- Joined
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This is a VENT - it is not dictating my actions. I just don't have anyone IRL who would "get it" that I know well enough to talk to.
[vent]
I'm worn out. I was only ever sold, told, and shown the script, and I bought into it not even realizing there was another way. The only people I saw who followed other paths successfully had rather different (note, better financial) starts in life. I was not exposed to people who actually did well on their own until MUCH later in life, and by then, I was so far behind the power curve it's embarrassing. I was too stupid to question those things, or too busy fighting the forced religious oppression (especially as a female, choosing to pursue work and college already meant I was breaking out of the mold since I was raised to believe - although I never did - that my only purpose for existing was to be a servant to a husband and because of the bits I was born with that was my only value on this planet).
Sob story aside, way too late in life I started to wake up to reality that 'working hard at my job' was NOT going to get me even remotely close to the life I want. This all led to my FTE, which had me starting my business and finally landing my first good client, and honestly the financial difference has been radical - BUT -
- at this point, I'm still working solo; I still have a day job since the business does NOT have reliable income; and even before this I was working my f/t job plus p/t job(s).
And I'm worn out. I'm tired. There's a dim prick of light at the end of the tunnel, but it's a LONG ways off right now. I'm not going into running a business for a love of creating something new - I'm doing it for financial and time freedom, both things the Script will never provide me - but I don't have a "passion" for starting a business, mostly just a passion to not be an employee or cog in someone else's wheel (if I was financially free, I would probably have a "passion" business or two, but that's very different than a business I need to support my life).
I'm not tech savvy (as in I don't know coding, I'm not going to go build some killer app or that sort of thing) - not an inventor or particularly prone to great ideas. Every time I think I might have happened upon a need, a quick search shows it's already out there and solved for people. I feel my business - or my idea for it - could fulfill a need, but growth is going to be painfully slow and very time consuming until there's more capital rolling in and a network starts to develop.
In the meantime, the day to day grind of juggling it all is wearing on me. When my current contract ends, if my finances are looking okay, I'm honestly tempted to take a break from pushing and applying on behalf of the business and just work my day job for a bit - just scared of losing the tiny bit of imperceptible momentum I have worked so hard for.
No matter what, right NOW - I'm tired. I'm worn out. I'm exhausted. My ADHD keeps freaking out and putting me into shut down mode when things start to go even a little sideways. I'm mad at the world, our economy, the culture in the area of the country I live in....ugh.
[/vent]
Off I go. No rest for the weary as they like to say. Tomorrow's a new day.
[vent]
I'm worn out. I was only ever sold, told, and shown the script, and I bought into it not even realizing there was another way. The only people I saw who followed other paths successfully had rather different (note, better financial) starts in life. I was not exposed to people who actually did well on their own until MUCH later in life, and by then, I was so far behind the power curve it's embarrassing. I was too stupid to question those things, or too busy fighting the forced religious oppression (especially as a female, choosing to pursue work and college already meant I was breaking out of the mold since I was raised to believe - although I never did - that my only purpose for existing was to be a servant to a husband and because of the bits I was born with that was my only value on this planet).
Sob story aside, way too late in life I started to wake up to reality that 'working hard at my job' was NOT going to get me even remotely close to the life I want. This all led to my FTE, which had me starting my business and finally landing my first good client, and honestly the financial difference has been radical - BUT -
- at this point, I'm still working solo; I still have a day job since the business does NOT have reliable income; and even before this I was working my f/t job plus p/t job(s).
And I'm worn out. I'm tired. There's a dim prick of light at the end of the tunnel, but it's a LONG ways off right now. I'm not going into running a business for a love of creating something new - I'm doing it for financial and time freedom, both things the Script will never provide me - but I don't have a "passion" for starting a business, mostly just a passion to not be an employee or cog in someone else's wheel (if I was financially free, I would probably have a "passion" business or two, but that's very different than a business I need to support my life).
I'm not tech savvy (as in I don't know coding, I'm not going to go build some killer app or that sort of thing) - not an inventor or particularly prone to great ideas. Every time I think I might have happened upon a need, a quick search shows it's already out there and solved for people. I feel my business - or my idea for it - could fulfill a need, but growth is going to be painfully slow and very time consuming until there's more capital rolling in and a network starts to develop.
In the meantime, the day to day grind of juggling it all is wearing on me. When my current contract ends, if my finances are looking okay, I'm honestly tempted to take a break from pushing and applying on behalf of the business and just work my day job for a bit - just scared of losing the tiny bit of imperceptible momentum I have worked so hard for.
No matter what, right NOW - I'm tired. I'm worn out. I'm exhausted. My ADHD keeps freaking out and putting me into shut down mode when things start to go even a little sideways. I'm mad at the world, our economy, the culture in the area of the country I live in....ugh.
[/vent]
Off I go. No rest for the weary as they like to say. Tomorrow's a new day.
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