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GOLD 15 Days to Freedom - Make Money Copywriting in 15 Days or Less

Discussion in 'Hustles, Freelancing, Bootstrapping' started by SinisterLex, Apr 2, 2015.

  1. AlexLegault
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    AlexLegault Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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  2. SinisterLex
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    SinisterLex The moments that define you have already happened. Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    The copy looks pretty good for direct response. Can you back up your statements with proof? You can't really "make" people do anything with copywriting, so that's gonna be a red flag for most people. I wouldn't use it. If you do use it, you'll probably get contacted. Many clients will expect to see proof that your words sell. Other than that it looks good, especially for Fiverr.
     
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  3. AlexLegault
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    AlexLegault Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    Thanks for the feedback!

    Someone else also told me that that part seemed like a red flag, or "sketch". I'm changing that right now.

    Also since I don't have any proof yet, I was thinking of lowering my prices to get some reviews under my belt in order to get more testimonials before I raise the prices.
     
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  4. SinisterLex
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    SinisterLex The moments that define you have already happened. Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    Yup, that's exactly how to do it. There's a lot of people with high rates and $0 earned. It's smart to go low until you get those first 5 star reviews. Then double up and keep doing it. :)
     
  5. AlexLegault
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    Great idea, thanks for the tips man! I'll keep you guys updated :p
     
  6. IliasK
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    Thanks for great thread, I am on the mindset lesson 2 and I made earlier my first sale on Fiverr.
     
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  7. College Dropout
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    Day 2 Challenge (5-10 Headlines)

    I am completely new to this so please criticize away. I won't cry. Thoughts?

    Proof Reading Service
    Who am I?: I'm a graduate and undergraduate student with an important written assignment(s) to write.
    What do I want? (Desire): I want someone I can send my writing to who will quickly and conveniently improve it so I can get a good grade.
    Why do I want it? (Emotion): I want the weight of worrying about my grade lifted off my shoulders. I want to feel accomplished/ successful.

    Headline: "Writing Assignments Can Suck. We're Here To Help!"

    Social Media Marketing
    Who am I?: I'm a business owner, who is probably not very tech savvy, trying to gain more business through social media. They have more than likely steered clear of social media marketing because they don't understand it very well. Maybe they are even a bit skeptical about people trying to sell them on it.
    What do I want? (Desire): I want more business and more money, plain and simple. I want the nice things money can buy. I want to see my business grow.
    Why do I want it? (Emotion): I want to feel successful. I want to feel good about myself. I want to see the business I've grown, do better. I want to not have to worry about generating new business all the time.

    Headline: "Get New Business Fast and Easy! Here's How."

    Light Up Beer Pong Table (Because, who doesn't need one of these?!?!)

    Who am I?: I'm a college-aged person, probably male, and I really like to party. If I'm buying a table, I am going to be the one hosting the party(s).
    What do I want? (Desire): I want to have a great time living it up. I want girls. I want social status.
    Why do I want it: (Emotion)? Partying makes me feel excited/happy. I want romance/sexual gratification. I want to feel good about myself through validation from others.

    Headline: "Beer Pong Just Got More Awesome!"

    Gym Memberships
    Who am I?: I'm an out of shape person looking to get into shape, likely older or severely out of shape. I probably lack motivation and have tried to turn my lifestyle around in the past but didn't get the results I wanted in the time I wanted them or just gave up because it was too hard. For simplicity's sake I'm going to cater only to younger men (18-40) for this particular headline.

    What do I want? (Desire): I want a hot body. I want to look big/ powerful/ masculine. I want girls.
    Why do I want it? (Emotion): I want to feel attractive. I want to feel powerful. I want sex/romance. I want to feel good about myself through validation from others.

    Headline: "No Bullshit. No Excuses. Gain Muscle Fast and Look Great!"

    Book On Developing Better Sales Skills
    Who am I?: I'm a professional (likely a salesman) (likely a man) who needs to sell to people.
    What do I want? (Desire): I want to make more sales. I want more money to buy things/live better.
    Why do I want it? (Emotion): I want to feel accomplished/successful in life.

    Headline: "How To Sell Like A Winner!"


    Thanks!
     
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  8. College Dropout
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    Day Three

    Headlines


    Personal Training: "Feel Great! Look Better! Let's Build Your Dream Body!

    Web Design For eCommerce Stores: "Sit Back And Watch The Sales Roll In!"

    Cleaning Service "Save Time. Save Energy. We'll Make Your House Sparkle!"

    Fitness Clothing Brand For Gym Goers: "Demolish Every Workout And Feel Great Doing It!"

    Expensive Cowboy Boots: "Look Great! Feel Great! These Cowboy Boots Are Southern Style At Its Finest!"

    Paragraph: Cleaning Service

    Are you tired of living in filth? Cleaning can be stressful and draining. And, let's be honest, you've got better things to do. You can't afford to spend all day cleaning, and frankly, you don't want to.

    Take a second and imagine coming home to a sparkling clean home. Your clothes are folded, there isn't a speck of dust anywhere, and the best part? You didn't have to lift a finger. How would you feel? Happy? Relieved? Energized?

    Call (###-###-####) now and let us handle it all. No stress. No mess. We'll make your home spotless, so you can get on with your day.

    The first time's on us! (Offer Ends Friday!)

    Thoughts @SinisterLex ?
     
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2017
  9. DannyD
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    DannyD Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER

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  10. DannyD
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    DannyD Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER

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    Went through the challenges in this thread

    Applied to 5 jobs yesterday, already got my first copywriting job. Working for pennies on the dollar (billed at $0.02 per word) but treating this as a learning experience.

    (Having a few 5 star reviews from doing some article writing before probably helped)

    Also going to start reading Ca$hvertising and see what I can learn from that.

    Thanks again!
     
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  11. Logan P
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    Logan P Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER

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    Hi All!,
    I was hoping to get some critique on my copy here. I'm certainly open to all opinions of help and value, but do keep in mind this is onlr my THIRD piece of copy...for anything to do with copy. The excerpt is in regards to a jacket I have listed and am selling. Figured since I'm doing Lex's course I mine as well incorporate it immediately and apply it to my products :) Thanks all!!!

    "Finally, a “One and Done” winter jacket. The *Insert Jacket Name* is an absolutely PHENOMENAL piece of equipment. If you’re looking for an expertly crafted jacket to endure any type of cold environment whether it be mildly chilly or arctic worthy, then look no further than the *Insert Jacket Name*.

    Built with superb comfort in mind, climbing into this jacket is like being wrapped up in your favorite blanket at home with a hearty fire crackling nearby. It instills a feeling of being bundled securely and snuggly, especially with having 50D RipStop Polyester for the exterior fabric.

    You are getting a fantastic deal on this item and I know you WILL NOT be disappointed. This is the only one currently in stock and you can’t find this jacket for sale anywhere else. They’re all SOLD OUT!!! Add this to your “Watch List” and get ready to put your bid in ASAP. This item is only up for sale til January 5th, 2018 so don’t miss out on your ONLY opportunity to get this spectacular jacket!"
     
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  12. Yeap Yong Tuck
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    What do you guys think about this

    hard disk
    - Your Memories are Safe With Us, Because They Matter.

    bluetooth earphone
    - UNCHAINED BEAST

    exercise bike
    - Getting Fit while Netflixing

    hair styling products
    - There's no Bad Hair Day with Tucklife Hair Gum.

    copywriting service
    - We don't Write Copy, We Write Value

    pc building
    - Built for VictorieS

    k
     
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  13. SinisterLex
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    SinisterLex The moments that define you have already happened. Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    Good try. Glad you're making it through the training!

    To me this sounds like stereotypical copy (what you might call cliche). A lot of the copy training out there teaches you to use things like "Finally!" or "One and Done" but these are overused statements that don't produce that feeling of authenticity so many people are searching for these days. Modifiers like "superb" also taking away from the experience. To enhance this you'd want to describe what makes the product superb or in what way it is comfortable. This is the difference between telling and showing.

    If your customer is truly getting a fantastic deal, they'll know it. They won't need you to tell them how fantastic it is. If you tell them it's fantastic, you'll set off their skeptic alarms and send them running for the hills. Again, this is another opportunity to show vs. tell. What makes it a fantastic deal? How will they not be disappointed? Who has worn this jacket? What material is it made of? What makes other people want it, and how will owning it make the customer superior to his friends or colleagues? These are the kind of questions that, if you find answers for, will trigger their interest and get them to buy.

    ;)
     
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  14. SinisterLex
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    SinisterLex The moments that define you have already happened. Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    hard disk - Sounds like you're selling a cloud service rather than a hard disk. How would I know it was a hard disk? Are you selling a hard disk or a journaling software? Memory can mean different things in different contexts. Based on the headline alone, I wouldn't know what this is.

    bluetooth earphone - I don't get the beast reference. Unchained might be better as unplugged but I'm not sure. If someone asked me about bluetooth, I wouldn't know how to describe it because I don't use it. So if I landed on a site and I saw "unchained beast" that wouldn't catch my interest because I'd still have no idea what this is, why I'm here, or how this helps me.

    exercise bike - this one would make a bit more sense if there was a good picture to go with it. Still doesn't highlight any immediate benefit for me. I can exercise and watch Netflix without a bike for free. This doesn't target any core interest for me. It's not cheaper than free, and it doesn't target any particular pain (exercising without television is not a pain for me).

    hair styling products - a bit generic. It at least describes the a benefit of using the product, so that's good. But what is a bad hair day? Who has this problem? Who is the target of this product and what does their pain point look or feel like? Is it tangled hair? Is it hair that looks messy? Is it cow licks?

    copywriting service - I like this one a bit better than the others. The people who would hire copywriters (usually entrepreneurs or businesses) understand what you mean when you say "value" so that's good. It helps to target the right people. To make this even stronger you might pinpoint the exact industry you write copy for.

    pc building - This is way too generic for me. Even with a picture, I don't think I'd care. If I'm going to have someone build a PC for me, I want to know they build high-powered custom PC computing solutions for small businesses who need enough power to edit videos with 20 chrome tabs open at the same time. <--- that's way more specific, and if a headline said that, it would have my attention.
     
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  15. Logan P
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    @SinisterLex Greatly appreciated the feedback, truly! Extremely, extremely helpful and of value! I was thinking along the same lines of what you were describing when I use words like "superb, amazing, incredible, etc" but didnt know how else to sell or entice the customer until you replied. I never really started thinking from customer's point of view until this thread and from your posts throughout it! When I ask myself questions that the customer would ask or think it makes it SO much easier to write and dare I say...with even LESS effort haha! Thanks again for the feedback man!
     
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  16. inspiratzen
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    hi guys I have been taking action with copywriting and love this thread. I wrote some headlines and I would appreciate your feedback <3


    1. This Drink is 10X STRONGER than Coffee! (energy drink business maybe)

    2. TRIPLE Your Customers in 2018! (SEO business)

    3. Become a BITCOIN Millionaire EASILY (coin exchange)

    4. These Cryptocurrencies Will Make You Rich (another coin exchange)

    5. The ONE Trick to SKYROCKET Your IQ (gym)
     
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  17. SinisterLex
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    SinisterLex The moments that define you have already happened. Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    You guys should post the context when posting your headlines. Are these blog article headlines? Website headlines? Product description headlines? To give appropriate feedback I need the context.

    If these are Ad, blog, or direct response sales letter headlines then they look like standard click-bait stuff that will probably do fine at getting people to click. These are the kind of headlines I'd expect to see come across my facebook wall. Most people are aware that it's clickbait, and yet, they'll still click.

    If these are website headlines, then they need work because you shouldn't have to tell me what the headline is about. I should be able to figure it out from the headline. I'm assuming these aren't website headlines tho.
     
  18. inspiratzen
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    Yeah with these headlines I was thinking that they were for those advertisements that appear at the side of websites, for people to click and go further into more copy.
     
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  19. Logan P
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    Hello all again!,

    After taking Sinister's advice I'd like to think that I've improved my copy further and would love feedback again on another example. This particular copy just sold this jacket I had for sale so there must be something good about it somewhere :p

    (P.S. if anyone can provide feedback in regards to my headline specifically that'd be awesome. I feel like my headlines are really lacking and I've yet to come across a Day yet that really dives into producing a solid Headline. Would love information about creating solid headlines and ones that work on common platforms like craigslist, amazon, ebay, etc. Thanks :) )
    __________________________________________________________

    NEW Sorel Women's Caribou Down Winter Parka w/Hood, Medium in Arctic White!!!


    Are you ready to bring your search to an end? Or perhaps you're just browsing and happened to stumble upon this Incredible, Defined, and Crafted dream of a Parka. Either way, I'm going to help you. How...? By letting you know that this Sorel Caribou Parka is up for grabs...and I can assure you it won’t be that way for long.


    The Sorel Caribou Parka is the COMPLETE Package when it comes to luxurious, yet fully capable, outerwear. Inspired by Sorel's Caribou Boot, the Caribou Parka is Sorel's classic cold weather coat. Filled with premium 800-Fill power goose down for insulation, and complimented with both a 100% coyote fur-trimmed hood and an extremely water resistant exterior shell, the Caribou Parka is ready for the most harsh of winter conditions. Designed with a scrupulous attention to detail the Caribou Parka is loaded with the essentials and luxuries that anyone going into the cold would dream to have. Following is a list of some of the finer, appreciable features of this Parka, but unfortunately words can do no justice for just how spectacular and astounding this Parka truly is:

    • Felted Wool Chin Guard & Hand Pockets for Comfort and Warmth
    • Attachable, Adjustable Coyote Fur Hood
    • Internal Quilting for Maximum Coziness
    • Snap and Zippered Chest, Rib, Hand, and Arm Pockets
    • Interior Drawcords for Precision Fitting
    • Expansible Wrist Cuffs for Style & Exposure of Wrists In Cold
    • Premium Leather and Metal Logos
    I need not say more on the capabilities, style, and pure bliss that the Sorel Caribou Parka will bring you when you throw this Parka over your shoulders to get wrapped in. I can promise you that this item WILL BE SOLD BY THE END OF THIS BID! DO NOT deprive yourself of this Parka. You won't find another one like it and if you do it will be worn to bits and pieces because the people who own this KEEP IT FOR LIFE! It is truly that high-quality of a meticulously, well-made item of clothing. Put your bid in now or if you want to secure the Sorel Caribou Parka immediately BUY IT NOW. No matter what you do, you are getting a tremendous bargain and deal on the Sorel Caribou Parka. This Parka retails for $925!!!


    P.S. I ship IMMEDIATELY upon receipt of payment. What I'm saying is that YOU decide how fast you get your item because I'm always on standby ready to ship your item to you :) I offer a 100% Satisfaction Guarantee for legitimate reasons and purposes. Please PM if this is needed by you and I'd be more than happy to refund your purchase!
    ____________________________________________________________________

    [Advisement: I'm not actively trying to sell this to anyone as it has already been sold so I left the product name in there along with my "P.S." at the bottom]
     
  20. IliasK
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    Almost three weeks and I have ten orders on Fiverr and just got the first job on Upwork. Do you recommend to focus on one-two sites or applying everywhere can work also?
     

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  21. OMDA
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    Thank you for making this thread.

    I've been reading it and have also been picking at Cashvertising.

    Best of all, I've already started using it on web designs (so far on revising my homepage).

    There's something to be said about clean site designs with a good template. It makes the copywriting that much more enjoyable. Advertising skills with a focus on value added is tremendous. It's way more fun than going deep into code that nobody will see for months.

    Also, what I have read here seems to have helped some test adword performance. But, more on that later.
     
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  22. Logan P
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    To some of the more experienced members with copywriting experience. What's your opinion on using symbols in your headlines? For example, " Indulge in Bliss & Satisfy Your Sweet Tooth"? Are symbols a no-go or of indifference? Also, would love opinions on the headline as well lol. I picked the product that was sitting in front of me which happened to be a Starbucks Caramel Macchiato lmao Thanks guys, much appreciated! Let me know if there is any way I can be of help to you as well!
     
  23. SinisterLex
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    SinisterLex The moments that define you have already happened. Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    Like I said before, context is everything. Indulge in Bliss tells me nothing without a picture. If this were an email headline it wouldn't work. If it were on a sign with a picture sitting outside a Starbucks store it would probably do pretty well. If your customer doesn't have context to give meaning to your headline, it will fail every time. They're not going to care about something when they don't have any idea what it is or why they should care. If they do know what it is, and they're looking for reasons to justify their purchase, then that's a different story.
     
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