Where Can I Find Better Quality Friends?

[Amazonian_Chimp]

I have a lot of people in my life, Mostly people from my past. These people are rather committed to doing nothing worthwhile with their lives. Many of the people in my past, I let go of. They are no longer a part of my life. I have come to the conclusion, that it is time to cut more losers off.

The problem is there is a lack of quality people in my life, to replace them with. The town i'm living in is a dump. I can't seem to find quality friends, no matter where I look. I only live an hour outside of Seattle. Everybody who was worthwhile, moved over there. Every time I go to the city I interact with good people, who aren't thinking and acting like the losers in my hometown.

I understand that even in the city there are people I should be avoiding, and not associating with.

How can I establish better friendships with people who are worth my time?

People who will help me get to where I want to go, instead of dragging me down.

 

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[Amazonian_Chimp]

I understand that i need to find the good people, and provide value to them. Give them something worthwhile. I just don't know where to find the valuable people.

 

[MRSupply]

Meetup.com is a great place to find people with like interests.

I've met some great people at my church as well.

And when you're hanging out with these new people, remember: be the person you want to be, not the person others expect you to be. It took me longer than I'd have preferred to learn this!

 

[Amazonian_Chimp]

Meetup.com is a great place to find people with like interests.

I've met some great people at my church as well.

And when you're hanging out with these new people, remember: be the person you want to be, not the person others expect you to be. It took me longer than I'd have preferred to learn this!

Yeah, I've really met some great people at church. They helped me turn my life around. Problem is they're small town folk, without much going on for them. Mostly an older congregation. Perhaps I should start going to church in a more economically active area.

 

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[conquer]

Build a startup and get into Angelpad or Y Combinator

Go to a TED talks event for $7k

Get a job at a hotel/convention center/golf course

Join groups/clubs of interest

 

[The-J]

Here.

@Silverhawk851 @ddzc @MyronGainz @TheTruth @Ultras @JAJT @Aaron W

Toronto crew represent! (JAJT is an honorary member. @Jamie T and @JonnyC almost made it as honorary members, but one of you is always hopping between cities and the other... well we won't talk about what happened to you)

Seriously, man, the forum changed my life because it put me in touch with awesome people. I'd consider many of you guys friends. I'd tag all of you but... sorry, recency bias. You all know who you are, and most of you made it to the Summit this past year.

 

[Captain Jack]

Potential friends are everywhere, man. Just do what you like to do and the friends will follow.

And, if you don't like where you're living, then move.

 

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[AustinS28]

Quality > Quantity...

I had a lot more "friends" when I was 20 and going out drinking several nights a week, than now, 5 years later with a business and bigger goals.

The relationships I have now are much better. Today, friendships are true and my network is full of people who I offer value to and they offer value to me in return.

The only way I built these relationships was immersing myself in what I was passionate about, and starting a business that put me in touch with many different people, some who have turned into great friends.

Instead of searching for friends, I'd search for where your passions lie, you'll find friends there — and I'd also continue pursuing your business (fastlane) goals, you'll find friends there as well.

Someday you’ll be completely comfortable with yourself, self sufficient in a way where you don’t need anyone to bring you comfort. I think when you reach this place the friends you make, and people who enter into your life will be the type of people you’re currently searching for. You’re not filling a void so the relationship can be genuine.

 

[TonyStark]

I've learned one thing in my very young and naive life, and that is that people don't change, or it's hard for them to change. So with that in mind, go search for new friends in new places. I wish I had the guts to move somewhere else. If you do it, more power to you.

 

[Amazonian_Chimp]

I've learned one thing in my very young and naive life, and that is that people don't change, or it's hard for them to change. So with that in mind, go search for new friends in new places. I wish I had the guts to move somewhere else. If you do it, more power to you.

The more I travel out of the town I live in, the more I hate living here. I've lived here most of my life and gotten used to it. The more I think about it, the more I realize it's not the place for me.

 

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[Rudynate]

I like learning languages. I meet very high-quality people at language classes.

For a year, I belonged to a BNI chapter. I dropped out because they were the wrong crowd to be referring business to me, but they were otherwise great to hang with - smart, high-energy, ambitious. I'm thinking of joining back up just to get to rub elbows with that type of crowd again.

 

[InnovateDesign]

Hey! I live like an hour from you! haha

Back on topic, I feel the exact same way. I am 23 and have sort of stopped hanging out with a lot of my old stoner friends who I would smoke pot with daily. Though now I feel like I don't have many friends. I still have a few friends who I hangout with but one of them is an aspiring slowlaner (He is trying to work at the job I work at, corporate Boeing the rest of his life) and another one is absolutely a sidewalker (though his life at home is sort of tough).

I am trying to meet people with the same goals as I do but I do not seem to be finding any but I think it is my own doing.

My problem is that I am still going out drinking on the weekends at the clubs and stuff rather than getting over the college life style. My mindset at this current moment is that people who don't like to have just a little fun once in a while do not fully interest me either. I need to grow out of this because it isn't the right way to look at things.

I did start making money online by selling a service I can do and make about half of what I make at my current job, which isn't bad at all for the amount of time I actually have to put into it.

 

[AndrewNC]

ust do what you like to do and the friends will follow.

And, if you don't like where you're living, then move.

This.

This is the answer. Do what you enjoy doing, and you'll naturally find yourself surrounded by likeminded people when you do that. It doesn't matter if it's a meetup group, a book club, or hiking.

Do what you enjoy doing and the rest will happen easier.

 

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[GuestUser141]

My best friend is the person i see in the mirror,he doesn,t let me down and I trust him to do right by me always. he'll always be their til the day I die.

After a night of Guinness

He's not my best friend and i hate looking and feeling the way I do,i wish he'd go away.

Self pity is never productive

 

[OldFaithful]

@Amazonian_Chimp, I've been thinking a lot about similar issues lately, though moving isn't an option for me right now. I've come to the conclusion that I need to be working on me and not worrying about other people. The old adage says something along the lines of "to have a friend first be a friend". So to have the type of friends I want, I'm first working on being the type of person that they'd want to be friends with. It's difficult, and seems a bit lonely at first, but I'm learning and I won't give up. Keep up the effort & stay positive. If I can do it, you can too.

 

[GuestUser450]

When I was an obnoxious teen, I said something similar to a family member, to the effect of, "I hate this little town and its do-nothing losers and d-bags."

He said, "The problem is, they'll magically appear wherever you go because you're projecting your zero self-worth onto others." In my case, he was right. I wasn't doing enough to be the person people wanted as a friend, other than slackers and users.

That may not apply to you, but the point being: yeah you should probably move for the opportunity and get away from vampires, as long as you help others before deeming them worthy of helping you up.

 

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[Ultras]

Do you have hobby? One of the best places to be social and active is social dance place. There is many kind of dancing from latin to urban etc ...

 

[ActionMonth]

When I was an obnoxious teen, I said something similar to a family member, to the effect of, "I hate this little town and its do-nothing losers and d-bags."

He said, "The problem is, they'll magically appear wherever you go because you're projecting your zero self-worth onto others." In my case, he was right. I wasn't doing enough to be the person people wanted as a friend, other than slackers and users.

That may not apply to you, but the point being: yeah you should probably move for the opportunity and get away from vampires, as long as you help others before deeming them worthy of helping you up.

I lived in a pretty toxic environment myself. I had to move to a completely different state half way across the country in search of a more positive surrounding. Even after I had family and friends telling me for years how stupid and crazy it was to move out to a different state on my own. This type of mindset of trying to set me up for failure before I even tried it has got to go, so I did it, I moved. If you want it that bad then you'll find a way, but not if you keep being pessimistic.

Like TeveTorbes said though, you can't run from your problems. I ended up being friends with the same kind of toxic people. In the back of my mind I had always wanted to strive for greatness. Partying every weekend just wasn't for me. It wasn't until I cut those type of people loose, picked up some books, hit the gym, watched speeches by successful people instead of watching TV series, started taking a few risks to force myself out of my comfort zone. That's when I started noticing the winners and that's when the winners started noticing me. There are 2 guys that I still talk to since I moved. I consider them to be my brothers, we are always pushing each other to do better, we're competitive with one another, we share vital information with each other and share our skills and talents with one another to help us move forward with our goals.

See, you have to get up out of your comfort zone for any sort of thing to happen. I met these guys out of random chance(risk). By no means am I a billionaire and you don't have to take my word for anything. I only speak from the very small experience I have and want to share with you how I made my way out of a shit hole to greener pastures. If I never took the leap, I would have probably died in the slowlane and would never even be anywhere near this forum.

BE THE ENERGY YOU WISH TO ATTRACT!!!

 

[LightHouse]

So F*cking move, jesus, lol.

Where's @K.Y. And his story when you need him

Sent from my Nexus 6P using Tapatalk

 

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[ModernAlpha]

Not much to add since everything mentioned above was all pretty awesome! I'll just tack on, it's possible you may need to actively work on being more outgoing and social, especially around strangers. Go where other entrepreneur/success-minded people are going to be and step out of your comfort zone and meet as many as you can. Don't be afraid to ask for phone numbers or facebooks or whatever you have to. Then be the proactive guy that makes the cool plans with people.

If you're really serious about getting around cool people, you can start your own meetup group. I've started a bunch of different meetups over the last few years and I'm always amazed at how many quality people show up and how few weirdos come around. Your goal is to do week;y meetups and get a handful of consistent people that are cool and positive and then when the negative weirdos do show up, they feel awkward and either leave or just never return. That's how I've built a great group of personal friends that are positive and have similar interests.

 

[Pete799p]

Time to move.

If you describe where you live as a dump it's time to get out. Seattle might not be your answer. There are lots of successful people everywhere. I have friends who live in rural towns that work with billionaires because rich people like large pieces of land.

Step 1 Figure out where you want to live then go there.
Step 2 ?
Step 3 - profit

 

[nradam123]

What I am doing now-
1) Find good startups in the nearest big city (Seattle for you) through Google, startup news websites .etc
2) Find their email id.
3) Ask them for an interview as part of your blog (I do not have a blog, but i have a registered domain and I tell them its upcoming)
4) Take the interview on phone (Since you live far away). Keep the interaction fun instead of asking too many questions.
BOOOM You have peeked into a new potential friendship.
Next time when you go Seattle go meet him in office, take them for lunch or something like that.

And one more thing brother, when I read you opening post i feel that you hate your life. Please try to reframe everything as AWESOME because chances are life is kinda awesome already but you are addicted to negativity. Atleast you are alive now, you have a roof above your head and you are not living in poverty and that makes you luckier than 90% people in the third world. Why am i telling you that? Because
1) If you are not happy now you will not be happy later. Positivity is a part of your brain which you have to train.
2) I would much rather be friends with someone who thinks life is awesome rather than someone who thinks life sucks.
3) If you are negative you will attract people into your life who are negative. Thats no good.

Yeah man, good luck.

 

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[Jesse Dallenbach]

Hey man YOU have answered your questions with the words YOU have written.

"The town i'm living in is a dump. I can't seem to find quality friends, no matter where I look. I only live an hour outside of Seattle. Everybody who was worthwhile, moved over there. Every time I go to the city I interact with good people, who aren't thinking and acting like the losers in my hometown."

"The more I travel out of the town I live in, the more I hate living here. I've lived here most of my life and gotten used to it. The more I think about it, the more I realize it's not the place for me."

If YOU truly feel like what YOU wrote above than YOU know what YOU have to do to change the way YOU feel.

Break Through Bro.

Good Luck.

 

[Deleted20833]

I just heard Dan Pena saying the super successful people
don't worry about upgrading their peer group

They are eagles who fly alone

 

[downpaymentblues]

What I am doing now-
1) Find good startups in the nearest big city (Seattle for you) through Google, startup news websites .etc
2) Find their email id.
3) Ask them for an interview as part of your blog (I do not have a blog, but i have a registered domain and I tell them its upcoming)
4) Take the interview on phone (Since you live far away). Keep the interaction fun instead of asking too many questions.
BOOOM You have peeked into a new potential friendship.
Next time when you go Seattle go meet him in office, take them for lunch or something like that.

In my opinion that's not tackling OP's problem, because calling someone and asking him a few questions is sole networking and does not help to establish a true friendship. Joking to the cashier in the supermarket will in most cases never result in a friendship, because the frame of both persons are clear: One is just a cashier, the other is just a customer. Sure, an acquaintanceship with a cashier or a startup can become helpful, but not if you are seeking for the values of true friendships.

That's why I like AustinS28's post. Find your passion and find friends through that. Establishing friendships on through sports or music is much more effective in my opinion, because you interact on the same level.

 

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[Sanj Modha]

Hang out in FB groups with people in your country or area. Start working out, go do Yoga etc.

Change your life and you will start attracting the people you need.

Or you can up sticks and move like MJ did. That works

 

[SteveO]

You can start by looking at yourself. Your hatred for your town will not go away if you move. You will find a reason to hate the next place as well. You are free to do what you WANT. Just look inside yourself to see what you want to do.

The people around you may or may not be losers. That type of judgment will not be helpful to you though. Hang out with those that you have shared interests with. There will not be any changes if you continue to look for issues in people.

I have friends that don't have aspirations of being wealthy. But they play softball... and I like to play softball.

 

[nradam123]

In my opinion that's not tackling OP's problem, because calling someone and asking him a few questions is sole networking and does not help to establish a true friendship. Joking to the cashier in the supermarket will in most cases never result in a friendship, because the frame of both persons are clear: One is just a cashier, the other is just a customer. Sure, an acquaintanceship with a cashier or a startup can become helpful, but not if you are seeking for the values of true friendships.

That's why I like AustinS28's post. Find your passion and find friends through that. Establishing friendships on through sports or music is much more effective in my opinion, because you interact on the same level.

100%
Join dance classes if you like dancing, go to startup events if you want to startup, go to the lair if you want to game.
The interview is a specific tactic I am using now and I wanted to share it because it is helping me. You get to meet some real badasses this way, try it out.

 

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[K.Y.]

So F*cking move, jesus, lol.

Where's @K.Y. And his story when you need him

Sent from my Nexus 6P using Tapatalk

I literally moved across the country because I felt how you felt. Michigan to Arizona. I left all of my old friends and everyone I knew to move to a completely new state. I didn't completely cut everyone off though. Still stay in touch and hang out when I visit Michigan.

Does it have to be that drastic? Probably not. You said you live an hour away. Move to Seattle then.

As for meeting people you want to be associated with. You already said you know that you need to provide value. That's how I built my network out here. If you want to meet the owner of a company, reach out to them and offer to provide value to them. My two skill sets are web development and fitness. I find someway that one of those two skills can help them.

no one is going to suddenly come take you by the hand and lead the way. you have to make the decision to move and just do it.

Here are some videos I made about these topics after moving to Arizona.

moving across the country

why environment is important

building a network

 

[mom]

I have a lot of people in my life, Mostly people from my past. These people are rather committed to doing nothing worthwhile with their lives. Many of the people in my past, I let go of. They are no longer a part of my life. I have come to the conclusion, that it is time to cut more losers off.

The problem is there is a lack of quality people in my life, to replace them with. The town i'm living in is a dump. I can't seem to find quality friends, no matter where I look. I only live an hour outside of Seattle. Everybody who was worthwhile, moved over there. Every time I go to the city I interact with good people, who aren't thinking and acting like the losers in my hometown.

I understand that even in the city there are people I should be avoiding, and not associating with.

How can I establish better friendships with people who are worth my time?

People who will help me get to where I want to go, instead of dragging me down.

yeah that's life....i'd say 95%+ of people are happy to go through the motions, never learn, grow or try. Friends, family neighbours, most are the same. BUT keep trying attend business seminars, network and you'll meet like minded people. It won't be in the local bar or gym (unless by pure luck)