What makes One an Askhole?

[Runum]

This coming from an admitted grumpy old man. I understand that a person has to ask questions in order to learn new things. If you have been around for a while, we all have answered our fair share of questions. I am interested in hearing from the forum about what you think defines an askhole?

My experience: about 30 years ago I raced a 1969 Chevelle, it was street legal and pretty quick for its time. There was another guy hanging around the pits with a 1968 Chevelle. He was inexperienced and had a steep learning curve. Joe would ask me lots of questions about why my car was so much faster than his car even though they appeared similar. I spent many hours showing him my car and explaining what I was doing to it. Joe would also roam around the pits and ask many other racers about their cars. Then he would return back to me and proceed to contradict the things I was doing with my car based on what he heard from other racers. After a while I got tired of having to debate with Joe, so I quit answering questions. I looked Joe up recently and his car is just the same as it was 30 years ago. To me Joe was an askhole.

This is for my educational purposes only and not directed at anyone in particular.

What do you think moves a person from being an inquisitive newbie to cross into askhole territory?

Pics of my car.

 

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[Aidan04]

This coming from an admitted grumpy old man. I understand that a person has to ask questions in order to learn new things. If you have been around for a while, we all have answered our fair share of questions. I am interested in hearing from the forum about what you think defines an askhole?

My experience: about 30 years ago I raced a 1969 Chevelle, it was street legal and pretty quick for its time. There was another guy hanging around the pits with a 1968 Chevelle. He was inexperienced and had a steep learning curve. Joe would ask me lots of questions about why my car was so much faster than his car even though they appeared similar. I spent many hours showing him my car and explaining what I was doing to it. Joe would also roam around the pits and ask many other racers about their cars. Then he would return back to me and proceed to contradict the things I was doing with my car based on what he heard from other racers. After a while I got tired of having to debating with Joe, so I quit answering questions. I looked Joe up recently and his car is just the same as it was 30 years ago. To me Joe was an askhole.

This is for my educational purposes only and not directed at anyone in particular.

What do you think moves a person from being an inquisitive newbie to cross into askhole territory?

Pics of my car.

Beautiful car. She still run like she did 30 years ago?

Regarding your question, I'm not really sure what qualifies as an "askhole". I think it's more of a feeling than a definitive amount of questions.

I think a good way not to be an askhole is to forge a genuine friendship with someone, and help them out, thereby giving you clearance to ask for their help when you need it.

This is the way I have done things here on the forum, becoming genuine friends with people, and both parties helping each other out when we can.

 

[MattR82]

I think sometimes people just want to complain or vent rather than find a solution. But when they dress that venting up as looking for a solution which they actually have no desire to find anyway, they become an askhole lol.

 

[Roli]

I think you've defined an askhole perfectly. Somebody who bombards you with questions, but doesn't take any of your advice.

 

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[Andy Black]

I think you've defined an askhole perfectly. Somebody who bombards you with questions, but doesn't take any of your advice.

Especially if those questions could be looked up easily.

 

[Sorrento]

I think you've defined an askhole perfectly. Somebody who bombards you with questions, but doesn't take any of your advice.

Thanks a lot, now i know how i can avoid being an askhole in future. I do ask alot of questions, and do take advice, but who knows, there could be a thin line between me and an askhole and i definitely dont want to cross it.

 

[Andy Black]

Thanks a lot, now i know how i can avoid being an askhole in future. I do ask alot of questions, and do take advice, but who knows, there could be a thin line between me and an askhole and i definitely dont want to cross it.

My tips:

Thank everyone who's given advice or answers.

Take all advice and answers with a pinch of salt. YOU are responsible for determining if they're appropriate for you and your situation.

If you follow any advice, report back with your results

You'll see the progress threads where people most want to help out are those where OP is constantly taking action and reporting progress. People love seeing other folks going through the Act -> Assess -> Adjust process, and they're often then incredibly generous with their time and attention.

 

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[ZackerySprague]

By definition of in the First Unscripted book, it seems to be that an Askhole would be someone who will argue based on the advice that was given from someone.

If someone disagrees with you or is dead set on a certain thought or opinion of something he/she will argue to their witts end and not take the advice/admit he/she was wrong.

Doesn't even have to be advice either, it could be also you confronting your friends and family about something they did wrong and yet they won't admit to doing it because they think they are right.

If someone is asking more than one person for a piece of advice, it could be to gather information and to see subjectively which advice fits their situation.

To me the righteousness or being an Askhole in this situation, appears to me that someone who is wrong, yet is receiving advice would argue his viewpoints to death and is not willing to accept that what he is doing is wrong and things need to change.

It's like two people arguing their viewpoints, but none wanting to comprise or hear each other out.

I had a best friend who would complain about his situation in the past. The many things he needed to do.

"I need a car."
"I'm not making enough money."
"I love this girl." (Except she left him).

I loved this guy like a brother, though we weren't blood, I told him/gave him several options on how he could fix his situation.

"Take out a loan of $5k to buy a used car, learn a trade skills and get a job for now that is high paying so that then you can pay back your loan. Your girlfriend cheated on you and pulled down her pants for another man. That's the ultimate test of loyalty."

In the end, I cut it off. I couldn't stand seeing him not improve his situation. Not that I was forcing it by any means. But he also broke my trust over a girl that never respected him.

He was a guy who was confident, an action taker, and a reliable friend when you needed him.

But lots of things happened to him and his family.

Losing his friendship killed me inside, even worse when he went behind my back for a girl who didn't respect him, all because he wanted to get back with her to which never happened.

He eventually fell into a deep depression and we have yet since spoke to each other since February of this year.

And to you my friend, I haven't forgotten our phone call we had.

I save it and read it everytime.

 

[Runum]

Thank you for all the responses. This was a calibration check for me. Life, culture, and society is constantly in flux and old people run the risk of being stuck in the past. Life was giving me signs that I needed to check myself on this.

As far as the car goes, it was a ground up build. I built the 400 small block engine with some nitrous, welded the roll bar in, and did the body work and paint. I sold the car around 1995 and the new owner later had it in Super Chevy Magazine. It would be average by today's standards. Pic of when I bought it.

 

[ZackerySprague]

I have to admit that there has been times (probably a lot) that I was an askhole. Ask advice from others but without any follow through. For some years, I've had the answers in front of them for certain situations to which yet I have ignored.

 

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[Aidan04]

Thank you for all the responses. This was a calibration check for me. Life, culture, and society is constantly in flux and old people run the risk of being stuck in the past. Life was giving me signs that I needed to check myself on this.
As far as the car goes, it was a ground up build. I built the 400 small block engine with some nitrous, welded the roll bar in, and did the body work and paint. I sold the car around 1995 and the new owner later had it in Super Chevy Magazine. It would be average by today's standards. Pic of when I bought it.

Impressive work. Even though they're pretty impractical today, muscle cars will always be works of art.

I hope to see the resurgence of classic muscle cars in hydrogen or electric form.

 

[Runum]

I hope to see the resurgence of classic muscle cars in hydrogen or electric form.

That would be blasphemy!

 

[Fasted]

Your girlfriend cheated on you and pulled down her pants for another man.

Did you really have to add the pulling down her pants for another man part? No wonder he’s in a deep depression bro

 

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[Andy Black]

Yes, but...

 

[ZackerySprague]

I have to admit that there has been times (probably a lot) that I was an askhole. Ask advice from others but without any follow through.

Did you really have to add the pulling down her pants for another man part? No wonder he’s in a deep depression bro

On the forum, probably not, since there are kids here to an extent.

But to telling him yes, I don't like drama, but I didn't like seeing him depressed man. Again he was like a brother to me. We spent an entire weekend relaxing talking and hanging out. I kept tell him that there were more fish out in the sea.

When I care about my friends I'll tell him the truth and not lie. They've done the same to me at times to. I wouldn't want to lie to someone who I got close to man. His happiness was ripped away from him for a girl who didn't value him. When he was worthy of a man.

I'll never forgot our friendship he was a cool dude, I do hope that he succeeds in life.

 

[Roli]

I've been thinking about this in slightly more detail and I think my earlier definition of, someone bombarding you with questions, but not taking your advice, can be extended.

Because someone who does that isn't asking you genuine questions, they are just seeking validation for the course of action that they've already decided upon.

Recently there was a poster on this forum - who is no longer a member but I still won't put them on blast, as they DM'd me for private advice. The poster started a thread asking for advice about his industry and all of the replies basically said the same thing, "You're focusing on the wrong thing, stop worrying about X and get clients/sales."

The poster kept asking the same question in a variety of different ways, he asked me the same question over private message and I answered all of his questions with practically the same answer.

Like I said, he's no longer a member, primarily I think because he didn't get the answer he wanted. He wasn't interested in the answer to his question, he had already decided what to do and wanted us all to agree with him. Total askhole.

 

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[Andy Black]

As they say, people ask for advice for two reasons:

To ignore it and do the opposite.

To follow it and blame you if it goes wrong.

 

[Roli]

As they say, people ask for advice for two reasons:

To ignore it and do the opposite.

To follow it and blame you if it goes wrong.

Big lolz! That's a good one, I've never heard that before.