Advice: Has Anyone Groomed Themselves to Enter The American Elite?

[ApparentHorizon]

I have been invited to a grad party this weekend for the son of one of our wealthiest customers. Honestly, I'm an introvert and a loner for the most part. This is the last place I'd want to be. But this very customer has been instrumental in the growth of the business. This guy has put the word out to so many people which led to several more customers. The guy's great and very cool. But it's difficult for me to do this. My girlfriend is the people person. The extrovert. Its her forte and people love her. And she drags me into this stuff (lol)! Ugh.

Use your shyness/introversion to allow the person to speak. Talking about etiquette, not interrupting someone when they're talking about themselves, is the ultimate rapport builder.

 

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[Kak]

Interesting proper etiquette things that I have observed, was surprised by, and began doing with my wife.

Man holds door for woman, but walks ahead of her into an establishment. Kind of a protective thing like the road side of the sidewalk.

Man orders food for the woman. Kind of a pain in the a$$, but proper. "The lady will have X" she usually will answer any questions the waiter or waitress will have.

Man stands up (or a "half rise") at the table when a woman gets up to walk away or is about to sit down.

Man holds the chairs for a woman until she is seated, not just pull it out for her.

 

[Mattie]

Interesting proper etiquette things that I have observed, was surprised by, and began doing with my wife.

Man holds door for woman, but walks ahead of her into an establishment. Kind of a protective thing like the road side of the sidewalk.
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Man orders food for the woman. Kind of a pain in the a$$ but proper. "The lady will have X" she usually will answer any questions the waiter or waitress will have.

Man stands up at the table when a woman gets up to walk away or is about to sit down.

Man holds the chairs for a woman until she is seated, not just pull it out for her.

I'm glad to hear this. Nice some of us still have some morals, ethics, and values.

 

[ApparentHorizon]

Interesting proper etiquette things that I have observed, was surprised by, and began doing with my wife.

Man holds door for woman, but walks ahead of her into an establishment. Kind of a protective thing like the road side of the sidewalk.

Man orders food for the woman. Kind of a pain in the a$$, but proper. "The lady will have X" she usually will answer any questions the waiter or waitress will have.

Man stands up (or a "half rise") at the table when a woman gets up to walk away or is about to sit down.

Man holds the chairs for a woman until she is seated, not just pull it out for her.

What age group did you observe this in?

This is largely unheard of among millennials, especially the silicon valley types.

 

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[Kak]

What age group did you observe this in?

This is largely unheard of among millennials, especially the silicon valley types.

Who are we talking about here? The entire thread is about elite titans of industry (just like Charlie Munger from your avatar) not hoodie wearing millennial douchebags.

Who brought up millennials in silicon valley? Silicon valley might as well be a freak show Starbucks on a liberal university campus.

Millennials are broke 10 times out of 9.

 

[Mattie]

I know many Millennial's are having a difficult time, and seem to be starting to follow me more and do my best to mentor them and turn them around in a different direction. Although this isn't always the easiest task, it's meeting them where they are, building rapport, their trust, and mentoring, being the example, and this means I lead by modeling behavior, so while they don't like my Generation X morals and ethics, and they ask "Why?" I have the patience to answer it, and they move in a positive direction. Which amounts to pushing them towards M.J.'s books. lol So it's kind of in a sense working with M.J. , because I teach about appropriate relationships, mental toughness etc. And he teaches to lift themselves up further financially.

 

[ApparentHorizon]

Who are we talking about here? The entire thread is about elite titans of industry (just like Charlie Munger from your avatar) not hoodie wearing millennial faggots.

Who brought up millennials in silicon valley? Silicon valley might as well be a freak show Starbucks on a liberal university campus.

Millennials are broke and retarded 10 times out if 9.

Yeah let's forget Zucks, Page, Brin, Elon, Jobs, etc. They're all kale eating beta cucks with no manners.

 

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[GPM]

This is another thread that started out with great potential turning into a mud wrestling match? Seriously, WTF is wrong with people? If I wanted to read vitriol and hot garbage being strewn about, I would read some youtube comments.

My brother reads a lot of reddit, and every time he sends me a link I am disgusted by the devolution of comments. I always enjoyed this forum, but lately its just a big old bitch fest.

Can't we keep our negativity and brutal comments to ourselves? I visit and read this forum to BETTER myself, not to prove how much more correct I am than everyone else. It is driving me freaking insane. This must be upwards of the 10th thread where I have noticed this trend lately and just ignored it (until now).

Here is my comment for the thread, as it pertains to the topic. If you want to better yourself and be among the elite, start acting like it. Successful people don't want to bitch about useless stuff. They don't want that awkward guy in the conversation who wont stop complaining and bitching about everything he sees. Make the most of your environment, see the best in what is around you. Bring that positivity to those around you, and you can be sure you will get it back in spades. It has a compounding effect that brings EVERYONE up.

This "bringing everyone up" is not just in attitude. It has to do with how you dress, how you eat. Don't be a slob. Use your napkin and your utensils. Eat small bites that fit into your mouth, and chew with your mouth closed. Iron your shirts, buy clothes that fit properly and don't hang off you. Pull your pants up. Shine your shoes...

 

[WildHoneyTree]

Maybe try enrolling into a Finishing School once you have the funds for it. Probably one of those Swiss ones or even doing a summer program.
Sounds pretentious but may be a great way to learn all the high society skills you need in one place and also I imagine it would be a fantastic networking opportunity.

 

[Kak]

Yeah let's forget Zucks, Page, Brin, Elon, Jobs, etc. They're all kale eating beta cucks with no manners.

There are 540 billionaires in the United States. 36,000 people are worth 100 million or more. There is a reason they say ”money talks and wealth whispers”.

I am a HUGE Elon Musk fan by the way.

 

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[rollerskates]

Not everyone is either rich or poor, and rich doesn't mean manners and poor doesn't mean ghetto. There's a huge range of people in between. I mostly know people with money, high income slowlaners, like doctors and lawyers, and some old money people. I know some modest income people too, and I am myself am...not wealthy. However, everyone I know is well educated and has manners, regardless of their level of income. Ironically, my knowledge of "rich people" stuff is what will make my current project lucrative if it pans out.

I definitely recommend some type of finishing school if you can afford it. Also google things about "old money" manners and style. And while all of this may sound pretentious to some people, it's never wrong to be able to seamlessly blend with your surroundings.

And millennials....

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLpE1Pa8vvI

 

[ApparentHorizon]

Also google things about "old money" manners and style.

I think I scrolled too far...

I definitely recommend some type of finishing school if you can afford it.

If you're out of school already, might as well just pick up a couple of books and go straight to networking. Hire a tutor once a week if you need it that badly.

Just got this these dropped on me by my mentor:

- Buy people gifts related to their hobbies/interests, outside of business dealings. If you can't afford it, write a handwritten letter. A postcard if possible.
- Make an effort to introduce people that may benefit each other, without you having anything to do with any deal they make

 

[MJ DeMarco]

I've taken the liberty to remove the derogatory content in this thread and the sidebar conversation.

Really not a good look for the forum.

Carry on, perhaps in a better civility.

Thank you for your understanding.

 

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[LynetteP]

Me too.
These people are usually new money (first generation) and not very judgmental.

 

[biophase]

So this is one of those topics that I couldn’t care less about. But i guess i cared enough to make this comment.

I hate dressing up so much that I will say no to an event if I need to wear a collared shirt. Sometime I still show up but I’m wearing a T-shirt and everyone is in suits.

Guess what people don’t care. They may have preconceived notions of you based on how you dress, but if you carry yourself well, it doesn’t matter.

And I should add that the people who do care are not people that I want to be friends with so it’s a nice personality filter.

Not comparing myself to Elon Musk in anyway here... but do you think people would care if he showed up to your party in a T-shirt?

 

[theresgot2bemore]

Since so many of you are trying to become rich, are any of you taking steps to socially groom into the elite class? How many of you are planning to be influential in your communities, politics, and in philanthropic work? And do you join country clubs and learn to play golf? What are you doing to learn the proper etiquettes?

I will come into wealth soon - I have tried hard to ditch all the etiquette of the poor class I grew up around, and there’s so much more to learn to fit in than just the money part! Thanks for any insight you guys have.

I, too, have plans to join the elite. The long term goals are to connect with top hat territory in the U.S. and European aristocracy. There are some old families out there who would have some cool stories to hear from.

 

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[Ayanle Farah]

I, too, have plans to join the elite. The long term goals are to connect with top hat territory in the U.S. and European aristocracy. There are some old families out there who would have some cool stories to hear from.

For what purpose?

 

[Musashi]

For what purpose?

He already told you! For the cool stories of course, bro. Oh, and don't forget the sick cars they drive.

Me too I am planning to only have friends who earn at least 12,5 million per year. Any advice on how I can ditch my old highschool friends?

 

[Ayanle Farah]

He already told you! For the cool stories of course, bro. Oh, and don't forget the sick cars they drive.

Me too I am planning to only have friends who earn at least 12,5 million per year. Any advice on how I can ditch my old highschool friends?

There has to be more than that + what interesting stories could aristocracy possibly have?

And if you are making 7 figures you can buy whatever car you want without having to associate with them and don't forget what was said earlier, nobody gives a shit about your brand new car in those circles.

 

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[Get Right]

I usually dress/act for the occasion. If there is no direct occasion I dress/act in my style.

If that occasion is courting an elite to the opera, you can bet I'll have a suit on and hold doors for the women.

I completed a cotillion class when I was young and still use a lot of the formal manners today. You can do the same thing here: International League of Corporate Cotillions®

There's no reason to not know how the "elite" act. They are a market just like any other. If you choose to "be" elite later in life you can also choose whether to continue their traditions or start your own.

Happy findings!

 

[• nikita •]

The only thing I'm changing about myself is my income.

 

[ZF Lee]

Interesting proper etiquette things that I have observed, was surprised by, and began doing with my wife.

Man holds door for woman, but walks ahead of her into an establishment. Kind of a protective thing like the road side of the sidewalk.

Man orders food for the woman. Kind of a pain in the a$$, but proper. "The lady will have X" she usually will answer any questions the waiter or waitress will have.

Man stands up (or a "half rise") at the table when a woman gets up to walk away or is about to sit down.

Man holds the chairs for a woman until she is seated, not just pull it out for her.

I tried it for my girl on a class reunion.

Not my first time, but everyone (college age) was looking at me with very leery grins, with some rather snappy comments afterwords. I don't understand my peers' mentality. I just want to give my best respect to my girl.

As I am from the Asian culture side, we are more inclined towards the elders, as opposed to the ladies. Generally, they eat first and everyone follows, and they get served first. However, these days, in typical Asian shared-dishes dinners, I see everyone just digging in without giving a F*ck.

Who are we talking about here? The entire thread is about elite titans of industry (just like Charlie Munger from your avatar) not hoodie wearing millennial douchebags.

Who brought up millennials in silicon valley? Silicon valley might as well be a freak show Starbucks on a liberal university campus.

Millennials are broke 10 times out of 9.

I think Silicon Valley folks do take note of etiquette, especially when it comes to finding investors at events. Serious investors do look for proper manners and attire as an indicator of whether the team is serious enough to even put up a minimal good impression.

You might be covering the minority who are tech entrepreneur wannabees in Silicon valley-influenced university areas outside the Valley itself.

Buy people gifts related to their hobbies/interests, outside of business dealings. If you can't afford it, write a handwritten letter. A postcard if possible.

Handwritten notes....I love doing these. Writing handwritten notes will got the way of the dinosaurs, sadly. But there is something very sentimental and personal about transmitting your best feelings and ideas through writing.

When you try to convey them through regular speech, you might miss some points out because of memory decay or conflicting information. In contrast, preparing a full-blown write-up can enable you to construct a totally fulfilling message.

In general, my handwritten notes might have these pointers in order:

• Greet and acknowledge person by name
• Show gratitude and thank the person for their help and contributions to impact your life for the better
• Ask about their problems.
• If you already know their problems, ask them how they are solving them, and suggest some problems, as well as offering to help. Have some minimum of resources or network in place, should they take up on your offer.
• Send a free solution as proof of your help. For example, I sent some textbook solutions and notes to my girl who was studying engineering, to help her out (I'm not in engineering school)
• If you feel some of your life experiences can have some value to the person, share them.
• If you are close enough to know about his or her family,ask about them. See if they need help as well, as long as they align closely with the person's interests.
• Do not blatantly boast that you are the only one to write handwritten letters to them. Write letters to enrich them, not to boast.

Writing your own messages is something that takes practice. No book reading lol.

- Buy people gifts related to their hobbies/interests, outside of business dealings. If you can't afford it, write a handwritten letter. A postcard if possible.

I somehow try to buy gifts that:

-give the other party a great advantage in their work or life
-something I don't usually get for them every day

It can be a book, a tool, a good tuperware, some handy clothing, good shoes, health supplements. Or the latest product off your business or a limited edition product!

Don't buy gifts just for the sake of buying.
My dad once got some chocolates as a CNY gift, and a few days later, he found that they had WORMS in them.

Wicked.

 

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[ygtrhos]

I see that the majority of people here are from Western countries, where the GDP per person is at least 30k$.

However, I am from Turkey. My whole childhood was ridden with economic crises, first in 94 then in 99 and then in 01. The economy is still very instable and double-digit inflation is a fact of life there. I still keep a 1 million lira banknote as a souvenir, Turkish lira was revalued in 2005.

The problem of Turkey is "sophistication". (like many Eastern European or underdeveloped Southeast Asian countries) It is not education, it is not lack of money. It is a lack of sophistication and worldliness. People live like rednecks and do not look at the world, they just simply stay rednecks and this lack of sophistication propagates generation to generation.

Western powers have always tried to propagate this further, unfortunately they have been successful as well, although we, as Turkish technocrats carry the responsibility of it. We were not successful in changing the majority's mind that they are empowered people.

I give zero shit about becoming elite or belonging to a circle. What I give a shit about is influence. I would love to be a role model for people in my country. That is why I have always gone against the grain and tried to pull a few strings on my way. Always.

I spent a lot of years going after hot women, because it is not our destiny to stay in our F*cking village, play baglama (our banjo) and marry with our ugly, fat cousin. We can have whatever we want.

I am now spending a lot of mental energy and time on making money because it is not our destiny to be mediocre economically. Instead, we are more than able to create wealth, at least as much as the Westerners do.

To deliver this message is exactly why I want to be influential. I would devote bigger amounts of time in politics and I would love to be a politician. Something like Schwarzenegger would be amazing!

I want people to see that dignity is earnable and within their reach. They do not have to obey Islamic clerics or dictators that give no F*ck about them. They can take their destiny in their hands.

 

[Late Bloomer]

I see that the majority of people here are from Western countries, where the GDP per person is at least 30k$.

However, I am from Turkey. My whole childhood was ridden with economic crises, first in 94 then in 99 and then in 01. The economy is still very instable and double-digit inflation is a fact of life there. I still keep a 1 million lira banknote as a souvenir, Turkish lira was revalued in 2005.

The problem of Turkey is "sophistication". (like many Eastern European or underdeveloped Southeast Asian countries) It is not education, it is not lack of money. It is a lack of sophistication and worldliness. People live like rednecks and do not look at the world, they just simply stay rednecks and this lack of sophistication propagates generation to generation.

Western powers have always tried to propagate this further, unfortunately they have been successful as well, although we, as Turkish technocrats carry the responsibility of it. We were not successful in changing the majority's mind that they are empowered people.

I give zero sh*t about becoming elite or belonging to a circle. What I give a sh*t about is influence. I would love to be a role model for people in my country. That is why I have always gone against the grain and tried to pull a few strings on my way. Always.

I spent a lot of years going after hot women, because it is not our destiny to stay in our f*cking village, play baglama (our banjo) and marry with our ugly, fat cousin. We can have whatever we want.

I am now spending a lot of mental energy and time on making money because it is not our destiny to be mediocre economically. Instead, we are more than able to create wealth, at least as much as the Westerners do.

To deliver this message is exactly why I want to be influential. I would devote bigger amounts of time in politics and I would love to be a politician. Something like Schwarzenegger would be amazing!

I want people to see that dignity is earnable and within their reach. They do not have to obey Islamic clerics or dictators that give no f*ck about them. They can take their destiny in their hands.

I never met a Turkish millionaire before! (What's the revalued million worth now? Will it get you a cup of coffee?)

What an inspiring post! I look forward to seeing you have all the success you want, and then be a powerful role model waking up people in your country to the possibilities of the modern world. I wonder if you might wind up with a book and forum bringing the Unscripted mindset into the middle east, in a way no westerner could do from outside.

 

[Late Bloomer]

In general, my handwritten notes might have these pointers in order:

This is a really interesting and thoughtful thing to do! Thank you! I'm thinking that I should learn from your example, and get in the handwritten notes habit myself.

 

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[Late Bloomer]

I completed a cotillion class when I was young and still use a lot of the formal manners today.

I didn't even know the word cotillion. About a third of the formal dining rules they mention relate to a more expensive, elaborate, traditionalist social circle than I've ever been involved with. How interesting that there is a training program to put people at ease with knowing the rules.

Totally agree with the rest of your post, especially about respect for the social context, and the fact that this can be thought of in marketing terms.

 

[Rich Wood]

First off - very happy for you.
Where comes much power or wealth comes much responsibility.
Stay passionate with what interests you, give back, use your time wisely, and get out and do good in the world.
Be careful not to trust those who seek your money or power for their benefit only, especially ones who haven't made it themselves.
Participate in activities that you like, even supporting your local college or community efforts can be very rewarding.

 

[The-J]

The American elite... that's such a broad term. The 'elite' means different things in different places.

The elite (basically 3rd generation+ rich) don't care about money. I mean, they do... they just don't care about it like we do. Money is just a tool to make more of it. Money is a tool to help pursue their ideals and provide to the causes they believe in, political, religious, or otherwise.

The elite don't have dreams of 'not working' because they've chosen the career they want. They know that their family has enough money to keep them fed, clothed, and housed. They've escaped the Rat Race long ago... and entered a different race. They have different goals an aspirations: often in politics, arts, academics, or business.

The main goal for someone who is 'elite' is not wealth, but power, influence, or fame. They have the same need to be competent as anyone else, but they have a different barometer for that. When all their friends do awesome great things, they want to do them too.

Some elite children work day jobs. Regular jobs, like doctor or lawyer. They do it usually because they didn't have specific aspirations in the above areas, but are looked down on for doing nothing. (Note: every family is different, some families are OK with their kids doing nothing and blowing all their money on stupid shit, not most though! The time for that is college)

The elite look down on flashy displays of wealth. They see it as people who don't know what to do with their money.

The elite are VERY well-versed in the etiquette of various social situations: from business to pleasure. It's important not just as a signal, but as a gesture of goodwill. (This is often hard to grasp by those who aren't in it)

Source: I've met a few in college incl. their parents, I'm certainly not in it and don't really want to be, but the people I've met, I've liked. Super pleasant people. Not 'evil lords' like the media would have you believe.

Also this is a SUPER broad generalization, it certainly does not describe every 'elite'. They're just people, man, treat em like it, they're not aliens from another planet. They eat, shit, F*ck, and die just like the rest of us.

 

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[LittleWolfie]

Nope.

If something like accidentally misspelling the decision maker's name in an email or using "like" too many times in a conversation, breaks the deal, my product is prob crap anyway. Or average at best.

Though I'm curious what constitutes as poor vs rich etiquette, that can't be attributed to just being a decent person.

Which hand you hold the fork in, if your shoes match your belt, when you wear a cravat rather than a bow tie. How you introduce yourself to others. When you say marm as in jam and when as in marmalade. When you say Esquire, how you finish a meal that involves sauce. If your 'mother' do you serve form the left or the right?

Do you add tea to milk or milk to tea.(the answer is never coffee perculator instead)

Which side you holster your sword (or for Americans guns)

 

[Late Bloomer]

"To dwell on formal trivialities, the author holds, is like “measuring the letters of the sign-boards by the roadside instead of profiting by the directions they offer.” She would have us know also that “it is not the people who make small technical mistakes or even blunders, who are barred from the paths of good society, but those of sham and pretense whose veneered vulgarity at every step tramples the flowers in the gardens of cultivation.” To her mind the structure of etiquette is comparable to that of a house, of which the foundation is ethics and the rest good taste, correct speech, quiet, unassuming behavior, and a proper pride of dignity.

Thus Best Society is not a fellowship of the wealthy, nor does it seek to exclude those who are not of exalted birth; but it is an association of gentle-folk, of which good form in speech, charm of manner, knowledge of the social amenities, and instinctive consideration for the feelings of others, are the credentials by which society the world over recognizes its chosen members."

- Emily Post, "Etiquette," 1922

The purpose of manners is to help other people feel that their time with us will be peaceful and pleasant for them, because we respect and care about them.

If one truly cares about and respects other people, this will be easily understood even if in our ignorance we not only mispronounce the marmalade, but also use the wrong spoon for it.

If one perfectly follows every rule that luxurious society has invented in the past few hundred years, but is malicious and cruel, this will also likely be visible to those one might be trying to impress.

The single most endearing and trust-inspiring quality in another person is not that it seems they have been raised and trained in precisely the same social circles as ourselves. It is that their own character, no matter whence they came, is one of sincere interest, kind friendliness, respect and good will. If this is indeed their nature, then of course they will do what they can to help us feel at ease around them, and of course we will do the same for them.

(Viglink automatically linked the word "course" as a search on Amazon. I had no such intention.)