

 

[BellaPippin]

First book I ever read of self-development (and I think was the start of a whole deal of personal growth for the past 5 years) was called "When I say NO, I feel guilty" by Manuel J Smith. Carnegie's book I read as well and is very good. It talks about how to be likeable and approach situations in order to influence people (in a good way hopefully) to agree with you, or at least open enough to meet you half way.

This book I'm telling you about deals with being assertive, and the situations you might not like so much, especially the ones that give an introverted person a lot of anxiety (from experience). And I've never been precisely extroverted, although I can fake it really well when I need to. But being assertive is a big part of being a people person, and this book explains it pretty well. To be honest you can read the first few chapters and there's a lot of situations for illustration/example purposes, you don't need to read them all. But I would greatly encourage you to revise the principles of assertiveness if you are not familiar/comfortable with them.

 

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[Andy Black]

Not a book, but this free course was excellent:

• www.udemy.com/7-scientifically-proven-steps-to-increase-your-influence

"To be interesting, be interested." - Dale Carnegie

You'll be amazed what happens when you gift people with your attention.

Related post:

• www.thefastlaneforum.com/community/threads/how-do-you-say-thank-you.63932/#post-499869

 

[ThinkDifferent]

Not a book, but this free course was good:

• www.udemy.com/7-scientifically-proven-steps-to-increase-your-influence

"To be interesting, be interested." - Dale Carnegie

You'll be amazed what happens when you gift them with your attention.

Related post:

• www.thefastlaneforum.com/community/threads/how-do-you-say-thank-you.63932/#post-499869

Thanks a lot. Ill check it out.

What u think about the following sentence that I read somewhere:

"You can make more friends in two months by being more interested in people than in two years by making people more interested in you"

So true, most girls who super like me dont even know shitt about me. They talk for hours and then think you are very interesting when you havent told her shit about urself..

So funny.

I tend to want to get to know people and then ask things that are interesting for me. Some people I ignore because they are simply not interesting, I still try to understand them and like them but I spend my time with more mentally engaging stuff like this forum. Is not related to arrogance but superficial things are just very tiring to me. There are some people, very intelligent, but they like to think and talk about superficial things all day.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Andy Black]

I tend to want to get to know people and then ask things that are interesting for me. Some people I ignore because they are simply not interesting, I still try to understand them and like them but I spend my time with more mentally engaging stuff like this forum. Is not related to arrogance but superficial things are just very tiring to me. There are some people, very intelligent, but they like to think and talk about superficial things all day.

I keep asking till I find what they're passionate about. When someone is passionate about something, it's always interesting listening to them. Even just the change that occurs when they talk about something they care about is fascinating.

I assume everyone has an interesting story, I just have to get them to tell it.

 

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[Delmania]

"You can make more friends in two months by being more interested in people than in two years by making people more interested in you"

That's from How To Win Friends And Influence People. It's been mentioned here a few times, but honestly, that book is the best place for what you're looking for. If you implement even 10% of what the book suggests, you'll find people will definitely be more sociable around you.

 

[OperationMyWay]

I assume everyone has an interesting story, I just have to get them to tell it.

This is sage advice Andy! I hope people really take the time to let that set in. It doesn't have to be complicated to become a better people person.

This is basically my approach with people, but I have never been able to put it into words. If I had attempted to explain it, I probably would have rambled on for 10 paragraphs. You did it in one sentence. Just awesome.

Cheers!

 

[Nacho]

If you are making your way to become more social, I would recommend to check out RSD (Real Social Dynamics). It is a self development company whose instructors travel around the world giving seminars. Although it is more focused in getting better in game (interactions/relationships with women), the raw content is legit. The core values they learn are way deeper than just women; self confidence, being comfortable in your own skin, etc.

One last tip, you can make all the reading that you want, but I would recommend to focus more in the ACTION. (Don't get me wrong, I LOVE books, but without massive action you will not get better)

Get out there and most important GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE!

 

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[Travis.I]

Currently I am reading "Never eat alone: and other secrets to success, one relationship at a time". http://www.amazon.com/dp/0385346654/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20

 

[BlakeIC]

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie