How do you stop hating yourself?

[lowtek]

By valuing the process of becoming, rather than valuing the outcome.

Everything you've done that didn't work, every "failure", every frustration, has lead you to where you are. You can't change the past, but you can decide how you're going to move forward.

Either be bitter you're not where you want to be, or be happy that you're awake enough to be on the path.

The choice is yours my friend.

 

[LaraJF]

Keep a gratitude journal to remind yourself of all the awesome in your life. Limit yourself to three things you HAVE to get done each day and then make sure you do them. You can do more, but make sure you do the three big ones. Then you'll start to feel momentum. Focus on one thing until you're successful. Unsubscribe from all the lists pushing new bright shiny objects. I'm not there yet either and I've failed a ton. But I have my dream and I'm not giving up on it. Make sure your end goal is clear also. That really helps when things get tough.

 

[Laughingman21]

I do three things to keep me going:

1. I surround myself with positive people and avoid the news. If you keep your surroundings negativity-free, it makes being positive far easier.
2. Within every "failure" I find the lesson to be learned and make damned sure I don't repeat it.
3. I remember that if I quit trying, I'll never get to my goals and that's a far more depressing thought than having a few set backs.

Something else that helped me was finding a good life coach to chat with. It's amazing how quickly they were able to help me turn negative self talk into positive action.

 

[Bryan James]

My father had to see a therapist once because when he was a kid he decided play on a roof with a friend and the friend fell to his death; he'd been dealing with guilt problems for decades after. He told me something his therapist told him. Said "you can't blame yourself, because if you had known the outcome of the decision (the future), which is impossible, you wouldn't have made that decision. So you can't blame yourself". He said that it helped him. Hope that helps in some way.

 

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[Deleted50669]

I am at a point where I despise myself for still being a slave. I've been trying for multiple years to figure out how to solve real problems and start a business, and I've only fallen flat on my face.

How do people maintain self-esteem? How do you dust yourself off and regain confidence?

 

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[MidwestLandlord]

I didn't read all the responses, but here is my .02

FOCUS ON THE PLAN, NOT THE PROBLEM

Let's say you have a business that made you $10 million, and you want to get to $11 million.

What would you do to get there?

You'd take the systems you already have, and implement a plan that earns another million. You'd adjust the plan as you go to account for issues that come up and account for market feedback...right?

Seems easy in that situation. You automatically focus on the plan (get another million), and not the problem (I don't have another million)

Now let's say you have a net worth of ZERO, and you want to make $1 million.

It's the exact same thing, earn $1 million, but it seems so much harder even just reading it! Why??

Because you focus on the PROBLEM.

You automatically focus on the problem (My net worth is ZERO! Where do I even start!?!?), instead of the plan (how do I make $1 million? What systems and processes do I need? What pain points can I solve?)

It's easy to focus on the problem when starting from legit scarcity. Human nature and all that.

HOWEVER...

The mindset needs to be the same as the $10 million example. Focus on the PLAN, not the PROBLEM.

Why would the mindset be different starting from zero? There's no rational reason why the mindset should be different, but it is, because of EMOTIONS due to MINDSET.

I would argue that the mindset of focusing on the PLAN is even more important starting from zero!

You can use this for everything in life.

"I don't like working for other people and want income without having an employer"

You can sit there and focus on how much you hate your job, your boss, and yourself for not taking action...or you can focus on the PLAN of how to fix it.

"I will have to balance both starting a business and working to pay the bills"

Yep, you will. But that is focusing on the problem. What's the PLAN?

Focusing on the plan increases self-confidence (through taking control via action), helps with an abundance mindset as you start having "wins" (no matter how small those wins are), and increases mental energy (as you redirect your thoughts)

You'll be amazed how some problems seem much smaller (like balancing work and a business), when you increase your mental energy by focusing on the plan.

"I'VE LEARNED THAT PEOPLE WILL FORGET WHAT YOU SAID, PEOPLE WILL FORGET WHAT YOU DID, BUT PEOPLE WILL NEVER FORGET HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL" - Maya Angelou

We don't hate people because of who they are.
We don't hate people because of what they are.

We hate because of how we FELT.

(let's ignore the fact that hating them because of how they "made us" feel is outcome dependent [your emotions are dependent on their actions], immature, and doesn't take responsibility for ourselves)

If we hate because of how we FELT, and we hate ourselves...isn't it because of how we are making ourselves feel??

If I focus on the problem and not the PLAN...how am I making myself feel?

Now what if I focused on the PLAN instead? How would I feel then?

SOME REAL TALK

It's harder to start from zero with anything. Of course it is. As I said above, the systems and processes don't exist...yet.

But those systems and processes will NEVER exist if I focus on the problem and not on the plan to fix it.

Come up with a plan (doesn't matter if it's the right plan), implement the plan, then adjust the plan as you go.

You can teach yourself to focus on the plan.

Hope this helps.

 

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[MetalGear]

• Ruminate on something else, celebrate small wins, celebrate lessons learned
• Your mind has a powerful way of bending experiences to negative or positive
• Events by themselves are mostly neutral, we give them meaning
• Look into the dreaded drama triangle
• It sounds like you are stuck in the persecutor and victim phase

Power of TED* | The Drama Triangle – Escape the Drama Triangle with TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)

 

[StompingAcorns]

"How do you stop hating yourself?"

I've found that you cannot stop thoughts. You can only redirect them. So prepare some mental constructs ahead of time - identify some things that, when you think about them, you feel really good. It could be a memory, a future goal, a beautiful place, whatever. When you find yourself thinking any negative thought (why can't I succeed, I'm a failure, I must be stupid, I'm too impatient, I'm out of time, I'll never make it, etc.) simply redirect your attention to those good-feeling thoughts you prepared. Immerse yourself in the thought/image/movie (see it, feel it, smell it, taste it, etc.) and let it shift your emotions. Once you do that, it will be easier to take the next step - positive action in the direction you desire.

 

[LightHouse]

There is a lot of great anecdotal advice here, but I have more questions... if you are still participating in this thread that is....

You said you are hating yourself for still being a slave. Why is that? What is wrong with working for someone else? You know, when you have a successful business, you will have to answer to far more people and have far more responsibility to yourself and others than you do right now with a boss right?

So in knowing that, because I am certain you already did since you sound like someone who is going to achieve a lot of success. What is it making you hate providing value to a company and getting paid? What could change that? (is it possible you have a certain expectation of yourself or maybe someone else like your parents have an expectation of you, that you are not meeting?)

Also, who is it that you see yourself as? If you are not there already, are you on the path to becoming that person?

 

[LightHouse]

So to answer these in order...

1) Why am I hating myself for still being a slave?

Because I am being instructed on how to deliver value. My company is very old school, uses ineffective tech, and is inflexible in considering others' ideas for improvement. They hired me specifically as a business process analyst, yet when I lay down my recommendations they are met only with objection and claims that the efforts to change are too steep. It nullifies my motivation to try.

Why are you still working there? Also, if you meet resistance and that demotivates you, you need to find a new method. I wouldn't assume everything you are doing is the right approach. It might seems the best and most correct to you but clearly it isn't for your boss'es or the business. This is the same when you run your own company as well.

2) What is wrong with working for someone else?

Basically, no ability to scale income. I may train myself to be better at what I do, provide more value to internal customers, and so on. But no matter how hard I try and how great the results I create are, my salary lives in a "pay band" that dictates the maximum amount I can make.

If you want your output directly tied to income and value production, then its time to get a sales job, seriously. You will never be in a 1:1 or 1:1+ output to money situation outside of sales. So if that is truly the reason you feed yourself, then step up and see what you can do.

3) Do I know I would have to answer to others beyond just a boss?

Yes. I do not mind having many accountable parties, as long as expectations are made clear and agreed upon upfront. What I do mind is being accountable to someone who does not value my efforts beyond checking a box.

Expectations will never be clear and you will be bombarded by new problems every day. Also, customers don't care about you or value your effort. They care only about what you can do for them, which is MUCH worse than working for a company. This is something a great dose of perspective can help you right now, while you shift gears.

4) What is making me hate providing value to a company and getting paid?

The thing I hate is that I'm not paid for value. I am paid for checking bureaucratic boxes, such as spending X amount of time at my sh*tty desk, making sure I schedule and conduct meetings that only serve as a means to waste peoples' time, making sure I produce documentation of my work - rather than producing the work itself, etc. The company defines value the way most people would define waste and/or suffering. It is being paid to control risk and maintain mediocrity, instead of being paid to take risks and incrementally improve a product or service.

The words you use here make it sound as though you are serving a duty. You have a choice to be working there or anywhere else. You can make the decision to change jobs or work somewhere else. You do not get to feel sorry for yourself here because it's your choice. If you aren't happy, what is holding you in place?

5) What could change that?

This is one that really made the gears turn, and I'm still not sure I have a great answer. Since encountering MJ's books I have been singularly focused on finding a way to enter a situation where I am in control of the value I produce, and making sure I am producing premium products or services. Two years later, and here I am. Still standing at the drawing board. So perhaps the thing that can change that is an evaluation of my approach to entrepreneurship. I have a tendency to focus on what I know / what I'm capable of / what I don't know. I think it may be time to stop focusing on myself. This is new to me, and weird, admittedly. But I'm thinking perhaps if I focus on others, I can mold myself to meet their need. Then it doesn't matter what I know, it matter only that I know enough to satisfy what they need me to do. The hardest part is maintaining this mindset while being asked every day to do the opposite.

I don't think you have to be someone else for anyone. But I think you are very focused on the point and not the process. The reason I am focused on changing your perspective in your job, is because it's the best precursor you can get to running a company in your situation. You are having a hard time staying motivated there and need external factors to provide for you. Rather, you should be making that happen yourself. Stand up, take control back of your identity and make the changes in life that set you on the right path.

You have the right tool set from there to recognize an opportunity and capitalize on it when you see it, so give it some time and don't let that time fuel your disdain for not being there. Sometimes it takes a while.


My first business, i just bought equipment and started from absolute 0. I have no idea how i really even got into it, i just did.

6) Who is it I see myself as?

This answer will be dark and transparent. I see myself as someone who was once a fighter jet and is now a crop duster. I was an all-american athlete, helping my collegiate track team win one championship after another. I was a regarded researcher who used to produce insightful and valuable information for academic audiences. In contrast, I am now an order-taker who despises their existence. I am a shell of what I was before leaving college. My confidence is diminished. My sense of purpose is absent. I am aimless in mission, and a ball of anxiety. In my current state, I am valueless.

So what changed? and what in your mind will let you see yourself for who you are again? Is the all american athlete really lost? Maybe you are just on the wrong path and forgot?

It sounds like it's time to change directions. That can be as easy or as difficult as you believe it will. Your beliefs here will become your reality. You could be headed in a whole new direction in weeks if you wanted too, you just need to make a choice and a decision.

7) Who do I see myself becoming?

The vision I have for myself is relatively simple: an autonomous producer. This entails setting my own parameters for work, controlling who I sell to, controlling who I work with, controlling where I do my work and when, and controlling the values by which I conduct my business and my social behavior.

The path between what I am now and what I envision as my "ought self" is hidden from my view. Perhaps it is as simple as finding a problem and solving for x, but the past two years I've been incapable of doing so. I think what it will really take is patience and commitment, which I need to work on a lot. I have a lot of respect for others that have made this transition, and my hope is to model their growth in some fashion.

You haven't been incapable, it sounds like the right opportunity isn't there yet. It will come, but are you even prepared and in the right mindset for it? It takes a lot of self motivation and resilience to not just start something, but keep it running and profitable after all the fun and easy stuff is done. If you had a business that was making $10M/year, would you had it over to yourself right now in the state you are in if everything was at stake? Would you look for someone that is hungry, ready, confident, and know without a doubt that they would crush it and do anything it takes to turn that $10m into $20m/yr?

 

[Ninjakid]

On one hand, you're probably too hard on yourself. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday. You've probably had several small successes along the way.

On the other hand, maybe you know you're not doing everything in your power to change your situation, and that realization is eating you.

Forgive yourself, and double down on your grind.

Listen to positive affirmations often - even while you aleep

And a little positive affirmations to start your day never hurt anyone.

 

[Real Deal Denver]

"How do you stop hating yourself?"

I've found that you cannot stop thoughts. You can only redirect them. So prepare some mental constructs ahead of time - identify some things that, when you think about them, you feel really good. It could be a memory, a future goal, a beautiful place, whatever. When you find yourself thinking any negative thought (why can't I succeed, I'm a failure, I must be stupid, I'm too impatient, I'm out of time, I'll never make it, etc.) simply redirect your attention to those good-feeling thoughts you prepared. Immerse yourself in the thought/image/movie (see it, feel it, smell it, taste it, etc.) and let it shift your emotions. Once you do that, it will be easier to take the next step - positive action in the direction you desire.

^^^ THIS is so powerful. I bet nobody even stopped to ponder it. I will put it into an example, and you can see how truly great it is, and how you can use it as a tool to overcome anything. Trust me - I know this - I've been there many times, and this is a great technique. It goes something like this:

You're a loser. No matter how hard you try, you always fail. You're wasting time and you're going nowhere. You've screwed up so much of your life.

Okay. Now let's take these little bastards on, one by one. First of all, you can ignore me completely. That's easy, because you know I don't know anything about you. That makes me an idiot, right? Okay... So if I say those things, and I'm an idiot, well - YOU'RE an idiot too. REDIRECT those thoughts. You can't stop them, but you can push them aside. You can CHOOSE to not pay them any attention.

That's how it works. And it does work.

EVERYONE has the proverbial angel and devil sitting on their shoulders whispering into their ears. Which one has more control over you? That's simple; the one you listen to. Once you are AWARE of this, you can deal with it head on.

Can you handle the truth? I don't think you can handle the truth!



But here it is anyway.

You're young. Smart. Healthy. Living in the golden age of technology. Living in the best country that has ever existed in the entire history of mankind. You know there is more to life than what you have now. And you have what you need most - time and a plan.

So tell me why you can't do it one more time. You have reasons. We all do. But I'm going to blow your reasons up right before your eyes. Right now. I'm going to take your reasons away from you and leave them crawling on the ground in front of you - no longer able to survive without you feeding them any longer. They will whither and die. Here's how.

Google Nick Vujicic. He has no right arm. No left arm either. And no legs. He had a promising career as a second base. Not a second base man - but the second base itself! Seriously - watch some of his videos and your self doubts will melt away. When you see what Nick has done, and how he lives his life, you will never think or act the same way ever again. I promise you that!

 

[LightHouse]

STOP comparison with the past or against your friends.

This is actually really important so I wanted to pull it out.

More of a general statement here since I do not know whether or not 404profound is doing it or not but...

"The fastest way to make yourself feel bad and pity yourself, is to start comparing yourself to anything"

Literally you can go from a great mood to a bad one within seconds with this method. It requires almost no effort as well, just a few simple thoughts. Pretty scary right? Especially when you have done x, y, and z to get yourself to that good mood, you can simply screw it all with such ease. (also why Social Media can be dangerous for certain types of people)

 

[MJ DeMarco]

But now people seem to be reviving it just to bring me down again.

People aren't reviving it to bring you down. If anything, it should make you happy and remind you how FAR you've come. And no thread, post, or digitized message on the internet should have the power to ruin your head.

There are other folks who might be feeling the same as you did.

The people here have given you some great ideas and advice.

I'm sure there are other folks out there who are struggling with similar thoughts.

Thread marked NOTABLE.

 

[Deleted50669]

By valuing the process of becoming, rather than valuing the outcome.

Everything you've done that didn't work, every "failure", every frustration, has lead you to where you are. You can't change the past, but you can decide how you're going to move forward.

Either be bitter you're not where you want to be, or be happy that you're awake enough to be on the path.

The choice is yours my friend.

Thank you for this perspective, LT.

I suppose that eludes to the fixed vs. growth mindset distinction. I have been falling into the fixed pattern, and it's toxic. This also reminds me that patience is important, which has always been my biggest weakness.

 

[Sheens]

Another thought is to make sure your focus is also on physical health.

It can be a vicious cycle to fall into a low time and then lose momentum in healthy solutions like great workouts. Keep on track, ramp it up, or set new goals. Your confidence in business will also improve.

Are you using a morning or evening routine as can be found in The Miracle Morning or a similar path? Getting out of bed could be your favorite moment of the day.

Or even an accountability partner to check in with for daily goals, action, results..? If this is a friend, you may not even have to pay them!

 

[Deleted50669]

There is a lot of great anecdotal advice here, but I have more questions... if you are still participating in this thread that is....

You said you are hating yourself for still being a slave. Why is that? What is wrong with working for someone else? You know, when you have a successful business, you will have to answer to far more people and have far more responsibility to yourself and others than you do right now with a boss right?

So in knowing that, because I am certain you already did since you sound like someone who is going to achieve a lot of success. What is it making you hate providing value to a company and getting paid? What could change that? (is it possible you have a certain expectation of yourself or maybe someone else like your parents have an expectation of you, that you are not meeting?)

Also, who is it that you see yourself as? If you are not there already, are you on the path to becoming that person?

So to answer these in order...

1) Why am I hating myself for still being a slave?

Because I am being instructed on how to deliver value. My company is very old school, uses ineffective tech, and is inflexible in considering others' ideas for improvement. They hired me specifically as a business process analyst, yet when I lay down my recommendations they are met only with objection and claims that the efforts to change are too steep. It nullifies my motivation to try.

2) What is wrong with working for someone else?

Basically, no ability to scale income. I may train myself to be better at what I do, provide more value to internal customers, and so on. But no matter how hard I try and how great the results I create are, my salary lives in a "pay band" that dictates the maximum amount I can make.

3) Do I know I would have to answer to others beyond just a boss?

Yes. I do not mind having many accountable parties, as long as expectations are made clear and agreed upon upfront. What I do mind is being accountable to someone who does not value my efforts beyond checking a box.

4) What is making me hate providing value to a company and getting paid?

The thing I hate is that I'm not paid for value. I am paid for checking bureaucratic boxes, such as spending X amount of time at my shitty desk, making sure I schedule and conduct meetings that only serve as a means to waste peoples' time, making sure I produce documentation of my work - rather than producing the work itself, etc. The company defines value the way most people would define waste and/or suffering. It is being paid to control risk and maintain mediocrity, instead of being paid to take risks and incrementally improve a product or service.

5) What could change that?

This is one that really made the gears turn, and I'm still not sure I have a great answer. Since encountering MJ's books I have been singularly focused on finding a way to enter a situation where I am in control of the value I produce, and making sure I am producing premium products or services. Two years later, and here I am. Still standing at the drawing board. So perhaps the thing that can change that is an evaluation of my approach to entrepreneurship. I have a tendency to focus on what I know / what I'm capable of / what I don't know. I think it may be time to stop focusing on myself. This is new to me, and weird, admittedly. But I'm thinking perhaps if I focus on others, I can mold myself to meet their need. Then it doesn't matter what I know, it matter only that I know enough to satisfy what they need me to do. The hardest part is maintaining this mindset while being asked every day to do the opposite.

6) Who is it I see myself as?

This answer will be dark and transparent. I see myself as someone who was once a fighter jet and is now a crop duster. I was an all-american athlete, helping my collegiate track team win one championship after another. I was a regarded researcher who used to produce insightful and valuable information for academic audiences. In contrast, I am now an order-taker who despises their existence. I am a shell of what I was before leaving college. My confidence is diminished. My sense of purpose is absent. I am aimless in mission, and a ball of anxiety. In my current state, I am valueless.

7) Who do I see myself becoming?

The vision I have for myself is relatively simple: an autonomous producer. This entails setting my own parameters for work, controlling who I sell to, controlling who I work with, controlling where I do my work and when, and controlling the values by which I conduct my business and my social behavior.

The path between what I am now and what I envision as my "ought self" is hidden from my view. Perhaps it is as simple as finding a problem and solving for x, but the past two years I've been incapable of doing so. I think what it will really take is patience and commitment, which I need to work on a lot. I have a lot of respect for others that have made this transition, and my hope is to model their growth in some fashion.

 

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[Deleted50669]

Keep a gratitude journal to remind yourself of all the awesome in your life. Limit yourself to three things you HAVE to get done each day and then make sure you do them. You can do more, but make sure you do the three big ones. Then you'll start to feel momentum. Focus on one thing until you're successful. Unsubscribe from all the lists pushing new bright shiny objects. I'm not there yet either and I've failed a ton. But I have my dream and I'm not giving up on it. Make sure your end goal is clear also. That really helps when things get tough.

Thanks for this, Lara.

I've tried journaling before and it feels a bit awkward, but I know others who have said it helps. I think part of the problem is living in DC, not exactly the epicenter of driven and creative minds. Edward Demming once said "A bad system will defeat a good person every time." Perhaps I need a new system / environment.

 

[The Abundant Man]

By start loving yourself

 

[GMSI7D]

By valuing the process of becoming, rather than valuing the outcome.


.

but this is not the american way of life

we are on the fastlane forum. not on the becoming forum

we want wealth in 5 years not in 50 years

becoming something valuable requires a lot of time.

becoming is a lifelong process

trees don't grow for 5 years in order to retire for 40 years on the beach

they grow for ever

 

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[YoungPadawan]

Smooth seas never made a skilled sailor.

All of these "failures" in your life teach you lessons that you would've never learned if you had never tried.

Keep going. Keep stepping up to the plate. All it takes is one success.

 

[luniac]

in "the inner game of tennis" the author argues against positive thinking because it basically gives power to negative thinking.

to summarize the story in the book:
the author tennis instructor was with a group of students, he only told to them hit the ball across the net while paying attention to footwork and then just watched silently.
After most of the students did the drill, not one ball hit the net and he commented about that with a positive tone, and right then and there he ruined the magic.

The next student up instead of focusing on the instruction was now distracted by the expectation of hitting the ball over the net. That student and the rest were now occasionally hitting the net with the ball.

The positive comment actually caused insecurity and negative thoughts.

to quote the book directly
"Ending judgment means you neither add nor subtract from the facts before your eyes."

so just do what u gotta do and dont concern urself with explicitly loving or hating yourself. just be you.

easier said than done i know, good luck

 

[Deleted50669]

There is a lot of great anecdotal advice here, but I have more questions... if you are still participating in this thread that is....

You said you are hating yourself for still being a slave. Why is that? What is wrong with working for someone else? You know, when you have a successful business, you will have to answer to far more people and have far more responsibility to yourself and others than you do right now with a boss right?

So in knowing that, because I am certain you already did since you sound like someone who is going to achieve a lot of success. What is it making you hate providing value to a company and getting paid? What could change that? (is it possible you have a certain expectation of yourself or maybe someone else like your parents have an expectation of you, that you are not meeting?)

Also, who is it that you see yourself as? If you are not there already, are you on the path to becoming that person?

Thank you for asking me these great questions. They have stopped me dead in my tracks. I will reply again soon once I have taken time to reflect on this.

 

[ManliestManofMen]

I think you need to find a new job. In the meantime, you can start a side business. But if your job is making you miserable, find another one.

Give up the idea that you're supposed to be somewhere by "x" amount of time. We're all on our own journeys. Don't compare yourself to others. That's toxic and poisonous.

Be your own best friend. You'll fail. You'll make mistakes. Pick yourself up and try again. We're not perfect. Life happens. When one door closes, find another way to get inside, whether that's by knocking on the next door or going through the window. You only fail when you give up. Otherwise, it's just a set back.

 

[socaldude]

Low self-esteem happens when you feel like your environment has mastered you rather than you mastering your environment.

Our mind is actually our number one tool of survival and when we contemplate how it has failed us we feel a tremendous loss of self-esteem.

And vice versa, when we feel like we have a mind that is adequate in standing up to difficult problems and capable of being aware we feel a sense of optimism and self-confidence. To have confidence in something means to TRUST something. People who have low self esteem don't TRUST their capabilities or mind. And "self" is another synonym for mind.

The result is a self-fulfilling prophecy and catch-22: Low-self esteem-->Don't even try to be aware or solve problems-->More negative contemplation--->low self-esteem.

Self-esteem isn't something you just "wish" for or use your "free will" to get. You have to work for it. Being self-aware is hard. Probably the most difficult thing in life IMO. It's something you DO. It's a behavior. Its a mental activity.

You need to be on the other side of the catch-22.

Zero external feedback is needed. Only feedback that is need is when we improve ourselves and our thinking.

If external feedback were needed it wouldn't be called self-esteem it would be called other-esteem.

When you say you hate yourself you are actually saying you hate your own mind, what goes on inside it and how it has let you down.

You can't hate yourself when you realize all the problems that your mind has helped you solve, become aware of, accepted, integrated. You would love it.

Start there. Be a problem solver. Be a master of awareness. It starts with your mind.

 

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[Johnny boy]

I am at a point where I despise myself for still being a slave. I've been trying for multiple years to figure out how to solve real problems and start a business, and I've only fallen flat on my face.

How do people maintain self-esteem? How do you dust yourself off and regain confidence?

Everyone else is a scared little insecure kid pretending to be a grown up and when you realize that, it's off to the motherfvcking races.

 

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[Deleted50669]

@404profound ... I'm curious how you feel about things now, if you still hate yourself as much, what changed, and what it was that made the change happen?

I'm not the pussy I used to be. Moved to California two months ago, making well over six figures doing machine learning and database tuning. Working on three apps on the side. Haven't worn a shirt in like two weeks lol

 

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[throttleforward]

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0030HKYUG/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20
(There are free PDFs online)

I like what this book preaches: Maintain both a positive mental attitude as well as a piece of "inspirational dissatisfaction"

Also read the success stories here. A bunch have periods of failure.

Also, I read recently (I think from a post here) that the average self-made millionaire didn't achieve that status until reaching their 40's. Point being it takes a lot of work, failure, and time for most self-made millionaires to make it. Don't give up!

 

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[ryanbleau]

Find something worth hating more than yourself

 

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[Deleted50669]

Another thought is to make sure your focus is also on physical health.

It can be a vicious cycle to fall into a low time and then lose momentum in healthy solutions like great workouts. Keep on track, ramp it up, or set new goals. Your confidence in business will also improve.

Are you using a morning or evening routine as can be found in The Miracle Morning or a similar path? Getting out of bed could be your favorite moment of the day.

Or even an accountability partner to check in with for daily goals, action, results..? If this is a friend, you may not even have to pay them!

I have always committed to physical health as a nonnegotiable part of my life. Having been a college athlete and now just a gym junkie, that's something I'll never compromise on. It keeps me relatively sane when I fall into these lulls. That being said, physical health only gets me so far until I ruminate on my failure and continuous mediocrity.