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Spot BS: Post your favorite MLM pitch...

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MJ DeMarco

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I posted this in the failure forum because every once in awhile we get some guy here trying to pitch us Fastlaners a great revolutionary MLM that is making people tons of money! Some will even show-off their awesome $10K checks and their impressive Mercedes C-Class.

I've learned to spot the funny pitches and this thread will help you SPOT the pitches before you get roped into some low EV pipe dream.

Please post your favorite pitches, phrases, or word combos...

Here are mine:

1) I need 30 people who want to join my "team" -- must be self-starter and motivated!" ("Really? 30? So after 30 you will STOP pitching your shit? Why not 40? Or 100?")

2) It's going to happen with or without you!
("Great, make it happen with out me!")

3) Ground-floor opportunity

4) Be your own boss! ("All while being extremely annoying and losing your friends and family in the process!")

5) Residual income!
("LOL, if everyone is making "residual income" who actually is selling product?!")
 
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InMotion

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10.) "I'm going to send a guy out too talk to you about this......you will save big with our buyer group."

I thought you normally saved money by buying less?


Pitched from a guy that I thought was my friend of 3 years....I never talked to him again unfortunately. The guy was ten years my senior...some people never wise up.

"Our group ruins friendships" I think that's a good slogan :thumbsup:
 
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MJ DeMarco

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Compliments of the other thread...


11) Most are crap, but this one isn't (Wow, like I never heard that before!)

12) I only joined because the executive team is so awesome! (Yea, it's a bunch of rich guys who are only going to get richer because the wolves love finely tenderized sheep!)
 

Rawr

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I like it when one shows to a newbie how to cold call on people, and when these people hang up on them, try to rationalize why these people don't 'get it'
 
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FastNAwesome

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15) Our best worker earns $10k a month (actually the guy did it once, met him:))

16) Our best seller has now advanced to higher position and doesn't have to sell anymore, she has a big salary, travels the world and gets education at company expense. And so can you.

17) THIS ONE WAS FUNNY:) A friend asked me to accompany her to "corporate meeting", because it was held in some out-of-the-way, never-heard-of cafe and she didn't want to go alone. It was some merchandise for women, can't recall, but there I was, sitting among tens of women, and listening to the pitch: "Owner of our franchise really enjoys life, he likes skiing and riding horses, and he even has his own farm and stable. We will organize a visit to his property and you'll be able to see horses and him riding".

THIS IS REAL:) Just in case it sounds made up:) And everyone was amazed by Mr.Handsome Owner.
They even brought a framed black and white photo of him riding a horse.

One of the ladies tried to pitch me too. She said that based on my zodiac I'm a born leader and could
earn a lot of money with them.

18) "You're not an elephant to work for peanuts". (and you're not looking for very intelligent people
with that pitch so thanks bye.)

19) "Earning potential is practically unlimited". (Now here's an easy way to earn a million - earn these
guys 10million and a fantastic 10% is all yours!)
 
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PaulRobert

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.)You are just selling products that your family and friends use everyday of their lives!

.) Amway is a billion dollar company, you will get rich!

.) You look like someone who likes business and likes to make money!


Here is my response to one of these people a few years ago... She just couldn't grasp this concept.

Amway Diss.jpg
 

Rawr

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Huge flags:


"These are everyday products everyone needs!"

"You could easily make money when you sell them to your friends and family!"

and, always, always the main one for me:

"You just need to buy this sample /pay an entry fee"




I just got a message from a GF who was pitched. When she gave me the "you could sell this to your friends" I said. "GF, this is how you'd lose all your friends"


Never ever pitch this shit to friends, their parents, and family. Chances are they've heard this before from at least 1 other person already.
 
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dknise

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x) Don't worry about the details now, just sign up and start getting product to familiarize yourself with them. You'll understand in time.

x) Come to our convention this weekend, the top seller in our state will be there where we will be worshipping him and jumping up and down screaming like Tom Cruise on Oprah.



On a side note... don't hurt me.
My personal mentor is extremely high up in Amway haha.
 

Enki

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MLM Drone: “You can make a ton of cash writing down license plate numbers!"

The company I represent is building a huge database of where people go. They are paying people to write down license plate numbers where ever they go. Say you are at Wal-Mart shopping, all you have to do is write down as many plate numbers as you want with the location of where the cars were at the time. You could write down 10, 15, 20, or even a thousand plate numbers if you want! The choice is up to you. You get paid .50 cent per license plate.

Sound like something you want to do? Of course it is! All you have to do is pay a small fee to get started. As soon as you sign up you can start taking down license plate numbers immediately.

The fee is $300, and then you only have to pay a $59.99 recurring monthly fee for a personal website we will set up for you.
But here is the kicker. For every person you sign up you receive a $100 bonus! All you have to do is sign 3 people up and this fantastic opportunity pays for itself!â€

ME: What if I don’t want the website?

MLM Drone: You need the website to enter the license plate numbers you collected!

ME: Can’t I just build my own? I can find free hosting!

MLM Drone: No the company has to ensure a uniform quality of information storing.

ME: How is the company going to make money off of this besides the membership fees of recruits?

MLM Drone: they are going to sell the information to companies.

At this point I know it is a Ponzi mlm. The company has no real product and the only profit model is recruiting more drones. But I ponder what the catch is? I think at .50 a plate number one could make thousands of income a month, maybe even a week.

So I embellish on my enthusiasm, and take his card with his affiliate link on it. I go home and look the company up online. I read all of the terms and conditions that the company’s website has. The tos was probably the biggest I’ve ever seen at the time.

Somewhere between the middle and the end of the tos, I see the terms on payment for plate numbers collected. There it was, plain as day. It stated that it only paid for the first 10 license plates entered to the database every month. Basically you would be paying $300 onetime + $59.99 monthly to be paid a maximum of $5 per month. Once you were suckered there was no other way to recover your funds except to sucker other people. Classic Ponzi mlm.

The guy that pitched this to me used to sell legitimate utility payment solutions (Bill Pay) to bodegas. I owned a 30% stake in a bodega at the time so I saw this man frequently.

The next time I saw him he asked why I didn’t sign up, I told him I have dyslexia and that I thought it wouldn’t be a business I could participate in. My business partner happened to be standing next to me at the time. This a**hole drone started pitching it to him. My business partner was gullible and I knew he would get hooked. He was a middle-aged gambling degenerate. What he heard .50 a plate a slot machine went off in his head and he gave the “Where do I sign up faceâ€. I immediately broke it down in terms of reality.

I shit you not, the drone exploded on me! “Mind your f*cking business!†“You are f*cking with my business!†“What the f*ck is the matter with you?†“You don’t f*ck with a man’s livelihood!†Then the most epic thing happened. My business partner picked up the bill pay terminal (cords and all), and threw it at the drone and yelled “Get the f*ck out of y store! And don’t come back!â€

True story.
 

liquidglass

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I know someone who is high up in an MLM so her income is what most drones talk about knowing someone who know someone. But her posts are the most annoying thing on FB then all the little birdies feed at her feet sucking up like she's going to help them.

Also to note this is the third MLM i've personally seen her in sure she makes money but she never stops working because the income isn't sustainable and runs out after 3 or 4 years.

"I'm going to be a flip-flop CEO for 4 days!" (btw it's a mlm convention, not vacation aka I'm going on f*cking semi- vacation my first one in two years. No darling you're not a CEO. You're a well paid drone who can lose their income stream within a few days.

Currently she's working in a weightloss mlm and had the nerve to make a situation she saw as a marketing opportunity. She saw a man collapse at the airport from a heart attack, which I'm sure is a sight to see. But then went on to say how if he had just heard about her opportunity he may not have had a heart attack and it gives her motivation that her job is really good for people. Way to make his heart attack about you.

I say all that to say this. Last month on a whim I took my wife on a week vacation for our anniversary with no set budget so we could do whatever we wanted. No company paid convention, no incentive trip, just me deciding we should take a break and go. Why can I do that? Because I'm riding the f*cking fastlane not an MLM ego trip.

*of course there are people ahead of me on the fastlane, but my experience was a small milestone I had set for myself, and I achieved it, without hawking products for a larger company that tries to convince me "i'm my own boss"
 
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S

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What's a goal of this topic?

MLMs use phases that you can read in different marketing books, nothing new.

OK. i see this google ads banner every day since April.
mlm.png
 

Tony I

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Well it first starts with a friend calling your phone 7 times in a row to ask you to about "a business they just started".

Then comes the pitch;

1. I'm building a team and we are going to make "bank"

2. All you do is sell a product to your friends, easy passive income!

3. Robert Kiyosaki recommends MLM! (Wait, the same guy that gets kick-backs from MLM companies? The same guy who got rich by writing a book on how to get rich?

4. Dr OZ. recommends the product!

And If you refuse to join:

1. Your too close-minded. Your gonna miss the opportunity.
2. Ok, you'll see me driving around in a brand new (rented) BMW then.

These people have a scripted sales pitch, its pathetic. They even get a "success guide" to ensure they become rich...
 

liquidglass

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2. Ok, you'll see me driving around in a brand new (rented) BMW then.

Please don't forget that as soon as the MLM goes under they have to keep making lease payments on their BMW! Because they signed the contract, not the company! If a company is going to give me a car it will be paid in f*cking full.
 
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Astral Explorer

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MLM Drone: “You can make a ton of cash writing down license plate numbers!"

The company I represent is building a huge database of where people go. They are paying people to write down license plate numbers where ever they go. Say you are at Wal-Mart shopping, all you have to do is write down as many plate numbers as you want with the location of where the cars were at the time. You could write down 10, 15, 20, or even a thousand plate numbers if you want! The choice is up to you. You get paid .50 cent per license plate.

Sound like something you want to do? Of course it is! All you have to do is pay a small fee to get started. As soon as you sign up you can start taking down license plate numbers immediately.

The fee is $300, and then you only have to pay a $59.99 recurring monthly fee for a personal website we will set up for you.
But here is the kicker. For every person you sign up you receive a $100 bonus! All you have to do is sign 3 people up and this fantastic opportunity pays for itself!”

ME: What if I don’t want the website?

MLM Drone: You need the website to enter the license plate numbers you collected!

ME: Can’t I just build my own? I can find free hosting!

MLM Drone: No the company has to ensure a uniform quality of information storing.

ME: How is the company going to make money off of this besides the membership fees of recruits?

MLM Drone: they are going to sell the information to companies.

At this point I know it is a Ponzi mlm. The company has no real product and the only profit model is recruiting more drones. But I ponder what the catch is? I think at .50 a plate number one could make thousands of income a month, maybe even a week.

So I embellish on my enthusiasm, and take his card with his affiliate link on it. I go home and look the company up online. I read all of the terms and conditions that the company’s website has. The tos was probably the biggest I’ve ever seen at the time.

Somewhere between the middle and the end of the tos, I see the terms on payment for plate numbers collected. There it was, plain as day. It stated that it only paid for the first 10 license plates entered to the database every month. Basically you would be paying $300 onetime + $59.99 monthly to be paid a maximum of $5 per month. Once you were suckered there was no other way to recover your funds except to sucker other people. Classic Ponzi mlm.

The guy that pitched this to me used to sell legitimate utility payment solutions (Bill Pay) to bodegas. I owned a 30% stake in a bodega at the time so I saw this man frequently.

The next time I saw him he asked why I didn’t sign up, I told him I have dyslexia and that I thought it wouldn’t be a business I could participate in. My business partner happened to be standing next to me at the time. This a**hole drone started pitching it to him. My business partner was gullible and I knew he would get hooked. He was a middle-aged gambling degenerate. What he heard .50 a plate a slot machine went off in his head and he gave the “Where do I sign up face”. I immediately broke it down in terms of reality.

I shit you not, the drone exploded on me! “Mind your f*cking business!” “You are f*cking with my business!” “What the f*ck is the matter with you?” “You don’t f*ck with a man’s livelihood!” Then the most epic thing happened. My business partner picked up the bill pay terminal (cords and all), and threw it at the drone and yelled “Get the f*ck out of my store! And don’t come back!”

True story.

This is hilarious!!!!

I remember a few years back I almost went into an MLM as my friend invited me over to his house and the guy talked about how he didn't really put in much effort but made 4k a month on residuals. I remember going home pumped up, listened to every single call and mapped out the processes I'd follow to achieve millions!!! All I needed now was a nice 400+ dollars startup money!!!

Thankfully, I was forced to use the money elsewhere and simply dropped the whole idea. With that said...

.) We are the fastest growing company three years in a row
 

Rawr

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Easy as 1..2..3!



123 of what? Steps, Situps, Sail boat trips around the world?
 

dknise

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Easy as 1..2..3!



123 of what? Steps, Situps, Sail boat trips around the world?

1) sign here
2) credit card number here
3) submit button right here
 
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RHL

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Always ask how much the seller makes. Not how much "one guy" or "people" make/have made, how much do they make? I don't consider this to be at all impolite or improper, since the issue of how much is earned in a year is being touted in the pitch.

BTW, congrats: You are now a "dream stealer."
 

dknise

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I've got a story from Tuesday!

The girl I've been seeing was messaged by a friend to see if she was interested in a lucrative business opportunity if she wanted to come over at 8:30 to check it out. As soon as she got off the phone I said:

1) Omg it's going to be MLM
2) They're going to claim it's not MLM
3) It's going to be at a very large house with free water and food
4) The "business" is going to be extremely vague
5) No matter what the product is, they will never reveal a straight answer on what your sales margins are
6) Their documentation will be filled with fine print, errors, and contradictions


So, we show up because I thought it would be interesting, and sure enough it was for ACN. http://acninc.com/

I had never heard of this business before, but they pretty much are just a lead generation platform that contracts out services to big, reputable companies.

1) It's MLM.
2) No it's not MLM, it's "Relationship Marketing"
3) It was at a large house a few blocks from the main Microsoft campus in Redmond, WA, with a mid 90's Lexus parked in the driveway. I laughed.
4) We watched an extremely cheesy, green screened sales video for it telling us more about the business than the services that are offered. They kept revert to Donald Trump talking about how he's a billionaire and backs ACN. Ever stayed at the Taj Mahal in Atlantic City? The parking garage feels like it's going to collapse and if it's wood or marble it's fake haha. Shittiest hotel I've ever stayed at in my life, but I guess that's how Trump does his business.

Not only was the video vague, but the discussion after and their sheet of paper was even more vague. They offer services like: Phone Services, Wireless, Merchant Services, House Services. I have no idea what paying for wireless means and none of them knew exactly what they meant either.

5) On top of that, NOTHING had margins! "You'll make between 1-10% on every sale!" Then had every earnings report calculated based on 10%. For the 58 services they offer, 57 of them could have a 1% commission and the "wireless" service that nobody could identify meaning nobody can sell it is the only one with a 10% commission haha.
6) The monthly bonuses were listed in huge print. Fine print says it's based on a percentage of the regional bonus pool and only calculated based off of new growth hire's sales during their first month. Basically, unless you land a guy who pulls in $250k in sales his first month, you're not getting that bonus.



My favorite part of the whole hour was explaining to them that the marketing budgets don't get transferred back to the IBO's in this case. At Amway, they have their own products and put forth their marketing budget back to the IBO's. At ACN, the service providers they sell for are all extremely well branded, big names. It is NOT the same model haha.

Running with that, I was interested in what their pricing was considering they offered your everyday service providers who I even use. My guess was that their prices were not competitive because of the added cost of sales acquisition on top of their existing marketing budget. How many of the 58 services they were selling do you think they had prices for? Not. One.


TLDR, went to MLM pitch, we laughed and we cried, and had a really really really good time.
 
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MJ DeMarco

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Running with that, I was interested in what their pricing was considering they offered your everyday service providers who I even use. My guess was that their prices were not competitive because of the added cost of sales acquisition on top of their existing marketing budget. How many of the 58 services they were selling do you think they had prices for? Not. One.
How else would you get someone to buy $20 soap when you could just get it for a $1.99 at Walmart?
How else would you get someone to buy a $199/phone service when you could just get it for $49 at Comcast?
How else would you get someone to buy a $99/mo 800 service when you could just get it at $9 at Grasshopper?

If people would just critically think about this stuff.

No, the product isn't better that what's already on the market.


It's the same.

You're paying for the 100 sheep that went before you.
 

Esquire

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Him: "When I was a kid ... I rarely got sick. Because I ate healthy food. The Akai Berry is a super healthy food."
Me: "Is that right ...? Just curious ... were you exposed to the sun when you were a kid too?"
Him: "Yes. Why ...?
Me: "Oh ... never mind."
Him: "So all you have to do is buy one case of Akai berry juice [For $200] ... and then you get 10 percent of every future sale. Easy money!"
Me: "How many people have signed up?"
Him: "Two."
Me: "I see. So ... after all is said and done, you bought a case of Akai Berry juice ... for $160.00 ...?"
Him: "Well ..."
Me: "And you want me to buy a $200.00 case from you ...?"
Him: "Yeah ..."
Me: :smxE:
 
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RHL

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I always feel kinda bad for them. I've never met a smart or socially mobile person in MLM. I'm sure they must be in there, near the top, but the peons are always the most world-weary helpless rubes who've ever lived.
 

dknise

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I always feel kinda bad for them. I've never met a smart or socially mobile person in MLM. I'm sure they must be in there, near the top, but the peons are always the most world-weary helpless rubes who've ever lived.

Bingo. My mentor is incredibly high in Amway and makes a killing as a standard Amway IBO. Going to a "rally" and seeing everyone worship the ground he walks on is hilarious.
 

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