PLACE BETS NOW on whether this school’s punishment system is more substantial than its reward system. The pictured example is probably (hopefully) an outlier in 2022, but we MUST prioritise training our kids to praise themselves across the board.
Does anyone here experience negative self-talk? Anyone? THIS ISN’T OUR NATURE, it’s learned—learned by years of training in negative biases.
I was doing all kinds of cool shit in school as a youngster. Most of it didn’t fit the staff’s criteria, so I received no praise. Actually, I very often received ACTIVE DISCOURAGEMENT.
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On my last day of secondary school, the head of music (a capable concert pianist) asked me to show him something on the drums—kind of like a father might feign interest in a child’s toy.
I demonstrated a beginner-level sticking pattern, then had him try.
‘Oh!’ he exclaimed, ‘that’s actually quite difficult. Well, sorry I gave you such a hard time about this whole drumming thing these five years.’
WE DON’T OURSELVES HAVE TO LIKE WHAT A YOUNG PERSON IS DOING IN ORDER FOR IT TO BE WORTHY OF PRAISE.
If a child is developing skills, they deserve our support.
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Now, here’s the big deal: even when I DID meet or exceed staff’s expectations, the praise was disproportionate to the punishments handed out for bad behaviour.
Psychologists are unanimous on the point that positive reinforcement is superior to negative reinforcement. Not just for wellbeing (who cares about that?) but also, actually, for GETTING SHIT DONE! Only if we’re willing to play the long game though—but isn’t that exactly the game schools are supposed to be playing?
Imagine if wellbeing could be a predictor of personal performance. Hmm…
Sadly, our culture is largely still of the view that face-time with a psychotherapist is reserved for those of us suffering diagnosable disorder.
I decided to take this matter into my own hands, and leapt down the mindfulness rabbit hole. Turns out that, elsewhere in the world, folks had this shit nailed 2500 years back. If you wanna hear more about it, come at me
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