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A sculptor's journey towards the Fastlane

Abrodos

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Hi everyone! Feeling good this week as well.

This week I've finished a portrait commission for a friend, kept working on the miniature production and started the first digital illustration for my anime Patreon. A total of 17 paid hours and 19 spent on unpaid projects.

But especially this week has been very good regarding my habits.
I've managed to reduce my non-productive idling time (facebook, games, IG, porn) to just 10 hours from the usual 25 or more. Instead, 40 hours of my free time have been dedicated to exercising outdoors (increased my calisthenics workout), helping Dad with garage renovation (I set up all the new furniture we ordered, now everything is in place, porch is empty again), meetings with friends and baking (gathered some acorns on my hike and tried an acorn cake recipe).

A Chrome extension called SiteBlock has helped me a lot with self-control. I wasn't aware of how many times I used to open Facebook/IG and the rest of pages, or how unconsciously I did it.
I've been very harsh on myself. I tend to work well when responding to someone else, so I kinda dissociated myself and I let my "employee half" do, without questioning, the work that my "boss half" had decided (not sure if that makes sense).

Also I've had a lot less headaches these last 4 days.
Regarding weight loss I did well during the week and got to 80,7 kg on Friday (again at 81,5 though). My aim is 72 in March.

Goals for this week:

- Mantain the productive hobby time. Consolidate the habit.
- Spend more time actually working (about 25 hours divided between my two paid projects and about 25 more on investing/other unpaid projects).
- Stick to the timetable I did last week (It'll be easier now that the commission and other holiday stuff is finished).

See you next Monday!
 
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Abrodos

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Hi guys!

It's been a bit of a turbulent week. Not especially busy but with a couple things that drained my energy a bit, a bit of anxiety throughout the week.

Basically:

About my usual hour tracking,
40 hours of work, of which actually 10 have been real, paid work (producing molds of the Tower). About 15 hours planning, tidying up or conditioning the workspace, 5 with a painting for the art contest, about 5 with other FL projects, and 5 (+ 8 yesterday) applying for a job offer that popped up in one of the important art schools in BCN.
This job appliance drained a lot of my energy. I had a suspicion of something weird going on (appliants that didn't have proper technical knowledge, contradictory messages in the instructions that employers gave us...). Anyway I wasn't selected but a very proficient girl with technical knowledge will probably be. So I'm glad that the selection process is just based on skill and to have been wrong about those weird feelings.
Edit: this girl just text me about weird stuff happening in the job interviews as well (very short, looked rigged). Not my problem anymore though, but I feel bad for it.

Also a thread I started here at the forum got a lot of attention, some comments that were a bit harsh, mocking or unrespectful. But I'm happy for some contributors that helped with useful comments in the right direction, and more important I got what I needed (release/share some info about a project that was weighting me down) . Waiting for the replies, reading some of them, drained a lot of my energy though. That's why I didn't answer further.

Anyway, not much else!
About 10 unproductive hours on FB/etc, which is a good mark. But I was turning the siteblock off a lot during the week. Need to be working on that.

And today I've updated my KS backers about the current state of the Tower, so all good.
And I've gone down to 80,6 kg!

See you next week!
 
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Abrodos

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Hi!

40 hours of work this week, (17 with FL product, 6 with FL project 2, 6 with my investing club, 5 planning and cleaning and 5 with my slowlane job (a job interview).

Happy that the FL project is halfway through production. Some problems have arisen with moulds but I hope being able to produce the 8 copies that have been ordered without having to redo the moulds.

Lots of anxiety , headache and tiredness this week.
The job interview was rigged. I started to talk to another candidate and the more we speak the more weird stuff we discover. It's taken a lot of my energy, all the week talking about it with family, with this girl, I even dreamed of it.

I went hiking 2 days in a row and my plantar fascitis has come back so no sport in a week or two until the pain recedes. Also due to anxiety I've overeaten and I'm back at 82 kg.

I did a coaching session with my investing club and they suggested me to focus. So I'm trying to just concentrate on finishing the FL project delivery at the moment.

And not much else really. Still with anxiety and headache in Sunday afternoon.
 
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Abrodos

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Hi!

Here again. Worked less hours this week but I feel it's been more productive.
Good things of this week: Finished the production of the resin Towers. All the 80ish pieces are cast. They'll need a great deal of polishing and re-sculpting though, that might take me several weeks. I was calculating the same sanding/filling time as my usual resin trophies, but the amount of work will be more similar to the realistic rubber knives commission I did last year (an insanely huge time leech). First and last time casting miniatures, spikes and complicated pieces for sure.
Also did a great deal of work with my investing club: been looking for and analyzing house flipping opportinities, selected four of them, and I've set up a meeting tomorrow morning with an estate agent to visit the first one . The idea is to lead/manage my first house flipping operation, with other club members participating economically in the investment and with advice from the club mentors.
I'm trying to focus right now: instead of opening up so many new projects/FL ideas, I'll just go for developing the miniature business and the house flipping aspect of the investing club. The immediate concerns still are finishing and delivering the Tower sets and the goat sculpture, and getting a teacher job after that.

Bad things: I had the 2 longest and worst headaches i've had in years. Like a very, very f*cked up hangover. They lasted a full day each, one of them coupled with strong, day-long anxiety as well, for which pills did absolutely nothing. I had the other one on a day-long hike with some friends, so at least I was a bit distracted from it.

Hope this week goes well!

:)
 
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Abrodos

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Hi everyone!!!

A very busy and productive week, lots of good things have happened.

1. A big gig with a whiskey company (sculpture stands for a limited edition). I was contacted by the father of a friend on Monday, and on Friday I had the project ready. The whiskey company loved the designs. So that'll probably mean I'll get to make 50-100 sculptures, maybe more. I was able to budget without constraints. So far it's my biggest small-figure-production gig (about 5000-10.000€).

2. I've started my way with house flipping! Still nervous about it. Bought a small flat in a nearby city for 45.000 (52k with taxes and other expenses). It needs full renovation but it was really cheap. I had been looking at it for some weeks, visiting it with a couple renovation companies, etc. All the numbers add up, I had to just overcome my fears and take action.
I won't be able to start renovation in 3-6 months though due to personal work, but the further I look into the renovation processes, the easier I find them (a lot has to do with the same materials and tools I use when making scenery for theatre or molding/casting sculptures. So I'll probably get a company to do the electrical/piping renovation, to avoid risks and keep up with regulations, but I'll take care of the rest for myself. That'll cut down the costs from 25k to 18-16k, maybe less.
In any case, first I need to finish my current commissions one by one. I also need to get some more cash (my accounts will be left at zero after the purchase).

I'm thinking either renting it at 500/month (high demand on the area), selling it (probably I'd be able to sell for 100-120k eventually) or even go live there for a while.
 
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Abrodos

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Hi!
Not much else to share, still everything's going good! More nervous about the home purchase as it gets closer.
I've kept working on the alien sculpture for the whiskey company, polishing the miniatures from the Tower project, and worked a bit on the goat sculpture. And I've been learning A LOT about plumbing and electricity. I'll probably do all the pipings myself. Saw some friends in the weekend, everything's cool. Migraines have been under control as well, maybe just one day of strong headache, other days it's been milder.

About 48 hours dedicated to "work", including investing, formation, my sculpture commissions and the FL project.
 

Abrodos

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Hi! About 35 h of work.
A small 3 day teaching substitution at the high school, that also triggered a 2 day long anxiety attack. I've been having palpitations during last months at random times, especially in the evenings, on the days I feel like I've not worked enough. Last 2 weeks and my eyelid has been twitching as well. (I drink no coffee and no caffeinated beverages).

Anyway, due to my flexibility I've been the schools's "last-minute resort" for a couple years, and every time they ask, it is for me to start the very next day. But since last year I've often had to turn them down to focus in finishing my commissions, and every time I do, family feels disappointed bc "I don't want to get a job".
So the proposal came after one of the days i "didn't work enough". Also both my KS backers and my clients were waiting for an update so I felt extra guilty.
So I accepted the 3 day job at the school both for my family to stop bothering me, and for the school to know they can still count on me, and to punish myself for slacking/force myself to work harder. But I felt that both accepting and declining would make someone disappointed (either family and school if I declined, or clients if I accepted), and as soon I accepted, I had a very strong thought that I didn't want that, that I didn't want to go there and meet my students and teachers again.
Even though I know all the students and have a good relationship with them (even a particular group started screaming and cheering when they saw me, like when a rockstar appears in the concert), and I usually consider myself good teacher, I felt weak most of the time, as if I wasn't able to sustain the mask, the position of authority, and, on the inside, I just was waiting for it to be the leaving time.
I tried to hide it and just carry on as normal, and I more or less succeeded for the 3 days it lasted.

But I've been thinking about why this happened, because, when I thought about life goals, teaching and helping kids and teenagers was one of the few things that has always fulfilled me from a global perspective, that I like and I'm good at.
Maybe it's the lack of social contact during these isolation months, or the shifting from physical to virtual learning spaces. They also grow up very fast during these years and with all the face masks, voice and appearance changes, some new students, some classes felt very different from a year ago.

On another note, also both the downward trend in TSLA (which I was positioned into) and the fear of missing out on the crypto wave bc I got my money buried in the estate purchase, had their part in the anxiety attack.

And as a cherry to the cake, seeing my anxiety attack triggered another one on my Dad, who then wanted to blame me for the heart attack he thought he could have had.

So that's it. Not the best of the weeks. I'm now trying to get to work again, yesterday I did like 10 hours on the whisky holder commission, and today I want to update this client and move on to keep sanding and fixing the pieces from the Kickstarter. And i've sold all my stocks to free mental space, and will try to focus all my investing time on the flat renovation (I have the kitchen finally figured out! I'm designing the electrical circuits now.) My investing club advisors have helped me in refocusing as well on the flat.

So that's it!
 
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Abrodos

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Hi!
37 hours of work this week.

Kickstarter pieces are all finished! Maybe I'll do some super small corrections, but they're 99% finished.
So now I just need to find a good way of packaging them to avoid damage. I'm thinking wrapping them in bubble wrap and putting them in some hard plastic containers, individual for each piece. And everything in a standard cardboard box.

Other things:
The alien sculpture project has been cancelled. Turns out they didn't calculate correctly the shipping costs from the beginning. We explored alternatives that didn't weigh so much, but they increased the cost by 20-30%, so there was no margin for profit from their part, as they were planning to sell them for 200, I was charging initially 120+VAT, and shipping and packaging were close to 50-100.
(I thought it was like a gift/promotional product of sorts, no profit intended, but anyway.)
They'll pay me for all the hours I've worked, so it's been a good gig in the end. And actually the project cancellation has taken a lot of weight from my shoulders, as they didn't have an exact idea of what they wanted and the project was getting more and more complicated on the run (they were asking me and the label designer to do some art direction/ marketing choices for the overall campaign, asking us to manage everything related to the package making companies, stuff that wasn't really our job).
Also I ended up leading some legal stuff against the public art school that I applied for (we found out the job offer was fake as they already had a candidate, but needed a way to make it look legal). I ended up being the contact between the syndicate and the group of appliers. I just told them to continue by themselves. One less thing to worry about, dealing with all this was an energy drainer.
Still some migraines and palpitations throughout the week, but the alien cancellation, saying no that legal stuff, and finishing the KS pieces, have taken a lot of pressure from me.
I have been having trouble mantaining a consistent workweek, especially on weekends.
I also have been ignoring completely my exercise/healthy habits for several weeks, so now that I'm mentally more free, I'll try to reprise them.

Not much else this week!
 
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Abrodos

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Hi!

No post last week. I didn't have an especially good week. Some social events scheduled that generated me some anxiety, and I was very out of focus. Got to play Minecraft again with no self-control, so I ended up wasting most of the week and just working for ten hours total or so.

This week has been much better. Same anxiety, but went again to working 40 hours, spent mostly on looking for packaging alternatives and shipping prices for the Kickstarter products (I don't know what I'm doing wrong but the process is becoming eternal).
Also started a new sculpture (I wanted to participate in an art contest, I had dropped the idea but I retook it) -not sure if it should count as work as I did it just to let out some anxiety- and a lot of time was spent with the flat investment.

It turns out it has an important structural problem (aluminosis), very common in flats built in spain during the 60s.
I can solve it for my flat, spending 10-15k extra in reinforcing the joists, but probably it'll mean future problems with the whole building and me having to lead the reinforcement fund soliciting process (all other families in the building are very poor and mostly immigrant so unfamiliar with government and bureaucracy).

So I have lowered my offer a bit.

Also I've reprised my weight loss process! From 83,7 kg 2 weeks ago (my all-time high) I'm between 81,7 and 82,6 now.

And I've reprised the goat sculture, as I'm not sure if it'll finally be presented next month or not. I've been a couple months without working on it and without communication with the clients, there are just a few details left but, if restrictions are lifted, they might be expecting to show it at some inauguration event soon. So I want to finish it as soon as possible.
 

Abrodos

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Another week, another recap post.

25 hours worked this week. I managed to do the first two shippings to the backers, but preparing the next ones overwhelmed me. I also didn't have the strength to meet any friends or exercise, and I was eating like 3 bowls of cereal a day to calm the anxiety. Luckily I haven't put on any weight.

I managed to do the detatchable pillows for the wearer/dancer of the goat sculpture with a sewing machine, and started smoothing out the space where the dancer will fit (that space will be rubber- coated so the styrofoam doesn't break apart).

Some friends asked me for a small "geganto" figure as a birthday present for their kid, but I've told them I'm closing the beast making business.

Overall I don't feel very well. The goat sculpture should be delivered in a month, there's a ton of work pending the miniatures also should be delivered as soon as possible... Still some drawings are pending for the whiskey client, still they haven't paid me, also there's a 30 figure commission for mid-april, that sculpture contest as well, and the flat purchase is taking me a lot of energy as well. On top of everything, my mother just broke her arm so I have to take care both of the house and of grandma (which she did), and she'll take 3 weeks to heal, the same weeks I'm having my peak of work stress. I've been feeling overwhelmed and very tired for several months, and lately thoughts of being worthless and having no future come to me. Also have been thinking a lot about friendships I've lost, how I don't have a partner, kids or a home for myself, and about people I don't see anymore. And when someone asks "how's it going" I really don't want to answer...
The sincere answer would be "I'm f*ing exhausted of everything, I just want all of this to end". But also I don't want to give that impression to people so I end up locking myself at home.
 
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Abrodos

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Not much to say this week.
about 45 hr of work, prepared a couple packages (a full day spent on each) and sent one of them to Canada (hope customs won't put any problem with it), worked on the goat another day, and spent five evenings and a full day working on a sculpture for the Figurativas art contest.
Also prepared the setup and bought the materials for a commission of resin dragon statues I do every yearfor my school.

As good news:
This commission of dragon statues will be made using last year's design and mold, so no new sculpting work. Just 32 figures that need to be cast again and painted.

Good news as well from the flat renovation: the structural reinforcement will cost about 9-10k instead of the 15k that I was thinking about.

Apart from that, it's been a pretty shitty week.
 

Abrodos

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Hi!

34 hours of work this week.

Finished a couple pending things: some more affordable sculpture designs for the whiskey company project that was cancelled, also fixed and repackaged one of the Kickstarter shippings that had broken, and spent a full day tidying up my workshop to avoid problems with my family.
Started casting the dragon figures (16 done of the total 32), and updated my investing club and asked for advice about the flat purchase (I'm going to finally purchase it at 40k, it's 2.500€ more than I intended to pay but I don't want to pressure the seller anymore, I just want to move on and start thinking about the renovation). Also worked a bit (less than previous week) on the sculpture for the Figurativas art contest.

I've messed up a bit my sleep schedule these last holiday four days, and I've played too much minecraft, but overall ve felt better than the previous week. Also went hiking on tuesday with my friend.
 

Abrodos

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Hi!

Not much to say this week. About 28-29 hours of work. 3 Days finishing and sending two more Tower packages (now there are just two remaining!), and the rest casting the remaining 17 dragon figures.
Also worked a bit on the Figurativas sculpture and spent a morning buying various materials I needed.

Usually, when doing "casting days" I take things more calmly, bc the workflow is 10 minutes of work (pouring the resin in the mold)+ 45-60 minutes of waiting for it to cure, repeated 10-12 times a day. This week I wanted to spend this 45 minute chunks into sculpting, but I found it very hard to focus.

Also had a lot of strong headaches this week, bad sleep, feeling unwell, definitely last one was better.

And something that is causing me some anxiety right now:
The clients that commissioned the goat sculpture asked for it yesterday. I showed all the "progress" of these last two months (a week's worth of work), they just said "we were planning to present it this April, but it hasn't been possible, so we'll wait for next year." I panicked a bit and don't know how to answer.

I'm not sure whether to really tell them the reasons why I've been working so little on it, or just keep it to me and hope the "progress update" is enoght for them.
Actually the yearly medieval fair in which the goat had to debut this April has almost been cancelled (small performances will be held for the locals, no people from outside the town due to COVID restrictions, as a couple weeks ago this was the worst -affected city in our region). But the organizers decided to push the festivity forward anyway, so probably a small presentation act could have been held.

So this year hasn't been possible to present the sculpture partly due to COVID, but partly because I haven't been able to deliver on time.
On the other hand they also hadn't contacted me since January, so, if they really were thinking of presenting it this April, contacting me 2 weeks prior was a bit risky anyway from their part (adjustments have to be made before the performance, checking that everything works, setting up the firework holders, checking that the trailer they want to transport the sculpture is the right size, lots of stuff). So at least a month is needed.
Also the girl I update had a baby this last week, I mean probably the goat was her last concern, and I just went with it for as long as I could, and tried to set it aside and focus on finishing the Towers (and recently on the dragon figures).

But I'm not sure if I've handled things correctly.
My plan since November has been to finish my most urgent stuff, the one that was longest overdue (the goat and the Towers) first, and I just started with the Towers because the delivery date was in January. I fully focused on finishing them, but a process I thought would take me a month and a half has taken me half a year (and it's still not fully finished). So I'm still respecting my "queue": 1. Finishing the Towers 2. Finishing the goat, and 3: all the rest (start teaching at public schools, dismantling my workshop, starting the second Kickstarter, starting the flat renovation).
Only the flat purchase/ renovation planning, the art school job and the alien whisky commission have altered this priority order, but only because they were bigger gigs than everything else, and they needed immediate action or I'd have lost those opportunities).
And the dragon figures and the Figurativas entry are both due by the end of this month, and they can't be postponed.

So I'm not sure it it'd be good or not to tell them about the pipeline and how they're still the second highest priority, or just shut up and finish the towers, the dragons and the Figurativas' entry and try to deliver as soon as possible. They've been extra patient with my BS , the goat was started two years ago...

Also on an unrelated note, this last week I've been thinking a lot about physics, about that guy whose theory I was helping visualize. I've been watching some science vids on YT while working on the sculpture, and it's like my focus shifts and suddenly thinking about this, and learning about particle animation in Blender is the most important thing I should do.
I mean it's my long-term goal, The first thing I want to use my income from the flat renting is to take some "holidays" from sculpture commissions and just work on this stuff.
But man, why are this thoughts appearing during the most stressful weeks? I have almost no formation either in actual physics, or in these particular 3D animation programs. So I'd probably need a year to produce anything decent.

Also i'm having the strongest migraine attack in months right now, so maybe all this makes no sense. Anyway. Have a good week, I suppose.
 
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Abrodos

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Hi :) no recap last week so, 34hrs of work last week and 27 this one.

I'm feeling very tired and unable to concentrate during the day.
Not much else to say, really. I find everything overwhelming, like I'm just waiting for my "sentence" to end.
Just when I enter the bed and turn the lights off, palpitations appear and I spend 2-3 hours overthinking stuff before being able to fall asleep.

I think a lot about everything being pointless, as if I'm making constantly the wrong decisions, and everything I'm putting my effort into is empty. I feel hopeless towards my future, as if nothing matters. I think of my future and see myself either getting old alone, or being a let down to my future children. Maybe it's the fact that I'm relatively close to having my first 500€ in passive income (with the flat) that hints at the fact that this won't bring me hapiness. Everything I do (art, stuff I believe to be FL, all the hour-tracking, all the projects in my head) feels like mental masturbation.

I think a lot about a comment in another thread about how the forum didn't need more threads about pointless stuff like this. I've been a year and a half posting every week and haven't been able to generate any important revenue, just hour-counting and migraine/anxiety tracking.

So sorry if all this ranting bothers anyone, or if it's taking space on more important topics. But I just need to vent and let all these feelings out.
 
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Abrodos

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Hi! 35 hr work week.
Thankfully this week has been much better than previous. At last the Kickstarter sets are fully finished and sent to the backers, so now the only big pending project is the goat. A mural I was commissioned to do has ben delayed due to weather, so I've had a calmer week overall. I've also stopped overeating and gone hiking a couple days. The difference in weight from a year ago is still very big (+30 pounds) but I'm regaining a bit more control over it.

On the bad side, some news about a young cousin who is doing very well with cryptos and has been interviewed by a newspaper triggered a spiral of toxic, depressive, suicidal thoughts, of me being intrinsically flawed, unable to succeed, etc.
Luckily it lasted only a couple days, and while it did, I was able not to listen to them, anchoring to the knowledge that no matter how real they felt, they weren't true, and kept working on the commissions.

But things seem now bearable again; I also made a calendar/roadmap for the next six months with tasks ordered by priority, that also helped me regain control of the situation. Weather is sunnier as well, and that also helps.

I might stop with the sleeping pills (or revert to a lower dose); today I missed them, and I've woken up at 5:00 without any migraine or tiredness.

btw these weeks I've been fantasizing of assembling something like this, (been looking for second-hand deals on Wallapop):
View: https://youtu.be/S-DRF8lzB-s?t=18

just some mental masturbation though. I'll be at 0€ balance in a couple weeks though, with the flat purchase, so it's not like I'll have any spare cash soon.
But it's helped me through this week, like, as an attainable incentive to look forward to. Guess that's one of my lambos, as MJ says.
 
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Abrodos

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Hi! Another Sunday here.
About 40-45 hours of work, lots of stressful stuff going on, but it's been overall a good week, without migraines, deppressive thougts or anxiety attacks. I've also got myself from 86,7kg to 83,9, and got up early on 6 days out of 7.

Finally was able to work on the goat for three days, got the inner structure set up in place and fixed, and started making the glass eyes. Also started an extra 200€ commission (7 more dragon figures), former clients approached me to budget a 500€ one-day gig (re-painting one of my previous beast statues), and did another 400€ gig (a mural commissioned by the town hall).

Unpleasant surprises have appeared in the flat purchase; finally had a meeting with the new administrator of the block, and turns out the estate agency had hidden some important stuff from me. The "nice neighbours" include an illegally occupied flat where drugs are sold, and the structural rehabilitation process (which was supposedly covered by government grants) might not even be possible to be carried out due to the low income of the residents. The document that detailed the structural state of the building, which I was told was misplaced when changing administrators, turns out might not exist at all.
I 've already signed a binding agreement and paid 10k of the total 40k, which I'll lose if I back out.

So ATM I'm trying to appoint a meeting with my next door neighbour (an elderly woman) to help me know a bit more. The reassuring aspects are that three of the flats are actually owned by investors, so the buy-renovate-rent operation in this block is, at the very least, possible, and the fact that, looking at all the investing considerations, my entry price is still waaay lower than the worst flats in the city and has significantly better attributes (ground floor, no illegal occupants, 100m from the good neighbourhood, while the next cheapest ones in the city, listed for 55-60k, are 4th floors without elevator, in the middle of the bad neighbourhood, and with illegal occupants inside.)

So I'm just trying to sort out in beforehand all the possible problems that might arise, and trying to imagine the worst situation. But it still might be that the neighbourhood is not so bad, and that the drug dealing neighbour is just a chill guy who sells some weed. Overall I haven't seen any kind of violence marks or important problems.
I need to keep investigating.

If everything goes the worst way possible, at least I'll have learned. And I haven't got any mortgage for the operation, so I won't be in debt to anybody. And if I get a teaching position, 40k are easy to save in 2-3 years.

We'll see!

Have a nice week everyone,

David
 
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Abrodos

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Hi! Busy week. 53 hours of work in total, (finally managed to get the pre-christmas level) a lot of them related to the the flat purchase, taking charge of other family investments, and reprising the investing club webinars. Also went down to 83,4kg, now at 84,4.

I've finsihed producing the 30 dragon figures for the next batch, and made the glass eyes for the goat sculpture as well as continued sanding its interior.
I called the goat commissioners, had a long talk and apologized for not updating since January, and I suggested updating them weekly. I'm lucky they're supporting and understanding about my bs. So far they're happy about the glass eyes.

Also my best friend (an illustrator) has decided to leave her job. I'm happy for her finally making a living off her drawings, but the fact that I've been putting so much effort for so many years of art study with so little yield, while she's succeeding so easily with simple and effortless stuff (she didn't even study illustration), makes me feel useless or not capable. (she's a natural salesperson, she is generating like 5x the revenue as her coworkers without any training, atm half of her workplace's income depends on her).

On a side note, living with my folks has been a bit difficult this week as well. Today they were angry at me for being stressed and having migraine during lunchtime, yesterday they threw away some of my clothes bc they looked old... generally being assholes. Anyway, in four days I'll have my place.
 
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Hi! Last week was a good one. About 61 hours of productive work: studying investments, the actual purchase of the apartment, started working on it, and also good amount of work on the goat sculpture and the other commissions.

This week hasn't been as good, though: a strong migraine attack followed by a 3 day hangover that left me unable to do anything, so just 25 hours of work. Apart from that, I continued with the renovation and did a small portrait commission, but some misunderstandings with my partner made me lose 2 days of work.
 
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Hi! 39 hours of work this week, spent finishing a $700 gig (20 more dragon figures), on the goat (the inside of the head is sanded and I've started applying the resin to it), and working on the apartment (more panel removing, wall scraping and helping the previous owners sort stuff out. They've left a lot of old furniture and garbage for me to throw away, but they picked up everything they wanted to keep, so I don't depend on them anymore.
Also an electrician/plumber friend reviewed my installation plans, I had a call with the town hall about the permits needed, and got an agreement with other apartment owners to get the structural state of the whole building checked by an architect in september.

So everything is good :).
 

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Hi!
About 35-37 hours of work this week, but it doesn't feel like so. A lot of energy lost in insignificant things, quick chores ended up taking way too long to complete, which left me with an overall sense of unaccomplishment.

Downloaded a dating app and that's been probably a bad decision, been obsessed all week browsing it, also browsing tiktok/ig reels for several hours, while entering self-depreciating loops of thoughts... I'm not especially proud of how I handled it all. My sleep schedules became f*cked up as well.
Also I've been postponing the work on the goat sculpture; the closer it is to being finished, the more I find myself avoiding the task, and only the agreement I took to give them weekly updates has forced me to go to the workshop and actually work on it.

Regarding what actually went well, I've basically made a couple trips at Home Depot to buy all the electrical stuff for the flat, disposed of almost everything the previous owners left there, (several trips to the garbage disposal plant) and did some of the remaining panel disassembling and wall scraping. Also installed some blinds and the first couple electrical tubes and junction boxes! :).
And finished a small 50€ portrait comission + some invoicing/payment collecting tasks.
But even though it's been quite an amount of work, I'm not sure if it should count as "real" work. If I end up putting it for rent all the renovation process will have been productive work, but if I finally decide to live there, It won't be generating any income.

Some good news as well, all that furniture disposal physical work finally got me under 83 kg! Reached 82,3kg, now at 82,8.
So this next week I plan on regaining control of my schedules: focusing less on the flat, and more on other aspects I've been neglecting (work, but also exercise, poductive hobbies, updating the FL project backers, etc). But I want to focus especially on cutting off the idling/browsing time and mantaining a consistent schedule.

See you next week!
 
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Hi!
Another non-productive week (worked 23,5h).

I was exhausted and had strong migraines from not sleeping half of the week, and wasted the other half on dating apps and instagram.

On the good side, had a lot of meaningful connections in those dating apps, went on my first actual date since the pandemic started, and went down another kg (now at 81,6).
 
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Hi!
Last week was again a very unproductive one, 19h of work, but this one has been much better (35,5 hours).
I've been able to hold consistency both in habits and in getting to work, did some exercise as well, met some friends, and overall worked on the flat (scraping wallpaper and fixing windows) and on the goat (the insides are now finished and also some handpainted stuff has been done, so just some small hole-filling and spray-painting finishing touches remain).

And not much else! It's been a couple tough weeks regarding mental health, had a date that went extremely well but I' ve been feeling very insecure about my social/sexual/health aspects, wanting to seek validation, and overall needing to talk about mental stuff with someone, which I haven't done. I've tried to put all this aside, by just going to the flat and scraping wallpaper non-stop, focusing on one square metre at a time, trying to think as little as possible.

As good news, I got confirmation that the beam reinforcement issue is not an emergency. I can wait until December, so the 6000€ I've got left can be spent on general renovation materials, and I can keep working all summer on it.

Also did my first workout of the year, and reached 81.0 kg! (now at 81,5).

See you next week!
 
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Hi!

24 hours worked this week. Easily the week I've felt most lonely and miserable of all the year, plus some strong anxiety, obsessive thoughts, headaches and other related physical pain that prevented me from working for 2-3 full days. At least I haven't been slacking like the previous ones. I've found some mental health support groups on reddit with people having similar experiences, that has ve helped a lot.

Good stuff:
Kept working on the flat. Scraping paint from the walls. The paint in the living room is almost fully removed.
Advanced on the remaining 3D model stuff that was pending delivery to the Kickstarter backers. Out of 5 models I'm at 1 and a half. And had some fun playing Spyro the Dragon at specific moments.
Tomorrow I have a full-day gig, which I didn't want to do (very demanding clients that messed up my paintwork on a dragon sculpture and need me to repeat it, but this time with very little budget and crunched deadlines) but I have it more or less solved (I'll try to finish the basics in 3-4 hours and I'll be limiting the detailing a lot).

Also went walking a couple days and I'm down to 80,6 kg!

See you next week :)
 
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Hi! 42 hours of work this week, and it has been very productive, with many tasks done from different areas.

1. I went to re-paint a sculpture that had been messed up. Spent all day painting on-site, a 500$ gig. The job went well, but later Ive been having some problems with the organization`s president that's being quite of an a**hole towards my way of working (kind of karen-ing his way into trying to pay less than agreed, questioning everything about the way I work and my expenses, nitpicking everything about the sculptural or painting work, but at the same time he's the one that takes an angle grinder and carelessly messes up everything, because he once worked with a sculptor and knows what he's doing). His excuse for everything is "you need to eat a lot of shit at the beginning of your career, that's normal". Anyway, I hope to get paid soon and forget about them at least for 2-3 years. Overall I'm thankful because this week I've felt more angry at him than miserable, so in a way getting slapped on my face with that immediate problem has helped easing the depressive thoughts from last months.

2. I sent the last remaining package of the Kickstarter I did in October, and also finished a couple of the 4 freebie digital models that were pending and updated my followers about them.

3. THE GOAT SCULPTURE IS FINALLY FINISHED!!!!! After 2 years of work. I'm battling the impulse of keeping working on it to smooth the texture, correct small details, etc. The clients will come to see it, to check that everything is alright, and probably the sculpture will stay in my workshop for some months until they get the custom-sized trailer to move it around. But I'll just leave it and move on to other stuff.

4. Shaved and groomed my beard, nails and toenails. And went to have dinner with some friends, also showed them the flat for the first time. (not FL related, but important for my sanity). And uninstalled the Instagram app from my phone.

5. Finished scraping paint off my flat's living room, installed all the electrical boxes on it, and started plastering holes on the wall. Prepared the grounds and did some research for the masonry/mortar work I need to do as well.

6. Also finished some complicated paperwork to receive a payment from my town hall, for a 400$ job I did on April, and contacted (again) an English company that has another pending payment of 1600$ towards me and who are ghosting me since April.

7. Even though the anxiety that the customer problems with point 1 gave me made me gain 2 kg of weight, I've been able to return to 80,6 at the end of the week.

8.Reprised some illustration/3D modelling work on my free time.

So all in all a good week! The most productive one in months, and the one I've felt better as well!
Looking forward to the summer.
 
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Hi! 30 hours this week.
The 500$ from the dragon painting gig have finally been collected (after a LOT more drama from the clients' part). Anyway.
So that being finished I've also started producing some content. I did a couple digital furry character illustrations (I plan to start making fursona comissions, which can be charged at 50$/hour at my working speed), and I reprised my Instagram page (hadn't posted anything since Dec '19), posting my first properly edited reel, about me making a quick sculpture (worked quite well, 1000 video views and 125 likes).

I feel those two have been my most significant steps towards really a FL project since a long time. All these months have been spent fixing and producing stuff but not generating any kind of new sale or communication with the market.
So I'm happy about reprising my commercial efforts. Also some friends replied to my IG story and had some small talk which helped pulling me out of my depression for a bit (I had had 3 very rough days, with a lot of sucidal thoughts).

I've also reached 79,9kg! (now at 80,3),

In the flat, I used mortar to plaster a full wall for the first time (it came out pretty good).

A the workshop, started sorting out my stuff, to leave grandma's garage as empty and clean as possible. (I'll be storing all the tools and materials in tagged boxes, along with my uncles's stuff, instead of throwing them away. That way I will have it very difficult to get hooked up in a low-paying sculpture commission again, but I'll keep everyting in case the 3D stuff doesn't work out).

Finally I also learned about a very successful 3D file project similar to mine but fundamentally different from most successful ones. Instead of focusing on quality models at the same price than everyone else, he produces very bad-quality 3D models but a LOT of them, and the subscription price is 1€. He also takes a lot of character suggestions from its big community (anybody is free to ask him to do any prompt, eg. a cowboy frog, and he just creates it and makes it available). Also on the contrary to all other producers, who have a more expensive "merchant subscription tier", everything produced has no intellectual property rights, so all the models can be printed and commercially exploited freely by any patron in any way). He's making more than 6K a month which is the same that the most successful, highest quality 3D model Patreons. So definitely a lot to learn from him. He focuses on helping the needs of his fanbase directly, at a very affordable price, instead of on product quality.

That's it for this week!

David
 
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Abrodos

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Hi!
31 hours worked this week, but really 22 (spent a day and a half fixing a tool that I could have bought again for 6$, I kinda obsessed with that so mismanaged time.

I made a task list for the week (it worked really good 2 weeks ago) with about 40 tasks of which I did 20. The problem was that I just dumped everything in the same category and most of the important stuff is still pending.

Also several unexpected and tasks not work-related made me lose about half of the afternoons (they were 2-hr meetings but I was anxious about that for all the afternoon, kinda like dads waking up at 2am to take a flight and then waiting for 5 hours). Also when I went to the flat I'd just be clumsy and mess up everything, so I didn't make any significant advance on the renovation.
I worked on a couple digital illustrations and a new sculpture that I posted on Instagram. I did a Reel for that last one and it worked surprisingly well (IG showed it to 13k people in the first hour, I have about 1000 followers, so got about 150 extra likes+ the usual 130 from my followers).


On weight, went up to 81,2 kg this week, not sure why (same diet, went hiking 2 days, probably had to do with anxiety/not pooping).

So this week I'll try to get all my pending tasks finished:
-Get a significant amount of work done in the flat (mount the electrical tubes in the living room and plaster the remaining holes),
- Sort out the storage room in my workshop (the working area is now clean) and a trip to the disposal facility,
- Another couple illustrations for the furry commission project (with some video recording as well),
- Another sculpture for the IG page,
- Some 3D work for the Patreon project
- Buy some clothes (I'm in urgent need of t-shirts that are not paint-stained)


That's it!
 

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Hi, just 25 hours of work this week.
A couple day-long mental breakdowns, a day spent away, and the bad decision to rearrange my workspace in a way that didn't work out and had to be undone, took me half of the week.
On the rest of it, I started a new sculpture for the IG reels, worked on sorting out and disposing the storage room (took a trip to the disposal plant with the car loaded to the top), and did some small work in the flat.

Not much else really. Didn't do any digital work though and I'm finidng it difficult to keep up the rythm withe the renovation work (last weeks I've been going there very little, maybe 1-2 times a week for a couple hours, and not advancing too much while there).

Not sure about getting the habit of making a weekly sculpture/IG post. I need to reprise work on my social media, but it is eating most of my weekly energy/time, and probably concentrating all my efforts on the flat will be better, so I can have it usable (move there or put it for rent) as soon as possible.

I'm really tired and having strong migraine right now, I'll finish the post later.
 
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Hi, just 25 hours of work this week.
A couple day-long mental breakdowns, a day spent away, and the bad decision to rearrange my workspace in a way that didn't work out and had to be undone, took me half of the week.
On the rest of it, I started a new sculpture for the IG reels, worked on sorting out and disposing the storage room (took a trip to the disposal plant with the car loaded to the top), and did some small work in the flat.

Not much else really. Didn't do any digital work though and I'm finidng it difficult to keep up the rythm withe the renovation work (last weeks I've been going there very little, maybe 1-2 times a week for a couple hours, and not advancing too much while there).

Not sure about getting the habit of making a weekly sculpture/IG post. I need to reprise work on my social media, but it is eating most of my weekly energy/time, and probably concentrating all my efforts on the flat will be better, so I can have it usable (move there or put it for rent) as soon as possible.

I'm really tired and having strong migraine right now, I'll finish the post later.
Hi. Just wanted to say I appreciate the effort it takes to keep these updates going. I'm not an artist myself, but I enjoy reading these and imagining what my life as an artist would look like if I had, you know, talent for art. I wish the forum had more threads like this.
 

Abrodos

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Hi. Just wanted to say I appreciate the effort it takes to keep these updates going. I'm not an artist myself, but I enjoy reading these and imagining what my life as an artist would look like if I had, you know, talent for art. I wish the forum had more threads like this.
Thank you very much for the reply! I genuinely appreciate it, I thought the lack of replies for almost a year was bc the thread wasn't useful for anyone, or even that it added negative value to the forum (somebody whining about lack of effort and recurrent depressive thoughts month after month might be un-motivating to others).
I decided not to stop posting though, because that's the only effective way I've found to be self-accountable.
Most things I can't share with friends and family (they're on a much different plane), especially mental issues, which I'm afraid that cause people to go away from me, and writing on this thread is cheaper than a 50€/week therapy/psychological session.
Also, to try to attain some goals, personal to-do lists, and strategy plans, just don't work for me. I'm good at elaborating them and I can spend a lot of time doing that, but I just don't implement them, or substitute them for other lists, and by publicly exposing myself in here, i hold more accountable.


So, let's go with the update from these last two weeks!

Mental state:
I've been 4 days on vacation with friends. I've been in a very good mood there, but as soon as I returned home the anxiety and depressive thoughts returned as usual. I'm not sure if it's bc the dynamics between me and my parents, the fact of being "enclosed" all day in my room (which is also my workplace), or being alone with my thoughts. But I've seen a very evident shift.

I've also had more anxiety attacks this last couple weeks, maybe one every 2-3 days, sudden palpitations, irritability about everything (especially noises that my neighbours made), and the sensation of beign overwhelmend, of not being able to carry everything. I let some energy out when driving home from the flat (luckily I was alone in the car windows closed when I was screaming full volume).
A lot of nightly intrusive thoughts as well, if I couldn't catch sleep by 2 am I suddenly got wide awake, started having palpitations as well and the thoughts would come, about me being a failure, all my friends living on their own, having kids, a nice house, with a good paying work, while I'm still with my parents at 32, alone, single and with a shitty flat in a shitty condition in the shittiest neighbourhood in the city. Luckily the thoughts vanish when I wake up, but I haven't been able to separate them or view them as not real/intrusive.

Tomorrow it's my birthday and my parents want to buy me a new mattress; I'll probably ask for the cash, to use it on some therapy sessions, which I need a lot more.

No news about weight loss; stuck at 80-81 kg for a month or so.

Had a lot of social stuff these last weeks (and this next one especially): Went on a visit to the summer camp I used to work, the 4 day holidays, today I celebrate my birthday with a couple friends, tomorrow with my family, on friday it's a friend's birthday as well (she throws a big party). I'm a bit overwhelmed by everything, and angry at myself because I'm not able to enjoy these situations as much as I used to.

I've also contacted a coach to help me define my life goals. I've been feeling very lost lately and I probably need some reaffirmation/realign. She charges 260€ so I'll try to do the work on my own with her 17€ book. I suspect I have already done that work with another program.
Anyway I spread on 3-4 pieces of paper my life goals, so I find that has helped a bit ease the burden I'm feeling lately.

Work done: 15,5h last week on the three days I was at home, 46hours this one!! Mainly on the flat and sculpting the girl portrait for IG.

Reel strategy: I've produced another sculpture (4 at the moment) but they take too long to do. I've discovered through A/B tests that people like 80% the gray clay, and that 57% more of my followers prefer monster sculptures rather than potraits. The first reel got viralized but the next ones didn't (13k, 0,6 and 2,1k views respectively). There were some posting errors though which I'll need to correct on next ones.
I want to try posting a reel a day instead of a reel a week, creating all of them at once, making them short and trying other formats.
I also want to do an "ask me anything" where my followers suggest stuff to sculpt, and creating those pieces in the span of a month or so.
If you're curious to see them here they are:

Pending stuff: I haven't worked on any digital stuff these weeks.
Things that are still pending are:
- Finishing the free materials of the KS campaign.
- Starting to work on new digital sculptures for the next campaign
- Producing some more furry illustrations for commission offering.

- Also finishing the goat sculpture.
The goat clients will come to see the beast on Sep 19th, so this week I'll be working on the digital stuff, and next week I'll be finishing all the remaining goat stuff.


Flat renovation: I had a difficult week, but I've reprised work. I've started electrical work on the living room, and started painting as well (atm 1 and a half walls are finished). I wanted to fix small irregularities and cracks on the wall but I'll leave it for the moment. Also I found my first cockroach (yay!), and some neighbours dropped 3 used tampons in my patio (double yay!).
On a good side note, I went to Ikea and got some inspiration/mental rest. Got a lot of ideas to help me visualize what I'm working towards and keep my course. Took a lot of product references as well. Walking between such cozy ambiances was a balm after so many days working in such a half finished place.

teaching: Another batch of jobs comes out on Thursday, that means I might get some year-long teaching position (probably part-time). we'll see. If I don't get any, that'll mean I'll do short substitutions throughout the year (which would probably be better for me).

stocks: Bought 15k worth of MSFT on Friday. Just to put my broker account cash to some use. So far a 500+ gain but as we say in Catalonia, "do not say cat until it is in the sack and well tied".
 

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