how do I become emotionally and mentally strong

[chip2000]

I'm can't pinpoint when it began but I have become a mentally weak person racked with self doubt and low confidence. So much so, it keeps me up at night and has pretty much affected all areas of my life.

In my teens I never had these feelings aside from the usual teenage confidence issues. I am now 29 and what people might consider a basement dweller (I only leave the house to go to work).

I don't think I am emotionally equipped to handle the process required to becoming an entrepreneur. And to be honest do I want to do it for the right reasons? Is being deeply disappointed with what I've become and wanting to make up for the years I've been a hermit reason enough?

There probably isn't an easy fix much like there isn't an easy path to riches but would appreciate any advice.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

 

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[Silverhawk851]

It's all in the mind. And that's more than enough reason. Esp if you realize, life is short, and at age 30 you only have 50 years left to live at max. Why waste it doing nothing? Why not see how far you can go in those remaining years? Max every moment?

Read Psycho Cybernetics by Dr. Maxwell Maltz, and 177 Mental Toughness Secrets by Steven Siebold

Then get a job doing Door-to-door sales if you can. You won't be afraid of rejection after about 2,000 Nos, and give absolutely zero F*cks after about 10,000.

 

[Mattie]

I don't think I am emotionally equipped to handle the process required to becoming an entrepreneur

Sure you're emotionally equipped! Trust me there's nothing you can't overcome in life. Mental is strengthening your mind. Getting rid of the negative thoughts from toxic people in your life. As I've told some of the people I've already helped, write down all the negative things people to say to you that are significant in your life. Write down the ones that you tell yourself. And look at those thoughts. Are they truth about you? No they're not!

It's been suggested by others beliefs that this is the person you are, and what you suggest to yourself who you are. Conditioned by society, religion, education, or what every groups you belong too. Evaluate those messages they give you. Do you resonate with them. Do you own them, or do they belong to someone else.

So now after you've evaluate their thoughts and your thoughts just take the piece of paper and wad it up in a ball and crinkle it up and throw it in the trash can. Now like the rest of us, go unlearn all that b.s. and learn something new about yourself and create a better reality.

Emotions are another entity. Emotions are real and valid in your experience just as much as your thoughts. But the biggest thing to understand is, your thoughts, emotions, and feelings are just here for the moment and temporary. Ask yourself this question? Do you remember every thought, emotion, and feeling you've ever had your whole life? Probably not! We remember certain triggered events time to time.

Find healthy ways to strip the emotions away like sports, writing a journal, painting, drawing, or creating music. There are tons of things to create out of different mediums and genres. No your feelings and emotions and separate yours from someone else's.

That should get you started, but it's just learning about yourself, letting go of a lot of crap, and releasing the negatives. Replacing it with more uplifting, positive things, and learning success strategies, mindfulness, mental toughness. You just may feel you're the only one in the world there, but frankly there are thousands in the same place.

 

[socaldude]

Meditation helps.

It helped me a lot.

Steve Jobs talks about how meditating changed his life, i'm trying to find the article.

 

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[Luffy]

Start watching comedy, you're too stifled and resisting isn't going to help, get in touch with who you are.
You need to relax and go back to how you were as a kid, I'm sure you didn't have today's issue's.

 

[Mattie]

Meditation helps.

I do agree as well meditation is a major key, there are many different types of meditations.

 

[Luffy]

I do agree as well meditation is a major key, there are many different types of meditations.

I did Bio-energetics by Elliott Hulse, it was amazing.

 

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[AndrewNC]

PM me. I used to be in your shoes and have something that can help

 

[Mattie]

I've never personally done bio-energetics, but I'm familiar with different energy techniques from Russia and Eastern philosophies etc. Lots of different techniques therapists use. Just depends on what works for the individual and good to know all the techniques and what is available is more valuable. Which is why I spent four years learning a lot of stuff even after college. For someone like me, that's just a life long upgrading on ways to help people.

I have noticed though some people are just to way gone emotionally and mentally they can't come back. And I think that is what I'm trying to understand why some people can and others can't. But I suppose the P.T.S.D. in some cases where trauma was so severe it's just a safety mechanism to withdraw into that place and not be responsible for anything in life. But those are very severe cases I'm talking about. And why I chose to get out of Mental Health.

 

[tycoon7]

Sign up for martial arts/kick boxing.
Sparkings were great to build up confidense, will power and character. Overcoming the fear of the opponent standing in other side of the ring. Everyday life seems much easier after that.

 

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[GuestUser112]

This advice works for men. Testosterone is a big factor.

1. Decide your going to take an ice cold shower for 10 straight minutes and last till the end.
2. Run until you puke
3. Get in a fistfight. Lose or win, doesn't matter.
4. Dress real nice, and look at yourself in the mirror and say "Damn Barry, you are one handsome motherfcker!" (sorry about the language)
5. Buy some drywall or a watermelon and bash it to pieces with your fists or a bat or something.
6. Have sex, and be the BOSS. But like a good boss.
7. Drive fast with music blasting and the windows down.
8. Practice a sexy wink and go make a bank teller blush.
9. Go somewhere secluded and let out the manliest roar you can. Do it again. And one more time.

I've done all of the above at least once before, and I have confidence out the yin-yang.

Basically whats happening to you right now is that your brain is puking all of its memories your lack of confidence in previous situations. Today, your brain remembers that yesterday, you weren't confident. So then it feels like it isn't confident, which makes you feel like you aren't confident, which keeps you locked in your basement. It's a snowball effect and you need to get that bitch rolling in the opposite direction. When your brain automatically says "no" in that small voice, you have to manually engage and yell 'F*ck YEAH'. You gotta make yourself believe it. You want confidence, you gotta get the testosterone and adrenaline flowing. Then you can polish that into something smoother and more suave. But you gotta start with the RAW material, if you catch my drift.

Thanks man. This post has got the ole testosterone factory a-tinglin. I feel like punching a bear in the face right now.

Edit: I haven't done this before, but I have a feeling if you print a picture of a bear and punch it in the face, your confidence might go up.

 

[Even Steven]

I think that you have to come to the realization that your feelings are lying to you. A big problem for people in general is that we think our feelings are always based in reality when many times they are not. Sometimes I get this creeping, generic sense of dread, like something bad is going to happen or the events of my life are suddenly going to take a turn for the worse. I don't know where that comes from, but I've learned by now that there's no truth to it unless I make it true by letting the fear paralyze me.

Here's the truth:
You are capable of doing what you want. You just are. That's not motivational speech. It's just the truth. Many people who had more mental and emotional struggles than you have gone on to do great things, and many more will after you. They have no more innate ability than you. You have to acknowledge that, and then take a step to change things.

I have a friend who is by nature very anti-social. He described himself as a hermit. At around 30 years old, he decided to fix the different areas of his life. He started reading books on how to fix his finances and how talk to women (I know that sounds funny, but seeing the confidence with which he interacts with women now is striking compared to how he used to be). You really can do better. You just have to realize that those doubts and fears are unfounded.

 

[Mattie]

Sign up for martial arts/kick boxing.
Sparkings were great to build up confidense, will power and character. Overcoming the fear of the opponent standing in other side of the ring.

Forgive me for saying it, but toxic people are opponents every day! lol The instill fear, so I'm not sure how this works in your case. But I'll be signing up for some martial arts at some point this year, but I have no fear. lol

 

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[Mr.B]

Grab a water bottle and go for a walk.

It doesn't matter where, just get out in the world.

Don't listen to music. Don't fiddle with your phone. Just walk.

Walk until you think you can't walk any further, then turn around and walk home again.

Do this every day.

It will change you and you'll be amazed at what can happen when you are out in the world.

All the best @chip2000

 

[marklov]

I did Bio-energetics by Elliott Hulse, it was amazing.

You really follow that quack?
He has some solid info on strength training but that bio energy and breath into your balls stuff is a bit exaggerated.

 

[Durete]

I did Bio-energetics by Elliott Hulse, it was amazing.

His "Bio energetics" is nothing more than some yoga
Better to go to the source than and start practicing Yoga itself.

 

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[Luffy]

You really follow that quack?
He has some solid info on strength training but that bio energy and breath into your balls stuff is a bit exaggerated.

Experience don't lie, it worked for me but it might not work for you. I felt really present, grounded and 10 times more confident, so much I got scared of myself at first. Also it's more than just yoga, he has his own unique twist to it. Try it yourself, what more can I say?

 

[Journey2Million$]

.....

 

[Digamma]

What happened to you?
I'm asking because you said that you didn't use to be this way. What we experience molds us. I went through something similar.

I understand all the "read this and that advice", but I don't agree. Reading a book is procrastination.
You know what you want to be. Be it. I love @DreamCreator's post.

Do stuff that makes you feel great. Don't stew in these feelings you have.

What is this bio energetics? This video?

 

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[Luffy]

What happened to you?
I'm asking because you said that you didn't use to be this way. What we experience molds us. I went through something similar.

I understand all the "read this and that advice", but I don't agree. Reading a book is procrastination.
You know what you want to be. Be it. I love @DreamCreator's post.

Do stuff that makes you feel great. Don't stew in these feelings you have.

What is this bio energetics? This video?

Yes but there are others that are even better.

 

[smarty]

PM me. I used to be in your shoes and have something that can help

I'm curious what is it?

There probably isn't an easy fix much like there isn't an easy path to riches but would appreciate any advice.

Read this book called "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward, in my view most confidence issues have the roots in childhood and bad or missing parenting.
Maditation and other routines can be useless if you don't understand the source of your feelings.

With ruthless action, this is possible:

so...



If you had the understanding and courage to post this, you have the courage to take more action.

Is being deeply disappointed with what I've become and wanting to make up for the years I've been a hermit reason enough?

Guilt doesn't help. Guilt is an excuse to feel victimized so don't believe these type of thoughts.
Start from where you are and build yourself up. Do a little bit of what would make your old self uncomfortable.
It will be uncomfortable but it will be OKAY as long as you stay alive!

 

[Luffy]

Read this book called "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward, in my view most confidence issues have the roots in childhood and bad or missing parenting.

I feel like you're spot on for some reason, added to my list.

 

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[smarty]

I feel like you're spot on for some reason, added to my list.

After I finished reading that book, it was clear to me that all my adult years the "child me" was craving & screaming for a father figure and father love while all I was getting was a coward, insecure, emotionally manipulative father masked in a "good guy costume". Confusion and insecurity is what followed.
The rest is history. This is as good as I can describe it.

 

[Luffy]

After I finished reading that book, it was clear to me that all my adult years the "child me" was craving & screaming for a father figure and father love while all I was getting was a coward, insecure, emotionally manipulative father masked in a "good guy costume". Confusion and insecurity is what followed.
The rest is history. This is as good as I can describe it.

Well I grew up without a father pretty much though I saw him from time to time. It didn't matter to me, I had no ill feelings, I was respectful but indifferent untill I saw he was insecure and wanted to leech of me emotionally thinking he could rule my life after I already grew up. It's the story of last year.

 

[AndrewNC]

I'm curious what is it?

Mindset training that helps people get a new outlook on life, open up the box, and then see that there was never a box after all

That + some jedi mind tricks

 

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[DeletedUser19]

Mindset training that helps people get a new outlook on life, open up the box, and then see that there was never a box after all

That + some jedi mind tricks

NLP or affirmations/incantations?

Read this book called "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward, in my view most confidence issues have the roots in childhood and bad or missing parenting.

I've heard that "No More Mr Nice Guy" is good for men also. Haven't read it but it's on my list.

 

[smarty]

I've heard that "No More Mr Nice Guy" is good for men also. Haven't read it but it's on my list.

I've read it long time ago. Not much useful, more like a useful feel-good fluff.

 

[smarty]

Mindset training that helps people get a new outlook on life, open up the box, and then see that there was never a box after all

That + some jedi mind tricks

well then don't be greedy, throw it out here

 

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[jlwilliams]

I'm surprised no one has mentioned "The Unbeatable Mind" By Mark Divine. Great book, read it. Also I'll second "Psycho Cybernetics".

The idea that you are not strong enough is purely your opinion and you (and only you) can choose your self image. It's all in your head. Change your mind and it's no longer true.

 

[GuestUser112]

Don't talk shit about your parents on the internet. From about the age of 16 onward I'd say people are responsible for their own choices. I personally take responsibility for every choice made after the age of 12 because I remember making the wrong choices and my environment wasn't to blame.