How to get over a girl...quickly?

[Lights]

I broken up with a guy a few days ago. It was sad but it was something I HAD to do, otherwise I would be trap in an unhappy relationship down the road. It hurts, but it gets better with time.


Time will really heal this, give it 4 months, and if time doesn't heal this... you're in love. And maybe you should consider going back with her?

 

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[Lights]

So...I moved out (a few miles down the road) in a month to month, small, studio apartment. Her best friend took over my lease. We still communicate, just much less frequently. There are more details to the original story, which I haven't felt compelled to post. We are sort of at a kind-of-friends, kind-of-dating stage of weirdness. I don't really mind it, as a lot of pressure is off my back. However, I know it can't last and is probably not healthy.

The weird thing, as soon as we decided to end it, I felt relieved. All of a sudden, there was a lot less pressure on me to do things I didn't necessarily want to do (get married, have children, etc.). Also, the fact that I have a limited amount of time to give her also makes things less stressful. There are times I do miss her, or feel like I want her back, but they are fleeting feelings. I also feel excitement at the thought of dating new women and meeting new people. So I'm not really sure what the hell is going on with me.

For the record, she sort of gave me a marriage ultimatum even though her divorce isn't finalized. She's been trying to get divorced for the last 3.5+ years. So I felt that was extremely messed up, and I felt that I had been extremely patient in waiting to finalize her divorce. The fact that she wasn't divorced yet bothered me. She told me it wasn't so much an ultimatum as much as it was just her wanting to know where we headed. She also wanted to know if we could have a baby in the next 1.5-3 years. I took as a "get married or get the F out" sort of thing.

You don't truely love her. That's not a bad thing. If you love her you would want her regardless of any illogical reasoning because love makes you do stupid/unwanted things. You feel relieve... which is a good sign.

You'll be fine in a month or two, see another woman fast. You're in reboud, which means you have a huge wanting/void in your heart to be with her, just to fill that inside you. I am going through that right now.

If I was you, I wouldn't be with her either. I wouldn't want to deal with a kid unless she can support it 100% without my money. That would be reason enough. But then I wouldn't be with a guy who had a kid, and couldn't support the child... not my type of situation to be in.

Find someone you could be 100% happy with, but don't waste too much time either... love can happen anywhere.

 

[Kak]

I never should have pushed "view post" on those 2. uke:

 

[GravyBoat]

Oh you should listen to the spammer, they are usually really bright people

It was probably his old girlfriend on a fake account

 

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[Tregan]

"I'm working on a business idea, and want to put my full efforts into this (I also have a day job). I don't want my relationship (or lack there of) to hinder my progress. And I also want the pain and suffering to go away quickly."

Jason,

I wish you well man but remember this...businesses and money come and go but relationships and family last forever. Love is the greatest power in the universe, don't make any decisions that you'll regret on your deathbed.

Best of luck!
T.R.

 

[GravyBoat]

don't make any decisions that you'll regret on your deathbed.

IMO getting tied down before you yourself are stable (and know what you want to do) is a decision I'd regret on my deathbed.

 

[Tregan]

IMO getting tied down before you yourself are stable (and know what you want to do) is a decision I'd regret on my deathbed.

Yeah it can.

 

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[DennisD]

It was probably his old girlfriend on a fake account

woah, resurrected a 2 year old thread.

It'd be nice to turn this thread into some sort of learning experience for people in the future. For years to come relationships will continue to be a tough thing to get past.

Maybe @JasonR can give everybody an update on how things worked out, how he feels, his happiness level, etc....

 

[JasonR]

LOL @ This thread.

It worked out. She's not married, but I'm not with her.

I moved to Scottsdale.

And, well, you guys have read the thread.

I'm just not at a point I want to settle down yet, anyways. I have sh!t to do and a business to build.

The best way for me to get over a girl, is to get on top of the next one. LOL

 

[GravyBoat]

The best way for me to get over a girl, is to get on top of the next one.

These are words every young man in this situation should hear. I apologize about the thread, we can let it rest at that.

Best of luck to all!

Dave

 

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[RogueInnovation]

This is the usual stuff to do (below)

Delete all contact details you have for her.
Remove all items that you bought together etc and either sell them or throw them away.
Change location or whatever needed so you don't run into her again and you have a fresh start.
Get a new haircut.
Spend time in a great new hobby.
Cut of thoughts that lead into her and focus on other things instead.
No sad or sappy music, just pump happy and cool tunes.
Stay off the computer and get active, and exercise, hike etc.
Resist forms of instant gratification, start a new diet, or whatever other thing.
A few months down the line, start helping people and be generous and do not mention your issues.

Once you feel balanced, then see what happens naturally with any girls around etc etc etc

From the looks of it you did just fine.

 

[IceCreamKid]

The best way for me to get over a girl, is to get on top of the next one. LOL

Me and my ladies chillin' at the ice cream shop. Sippin' on bottled milk in our Radio Flyer wagons as we roll around lookin' cool in the streets of Candy Land.

http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/F*ck_c7053f_2543706.jpg

 

[yveskleinsky]

I'm working on a business idea, and want to put my full efforts into this (I also have a day job). I don't want my relationship (or lack there of) to hinder my progress. And I also want the pain and suffering to go away quickly.

So...any advice!?

To all those who tell you that you are being selfish, I disagree completely. The most unselfish thing you can do is to cut her loose. It would be way more selfish to marry her and have a kid just because you want her to stay, knowing that you aren't willing or able to commit the time or desire needed to her, a relationship or a child right now. Although realize, that having a relationship and building a business doesn' t have to be an either or proposition. You can do both--people do it all the time. I think the real question here is she one of "the ones" out there for you? (I believe there is more than just ONE person out there for us.) Also keep in mind that there is a different between loving someone, being in love with someone and being in love with the right type of person, for the right type of reasons at the right time in your life. That latter is the ideal trifecta worth pursuing. Perhaps you are using the business as an excuse to yourself to cut bait and move on?

The pain and suffering part, well, that just takes time and distractions. Pour that energy into something more constructive. Sometimes it can help to go meet a handful of women, just so you realize that there are more fish in the pond.

...And I just noticed this original post is ancient. Oh well. Best of luck to you and this next chapter in your life!

 

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[SteveO]

Also keep in mind that there is a different between loving someone, being in love with someone and being in love with the right type of person, for the right type of reasons at the right time in your life.

Love is something that we should have for everyone. It is a misapplied label when it comes to relationships. Caring, mutual respect, ability to have fun together. These are ingredients that are helpful in relationships. Good sex helps as well.

I have been married three times so not really a person to go to for advice in these matters. But each relationship has taught me many things and I am happy to have had them.

 

[smarty]

How to get over it? Just get over it. What you experience with one girl, you can experience with most girls. The key here is to detach any emotions from her, move on and date other girls. Don't wait, don't hang on. Don't pause your life
Don't text her, don't call her, do NOTHING. Ever. Never. Ever. Did I say NEVER? If she contacts you after a few weeks or months, assume she wants to see you and arrange an instant date. Hang out, Have fun, Hook up.
No relationship talks, none of that. At the end of the date, go for the kiss. If she rejects that, you're in the friend zone and you must NEVER go out as friends with her again. Make it clear to her that you're not interested on "being friends" bullshit

 

[yveskleinsky]

Love is something that we should have for everyone. It is a misapplied label when it comes to relationships. Caring, mutual respect, ability to have fun together. These are ingredients that are helpful in relationships. Good sex helps as well.

I have been married three times so not really a person to go to for advice in these matters. But each relationship has taught me many things and I am happy to have had them.

Yeah, don't get me wrong. Life is so much easier for everyone involved if we can approach people with love and understanding. A downside to the English langague, and perhaps in an around about way one of the causes of a lot of unhappy relationships, is that we only have one word for love. We love our dog, we love our kids, we love our new sweater, we love our spouse. All these are different types of love, but are described in the same way by the same word. Each of my relationships I've had with people (even pets and clothes) has also taught me many things, I am also very thankful and happy that I've had them. My only regrets are that I wish I would have had had more clarity and insight on my part as I inadvertently hurt some really good people.

 

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[SteveO]

My only regrets are that I wish I would have had had more clarity and insight on my part as I inadvertently hurt some really good people.

Those really good people probably learned a lot in their relations with you as well. You did not hurt anyone unless you stomped on their foot. You should not have any regrets for your experiences.

 

[yveskleinsky]

Those really good people probably learned a lot in their relations with you as well. You did not hurt anyone unless you stomped on their foot. You should not have any regrets for your experiences.

No, I never stomped on anyone's foot, at least not intentionally. I really hope they learned a lot too, and don't regret the experience. ...And you're right about not regretting experiences. We are we who are at different points in our lives--for good, bad or indifferent. All I can do is own my actions and do better next time.

 

[Worldisyours]

Some really really soft replies here.

There is a saying

"She knows Best, rents an apartment, leases a toyota"


Man up and focus on your life.

 

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[Heisenberg]

Bang other girls

 

[jon.a]

Bang other girls

Well, you sure are going to be a hoot. Dude, some things just don't need to be said.

 

[Heisenberg]

Well, you sure are going to be a hoot. Dude, some things just don't need to be said.

 

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[Mr. Tycoon]

Well...long story short, my girlfriend and I have decided to end things (she wants to marry me and have a kid, and at 27 I'm just not ready for that, but I do love her). That's not a good enough answer for her (she's 29), and wants to end it. I'm moving out into my own place this weekend.

So far nothing has really sunk in yet, but when it does I know it will suck. I'm just trying to see if anyone has some insight and experience to help me as I go through this. I'm working on a business idea, and want to put my full efforts into this (I also have a day job). I don't want my relationship (or lack there of) to hinder my progress. And I also want the pain and suffering to go away quickly.

So...any advice!?

Yes..
Just go on dates with different girls ..or go find other girlfriend.
Just go as soon as possible,like next week.
Easy job..

 

[frieden70]

So...any advice!?

Yeah, stop liking girls. Boys are WAY easier .

This is why I don't deal with them (well, and plenty of other reasons but I digresses)

In all seriousness though, there's not much you can do but simply let shot happen and let time heal wounds.

I think it's super important to have a partner that understands and is supportive. I totally get not being ready for marriage and all that at this point in your life.

Hope everything works out for you!

 

[GravyBoat]

@JasonR
Dude I'm so sorry for resurrecting this

 

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[Stubbers]

The easiest way is to wait 21 months then just as you are over her someone reminds you about her, then someone else, then someone else.... Then me ...

Out of interest what was the best way to get over her?

 

[Nur]

28 and married and i can tell you they really need your attention (despite pursuing graduate school) I convinced her not to have kids yet.

Sent from my HTC Desire using Tapatalk 2

 

[jon.a]

I thought you got over her?

 

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[Tony Nguyen]

Well this thread has been resurrected. So best way to get over someone is TIME. that's pretty much it, just yourself distracted have some fun, life's to short to stress over theses things, if it wasn't met to be it wasn't met to be don't let it effect you and your mindset, love yourself take care of yourself have some self respect then the right person will come by.

- Tony Nguyen