We Must Stop Training Our Children in Negative Biases

[Danny_Cox]

PLACE BETS NOW on whether this school’s punishment system is more substantial than its reward system. The pictured example is probably (hopefully) an outlier in 2022, but we MUST prioritise training our kids to praise themselves across the board.

Does anyone here experience negative self-talk? Anyone? THIS ISN’T OUR NATURE, it’s learned—learned by years of training in negative biases.

I was doing all kinds of cool shit in school as a youngster. Most of it didn’t fit the staff’s criteria, so I received no praise. Actually, I very often received ACTIVE DISCOURAGEMENT.

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On my last day of secondary school, the head of music (a capable concert pianist) asked me to show him something on the drums—kind of like a father might feign interest in a child’s toy.

I demonstrated a beginner-level sticking pattern, then had him try.
‘Oh!’ he exclaimed, ‘that’s actually quite difficult. Well, sorry I gave you such a hard time about this whole drumming thing these five years.’

WE DON’T OURSELVES HAVE TO LIKE WHAT A YOUNG PERSON IS DOING IN ORDER FOR IT TO BE WORTHY OF PRAISE.

If a child is developing skills, they deserve our support.

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Now, here’s the big deal: even when I DID meet or exceed staff’s expectations, the praise was disproportionate to the punishments handed out for bad behaviour.

Psychologists are unanimous on the point that positive reinforcement is superior to negative reinforcement. Not just for wellbeing (who cares about that?) but also, actually, for GETTING SHIT DONE! Only if we’re willing to play the long game though—but isn’t that exactly the game schools are supposed to be playing?

Imagine if wellbeing could be a predictor of personal performance. Hmm…

Sadly, our culture is largely still of the view that face-time with a psychotherapist is reserved for those of us suffering diagnosable disorder.

I decided to take this matter into my own hands, and leapt down the mindfulness rabbit hole. Turns out that, elsewhere in the world, folks had this shit nailed 2500 years back. If you wanna hear more about it, come at me

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

LACE BETS NOW on whether this school’s punishment system is more substantial than its reward system.

The school system rewards obedience and order taking, and disincentivizes critical thinking. This is the larger problem.

 

[msufan]

I taught for 20+ years. Trust me, there's plenty of praise happening out there. Ever since the self-esteem movement, praise has flourished, despite evidence about how praise actually harms kids.

We are seeing huge mental health issues in kids nowadays. Issues that used to be rare among children (panic attacks, bipolar disorders, depression, etc.) are much more prevalent now. Some of it can be explained away due to circumstantial issues. But much cannot.

I have my own, admittedly anecdotal, thought on this.

First, though, Americans in here might recall something in the 80s and early 90s called the "D.A.R.E." program. It stood for Drug Abuse Resistance Education, and it was designed to try to teach kids to resist drug use and abuse. It failed miserably. Drug use actually increased where the D.A.R.E. program was used. Why? Because the program got kids' attention focused even *more* on drugs than they were before.

Back to kids' mental health issues today. I think the main problem isn't a lack of praise, or even a focus on obedience vs. critical thinking. I believe the "mindfulness" movement has trained kids to focus on themselves and their feelings. Although meaning well, I believe that it will eventually be shown that this was exactly the wrong thing to do, and that it is a huge cause for childhood mental health problems. You see, the more you focus on something, the bigger it gets -- so kids are focused on their emotions and thus their negative emotions (which are normal) seem bigger and more important and more unmanageable.

What we should be teaching kids to do is think about others. We should be cultivating kindness and compassion instead of introspection. There will still be a smaller percentage of kids with mental health issues; they are the ones who should receive the specialized help.

The famous Victor Frankl quote applies here: "Success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue. And it only does so as the unintended side effect of one's personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one's surrender to a person other than oneself."

We should teach kids to pursue a cause greater than themselves, and the vast majority of mental health issues will take care of themselves.

 

[Johnny boy]

you're free to do that if you wish

I'm going to give my kid a baseball glove, a dirtbike when he's 4, a bookshelf full of educational books well beyond his age, and beat the shit out of him when he acts up.

First, though, Americans in here might recall something in the 80s and early 90s called the "D.A.R.E." program. It stood for Drug Abuse Resistance Education, and it was designed to try to teach kids to resist drug use and abuse. It failed miserably. Drug use actually increased where the D.A.R.E. program was used. Why? Because the program got kids' attention focused even *more* on drugs that they were before.

It failed because people are degenerate pieces of shit with no nuclear family unit anymore. That's why they had to start that program in the first place.

I was doing all kinds of cool shit in school as a youngster. Most of it didn’t fit the staff’s criteria, so I received no praise. Actually, I very often received ACTIVE DISCOURAGEMENT.

Same with me. That's life. The losers with no mental fortitude fell for the trap and I did not. How else would we convince people to be employees?

 

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[Danny_Cox]

The school system rewards obedience and order taking, and disincentivizes critical thinking. This is the larger problem.

Got it. It's critical thinking that enabled me to point out that other problem. Thanks MJ.

 

[Danny_Cox]

Same with me. That's life. The losers with no mental fortitude fell for the trap and I did not. How else would we convince people to be employees?

Right. It gets clear when we remember what the actual goal of schooling is.