I really want to move but I don't want to take a giant leap like moving out of state. It's a long term plan but I want to build my skills and income a little bit.
I am pretty angry at the moment and it has been going on for about 9 months now. Long story short, I come from an extremely dysfunctional family. My brother also married a woman who brought her extreme selfishness, greed, and recklessness into out family.
There is a long history of multiple family members basically ripping my mother off for 10s of thousands of dollars over 25 years. My mom passed away in 2019. Since then everyone has been on my back trying to basically put me in the position my mother was in.
I moved out of state to get away from one family member. My brother basically conned/convinced me to move back to Los Angeles and said they had a vacancy at his apartment complex. Aside from it being expensive ($1650 for a 575 sq ft 1 bedroom), my brother problems from his marriage are finding their way to me.
There is no fixing their marriage, his wife is too psychotic and her pride and ego is through the roof. She has to live like she's rich and pretty soon, they are going to run out of money. They have a pattern and no matter how much money they have, they always wind up broke due to his wife's over spending.
I can just feel the pressure and stress because they are implying, signaling and even acting in ways where they think they are going to start draining my finances.
Most of my life I've been an outsider to my family. There were multiple families within my family that really divided people and it was all about money. I spent most of my life surviving with zero help. I've had to deal with so much bullshit and struggle.
But through the years I got educated, and then even Fastlane educated. When I first came to LA, I was organized, high energy, had somewhat of a good network and now all that is gone. My personality now is changed and I am nothing like who I am. I am having performance issues at my jobs. This is a problem because if I can't do this work I cannot survive in Los Angeles. Nothing pays what I need to make in order to sustain myself. There's also a lot of discrimination due to identity politics.
I know I need to disappear and leave my family for good. I am pretty sure my brother's wife is going to eventually put him and then the rest of their family on the street. This is a real reality. I don't want to be around for it and feel extremely sad for him. He just doesn't have the balls to say no or stand up to his wife. And now they have the oldest daughter basically living as a clone of his wife. Like I say, it is about her pride and ego.
I was planning to move somewhere away from them but still local and not share my location with them. Problem is, to live anywhere a little better than the city I am in, the rent starts at at least $2000 a month for a 1 bedroom.
I can't even concentrate and make any consistent money. I was doing contract IT work and basically learned everything hands-on. This type of work requires extreme professionalism, organization, good attitude, critical thinking, etc and I have lost this. I am even having days where I'd rather isolate and not even go out in the world. I am having road rage and impatience with people and people are noticing.
I'd move anywhere but my thoughts are that you need to be able to make money. I am just not quite where I need to be. This is the one barrier that holds me back from taking these big leaps. I feel that if I do not have a solid plan and the ability to make money locally, I could put myself in a trap.
The thought of staying local makes me think that once the stress and problems go down I can concentrate and build something. This goes back to my history over my lifetime. My family has always made sure to sabotage or prevent me from ever really building anything. Their problems, their burdens, their greed of having to come first has always had an effect on me. It's something I could never escape no matter where I went.
I thought when my mom passed away this all ended and I could finally live my life. But, all that has happened is the snakes in my family have pivoted over to me and have been relentless for the last 4 years.
I am pretty angry at the moment and it has been going on for about 9 months now. Long story short, I come from an extremely dysfunctional family. My brother also married a woman who brought her extreme selfishness, greed, and recklessness into out family.
There is a long history of multiple family members basically ripping my mother off for 10s of thousands of dollars over 25 years. My mom passed away in 2019. Since then everyone has been on my back trying to basically put me in the position my mother was in.
I moved out of state to get away from one family member. My brother basically conned/convinced me to move back to Los Angeles and said they had a vacancy at his apartment complex. Aside from it being expensive ($1650 for a 575 sq ft 1 bedroom), my brother problems from his marriage are finding their way to me.
There is no fixing their marriage, his wife is too psychotic and her pride and ego is through the roof. She has to live like she's rich and pretty soon, they are going to run out of money. They have a pattern and no matter how much money they have, they always wind up broke due to his wife's over spending.
I can just feel the pressure and stress because they are implying, signaling and even acting in ways where they think they are going to start draining my finances.
Most of my life I've been an outsider to my family. There were multiple families within my family that really divided people and it was all about money. I spent most of my life surviving with zero help. I've had to deal with so much bullshit and struggle.
But through the years I got educated, and then even Fastlane educated. When I first came to LA, I was organized, high energy, had somewhat of a good network and now all that is gone. My personality now is changed and I am nothing like who I am. I am having performance issues at my jobs. This is a problem because if I can't do this work I cannot survive in Los Angeles. Nothing pays what I need to make in order to sustain myself. There's also a lot of discrimination due to identity politics.
I know I need to disappear and leave my family for good. I am pretty sure my brother's wife is going to eventually put him and then the rest of their family on the street. This is a real reality. I don't want to be around for it and feel extremely sad for him. He just doesn't have the balls to say no or stand up to his wife. And now they have the oldest daughter basically living as a clone of his wife. Like I say, it is about her pride and ego.
I was planning to move somewhere away from them but still local and not share my location with them. Problem is, to live anywhere a little better than the city I am in, the rent starts at at least $2000 a month for a 1 bedroom.
I can't even concentrate and make any consistent money. I was doing contract IT work and basically learned everything hands-on. This type of work requires extreme professionalism, organization, good attitude, critical thinking, etc and I have lost this. I am even having days where I'd rather isolate and not even go out in the world. I am having road rage and impatience with people and people are noticing.
I'd move anywhere but my thoughts are that you need to be able to make money. I am just not quite where I need to be. This is the one barrier that holds me back from taking these big leaps. I feel that if I do not have a solid plan and the ability to make money locally, I could put myself in a trap.
The thought of staying local makes me think that once the stress and problems go down I can concentrate and build something. This goes back to my history over my lifetime. My family has always made sure to sabotage or prevent me from ever really building anything. Their problems, their burdens, their greed of having to come first has always had an effect on me. It's something I could never escape no matter where I went.
I thought when my mom passed away this all ended and I could finally live my life. But, all that has happened is the snakes in my family have pivoted over to me and have been relentless for the last 4 years.
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