How has pursuing your dreams affected your relationships with people?

[FastLearner]

I have found since pursuing my dreams that I no longer have time for personal relationships and recently realized that I am not made for monogamous relationships.

Has the fast lane mindset kept you from wanting to pursue romantic relationships with people? Do you see marriage as a fast lane hinderance or a motivator? Has it changed your mindset on your family values from how you were raised or your cultural beliefs?


I'm very curious to hear what others have to say as my views on life have drastically changed from literally a year ago.

 

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[Get Right]

The fastlane mindset actually helps my family relationship (marriage etc.) because it makes ME happy.

The mindset removed some friends (that needed to be removed, negative etc.) but made stronger relationships with other friends. BTW - we aren't the first fastlaners out there, we just know how to spot them now and sometimes they become our new friends.

 

[Lauryn]

I learned that the Fastlane shifts you - it optimizes your awareness, and it makes you short on patience for trivial things. You start to weigh the company you keep by their ability to understand, uplift and support you... by their ability NOT to take your absence and business personally. They understand you have goals and that you're absence is temporary and helps everyone in the long run.

Romantically, I got on this road after I divorced. My ex-husband and I are both on our own fastlanes, but he's a big supporter. I found, for me, as a woman, the type of man I want upgrades and appears as I upgrade and appear. I also feel a little more discriminating of who I indulge my time with, and the little things are more important than the big things.

Like, everything changes, and sometimes it hurts, but it's usually for the best, no matter how it turns out.

 

[DeletedUser19]

The fastlane has nothing to do with marriage. You can be a fastlaner and have one girl or a lot girls, or none. That's up to your game, and of course, what you prefer more.

And about the monogamous relationships, I used to think that marriage was invented by women, but now I think differently. Marriage was probably invented by beta males so they can get regular sex and have children.

In relations with people in general, I agree with Get Right, probably you will attract more fastlaners in your life.

 

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[johnp]

Don't waste your time worrying about this stuff.

I got married 3 weeks ago. It hasn't stopped me. I'm only just starting to really get moving.

I said to her: "listen this is the way I am. If you want a comfortable life someday then let me focus when I need to. You can help. Then when we need a break, we will have fun."

I married my business partner.

Life is what you make of it, now what other people make it out to be.

 

[Bigguns50]

Lauryn...

I learned that the Fastlane shifts you - it optimizes your awareness, and it makes you short on patience for trivial things. You start to weigh the company you keep by their ability to understand, uplift and support you... by their ability NOT to take your absence and business personally. They understand you have goals and that you're absence is temporary and helps everyone in the long run.

You nailed this. I feel exactly the same.

Concerning the trivial things...I have to add that I've also become more sensitive to time. Maybe partly because I'm older..or that I understand fully the finality of our time here. I spend very little time in the past, or on things that I can't change, or worry about outcomes.

Cultural beliefs, family values, opinion on marriage....I really don't think this fastlane has changed any of those things. In my experience, my beliefs have changed with knowledge and life experience. My understanding of how things work in business and life has changed. I think if we're always learning and experiencing life (paying attention )...many things we believe or thought before change.

The biggest change for me from one year ago is absolutely, definately.....I'm executing ideas. My fear is gone.

 

[AmyQ]

I have certainly cut some people out of my life. However.....

My most important relationships have been enriched because even though I work a lot, I have control over my schedule. I have spontaneously flown in to see my mom, just because she was having a rough week. Last year, I spent three weeks with a good friend helping her have a baby because I have the freedom to work from anywhere.

My spouse and I have very different, but complimentary skills, so we strengthen each other. He has vision, but lacks organization and attention to detail. I lack vision, but am good at organization.

 

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[FastLearner]

I have certainly cut some people out of my life. However.....

My most important relationships have been enriched because even though I work a lot, I have control over my schedule. I have spontaneously flown in to see my mom, just because she was having a rough week. Last year, I spent three weeks with a good friend helping her have a baby because I have the freedom to work from anywhere.

My spouse and I have very different, but complimentary skills, so we strengthen each other. He has vision, but lacks organization and attention to detail. I lack vision, but am good at organization.

Do you feel more "in control" of your life since you've cut those people from your life?

 

[AmyQ]

I feel more empowered. Two of the friends I cut out had substance abuse problems, and one was just very selfish. While they had a lot of good qualities, the substance abusers' behavior put me at risk. The selfish friend dragged me down because I spent too much time feeling bad about our dynamics.

My best friend is a slowlaner, likely for life. She brings support, love and laughter to my life. I support her choices because, even though they are different from mine, her time is spent in generative ways.

Getting rid of people who were bringing negativity to my life gave me more time and energy to surround myself with people and situations that enhance it.

 

[Bigguns50]

BTW - we aren't the first fastlaners out there, we just know how to spot them now and sometimes they become our new friends.

Just yesterday, I opened a business account for my new LLC. Of the 3 officers I could have spoken with, the one I got was of the same mindset as us....well, mostly.

He owns 4 houses he rents and does well. He wants to NOT have to slave away for another 30 yrs so I recommended the book of course. He holds 3 degrees, seems pretty bright, and definitely works hard as I witnessed. He just needs TFL book to guide him.

Pretty cool.

 

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[Molattee]

If anything, relationships are what powers me to make an effort to pursue my dreams. For me, personally, achieving my goals / dreams wouldn't mean anything if I couldn't show or share it with the person I love.

Chasing dreams isn't a simple feat. When obstacles or challenges sometimes get the best of me, I count on relationships to help support me and remind me why chasing my dream is well worth the effort.

My two cents.

 

[RogueInnovation]

I have found since pursuing my dreams that I no longer have time for personal relationships and recently realized that I am not made for monogamous relationships.

Has the fast lane mindset kept you from wanting to pursue romantic relationships with people? Do you see marriage as a fast lane hinderance or a motivator? Has it changed your mindset on your family values from how you were raised or your cultural beliefs?


I'm very curious to hear what others have to say as my views on life have drastically changed from literally a year ago.

In the renaissance it was considered normal to study many skills, to be a craftsman, a painter, a dancer, a philosopher, a scientist, a businessman. They believed that a life truly lived encompassed more than just one strict discipline or direct goal. The idea was, that to understand many facets of life was part of its mystery, its joy and its romance.

There are all kinds of wealth.
If you find you have less time for people, try to keep a better balance, the last thing you want to be doing is to "cop out" of life, with an easy excuse like "I don't have the time".

It shouldn't be a problem to multitask, business should only be that consuming if you are running it and keeping it alive. Once that part is over you want to get back to normal balance as well as you can. Because no one wants to become the cliche of the unhappy business person with no life.

The hard thing about being really good at something is, most people won't understand it like you do. They'll snap at you, judge quickly and find your ideas difficult to swallow and insist you forget it.
The only advice I can give is to establish a nice life for yourself and to invite the best people you meet into it, and so long as they respect your new boundaries, it will work alright.

 

[Marc B.]

Following my dreams has improved my relationships with people!

I cannot achieve all of my goals alone. My close friends and family are my emotional support and keep me sane. The pursuit of my dreams has jump started my social networking and introduced me to a bunch of great characters on and off this forum who are part of my adventure, whether they are aware of it or not. I would be nothing without the people around me. Win or lose, at the end of the day I still have them and this is only possible because I choose to keep them close.

 

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[Emo6126]

For me at first it was tough, but with perseverance I found that I gained support from those who did not believe in me (my family), found a soon to be wife who supports me with every step, and have created a circle of friends who are all like minded, supportive and help me with ideas.

When I first started my fast lane goals it was rough. Those who did not understand why I was busy...guess what I don't talk to them anymore and that is their loss. My family did not believe that I could get to the point that I am at, but now that I have come this far they see that I want it and are now willing to support me

My fiance knew when she met I was like this and has not done anything to hinder it...she is the best passenger I could of hoped for on my drive into the fastlane!!

My circle of friends now are all like minded whether it be business or finance and we all have common goals....to be free! So we each teach each other things that the other does not know.

It took me FOREVER to get this, but I was patient.

 

[liquidglass]

Great post and great question! I'm glad you're looking at this angle and I'll be honest with you, I'm amazed every time I look back to just a year prior to the changes in my life, I'm sure you feel the same.

As far as relationships go I'll agree with everyone on the idea that it eliminates some relationships and enhances others.

Being fastlane causes laser focus and tunnel vision, which i F*cking love! While I was in college I worked on cultivating many many relationships, friends, girls, etc. As I became more fastlane minded, I eliminated many of my relationships. Mind you, I never informed them that I was cutting them off or used harsh words, I just let them fade, family members included. Now I have less friends and more acquaintances, but the friends I do have are as solid as rocks. I have slow lane friends included, and they don't totally understand what I do but they are pursuing their passions just in the slowlane, the most important factor of these friends is positivity and support. They help me cut loose on the rare occasion I have time but are never negative and are always a pushing force in the same way I support and push them to higher heights.

Being fastlane means you don't have the luxury to bullshit with every tom, dick, and harry in hopes you can add them on your lifes 'friends list'. You don't have time for the termites of life, that will eat away at you if you give them attention. But on the flip slide it gives you the opportunity to solidify relationships you value.

Marriage in my opinion is a wonderful thing for the fastlane. Of course I may have a different perspective than some. My wife grew up in a fastlane household, is pursuing her own fastlane dreams, and supported me even when times were tough and she felt that our stability was non-existent.

(BTW, I never believed I would get married, I didn't see the point. I beleived it would be best to stay single and pursue all the women I wished)

Marriage is wonderful because it allows you to use the small amount of free time you have to focus on enriching that one relationship with the person you care about. When I was in college I did not have the time or ability to be fastlane financially. Not because I lacked the ability but because I made women my fastlane and business was good! Now, thinking back, it would be impossible for me to peruse my dreams if I didn't have a steady relationship with my wife. I would still be investing incalculable time in the pursuit of multiple women. Just my two cents.

 

[libertad1312]

I have found since pursuing my dreams that I no longer have time for personal relationships and recently realized that I am not made for monogamous relationships.

Has the fast lane mindset kept you from wanting to pursue romantic relationships with people? Do you see marriage as a fast lane hinderance or a motivator? Has it changed your mindset on your family values from how you were raised or your cultural beliefs?


I'm very curious to hear what others have to say as my views on life have drastically changed from literally a year ago.

For me it is excactly vice versa.
I have never believed in monogamous relationships and will probably never.
However, after a few weeks of working seriously on the fastlane I have stopped meeting a few new girls every week and stick to one.
It is just so much easier to have somebody on your side who can give you some comfort and it safes so much time. Right now I simply can't afford to talk to a boring girl a few hours before I get laid.

 

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[FastLearner]

Interesting comments, everyone! I definitely appreciate the input!

 

[VUUmarketing]

I have found since pursuing my dreams that I no longer have time for personal relationships and recently realized that I am not made for monogamous relationships.

Has the fast lane mindset kept you from wanting to pursue romantic relationships with people? Do you see marriage as a fast lane hindrance or a motivator? Has it changed your mindset on your family values from how you were raised or your cultural beliefs?


I'm very curious to hear what others have to say as my views on life have drastically changed from literally a year ago.

Don't focus on a relationship. You will find the right person who inspires you and assists you in your journey. I'm a dreamer, virgin until 21 and never had a girlfriend. But I just focused on bettering myself and filling the gaps of my skill-sets and personality.

Then, when I was 28 I met someone who not only understood they way I thought, but complimented my skills and helped me grow. Now I'm married with a kid and we're both working diligently everyday towards financial success.

If you're focused on a relationship, you're focused on all the wrong things... loneliness, lust, etc. However, when that person comes along, you better be ready to snatch her up.

 

[GMA]

Pursuing my dreams have removed a lot of negative people from my life, which I am really glad about. Once I started doing things on my own, my closest friend at the time would always laugh and tell me to "Get real", "Get a real job" etc. etc. The interesting thing is that it's hard to spot jelaous and "hater" types of people until you have some success.

“The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.”

 

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[100k]

I've had to dump some people and put others on a backburner. Everyone I knew were in the slow lane or sidewalk category. It gets lonely sometimes, but that's a price I'm willing to pay to reach my destiny. I also use being by myself as fuel to work harder, see if I had a good girlfriend and a few good mates.... I don't think I'd be working as hard because I think I'd get complacent and feel like "it's okay ..... I'll do some work on the weekend or tomorrow, today I'm going to hang with the boys and see my gal." ... but now I have no distractions and if I want to get out of this situation then I gotta keep working on my shit.

 

[GMA]

see if I had a good girlfriend and a few good mates.... I don't think I'd be working as hard because I think I'd get complacent and feel like "it's okay ..... I'll do some work on the weekend or tomorrow, today I'm going to hang with the boys and see my gal." ... but now I have no distractions and if I want to get out of this situation then I gotta keep working on my shit.

That's a really smart tactic!

 

[RHL]

Marriage was probably invented by beta males so they can get regular sex and have children.

Contractual marriage was actually invented by the original fastlaners: The pioneers of agriculture coming out of the ages of being hunter-gatherers, the first humans to ever produce more than they consumed and sell the rest to their neighbors for their own material profit, and to have leverage on their own futures by being able to store up excess product (food) in famines while others who did not have that leverage and had to hunt and gather starved and died. As you say, even people who would have had a hard time chasing the opposite sex got an outlet for romance that can be reasonably counted upon.

Whether this still holds up for you today is easy to figure out. The whole "EV" system allows you to crack nuts like this without wasting time with 70 divergent opinions.

However, don't just think of this in terms of friendship-sex-kids. When you're doing the EV calculations, just consider that the number of people who you "could" marry is probably around a billion, from every profession and area of educational experience. Some are fastlaners who would be eager to work with you. Some are slow-laners, but have skills and work ethics and temperaments that would rocket your plan ahead anyway. As an example, I was asked out on a date by a cardiology resident in the parking lot of the local hospital a few months ago when I was visiting a sick friend. Would marrying a doctor give your medical supplies fastlane a boost? You bet. Also, although advocates of going "all in" will likely have tantrums over this, it's certainly easier to start a fastlane with one spouse still in the rat race making $250,000/yr with full benefits to back your play the seven times you cock it up before you hit a home run. Sure, it takes more discipline to take your fastlane seriously with such a strong safty net, but to me, forcing yourself to be productive beats risking homelessness ten times out of ten.

People seem to be thinking of a spouse in terms of some random person that they pick up at the bar and settle down with, and from the primary angle of getting friendship, companionship, and sex. Why not think about a spouse, well selected and well matched, as an opportunity booster across the spectrum? That's the kind of spouse you should look for if you want to get married.

 

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[Black Wolf]

I currently have no friends.
Never had a girlfriend.

By nature I am introverted and comfortable being on my own for a long time. These characteristics aren't that conducive I've found to making friends/attracting women later in life.

Assuming I felt truly bad about this - then It's totally my fault. If I really, really wanted to change and learn to become more sociable and good with women, I would have. But I didn't for reasons I won't bore you with.

Thirty two now - not saying it's impossible to change my ability to be social or try and make friends etc, or even find a wife but the probability is far lower. I don't believe I am thinking in a treasonous fashion too when I state this - it's a case of knowing myself and knowing what my priorities are.

Thus, I have re-framed my thinking in this way:

I have no one to distract me from the pursuit of my goals.
I have no children to feed or a wife to concern myself with.
I have no debt.
I am free to improve myself in any capacity possible.
I am in position to leverage the earnings of my slow lane slave job to enable this.

I am the product of my choices.

The only thing I care about now is wealth & getting out of the matrix and being self-sufficient.

Because I don't have that many hobbies, the only thing I think about now is getting into the fastlane. It gnaws away at my mind constantly.

I don't want to sound like some complete dullard in admitting this, but it's true. Commitment to personal emancipation from 9-5 serfdom is the only hobby I need right now. This provides me with all the motivation I need to learn all the crap I've constantly kept putting off - learning how to develop apps, improving my skills as they pertain to my field etc.

I even went to a talk the other day on social media after work. I didn't learn anything I didn't already know, but I was sat surrounded by wantrepreneurs just like myself - most of them a lot older than myself. What I took from it - there's probably some money to be made in consultancy for people like this. There's a lesson to be learned in any experience in my view. You just have to be in the moment and keep your eyes and ears open.

Friends are all good and fine on the condition that what they're about aligns with your vision, your ambitions. If I could find friends who were into creating a start up or getting out of the matrix too I'd be willing to invest in building those friendships - as is, I am surrounded by people at work who get home, switch off their brains, watch sports or have their time sucked away by the demands of their family life.

Forgive all my waffle though... I tend to go on a bit some times.

 

[Worldisyours]

When I was nothing but myself, everyone disregarded me, when I moved into a better position, everyone disregarded me. I am still by myself.

Whats the difference? freedom within myself

 

[dknise]

We all remember my notorious thread a few months ago where I not so elegantly and more aggressively stated this haha.

I'm in a new relationship because like I said, it's something I really want in life. I took Wednesday off for her birthday and have received "it's okay if you don't want to hang out with me, I'll find someone else" texts the last two days while I attempt to get a simple 8 hours of work in... smh.

While I'd still like to have hope that it's part of the fastlane, I think those that find it are very, very lucky. Oops I said luck, haha, but if you got it and it's real, I envy you!

 

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[charmine]

Good question. Our partner decides 50% of our future. If you are in a relationship you have to ask yourself is your partner supportive? Your partner can bring you up or down. When he/she motivates you you get the energy to work harder. is he/she shares the same vision as you? Surround yourself with positive peoples. If you are lucky enough you could get a mentor who is already there. Keep moving. You will reach the destination someday.