Being in a relationship with a slowlaner...

[Luffy]

It's in the little things. Everyone has issues. How do you perceive things? Do you let the scale of things that bug the shit out of you outweigh the good? Do you harbor bad feelings, and then let those be the lens through which you view the other person?

What if you were able to love the person for who they were vs. who you wanted them to be?

People never crumble in a day. It's the creschendo of a series of choices.

What would be the most important thing in your opinion to sustain a long term relationship?

 

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[mars]

Do you harbor bad feelings, and then let those be the lens through which you view the other person?

What if you were able to love the person for who they were vs. who you wanted them to be?

This is a pure gem.

 

[LibertyForMe]

What would be the most important thing in your opinion to sustain a long term relationship?

I'm not Vig, and I'm not going on 23 years, but I would say great communication. You can't let even minor annoyances fester, you've gotta talk in an open and honest way and be able to put your feelings aside and not feel like you are getting attacked. The better you are at communicating, the better you will be in my opinion.

 

[Luffy]

I'm not Vig, and I'm not going on 23 years, but I would say great communication. You can't let even minor annoyances fester, you've gotta talk in an open and honest way and be able to put your feelings aside and not feel like you are getting attacked. The better you are at communicating, the better you will be in my opinion.

From what I gather, you spend more time keeping a relationship smooth than you do enjoying it which sucks.

 

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[IGSKnox]

In a relationship aspect, it says tons about a woman who will hang around, any business owner knows the ups and downs of business (feast or fammin) in the trades. The dedication one has to put in often times puts relationships on the backburn, not to mention women like the whole security blanket aspect of a steady weekly paycheck, as well as most people do. For a woman to stay through all the crap we will put them through, I say shes a keeper!

 

[Vigilante]

What would be the most important thing in your opinion to sustain a long term relationship?

Not sure there is one. It's the whole package.

 

[Luffy]

Not sure there is one. It's the whole package.

Lol alright, I was hoping for more insight.

 

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[DeletedUser394]

Here's a question for anyone and everyone. At what point did you determine you wanted a girlfriend? Not even a wife, just a relationship? Because I've yet to feel that way (at least since highschool has long ago ended)

I'm not unhappy in any sense, but it seems so many other people set 'relationship' as a goal, yet it's not on my radar and not something I actively seek out.

Getting married is also never an option, based off of personal beliefs/convictions, but I'm not opposed to a common law relationship.

I'm definitely attracted to women, but I value friendship over a relationship in all instances. King of the friendzone.

And don't take this as me 'wanting to sleep around'. I have yet to want to seek out those opportunities either haha.

Am I just an outlier?

I'm not 'anti-people' in any sense, love hanging out with friends and meeting new people, but it's a weird 'non feeling'.

If I had to take a guess, it could be because I grew up with a single mother who never dated.. and so it was never on my list of things to do.

I don't know *shrugs*, I like being alone, guess there's nothing wrong with that.

I've tried the relationship thing once or twice, not really into it, but maybe they just weren't great? They haven't jaded me at all, don't get me wrong. They weren't bad experiences, just not overly beneficial either.

 

[Bila]

@GrumpyCat .........It's a type of personality that people dont talk about a lot. I was in a long term relationship with a guy like that .....until it hit me : he would be happier alone or with kind of a unique arrangment ........and me happier with another guy

 

[Bila]

Here's a question for anyone and everyone. At what point did you determine you wanted a girlfriend? Not even a wife, just a relationship? Because I've yet to feel that way (at least since highschool has long ago ended)

I'm not unhappy in any sense, but it seems so many other people set 'relationship' as a goal, yet it's not on my radar and not something I actively seek out.

Getting married is also never an option, based off of personal beliefs/convictions, but I'm not opposed to a common law relationship.

I'm definitely attracted to women, but I value friendship over a relationship in all instances. King of the friendzone.

And don't take this as me 'wanting to sleep around'. I have yet to want to seek out those opportunities either haha.

Am I just an outlier?

I'm not 'anti-people' in any sense, love hanging out with friends and meeting new people, but it's a weird 'non feeling'.

If I had to take a guess, it could be because I grew up with a single mother who never dated.. and so it was never on my list of things to do.

I don't know *shrugs*, I like being alone, guess there's nothing wrong with that.

I've tried the relationship thing once or twice, not really into it, but maybe they just weren't great? They haven't jaded me at all, don't get me wrong. They weren't bad experiences, just not overly beneficial either.

I feel like i should elaborate more so : - I dont think there is something " wrong " with this type of personality, it has it characteristics and should know what works and not......the demands of society ask for a certain type of relationships that dont fit their needs, that's all.

 

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[mars]

Here's a question for anyone and everyone. At what point did you determine you wanted a girlfriend? Not even a wife, just a relationship? Because I've yet to feel that way (at least since highschool has long ago ended)

I'm not unhappy in any sense, but it seems so many other people set 'relationship' as a goal, yet it's not on my radar and not something I actively seek out.

Getting married is also never an option, based off of personal beliefs/convictions, but I'm not opposed to a common law relationship.

I'm definitely attracted to women, but I value friendship over a relationship in all instances. King of the friendzone.

And don't take this as me 'wanting to sleep around'. I have yet to want to seek out those opportunities either haha.

Am I just an outlier?

I'm not 'anti-people' in any sense, love hanging out with friends and meeting new people, but it's a weird 'non feeling'.

If I had to take a guess, it could be because I grew up with a single mother who never dated.. and so it was never on my list of things to do.

I don't know *shrugs*, I like being alone, guess there's nothing wrong with that.

I've tried the relationship thing once or twice, not really into it, but maybe they just weren't great? They haven't jaded me at all, don't get me wrong. They weren't bad experiences, just not overly beneficial either.

@GrumpyCat I was a lot like you a few years ago.Having a serious girlfriend just wasn't something I cared about in my early to mid 20s. Having the worst luck with girlfriends didn't help either. Just nightmares! Then I got to the point that I just opened myself up to accepting someone else and growing personally. It made all the difference. It all started with changing myself and lead to an amazing woman.

I'm curious why do you separate friendship and relationship? The woman I'm dating is my best friend.

 

[Goobii]

I can't tell you, because I got lucky. I married my high school sweetheart, and she grew into the woman she is today. Someone else will have to come along that got married later in life.

I can tell you about my wife, though. My son would be wise to look for a woman like she is.

• She's an independent thinker, yet constantly puts other people's needs in front of hers
• She's smarter than most people, but doesn't wear it on her sleeve
• She believes in me. The single most important factor towards our mutual success. It's been a bumpy road, but she never got cold feet.
• We got married for life. There never was an alternative either of us would consider.
• She loves the finer things in life, and she knows what produces them (and it's not a 9-5 job)
• She's a fantastic Mom
• My daughter said the other day that my daughter hopes to gain the skill my wife has of not saying what doesn't need to be said
• She believes people are usually always just trying to do the best they can based on what they know. She always defaults towards giving people the benefit of the doubt
• She's never given me a reason to look elsewhere for sex.
• She gets more beautiful when she ages, and she looks way younger than we are
• She doesn't cry much - not super emotional
• She can drink half of you under the table
• She's a great cook, and always learning
• Her mother is the kindest person I have ever met. That's important. That's a good predictor.
• There's never been one single time where she has kicked me when I was down, even in situations where I might have deserved it
• We like the same things
• We like the same people
• We like the same geography
• She is one of the smartest business minds I have ever come across, although she would laugh if you told her that
• She has never said NO to any of my dreams, even the wild ones
• She does however give me reality checks on HOW to get there
• She wants more money
• She wants more freedom
• She wants her kids to exceed us
• She wants more wine
• She's resilliant
• She doesn't eat Lunchable pizza (ever!)

I fell in love initially with her looks (I am sure.., like any guy.) I then fell in love with her character. The more I fell in love with her character, the prettier she became. And that I think is the key to why she is aging well. She's pretty inside, which makes her pretty outside. She looks younger today than she did a few years ago, because she's in even better shape. She still gets carded. She is my midlife muse. My midlife crisis. Some people go find themselves a younger model. I don't need to. She's everything you would want, at any age.

So... that's what I would look for.

That's just beautiful man! It's great to see in today's society that 2 people can still have the love & respect you have for each other.

It all started with changing myself and lead to an amazing woman

I fully agree with that. I just got tired of the dating and all the baggage that came with the girls I was dating at the time. I decided to take some time off and just focus on me for a year and once I had a clear vision of myself then everything started falling into place.

I met my wife during my final year of Uni & have now been together for 10 years!

 

[Mamadoo]

The lesson here? Fastlane first, partner 2nd

 

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[Martinv678]

I think that depends on the person. To me it's more parallel. At the end of the day what you earn and create will be some one else's but the way you make people feel will last forever. If you start meeting people once your in the fastlane you run the risk of meeting fake people. But thats just my feeling everyone is different.

 

[IGSKnox]

Somewhere in there their is a happy balance, of the customers I have, and were talking the one's that own 6mil homes, theyre wives understand and stand by their husbands for all the work they do, including being away from home for days on end

 

[SBS.95]

The lesson here? Fastlane first, partner 2nd

If you read this thread, particularly the past few pages, and that's the simplified summary you came up with, I'd read it again.

Really unique perspectives from both sides, this isn't a black/white thing. Interesting to hear different people's experiences.

 

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[DeletedUser394]

@GrumpyCat

I'm curious why do you separate friendship and relationship? The woman I'm dating is my best friend

Because as much as I enjoy the company of my friends, I don't want to talk to the same ones every day, and I especially don't want to live with any of them.

And in the past, once a relationship dissolves, there goes the friendship. Rather just maintain the friendship.

I'm not into any drama that might come along as well. Unlike here on the internet, in the real world I don't have arguments. I walk away, because it usually isn't worth it.

The risk/reward benefit is too low. The vetting process (first dates) just adds unnecessary stress to my existence.

The biggest hindrance is that I would only be able to date a certain type of girl. 'Type' in the sense of her personal choices and how she chooses to live her life. I'd rather not say what I'm talking about, but let's use the example of religion. Let's say a Christian dude dating a Muslim girl, or something like that. It might work for some, but not most. Even though what I'm talking about isn't religion, it is a very important piece of my life, fundamental to who I am as a person, and any potential lady friend would have to live this same way already.

That's why I prefer friendships too. I don't care what you do, what you believe in, etc we can still be great friends. But for something as personal as a 1 on 1 relationship there are certain things that are non starters which eliminates a huge percentage of the potential 'mate' pool.

I'm pretty weird, but I'm happy, so that's what is important to me.

 

[Mattie]

"Think it comes down to one simple thought, action, and two words: "Unconditional Love". You master that any relationship can thrive and last a life time. There are many times those thoughts, actions, and words have to be disciplined in love. Love is simple. We just choose to do everything else by human nature.

 

[Mamadoo]

Ok.. can someone please help me. I have been trying to figure out how to post a new thread for 2 weeks. Seriously, not a joke.

 

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[SBS.95]

Ok.. can someone please help me. I have been trying to figure out how to post a new thread for 2 weeks. Seriously, not a joke.

Go into a category like "General Discussion" or "Relationships" or w/e and click the button:

Right at the top of the page. If you're on mobile I have no idea. Go use a computer haha.

 

[Martinv678]

So to add an end to the story... I had to end it. She started to moan all the time about money and how she couldn't earn it. I offered to help her out on many occasions each time she would refuse. I would work on projects in the evening on my laptop and she would tell me stop so we could watch TV together. I'm not a TV person, kinda feel its a waste of time unless its factual and interesting to me. She would get super controlling and on the weekends if I wanted to work for jut a couple of hours she would get super wound up. Maybe I was being unreasonable but at the time did create something kinda fastlane.

The final straw was this... I said to her look... Let's create something together which then could help towards your "money situation" (she wasn't broke, she just wanted more things). I said i'll get the product from china and you just help with pictures and getting it on to Amazon / website. We had a deal where I take 60% for putting all the cash in (which was too low for what she was actually doing) and she took 40%. She just had to create some content. She used to cry as her laptop was shit so I actually said if we're going to do this I'll buy a new one and DID, LIKE A MASSIVE IDIOT!

We then broke up and she has been demanding so much... I've taken on the product single handedly I do so much promotion and have driven the traffic to get great sales. She does nothing and demands money, she'll do something once in a while that is a little helpful and will then turn around and be like I now want 50% and demands me to change the contract. Everything above is my fault as it was my choice to get involved in business with her.

What I look for now is someone who would be understanding. I know there are compromises so will have to be better at that in the future.

I hope people have found this thread to be useful!

 

[JokerCrazyBeatz]

So to add an end to the story... I had to end it. She started to moan all the time about money and how she couldn't earn it. I offered to help her out on many occasions each time she would refuse. I would work on projects in the evening on my laptop and she would tell me stop so we could watch TV together. I'm not a TV person, kinda feel its a waste of time unless its factual and interesting to me. She would get super controlling and on the weekends if I wanted to work for jut a couple of hours she would get super wound up. Maybe I was being unreasonable but at the time did create something kinda fastlane.

The final straw was this... I said to her look... Let's create something together which then could help towards your "money situation" (she wasn't broke, she just wanted more things). I said i'll get the product from china and you just help with pictures and getting it on to Amazon / website. We had a deal where I take 60% for putting all the cash in (which was too low for what she was actually doing) and she took 40%. She just had to create some content. She used to cry as her laptop was shit so I actually said if we're going to do this I'll buy a new one and DID, LIKE A MASSIVE IDIOT!

We then broke up and she has been demanding so much... I've taken on the product single handedly I do so much promotion and have driven the traffic to get great sales. She does nothing and demands money, she'll do something once in a while that is a little helpful and will then turn around and be like I now want 50% and demands me to change the contract. Everything above is my fault as it was my choice to get involved in business with her.

What I look for now is someone who would be understanding. I know there are compromises so will have to be better at that in the future.

I hope people have found this thread to be useful!

Thats EXACTLY the kinda relatiomship i just got out of , she was a slowlaner that wasnt willing to become fastlane , she understood the concept and the benefits , she talked about wanting it , but she wasnt willing to make the mental shift

 

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[StevieB]

Sorry to hear you had to end it but it sounds like that was the best choice. I've been through three long term relationships and once you start having those thoughts of "should I end it" they don't go away and it doesn't get better, you're basically just dragging it on and being unhappy at that point.

I recently got out of a 5 1/2 year relationship. She was one of the laziest people I knew. Just watched TV and played video games all the time and would leave the house a mess. There where good qualities about her but her mindset was seriously dragging me down.

People say you shouldn't try to change someone but relationships are best when you each push each other to be a better person. Given this has to be something the other person WANTS to do, otherwise yes trying to change them isn't going to be a good thing.

Thankfully I now know a lot better than I did of what to look for in a person. It's also about where you are in life and what you want your future to look like.

It's been about 4 months and I've found someone else who is independent, has her own life and goals, and gives me my space who also has a side business. I've found that I'm extremely distracted when I'm not dating someone, instead of avoiding it all together I've found someone who allows me the time to pursue my goals, isn't controlling at all, and pushes me to be a better person. It took a ton of effort but it's well worth it.

A good relationship is certainly a worthy goal but have your own life and be willing to let it go sooner than later if it becomes toxic for you. If they are really the right person for you then it won't seem like such a burden to stay with them.

 

[Mattie]

Personally, I think you have to have two exceptional people to make it through entrepreneurship. I think you have to look at it from their perspective too. You're spending hours and hours building a business.

Women and men both love attention. If you're not paying attention to them, someone else is. And of course like any other habit or addiction, even though entrepreneurship is for the money, life, and positive things, it still steels valuable time away from the relationship, and really we're asking them to make sacrifices the same as us on the journey.

The mindset is what gets us in trouble, because we're pumping our brains all the time with knowledge, and other people aren't. So then it becomes difficult when habits and lifestyles are shifting, but the world around us remains the same.

It's hard to balance life and relationships, but I guess it depends on priorities, and making the time to maintain both business and the relationship. One or the other suffers at times. It's what you highly value the most. Having a relationship and money, money, or love. There are three different choices here, and I suppose we all make the choices as we go along.

I believe we also have to remember, if it was easy, everyone would be doing it. And we all know their are a million steps in the process of entrepreneurship. I believe you really can't complain about other people who prefer to live in slow lane if that's what is best for them. And I don't believe everyone has it in them to be a successful entrepreneur. I believe you have to evaluate whether you're expectations of the person are realistic or not. And whether the person is worth waiting to grow and develop along with you, or just completely not compatible.

I know some people learn in big chunks, others in small chunks. Some learn fast and others slow.

I don't think just because I'm an entrepreneur to expect everyone around me to live the same lifestyle. It's unrealistic. And yes mindset is key, we all know this. I have to say I have sacrificed a lot of people out of my life to succeed. Sometimes it sucks, but I don't know that being a loner all the time is very healthy.

It might seem grand to be focused on projects all the time, but what's the big deal if you spend some quality time with your partner or family. If it's not something you like to do, be creative and invite them to do something else that interests you both.

Like I stated, before I suppose it's about how much you value companionship and your partner, or rather be alone and just be focused on your work.

 

[_Seba_]

So to add an end to the story... I had to end it. She started to moan all the time about money and how she couldn't earn it.

Sounds like you finally made the right decision.

 

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[Vitom]

So to add an end to the story... I had to end it. She started to moan all the time about money and how she couldn't earn it. I offered to help her out on many occasions each time she would refuse. I would work on projects in the evening on my laptop and she would tell me stop so we could watch TV together. I'm not a TV person, kinda feel its a waste of time unless its factual and interesting to me. She would get super controlling and on the weekends if I wanted to work for jut a couple of hours she would get super wound up. Maybe I was being unreasonable but at the time did create something kinda fastlane.

The final straw was this... I said to her look... Let's create something together which then could help towards your "money situation" (she wasn't broke, she just wanted more things). I said i'll get the product from china and you just help with pictures and getting it on to Amazon / website. We had a deal where I take 60% for putting all the cash in (which was too low for what she was actually doing) and she took 40%. She just had to create some content. She used to cry as her laptop was shit so I actually said if we're going to do this I'll buy a new one and DID, LIKE A MASSIVE IDIOT!

We then broke up and she has been demanding so much... I've taken on the product single handedly I do so much promotion and have driven the traffic to get great sales. She does nothing and demands money, she'll do something once in a while that is a little helpful and will then turn around and be like I now want 50% and demands me to change the contract. Everything above is my fault as it was my choice to get involved in business with her.

What I look for now is someone who would be understanding. I know there are compromises so will have to be better at that in the future.

I hope people have found this thread to be useful!

I get EXACTLY how you feel.

 

[arfadugus]

Lead by example

 

[Guest34764]

All too relevant, I really like this girl but she's pretty slow lane.

Drugs, partying, doesn't know much financial responsibility.I'm going pretty crazy for her though for some reason.If I could swing her to a better thought process and take out some bad habits I'd see myself dating her.

Perhaps she's having more fun doing this than what I'm currently doing , and trying to help her with some of these issues could make her not her.

Geez.

High School relationships, ayyyy.

 

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[Ravens_Shadow]

All too relevant, I really like this girl but she's pretty slow lane.

Drugs, partying, doesn't know much financial responsibility.I'm going pretty crazy for her though for some reason.If I could swing her to a better thought process and take out some bad habits I'd see myself dating her.

Perhaps she's having more fun doing this than what I'm currently doing , and trying to help her with some of these issues could make her not her.

Geez.

High School relationships, ayyyy.

You can't change anyone, and you shouldn't have to. I waited until the one that suited my needs, wants and desires came along. I wasn't impatient, and it was completely effortless. It took 0 effort on my part to come together, which is how it should be. If she doesn't share the same mindset as you, or the mindset your dream woman has, probably not worth your time. You also have to realize you're young, and the girls you're dating are young. Young people as a whole do crazy things when they're in their teenage years. So who knows what'll happen in the future with her, she could do a complete 180 and be what you like, or she couldn't. Just enjoy it!

 

[G2TS-Man]

This thread is full of advices for me... don't know what to do.. I live with my girlfriend for 6+ years ago... In + of that we have other couple problems (moods, common ideas,etc...)... She's very beautiful and we had a rich past together since college. BUT TODAY, I have an affirmation: my girlfriend comme from a sidewalk place, and today she has a slowlane mind. She knows that FASTLANE exists, she knows that I'm ready to sacrifice everything to try it, but she's always negative about all every day, and I realize each day that she is a brake for me.... It makes me sad but I never give up and I think I will give us 3 months to try to save our couple (it's good period to test everything because I actually creating a new business so it's real conditions..) ' If it not works, I stop it all and begin a new life..