What are some good books for self confidence & communication ?

[21elnegocio]

What are some of the best books yuo guys have read to have self confidence & communication skills ?

 

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[Get Right]

I would think communicating with a book would be anti-productive to your goal.

Get out there and embarrass yourself a few thousand times. I do it every day.

 

[Tom.V]

Books like Tony Robbins' Awaken The Giant Within are good when used in conjunction with an actual social environment. Actually, great would be a better word. But you do actually have to put forth effort, same as if you are using a book to learn anything else. A book can tell you and give you an outline of what needs to be done, but you actually need to go out and F*ck up a lot to really get the best results.

 

[Operation_OPM]

1.The real world, trail and error.

2.Check out "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho and Anthony Robbins "Awaken the Giant within" and "Unlimited Power"

 

[Brentnal]

I read some but it totaly did not help, I'd suggest to go on a fighting sport or get musculair or face your fears.
Or an other option but i wouldn't reccomend it : drink alcohol

 

[FastNAwesome]

What are some of the best books yuo guys have read to have self confidence & communication skills ?

I believe there will be some great recommendations. Just one thing I'd like to recommend:

To actually acquire confidence and communication skills - mix reading with going out daily and testing/trying to apply what you read that day.

DOING things is what makes up building blocks of your confidence, and sharpen your communication skills.

Just like physical workout - knowledge without practice is useless, practice without knowledge can be ineffective or too risky, and the combination that rules is - KNOWING + DOING.

Btw. workout also adds to confidence, it's awesome

 

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[21elnegocio]

I believe there will be some great recommendations. Just one thing I'd like to recommend:

To actually acquire confidence and communication skills - mix reading with going out daily and testing/trying to apply what you read that day.

DOING things is what makes up building blocks of your confidence, and sharpen your communication skills.

Just like physical workout - knowledge without practice is useless, practice without knowledge can be ineffective or too risky, and the combination that rules is - KNOWING + DOING.

Btw. workout also adds to confidence, it's awesome

Thanks ovbiously yes I do go out and practice these skills, but ive noticed I still F*ck up sometiems, and I was looking to learn a few other things and put them to practice.

 

[skylizard]

How To Win Friends and Influence People is a good book. Also, there's a book called Self-Esteem that I found very helpful.

 

[socaldude]

Self-Confidence and Communication skills are directly related to your Self-Esteem.

Why? Because lack of self-confidence and poor communication skills have their roots in negative beliefs and perceptions about ourselves(our internal world) and others(our external world) and certain situations.

Self-confidence just means self-efficacy. The ability to trust ourselves the most and that we are competent to handle any situation or handle the unknown "I'm gonna go flirt with that woman at the book store and ask her for a coffee date!". Communication skills just means being honest and being comfortable with ourselves. People who lack communication skills have a fear of exposing and expressing a part of themselves. Bad communication skills is the same thing as lying, crazy I know. Why? Because your fear translates to behavioral anxiety, which means you are hiding yourself, you are being someone you are not, your a liar.

A FANTASTIC book on self-esteem is "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem" By Nathaniel Branden. No other book on the subject compares.

Here are some cool quotes:

“Apart from disturbance whose roots are biological, I cannot think of a single
psychological problem—from anxiety and depression, to underachievement at school
or at work, to fear of intimacy, happiness, or success, to alcohol or drug abuse,
to spouse battering or child molestation, to co-dependency and sexual disorders,
to passivity and chronic aimlessness, to suicide and crimes of violence—that is
not traceable, at least in part, to the problem of deficient self-esteem. Of all the
judgments we pass in life, none is as important as the one we pass on ourselves.”
~ Nathaniel Branden from The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem Pillar

"often what we call 'thinking' is the recycling of the opinion of others" ~ Nathaniel Branden

What are the six pillars?

1. Self-Responsibility

We take responsibility for all of our actions, thoughts and feelings. We are the chief causal agent in our life. We make everything happen. Nobody is going to come to the rescue. We are responsible for our own happiness and circumstances.

2. Self-Acceptance

You can't live life if you think there is some intrinsic flaw about you. You are who are ACCEPT it.

3. Self-Assertiveness

Be honest about your needs and wants. Don't be a LIAR and hide them. ASEERT yourself. BE REAL. Be honest about who you are.

4. Living Consciously

Wake up and realize what is happening within you and around you. Be aware. Don't be passive and confused.

5. Living purposefully

Have goals. They don't have to be financial. Anything that makes you get your a$$ up and excited.

6. Personal Integrity

Be real. Live by your OWN values. Don't be a liar. BE who you REALLY are.


--

Notice how all of these pillars have nothing to do with the external? Other peoples opinion or perception about us. Or our ur material possessions.

One thing I can guarantee you is that you will NEVER improve your communication skills or self-confidence if you have some flawed perception about yourself and the external.

ITS proven over and over again, those who are the happiest in life, the guys who date the hottest girls, those that are the happiest , those with the best communication skills are people with high-self esteem; People who have very positive perceptions about their own internal world and the external.

 

[socaldude]

Heres another way to look at it. Think about this very carefully and you will see that its true.

Poor self-confidence and poor communication skills have their roots in LYING.

With poor self-confidence you LIE to YOURSELF about what you are capable of and what your are competent at.

With poor communication skills you LIE to OTHERS about who you are, you are not being yourself. Notice how when people lie they tend to have shaky speech? The same goes with your behavior. You have anxiety, you hide yourself, you don't express yourself.

Don't be a F*cken LIAR.

 

[Marc B.]

In high school I was shy and introverted. I had no problem expressing myself around my friends (comfort zone), but when it came to meeting new people, I was less outspoken than I would have liked to be until I got to know and trust that person. This persisted until I was graduating high school, and my older brother introduced me to Real Social Dynamics (RSD). It helped me almost immediately, so I will recommend it to you.

The foundations of social dynamics are based on the art of picking up women. While this is nice on its own, I found much greater benefit in taking the lessons out of the original context and applying it to meeting people of all types. Men, women, older, younger, employers, employees...the list goes on...

The turning point for me was when I realized that I had a lot to share with other people. If you can have a great time with your close friends by sharing value (a motif for Fastlaners), then you can do the same thing with people who you have never met before. In essence, you invite them into your life to discover who you are, and they will often reciprocate with equal or greater kindness that builds your relationship. The more you receive this positive feedback from other people, the more comfortable and confident you will be in stepping out of your comfort zone by talking to new people.

If I had to recommend two pieces of media that helped me most, it would be:

"Get the Girl!" by Mehow
I highly advise using this book to gain a rudimentary understanding of the principles behind social interactions of any type. Remember, you're not using this at face value all the time.

"Real Social Dynamics - Flawless Natural" (DVD & CD) by Timothy Marc
Another social coach and ex-pickup artist. I like Tim because he emphasizes the importance of bringing the best of yourself out for other people to experience and enjoy.

Both instructors advocate that you stay congruent with your core beliefs. This will help you no matter what you do in life. I'm sure that someone has once told you to "just be yourself!" They're right, but you just might not know how...yet.

Have fun, and I hope this helps you as much as it did me!

 

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[Rafal]

You build your self-confidence on small victories.

You use two tools in order to do it - self-faith and denial.

The best thing about faith is - it does not require proof.
The second best thing about faith is - seems like we are
wired to have faith in something. It's natural. You just direct it.

Denial is inborn too. Cool stuff. You filter out what's not
fitting.

Faith and denial are two sides of the same coin.

You just need to have a deep faith that no matter what
you're gonna be ok and somehow or other you're gonna
get shit done. And that you are not going to give up.

You're gonna be ok, you're gonna make it and you do
not give in untill it's (somehow) done.

Small steps, small victories.

Rafal

 

[Allen]

Some good advice so far. IMO, the most important action is to simply get out there and do it knowing it's OK to mess up as long as you learn from it and don't view a swing at a missed pitch as failure, rather as a lesson learned. However, I also realize that it's easier said than done.

I am also slightly tilted toward the introvert personality scale, however a career in technology sales has helped me at least fake an extrovert personality when necessary. One tip I received earlier in my career that really helped me was to practice my speaking by reading books out loud.

So basically, you have an opportunity to kills two birds with one stone. A couple of the books previously mentioned that I enjoyed were Tony Robbins' "Awaken the Giant Within" as well as Nathaniel Branden's "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem". Read one of these books, but read it out loud. You don't have to shout or talk really loud, just loud enough to hear yourself talk. This helps you (a) absorb/learn the information better and (b) teaches you how to speak more effectively as you grow more and more comfortable with the sound of your own voice while discussing important topics, not just random small-talk with close friends.

Good luck!

 

[Kencan98]

The influence people and winning friends one (whatever it's called) is supposed to be good but I never read it.

Awaken The Giant Within in GREAT. I read it a few times and it helps me a lot to this day but you have to DO what is taught and continue to do it every day.

Another one is The Game by Neil Strauss. It's about picking up girls but communication is communication and this guy is the MASTER at it.

 

[therebel]

I can give you the run down right now...

ok first

get rid of your weak mannerisms, the little neurotic things you do because you feel inferior like, look at the ground, stutter, run out of things to say, these are all nervous twitches you get from feeling inferior to the person your talking to, stop them NOW.

talk like you were talking to a close friend, let yourself be funny and cool, I say let yourself because its not something you can do deliberately it has to come naturally or it wont work

ask open ended questions to lead the conversation, a very sneaky but effective trick, just word everything as an open ended question, especially directions.. would you mind doing this? can I tell you something without you taking it the wrong way? I bet that made you feel [blank], didn't it? <- doing stuff like that gets people talking and talking, you just sit back and pour gas on the fire while they do all the investing..

And the only way to get this down is to go out and practice it, your gonna feel nervous when you do it, thats normal but after a couple hundred times, it just gets too repetitive to matter anymore and you communicate in a way thats much more relaxed and in control

 

[Kingmaker]

"The Definitive Book of Body Language" Allan & Barbara Pease

70% of all communication is non verbal, and by changing your body language you can "trick" your mind into feeling a certain way. Other people will see you differently too. It works. In fact it changed my social life entirely to the better.

 

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