Best way to talk to girls

[chuhean]

Hi everyone! I am wondering what is the best way to initiate a conversation with girls. Cuz I found out that usual "Hi! Where are you from/ What are you studying?" question don't really get them interested. They will just reply one or two words and that's all.

People say that you should focus on her if you want to keep the conversation going, eg. talk about things related to her instead of me. But I found out that if I keep asking her questions like "where are you from, what did you do today, what's your plan for tomorrow?", the conversation will be boring and she will lose interest, as it sounds like an "interview". Not to mention she will keep replying by using one or two words only. I will slowly become nervous if she doesn't reply enthusiastically even though I have taken interest in her.

Lastly, I don't get it. Some guys are way quieter than me, and they usually didn't initiate conservation with girls. If a quiet guys and me sit with other girls, I found that sometimes some girls tend to want to talk to them than me. This really puzzled my mind, how can a guys who put in the effort in taking interest to know the girls get a cold response from them, while they tend to talk to some quiet guys?

By the way, the "girls" here refers to girls in general. I have talked to a lot of girls, and have noticed this kind of pattern is consistent anywhere.

 

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[theag]

Wrong forum?

 

[JasonR]

Man...this is such an interesting topic...

How many girls have you talked to? 10? 20? 200? 2000? I you haven't at least talked to several hundred girls, it's a pretty big generalization to say girls just don't like talking to you.

You also mention anywhere. Have you talked to girls in different countries? Different cities? Different locations (work, train, plane, bus, parties, coffee shops)?

Ready for a hard dose of reality?

All you are really doing is here is coming up with excuses to validate your assumption of girls not wanting to talk to you. Yet, you can't be sure that your assumption that girls don't want to talk to you is true.

Your own personal insecurities and your fear of talking to women is warping your beliefs. It's giving you the ultimate excuse of "I haven't found anyone I like (or likes me) enough to go out on dates with.

How do I know?

Because I've been there before.

Now, I'm not saying I'm perfect (because I'm not) and I'm not confident 100% of the time. I have areas in my relationships that i need to work on.

If you want to "fix" this part of life, it's kind of like business. It's a long road of introspection and personal growth. If you stick with it it's extremely rewarding.

I highly recommend reading these two books: Models by Mark Manson and The Charsima Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane - both can be found on Amazon. Both books have changed my life.

You'll get there.

 

[Mikhail Joseph]

https://www.youtube.com/user/SimplePickup

 

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[masterneme]

The one and only book you'll ever need about seduction: Mode One: Let the Women Know What You're REALLY Thinking.

It's not for everyone though, but if it resonates with you it will change you life.

 

[EmperorPear]

Yo may be on the wrong place here, bud. But I will send you a couple recommendations where you can find all of the answers for girl-related questions. So let's get started.

To avoid interview mode, you need to turn questions into statements. Instead of asking "Where are you from" you say "You look like you're from Cali." Don't just say random things, if you have a hunch she's from Cali, state it. Expect a lot of OMGs if you're right.

The second dilemma is about investment.
Let's reverse the roles. You're sitting with 2 girls. One is constantly talking to you, while the other is just chilling around and minding her own biz. Which one are you more interested in?
The basic premise of investment is that the more some person is invested in another, the more attraction he/she feels for him/her. This isn't just seduction-exclusive, it's everywhere.

I will send you the site in PM.

 

[Cesare]

Everything you need to know:

 

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[juggler619]

Read books written by david deangelo & read a book named "the game" .. They have sumtin called "openers" which helps initiate conversation. cheers!

 

[Digamma]

Alright, instead of mocking, I'll be useful for once.
The only dating book for men I found which doesn't try to mold you in a weirdo is Mark Manson's Models. Awesome piece of work, no alpha bullshit.

 

[JAJT]

I've noticed a lot of people become an awkward, weird version of themselves when talking to the opposite sex in an attempted flirtatious manner.

I have a buddy who is desperately trying to get his first girlfriend right now (he's 31...) and he's very frustrated. But when he talks to me he's this interesting, funny, sarcastic, and highly intelligent guy with a lot of shit to say. When I see him try to talk to a girl, it's like he's suddenly drilling her with random "I should probably say this" questions - "What do you do? Do you like it? What movies do you like? Have you ever traveled? Where to? Do you have pets? What kind? Etc...". It's actually embarrassing to watch. He becomes a retarded question-asking robot.

I don't claim to be some relationship expert, but I also have never had problems in this area either. I suspect it's mostly because I remain myself and stay conversational regardless of who I happen to be with. I talk about the things I love and ask them questions about things I don't know as they get brought up. I make comments and tell stories and listen to their stories and act like a human being around them. I remain myself, flaws and all - I'm not trying to be perfect. My humor style can be a little on the "shock" side and I don't pretend to hide my thoughts on polarizing topics (only IF they get brought up, of course). And shit - if they don't like it, that's okay. Different strokes and all that.

Girls (and boys) aren't these enigmatic puzzles to be cracked. They are just human beings. They like telling and listening to stories, they like learning and teaching new things, they like hearing and telling jokes.

Start treating everyone you meet as if they are a good, long time friend. I know it's cliche but "be yourself". You aren't an awkward, weird, self conscious person around your closest friends, so don't act that way around the opposite sex.

And shit, if all else fails - be honest about the issue. If you get awkward and quiet or lose something to say just say "Wow, I'm so sorry, this is so embarrassing but I never know what to say around pretty girls". I've never known a direct confrontation of an awkward issue to do anything but completes resolve the issue. I do this all the time even with long time friends. If one of my friends says something to completely kill a conversation I say "Wow, well that killed the conversation, anyone else want to contribute to the awkward silence?" and boom - laughter, everyone's talking again, situation diffused.

Anyway, this is all my 2 cents and what works for me. I'm married with kids at this point in my life so SOMETHING in this advice worked for me

Good luck with whatever works for you.

 

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[Cesare]

If you're good-looking or wealthy, women will approach you and just have to respond because they are doing most of the talking since they are interested in you.

Source: experience

Conclusion: Get rich or get yourself plastic surgery. Done.

 

[theag]

Models by Mark Manson

Mark Manson's Models

Fun fact about that:

I bought that book sometime last year from a recommendation here (I think it even was Jason's). Started reading and somewhere on the first few pages he said that you should first build your life to the point where you want it to be and then you will automatically attract the kind of women you want as you are fulfilled with your life or something like that.

So I put the book down (well, I closed it in Kindle), got back to working on my business and havent thought about dating since then.

 

[carlolacson]

Be normal.

 

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[EmperorPear]

Be normal.

The most overlooked rule in social interactions.

 

[Digamma]

Fun fact about that:

I bought that book sometime last year from a recommendation here (I think it even was Jason's). Started reading and somewhere on the first few pages he said that you should first build your life to the point where you want it to be and then you will automatically attract the kind of women you want as you are fulfilled with your life or something like that.

So I put the book down (well, I closed it in Kindle), got back to working on my business and havent thought about dating since then.

That's the smart thing to do. The thread's over with your post.
If a man is rich and successful and has trouble with women, something is seriously wrong.

 

[Leo Hendrix]

Not sure really, but try and play it cool, be relaxed and be yourself as others said.

Context/Situation factors would play a part in your strategy.

Try and find something in common to begin with, that is usually the easiest way to start.

Also pay attention to her body language when your paying her attention she should give clues (subtle or not) whether she is into you or not.

Are you just trying to talk to them for the sake of it? get a girlfriend? Get dates? Get laid? What is your intention for talking to girls?

 

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[Dwight Schrute]

be relaxed

This is huge. Too many guys are too tense and come off awkward.

"Girls just wanna have fun" isn't just a song; It's a philosophy.

 

[JAJT]

Money and looks are nice, but absolutely not needed. It's completely unhelpful to say "be rich and attractive".

Yeah, they make things easier, but they are 100% unneeded.

I was easily finding dates with acne on my face/chest/back, a scrawny body (I weight 120 lbs...), shitty used clothes, a less than rigorous shaving routine and long girl-like hair. Oh boy, I was a damn catch back in my teenage/early adult years, let me tell you! Thankfully I've come a long damn way since then...

Seriously, all you need is confidence and to show your best self. That's literally it. I mean, absolutely clean up your look as best you can (haircut, well groomed, clean, casual/normal clothing, etc...) but to say you need to be rich with a chiseled jawline is silly. Further to that point - it's probably not even a good idea to reveal income or success details until chemistry was established so you can know for sure that they weren't into you for the lifestyle you might provide.

 

[The Wall]

Money and looks are nice, but absolutely not needed. It's completely unhelpful to say "be rich and attractive".

Yeah, they make things easier, but they are 100% unneeded.

I was easily finding dates with acne on my face/chest/back, a scrawny body (I weight 120 lbs...), shitty used clothes, a less than rigorous shaving routine and long girl-like hair. Oh boy, I was a damn catch back in my teenage/early adult years, let me tell you! Thankfully I've come a long damn way since then...

Seriously, all you need is confidence and to show your best self. That's literally it. I mean, absolutely clean up your look as best you can (haircut, well groomed, clean, casual/normal clothing, etc...) but to say you need to be rich with a chiseled jawline is silly. Further to that point - it's probably not even a good idea to reveal income or success details until chemistry was established so you can know for sure that they weren't into you for the lifestyle you might provide.

Pretty much this, instead of "Be yourself" think of it as "Be your BEST self"

 

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[SenGracic]

Dress right. ( No need to buy designer brands by the way )
Start working out, it will boost your confidence.
Depends on the kinds of girls you're attracted too but sometimes reading about hollywood gossip news help, no kidding.

2015:
Welcome to the Wanderlust era. Learn about cities, countries ( mostly Europe to be honest ), South-East Asia,Australia too.
Welcome to the ''fitness'' era too. Get in shape and learn about nutrition/workouts.. YOU will be the reference so they will talk to you out of their own interest first but your way to deal with it. PS : If they ask for programs and all that they SHOULD pay or you will be friendzoned pretty fast.

 

[BigBrianC]

I find the biggest issue is that people think "What should I say" while the other person is talking, rather than just listening. Just listen to what they say and say what comes to mine. Just remember that women are people, not aliens. There's no secret formula because every person is different. If she's not responding when you chat, she just may not be in the mood, she may have a boyfriend, she may just not be into your physical appearance. Just talk to her like she was a normal person, don't try to build yourself up/say what you think she wants to hear.

 

[jason91]

I think it just comes down to showing your personality freely.. not trying to be someone or something you're not.

Hey if the girl doesn't like who you are - you guys probably aren't a great match anyway

 

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[AustinS28]

Have you ever been able to make a friend? Same steps. Not really complicated at all. The over complication is probably making you awkward. You're not friends with everyone you meet and you won't attract every girl you talk to but you'll interest some. Just like everything it gets easier the more you do it.

 

[Rawr]

The one and only book you'll ever need about seduction: Mode One: Let the Women Know What You're REALLY Thinking.

It's not for everyone though, but if it resonates with you it will change you life.

Everyone should read this one... tons of truth in it..tons of red pill stuff that guys don't get and girls don't talk about publicly. (its not a female bashing book..quite the opposite, empowering)


Op, The issue is you don't know women well enough yet so you're kinda flying into the walls. Once you understand they are just humans and THEY DIFFER one to another BUT THEY ARE ALSO THE SAME, then you'll understand.

 

[Tony Nguyen]

Be confident, bold & normal, don't reveal to much, don't get to comfortable to fast.
Have good hygiene, take care & love yourself then the person will come.

Everyone loves a compliments it's makes you more likable. (Don't do sexually related compliments)
Compliment them at first.

Address them by their name. "Jillian" that's a beautiful name, so Jillian...

As for the questions to ask. "Any Plans for the weekend?" then continue from there just generally be interested in them & escalate the conversation.

If you don't know if you won't see them again, ask for their number ( what's the worse that can happen ).

Then ask for their number if they won't give you their number "Oh, okay! that's understandable it was great meeting you Jillian, i hope you have a good day" then move on, it'll make you look more confident.

Keep in mind everyone is different.

Note.
Good books to reads - How to win friends & influence people - Dale Carnegie

Also wrong section.

 

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[Fatal Jay]

The best way to get any woman of your choice is treating her like $hit and never paying her attention. You only give her a small amount of attention when she does something that benefit you.

It's the modern truth when it comes to most women these days.

Treating her like $hit = the same way you would treat a 600 pound woman who had a crush on you

a woman receives tons of compliments and get hit on daily by men. She will never date these guys they are average. The guy who doesn't even look her way is who she wants.

 

[Tony Nguyen]

The best way to get any woman of your choice is treating her like $hit and never paying her attention. You only give her a small amount of attention when she does something that benefit you.

It's the modern truth when it comes to most women these days.

Treating her like $hit = the same way you would treat a 600 pound woman who had a crush on you

Same thing can happen In reverse which is why everyone is chasing attention and affection nowadays, kind of sad.

 

[Fatal Jay]

Same thing can happen In reverse which is why everyone is chasing attention and affection nowadays, kind of sad.

Look, I have been with a lot of women and I'm not even bragging. I use to go to bars and mind*uck girls. I would go to the hottest girl in the club buy her a drink converse with her for a little then walk off and not speak to her again for the whole night. Not asking for her number, nothing

For the whole night she is eye *ucking me like a lion to a gazelle.

I have been on both sides to be rejected, I have complimented and been a great guy. Modern woman doesn't want that. She wants to chase she wants a thrill

Most of you guys talking about be nice to her and let her know how you feel, have been shut down constantly by women. I been down that road myself.It does not work

 

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[Tony Nguyen]

Look, I have been with a lot of women and I'm not even bragging. I use to go to bars and mind*uck girls. I would go to the hottest girl in the club buy her a drink converse with her for a little then walk off and not speak to her again for the whole night. Not asking for her number, nothing

For the whole night she is eye *ucking me like a lion to a gazelle.

I have been on both sides to be rejected, I have complimented and been a great guy. Modern woman doesn't want that. She wants to chase she wants a thrill

Most of you guys talking about be nice to her and let her know how you feel, have been shut down constantly by women. I been down that road myself.It does not work

You have experience that's respectful, if I offended you In any way man I apologize.

I was just saying that it can go both way.

Since everyone is different.

I appreciate the fact that your being real and sharing your experience Jay.

Thanks for the advice.

 

[Fatal Jay]

You have experience that's respectful, if I offended you In any way man I apologize.

I was just saying that it can go both way.

Since everyone is different.

I appreciate the fact that your being real and sharing your experience Jay.

Thanks for the advice.

My skin is tough like bulletproof wallets. You are good Tony.

Tony are you related to peter or dustin nguyen?