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Melv

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Good evening to all,

I need your opinion on a personal matter.

To put it simply, today I had an appointment with a personal development coach.
To summarize this session, she told me that I had to get out of my comfort zone to take the first step in entrepreneurship.
This comfort zone is being at my parents' house, to tell you the truth, I’ll be 19 in April.

To get out of this comfort zone she advised me to go abroad for several months. It may sound simple put like that, but to me it’s super hard.

Do you think that the fact of becoming independent, of having to "survive" by oneself is the solution, the trigger to move things forward ?

Wouldn’t it be like the story of our dear MJ, who went to him in Phoenix, who had to work to pay his rent, who developed his skills and found that famous trigger?

I know some people will think that’s life, and that’s how it is.
However, I am open to any answer.

Thank you so much!
 

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Ismail941

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Student exchange program is about learning about a country culture. I think it’s a great experience if you can afford it correctly. Age 19 is perfect for that. Pick a desire country, calculate the feasible cost and hop on a plane. It’s about experience and make friends. Who knows they will be your future business partner or something. Networking is good.

Another option: You can save money by staying in family/parents home. It can be short term so that you can level up later.

As far as I understand - entrepreneurship is not easy like microwave with 2 minutes mindset. It’s about encountering challenge, calculated risk taking and sign up for bad days aka delayed gratification.

There is a saying: You can’t have both things at the same time.

Pick something one and roll with it whatever you want for yourself and works for you.

You have to do what works for you, not against you. Just like a chair has a 4 legs. Utilize the forum as a guide line for you in correct way.
 

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First off what do you do now? How much does this 'personal development coach' know about you? How long have you been under her direction and how has she helped you develop so far?

Also why do you feel the need to have a coach? Just trying to get some perspective.
 

StephanBg

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All this "get out of your comfort zone" has two reasons:
The first one is that it challanges you to do something you wouldn't normally do, and assuming you wouldn't do something stupid you probably will get some reward for it later. This is the "delayed gratification" @Ismail941 mentioned.
The second one is that it always influences you perspective. You get new ideas, get to know different angles of thinking, meet new people.

The only thing you have to think about, is in what direction should you go that would benefit you the most. And there you must go directly, even if it's uncomfortable.
 

Mihalsky

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From my perspective, going abroad and managing to "survive" will boost your creativity. You will see how many problems you will face and how are able to solve them
 

OneLifeOneChance

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I think there is so no specific SOLUTION to move things forward. For others yes it may be just moving out and getting out and being in a whole new environment. For some it may be some catastrophic event that triggers to move things forward like a Fu*k this event that @MJ DeMarco has mentioned in his books.

No specific solution but definitely a common element of being UNCOMFORTABLE first!

I think what you’re really asking when you say is moving aboard and “surviving” the solution is that - you really want to know if the uncomfortableness is worth it or perhaps you’re wondering do you really need to do the uncomfortable to move forward?

Anyway as Henry Ford said “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you always got”

I also believe in order to achieve the comfortable (unscripted life) you’re going to need to start getting use to being uncomfortable because if you aren’t going to do it, someone else will and that someone else is what separates them being the 1% from the 99% mediocrity living their scripted life.

Have a great day!

(Btw I’m also 19 too! We could be friends!) :)
 

Kwiksliver

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Good evening to all,

I need your opinion on a personal matter.

To put it simply, today I had an appointment with a personal development coach.
To summarize this session, she told me that I had to get out of my comfort zone to take the first step in entrepreneurship.
This comfort zone is being at my parents' house, to tell you the truth, I’ll be 19 in April.

To get out of this comfort zone she advised me to go abroad for several months. It may sound simple put like that, but to me it’s super hard.

Do you think that the fact of becoming independent, of having to "survive" by oneself is the solution, the trigger to move things forward ?

Wouldn’t it be like the story of our dear MJ, who went to him in Phoenix, who had to work to pay his rent, who developed his skills and found that famous trigger?

I know some people will think that’s life, and that’s how it is.
However, I am open to any answer.

Thank you so much!
Its very easy for a "personal development coach" to say "move abroad, get experience, get out of your comfort zone etc". I'm not clear on what qualifies this "personal development coach" to tell you this, but I CAN tell you that the likelihood of "going abroad" won't help you anymore than staying at home. Wherever you live (I'm in the UK for example) you can find many ways of stepping out of your comfort zone, without spending X amount of £££ in doing so. It's not about where you ARE, but how you think, how you perceive the world around you. NOBODY can tell you the best way to do this, because it's personal. You could simply start looking at things in a different way, change the way you do things, quit your 9-5 job, move to the city, it doesn't matter - the main thing that drives you out of your comfort zone is embracing CHANGE
 

Melv

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First off what do you do now? How much does this 'personal development coach' know about you? How long have you been under her direction and how has she helped you develop so far?

Also why do you feel the need to have a coach? Just trying to get some perspective.
First of all, thank you for your time.

To tell you the truth, this is the first time I’ve seen a coach.
I didn’t initiate this meeting, my mother insisted that I go. She says I have a lack of confidence in myself.
That would be the reason why I do not dare advance any project.

Besides, which I didn’t say, the coach told me enough times that I was an intellectual. What she means by that is that my brain is full of book information, videos... But that last my body did not follow.

I hope I have answered your answer clearly.
 

Melv

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All this "get out of your comfort zone" has two reasons:
The first one is that it challanges you to do something you wouldn't normally do, and assuming you wouldn't do something stupid you probably will get some reward for it later. This is the "delayed gratification" @Ismail941 mentioned.
The second one is that it always influences you perspective. You get new ideas, get to know different angles of thinking, meet new people.

The only thing you have to think about, is in what direction should you go that would benefit you the most. And there you must go directly, even if it's uncomfortable.
Thank you for your answer.

Now, no one is predicting the future, I don’t know what he’s waiting for me in another country.
Then it is true, that the fact that it is a "challenge", that I take charge of myself, that I become independent, I think it is something good.

I need to ask myself some questions.
 

Melv

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From my perspective, going abroad and managing to "survive" will boost your creativity. You will see how many problems you will face and how are able to solve them
Thank you for your answer.

I think so too, it will be a challenge.
 

Melv

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Aug 22, 2020
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I think there is so no specific SOLUTION to move things forward. For others yes it may be just moving out and getting out and being in a whole new environment. For some it may be some catastrophic event that triggers to move things forward like a Fu*k this event that @MJ DeMarco has mentioned in his books.

No specific solution but definitely a common element of being UNCOMFORTABLE first!

I think what you’re really asking when you say is moving aboard and “surviving” the solution is that - you really want to know if the uncomfortableness is worth it or perhaps you’re wondering do you really need to do the uncomfortable to move forward?

Anyway as Henry Ford said “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you always got”

I also believe in order to achieve the comfortable (unscripted life) you’re going to need to start getting use to being uncomfortable because if you aren’t going to do it, someone else will and that someone else is what separates them being the 1% from the 99% mediocrity living their scripted life.

Have a great day!

(Btw I’m also 19 too! We could be friends!) :)
Hello,

Thank you for your answer.

Yes, your question is closer to the answer I’m looking for in my heart.

"you really want to know if the uncomfortableness is worth it or perhaps you’re wondering do you really need to do the uncomfortable to move forward?"

As for my answer I have it, yes, i think it will be beneficial to leave, to live experiences.

Actually, again, I’m trying to make excuses not to leave this area..
 

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Melv

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Aug 22, 2020
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Clearly and clearly, I did not add anything.

I thank you for that.
Its very easy for a "personal development coach" to say "move abroad, get experience, get out of your comfort zone etc". I'm not clear on what qualifies this "personal development coach" to tell you this, but I CAN tell you that the likelihood of "going abroad" won't help you anymore than staying at home. Wherever you live (I'm in the UK for example) you can find many ways of stepping out of your comfort zone, without spending X amount of £££ in doing so. It's not about where you ARE, but how you think, how you perceive the world around you. NOBODY can tell you the best way to do this, because it's personal. You could simply start looking at things in a different way, change the way you do things, quit your 9-5 job, move to the city, it doesn't matter - the main thing that drives you out of your comfort zone is embracing CHANGE
 

RazorCut

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First of all, thank you for your time.

To tell you the truth, this is the first time I’ve seen a coach.
I didn’t initiate this meeting, my mother insisted that I go. She says I have a lack of confidence in myself.
That would be the reason why I do not dare advance any project.

Besides, which I didn’t say, the coach told me enough times that I was an intellectual. What she means by that is that my brain is full of book information, videos... But that last my body did not follow.

I hope I have answered your answer clearly.

The reason I asked was I had the exact same opinion that @Kwiksliver indicated. In other words have you had a long experience with this 'coach' who knows you well after months of consultations or is that just what her default view is 'move afar and be forced to stand on your own two feet' because that's probably what your mother has indicated to her that she wants.

Do you have a job? Do you contribute to your families expenses or are you a burden? A drain on their resources? Regardless of their financial position at 19 you should be making a contribution that, at the very least, matches the costs having you at home incurs.

She says I have a lack of confidence in myself.
That would be the reason why I do not dare advance any project.

Is that what you believe? Do you lack confidence in yourself or are you just afraid of failure? They are two distinctly different issues.

Overcoming fear of failure comes from practice and adjusting your mindset to know that there is no such thing as failure, only feedback. You only fail when you refuse to move forward. Every attempt is progress regardless of the outcome.

Overcoming a lack of confidence is probably why they want to throw you in the deep end in a foreign land with a sink or swim attitude. Apart from the issues we all face regarding Covid (I am in Spain and we are not even allowed out of our own municipality at the moment, let alone the country), where are you supposed to go and how will you fund these exploits?

There are many challenges you can face in your own area that will help develop confidence, you don't need to travel halfway around the world to find them. They are literally in your backyard.

If your mother is determined to have you leave home then be respectful of her wishes (you are not a child anymore) but you would do better to stay local enough so you don't drown. Just having your own flat or renting a room in a shared house will be a good starting point. Also finding work if you do not have any. I know this is very difficult in the current climate if you have an employee mindset but if you think like an entrepreneur there are loads of opportunities to start a small local business with little capital investment. That will build character and confidence I can assure you.
 

Melv

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The reason I asked was I had the exact same opinion that @Kwiksliver indicated. In other words have you had a long experience with this 'coach' who knows you well after months of consultations or is that just what her default view is 'move afar and be forced to stand on your own two feet' because that's probably what your mother has indicated to her that she wants.

Do you have a job? Do you contribute to your families expenses or are you a burden? A drain on their resources? Regardless of their financial position at 19 you should be making a contribution that, at the very least, matches the costs having you at home incurs.



Is that what you believe? Do you lack confidence in yourself or are you just afraid of failure? They are two distinctly different issues.

Overcoming fear of failure comes from practice and adjusting your mindset to know that there is no such thing as failure, only feedback. You only fail when you refuse to move forward. Every attempt is progress regardless of the outcome.

Overcoming a lack of confidence is probably why they want to throw you in the deep end in a foreign land with a sink or swim attitude. Apart from the issues we all face regarding Covid (I am in Spain and we are not even allowed out of our own municipality at the moment, let alone the country), where are you supposed to go and how will you fund these exploits?

There are many challenges you can face in your own area that will help develop confidence, you don't need to travel halfway around the world to find them. They are literally in your backyard.

If your mother is determined to have you leave home then be respectful of her wishes (you are not a child anymore) but you would do better to stay local enough so you don't drown. Just having your own flat or renting a room in a shared house will be a good starting point. Also finding work if you do not have any. I know this is very difficult in the current climate if you have an employee mindset but if you think like an entrepreneur there are loads of opportunities to start a small local business with little capital investment. That will build character and confidence I can assure you.
I will answer everything I have to ask you step by step.

that's probably what your mother has indicated to her that she wants.​
Last night, I said what the coach told me, that I had to have experiences abroad.
My mom’s reaction was to cry and say "she’s stupid this one !"

Do you have a job? Do you contribute to your families expenses or are you a burden? A drain on their resources?
To sum up, I dropped out of school this year because it wasn’t for me.
Then several "messes" took place because I wasn’t doing anything according to them.
So I applied in different jobs and to tell you I’m still waiting for answers.

Is that what you believe? Do you lack confidence in yourself or are you just afraid of failure? They are two distinctly different issues.
I’ve talked about this myself,

This coach’s answer was the same, leaves and you will have "solved the problem".

I told him clearly that I was afraid of failure. But I bounced back on the fact that failure for me is not to insist, in my opinion, without failure, success does not exist to make it simple, the two go together.

Overcoming fear of failure comes from practice and adjusting your mindset to know that there is no such thing as failure, only feedback. You only fail when you refuse to move forward. Every attempt is progress regardless of the outcome.
Strongly agree

where are you supposed to go and how will you fund these exploits?
I don't know, I haven’t thought about that yet

if you think like an entrepreneur there are loads of opportunities to start a small local business with little capital investment.
In fact, I am going to ask restaurateurs for their opinion on a project.
As a member has done, this will have to enlighten me on the need of our restaurateurs.

That will build character and confidence I can assure you.
I have no doubt about it
 

Andy Black

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she told me that I had to get out of my comfort zone to take the first step in entrepreneurship.
I’d say the first step in entrepreneurship is to help someone?

What’s comfort got to do with it, unless that came up as a big issue in your session with her?

To answer “Do I need experience?”, I’d say you don’t need experience to help someone.
 

Melv

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I’d say the first step in entrepreneurship is to help someone?

What’s comfort got to do with it, unless that came up as a big issue in your session with her?

To answer “Do I need experience?”, I’d say you don’t need experience to help someone.
Hi Andy,

From what I understood, when she told me to get out of my comfort zone, the goal was to gain self-confidence, to discover new things, to meet people, to discover myself surely.

To prove to me that I can do it.
 
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Andy Black

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Hi Andy,

From what I understood, when she told me to get out of my comfort zone, the goal was to gain self-confidence, to discover new things, to meet people, to discover myself surely.

To prove to me that I can do it.
Admirable goals for sure.

Was the goal to get your first step into entrepreneurship though? If it was then I’d say the first step is to find someone who needs help and then help them.
 

Melv

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Admirable goals for sure.

Was the goal to get your first step into entrepreneurship though? If it was then I’d say the first step is to find someone who needs help and then help them.
I’m a very ambitious person.

And yes, the goal is indeed to pass the first step.

But to tell you, I am currently doing the same thing as you are with Google Doc, a questionnaire and my project.

I posted this form on different facebook groups related to my project.
For now, a response via the form.

But I have noticed a certain mentality in some people.
They do not want my help, they prefer to set me on fire like the gurus who sell their training rather than give me their opinion.

I MEAN, I’m gonna let it all go on the weekend.

If I don’t have an answer, I would assume that I need to improve my approach to people.
 

Andy Black

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They do not want my help, they prefer to set me on fire like the gurus who sell their training rather than give me their opinion.
I don’t follow. Can you rephrase?
 

Andy Black

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At least I’ll try.

Basically, these people put me in the same bag as the dream salesmen.
Ah, gotcha. So you posted in people’s Facebook groups.

I posted to my own personal profile. The only people who should see that are people who I’m at least a friend with on Facebook.

Let me know what you think of this chat I had with a forum member:
 

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Knugs

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Good evening to all,

I need your opinion on a personal matter.

To put it simply, today I had an appointment with a personal development coach.
To summarize this session, she told me that I had to get out of my comfort zone to take the first step in entrepreneurship.
This comfort zone is being at my parents' house, to tell you the truth, I’ll be 19 in April.

To get out of this comfort zone she advised me to go abroad for several months. It may sound simple put like that, but to me it’s super hard.

Do you think that the fact of becoming independent, of having to "survive" by oneself is the solution, the trigger to move things forward ?

Wouldn’t it be like the story of our dear MJ, who went to him in Phoenix, who had to work to pay his rent, who developed his skills and found that famous trigger?

I know some people will think that’s life, and that’s how it is.
However, I am open to any answer.

Thank you so much!

Best decision in my life was to move out.

At 16 I moved to the UK not knowing how to speak english. I'm now 29 and I have lived in 3 countries and 6 cities.

It forces you into independence and out of your comfort zone. Your purpose changes. For me I was an average student and then I got into a top 3 medical school in the country.

You learn to solve problems because you have to. You learn to live frugally. You learn to communicate with others and understand relationships.

You get to reset yourself and be the person you want to be without any judgement from others that have known you in the past.

This means you befriend like minded people and doors open you never thought existed.

You will enjoy this persona and it will drive you internally. It will change your life perspective. It prepares you for the entrepreneurial world, because you understand life from a different perspective.

...


And then you visit old friends and family years later and you will realise how you have outgrown them. How you actually have nothing in common with your old friends. You will realise you have moved up.

If you have the opportunity then take it. You will not regret it. If it turns bad you just go back home.
 

Melv

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Ah, gotcha. So you posted in people’s Facebook groups.

I posted to my own personal profile. The only people who should see that are people who I’m at least a friend with on Facebook.

Let me know what you think of this chat I had with a forum member:
Thanks again for sharing Andy,

After listening to everything, read.

I conclude that one must be natural, even a little selfish I would say no?
 

Andy Black

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I conclude that one must be natural, even a little selfish
I think most people can tell if we have a genuine desire to help them. I also think we do the world a disservice if we go out of business. So the trick is to get paid to help people so we can the. help even more. I think we serve our market better if we don’t spend too much time on those who aren’t our market.
 

Kevin88660

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Good evening to all,

I need your opinion on a personal matter.

To put it simply, today I had an appointment with a personal development coach.
To summarize this session, she told me that I had to get out of my comfort zone to take the first step in entrepreneurship.
This comfort zone is being at my parents' house, to tell you the truth, I’ll be 19 in April.

To get out of this comfort zone she advised me to go abroad for several months. It may sound simple put like that, but to me it’s super hard.

Do you think that the fact of becoming independent, of having to "survive" by oneself is the solution, the trigger to move things forward ?

Wouldn’t it be like the story of our dear MJ, who went to him in Phoenix, who had to work to pay his rent, who developed his skills and found that famous trigger?

I know some people will think that’s life, and that’s how it is.
However, I am open to any answer.

Thank you so much!
There is some sense of logic but it is a very overrated concept.

If you are lazy at home and dependent on your parents for everything, then live alone and go work a minimum wage tough job is a good training.

Gates and Zuckerberg had full family support (quite wealthy background) that afford them to take more risk without fear. The idea that middle class ordinary kids should ignore their family resources and be “independently successful” is a laughing joke to me.

Let me give you another example. Military people are most independent people that you could find, dealing in high stress situations in oversea missions. Many had problems transiting to civilian life. Being “independent on their own” is not the same as being successful.

People like Donald Trump and Warren Buffett cannot even use emails. I am sure they are dependent on others daily on multiple levels.

The most independent young kids are kids who left school and home at age 15 selling drugs, doing crimes, going in and out of prison.

A lot of the middle-class dogma is just not true.

Try solve specific problem in your life and don’t invite a new untested dogma into it.

Right now your mom is trying to help you as you dropped out of school and is still waiting for news on a new job. This is how I see it.

The options are going back to school, keep finding a job or start a business, not some mumbo jumbo about confidence or independence.

I highly recommend kick start the momentum with a job. It helps you understands how a business works. How an organization works and keep every staff accountable. How do they do their customer service. You are literally working for a business.

It helps you review your current decisions. Maybe you realized that school is better and you go back to school after 1-2 years of working.

It helps you with the “real independence” which is financial independence. Whether you are studying in school or doing a business you are reliant on your parents and they have control over you. If you pay your own bills you control your life. Someone pays for you then someone else controls you.
 

Melv

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I think most people can tell if we have a genuine desire to help them. I also think we do the world a disservice if we go out of business. So the trick is to get paid to help people so we can the. help even more. I think we serve our market better if we don’t spend too much time on those who aren’t our market.
Yes, I understand what you mean.
 

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