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How do you stop hating yourself?

50x

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After all the above has been said, there isn't much left to say...

Still, there is one more flipism: inside out thinking (by Michael Neill).

"Live the feeling of your thinking, don't live the feeling of the world."

What if what we experience is a projection of our thought, not a projection of the inking of the world? So there would be much perceived before we create a perception by thinking.

Still, we wouldn't be lying to ourselves more, because if you let the world keep the give the steering wheel of your experience, you're still interpreting through culturally preset filters what's happening. Your mind can paint your perception, without falling to insanity.

Get the steering wheel of your experience, think how you feel from inside out.

STOP comparison with the past or against your friends. I've work lost that before start...
Use your history to remind about what you ARE capable of. There's still hope.

(Heck, I can't do this all the way myself but it helps.)
 
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LightHouse

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Again, thank you for giving me a lot to mull over.

I suppose I would not trust myself to manage a profitable business in my current mental state.

Anytime, my purpose was not to coach you at all, but rather to throw out some questions that might help you unwind what is in your head. No one including me can change anything for you, although I don't think that is what you were asking for.

I'd love to hear a follow up to those questions a week or two from now after you've worked it out some, and see the difference in the two. If you are really ready for a change, that is plenty of time to push the bar forward.

Let us know if you are up for it!
 
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Deleted50669

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^^^ THIS is so powerful. I bet nobody even stopped to ponder it. I will put it into an example, and you can see how truly great it is, and how you can use it as a tool to overcome anything. Trust me - I know this - I've been there many times, and this is a great technique. It goes something like this:

You're a loser. No matter how hard you try, you always fail. You're wasting time and you're going nowhere. You've screwed up so much of your life.

Okay. Now let's take these little bastards on, one by one. First of all, you can ignore me completely. That's easy, because you know I don't know anything about you. That makes me an idiot, right? Okay... So if I say those things, and I'm an idiot, well - YOU'RE an idiot too. REDIRECT those thoughts. You can't stop them, but you can push them aside. You can CHOOSE to not pay them any attention.

That's how it works. And it does work.

EVERYONE has the proverbial angel and devil sitting on their shoulders whispering into their ears. Which one has more control over you? That's simple; the one you listen to. Once you are AWARE of this, you can deal with it head on.

Can you handle the truth? I don't think you can handle the truth!

View attachment 22074

But here it is anyway.

You're young. Smart. Healthy. Living in the golden age of technology. Living in the best country that has ever existed in the entire history of mankind. You know there is more to life than what you have now. And you have what you need most - time and a plan.

So tell me why you can't do it one more time. You have reasons. We all do. But I'm going to blow your reasons up right before your eyes. Right now. I'm going to take your reasons away from you and leave them crawling on the ground in front of you - no longer able to survive without you feeding them any longer. They will whither and die. Here's how.

Google Nick Vujicic. He has no right arm. No left arm either. And no legs. He had a promising career as a second base. Not a second base man - but the second base itself! Seriously - watch some of his videos and your self doubts will melt away. When you see what Nick has done, and how he lives his life, you will never think or act the same way ever again. I promise you that!
I am grateful that you mentioned Nick Vujicic. That was a potent - and necessary - dose of reality. He called out all of the shitty things I keep in my head and confronted them.
 

PinPointing

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I am at a point where I despise myself for still being a slave. I've been trying for multiple years to figure out how to solve real problems and start a business, and I've only fallen flat on my face.

How do people maintain self-esteem? How do you dust yourself off and regain confidence?

Couldn’t read all responses but wanted to give a few ideas

1-See a therapist. Make sure it’s one you connect with. I’ve seen them in the past. I could tell the first couple I met with couldn’t understand me. Usually theyre genuine and want to help people so I told them it didn’t feel like a good fit and asked if they could recommend someone going through things like myself.

2- Find something to progress in. For me it was my health and fitness but it could be anything that interests you and is difficult. It reminded me what it feels like to win and improve myself. This carried over to other aspects of my life.
 
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Deleted50669

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From "Delivering Happiness":


What in your life gives you perceived control?
What in your life gives you perceived progress?
...connectedness?
...vision/meaning?

Control has always been the biggest motivator for me, and also the thing I've never been able to find.

I'm currently progressing by training myself in web development, about 5 hours a day after work and on weekends. I'm getting good, but not good enough. I am undecided in my goal; whether I will aim for a developer role or try to build my own app (which will require learning a full stack instead of just stuff in the browser). I have some carefully researched app ideas that may prove fruitful with more customer validation. So, that will be the next major decision. Either way, I agree that it helps to be engaged in self-development towards some end, whether the next step is being a developer or going rogue.
 

madmoney

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I've been struggling with this for quite some time and this is what I do.
1)Take some pre workout and take it out of the weights. I take out all my frustration and angry out on them. Gets me through tough times and self loathing.
2) your the hardest critique of yourself, take it easy.
3) free time is devils playground. Figure out want you real want to do or call success and just break it down to tiny tiny tasks, and do one task everyday.
4)Train yourself to silence the voice is your head, its not your true voice.
5) read the mood cure, sometimes its your diet as well
 

babyballer

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Low self-esteem happens when you feel like your environment has mastered you rather than you mastering your environment.

I have a different opinion to this, and I have anecdotal experience since I used to have very low self esteem.

This is my theory. I think low self esteem is caused by hormone imbalance and/or environmental toxicity (heavy metals like mercury, alumunium, and lead).

Men will feel sense of well being the most when these hormone levels are in optimal ranges:

1) testosterone,
2) DHT,
3) androstenedione,
4) and DHEA

Through blood work, I found out that I had low levels of testosterone (total and free) as well as DHT. Also I had mercury amalgams. Once I fixed these issues, the self esteem raised naturally back to its normal level.
 

babyballer

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I've been struggling with this for quite some time and this is what I do.
1)Take some pre workout and take it out of the weights. I take out all my frustration and angry out on them. Gets me through tough times and self loathing.
2) your the hardest critique of yourself, take it easy.
3) free time is devils playground. Figure out want you real want to do or call success and just break it down to tiny tiny tasks, and do one task everyday.
4)Train yourself to silence the voice is your head, its not your true voice.
5) read the mood cure, sometimes its your diet as well

As for point no 5, I think most can benefit from implementing ketogenic diet. It is totally a game changer. Mental clarity, mental energy, focus, less sleep, optimism, etc.
 
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Deleted50669

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1. I disagree. I've only skimmed some posts, but didn't you say you've been learning to code 5 hrs a day? You have cast many stones! Give yourself credit where credit is due.

2. Here's a challenge for you. (You don't have to post any of this.)
  • Right now, list your top 3 business ideas. Don't overthink it - best guess, what are the top 3.
  • Take 5 minutes per idea and jot down any and every action you can think of to get this business off the ground.
  • Take those lists and week 1, work on idea 1, week 2, work on idea 2, and week 3, work on idea 3. Set the coding aside. Dedicate all your focus to actually working on building these businesses.
Use that "go all in" in time increments. Go all in for a week. Then repeat twice. Then see what happens.

I appreciate this advice.

I caught myself coming up with excuses to dismiss this approach for x, y, z reason, but this is the reaction I have to vanquish - too much analysis. Instead, I will just try this and see what happens.
 
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sparechange

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I am at a point where I despise myself for still being a slave. I've been trying for multiple years to figure out how to solve real problems and start a business, and I've only fallen flat on my face.

How do people maintain self-esteem? How do you dust yourself off and regain confidence?


I feel the same way, although considering even MJ and many others struggled for years also, that should make you feel a bit better.

Take small wins here and there. Helps me, if it was easy no-one would be slaving away some shitty job and we would all be flying private jets around the world
 
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Deleted50669

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I feel the same way, although considering even MJ and many others struggled for years also, that should make you feel a bit better.

Take small wins here and there. Helps me, if it was easy no-one would be slaving away some sh*tty job and we would all be flying private jets around the world
That's a fair point. Resilience seems to be a major factor - or grit as it's more often referred to.
 

Niptuck MD

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How to stop hating yourself? Love others. Dont think about you think about THEM
 

Almantas

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Can you just imagine how much you could've spent on counseling fees alone? And we have access to such an amazing source of advice and information for free. I don't know about you, but I will definitely take down some notes and act on advice given. Pure gold, thanks guys!
 
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Rabby

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I noticed something important in your language. You seem to be thinking in terms of what you ARE, and hating those things. This will hurt you and slow you down, believe me. Example: "I hate myself for being a slave." Try not to define your whole being with a statement like that; you deserve better.

Please change that statement: You are a novice entrepreneur temporarily working for others. You hate that you're not building an asset for yourself or solving problems independently. You don't hate yourself, you hate the current situation. This is catharsis that you can act on.

It's 100% Ok to not like your circumstances. Not so much to not like "yourself." Let's review some things that you "are:"
  • You are a member of the most intelligent species on this planet.
  • You are capable of learning.
  • You are capable of pursuing goals, whether you've solved for them all or not.
Most other stuff is what you're "doing" or what you're "subject to" under current circumstances. Your intelligence, ability to learn, and ability to pursue goals can change those things in all but the most dire circumstances.

What are you "doing:"
  • You are working for someone else's company so that you can make ends meet.
  • You are learning skills that you plan to use to change your circumstances.
  • You are looking for ideas to help you get unstuck from a perceived mental block or lack of adequate progress.
Take a few days and listen to how you define yourself. When you notice that you are condemning yourself, take a moment to mentally correct that. Instead, define the situation you don't like, what you don't like about it, etc. Save the negativity for the things you want to change and push away from yourself. This will actually help you make progress in your goals, in my experience. After all, if you know the "thing" that you don't want, you can keep planning to get rid of it. But if, through a trick of language, you start defining that thing as yourself, you can end up in a dark place.

One other thing I want to mention.

At one time I had a very, very strong "inner critic." I had no idea what that was, and had not really noticed it. However, it was crippling in terms of actually completing things and having confidence to move forward.

An "inner critic" if you're not familiar, is that voice that comes up and says "ah, you're full of shit," or "can't you do anything right?" It's pretty eye opening to start listening for this sort of thing in your inner monologue. Many people sub-vocalize thoughts like this all the time... they are basically acting as their own prosecutor.

I became aware of this problem though this book. I didn't do all the exercises, but I got the concept and took the time to correct every instance of self-prosecution. For me, that removed many blocks, so maybe it will help you. Good luck :)
 
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balilife

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I think believing that you are a corporate Slave is a bit harsh. You are doing what you have to do to pay the bills my friend. You should take solace in your resilience and pride in the process. I have failed so many times yet I personally keep moving forward. The game of entrepreneurship is a harsh one. Try and look at the positives in your life and block out the negative. Easier said then done and maybe not the response people want to hear. Be well man and keep on moving forward....
 
D

Deleted50669

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That's quite cool. What was it that brought about that change?
Got sick of being a bitch, mostly. The lies I told myself were shielding me from growth. Once I realized I'm brilliant and stopped playing the victim card I started kicking a$$. I have no intentions of stopping, it is quite addicting.
 
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Deleted50669

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Several of us live in DC. I think there was a thread in the local meetup subgroup
Noce, I just noticed the DC location on your profile. Do you know if people are active in that subgroup? It'd be nice to connect with other fastlaners in the area for sure.
 
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andyhaus44

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Listen to positive affirmations often - even while you aleep
 

Sheens

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Great to hear you are staying so active!

I don't mean to sound trite (..again), but the fact that you aren't settling for mediocrity is actually necessary and the reason you won't always fail.

Have you found your next project? Using that passion to get yourself back to your top game and taking more action...

It has been incredibly cloudy in CO. No idea if DC is similar but making sure you have enough Vit D? Sleeping through the night? Clean life/plenty of water. Regular check-up. (Staring at numerous medical histories has taught me to automatically think of a few things)

Using this time to really develop the areas of your life that you have going so well on track (physical prowess), or spiritual, or relationship, etc. will help to spill over more and more residual confidence!
 

LuckyPup

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  • Ruminate on something else, celebrate small wins, celebrate lessons learned
  • Your mind has a powerful way of bending experiences to negative or positive
  • Events by themselves are mostly neutral, we give them meaning
  • Look into the dreaded drama triangle
  • It sounds like you are stuck in the persecutor and victim phase
Power of TED* | The Drama Triangle – Escape the Drama Triangle with TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)

shiftshappen.jpg
Well dang. Here I thought I wrote a really good response, and then I scroll up to see your fancy illustration! (good stuff!)
 

Shirkahn

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I am at a point where I despise myself for still being a slave. I've been trying for multiple years to figure out how to solve real problems and start a business, and I've only fallen flat on my face.

How do people maintain self-esteem? How do you dust yourself off and regain confidence?

Failure is short term while success is long term. Don’t take your eyes off your goal.

Every failure is a learning opportunity and I can tell you I have learnt allot over the years but I have never let it deter me.

A simple mantra could help by saying to yourself: I love myself and money comes to me effortlessly.

This has helped me find focus again.
 
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Raoul Duke

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Last edited:

Rodrickee

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By valuing the process of becoming, rather than valuing the outcome.

Everything you've done that didn't work, every "failure", every frustration, has lead you to where you are. You can't change the past, but you can decide how you're going to move forward.

Either be bitter you're not where you want to be, or be happy that you're awake enough to be on the path.

The choice is yours my friend.

Dude, you've put what I felt reading this thread into words better than what I could've done, props!
(sorry for any bad english, not my main idiom)
 
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Deleted50669

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Why are you still working there? Also, if you meet resistance and that demotivates you, you need to find a new method. I wouldn't assume everything you are doing is the right approach. It might seems the best and most correct to you but clearly it isn't for your boss'es or the business. This is the same when you run your own company as well.



If you want your output directly tied to income and value production, then its time to get a sales job, seriously. You will never be in a 1:1 or 1:1+ output to money situation outside of sales. So if that is truly the reason you feed yourself, then step up and see what you can do.



Expectations will never be clear and you will be bombarded by new problems every day. Also, customers don't care about you or value your effort. They care only about what you can do for them, which is MUCH worse than working for a company. This is something a great dose of perspective can help you right now, while you shift gears.



The words you use here make it sound as though you are serving a duty. You have a choice to be working there or anywhere else. You can make the decision to change jobs or work somewhere else. You do not get to feel sorry for yourself here because it's your choice. If you aren't happy, what is holding you in place?



I don't think you have to be someone else for anyone. But I think you are very focused on the point and not the process. The reason I am focused on changing your perspective in your job, is because it's the best precursor you can get to running a company in your situation. You are having a hard time staying motivated there and need external factors to provide for you. Rather, you should be making that happen yourself. Stand up, take control back of your identity and make the changes in life that set you on the right path.

You have the right tool set from there to recognize an opportunity and capitalize on it when you see it, so give it some time and don't let that time fuel your disdain for not being there. Sometimes it takes a while.


My first business, i just bought equipment and started from absolute 0. I have no idea how i really even got into it, i just did.



So what changed? and what in your mind will let you see yourself for who you are again? Is the all american athlete really lost? Maybe you are just on the wrong path and forgot?

It sounds like it's time to change directions. That can be as easy or as difficult as you believe it will. Your beliefs here will become your reality. You could be headed in a whole new direction in weeks if you wanted too, you just need to make a choice and a decision.




You haven't been incapable, it sounds like the right opportunity isn't there yet. It will come, but are you even prepared and in the right mindset for it? It takes a lot of self motivation and resilience to not just start something, but keep it running and profitable after all the fun and easy stuff is done. If you had a business that was making $10M/year, would you had it over to yourself right now in the state you are in if everything was at stake? Would you look for someone that is hungry, ready, confident, and know without a doubt that they would crush it and do anything it takes to turn that $10m into $20m/yr?

Again, thank you for giving me a lot to mull over.

I suppose I would not trust myself to manage a profitable business in my current mental state.
 
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babyballer

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How do people maintain self-esteem? How do you dust yourself off and regain confidence?

Do you have mercury amalgam fillings? If yes, that could be the cause since it is a symptom of mercury toxicity.

After my biological dentist took them out safely and replace them with safer material, my self esteem soared.
 
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Kruiser

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Lots of good recommendations already. I'll add my $.02 in that it could be useful also to develop the habit of consistently reading/listening to good stuff that can improve your mindset. Consistently reading 15 minutes a day of someone like Tony Robbins (or any other good author) has helped me avoid situations where I just feel completely down and crushed. So, not really a magic bullet for what you are facing now, but something to consider. Got the idea from Hal Elrod's Miracle Morning which I heard about through MJ.
 

RayAndré

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2- Find something to progress in. For me it was my health and fitness but it could be anything that interests you and is difficult. It reminded me what it feels like to win and improve myself. This carried over to other aspects of my life.

From "Delivering Happiness":
“Happiness is really just about four things: perceived control, perceived progress, connectedness (number and depth of your relationships), and vision/meaning (being part of something bigger than yourself).” - Tony Hsieh

What in your life gives you perceived control?
What in your life gives you perceived progress?
...connectedness?
...vision/meaning?
 

LittleJohn

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I am at a point where I despise myself for still being a slave. I've been trying for multiple years to figure out how to solve real problems and start a business, and I've only fallen flat on my face.

How do people maintain self-esteem? How do you dust yourself off and regain confidence?
You continue to love yourself by working at it. What does this mean? For one thing you focus on the positive. Sounds cliche but when you think about it, this means you consciously decide to think about what is good and right in your thoughts and with your words. To break it down further you think and speak in the affirmative (like how I re-framed your Title to, "Continue to Love yourself") - you think and speak about what you want instead of what you dont want. Overtime this self suggestion imprints on the subconscious and you form a habit of feeding yourself positive suggestion. Remember Henry Fords, "Whether you think you can or you think you cant your right." So true.

Just taking the title of this thread, "How do you stop hating yourself?" I would never make a thread with a title like this because by doing so actually affirms in your mind that you hate yourself. The mind is a powerful thing. Always remember to treat it kindly!

Based on your OP, I say kudos to you for trying multiple things to try and alter your course. Most people don't even have the wherewithal to gain consciousness that they would be better off even trying to change their circumstances. This is the first step and you are taking it. Continue taking steps and continue learning.
 

LittleJohn

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Do you have mercury amalgam fillings? If yes, that could be the cause since it is a symptom of mercury toxicity.

After my biological dentist took them out safely and replace them with safer material, my self esteem soared.
Are you serious? Bizarre..
 
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