biophase
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This is a post that I've been thinking about writing for a long time. To me, I think that gaining an internal confidence and external motivation was a huge catalyst in becoming successful. I've had this conversation with a few people on this forum. I've never put it into words, so I'd like to hear what everyone's opinion is on it.
Internal or External Confidence
I believe that people gain confidence in two ways, internal or external. External confidence is the confidence that you get from outside sources.
For example, You pull up to the club in a Ferrari and you know that the hot girl saw you get out of the car. Now you have the confidence to walk up to her and ask her out. The confidence that you had came from your Ferrari, an external source. The test is, would you have done the same thing if you showed up in a regular car, or got dropped off in an Uber?
This is external confidence. My opinion is that people that strive for this will consistently need these "things" to keep giving you confidence boosters. It's a never ending cycle. Because the confidence is fleeting. You walk into the club and nobody inside saw your Ferrari, so now your confidence sinks back to its base level.
Internal confidence comes from knowing yourself. You know who you are and it doesn't matter if you are dressed in sweats and pull up in a bicycle. You still act the same, you still ask that girl out. Because, who cares what other people think. You know who you are. When you have this, you act the same everywhere you go. You carry your confidence and nobody can take it from you.
Once you get this, the world opens up because you can hold your own anywhere. It's tough to explain, but everyone else is just a regular person now. There's no acting like a fanboy when meeting Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos (just examples, I've never met either of them).
I noticed this difference in me and some of my friends. My house basically has no furniture. I've been living in it since 2007. I finally got a nice new bedroom set after I remodeled the inside. My friend said, your room looks modern now. Don't you feel better waking up to a nicer looking bedroom? I told him no. It does nothing for me. I only got new furniture because my interior designer friend said that you can't live like a college kid anymore.
Some of my friends need their homes to feel nice, to wear nice clothes, drive a nice car, to feel more confident. I'm not saying I don't notice the nice stuff. I like nice cars. But I just had never gotten that confidence boost driving my car. I'm sure @MJ DeMarco can relate, so many times when I arrived at where I was going, I wished I brought the other car. In fact, I felt the opposite, embarrassed sometimes. It's ironic that the car actually took my confidence away. But that was before, I don't feel that way anymore. I'll drive my car anywhere and park it in the tightest spaces and not give a f*ck.
Internal or External Motivation
Now when it comes down to motivation, it is the opposite. Internal motivation to me is alot of self talk and self promises. The problem with it is that it is easy to give up on yourself.
"I want to make $200k a year so that I can get a Ferrari". That's a great motivator, but there is no teeth to that statement. You may want a Ferrari at the time that you make that declaration, but do you still feel the same way 2 months from now?
In two months, someone tells you, I will give you $200k if you climb Mt. Everest. Well climbing Everest is pretty hard and painful and you could die. Now you begin to rethink your motivation. Do I really want that Ferrari bad enough that I would do something that has a chance of death. Nah... f*ck the Ferrari, I don't want it that bad, I want to live.
Yeah, I know that is an extreme example. But the point is that you can easily self talk yourself into losing motivation if it is an internal goal. You want to be muscular and ripped? Nah... this pizza just looks too good.
So what is external motivation? Well let's say that you need to make $200k because a family member needs an operation to save his life. Now, someone tells you, I will give you $200k if you climb Mt. Everest. Now you think, all I need to do is climb Everest to save his life? Let's do it.
Your motivation is coming from the need to save a life. With this type of motivation, it is very hard to give up. This is why I tell my friends and my past clients to find an external motivator. Align that motivation into the business if you can. You cannot fail this way because it is almost impossible to give up.
Internal or External Confidence
I believe that people gain confidence in two ways, internal or external. External confidence is the confidence that you get from outside sources.
For example, You pull up to the club in a Ferrari and you know that the hot girl saw you get out of the car. Now you have the confidence to walk up to her and ask her out. The confidence that you had came from your Ferrari, an external source. The test is, would you have done the same thing if you showed up in a regular car, or got dropped off in an Uber?
This is external confidence. My opinion is that people that strive for this will consistently need these "things" to keep giving you confidence boosters. It's a never ending cycle. Because the confidence is fleeting. You walk into the club and nobody inside saw your Ferrari, so now your confidence sinks back to its base level.
Internal confidence comes from knowing yourself. You know who you are and it doesn't matter if you are dressed in sweats and pull up in a bicycle. You still act the same, you still ask that girl out. Because, who cares what other people think. You know who you are. When you have this, you act the same everywhere you go. You carry your confidence and nobody can take it from you.
Once you get this, the world opens up because you can hold your own anywhere. It's tough to explain, but everyone else is just a regular person now. There's no acting like a fanboy when meeting Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos (just examples, I've never met either of them).
I noticed this difference in me and some of my friends. My house basically has no furniture. I've been living in it since 2007. I finally got a nice new bedroom set after I remodeled the inside. My friend said, your room looks modern now. Don't you feel better waking up to a nicer looking bedroom? I told him no. It does nothing for me. I only got new furniture because my interior designer friend said that you can't live like a college kid anymore.
Some of my friends need their homes to feel nice, to wear nice clothes, drive a nice car, to feel more confident. I'm not saying I don't notice the nice stuff. I like nice cars. But I just had never gotten that confidence boost driving my car. I'm sure @MJ DeMarco can relate, so many times when I arrived at where I was going, I wished I brought the other car. In fact, I felt the opposite, embarrassed sometimes. It's ironic that the car actually took my confidence away. But that was before, I don't feel that way anymore. I'll drive my car anywhere and park it in the tightest spaces and not give a f*ck.
Internal or External Motivation
Now when it comes down to motivation, it is the opposite. Internal motivation to me is alot of self talk and self promises. The problem with it is that it is easy to give up on yourself.
"I want to make $200k a year so that I can get a Ferrari". That's a great motivator, but there is no teeth to that statement. You may want a Ferrari at the time that you make that declaration, but do you still feel the same way 2 months from now?
In two months, someone tells you, I will give you $200k if you climb Mt. Everest. Well climbing Everest is pretty hard and painful and you could die. Now you begin to rethink your motivation. Do I really want that Ferrari bad enough that I would do something that has a chance of death. Nah... f*ck the Ferrari, I don't want it that bad, I want to live.
Yeah, I know that is an extreme example. But the point is that you can easily self talk yourself into losing motivation if it is an internal goal. You want to be muscular and ripped? Nah... this pizza just looks too good.
So what is external motivation? Well let's say that you need to make $200k because a family member needs an operation to save his life. Now, someone tells you, I will give you $200k if you climb Mt. Everest. Now you think, all I need to do is climb Everest to save his life? Let's do it.
Your motivation is coming from the need to save a life. With this type of motivation, it is very hard to give up. This is why I tell my friends and my past clients to find an external motivator. Align that motivation into the business if you can. You cannot fail this way because it is almost impossible to give up.
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