Another "Friend" Down The Drain. Jealousy or Resentment?

[Dan Da Man]

So, I had a friend call me up last night after texts saying he needed to talk to me. Like there was some major problem.

He goes on to tell me he is worried about me and my career and that what I am doing is not going to land me a good job because I have no resume.

HOLY SHIT! He acts like I am on drugs. I have worked full days 7 days a week for two years and instead of couraging someone all I get is jealous redicule. This is the 5th person that has said this to me and the other 4 are nowhere to be found.

Funny thing is that they start off saying they are looking out for me and then they start talking shit when you don't listen to them.

They want you to quit and give up. First of all, I am doing quite fine. WOuldnt a good friend be happy for you?

Second, I haven't listen to anyone yet why the F*ck would I listen to you?

Third, he says that this is how things work. You need to get a job for 10 years before you can start a busines? Oh really?

Why is it that these people find it is their duty to offer their worthless advice. This kid has a bachelors in business so he claims he can offer me advice. Whooptydo! I have a degree too but what I have learned in two years will far surpass and degree or any dam internship. My resume is ten times better then yours and I wouldn't work for someone if they were to pay me 500,000 a year because I know I am far worth that.

These people make me sick

 

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[andviv]

Easy man...

Appreciate what he and the other 4 are doing....

They are volunteering their advice, based on what they know.

You know better? Great.

Thank them and keep doing what you are doing.

I think it is great you have good friends that care about you.

Now, back to work on your plan....

 

[Dan Da Man]

I dont think that they care about me. How is it that they care about me? Telling someone to give up what they are doing, saying that I am scamming people or whatever negative things that they say isn't advice.

Sorry I disagree. A great friend who be encouraging of no matter what you were doing (unless you were doing something negative).

I am almost certain it is because they are scared that I will make them feel like shit.

A great friend will back you regardless what you are doing. Advice like what I have gotten isn't meant to be advice, it is meant to put me down. This I know for a fact.

 

[GlobalWealth]

A great friend who be encouraging of no matter what you were doing

My mother called me a few years ago to suggest that I give up on running a business and get a regular job.

I made well into 6 figures that year.

It is hard for them to see the world through your lenses. I am 37 and my mother calls now to ask if I need money. They fear what they don't understand. And they don't want to see you go down the wrong path (in their view).

 

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[Pete799p]

Alot of times its jealousy. It may seem like your friends want you to suceed but only as much or slightly less then them. I recently lost a similar friend who seemed mad that I had no plans of getting a job. I just kept working on my businesses and he would always ask if I got a job yet. Eventually he just stopped asking.

This kind of thing is one of the things that truely motivates me to conintue down my path. The more people I run into like this the more I want to build the next billinion dallor biz just to prove them wrong.

O well I have found that you will eventually run across others who think like you do and when you do you will find they share many of the same experiences as you.

Globalwealth: that sounds like an episode of Sienfeld. Absolutly hilarious especially since you are living the dream

 

[PatrickP]

My mother called me a few years ago to suggest that I give up on running a business and get a regular job.

I made well into 6 figures that year.

It is hard for them to see the world through your lenses. I am 37 and my mother calls now to ask if I need money. They fear what they don't understand. And they don't want to see you go down the wrong path (in their view).

Good post.

Your mother obviously cares so very much for you. I am glad that you can see her concern as just that, her concern and worry for you and your future.

Maybe Dan can see this in his friends or perhaps he shouldn't be friends with them anymore.

Maybe an extra hug is due her in 2 days.

I wish I could do the same to my mother but unfortunately she is not on this earth anymore. BUT I am so very fortunate I call my mother-in-law Mommie and will be sure to give her an extra hug and kiss on Sunday.

 

[socaldude]

These type of people see way too much uncertainty when it comes to entrepreneurship. And its driven by fear, thats why they cling to a job for 30 years.

These people tend to pull the same fallacy over and over: No job or excellent resume=failure/slacker/loser/lazy etc. This is why parents will pay thousands for their kid's useless college education but won't ever dream about giving their kid 5k to start a Fastlane Business.

The best thing you can do is to distance yourself and escape to people who have the same mind set as you. I wouldn't harbor so much frustration towards them because these people "don't get it", they are on a different path.

 

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[PatrickP]

Speaking of fear driven.

My father was a successful atty for the state of NY. He was loved by many people and to this day is the most honest person I have ever known, along with my mother.

He gave myself and each of my 6 brothers and sisters a book about investing in real estate. He saw the value of encouraging us to work for ourselves BUT when we would go to him with our plan to do just that he said it was crazy and it could be done.

While he knew it made sense his emotional side was afraid that we would lose money and get hurt.

So I do see that people who do love you and want the best from you can still hinder your progress but it is not intentional nor jealousy in most cases.

 

[socaldude]

I read this on paulgraham.com

"A job is the default

This leads us to the last and probably most powerful reason people get regular jobs: it's the default thing to do. Defaults are enormously powerful, precisely because they operate without any conscious choice.

To almost everyone except criminals, it seems an axiom that if you need money, you should get a job. Actually this tradition is not much more than a hundred years old. Before that, the default way to make a living was by farming. It's a bad plan to treat something only a hundred years old as an axiom. By historical standards, that's something that's changing pretty rapidly.

We may be seeing another such change right now. I've read a lot of economic history, and I understand the startup world pretty well, and it now seems to me fairly likely that we're seeing the beginning of a change like the one from farming to manufacturing.

And you know what? If you'd been around when that change began (around 1000 in Europe) it would have seemed to nearly everyone that running off to the city to make your fortune was a crazy thing to do. Though serfs were in principle forbidden to leave their manors, it can't have been that hard to run away to a city. There were no guards patrolling the perimeter of the village. What prevented most serfs from leaving was that it seemed insanely risky. Leave one's plot of land? Leave the people you'd spent your whole life with, to live in a giant city of three or four thousand complete strangers? How would you live? How would you get food, if you didn't grow it?

Frightening as it seemed to them, it's now the default with us to live by our wits. So if it seems risky to you to start a startup, think how risky it once seemed to your ancestors to live as we do now. Oddly enough, the people who know this best are the very ones trying to get you to stick to the old model. How can Larry and Sergey say you should come work as their employee, when they didn't get jobs themselves?

Now we look back on medieval peasants and wonder how they stood it. How grim it must have been to till the same fields your whole life with no hope of anything better, under the thumb of lords and priests you had to give all your surplus to and acknowledge as your masters. I wouldn't be surprised if one day people look back on what we consider a normal job in the same way. How grim it would be to commute every day to a cubicle in some soulless office complex, and be told what to do by someone you had to acknowledge as a boss—someone who could call you into their office and say "take a seat," and you'd sit! Imagine having to ask permission to release software to users. Imagine being sad on Sunday afternoons because the weekend was almost over, and tomorrow you'd have to get up and go to work. How did they stand it?

It's exciting to think we may be on the cusp of another shift like the one from farming to manufacturing. That's why I care about startups. Startups aren't interesting just because they're a way to make a lot of money. I couldn't care less about other ways to do that, like speculating in securities. At most those are interesting the way puzzles are. There's more going on with startups. They may represent one of those rare, historic shifts in the way wealth is created."

 

[theBiz]

Maybe your friends do not see the qualities in you that they see in successful people. Not matter how smart/good you are at business this generally happens to every entrepreneur until you can say hey look at my bank account. This is why you need to use that judgment as fuel to push you forward, this stress caused by outside people (especially close people) should be like a heavy load on your back you want to throw off. Not sure if its right or wrong to feel motivated by people but i always say if you dont start showing results eventually these people will be right. I failed alot the first few times i tried to take money on my own with all my little gimmicks but eventually i made something happen, at some point you either need to be progressing, changing strategies, or throwing in the towel, those are the three options.

If i saw a friend trying to do something that clearly wasnt working and they kept doing the same thing over and over again i would say the same thing, wouldent you? Im not saying this is the case at all but remember until you start making money this is how outsiders view you so always ask yourself, are you taking time which is warranted in order to succeed, or just failing and not changing your approach.

 

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[Dan Da Man]

Wow, it is good to know that others have felt the same frustration. I think the internet and entrepreneurship opens itself for ridicule because people just don't understand.

I have gotten called a "scammer" or how is my "get rich quick scheme" coming along. It seems everyone has advice and an opinion.

And I have failed many times yes but I make sure that each failure I am one step up from where I was when I failed.

THe biz - you are right that people will gauge your success by your bank account or by the car you drive etc.. I see your point but this is definitely not the case. I think I just have chosen the wrong types of friends for the wrong reasons.

 

[Kak]

Wow, it is good to know that others have felt the same frustration. I think the internet and entrepreneurship opens itself for ridicule because people just don't understand.

I have gotten called a "scammer" or how is my "get rich quick scheme" coming along. It seems everyone has advice and an opinion.

And I have failed many times yes but I make sure that each failure I am one step up from where I was when I failed.

THe biz - you are right that people will gauge your success by your bank account or by the car you drive etc.. I see your point but this is definitely not the case. I think I just have chosen the wrong types of friends for the wrong reasons.

Find me a 20 something millionare that did it with a job. You can't so tell em to f-off.

 

[InMotion]

Its a sick way for them to deal with their own fears and jealously. Since they don't have the brass and know how, they feel good telling others that they cant to do it either and should stick to a mediocre life at best. Funny you mentioned this, I had a friend tell me the same thing the other night, I was dumbfounded. This person has repeatedly told me that they are just looking to make 60k a year for the rest of their life and doesn't want a promotion because that would throw off their work life balance...... and this person is worried about me :smx4: Unbelievable almost.

 

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[deepestblue]

They are programmed. They are programmed to try to keep those around them at their level. In some cases they don't even "know" what they are doing; they are reacting to various scenarios based upon how most people react to those scenarios. If 3% are financially successful, then by definition 97% are wrong when it comes to being financially successful. As harsh as it may sound, when reaching for higher ground, when trying to make a bigger contribution to the world, at a certain point it sometimes becomes necessary to drop the excess baggage from your life and to get around more likeminded people. The second part of the previous sentence is already underway since you're here.

 

[The-J]

Get new friends. No worries, we're here.

 

[mayana]

One of the rules of entrepreneurship: Don't tell your friends and family about your business plans. They care about you, so it's not (usually) selfishness or jealousness on their part, but they aren't typically able to understand. You'll have to search out people who care about what you are doing.

“We are strange beings, we seem to go free, but we go in chains – chains of training, custom, convention, association, environment – in a word, Circumstance – and against these bonds the strongest of us struggle in vain” –
Mark Twain

 

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[DeletedUser2]

My mother called me a few years ago to suggest that I give up on running a business and get a regular job.

Priceless.

What my aunt said to me, when she found out I hadn't had a job in 12 yrs, "DO YOU PAY TAXES?"
wow, just... wow

no job for 12 yrs and that's what I get.

My mother, thinks its cool I haven't had a job for 20 yrs.

so thank your friends for being kind, caring about you,
but they completely dont understand the world you live in.

Forgive them for that, and keep your head down, working on your "plan"

 

[deepestblue]

Forgive them for that, and keep your head down, working on your "scheme"

Fixed, to reflect Slowlane language

 

[Dan Da Man]

Fixed, to reflect Slowlane language

HAHA! People think that if you don't have a "job" you must be scamming people out of their money. That is what happens when you talk to someone who has completely no idea what you do.

I just couldn't believe this kid would call me saying he was worried about me and my career. The funny thing is this kid is going to be a lawyer. Hmm.....

The funniest thing of the conversation was when I said thanks for the advice but I have to disagree. He felt offended and said his grandpa was successful owning a business and he worked 20 years for someone before they started a business, therefor I had to do the same.

4 friends I have known for 5 years said these exact things which I found funny. First they laughed and mocked me. Second they told me to get a "real job". 3rd was more mocking and asking when I was going to give up on this little dream I had. And lastly they called me bipolar for deleting them out of my life.

It hurts when you think you are all alone after getting rid of people trying to hold me back. Then again I have the most supportive mom who makes me think I can accomplish anything. So in reality, I have a lot more then I need.

Thanks guys

 

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[jpass]

HAHA! People think that if you don't have a "job" you must be scamming people out of their money. That is what happens when you talk to someone who has completely no idea what you do.

I just couldn't believe this kid would call me saying he was worried about me and my career. The funny thing is this kid is going to be a lawyer. Hmm.....

The funniest thing of the conversation was when I said thanks for the advice but I have to disagree. He felt offended and said his grandpa was successful owning a business and he worked 20 years for someone before they started a business, therefor I had to do the same.

4 friends I have known for 5 years said these exact things which I found funny. First they laughed and mocked me. Second they told me to get a "real job". 3rd was more mocking and asking when I was going to give up on this little dream I had. And lastly they called me bipolar for deleting them out of my life.

It hurts when you think you are all alone after getting rid of people trying to hold me back. Then again I have the most supportive mom who makes me think I can accomplish anything. So in reality, I have a lot more then I need.

Thanks guys

Geez man are they seriously like that? Good move on dumping their asses. I know my friends will support me once I'm ready to leave my job. Hell ever since reading MJ's book I've been talking to them about it and urging them to consider fast lane mindsets.

I even apologized to one friend because I gave him anti-fastlane advice a few years ago. Guess I really wasn't much better than your former friends >.>

 

[Darkside]

Felix Dennis points out in his book that family members and friends typically don't want you to be successful in your fastlane goals. The reason for family members is that they don't want you to become to the most successful and wealthy member of the family; this is especially true for parents.

For a parent whose child becomes a multi-millionaire, they will feel that their child has surpassed them in importance and therefore no longer needs them for anything. They'd prefer you to struggle working slowlane type of jobs and have to keep calling them for help than to live in a mansion and never need them for anything. Sibling rivalry will cause your brothers and sisters to dislike you for accomplishing so much more than them even though you started out from the same household and socio-economic standing as they did.

For friends, it's because they don't want you to outgrow them and become more successful than they are. They want you to hang out with them and waste your free time doing meaningless things rather than pursuing your fastlane goals. Once you accomplish your fastlane dreams, they know you will most likely leave them behind and find better friends who share your mindset and who won't ask you for money.

Also, regarding friends we all want to be at least slightly more successful than all of our friends. There's a reason why people try to lie at high school reunions; we all want to seem like we're the most successful one among our peers. So, your friends will try to discourage you since they secretly fear that you'll end up succeeding and be far more successful and important than they are.

 

[PatrickP]

I think that MAY be true for close minded and possibly uneducated parents.

My father ALWAYS wanted his children to FAR surpass what he had accomplished.

My wish is for my son to make me looks stupid and poor. I wonder how Felix Dennis came to these conclusions. The more I think about the more I think it is horse sh1t and he probably did no real reputable study with thousands of results.

I see many of my friends and relatives break their backs to send their children to some of the best colleges in the country and provide them with support.

Anyone else out there see your friends/relatives basically sabotaging their children's lives?

 

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[Jo_B]

Good thread so far.

True friendship is rare these days, you think you know someone after 10 years, when it turns out you never knew them at all, they were just wearing a 'mask'. I had noticed that my former friends were very jealous of my successes all along, whether it's in school,graduating with a university degree, traveling,money, other friends, lifestyle.. anything they don't have.. they make you feel guilty for being more successful than them and drag you down. Those are not friends. I now hope and strive to someday surround myself with people nothing like them: like-minded, open minded,mature, intelligent, confident, successful winners in my opinion, people who share each others ideas without judgment. People should be inspired, not jealous - inspiration is more productive.

Thankfully, I have parents who only want the best for both me and my brother, regardless if we become more successful than them. Unfortunately, my father passed away 3 years ago, but I know he would want the best for me. I hope to make him proud.

 

[Dan Da Man]

I think that MAY be true for close minded and possibly uneducated parents.

My father ALWAYS wanted his children to FAR surpass what he had accomplished.

My wish is for my son to make me looks stupid and poor. I wonder how Felix Dennis came to these conclusions. The more I think about the more I think it is horse sh1t and he probably did no real reputable study with thousands of results.

I see many of my friends and relatives break their backs to send their children to some of the best colleges in the country and provide them with support.

Anyone else out there see your friends/relatives basically sabotaging their children's lives?

I think it really comes down to the person or type of person they are. My mom, the most supportive person in the world. My friends, the most jealous, sabbotaging people in the world.

My brother, very supportive. My dad, not really supportive and not really caring either way what I do.

I think every person is different. I know a guy who makes no money and looks like a bum, but would give the shirt off his back to a random stranger. I also know people who make good money but don't give a shit about anyone but themselves.

Maybe in the past I had attracted the wrong people for the wrong reasons.

What is funny is that I have met entrepreneurs who have cannot even relate with me at all on this matter. They have never dealt with jealous, negative friends. As it seems here that some people either have gotten lucky with super supportive or unlucky to have surrounded themselves around really unsupportive people.

 

[yahdmon]

Chicken or eagle?

I know exactly what you are dealing with. Had an encounter with a so called friend two weeks ago, showed what I been doing and there response was, oh, you using your brain, in a sort of condescending way and I was like -- chicken, slow laner and though I wanted to cut them off, I did not. I want them to around when I am taking five months in the Caribbean and the Phillipenes. Be patient with your friends is what I am saying. In fact I would encourage you to not cut them loose but keep them close and treat them as they are -- BABIES.

They don't know any better. In the mean time, keep your head up, focus on the prize and keep moving towards prosperity. Soon they will ask your help on the fast lane.

 

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[mayana]

Felix Dennis points out in his book that family members and friends typically don't want you to be successful in your fastlane goals. The reason for family members is that they don't want you to become to the most successful and wealthy member of the family; this is especially true for parents.

For a parent whose child becomes a multi-millionaire, they will feel that their child has surpassed them in importance and therefore no longer needs them for anything. They'd prefer you to struggle working slowlane type of jobs and have to keep calling them for help than to live in a mansion and never need them for anything. Sibling rivalry will cause your brothers and sisters to dislike you for accomplishing so much more than them even though you started out from the same household and socio-economic standing as they did.

For friends, it's because they don't want you to outgrow them and become more successful than they are. They want you to hang out with them and waste your free time doing meaningless things rather than pursuing your fastlane goals. Once you accomplish your fastlane dreams, they know you will most likely leave them behind and find better friends who share your mindset and who won't ask you for money.

Also, regarding friends we all want to be at least slightly more successful than all of our friends. There's a reason why people try to lie at high school reunions; we all want to seem like we're the most successful one among our peers. So, your friends will try to discourage you since they secretly fear that you'll end up succeeding and be far more successful and important than they are.

Wow. This makes me feel like I can no longer trust any of my friends and family any longer

 

[Dan Da Man]

Chicken or eagle?

I know exactly what you are dealing with. Had an encounter with a so called friend two weeks ago, showed what I been doing and there response was, oh, you using your brain, in a sort of condescending way and I was like -- chicken, slow laner and though I wanted to cut them off, I did not. I want them to around when I am taking five months in the Caribbean and the Phillipenes. Be patient with your friends is what I am saying. In fact I would encourage you to not cut them loose but keep them close and treat them as they are -- BABIES.

They don't know any better. In the mean time, keep your head up, focus on the prize and keep moving towards prosperity. Soon they will ask your help on the fast lane.

I see your point, I do like to prove people wrong but I don't think I am going to have these losers around me just so I can show them my success lol. But yes, every single time someone doubts me or tries to hurt me I just add it to my drive and motivation to succeed.

I tried putting a nice beamer and a nice house on my desk to motivate me and it just didn't really do anything. Then I took all the people who ever doubted me and my success and I put them on my desk. Whenever I feel down I just look at that and it gives me this insane amount of motivation to never give up because I would be proving them right. I never want someone to tell me I told you so.

So I guess I kind of enjoy when someone says I can't do something

 

[Darkside]

I think that MAY be true for close minded and possibly uneducated parents.

My father ALWAYS wanted his children to FAR surpass what he had accomplished.

My wish is for my son to make me looks stupid and poor. I wonder how Felix Dennis came to these conclusions. The more I think about the more I think it is horse sh1t and he probably did no real reputable study with thousands of results.

I see many of my friends and relatives break their backs to send their children to some of the best colleges in the country and provide them with support.

Anyone else out there see your friends/relatives basically sabotaging their children's lives?

I think he's right. At a subconscious level, we all want to feel needed. It's why we men like it when women rely on us to help them fix things or to do things that we think a man should do for a woman. We like knowing that someone depends on us.

Similarly, deep down, parents like it when their kids come to them for help or advice because they want to feel useful; after all it's the role that they were used to being in when you were born until you moved out. So, knowing that you no longer need them for anything and that you are also far more important than they are; at least in terms of monetary/worldly success can make them feel not useful or parental anymore.

Felix Dennis also points out that another reason why parents will try to discourage their kids from trying to become rich is that they don't want them to get hurt. So, they'd rather see their kid take the safe approach by going to college and working for someone else their whole lives than to see them try and fail at becoming rich because they think that:

A) We'll have wasted all that time we spent trying to become rich when we could have spent it advancing ourselves in a career.

B) We might be a perpetual wannabe entrepreneur who keeps trying and failing well into adulthood and therefore never start a family and be successful in a career.

Parents aren't the major haters though. Most parents love and care for their kids. It's your friends that you have to watch out for the most. Most of them will secretly want you to fail because like I said earlier, everyone wants to be the most successful person in their own circle of friends. Just think how you would feel if one of your friends became a billionaire? You'd feel like shit because you'd be thinking, "Damn, that should be me!"

 

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[Lights]

Why do people (you) care about the thoughts of others so much that you get angry about it and write it on a forum?

Friends are only good for business reasons or to have a good time. A good friend to tell your secrets will always be there (I have 1 good friend, maybe 2)

 

[InMotion]

The only ones that would have your back IS your parents from my experience; they may not be helpful in your quest, but they don't try to cut you out of something like your other family members would. The ones who are well off in my family, uncles and cousins level, in my family wouldn't fart an opportunity my way and we are on great terms lol. So besides your parents, I wouldn't expect any other form of treatment from anyone else for the most part; but family units and friends do vary.