Need feedback on my copywriting

[LiveEntrepreneur]

Hey LiveEntrepreneur, I've noticed that you're a go getter and an action taker, and I like that about you. Here's the approach that I was taught to practice copywriting. I would not advocate your current approach, as you won't know if your copy is good or bad, so you might be reinforcing bad techniques in your mind rather than eradicating them. What you're doing is just guessing at what may be effective, but it also may NOT be effective. And you won't know unless they actually publish your copy, but if you're writing practice copy for people like Google, no one is going to publish this. So you have no feedback loop. Here's what you can do instead:

1. Copy successful, high-performing ads. Write them out by hand, word-for-word. This trains your brain to begin to see the patterns for effective, high-performing copy.

• What is a successful, high-performing ad? It's one that has typically served as the "control" for a long time. The control is the ad that is currently performing the best to sell a given product or service. Copywriters are constantly writing new ads, trying to get one to perform better than the control. They run a test. For example, half the audience gets the new ad, and half the audience gets the control. They see which ad generates more responses. The control still wins, so the new ad gets thrown out, and the copywriters start over trying to beat the control. An ad that lasts a long time as the control is something that you should emulate to improve your copywriting skills. Don't just emulate ANY ad.
• How do you get access to ads like these? Where do you find data on which ads fit this criteria? Two ways. First, keep your eyes open for what is often called a "Direct Response Swipe File." The direct response copywriters have been testing what works and what doesn't work for much longer than the internet has been around. So a lot of the basic principles of psychology and persuasion have already been uncovered by their long-term testing, and much of what you see on the internet is merely a rehash of what the direct mailing folks were doing all along. All the top copywriters in that space tended to keep a "swipe file" of good ads that they could model and use for inspiration. Second, look at the brands that have enough money to do a lot of testing. Find their landing pages. One way to do this for any industry is to type in some of the top keywords that indicate buying intent, look at the Google Adwords ads that the largest companies in your space are running, and then click on the ads to see what kind of landing page they go to. Look at their headline copy. Study their bullet points. Find out what customer pain points they're speaking to. Notice what kind of aspirations they're tapping into. Pay attention to what kind of language they're using. (Is it highbrow, posh, super polished language? Or is it common, everyday-speak? Or is it borderline crude/vulgar? They're using this kind of language for a reason, because the target audience uses it.) Take the ads that stand out to you and add them to your own swipe file. (Start a swipe file now if you haven't already).

2. Write out 100 headlines for a single product. Use a handful of proven headline "formulas" to create your headlines. Make sure you incorporate strong emotion words in your headlines. The headline should make a big promise while evoking curiosity. One place where you can get different headline formulas is simply by googling terms like "Copywriting formulas for headlines" and you'll get lots of results.

3. Write out 100 bullet points for a single product. Again, use proven "formulas" to construct your bullet points. Part of the discipline of copywriting is being creative within a structure. You never want to write from scratch if you can help it. I learned to write bullet points from Ray Edwards' book, "How to Write Copy that Sells," which includes 21 different bullet point formulas with examples. You write 5 bullet points for each type and at the end you'll have 105 bullets. By just doing this exercise ONCE, you'll become significantly better at writing enticing, compelling copy. How fast could you get good at copywriting by doing it repeatedly?

4. Go through your list of headlines and bullet points. Pick the best 10-15 of each. Then post them in this thread (preferably with some context about what product they're for) and I think you'll get some more constructive feedback on your copywriting. (Please post them as text, not as images. It's very hard to tell what you've written in image format.)

Hope this helps!

Hey I had a question. So I found a swipe file like you mentioned. Listed here:

https://s3-eu-west-1.amazonaws.com/johnmulry/The+Ultimate+Headlines+Swipe+File+2017+John+Mulry.pdf

I went to the bullet point section, starts on page : 26. My question is all these bullet points seem like titles or a headline. How do these work when it comes to for example an online course? Or even describing a product? Am I missing something?

 

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[Bekit]

Hey I had a question. So I found a swipe file like you mentioned. Listed here:

https://s3-eu-west-1.amazonaws.com/johnmulry/The+Ultimate+Headlines+Swipe+File+2017+John+Mulry.pdf

I went to the bullet point section, starts on page : 26. My question is all these bullet points seem like titles or a headline. How do these work when it comes to for example an online course? Or even describing a product? Am I missing something?

This is because this particular swipe file consists of headlines only. I didn't see a bullet point section on p. 26, just more headlines. But, as the author pointed out, you could repurpose some of these headlines as bullet points, email subject lines, etc.

If you've read Ray's book, do you remember the 21 bullet point formats that he covered? I haven't really seen you write any bullets that conform to these formats. You want your bullet points to create an "open loop" in the reader's mind and create anticipation for what's coming without actually revealing the thing itself. For instance, here are 5 bullet points I recently wrote for a lead magnet on digital marketing, directed toward small business owners who are looking to hire a digital marketing agency:

"Revealed inside...

• The shocking truth about the difference between how digital marketing agencies market themselves to you versus how they market you to your customers
• The difference between the digital marketing results you are REALLY getting and what you COULD be getting
• SEO Myths that digital marketing agencies use to sell you on a dream (don't fall for these myths, because they make zero difference)
• One simple question to ask that can save you from getting yourself into a devastatingly bad situation for your business
• When you should learn a marketing skill for yourself and when you should outsource it (get this wrong, and you could lose a lot of money, fast)"

Notice that none of these bullets tell you WHAT is inside. You have to read the lead magnet to learn that. And that's the point. It's extra enticement to put in your email address in exchange for the information that you're going to get.

So this is a very different thing than your typical bullet points that you see in factual documents or product descriptions. Copywriting bullet points are called "fascinations" for a reason (because they are meant to stir up fascination and suspense and desire, while concealing the thing that's being promised).

How do these work when it comes to for example an online course? Or even describing a product? Am I missing something?

OK, let's say that you're writing bullet points for an online course. You do this:

1. Comb through the course for the biggest, most impactful, most insightful things that will be shared to the paying students. Make a list of them.
2. Then write bullets that "talk around the edges" of these insights without giving away the actual insight. Examples:
   1. Learn the one trick that will [accomplish X result that they want] in only [insanely short time period].
   2. The 7-step process for [getting the life that they want] without [paying the typical cost in time, money, or energy]
   3. My secret method for [thing that most people find hard to do] - most people would never share this, but when you implement this method, it's guaranteed to work for you the same way it works for me.
3. Place these bullets on the sales page for the course, and they will make people go, "oh my goodness, I just have to know what's inside this course!" And if your bullets are good, they will help you boost sales.

(It's probably worth pointing out that good bullets and good headlines alone aren't enough; you also need effective storytelling, the right structure for the page, clear calls to action, etc.)

For product bullet points, you would take a different approach. You would accurately describe the features of the product. Sometimes you would also tie them to a benefit, transformation, or aspiration that the person has. You're not evoking much curiosity here because they see a photo of the item on the page. So your bullet points will tend to be factual. Look at the copy on product descriptions for top-selling brands in the world (e.g. Nike, Apple) and emulate their style for this, except write in the voice & tone of the brand you're writing for. Or, if it's your own product, write it in your own voice & tone.

 

[Hijena1]

Nobody in here can give you this answer. There's only one way to find out what works in copy and it isn't by copying ads, rewriting headlines, using templates that people claim worked well for them, or asking an audience that isn't your target prospect if your copy is good. Let me ask you this...is your goal to pass a copywriting exam? Or is it to sell and make money? If it's the former, then keep doing what you're doing and do the whole copying ads bullcrap too.

The ONLY way to get results and improve as a copywriter is via the scientific method:

1) Define your desired outcome - "I would like my audience to do X."
2) Ask a question - "How can I get my audience to do X?"
3) Research - Gather information on your audience and get to know them
4) Hypothesis - "If my audience reads X I think they will respond with Y action."
5) Experiment - Put the copy in front of real prospects and give them a chance to read it.
6) Results - "Did the copy achieve my desired outcome?"
----- If NO: Review procedures and adjust something in your copy, then run another experiment
----- If YES: Analyze the data and draw conclusions
7) If you achieved your desired results, but they weren't as good as you hoped, form a new hypothesis, adjust something and run another experiment.

This is how you get better at copywriting.

Everything else is a class in writing 101- i.e. storytelling, flow and structure, persuasion tactics, grammar... None of that is copywriting. All of it is part of copywriting. That's why I cringe when I hear others say to copy templates and old ads. That doesn't teach you how to get better at copy. It teaches you techniques that MAY or MAY NOT work for your audience.

We can give you our opinions on your writing all day long. But it's just a writing critique at best. If you want to write good copy, you have to study and empathize with your audience, run experiments on that audience, and get real results that tell you 100% for sure if your copy is good or not.

Just wow Lex, thank you for this Gold.
This is something everybody should know. I've got the feeling that everything else is action faking?

 

[Bekit]

Just ran across something on the forum that you can add to your swipe file... A very generous user shared seven downloadable resources that you can check out here:

Copywriting Mastermind Group 2016

 

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[Lex DeVille]

Just wow Lex, thank you for this Gold.
This is something everybody should know. I've got the feeling that everything else is action faking?

In a sense, yes.

If the goal is conversions (sales, clicks, replies), then the only way to get results is to put an offer in front of an audience. Doesn't matter if the copy is duck poop or gold cake. Whether they act or don't, once the offer is in front of people, you establish a baseline of results.

There are variables to consider of course. Mainly the number of people who saw the offer. Was it placed it front of enough people to get a baseline? Showing one person the copy and that person doesn't buy won't tell you much. Showing 100 people will though.

If you show enough people and the results are 0, then change something. Preferably something big so the change is drastic and noticeable.

Bad Headline Test:
I Am A Test Headline vs. I am a test headline

Good Headline Test:
I Am A Test Headline vs. This is a Test Headline Muthaf*ckas!

If I were doing this I would test two completely different pages with completely different copy. Show them both to 100 people or more. If version one gets 0 results and version two earns 1 conversion, then I know version 2 is better.

The next step is to increase conversions. Once you have a baseline for positive results, you build upon those results. Maybe change the headline capitalization, or the bullet point features, or how the main call to action is worded.

Put the original best version and the new version in front of 100 more people and give them a chance to act. If version one gets 1 conversion and version two gets 0 then version 1 is the best. Go back to the drawing board and change something else. Run it again. Version one gets 2 conversions this time, but version two gets 5 conversions. Now you have a new baseline to work from.

Using this process, even the shittiest writer on the planet can be a conversion copywriter.

Now, if the goal is to pass a copywriting exam, or have the ability to recite template headlines, then studying ads and swipe files and old copywriters is NOT action faking. It's the exact right thing to do.

 

[rogue synthetic]

You know if you go back and read Gary Halbert's newsletter on the 30-days-to-hand-copying-mastery, you notice something important.

He lists a whole bunch of steps that begin with reading, to get the basics down, and end with the would-be copy expert learning a process of creating ads after going through the mini-apprenticeship.

Plus, this being Gary Halbert, it's hard to tell how serious this is meant to be. He probably did mean it and didn't expect anyone to actually go through with it. Or it could all just be a fable warning people how hard it is to get really good at copywriting. Since the internet hates hard work, it's not a surprise that one small piece of the whole puzzle got ripped out of context.

Either way, reading between the lines, the moral of the story is (a) you need some idea of what you're doing, (b) you need to understand your audience and your product, and (c) you need to write a lot and write to ship.

Halbert's suggesting exactly the opposite of action faking. The hand-writing ads meme seems to be more internet telephone game than a bedrock of the method.

 

[LiveEntrepreneur]

This is because this particular swipe file consists of headlines only. I didn't see a bullet point section on p. 26, just more headlines. But, as the author pointed out, you could repurpose some of these headlines as bullet points, email subject lines, etc.

If you've read Ray's book, do you remember the 21 bullet point formats that he covered? I haven't really seen you write any bullets that conform to these formats. You want your bullet points to create an "open loop" in the reader's mind and create anticipation for what's coming without actually revealing the thing itself. For instance, here are 5 bullet points I recently wrote for a lead magnet on digital marketing, directed toward small business owners who are looking to hire a digital marketing agency:

"Revealed inside...

• The shocking truth about the difference between how digital marketing agencies market themselves to you versus how they market you to your customers
• The difference between the digital marketing results you are REALLY getting and what you COULD be getting
• SEO Myths that digital marketing agencies use to sell you on a dream (don't fall for these myths, because they make zero difference)
• One simple question to ask that can save you from getting yourself into a devastatingly bad situation for your business
• When you should learn a marketing skill for yourself and when you should outsource it (get this wrong, and you could lose a lot of money, fast)"

Notice that none of these bullets tell you WHAT is inside. You have to read the lead magnet to learn that. And that's the point. It's extra enticement to put in your email address in exchange for the information that you're going to get.

So this is a very different thing than your typical bullet points that you see in factual documents or product descriptions. Copywriting bullet points are called "fascinations" for a reason (because they are meant to stir up fascination and suspense and desire, while concealing the thing that's being promised).



OK, let's say that you're writing bullet points for an online course. You do this:

1. Comb through the course for the biggest, most impactful, most insightful things that will be shared to the paying students. Make a list of them.
2. Then write bullets that "talk around the edges" of these insights without giving away the actual insight. Examples:
   1. Learn the one trick that will [accomplish X result that they want] in only [insanely short time period].
   2. The 7-step process for [getting the life that they want] without [paying the typical cost in time, money, or energy]
   3. My secret method for [thing that most people find hard to do] - most people would never share this, but when you implement this method, it's guaranteed to work for you the same way it works for me.
3. Place these bullets on the sales page for the course, and they will make people go, "oh my goodness, I just have to know what's inside this course!" And if your bullets are good, they will help you boost sales.

(It's probably worth pointing out that good bullets and good headlines alone aren't enough; you also need effective storytelling, the right structure for the page, clear calls to action, etc.)

For product bullet points, you would take a different approach. You would accurately describe the features of the product. Sometimes you would also tie them to a benefit, transformation, or aspiration that the person has. You're not evoking much curiosity here because they see a photo of the item on the page. So your bullet points will tend to be factual. Look at the copy on product descriptions for top-selling brands in the world (e.g. Nike, Apple) and emulate their style for this, except write in the voice & tone of the brand you're writing for. Or, if it's your own product, write it in your own voice & tone.

Thanks so much for your wealth of information. i appreciate the in depth information. Ill read that book again and try implement those bullet points. Thanks for those great examples its giving me a good idea of the type of things to write.

 

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[LiveEntrepreneur]

In a sense, yes.

If the goal is conversions (sales, clicks, replies), then the only way to get results is to put an offer in front of an audience. Doesn't matter if the copy is duck poop or gold cake. Whether they act or don't, once the offer is in front of people, you establish a baseline of results.

There are variables to consider of course. Mainly the number of people who saw the offer. Was it placed it front of enough people to get a baseline? Showing one person the copy and that person doesn't buy won't tell you much. Showing 100 people will though.

If you show enough people and the results are 0, then change something. Preferably something big so the change is drastic and noticeable.

Bad Headline Test:
I Am A Test Headline vs. I am a test headline

Good Headline Test:
I Am A Test Headline vs. This is a Test Headline Muthaf*ckas!

If I were doing this I would test two completely different pages with completely different copy. Show them both to 100 people or more. If version one gets 0 results and version two earns 1 conversion, then I know version 2 is better.

The next step is to increase conversions. Once you have a baseline for positive results, you build upon those results. Maybe change the headline capitalization, or the bullet point features, or how the main call to action is worded.

Put the original best version and the new version in front of 100 more people and give them a chance to act. If version one gets 1 conversion and version two gets 0 then version 1 is the best. Go back to the drawing board and change something else. Run it again. Version one gets 2 conversions this time, but version two gets 5 conversions. Now you have a new baseline to work from.

Using this process, even the sh*ttiest writer on the planet can be a conversion copywriter.

Now, if the goal is to pass a copywriting exam, or have the ability to recite template headlines, then studying ads and swipe files and old copywriters is NOT action faking. It's the exact right thing to do.

Interesting, Lex. I feel like you first gotta practice like this before you start writing for clients. I think you need some kind of practice to get an idea of what to do.

 

[LiveEntrepreneur]

This is because this particular swipe file consists of headlines only. I didn't see a bullet point section on p. 26, just more headlines. But, as the author pointed out, you could repurpose some of these headlines as bullet points, email subject lines, etc.

If you've read Ray's book, do you remember the 21 bullet point formats that he covered? I haven't really seen you write any bullets that conform to these formats. You want your bullet points to create an "open loop" in the reader's mind and create anticipation for what's coming without actually revealing the thing itself. For instance, here are 5 bullet points I recently wrote for a lead magnet on digital marketing, directed toward small business owners who are looking to hire a digital marketing agency:

"Revealed inside...

• The shocking truth about the difference between how digital marketing agencies market themselves to you versus how they market you to your customers
• The difference between the digital marketing results you are REALLY getting and what you COULD be getting
• SEO Myths that digital marketing agencies use to sell you on a dream (don't fall for these myths, because they make zero difference)
• One simple question to ask that can save you from getting yourself into a devastatingly bad situation for your business
• When you should learn a marketing skill for yourself and when you should outsource it (get this wrong, and you could lose a lot of money, fast)"

Notice that none of these bullets tell you WHAT is inside. You have to read the lead magnet to learn that. And that's the point. It's extra enticement to put in your email address in exchange for the information that you're going to get.

So this is a very different thing than your typical bullet points that you see in factual documents or product descriptions. Copywriting bullet points are called "fascinations" for a reason (because they are meant to stir up fascination and suspense and desire, while concealing the thing that's being promised).



OK, let's say that you're writing bullet points for an online course. You do this:

1. Comb through the course for the biggest, most impactful, most insightful things that will be shared to the paying students. Make a list of them.
2. Then write bullets that "talk around the edges" of these insights without giving away the actual insight. Examples:
   1. Learn the one trick that will [accomplish X result that they want] in only [insanely short time period].
   2. The 7-step process for [getting the life that they want] without [paying the typical cost in time, money, or energy]
   3. My secret method for [thing that most people find hard to do] - most people would never share this, but when you implement this method, it's guaranteed to work for you the same way it works for me.
3. Place these bullets on the sales page for the course, and they will make people go, "oh my goodness, I just have to know what's inside this course!" And if your bullets are good, they will help you boost sales.

(It's probably worth pointing out that good bullets and good headlines alone aren't enough; you also need effective storytelling, the right structure for the page, clear calls to action, etc.)

For product bullet points, you would take a different approach. You would accurately describe the features of the product. Sometimes you would also tie them to a benefit, transformation, or aspiration that the person has. You're not evoking much curiosity here because they see a photo of the item on the page. So your bullet points will tend to be factual. Look at the copy on product descriptions for top-selling brands in the world (e.g. Nike, Apple) and emulate their style for this, except write in the voice & tone of the brand you're writing for. Or, if it's your own product, write it in your own voice & tone.

Hey so I have completed those 21 bullet points. Just wondering if I could please get feedback on them.

After writing all these they don't really feel like bullet points. Maybe because there is no context? Anyways here they are:

(You will notice I did contradict myself below, it was just copy practice) Some of them I couldn't think of more so I didn't do 10 bullet points.

21 bullet point ideas



· The wrong bullet



1) Do you really think that you are productive? Wrong! We’ll explain exactly why you are not, and how to become a productivity monster.

2) Investing for the long-term is the best way to get rich, right? Wrong! How you have been fooled, and how to get rich fast.

3) You’ve been told that you should stop drinking latte’s everyday to save money, so you can save for retirement. Wrong! Find out What you really should stop wasting your money on to become financially free.

4) The best way to learn is by reading books and watching videos, right? Wrong! Why you have no idea what you are doing and how to learn ANYTHING rapidly.

5) Go to school, get good grades, and eventually you will become rich, right? Wrong! How your parents have fooled you into the slow lane and why you will never become rich.

6) You aren’t feeling motivated and you need motivation, right? Wrong! The REAL secret to staying motivated 24/7.

7) Do you really believe building backlinks is the solution to increasing your domain authority? Wrong! Why building backlinks is a loser’s game and what to REALLY focus on.

8) Exercise to lose weight, right? Wrong! Why you aren’t losing kilos, and the SECRET to shredding fat, FAST.

9) Pinch pennies to become rich, right? Wrong! Get quick rich exists, you just need the right system in place. We can support you with one.

10) Coffee in the morning is bad for your heart pressure, right? Wrong! Studies prove that one coffee a day is healthy for your heart.





· The themed bullet

1) The 10 sleep depriving ideas that are keeping you from waking up effortlessly.

2) The 5 fail-proof ideas that will make you successful.

3) The 3 best times to post on Facebook to get the maximum impact for your business.

4) The 4 ways you are wasting and not even realizing it.

5) The top 5 items that are chewing your wallet away and how to get your savings back on track.

6) The 3 secrets to staying slim all year round, why what you are doing is ineffective.

7) Why your new year’s resolution is a waste of time and what you really should be doing.

8) The 3 deadly excuses that are destroying your life, without you even realizing it.

9) 5 life threatening foods that are greatly shortening your life span.

10) The 2 easy ideas that will rapidly boost your website traffic



· The two-step bullet

1) Why you shouldn’t waste your time building backlinks (The one thing that is killing your website, and why it will never rank)

2) The REAL reason why you aren’t ranking on Google (If you keep doing this, your website will cease to exist in Google’s ranking)

3) The top 5 foods to never eat if you want to lose weight (If you keep eating these foods, you will NEVER lose weight)

4) These exercises are keeping you from making big gains (If you keep doing these exercises, you will NEVER gain muscle)

5) The genius trick to learn rapidly (Why your current learning plan is failing you)

6) The maximum achievement plan for muscle growth (Why your plan sucks and why you will spend more time than you have to)

7) What not to do if you want to increase your app downloads (getting this wrong could cost you THOUSANDS of downloads)

8) Why you keep making the same mistake and how to stop (If you don’t stop, you will suffer the harsh consequences)

9) Avoid these foods for longevity (eating these foods will DRASTICALLY reduce your life span)

10) The 7 power words that will seduce people into your copy (The words that you most likely use, that is killing your copy and sinking your sales)



· The giveaway bullet

1) A chance to win $500 dollars!

2) The 5 FREE unstoppable tactics that will make you a master salesman

3) FREE step by step mini guide to building the business of your dreams

4) FREE eBook reveals the secret tactics that professional copywriters use to massively boost their sales

5) The secrets to growing profits rapidly FINALLY revealed in this FREE eBook.

6) Discover the secrets to why you are broke, and how to get out of the rut you are in.

7) The shocking truth as to why you aren’t getting the results that you want in SEO. All revealed in this FREE eBook.

8) The secret fail-proof strategies to growing your social media following, all revealed in this FREE eBook.

9) The 6 dirty tactics that your competitors wish they had. All revealed in this FREE eBook.

10) 9 top secret ideas that will rank you for #1 in google. Get this FREE eBook before your competitors do!





· The reverse hook bullets

1) $5 a day on Facebook ads can make your profits soar to the sky!

2) Building backlinks can rapidly boost your domain authority

3) An apple a day reduces the chance of diabetes!

4) 80 percent of your activities only produce 20 percent of your results.

5) Pinching pennies won’t help you become rich, but a business will!


· The naked benefit bullet

1) Studies prove backlinking is the most effective method for building domain authority.

2) It’s been proven that reading is not the best way to learn.

3) Udemy is the quickest way to find and develop new skills.

4) ASO isn’t the only way to promote your app, social media can help you boost revenue aswell.

5) Bank’s rip you off by $5000 every year, what you can do about it.

6) Most active funds fail to make you money, because fund managers fail to outperform the market.

7) You will never make a killing with ETF’s, but you will with individual stock picking.





· The transactional bullet

1) Give me 1$ and I’ll give you $5.

2) Give me 30 days and I’ll help you get your first paycheck, with copywriting.

3) Give me 5 minutes and I’ll tell you how to save THOUSANDS of hours in the future.

4) Give me only 5 minutes and I’ll show you EXACTLY how I make $100,00 a month.

5) Give me 10 minutes and I’ll change your life forever.

6) Give me 30 minutes and I’ll give you a plan to revolutionize your life.

7) Give me only 5 minutes and I’ll tell you EXACTLY how to 10X your productivity

8) Give me 15 minutes and I’ll tell you all my secrets, on how to build a successful business

9) Give me 1 hour and I’ll show you how to triple your future sales

10) Give me 1 hour and I’ll show one trick that will make ALL the difference in your life



· The if-then bullet

1) If you download this FREE eBook, then I can show you how to make over $1000 a DAY safely.

2) If you have 60 seconds, then you can learn to save countless time in the future

3) If you have a parking ticket you can easily dispute it with these 3 easy tactics

4) If you can spare 10 minutes a day, then I can show you how to save over 50.

5) If you aren’t getting any traffic to your website, then I'll show you EXACTLY how to starting growing a user base.

6) If your memory is terrible, I can turn you into a memory champions in less than 30 days.

7) If your app downloads have plummeted, I can tell you EXACTLY why.

8) If you’re losing orders on your fiverr gig, then all you need is a few small tweaks to get yourself back on track.

9) If you are stuck in a rut, then this FREE eBook will answer ALL your questions.

10) If you are lost in life, then asking yourself these 3 questions will change your life forever.



· The “Truth about” bullet

1) The truth about gurus, why they don’t care about you, what they really care about.

2) The truth about the self-help industry, why most of it is a waste of time.

3) The truth about “passive income experts”, how they REALLY made their fortune.

4) The truth about passive income, why most passive income isn’t passive at all.

5) The truth about making money, has nothing to do with money.

6) The truth penny stocks, why they will only make you broke.

7) The truth about following your passion, why doing so will make you miserable.

8) The truth about losing weight, why diet isn’t as important as you think.

9) The truth about the lotto, the odds are way less than you think.

10) The truth about you not having the time, nothing could be further from the truth.



· The “Single Most” bullet

1) The single most proven way to lost weight rapidly.

2) The single, easiest way to learn anything.

3) The single, most effortless way to love exercise.

4) The single, most effective way to get your a$$ to the gym.

5) The single and most effective way to cut your expenses.

6) The single, most effective way maintain your diet.

7) The single fastest way to become rich.

8) The single fastest method to rapidly boost your website traffic.

9) The single item of food that you need to cut out to reduce your chance of a heart attack by 30%.

10) The single worst exercise that will guarantee that you don’t build muscle.



· The “How-to” bullet.

1) How to grow an online business that can’t help but put money into your pocket.

2) How to approach anyone without constant practice

3) How to revolutionize your life with positivity.

4) How to get 6 pack abs in six weeks, without going to the gym 3 hours a day!

5) How to write copy that will give you the ultimate competitive edge against almost any copywriter.

6) How to memorize anything.

7) How to pass your exams without studying like a madman.

8) How to save over 100$ a week on groceries

9) How to create a killer resume that will get you hired instantly

10) How to write a cover letter that will make employers want to hire you.



· The number bullet

1) 3 easy ways to stick to your new year’s resolutions.

2) 2 ways to break any habit habits, with the power of habits.

3) 3 exercises to build muscle rapidly.

4) 5 ways to cut your expenses by asking yourself one question.

5) 3 strategies to grow your domain authority rapidly without backlinks.

6) 2 effortless techniques that you can use to pass your exams.

7) 3 ways to double sales in less than 12 months.

8) 5 ways to greatly the profit of your home.

9) 7 business ideas that are Fastlane.

10) 5 easy ways to increase your life span.

 

[LiveEntrepreneur]

second part couldn't post it all:

· The sneaky bullet (I did similar renditions)

1) The secret techniques that sleazy salesman use to sell anything instantly.

2) The sneaky techniques that sleazy salesman use to sell anything instantly.

3) The fail-proof secret that will make your business profits soar to the sky.

4) The genius tactic to pass any exams with almost no studying.

5) The secret to tripling your sales revealed. (Your competitors would beg for this information)

6) The sneaky tactics that copywriters use to seduce you into their copy.

7) The secret to living a life of freedom, it’s not what you think it is.

8) The shocking truth about making passive income. (Hint: It’s not so passive)

9) The jaw dropping truth to losing weight fast.

10) The shocking secret on boosting your app downloads without spending a fortune on marketing.



· The “Better than” bullet

1) Better than email blasting! How make influencers respond to your instantly.

2) Better than (social networking site name): The easy way to connect with friends.

3) Better than drop shipping: The easy way to make passive income.

4) Better than the paleo diet: How to shred off weight, fast.

5) Better than (search engine name): 50% more accurate search results

6) Better than (social networking site name): 100% privacy protection.

7) Better than toothpaste: How to whiten your teeth within weeks.

8) Better than chewing gum: How to keep your breath fresh, all day round.

9) Better than glasses: The surgery that will give you 20/20 vision

10) Better than vacuuming: How to clean your house quickly and effortlessly.



· The simple fact bullet point

1) There is an easy to do things and the hard way, I can teach you to make your life effortless.

2) Smoking 1 cigarette reduces your life span anywhere from 7 to 11 minutes; How you can easily quit for good.

3) An apple a day keeps cardiovascular disease away; Studies prove that apples can greatly reduce your chances of developing many diseases.

4) If you procrastinate on one thing you definitely procrastinate on everything: How to stop procrastination for good.

5) Rich people are suddenly poor: Find out what they are doing wrong, so you don’t have the same mistake.



· The “What” bullet

1) What to do when you receive a massive parking fine.

2) What you should immediately throw out if you want to live a healthy life.

3) What you should do right now if you want to increase your chances of success, by at least 50%.

4) What to do when profits are quickly falling.

5) What to do if your car runs out of petrol in the middle of nowhere.

6) What to do if you can seem to find customers for your business.

7) What to do if your website is getting no traction.

8) What to do if you are stuck in a rut.

9) What to do if you have a tough choice to make.

10) What to do if you can’t find your dream career.



· The “WHAT NEVER” bullet.

1) What never to do if you are angry (Unless you want to regret it forever)

2) What never to do if you need to make a big decision (Unless you want life-long regrets)

3) What never to do if you are driving (Unless you want to die)

4) What never to do if you want to get stuff done (if you want to become a proactive person)

5) What never to do when studying (Unless you want to lose all your momentum)

6) What never to do if you want to achieve your dreams (Unless you want to live a life of mediocrity)

7) What never to do if you want to lose weight rapidly (Don’t read this if you want to remain a couch potato)

8) What never to do if you want to achieve your new years resolution (unless you want to achieve nothing)

9) What never to do if you start a business (Unless you want to blow all your capital in 24 hours)

10) What never to do if you want to be successful with Facebook ads (Unless you want to blow all your money with no results)



· The “Do you” bullet

1) Do you spend countless hours at the gym with no results? (If you do it’s because you just need to make one slight adjustment)

2) Do you constantly struggle and feel like there is no way out? (The secret to getting out of the rut forever and crushing obstacles effortlessly)

3) Do you make these mistakes in your business? (If so, you have already lost countless dollars, and be prepared to lose more!)

4) Do you read self-help books? (if you do, I GUARANTEE you have fallen for more than 1 guru trap)

5) Do you keep complaining that life sucks? (If you don’t change this now, you will remain a sook forever)

6) Do you keep focusing on trying to make money? (If so, then prepare to stay broke forever – Find out what you really need to focus on)

7) Do you keep action faking? (that’s fine, if you want a guaranteed life of mediocrity and regrets – Find out how to become a MASSIVE action taker)

8) Do you keep making bad decisions? (It’s more than a bad decision, it’s a bad habit. Learn how to break this vicious cycle and get your life on track)

9) Do you keep losing website traffic? (If you do then be prepared for it to keep happening unless you make these small changes)

10) Do you make these mistakes when choosing an investment property? (If so, then watch money literally go down the drain!)



· The “Reason Why” bullet

1) The reason why you shouldn’t read as many books as you do, and it’s not what you think.

2) The reason why you haven’t achieved your goals; and how to achieve them quicker than you can imagine.

3) The reason why you most likely failed your job interview.

4) The reason why you are constantly stuck in a rut and making no progress.

5) The real reason why you lack motivation.

6) The reason why you just don’t get stuff done (Hint: It hasn’t got to do with laziness)

7) The reason why your copywriting sucks a$$ – How to seduce people into your copy.

8) The simple reason why you should eat breakfast every morning.

9) The reason why you shouldn’t follow your passion.

10) The reason why winning the lottery will be the biggest mistake that you will make.



· The “Secrets of” Bullet

1) The secrets of building muscle rapidly.

2) The secrets to become a best-selling author (Even if your writing sucks)

3) The secrets to making money in your sleep.

4) The secrets to getting ANY job you want.

5) The secrets to getting the luxury life at a young age.

6) The secrets to getting anything you want in life.

7) The secrets to learn anything quickly.

8) The secrets that SEO pro’s use to quickly boost their website traffic.

9) The secrets that your competitors don’t want you to know about.

10) The secrets that you need to know if you want to live life to the maximum.



· The probing question bullet

1) Do you know that you lose hundreds of dollars on your tax return every year? Learn what you are doing wrong and how to fix it.

2) Do you know how to triple your sales by only changing a small section of your copy? If not, I’ll teach you the quick secret to accomplish this.

3) Do you know why you haven’t reached success in any area of your life?

4) Do you know that you can save thousands of hours by not doing any work?

5) Do you know that you are only one mistake away from making the wrong decision in your business?

6) Do you know that your dentist rips you off every time you go for the appointment?

7) Do you know that rich people became rich because they didn’t focus on money?

8) Do you know that you can save over $100,000 in real estate, by purchasing foreclosures?

9) Do you know that your current life situation is the result of all your past actions?

10) Do you know that building a business is easier than you think? (No it doesn’t not require massive risk)

 

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[LiveEntrepreneur]

I've also practiced the closing the sale part. I have a question is it a bad idea to use guilt in your copy? Like lets say what you say is true, that the client will regret it if they don't make the changes necessary to change their life.And your program offers the solution to this? Here is some ideas I had:

TRANSITIONAL CLOSING COPY (USE WITH EACH OF THE 5 CLOSING TEMPLATES)


1. “You Will Certainly Arrive” Close

With this program you will certainly arrive to your destination, it’s a 2-step process. You put in the work and you get massive results.


2. The “Different results” close

It was famously once said by Albert Einstein, “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result”. To change your life, you have to change your actions.

Start changing your actions today by buying “item”.


3. The “Crossroads” close

You are currently at the crossroads of your life, and you have a decision to make. Take the easy way and get out of whatever rut you’re in and change your life forever. Or stay on the endless journey to finding the answers that are close to impossible to find.


4. The “decision time” close

You are in the decision moment now, you have to get it right. Your choices are very simple; you can learn the easy way and avoid the mistakes and regrets that others endure. Or you can do the same thing that you do over and OVER, regret it forever, and never make any progress. The decision is yours. Make life easy and do it RIGHT, today!

 

[Bekit]

Oh my goodness... *applause* *applause* *applause* *applause* *applause* *applause*

In my opinion, these are a huge step-change from the bullets I was seeing before. Of course, it's all hypothetical... but I saw some really good copy in there. Plus - what a hustle! You didn't do just 5 of each, you doubled it and did 10 of each! In my opinion, just by having done this exercise once, you're going to be significantly better at copy. So let me go through and just add a couple of my comments... take them or leave them if they're not helpful.

10) Coffee in the morning is bad for your heart pressure, right? Wrong! Studies prove that one coffee a day is healthy for your heart.

Here I would change "Studies prove that one coffee a day is healthy for your heart" to something that conceals what the studies show. So something like "Learn what the most recent studies show, and how much coffee you should drink to optimize your heart health."

· The themed bullet

1) The 10 sleep depriving ideas that are keeping you from waking up effortlessly.

2) The 5 fail-proof ideas that will make you successful.

3) The 3 best times to post on Facebook to get the maximum impact for your business.

4) The 4 ways you are wasting [what?] and not even realizing it.

5) The top 5 items that are chewing your wallet away and how to get your savings back on track.

6) The 3 secrets to staying slim all year round, and why what you are doing is ineffective.

7) Why your New Year’s resolution is a waste of time and what you really should be doing to hit your goals, make impressive strides forward this year, and demolish the obstacles in your way.

8) The 3 deadly excuses that are destroying your life, without you even realizing it.

9) 5 life threatening foods that are greatly shortening your life span.

10) The 2 easy ideas that will rapidly boost your website traffic

For the themed sequence bullet, you'd typically see repeated bullet points that follow the theme that you've laid out. But these all seem to be on different themes. So maybe try taking one of the bullets above and treating it as the "umbrella topic" and then writing multiple bullets on that single theme underneath it.

By the way, if you expand the quote on this one, I made a few minor corrections of spelling & grammar, but there were many small errors & typos throughout the bullet points that I didn't correct. These bullets wouldn't be "publication ready" quite yet. Try using a free service such as Grammarly to catch the majority of these issues. The most frequent error I noticed was using a comma splice. Look up what a comma splice is and try to develop enough understanding so that you can recognize one whenever you see it, and learn all the available options to fix it. Example: This sentence contains a comma splice: "6) The 3 secrets to staying slim all year round, why what you are doing is ineffective."

Minor errors might not kill your copy's effectiveness, but they can act as a distraction, and they can also spell the difference between whether you or someone else gets hired for a job if there are other copywriters competing for the position. That said, don't beat yourself up too much over this. Many, if not most of these bullets are error free.

I also made one suggestion for how you could make one of the bullets stronger by adding some extra copy to it.

· The giveaway bullet

1) A chance to win $500 dollars!
2) The 5 FREE unstoppable tactics that will make you a master salesman

I don't think you've understood the giveaway bullet. It's not a "giveaway" of a prize. It's also not a promise that you will reveal certain tactics for free, but only AFTER they convert.

The giveaway bullet is one where you finally give away an actual insight (instead of concealing it behind teaser copy). It's where you simply give away GREAT, insightful information. You state the secret itself, rather than saying you have a secret and promising you'll reveal it if they take a certain action.

Example: Let's take fastlane/slowlane as the topic.

• Learn the CENTS formula that will instantly allow you to evaluate any business idea on the planet to see if it's a fastlane idea or not. <-- NOT a giveaway bullet

Giveaway bullets: --> Nobody has to read MJ's book to learn the CENTS formula. He is giving it away.
• #1: The Commandment of Control: As an entrepreneur, you want to control your business whereas no one entity can put you into bankruptcy.
• #2: The Commandment of Entry: The more difficult it is to start your business, the better the opportunity you have. The difficulty IS the opportunity.
• #3: The Commandment of Need: Fastlane Entrepreneurs are committed to providing value, fulfilling needs, and satisfying wants because they know it attracts money.
• #4: The Commandment of Time: Your business must be able to detach itself from your time. This is accomplished by creative inventions that exist separate from your time.
• #5: The Commandment of Scale: If you cannot sell 10,000 in one day and are limited in production and/or distribution, you will be limited in the amount of money you can earn.

· The reverse hook bullets

I don't think you've understood the reverse hook bullet either. It is defined as "a bullet that presents, first, an interesting fact, and then presents an unexpected benefit that arises from that interesting fact."

So - let's break that down. First, an interesting fact.
This fact should be something that you could hear on the news, or that you could read on Wikipedia, or that many people could measure and verify and come back with the same result. But it should be interesting. Like...
Andrew Carnegie was only 5'2" tall.
Cholesterol-free can be bad for your cholesterol.

Second, an unexpected benefit that arises from that interesting fact. So I'm making these up, but maybe...

• Andrew Carnegie was only 5'2" tall. His life contains a hidden pattern that any shorter guy can use to his advantage, and it has worked for everyone who has tried it.
• Cholesterol-free can be bad for your cholesterol. Why this means you can eat more of the things you love.

· The naked benefit bullet

These are not quite on target, either. The naked benefit bullet is a direct benefit claim that's supported by additional facts. So let's take MJ's books as the subject...examples might be...
• Alter your mindset for life - once you read this book, you'll never be able to go back to your old way of thinking.
• Build wealth faster - thanks to the proven concepts found in this book, you won't waste your time building things that will keep you broke

· The transactional bullet

These are good! The one thing I would have liked to have seen is a couple of bullets that explore other ideas besides just "minutes/hours of time." For instance...(again, these are made up, but...)

• Give up these five foods, and never worry again about getting sick or fat.
• Give me your sleepless nights and “dead moments” where you’re waiting in line, and I’ll hand you back a recipe that optimizes your success and increases your freedom

That's all I have to time to review in this amount of detail, but overall you're doing a fantastic job!

I've also practiced the closing the sale part. I have a question is it a bad idea to use guilt in your copy? Like lets say what you say is true, that the client will regret it if they don't make the changes necessary to change their life.And your program offers the solution to this?

Using guilt in your copy... you can, but should you? Many of the techniques in copywriting can be used for great evil as well as great good. This does not mean that copywriting itself is evil. It's the user who can make a choice of how to wield the power of persuasion. You can either manipulate someone to make a decision that is against their best interest (something I've written about here: Invest in Yourself is a Broad Topic) or you can use your power to motivate that person to do something that is beneficial and good for their lives. I hope you'll commit to only ever using copywriting for good purposes that benefit others.

So let's take the example you brought up. You're writing about a good product, and what you say is true, and the client will regret it if they don't make the changes that will transform their life.

Then it seems fair to use all the motivation and compelling arguments in your power to get them to take action. You could remind of the cost of inactivity. You could remind them of the future benefit that they'll receive if they take action. You could remind them of the pain that they're experiencing because of NOT solving the problem. That doesn't mean you're using guilt. You're just using good arguments.

But let's say that you're writing about a product that is not all that great, and your audience is full of weak, gullible, desperate people, and it's not in their best interest to spend money on the thing that's being sold, and you know that if you sprinkle in a little guilt, you'll get them. Well, that's just slimy.

So - I recommend that you exercise your own moral compass. Be the kind of copywriter who stands for something and won't write the kind of copy that would stop you from sleeping soundly at night. You're wielding a powerful weapon. A strong man's hand can either make a fist and cause destruction, or it can caress an infant's hair. The old saying goes that the pen is mightier than the sword. Wield it wisely.

 

[LiveEntrepreneur]

Oh my goodness... *applause* *applause* *applause* *applause* *applause* *applause*

In my opinion, these are a huge step-change from the bullets I was seeing before. Of course, it's all hypothetical... but I saw some really good copy in there. Plus - what a hustle! You didn't do just 5 of each, you doubled it and did 10 of each! In my opinion, just by having done this exercise once, you're going to be significantly better at copy. So let me go through and just add a couple of my comments... take them or leave them if they're not helpful.


Here I would change "Studies prove that one coffee a day is healthy for your heart" to something that conceals what the studies show. So something like "Learn what the most recent studies show, and how much coffee you should drink to optimize your heart health."



For the themed sequence bullet, you'd typically see repeated bullet points that follow the theme that you've laid out. But these all seem to be on different themes. So maybe try taking one of the bullets above and treating it as the "umbrella topic" and then writing multiple bullets on that single theme underneath it.

By the way, if you expand the quote on this one, I made a few minor corrections of spelling & grammar, but there were many small errors & typos throughout the bullet points that I didn't correct. These bullets wouldn't be "publication ready" quite yet. Try using a free service such as Grammarly to catch the majority of these issues. The most frequent error I noticed was using a comma splice. Look up what a comma splice is and try to develop enough understanding so that you can recognize one whenever you see it, and learn all the available options to fix it. Example: This sentence contains a comma splice: "6) The 3 secrets to staying slim all year round, why what you are doing is ineffective."

Minor errors might not kill your copy's effectiveness, but they can act as a distraction, and they can also spell the difference between whether you or someone else gets hired for a job if there are other copywriters competing for the position. That said, don't beat yourself up too much over this. Many, if not most of these bullets are error free.

I also made one suggestion for how you could make one of the bullets stronger by adding some extra copy to it.



I don't think you've understood the giveaway bullet. It's not a "giveaway" of a prize. It's also not a promise that you will reveal certain tactics for free, but only AFTER they convert.

The giveaway bullet is one where you finally give away an actual insight (instead of concealing it behind teaser copy). It's where you simply give away GREAT, insightful information. You state the secret itself, rather than saying you have a secret and promising you'll reveal it if they take a certain action.

Example: Let's take fastlane/slowlane as the topic.

• Learn the CENTS formula that will instantly allow you to evaluate any business idea on the planet to see if it's a fastlane idea or not. <-- NOT a giveaway bullet

Giveaway bullets: --> Nobody has to read MJ's book to learn the CENTS formula. He is giving it away.
• #1: The Commandment of Control: As an entrepreneur, you want to control your business whereas no one entity can put you into bankruptcy.
• #2: The Commandment of Entry: The more difficult it is to start your business, the better the opportunity you have. The difficulty IS the opportunity.
• #3: The Commandment of Need: Fastlane Entrepreneurs are committed to providing value, fulfilling needs, and satisfying wants because they know it attracts money.
• #4: The Commandment of Time: Your business must be able to detach itself from your time. This is accomplished by creative inventions that exist separate from your time.
• #5: The Commandment of Scale: If you cannot sell 10,000 in one day and are limited in production and/or distribution, you will be limited in the amount of money you can earn.


I don't think you've understood the reverse hook bullet either. It is defined as "a bullet that presents, first, an interesting fact, and then presents an unexpected benefit that arises from that interesting fact."

So - let's break that down. First, an interesting fact.
This fact should be something that you could hear on the news, or that you could read on Wikipedia, or that many people could measure and verify and come back with the same result. But it should be interesting. Like...
Andrew Carnegie was only 5'2" tall.
Cholesterol-free can be bad for your cholesterol.

Second, an unexpected benefit that arises from that interesting fact. So I'm making these up, but maybe...

• Andrew Carnegie was only 5'2" tall. His life contains a hidden pattern that any shorter guy can use to his advantage, and it has worked for everyone who has tried it.
• Cholesterol-free can be bad for your cholesterol. Why this means you can eat more of the things you love.

These are not quite on target, either. The naked benefit bullet is a direct benefit claim that's supported by additional facts. So let's take MJ's books as the subject...examples might be...
• Alter your mindset for life - once you read this book, you'll never be able to go back to your old way of thinking.
• Build wealth faster - thanks to the proven concepts found in this book, you won't waste your time building things that will keep you broke


These are good! The one thing I would have liked to have seen is a couple of bullets that explore other ideas besides just "minutes/hours of time." For instance...(again, these are made up, but...)

• Give up these five foods, and never worry again about getting sick or fat.
• Give me your sleepless nights and “dead moments” where you’re waiting in line, and I’ll hand you back a recipe that optimizes your success and increases your freedom

That's all I have to time to review in this amount of detail, but overall you're doing a fantastic job!



Using guilt in your copy... you can, but should you? Many of the techniques in copywriting can be used for great evil as well as great good. This does not mean that copywriting itself is evil. It's the user who can make a choice of how to wield the power of persuasion. You can either manipulate someone to make a decision that is against their best interest (something I've written about here: Invest in Yourself is a Broad Topic) or you can use your power to motivate that person to do something that is beneficial and good for their lives. I hope you'll commit to only ever using copywriting for good purposes that benefit others.

So let's take the example you brought up. You're writing about a good product, and what you say is true, and the client will regret it if they don't make the changes that will transform their life.

Then it seems fair to use all the motivation and compelling arguments in your power to get them to take action. You could remind of the cost of inactivity. You could remind them of the future benefit that they'll receive if they take action. You could remind them of the pain that they're experiencing because of NOT solving the problem. That doesn't mean you're using guilt. You're just using good arguments.

But let's say that you're writing about a product that is not all that great, and your audience is full of weak, gullible, desperate people, and it's not in their best interest to spend money on the thing that's being sold, and you know that if you sprinkle in a little guilt, you'll get them. Well, that's just slimy.

So - I recommend that you exercise your own moral compass. Be the kind of copywriter who stands for something and won't write the kind of copy that would stop you from sleeping soundly at night. You're wielding a powerful weapon. A strong man's hand can either make a fist and cause destruction, or it can caress an infant's hair. The old saying goes that the pen is mightier than the sword. Wield it wisely.

Thanks a bunch for the feedback, I'll look into fixing these bullet points. With the grammar that was intential, I was more focused on the words but maybe I should I should practice good grammar to make it a habit.

 

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[yyes]

Why doesn't Udemy already use "Learn to Earn?" Because it doesn't reflect their core audience - people who want to learn for the sake of learning.

@Lex DeVille
Lex, for the Udemy Copy, is it really a bad idea to use the above headline? I was under the impression that a company can make multiple ads, all targeted at different audiences.

So if someone were to google 'learn to earn' this Udemy Landing Page would pop up since this page would be targeted at people interested in learning a certain skill to make money.

What am I missing here?

 

[Lex DeVille]

@Lex DeVille
Lex, for the Udemy Copy, is it really a bad idea to use the above headline? I was under the impression that a company can make multiple ads, all targeted at different audiences.

So if someone were to google 'learn to earn' this Udemy Landing Page would pop up since this page would be targeted at people interested in learning a certain skill to make money.

What am I missing here?

The only thing missing is that the page with that headline isn't a landing page. It's Udemy's homepage. If it were a landing page running ads to a targeted audience who want to make money then it would probably work pretty well.

On that note, "Learn to Earn" still probably won't work well if Udemy is running ads to targeted skills. "Learn to Earn" won't work as well as "Learn to Make Money Copywriting" if they're targeting people who want to make money writing copy.

 

[LiveEntrepreneur]

The only thing missing is that the page with that headline isn't a landing page. It's Udemy's homepage. If it were a landing page running ads to a targeted audience who want to make money then it would probably work pretty well.

On that note, "Learn to Earn" still probably won't work well if Udemy is running ads to targeted skills. "Learn to Earn" won't work as well as "Learn to Make Money Copywriting" if they're targeting people who want to make money writing copy.

That makes sense.

 

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[LiveEntrepreneur]

I

Oh my goodness... *applause* *applause* *applause* *applause* *applause* *applause*

In my opinion, these are a huge step-change from the bullets I was seeing before. Of course, it's all hypothetical... but I saw some really good copy in there. Plus - what a hustle! You didn't do just 5 of each, you doubled it and did 10 of each! In my opinion, just by having done this exercise once, you're going to be significantly better at copy. So let me go through and just add a couple of my comments... take them or leave them if they're not helpful.


Here I would change "Studies prove that one coffee a day is healthy for your heart" to something that conceals what the studies show. So something like "Learn what the most recent studies show, and how much coffee you should drink to optimize your heart health."



For the themed sequence bullet, you'd typically see repeated bullet points that follow the theme that you've laid out. But these all seem to be on different themes. So maybe try taking one of the bullets above and treating it as the "umbrella topic" and then writing multiple bullets on that single theme underneath it.

By the way, if you expand the quote on this one, I made a few minor corrections of spelling & grammar, but there were many small errors & typos throughout the bullet points that I didn't correct. These bullets wouldn't be "publication ready" quite yet. Try using a free service such as Grammarly to catch the majority of these issues. The most frequent error I noticed was using a comma splice. Look up what a comma splice is and try to develop enough understanding so that you can recognize one whenever you see it, and learn all the available options to fix it. Example: This sentence contains a comma splice: "6) The 3 secrets to staying slim all year round, why what you are doing is ineffective."

Minor errors might not kill your copy's effectiveness, but they can act as a distraction, and they can also spell the difference between whether you or someone else gets hired for a job if there are other copywriters competing for the position. That said, don't beat yourself up too much over this. Many, if not most of these bullets are error free.

I also made one suggestion for how you could make one of the bullets stronger by adding some extra copy to it.



I don't think you've understood the giveaway bullet. It's not a "giveaway" of a prize. It's also not a promise that you will reveal certain tactics for free, but only AFTER they convert.

The giveaway bullet is one where you finally give away an actual insight (instead of concealing it behind teaser copy). It's where you simply give away GREAT, insightful information. You state the secret itself, rather than saying you have a secret and promising you'll reveal it if they take a certain action.

Example: Let's take fastlane/slowlane as the topic.

• Learn the CENTS formula that will instantly allow you to evaluate any business idea on the planet to see if it's a fastlane idea or not. <-- NOT a giveaway bullet

Giveaway bullets: --> Nobody has to read MJ's book to learn the CENTS formula. He is giving it away.
• #1: The Commandment of Control: As an entrepreneur, you want to control your business whereas no one entity can put you into bankruptcy.
• #2: The Commandment of Entry: The more difficult it is to start your business, the better the opportunity you have. The difficulty IS the opportunity.
• #3: The Commandment of Need: Fastlane Entrepreneurs are committed to providing value, fulfilling needs, and satisfying wants because they know it attracts money.
• #4: The Commandment of Time: Your business must be able to detach itself from your time. This is accomplished by creative inventions that exist separate from your time.
• #5: The Commandment of Scale: If you cannot sell 10,000 in one day and are limited in production and/or distribution, you will be limited in the amount of money you can earn.


I don't think you've understood the reverse hook bullet either. It is defined as "a bullet that presents, first, an interesting fact, and then presents an unexpected benefit that arises from that interesting fact."

So - let's break that down. First, an interesting fact.
This fact should be something that you could hear on the news, or that you could read on Wikipedia, or that many people could measure and verify and come back with the same result. But it should be interesting. Like...
Andrew Carnegie was only 5'2" tall.
Cholesterol-free can be bad for your cholesterol.

Second, an unexpected benefit that arises from that interesting fact. So I'm making these up, but maybe...

• Andrew Carnegie was only 5'2" tall. His life contains a hidden pattern that any shorter guy can use to his advantage, and it has worked for everyone who has tried it.
• Cholesterol-free can be bad for your cholesterol. Why this means you can eat more of the things you love.

These are not quite on target, either. The naked benefit bullet is a direct benefit claim that's supported by additional facts. So let's take MJ's books as the subject...examples might be...
• Alter your mindset for life - once you read this book, you'll never be able to go back to your old way of thinking.
• Build wealth faster - thanks to the proven concepts found in this book, you won't waste your time building things that will keep you broke


These are good! The one thing I would have liked to have seen is a couple of bullets that explore other ideas besides just "minutes/hours of time." For instance...(again, these are made up, but...)

• Give up these five foods, and never worry again about getting sick or fat.
• Give me your sleepless nights and “dead moments” where you’re waiting in line, and I’ll hand you back a recipe that optimizes your success and increases your freedom

That's all I have to time to review in this amount of detail, but overall you're doing a fantastic job!



Using guilt in your copy... you can, but should you? Many of the techniques in copywriting can be used for great evil as well as great good. This does not mean that copywriting itself is evil. It's the user who can make a choice of how to wield the power of persuasion. You can either manipulate someone to make a decision that is against their best interest (something I've written about here: Invest in Yourself is a Broad Topic) or you can use your power to motivate that person to do something that is beneficial and good for their lives. I hope you'll commit to only ever using copywriting for good purposes that benefit others.

So let's take the example you brought up. You're writing about a good product, and what you say is true, and the client will regret it if they don't make the changes that will transform their life.

Then it seems fair to use all the motivation and compelling arguments in your power to get them to take action. You could remind of the cost of inactivity. You could remind them of the future benefit that they'll receive if they take action. You could remind them of the pain that they're experiencing because of NOT solving the problem. That doesn't mean you're using guilt. You're just using good arguments.

But let's say that you're writing about a product that is not all that great, and your audience is full of weak, gullible, desperate people, and it's not in their best interest to spend money on the thing that's being sold, and you know that if you sprinkle in a little guilt, you'll get them. Well, that's just slimy.

So - I recommend that you exercise your own moral compass. Be the kind of copywriter who stands for something and won't write the kind of copy that would stop you from sleeping soundly at night. You're wielding a powerful weapon. A strong man's hand can either make a fist and cause destruction, or it can caress an infant's hair. The old saying goes that the pen is mightier than the sword. Wield it wisely.

I tried to practice the giveaway bullet but having problems with it. Before I write more was wondering if I am on the right track? Also (update) did the reverse hook bullet and the naked benefit.

Giveaway bullet



1) Copywriting is the secret weapon that people use to become millionaires. Learn how you can also become the next copywriting millionaire, without busting your a$$ off.

2) The stock market won’t make you rich, but starting a Fastlane business will. Learn for free how to become a millionaire.

3) Passive income in the secret to becoming a millionaire today. Learn what you can do today to live the life of your dreams.

4) Guru’s don’t care about you, but they do care about your wallet. Learn to stop falling for the guru traps.

5) Yes, real estate will make you rich over 30 years, but a Fastlane business will make you rich in less than 10 years. What is your choice?






Reverse hook bullet

1) Having bad grades means you will perform poorly in school. But it does not dictate your future, as you can change whenever you like.

2) If you are lazy then you tend to get less done. This is great as you simplify your life through efficiency.

3) Workaholics tend to burn themselves out quickly. Learn why being a workaholic is great for your work ethic, and why you will succeed

4) Thomas Edison made 10,000 attempts before he was successful. Learn why failure is a beautiful thing and why you should embrace it.

5) Coke is one of the worst foods for your health. Though it cleans rust like a champ. Learn how to maintain your home with coke.




Naked benefit bullet

1) How to make millions while still in bed and taking no risk!

2) How to run a successful eCommerce business and make millions without ANY inventory.

3) How to effortlessly fall asleep without the need of any supplements.

4) Make money immediately with ASO. Learn the secrets to nailing your app store listing.

5) Learn how to learn rapidly – After reading this book you would have wished that you discovered it 10 years ago.

 

[Bekit]

I

I tried to practice the giveaway bullet but having problems with it. Before I write more was wondering if I am on the right track? Also (update) did the reverse hook bullet and the naked benefit.

Giveaway bullet



1) Copywriting is the secret weapon that people use to become millionaires. Learn how you can also become the next copywriting millionaire, without busting your a$$ off.

2) The stock market won’t make you rich, but starting a Fastlane business will. Learn for free how to become a millionaire.

3) Passive income in the secret to becoming a millionaire today. Learn what you can do today to live the life of your dreams.

4) Guru’s don’t care about you, but they do care about your wallet. Learn to stop falling for the guru traps.

5) Yes, real estate will make you rich over 30 years, but a Fastlane business will make you rich in less than 10 years. What is your choice?






Reverse hook bullet

1) Having bad grades means you will perform poorly in school. But it does not dictate your future, as you can change whenever you like.

2) If you are lazy then you tend to get less done. This is great as you simplify your life through efficiency.

3) Workaholics tend to burn themselves out quickly. Learn why being a workaholic is great for your work ethic, and why you will succeed

4) Thomas Edison made 10,000 attempts before he was successful. Learn why failure is a beautiful thing and why you should embrace it.

5) Coke is one of the worst foods for your health. Though it cleans rust like a champ. Learn how to maintain your home with coke.




Naked benefit bullet

1) How to make millions while still in bed and taking no risk!

2) How to run a successful eCommerce business and make millions without ANY inventory.

3) How to effortlessly fall asleep without the need of any supplements.

4) Make money immediately with ASO. Learn the secrets to nailing your app store listing.

5) Learn how to learn rapidly – After reading this book you would have wished that you discovered it 10 years ago.

Your reverse hook bullets look good. I like how you came up with some counter-intuitive topics there. Nice job.

Your naked benefit bullets also look good.

Your giveaway bullets still aren't giving anything away. Let's take this one as an example and break it down:

"Guru’s don’t care about you, but they do care about your wallet. Learn to stop falling for the guru traps."

Does this reveal or conceal what the guru traps are? It conceals it. You know that there ARE guru traps out there, but you don't know how to stop falling for them just by reading the bullet. A giveaway bullet would actually reveal the ways to stop falling for the traps.

Maybe a series of giveaway bullets on this topic would be...

• Trap #1: Fake gurus share what worked for them, but they did it years ago, before the market was saturated. Don't expect that following their methods will work equally well in a crowded market.
• Trap #2: Fake gurus show you screenshots of their income, but they don't show you how much they spent to get those screenshots. People with deep pockets can spend thousands of dollars on facebook ads or google adwords, and then show you climactic results that people on a tiny budget could never attain.
• Trap #3: Fake gurus promise that "anybody can do this, even without an idea or any expertise." But the truth is that in order to make money in business, you need to solve a business problem, and most gurus will never help their clients to come up with a high-quality, money-making idea, because that's a lot of hard work.

Think of the giveaway bullet as just "sharing the facts" or as "spilling the beans" - you're giving away a little piece of what you could legitimately save for your paid product, but you're revealing it ahead of time. Part of the point is to make people think to themselves, "If what they're giving away is this good, then what kind of gold must they have in the paid product?" and that incentivizes the purchase.

 

[LiveEntrepreneur]

Your reverse hook bullets look good. I like how you came up with some counter-intuitive topics there. Nice job.

Your naked benefit bullets also look good.

Your giveaway bullets still aren't giving anything away. Let's take this one as an example and break it down:

"Guru’s don’t care about you, but they do care about your wallet. Learn to stop falling for the guru traps."

Does this reveal or conceal what the guru traps are? It conceals it. You know that there ARE guru traps out there, but you don't know how to stop falling for them just by reading the bullet. A giveaway bullet would actually reveal the ways to stop falling for the traps.

Maybe a series of giveaway bullets on this topic would be...

• Trap #1: Fake gurus share what worked for them, but they did it years ago, before the market was saturated. Don't expect that following their methods will work equally well in a crowded market.
• Trap #2: Fake gurus show you screenshots of their income, but they don't show you how much they spent to get those screenshots. People with deep pockets can spend thousands of dollars on facebook ads or google adwords, and then show you climactic results that people on a tiny budget could never attain.
• Trap #3: Fake gurus promise that "anybody can do this, even without an idea or any expertise." But the truth is that in order to make money in business, you need to solve a business problem, and most gurus will never help their clients to come up with a high-quality, money-making idea, because that's a lot of hard work.

Think of the giveaway bullet as just "sharing the facts" or as "spilling the beans" - you're giving away a little piece of what you could legitimately save for your paid product, but you're revealing it ahead of time. Part of the point is to make people think to themselves, "If what they're giving away is this good, then what kind of gold must they have in the paid product?" and that incentivizes the purchase.

Thank you, it's starting to make sense. The giveaway is a bit challenging for me. I am trying to see the "giveaway" in your examples, I can't see it well, which works reveal the "giveaway" ?.

Like in this one : "Fake gurus share what worked for them, but they did it years ago, before the market was saturated. Don't expect that following their methods will work equally well in a crowded market."

Wouldn't the giveaway state what tactic they used?

 

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