Spot BS: Post your favorite MLM pitch...

[MJ DeMarco]

I posted this in the failure forum because every once in awhile we get some guy here trying to pitch us Fastlaners a great revolutionary MLM that is making people tons of money! Some will even show-off their awesome $10K checks and their impressive Mercedes C-Class.

I've learned to spot the funny pitches and this thread will help you SPOT the pitches before you get roped into some low EV pipe dream.

Please post your favorite pitches, phrases, or word combos...

Here are mine:

1) I need 30 people who want to join my "team" -- must be self-starter and motivated!" ("Really? 30? So after 30 you will STOP pitching your shit? Why not 40? Or 100?")

2) It's going to happen with or without you! ("Great, make it happen with out me!")

3) Ground-floor opportunity

4) Be your own boss! ("All while being extremely annoying and losing your friends and family in the process!")

5) Residual income! ("LOL, if everyone is making "residual income" who actually is selling product?!")

 

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[Enki]

MLM Drone: “You can make a ton of cash writing down license plate numbers!"

The company I represent is building a huge database of where people go. They are paying people to write down license plate numbers where ever they go. Say you are at Wal-Mart shopping, all you have to do is write down as many plate numbers as you want with the location of where the cars were at the time. You could write down 10, 15, 20, or even a thousand plate numbers if you want! The choice is up to you. You get paid .50 cent per license plate.

Sound like something you want to do? Of course it is! All you have to do is pay a small fee to get started. As soon as you sign up you can start taking down license plate numbers immediately.

The fee is $300, and then you only have to pay a $59.99 recurring monthly fee for a personal website we will set up for you.
But here is the kicker. For every person you sign up you receive a $100 bonus! All you have to do is sign 3 people up and this fantastic opportunity pays for itself!â€

ME: What if I don’t want the website?

MLM Drone: You need the website to enter the license plate numbers you collected!

ME: Can’t I just build my own? I can find free hosting!

MLM Drone: No the company has to ensure a uniform quality of information storing.

ME: How is the company going to make money off of this besides the membership fees of recruits?

MLM Drone: they are going to sell the information to companies.

At this point I know it is a Ponzi mlm. The company has no real product and the only profit model is recruiting more drones. But I ponder what the catch is? I think at .50 a plate number one could make thousands of income a month, maybe even a week.

So I embellish on my enthusiasm, and take his card with his affiliate link on it. I go home and look the company up online. I read all of the terms and conditions that the company’s website has. The tos was probably the biggest I’ve ever seen at the time.

Somewhere between the middle and the end of the tos, I see the terms on payment for plate numbers collected. There it was, plain as day. It stated that it only paid for the first 10 license plates entered to the database every month. Basically you would be paying $300 onetime + $59.99 monthly to be paid a maximum of $5 per month. Once you were suckered there was no other way to recover your funds except to sucker other people. Classic Ponzi mlm.

The guy that pitched this to me used to sell legitimate utility payment solutions (Bill Pay) to bodegas. I owned a 30% stake in a bodega at the time so I saw this man frequently.

The next time I saw him he asked why I didn’t sign up, I told him I have dyslexia and that I thought it wouldn’t be a business I could participate in. My business partner happened to be standing next to me at the time. This a**hole drone started pitching it to him. My business partner was gullible and I knew he would get hooked. He was a middle-aged gambling degenerate. What he heard .50 a plate a slot machine went off in his head and he gave the “Where do I sign up faceâ€. I immediately broke it down in terms of reality.

I shit you not, the drone exploded on me! “Mind your F*cking business!†“You are F*cking with my business!†“What the F*ck is the matter with you?†“You don’t F*ck with a man’s livelihood!†Then the most epic thing happened. My business partner picked up the bill pay terminal (cords and all), and threw it at the drone and yelled “Get the F*ck out of y store! And don’t come back!â€

True story.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Posted to my Facebook Inbox...

Hey MJ! Just wanted to touch base today... I love seeing your positive and motivational posts each day! You are just the kind of person I would love to partner with. I am sure you have seen my posts about my Rodan + Fields business. I started it to help pay off some of that insane debit that has occurred over the past year. I was attracted to R+F because of the many, MANY success stories, both with the product and business. I thought of you because you are so positive and have such a magnetic personality. Can I call you later to tell you more and see if this is a good fit for you?

1. I don't post on FB everyday. In fact, the last status update I made was probably mid to late last year. Strike #1
2. Rodan + Fields is a skin care line. Hmmm, sounds perfect for a middle-age man! Strike #2
3. My positive and magnetic personality? Based on my ZERO posts I've made in the last year? Based on having spoken/conversed with you exactly ZERO times? Strike #3.
4. I wrote a lengthy diatribe in my book crucifying MLM (Re: Direct Sales business) -- again, why the f*ck would I want to join you? And do you truly know anything about me other than being a warm body to fill your lead funnel? Strike #4: Not get back to the bench and try again.

These people are pathetic. And no, I have no clue who this person was who messaged me.

 

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[ZDS]

9) I usually don't let people your age in, but I think you have potential.

 

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[pickeringmt]

My favorite line:

"So, what would YOU do with an extra $500 a month?"

My favorite answer:

"Your mom."

I still haven't been asked to join

 

[JEdwards]

6) There is a doctor in it! (As if that matters)

7) You should see the Docs house! (Yea like he bought that house will MLM money.)

 

[DeletedUser2]

8) you should see who is on board with this thing
8.1) "I'm looking for leaders and you're obviously a leader. Do you keep your options open?"

 

[RHL]

MLMs are the definition of a dead end sales job.

To me, it's not even a job. Cleaning toilets is a job. Babysitting screaming 4-year-olds is a job. Paying $600 for a "starter kit" off of which you barely break even by the time you realize what a sucker you were and quit isn't a job, it's "stupidity" as a formal hobby.

You know how MJ talks about the commandment of time? This is like the reverse of that, where you end up working to pay for stuff you had to buy to earn the privilege of working.

 

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[BlakeRVA]

A couple years ago, I was approached by a young man asking for directions. We started chatting and he found out I was passionate about entrepreneurship and he invited me to come sit down with him and discuss a business opportunity. We sit down and he starts explaining all these well-known companies they work with and how easy it was to start making money selling for the company. I was skeptical, but was intrigued by the business model.

I had never heard of MLM at this point so I continued to prod him for information. He gave me somewhat vague answers and would not discuss his personal financial situation (red flag), but I was still interested. After all, when you are in college barely scraping by, the promise of making $1,000 a month working a few hours a week sounds very promising. He told me the company was having a conference and normally the tickets were $185, but because he thought I had potential, he would let me use one of his extra tickets for free. I told him I needed to think about it, but he informed me I needed to make a decision immediately because we needed to leave for the venue. This high pressure decision making tactic worked. So I agreed to go.

When we arrived at the venue, I saw a sea of immigrants and low-income Americans lined up anxiously awaiting to enter the conference building. This was red flag number two. If this business opportunity was so easy and lucrative, why did nobody here appear successful? At this point, my BS alarm is sounding off and I realize this is nothing more than a "get rich quick" scheme that is used to bait low income minorities into signing up. Nevertheless, I ignored my gut and stayed.

Upon entering the conference, I was shocked by how many people showed up. The conference was held in a stadium that could accommodate 20,000 people and it looked as if there wasn't an empty seat in the house. This social proof began to ease my red flags and made me believe this could be the real deal.

It wasn't.

They had a dozen speakers come up to work the crowd up with stereotypical motivational speeches - "you can do it!", "work hard and don't give up!", "don't let people talk you out of this opportunity, you can succeed!", "you can attain freedom just like me!" The crowd would get so worked up and worship every speaker. I felt embarrassed to be there, but stayed because I wanted it to be true. I wanted making money to be as easy as having a few friends.

Before each speaker came up, they had a video play beforehand showing off their material possessions - big houses, swimming pools, happy family, nice cars etc. In one of the videos, I laughed out loud because it was showing off a 2000 BMW 3-series (the conference was in 2014). This is when I finally realized this was all a bogus pyramid scheme. If one of their top guys - a "diamond" - is driving a 2000 BMW and thinks it is worth showing off, then clearly nobody here is making any money.

The conference dragged on for what seemed an eternity. I contemplated leaving a dozen times, but felt the social pressure to stay because of how much the guy spent on my ticket.

Finally, at 12:30 AM the conference let out. We all began filing out of the building into the parking garage and the guy continued to try and sell me on joining the "company". After sitting in standstill traffic in the parking garage for another 30 minutes I had finally had enough and hopped out of the car and decided to walk back to my car.

I didn't make it home that night until 2:30 AM and needless to say, I was irritated to have my Friday night wasted by such nonsense.

I learned three valuable lessons from this experience:
1.) Be relentless about guarding your time. Money and relationships come and go, but the clock is always ticking and you can never earn back wasted hours of your life. Use it wisely. If something doesn't respect your time, cut it off or leave.

2.) Listen to your gut. If you feel something telling you that its too good to be true, it usually is. Trust yourself and don't fall prey to other peoples sales tactics.

3.) Trying to compete with 20,000 other people to sell the same products is going to compete the profit down to zero. If you can't add value, then don't waste your time - you are just chasing money. Aim to enter a business where you can make millions of dollars for your effort, not hundreds of dollars.

 

[The-J]

This ain't MLM but it's damn close.

A friend of mine started seeing a guy who got really into those motivational seminars where they 'awaken your potential' and all that crap.

Sound familiar? The seminar is like $1500 or something and it's in LA. Best of all: there are 3 levels. It's like Scientology or some shit.

She stopped seeing him, shortly afterwards, he starts telling her "how much motivation he has now" and how much "the seminar could help her".

He wants to bring her on board and he said he was considering getting his coach certificate.

This same company which has 3 levels of 'motivational seminars' also sells a 'coaching class' so you can 'teach others these techniques'. This also runs like $1500.

So, 3 $1500 classes, plus a $1500 coaching class. $6000 to get the 'qualifications' to hype people up.

In the 3rd class, they teach people that they should bring their friends aboard because awakening others' potentials is how you awaken yours even further.

What the actual F*ck?!

So if someone comes to you saying that something could 'awaken your potential' or 'fill the void' or 'break past personal AND professional plateaus'... run in the other direction.

 

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[FastNAwesome]

15) Our best worker earns $10k a month (actually the guy did it once, met him)

16) Our best seller has now advanced to higher position and doesn't have to sell anymore, she has a big salary, travels the world and gets education at company expense. And so can you.

17) THIS ONE WAS FUNNY A friend asked me to accompany her to "corporate meeting", because it was held in some out-of-the-way, never-heard-of cafe and she didn't want to go alone. It was some merchandise for women, can't recall, but there I was, sitting among tens of women, and listening to the pitch: "Owner of our franchise really enjoys life, he likes skiing and riding horses, and he even has his own farm and stable. We will organize a visit to his property and you'll be able to see horses and him riding".

THIS IS REAL Just in case it sounds made up And everyone was amazed by Mr.Handsome Owner.
They even brought a framed black and white photo of him riding a horse.

One of the ladies tried to pitch me too. She said that based on my zodiac I'm a born leader and could
earn a lot of money with them.

18) "You're not an elephant to work for peanuts". (and you're not looking for very intelligent people
with that pitch so thanks bye.)

19) "Earning potential is practically unlimited". (Now here's an easy way to earn a million - earn these
guys 10million and a fantastic 10% is all yours!)

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

"were not a direct sales company?"
so how exactly does your company make money

"Heyy!! were having a huge meeting in Broward can I count you in???"

Well it starts by you showing up in Broward... LOL.

 

[z6Evolved]

I try to stay believable when they ask that.

"What would you buy with an extra $500 a month?"

"Crack. More crack. Why, you holdin?"

They never call me. I don't know why.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

His business partner must have said that shit about Rich Dad, Poor Dad 10 different times.

Had I raved (lied) about MLM in TMF , I would have sold a hell of lot more books. But I have no regrets. Some express their opinion in authenticity, others tailor their opinion to what will make them the most money.

 

[SYK]

There's a local entrepreneur nerworking meetup near me.

Been a couple of times. But it's been completely overrun by MLM peddlers, which has sucked the life out of it. Instead of meeting people, you just get pitched the dream and then they get bewildered when I tell them to cram it.

Funniest part is, a lot of them are pitching the same thing so they get shitty when someone else in the room is also selling the same type of snake oil.

The big new one is a miracle wearable patch you wear all day that "releases vitamins and minerals only when your body needs them".

Being into fitness, naturally I probed...

SYK: "What's in it?"
MLM'er: "Hundreds of vitamins and minerals"
SYK: "Yeah, but what exactly?"
MLM'er: "Just all kinds of vitamins and minerals"
SYK: "OK.... how does it work? I mean, how does your body only know to draw from it when it needs?"
MLM'er: "Ummmmm... I'm not really sure. But, but since I've started wearing it I get up at 5am, I used to drink 3 cups of coffee now I need none, I never get tired, I've seen it change people's lives..."

Best thing was... when we started talking she'd just told me how tired and exhausted she was. Might need another magic sticker, darling.

 

[FreeMan]

13) I only make money if I help you to make money

 

[PaulRobert]

.)You are just selling products that your family and friends use everyday of their lives!

.) Amway is a billion dollar company, you will get rich!

.) You look like someone who likes business and likes to make money!


Here is my response to one of these people a few years ago... She just couldn't grasp this concept.

 

[workinprogress]

• "Have you read "Rich Dad Poor Dad"? No? Well here have one, read it. I just happen to have a trunk full of extra copies."

I usually don't fall for these sort of pitches, meaning as soon as I get a hint of MLM bs I tell them to get lost. But this guy was clever, we met organically at Starbucks and he talked big game, I thought I had maybe found a valuable, older, mentor type entrepreneur connection. We met for breakfast, talked some, then 2 days later he invited me to meet his 'business partner' and him for lunch. His business partner must have said that shit about Rich Dad, Poor Dad 10 different times. But as soon as he told me that when we met later that day (when they were really gonna lay the pitch on me), my job was to bring one friend with me, that's when I knew I had been had. Dammit. At least I'm not stupid enough to get roped in, all I wasted was my time.

Wtf is a "virtual mall" anyway? Its somehow gonna beat Amazon, while simultaneously making me 100k a year just by getting 3 people signed up for their own "virtual mall".

They didn't even pay for my food after I drove 30 minutes out to meet them. Assholes.
---
This happened like last week too. This thread is very relevant to me right now.

 

[InMotion]

10.) "I'm going to send a guy out too talk to you about this......you will save big with our buyer group."

I thought you normally saved money by buying less?


Pitched from a guy that I thought was my friend of 3 years....I never talked to him again unfortunately. The guy was ten years my senior...some people never wise up.

"Our group ruins friendships" I think that's a good slogan

 

[jockinbox]

"I've never sold a verve in my life and never will. Thats not what we do"
Interesting...so what exactly do you do?
"you shouldnt be so closed minded, this is like when google was starting"
this sounds more like Enron
"you have nothing to lose"
I do actually its called my time.
"were not a direct sales company?"
so how exactly does your company make money

next day she messages me again
"Heyy!! were having a huge meeting in Broward can I count you in???"
No, I have to go return some tapes

 

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[Scot]

The first red flag is when people who I've never carried a conversation with before or talked to in years hit me up on Facebook.

15 minutes of asking about how I'm doing and what's going on in my life... then asking if I've heard about Advocare...

 

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[G-Man]

Lularoe (sp?) event and was all over FB trying to recruit with pictures of a private Katy Perry concert they had at their national convention.

If finding yourself in a convention center full of middle aged women listening to Katy Perry and selling stretch pants doesn't make you question your life choices, I don't know what will.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Compliments of the other thread...


11) Most are crap, but this one isn't (Wow, like I never heard that before!)

12) I only joined because the executive team is so awesome! (Yea, it's a bunch of rich guys who are only going to get richer because the wolves love finely tenderized sheep!)

 

[liquidglass]

I know someone who is high up in an MLM so her income is what most drones talk about knowing someone who know someone. But her posts are the most annoying thing on FB then all the little birdies feed at her feet sucking up like she's going to help them.

Also to note this is the third MLM i've personally seen her in sure she makes money but she never stops working because the income isn't sustainable and runs out after 3 or 4 years.

"I'm going to be a flip-flop CEO for 4 days!" (btw it's a mlm convention, not vacation aka I'm going on F*cking semi- vacation my first one in two years. No darling you're not a CEO. You're a well paid drone who can lose their income stream within a few days.

Currently she's working in a weightloss mlm and had the nerve to make a situation she saw as a marketing opportunity. She saw a man collapse at the airport from a heart attack, which I'm sure is a sight to see. But then went on to say how if he had just heard about her opportunity he may not have had a heart attack and it gives her motivation that her job is really good for people. Way to make his heart attack about you.

I say all that to say this. Last month on a whim I took my wife on a week vacation for our anniversary with no set budget so we could do whatever we wanted. No company paid convention, no incentive trip, just me deciding we should take a break and go. Why can I do that? Because I'm riding the F*cking fastlane not an MLM ego trip.

*of course there are people ahead of me on the fastlane, but my experience was a small milestone I had set for myself, and I achieved it, without hawking products for a larger company that tries to convince me "i'm my own boss"

 

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[TheBlackLion]

14) Some people will be skeptical. That's because they don't "get it" (and thank goodness they don't).

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Running with that, I was interested in what their pricing was considering they offered your everyday service providers who I even use. My guess was that their prices were not competitive because of the added cost of sales acquisition on top of their existing marketing budget. How many of the 58 services they were selling do you think they had prices for? Not. One.

How else would you get someone to buy $20 soap when you could just get it for a $1.99 at Walmart?
How else would you get someone to buy a $199/phone service when you could just get it for $49 at Comcast?
How else would you get someone to buy a $99/mo 800 service when you could just get it at $9 at Grasshopper?

If people would just critically think about this stuff.

No, the product isn't better that what's already on the market.

It's the same.

You're paying for the 100 sheep that went before you.

 

[Stu_Hefner]

 

[RHL]

$500 a month

 

[Torty Emmanuel]

One of my former colleagues keeps calling and telling me about this glorious 'business opportunity' that will make me money even while I'm asleep without any initial work and just $600 investment.

Phone rings...conversation starts

Colleague: Emmanuel, What do you think about the business?
Me: What is this biz about? Give me some details about it.
Colleague: Don't you trust me again?
Me: Of course, I trust you (...this guy thinks I'm an idiot).
Colleague: So will you come for our meeting on Saturday?
Me: I don't think so 'cos I have a project I'm working on (...I can't waste my time on your crap).
Colleague: Hmmm, It seems you don't trust me. What do you take me for?
Me: Have you started earning from the 'business'?
Colleague: Just come to the meeting, Bro.

At this point, I was pissed off.

Me: Can you show me your own proofs?!
Colleague: Don't worry, when you come to the meeting you will see for yourself.
Me: Sorry, I can't come.

...I cut off the phone.

If he really has a secret money-printing machine, will he ever bother to know where I live? I don't think so.

 

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[Camaro68]

I love when people think they are hot shit because they drive a 10 year old, 5 thousand dollar BMW. Enjoy paying out the a$$ on maintenance for your German mistake, attempting to impress other poor people into thinking you're less poor then them.

This made me laugh, its so true! In college I had a roommate who was a deadbeat. He did terrible in school, never had his share of the rent in time and had gotten his high school GF prego at graduation so had a kid that he dumped on his mom during "his weekends". I remember he used to get the card with money on it from the state for groceries...a real piece of work...I could always tell because his shelf would be packed with junk food at the beginning of every month.....anyway he bought a 10yr old BMW coupe that was red and clean, no rust, actually looked sharp. The alternator went out and he didn't have the $125 to go down to Advanced and buy it so I gave him the money and held his XBOX as collateral haha (I knew to CYA even back then).

Anyway, we were out several times or had house parties and MULTIPLE times I would hear girls comment on that BMW being a "hot car!". I couldn't believe it, I think he paid $4k for the thing and it had just shy of 200k miles on it. They had no clue he was broke as a joke and the thing has serious reliability issues (engine knocks not just the alternator).

Simple people are impressed and attracted by flashy things IMO. Faking a financial status to impress others is pathetic IMO and immature. I'd always rather be the guy who was loaded and nobody knew, but that's just me.

(side note) That former roommate used to skateboard, he had a buddy that made a video to sell online of them skateboarding (didn't sell) and one summer they jumped in the other kids family mini van and road tripped down to Florida to skate around and video tape it so he had content for the DVD to sell. The kid with the minivan paid for all the gas on the trip down...it was a "free" trip for him. The guy "sponsored" him....and you guessed it...my roommate was a PRO SKATEBOARDER! Add a 24x24 picture on his bedroom wall of him on a skateboard in some skate park for legitimacy and the girls ATE IT UP!! haha I still laugh about that. I will give the old roommate one thing, he was the KING of BS, sooo good and looking at something I didn't think was a big deal and spinning it to make it sound like the greatest thing in the world. I swear he could have been a garbage man and spun it somehow so he could pick up girls with it, gotta give him props on that