Are We In a Relationship?

[Almantas]

So, it's been over a year since this was updated.

I guess you've moved on @Almantas or is she lingering in the background?

Hi Sean!

Yeah, it's been a long time. Time flies so fast... A year ago I was very weak and in a middle of a severe clinical depression. It was a moment I was looking for someone to share my pain with. It was a moment I felt very lonely and ignored by the world. Therefore, it resulted in this thread and abovementioned behaviour...

It took me almost a year to finally see a bright side of the situation and am now self-reliant and not obsessed about this girl. I literally stopped chasing her, but didn't ignore her. She is still in my life, but now she's the one asking for my time and chasing my tail. I won't lie - it feels good. But I don't see her as a girlfriend material anymore, just a friend.

I finally learned how to be happy by myself, without needing any chic to help me do that. It feels awesome!

 

[carlolacson]

Hi Guys,

At the beginning of our seeings she was kinda cold and said that she doesn't want me to fall in love with her, when I asked her out after only 3 months of seeing her.

The thing is...in multiple occasions we were sitting together in a close enough proximity for me to kiss her. However, I did not. I like her a lot and don't want to mess things up, however I also realize that by moving too slowly I might lose her, but then again...if she likes me, she would not leave me just for this, I suppose. To put it simply, I've never kissed her yet, because I had no balls to do so.

Don't be the nice guy bro and you'll be ended up in the FRIENDZONE! Give her the option to TAKE IT or LEAVE IT otherwise you're just torturing yourself

I was in the exact situation as you are. These types of girls usually use you for their temporary comfort.

 

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[luniac]

Wat r you doing hanging out with girls!?!? THERES BUSINESS TO BE DONE!!!!

p.s.
shoulda just went for the kiss, uncertainty is exciting.

 

[mrarcher]

I've noticed a lot of replies in this thread begin to mention relationships then jump to SEEEEXXXX! You'll have enough sex in your lifetime trust me. Take it off the table and build a decent relationship. Would you be happy with someone after you for your money? If your main focus is sex its not much different.

 

[BlackPebbles]

Props to thee. Glad to hear it.

Expect a flurry of carrot-dangling so she can try and regain control.

You ain't no bitch's donkey tho.

 

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[Almantas]

I'll strictly obey a rule of "don't try to chase a cat, do/have what cat loves and it will come to you voluntarily". It might sound lazy,but I am really pissed off with these relationship mind games (p.s. two days ago she called me out for a 'date' - yes, a DATE - that's what she told me). Anyways, I have many more girls whom I meet occasionally and who appear to be more rational decision makers in general and I also don't need some emotional energy drainer in my life...maybe I drain my emotional energy myself, but if this is the case, she is an effective helper of this activity

Thanks for your input, guys.

 

[Almantas]

I dunno, bro. Define "relationship."

On second thought, don't bother.

Why bother?

I heard a good quote recently: You lose money chasing women. You DON'T lose women chasing money.

The trick of the game is to get them to chase you.

I completely agree with you. IMO chasing women and trying to win their heart is pure waste of time, even if you do win her heart there's no guarantee she will always be with you, there are simply too many variables that may affect her attitude down the road and break your heart. Call me pussy, not man enough or other 'cool' beta names, but I don't have time for this drama anymore. I made a firm decision of working on myself physically and mentally and concentrating 100% on hustling, rather than thinking about her or any other woman.

As per going for a kiss. I already mentioned, she firmly declared "I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I hope we are just friends"....and then she goes... "We look so nice together, we really fulfill each other in many ways" or "you are my soul mate" and she often gets jealous when other women tag me when we go visit places....so I am really pissed off with this. She knows I DO LIKE HER, because I told her. She told me she doesn't see me as a partner, but chases my tail.... She's 28 and should be more mature IMO.

Maybe I am wrong, maybe she's right, maybe my perception of what is right and wrong is flawed...but I am trying to concentrate on what attracts a cat, instead of chasing a cat. IMO having what cat loves opens a lot more doors than simply chasing a cat around the tree.

Cheers again - for your input, guys!

 

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[Ninjakid]

Your story is actually a very interesting demonstration of how relationships can be, or not be manifested.

From the way it sounds to me, she genuinely does have very strong feelings about you. Perhaps she even loves you. If you will, assume her perspective for a moment. She has been with the same guy for 6 years and she's 28 now. She was probably planning on marrying that guy, and she likely invested a lot into the relationship. Now that it's over, a good part of people her age are engaged or married, or only looking for serious long term relationships. And for her, she's just out of a long term relationship, and now the world is her palette, and she's completely free to try dating new people which she couldn't before. But on the other hand she still has contact with her ex who she has that connection with over all those years, perhaps she feels like the relationship is salvageable, and she could be with the person she loved for all those years again instead of trying to rebuild a totally new relationship. Then she finds you, who seems to her to embody all the qualities she finds so interesting now after her long-term relationship, but she doesn't trust her feelings well enough to know if thats infatuation that will fade away once she has you, or if you and her will actually make a good couple.

Given what you've said about her and the fact that I only know about her what you've told me, I don't think she's a sociopathic or manipulative person. She just sounds genuinely confused with her feelings. She wants to keep you because she sincerely likes you, but at the same time she doesn't want to burn any other bridges. Once she does anything physical with you it's not like she can just go back to her ex and act like nothing happened.

My point is that her games aren't a strategy on her part, and she doesn't plan out some diabolical method to keep you on a leash. When you seem distant from her she gets worried because she thinks, "oh shit, this guy is starting to lose interest. What if I lose him forever! I love him and I need him!"

Her whole internal conflict is a battle of "I want that freedom to try new things" and "I found someone who I have a deep connection with and I want to keep him."

That said, I think you made the best decision for you for the sake of your own sanity. You're going to look back on this and think you did all you could, and you finally had enough. She's likely going to look back on this and think had she had her own emotions under control, she could've enjoyed her time with you some more.

But humans are not rational. And less so when it comes to emotions in relationships. Then it's more like all the worlds hurricanes sucked into a single tornado which creates a rip in the space-time continuum.

In the end, this was a valuable lesson which you'll come back from wiser than before.

 

[Almantas]

Just read this thread this morning.

Here is my read of the situation. Her and her ex are still hooking up and she is using you as the emotional side of a relationship that she can't get from him. I have seen this many times before. One guy won't commit but the girl is still into him. She uses another guy up for all the parts of the relationship that the first guy won't provide - dates, romantic talk, emotional luggage.

When I worked in oil I had a girl I would casually hook up with when I was back in town. She had a guy who used to do all the stuff that I didn't have time for when I was gone. I would see FB photos of them at the cinema, eating ice cream, going for jogs. I presume he thought she would eventually 'see the light' and go with the guy (him) who is providing everything he thinks she needs but it doesn't work that way. Attraction isn't a choice. I eventually ended it and he was still sitting on the bench waiting for his chance. She had about 3 or 4 guys waiting on the bench after him too.

On a deeper biological level the reason for this is that a partner doesn't value what they can get too easily. By making yourself so invested without any real (sexual) commitment on her behalf you are basically saying that you have a low sexual value in the 'marketplace'. You can't logically convince her to be attracted to you and at this stage she probably won't ever be.

Some harsh truths in here but I think you need to hear them. You are wasting a lot of time and effort on this and bottom line - this girl will never truly be attracted to you, even if you get a relationship I don't think you could trust her fully. This isn't a reflection on you as a person, only on the dating approach you used.

Cut your losses, stop hanging out with her. She will try to stuck you back in cause she will miss the attention but just move on. Block number, FB, don't meet up. She might seem nice but she is using you.

In the future a good general dating approach is to have a lot of options going on at once. Just like applying for 10 jobs instead of just one you will be naturally less nervous, more fun and not over thinking small stuff. This is naturally attractive to girls. Someone already posted it but once a guy mentions 'this one girl' they need to move on. Hit me up on PM if you want some more advice.

Thanks mate! Great advice! As per amount of girls I am seeing, I am not bound to this single girl and she knows that. I am from time to time seeing 3 girls now. When I do something fun with them they post photos on Facebook and tag me in and other girls typically get jealous. I am not trying to make them jealous, it just works this way. Also, all girls, including the one I addressed in this thread, are jealous and regularly mention that they don't like the fact that I am seeing multiple girls at once. It's just a game, time to move on from all this drama for good. My inner me tells me to look the other way and I'll do it now. No time for this bullshit anymore. Maybe the right woman will cross my life path, maybe not, what I know for a fact is that I will never ever put all eggs in a single basket again.

 

[Almantas]

In this context, "visits" means something else. She's not worthy one more moment of your life.



+1000




This in itself is ugly, plus it makes as much sense as "I really don't like beer, so I drink it every day".




She's just playing you, it's a game for her. You shouldn't put any weight on her words because there isn't any.




Man, you're at the best age ever!

Bald = Bold
Older = Mature

All good stuff.


You can have a girlfriend and work on your business too. And she can actually support you, help you succeed and keep you in check.

Just move on from this one.

Experience will teach you what a waste of time she was, and how many other options you have as soon as tonight...girls in your city, at the bars, on the streets, at the beaches, libraries, meetups, friends of your friends...great, quality girls, looking for a quality guy like yourself and wondering if such a guy even exists.

Your options are vast and abundant, and I hope you'll make the best out of it. To that - I toast

Thanks very much! Have no words to describe how thankful I am for your contribution to this thread! If it wasn't for you guys, I would have been in a lot worse situation than now...probably still thinking and daydreaming about her. But...now I honestly don't give a F about her anymore. I am slowly detaching myself emotionally from her. She's not genuine product on the market anyways.

 

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[NewJamesBond]

The whole time I read that I thought you were sleeping with her and you were going to end the post saying that you were scared to commit to her...
I write that because it sounds like your relationship with her is already very intimate. It sounds like you've been dating her for months, not as if you had just been friends.

If you want to kiss her, kiss her. – I would suggest on working on yourself; you need to just be able to stand up and take the risk, I mean if you want a sexual/romantic relationship with her.

 

[Dwight Schrute]

I like her a lot and don't want to mess things up

Tell her. Next time when "in reach", tell/warn her.

what's going on in my situation, guys?

no balls

 

[GuestUser8117]

The thing is...in multiple occasions we were sitting together in a close enough proximity for me to kiss her. However, I did not. I like her a lot and don't want to mess things up, however I also realize that by moving too slowly I might lose her, but then again...if she likes me, she would not leave me just for this, I suppose. To put it simply, I've never kissed her yet, because I had no balls to do so.

Look her into the eyes and kiss her!

 

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[Almantas]

It's really that. I don't want to burst your bubble @Almantas, but in my experience, anytime a girl leads you on without telling you whether she likes you or not (or whether you guys are official) is usually a red flag.

I say try option A, the worst that can happen, it ends the night, the best? You get some.

She mentioned multiple times that she never met anyone so special as me. Sent quotes and songs with the titles such as "always with you" and "my only soul mate". There were more hints than this, but this should had been enough for me to make a move already I guess.

 

[Almantas]

Oh Geez. All of the signs are there.

I say this as someone who used to do the same thing.

For many women, it can be extremely frustrating to give the guy 'all of the signs' and they're still clueless. MANY (not all) women want the guy to make the first move. All you have to do is look for the subtle social queue's, in your case by saying "I THINK YOUR MY SOULMATE" she's hitting you on the head with a hammer.

The next time you see her just walk straight up to her and kiss her. Don't even say anything. Just do it.

Either that or be absolutely sure to commit yourself to doing it before she walks away after your 'night on the beach'. Many times people wuss out because of the pressure at the end. If you do it up front it makes it much easier.

I will make this move next time I see her. At least I'll have a fresh head for business after this regardless of what happens, instead of sitting at 3am and looking for a solution online...

 

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[Supa]

Reading your OP seems like she really likes you. Now it's up to you to find out if she likes you in a friend way or in a romantic way.

I see a lot of signs there that she's also interested in a romantic relationship, but she probably won't do the first step, that's up to you.

I remember one situation, where I was hanging out with one girl for a few weeks. I really had a crush on her but always thought she was out of my league. We had an awesome time everytime we hung out together, we talked on the phone for hours sometimes laughing non stop, sometimes talking about serious topics. I always wanted to take that step and kiss her,

but I never did.

After a while we lost contact. I felt like shit. I was laying in bed all day thinking about what could have happened if I just had the balls to kiss her.

Then one night, when she was drunk, she called me and we talked for a while when I said "man I really F*cked that up huh?" and she answered "yes you did, I gave you so many signs but you seemed to just not see them. Imagine what could have happened if you would have kissed me at one of the several perfect opportunities.."

Don't let that happen to you @Almantas, trust me I felt like shit for a long time for not taking action. Kissing her and getting rejected may feel shitty for a few moments, but it's nothing compared to the thought of what could have been.

 

[Evil_Jester]

no balls no babies

 

[Duane]

There are way too many women out there to settle on one. There are no soul mates. Anybody is a match for anyone else. For some reason women don't realize this which is why they think love is real, when in reality it's just an emotional response. That so called love can disapear in the blink of an eye given the right circumstance. Unfortunately long term relationships do not work really. Men reluctantly give in to relationships and then sign away their lives when they get married and start hitting themselves after a few years when they have nothing to talk about, stop receiving regular sex, and then their wives get fat and stop taking care of themselves. Don't fall for the bait. They try to suck you in. This girl works at a cafe. That means you will end up paying for everything when she doesn't ever "find herself". And like Aimee above said they expect you to lead. If you are not a leader as many "nice guys" are not, they will sh*t on you and ultimately they will choose another guy. Sorry to be negative but this really is the way it is whether men will admit it, and women have no idea how men are. All these people who have been married for 5+ years are not happy and are going to be a lot more unhappy when they lose 50-70% of their net worth in divorce. I realize you aren't even in a relationship yet but this is a warning and some foresight into what the red pill holds for you.

What we tend to think is going to happen normally ends up being the case. If you think women and relationships are that way, they will be that way. However, your views are very sad and twisted. I promise you they are far from that, unless you are dating scum.. There are shitty women and shitty men.

I tend to find that we attract that which we are. So if you have a low self esteem and low confidence, then that's the kind of girls that will be attracted to you. Not a girl with high self worth and is going somewhere in life. She will only want to be with a guy on that level.

Long term relationships work, but it's A LOT HARDER than just finding a new one. It requires you to always be changing things up, keeping that chemistry fresh and alive and that love strong. That's why divorce is so high, we settle. We fall into patterns and things get boring for both parties.

Girls with strong morale's and a high self esteem are very faithful and trustworthy. They will be by your side through all of it and as long as you keep pushing forward and don't settle, things will never get boring and they will never stray.

I've been in multi-year long relationships and have had my share of one night stands. I can promise you the one night stands aren't anywhere close to as fulfilling and passionate as being with that one person you've grown fond of. As an added bonus, you have a partner with you through thick and thin. It's not you vs the world, its you two vs the world.

 

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[mrarcher]

I've been with my wife since I was 13. That's coming up for 11 years and we are very happy. And she's still hot as F*ck! Maybe there isn't Soulmates but I am happier believing there is and that I have mine.

There are way too many women out there to settle on one. There are no soul mates. Anybody is a match for anyone else. For some reason women don't realize this which is why they think love is real, when in reality it's just an emotional response. That so called love can disapear in the blink of an eye given the right circumstance. Unfortunately long term relationships do not work really. Men reluctantly give in to relationships and then sign away their lives when they get married and start hitting themselves after a few years when they have nothing to talk about, stop receiving regular sex, and then their wives get fat and stop taking care of themselves. Don't fall for the bait. They try to suck you in. This girl works at a cafe. That means you will end up paying for everything when she doesn't ever "find herself". And like Aimee above said they expect you to lead. If you are not a leader as many "nice guys" are not, they will sh*t on you and ultimately they will choose another guy. Sorry to be negative but this really is the way it is whether men will admit it, and women have no idea how men are. All these people who have been married for 5+ years are not happy and are going to be a lot more unhappy when they lose 50-70% of their net worth in divorce. I realize you aren't even in a relationship yet but this is a warning and some foresight into what the red pill holds for you.

 

[GIlman]

You'll never get the girl you want. You have to take the girl you want.

Passivity and weakness are not qualities I've ever heard a girl expess as something they desire. What is (nearly) every girls dieing desire? "To be swept off their feet.". Ive never once heard one fantasize about "i just woke up one day and realized i kinda liked him".

The other thing you hear ALL the time is girls afraid of guys who won't commit. Ever heard that one before. If she does like you, im willing to bet almost 100% this very concern is going through her head right at this moment, she's probably beginning to question if your that guy.

What is committing, its taking your relationship to the next logical step (in her mind at least). Girls biology is just different than ours. Most girls want children and families. They have a small window of time to do this and their psychology/biology is geared towards finding a suitable mate and proceeding down the pathway to have children and feel protected and safe in the relationship.

So make a bold strong move. If she rejects you now, she will never (really) accept you later. If she did almost certainly it would not be a great relationship, i.e. you were the last resort or backup option.

Best if luck. Let us know how it goes

 

[mrarcher]

Thank you! Solid reply. I totally agree that I shouldn't waste more time and look for excuses to cover my subconscious fear of possible rejection. I have to overcome this as soon as possible before the ship sails out.

I think since she has already knocked you back pushing it further will most likely drive her away. Maybe she just needs the emotional attachment and isn't looking for a relationship. Do you want to know the 100% guaranteed way to get women? Don't try to get women!

 

[Rawr]

As promised, update on the situation:

Met her today, not in an ideal place for a kiss. After some consultation with women I decided to confront her with a question (instead of a plain kiss) regarding intimacy of our relationship. To put it simply, she said that she, at the moment, enjoys freedom, seeing different people and just using time to find herself. I made it very clear that I do like her and would like to share my future with her and would not compromise her freedom in any way.

This meeting was a reminder to her that my intentions are more than just being friends and that I am not willing to be placed in a friend-zone. It's a weird situation, sometimes it seems she turns on her defense mode when I confront her about our relationship, but then again, she is chasing me when I ignore her and work on improving my own life....

I am on the other side of the spectrum from you. I have no issues getting to sex with a girl, it's the stuff after that, that's hard. (Btw, I've found out getting to sex is like 30% of the whole thing..the relationship is the 70%)


So, on that note,

To imagine that there was a guy who knew a girl, who was interested in a girl, it'd be logical he'd ask her out, right?

and if she said, 'no, sorry', then he'd say 'well, next."

but if this guy didn't do it, and hung around for a year, just getting to know her, it would be worth asking why is this guy doing this to himself, does he not want what he said he wants?

but the guy isn't sure she is interested, he wants to present himself at his best, he wants the perfect time... well, this guy is worried about the wrong things.

if she is single, he needs to be just asking her, 'do you want to go out with me?'

that's all. because that's all he can really do.

a year is a long time for a girl to wait for a guy to ask her out, that she likes. if she really liked him, she'd make big hints for some time, but no girl will wait a year.

so, i think you got yourself a girl who sees you as another guy to call when bored.

if you want her to see you as a guy she wants to go out with, be romantic with, to have sex with, then you need to be that guy. But she knows who you are now - to her, you aren't this guy.

so leave her alone, go get busy. don't meet up with her for a few weeks.

then realize that this is not going to work out, unless SHE becomes attracted to you, and there isn't much you can do- you need advanced game to turn her attraction on. But you can't do advanced yet. Your beginner game is to stand up for yourself -and learn from this, and don't wait a year with the next girl you'll find attractive. There will be.

 

[BlackPebbles]

If it's this hard, it's a bad sign, imo.

She's an older woman, and the first thing older women get cool with is jumping younger dudes.

I feel like this thread opened a portal to the 1950s.[emoji156][emoji164]

Take people at their word... she said "don't fall in love with me". Translation: messed up in the head over last human/emotionally unavailable.

To my way of thinking, it should be easy. And yes, I'm a chick. Everything about it should be flow and easy, and can't wait to be alone ... attack each other when the elevator door closes... that kind of attraction. Anything less is selling yourself short and wasting life.

The challenge should be keeping your mitts off each other in public rather than working how to get your mitts ON each other!

Two people should be equally gagging for it or you may have a flounder of a relationship on your hands.

Query anyone who knows a soulmate without the kiss. If either of you is a dud kisser or a dud in the sack, this soul mate jag is going to be over in a flash.

Direct communication wins. Chemistry wins. Not wasting time wins.

 

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[Mattie]

This is just my two cents on the subject, but when it comes to soul mate type relationships it's not about moving fast, and regardless whether you've kissed her or not, it will work its self out in time. Soulmates are more about being best friends, companions, and usually a lot of personal growth and development involved through the whole journey. It's not about being negative and conflict as much as learning to accept each other for who you are.

It's more about letting go of all the world's slush about relationships and pretty much like Entrepreneurship to a degree. Getting over yourself, getting over your fears, getting over the past wounds, and trusting yourself and each other.

From what you've stated, it sounds like you've already been creating this and bonding over time, and that's probably why she's feeling you're a soul mate, and not the average pick up artist or bad relationships that end up breaking you down instead of building you up.

Why it's taking so long is because you're both getting over your fears and doing a lot of learning about self and each other.

Bringing up the horses again. Fortunately, you mirror each other, and if one of you fears something and makes the other one feel it's unsafe, the other one will buck and withdraw or pull away. If you show it's safe to be an open book and intimate, the other one will as well.

It's pretty much like this in a relationship. You've dated other people and have a past history with family. Bad experiences and you're relating to what you've experienced. Same thing with Entrepreneurship. You don't look backwards, and you don't compare the now with yesterday's mistakes and failures. Right now is all that matters.

You create your relationship by finding your own self worth first and getting past your fears. And focus on your own actions, thoughts, and feelings and let her worry about hers.

If you envision this, you're both dressed in protection "Hockey Gear as a visual" thinking if you get emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically involved, "I will get hurt." Both are thinking about this and looking backward. Sooner or later one of you has to be strong and courageous enough to take off the protection and gear and be open and vulnerable. It's a risk and learning to trust yourself with the other person. Virtually being naked emotionally, mentally, and spiritually with one another. Physical is only 10% of the relationship. The other 90% is being compatible and learning to move together as best friends and trusting one another with just about everything.

The average person never finds true love or a soul mate relationship because they're not willing to go the extra mile and go the distance in personal development and spiritual growth. Just like Entrepreneurship you both have to be two individuals willing to do the inner work, get through the obstacles, and learn to problem solve.

So my suggestion is if you are over being fearful of kissing her, go for it. If you make her feel it's safe to express herself in that way, she will open up. That's the mistake men make, they don't understand when they pull away from a woman they end up sending the message it's not safe for her to be open to receive love, affection, and intimacy.

You are the leader, and of course woman get frustrated waiting around forever and trying to figure out whether you're interested in her or not. And this is the biggest complaint I hear from woman. They're always waiting for some sign you're serious about a relationship and not playing mind games and you're in 100% and all the way.

 

[Supa]

If you're not ok with being friends then stop being there for her every whim.

Yes. I think everybody who had a crush on a girl and got friendzoned without being prepared for it knows how much it can hurt. I am not saying that there can't be a real friendship between men and women, I just think it is pretty hard if one wants a romantic relationship and the other one doesn't, there is one who gets hurt in this situation.

If you're happy with just being friends, go for it! I have a few great female friends who are just friends.

But if you're into her it will be very hard for you to deal with being just a friend. I had it happen more than once but one time was the hardest.. I was thinking about how to make the move and kiss her for weeks, when one day we sat in my car, talking, when she suddenly said something like "I want to find a guy like you, you know character-wise it would be perfect, but I just didn't find one yet." that sentence hit me like a slap.

I am now spending more time working on myself. She's in an emotional imbalance stage. She doesn't know what she wants. One day she tells one thing, another day another. I have enough stuff going on in my life already and I am looking for a woman who would be an asset rather than an emotional liability to me. I have stopped texting her often, so she started texting me telling that I am acting strangely. I don't have time for games. There is enough players in the field to take care of her. I am busy running my business.

Great to hear that. There are priorities to set, and your priority #1 being your business is probably the best way to get over her emotional imbalance.

 

[SteveO]

From reading this post, it seems like you figured this all out. Way to look at this situation in a step by step fashion. It is never easy but the clues are always there.

Again, great job.

 

[BlackPebbles]

Agreed. That soul mate shit was not ok.

 

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[ModernAlpha]

She was my everything and when she left me I was left with nothing

That frame of thinking is most men's biggest issue with dating/women. Making any woman your "everything" is extremely risky. Actually, making anything into your everything is risky. I suggest to my clients that its best to think of your life as sheet of paper divided into many boxes.. each box represents a portion of your time, things like: work, family time, gym, reading, girlfriend, friends, etc. Your goal is BALANCE among these areas. And to make each box something that enhances your life, and work to remove boxes that aren't ideal for you. Also it helps you realize that one woman or one job or one of any area isn't your "everything", each box is just a small part of your overall life, and if it temporarily goes to shit, its ok cause you have all the other boxes filled with things you enjoy.

 

[Mattie]

I would caution against trying to change someone or expecting a person to change. They often don't. And you will have a lot of headaches.

In my experience, it's best to take someone as they are. Determine what you want in a partner and stick with it. If a person does not meet your minimum standards in the present time, wish them well and move on to the next.

I agree 100% you don't change people and choose to love unconditionally without expectations. And sure for some relationships you just move on move on to the next. I suppose it's the couple and whether they naturally grow together and change by their own choice. In the a sense just like Entrepreneurship if you don't have the discipline, mindset, give up and quit just because things get hard or the other person isn't where you want them to be at the moment, then of course you'll never make it. What is relationships in life? Two people choosing each other every time and growing and learning together and working as a team or two people who do their own thing, reject each other, and abandon the relationship. This is key in my opinion whether two people are serious and want it to work, or just move on because they think there is someone better out there.

In Entrepreneurship and relationships what you have in common is stripping away all your negative thoughts, fears, and being whole and complete in yourself. And the other person has to do the same. If both aren't growing and changing over time at their own pace, yes, then it is apparent people will fall away whether it's friendship, family, and partner. Unless you're smart and remember how long it took you to change and grow and the process, and know they are right behind you. People are stupid sometimes and break up right when they're close to victory, just because they get fear or think things won't change. I mean even look at entrepreneurs parents or friends. Some entrepreneurs were rejected, abandoned, and thrown to the curb.

Why? People don't have the patience. They think you don't amount to anything. They believe certain things they create in their minds. Assume, conclude, and even attack your character. And what is the whole point or process in the end of relationships and entrepreneurship. While the world may reject and abandon you, and tell you are crap, the only person that matters in the end is how much love and respect you have for yourself. The biggest lesson to learn is we abandon and reject ourselves. And when you stop rejecting and abandoning our self, you learn something very important. Accepting yourself is learning you're unique and an individual. If you're authentic and true to yourself, of course you can be authentic and true to a partner and yourself. If you show up and don't abandon yourself, you won't abandon your partner or the rest of the world in entrepreneurship.

We self-sabotage ourselves in Entrepreneurship and relationships. Similar process. How bad do you want it? What are you going to do to make it work. What do you have to do differently to get different results? How are you going to problem solve? How are you going to get through the obstacles when they come up? Same questions to ask in a relationship?

Who cares what your partner really looks like or how much money they have. lol This is what the world chooses? Fortunately that doesn't mean crap. Hot and rich doesn't mean they'll stick around. And the two definite answers of divorce and separation. What's the reasons of having a relationship in the first place? And being a trophy wife or trophy husband never works either. lol You either have love or you don't. And love isn't always logical. As in Vigilante's case, his wife could have said, "I give zero F*cks" after his business went down. Instead she loved him, and had a better vision of him and their future together.

Some people have it, and some don't make it. I suppose it's whether your in it 100% or just there for the moment having a good time.

 

[InnovateDesign]

I have had a bad experience with a girl who didn't want to commit. I ended up kind of forcing her into a relationship with me because I was tired of being in the friend zone and hanging out with her all the time without any love. She even had sex with one of my good friends (so much for good friend). Turned out she was pretty crazy and really hard to tolerate anyways and I was just kind of obsessed with her and blind to the truth.

then I met my current girlfriend who came literally after this relationship and I couldn't be any happier. Almost 4 years and counting.

 

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