Monogamy. The idea of loving only one woman all your life?

[MoneyHacker]

I was raised to the belief that you should and only love one person in your life. Never think of the pickup artist game. Be loyal and faithful. You attract people who think like you. Imagine marrying a wife that devotes all her energy to your family, to supporting your career. Of course you need to pick your wife carefully.

Look at the most successful men in the world: Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg... They all have not-so-beautiful wives and their wives seem to be family-oriented, i don't know them in person so i only assume that. It is also true with your girlfriend. Is that the biggest asset you've ever had, more than anything. If i'm wrong, please change my mind.

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EDIT: (Adding more reasons to support the argument)
"People who are married are statistically happier". As Chris pointed out.

"That doesn't mean everything ties back to only their marriage. Work, debt, stress, diet, mental attitude." as @DaRK9 stated. People're afraid of marriage because it's tied with troubles, while marriage itself is not all troubles, trouble is what happens to you in your life and it also affects marriage.

We often associate "good guy" with "low quality", it's not always the case. It's because we see a lot of "high quality" guy acting like "bad guy", doesn't mean we have to act like "bad guy" to be a "high quality" guy. It's a different aspect. Strive to be "high quality" but also strive to be "good".

Be loyal to a partner doesn't mean we are limited of option. If we have option, we do have many chances to choose what cakes we like. But will we choose cakes that are delicious, and spend our whole life on the journey looking for the most delicious cake which will never end, or will we choose the cakes that are beneficial to our healths.

We're young and we should experience as much as possible. But that's dangerous when we are used to that lifestyle, it's hard to change, like a habit or mindset. What you experienced and saw will affect you later in life. You can change, but you can't fully change.

We don't need to date as many as possible to find out who is right for us. We can justify most by normal daily contacts. Dating more doesn't mean you have more experience with women, dating one person in depth does. And you won't chasing an eternity.

And again this is just a lifestyle, i don't judge its morality, just simply our choice, you can be good with or without a "right partner". But the question is to find the best possible outcome, or something close to that, not just being good.

 

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[Timmy C]

I was raised to the belief that you should and only love one person in your life. Never think of the pickup artist game. Be loyal and faithful. You attract people who think like you. Imagine marrying a wife that devotes all her energy to your family, to supporting your career. Of course you need to pick your wife carefully.

Look at the most successful men in the world: Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg... They all have not-so-beautiful wives and their wives seem to be family-oriented, i don't know them in person so i only assume that. It is also true with your girlfriend. Is that the biggest asset you've ever had, more than anything. If i'm wrong, please change my mind.

I think you will find the beliefs you where raised on, are not even close to the reality in this world.

 

[MoneyHacker]

I think you will find the beliefs you where raised on, are not even close to the reality in this world.

Why? I think there are still women who are loyal and also i'm aware that i should be loyal but shouldn't show too much of them to the girls. Learn the PUA game but only use that to keep my wife or my girlfriend. Try not to be boring, is that what the reality you said about?

 

[Timmy C]

Why? I think there are still women who are loyal and also i'm aware that i should be loyal but shouldn't show too much of them to the girls. Learn the PUA game but only use that to keep my wife or my girlfriend. Try not to be boring, is that what the reality you said about?

It has nothing to do with loyalty. Forget that PUA shit, just focus on your goals.

Nothing to do with loyalty and has everything to do with reality. Even if you find that special someone! Lmao, you get sick of everyone eventually given enough time, everything is always great at the start, you could have the sexiest girlfriend ever then within a couple of years you can't stand her. Been there done that.

then it plateaus, either you get bored or sick of her shit and dump her or the other way around. Both of you could potentially cheat, even if you don't there's a high chance it'll fizzle out as relationships do.

Not saying you can't find your special snowflake, just know that expecting to only go through one woman to find her is unrealistic.

 

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[Brewmacker]

Personally I have never felt so free since I said "F*ck It" to relationships or even better "F*ck it to finding the one". For the first time in my life I am the one getting dumped and its great! I am being myself and doing my own thing. When I meet the right girl she will not be begging me to come to her place to watch netflix, she will be popping by my place so we can work together.

In the past I always felt so desperate or in a rush all the time when I was not in a relationship. When I got in one I did whatever it took to keep her happy and blah blah nice guy syndrome etc.

Partners will always take a toll on your free time (i.e. time when you could be working on your business) and when you have children they will deserve even more of your time.

Family is natural part of life and so is Monogamy. I accept that I really want that someday, but on my terms.

Yes go be with ALOT of women, it should be natural for both women and men to be open to connections and sexual experiences. Just be ready for when you meet the right one (for you). Someday there will be that person who is complete in herself and compliments you perfectly . Then you can grow together instead of sucking the emotional souls and life out of each other.

If monogamy is an issue then find a partner who is similar and share those swinger party experiences together.

 

[Kevin88660]

I was raised to the belief that you should and only love one person in your life. Never think of the pickup artist game. Be loyal and faithful. You attract people who think like you. Imagine marrying a wife that devotes all her energy to your family, to supporting your career. Of course you need to pick your wife carefully.

Look at the most successful men in the world: Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg... They all have not-so-beautiful wives and their wives seem to be family-oriented, i don't know them in person so i only assume that. It is also true with your girlfriend. Is that the biggest asset you've ever had, more than anything. If i'm wrong, please change my mind.

To be fair to Melinda Gates she looks cute to me in younger photo.

Number one issues that breaks marriage apart remains money. So I think the wives in such affluent families surely have less things to worry.

I take a historical view of events. People in the past marry to have kids as an necessity for farm labor. With the industrial revolution and greater wealth for the first time in history people marry for love and bonding, with men earning much more than women who remain in unskilled position.

Now in developed countries women have equal rights and make same amount of money if not slightly more than men. States play a more actively role in subsidizing the cost of children that make marriage not a necessity. Internet and social media have changed the way that human beings bond with one another. You have a new generation of boys and girls that grow up with a “whats there for me” mindset. Eventually relationship these days for young people perhaps is about having social media presence to post and look cool?

I think we are in an post bourgeois era where everything is okay as long as you do not harm or cheat others. It is okay to be perpetually single. It is okay to be lgbt. It is okay to be perpetually not serious. It is okay to be loving someone whole heartedly, as what the OP has said. But When The OP said it is something that people “should do” no doubt some others living a different lifestyle will find it somewhat judgmental.

I think eventually what is not going to change at least for the foreseeable time being is that everyone has desires and needs. If you want to commit to someone worthy of committing to she has to act and see you as worthy in the same way. It has to be combination of “what do I want and what I can offer in return”.

 

[broswoodwork]

The world needs to go back to high school sweethearts. Kids are waiting till the verge of infertility to pretend to find someone who checks all of the boxes.

I blame the Script.

 

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[John D.]

If you look at it in a purely practical way in terms of your business goals, rejecting monogamy and chasing skirts can be a serious timesink and will ultimately leave you emotionally hollow.

And having affairs while in a relationship simply isn't worth the headaches, looking at it from a selfish standpoint (moral issues aside).

On the other hand, having that one girl who steps in as your personal cheerleader whether it's rain, hail or shine...
The one who provides you with the emotional support you desperately need when the going gets tough...
One you know deep down has your best interests at heart and who you can share your struggles with at the end of the day...

Nothing compares to that. Those are my two cents.

 

[Em7]

A stable & healthy relationship that helps you stay on top will definitely help you out in your business.

Being single can reduce distractions, but for most of us that'll get lonely and I would end up thinking more about finding a girl than finding success

 

[Longinus]

The world needs to go back to high school sweethearts. Kids are waiting till the verge of infertility to pretend to find someone who checks all of the boxes.

I blame the Script.

Don't make me laugh. High school sweethearts probably have the highest divorce rate of all. People change so much between 18 and 30 yo and nobody's adult enough to have a serious relation at the age of 20, let alone 18.

For years I thought my gf was my biggest asset. For sure she helped me with a lot and always supported me in my business. On the other hand she was raised totally different than me and that led to a lot of problems.

After almost 12 years we broke up. I'm single for 4-5 months now and never felt so good in my life as now.

So, "the right partner" is quite subjective. Because I thought I had the right one and was blind for her flaws, like many other people probably do.

"We accept the love we think we deserve."

 

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[broswoodwork]

Don't make me laugh. High school sweethearts probably have the highest divorce rate of all. People change so much between 18 and 30 yo and nobody's adult enough to have a serious relation at the age of 20, let alone 18.

For years I thought my gf was my biggest asset. For sure she helped me with a lot and always supported me in my business. On the other hand she was raised totally different than me and that led to a lot of problems.

After almost 12 years we broke up. I'm single for 4-5 months now and never felt so good in my life as now.

So, "the right partner" is quite subjective. Because I thought I had the right one and was blind for her flaws, like many other people probably do.

"We accept the love we think we deserve."

Sorry it didn't work out for you.

To be honest, we should go back to divorce being socially stigmatized as well. A lot of things have been pushed on the population since the 60's, not all bad obviously, but social cohesiveness is at an all time low, I believe, as a tertiary effect of social experimentation.

Who am I though? Just some a**hole talking about monogamy on a dog toy dropshipping forum.

 

[MoneyHacker]

Not saying you can't find your special snowflake, just know that expecting to only go through one woman to find her is unrealistic.

Yeah, this is a solid point. But i didn't mean that when we first meet and know someone then we would stick to her to rest of our lives, i meant when we actually love someone then we should be with her till the end. You said it would be boring and finally we cheat, but with a big goal ahead, let's say building a business or a rich family, we could skip that feelings right?

 

[MoneyHacker]

I can't speak for others, but my wife is my biggest asset, both personally and financially. From a purely financial perspective, my net worth would likely be 25% of what it is if it weren't for her...

That's only one data point, but it's still a data point...

That data point alone is enough. I'm going for that life

 

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[ChrisV]

If i'm wrong, please change my mind.

You're not. So I won't even attempt.

I can't speak for others, but my wife is my biggest asset, both personally and financially. From a purely financial perspective, my net worth would likely be 25% of what it is if it weren't for her...

That's only one data point, but it's still a data point...

^^^ this. Plus people who are married are statistically happier.

 

[MoneyHacker]

Personally I have never felt so free since I said "F*ck It" to relationships or even better "F*ck it to finding the one". For the first time in my life I am the one getting dumped and its great! I am being myself and doing my own thing. When I meet the right girl she will not be begging me to come to her place to watch netflix, she will be popping by my place so we can work together.

In the past I always felt so desperate or in a rush all the time when I was not in a relationship. When I got in one I did whatever it took to keep her happy and blah blah nice guy syndrome etc.

Partners will always take a toll on your free time (i.e. time when you could be working on your business) and when you have children they will deserve even more of your time.

Family is natural part of life and so is Monogamy. I accept that I really want that someday, but on my terms.

Yes go be with ALOT of women, it should be natural for both women and men to be open to connections and sexual experiences. Just be ready for when you meet the right one (for you). Someday there will be that person who is complete in herself and compliments you perfectly . Then you can grow together instead of sucking the emotional souls and life out of each other.

If monogamy is an issue then find a partner who is similar and share those swinger party experiences together.

Man, i almost fell in love with what you said until this "If monogamy is an issue then find a partner who is similar and share those swinger party experiences together." lol. I must admit that kind of relationship is alluring
Should we define the term combined of both "nice guy" and "bad guy". That's possible right?

 

[Kak]

My wife completes the picture for me. Doing this entrepreneur thing totally for myself and no one else, I found myself getting complacent and not playing offense any more.

With a wife that is incredibly supportive, she lifts me up when I’m frustrated. She is a big part of my motivation to even do this stuff. She is literally someone I talk business with. She has solved countless problems just by giving me a different perspective.

I couldn’t do it without her, and yes, she is my biggest asset. By far.

 

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[MoneyHacker]

“what do I want and what I can offer in return”.

I will remember this. Because i once both experienced the feelings of boredom when someone is too easy and loyal to me, and also being ignored when i'm too loyal to the other person. So i think it's necessary to add some games but for good intention.

 

[Kybalion]

Dude, I am jealous of your belief in monogamy. It would make my life a LOT easier if I believed in it. Trough a mix of unfortunate experiences I have become conditioned to believe that monogamy is bs. I don't trust any human can be loyal, and thus I can't be loyal myself, because I would feel like a chump (I believe that any person will cheat at some point in time given the right circumstances).

With that being said I would love to have a loyal girl. Please, don't challenge your beliefs about monogamy or you will be doomed to whoring around for the rest of your life.

 

[MoneyHacker]

Don't make me laugh. High school sweethearts probably have the highest divorce rate of all. People change so much between 18 and 30 yo and nobody's adult enough to have a serious relation at the age of 20, let alone 18.

For years I thought my gf was my biggest asset. For sure she helped me with a lot and always supported me in my business. On the other hand she was raised totally different than me and that led to a lot of problems.

After almost 12 years we broke up. I'm single for 4-5 months now and never felt so good in my life as now.

So, "the right partner" is quite subjective. Because I thought I had the right one and was blind for her flaws, like many other people probably do.

"We accept the love we think we deserve."

I'm sorry about that. I don't have enough experience to see all the possibilities. Maybe luck does play some part. But that's still something, giving love and being loved, loyalty is beneficial. Bad thing happens always. But your marriage was a wonderful thing, at least i assume that.

 

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[Tubs]

It has nothing to do with loyalty. Forget that PUA shit, just focus on your goals.

Nothing to do with loyalty and has everything to do with reality. Even if you find that special someone! Lmao, you get sick of everyone eventually given enough time, everything is always great at the start, you could have the sexiest girlfriend ever then within a couple of years you can't stand her. Been there done that.

then it plateaus, either you get bored or sick of her shit and dump her or the other way around. Both of you could potentially cheat, even if you don't there's a high chance it'll fizzle out as relationships do.

Not saying you can't find your special snowflake, just know that expecting to only go through one woman to find her is unrealistic.

What you're talking about with getting bored of staying with the same women is known as the Coolidge effect. The tl;dr is that over time men will get less dopamine release when they sleep with the same woman. But will get a renewed high hit of dopamine if they get with a new woman.

Coolidge effect - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

It's pretty clear why men experience this from an evolutionary point of view. We've evolved to spread our genes far and wide, so it would make sense that the brain rewards us when we sleep with different women. It's very important to understand this, as your relationship with a woman goes on the sex will eventually get less pleasurable. Not to say it won't still be pleasurable, but it will be less intensely pleasurable than when you first got with the woman.

Now does that mean you shouldn't stick with a single woman and should instead go around and have flings with multiple women?

Not in my opinion, sex is really just one aspect of a relationship. If you got with a woman just cause you found her sexually attractive and/or cause the sex was good then you're gonna eventually get bored of her as the Coolidge effect takes hold, which is why you should put more emphasis on a woman personality.

Find a high quality woman who has good morals, make sure you can get along with her. Do you find the relationship enjoyable? Are you both supportive of each other?
Is your relationship a healthy one? Could you see her being the mother of your children? Really get to know a woman and if she meets your personal moral, ethical, and comparability standards then you should probably go with her.

 

[MoneyHacker]

My wife completes the picture for me. Doing this entrepreneur thing totally for myself and no one else, I found myself getting complacent and not playing offense any more.

With a wife that is incredibly supportive, she lifts me up when I’m frustrated. She is a big part of my motivation to even do this stuff. She is literally someone I talk business with. She has solved countless problems just by giving me a different perspective.

I couldn’t do it without her, and yes, she is my biggest asset. By far.

Wonderful. I always wish i can find someone like that. But i haven't found one yet. Hopefully i could in the future and also not be stupid to fall in love with a beautiful girl that will have my life destroyed.

 

[MoneyHacker]

Dude, I am jealous of your belief in monogamy. It would make my life a LOT easier if I believed in it. Trough a mix of unfortunate experiences I have become conditioned to believe that monogamy is bs. I don't trust any human can be loyal, and thus I can't be loyal myself, because I would feel like a chump (I believe that any person will cheat at some point in time given the right circumstances).

With that being said I would love to have a loyal girl. Please, don't challenge your beliefs about monogamy or you will be doomed to whoring around for the rest of your life.

I believe there are so many loyal people out there. We just play our part and together hope the luck will come. But i think that it's just a lifestyle that we choose, no right and wrong. We can do anything as long as we are happy. But belief or mindset is something that can be changed, like MJ does with us, i guess

 

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[MoneyHacker]

What you're talking about with getting bored of staying with the same women is known as the Coolidge effect. The tl;dr is that over time men will get less dopamine release when they sleep with the same woman. But will get a renewed high hit of dopamine if they get with a new woman.

Coolidge effect - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

It's pretty clear why men experience this from an evolutionary point of view. We've evolved to spread our genes far and wide, so it would make sense that the brain rewards us when we sleep with different women. It's very important to understand this, as your relationship with a woman goes on the sex will eventually get less pleasurable. Not to say it won't still be pleasurable, but it will be less intensely pleasurable than when you first got with the woman.

Now does that mean you shouldn't stick with a single woman and should instead go around and have flings with multiple women?

Not in my opinion, sex is really just one aspect of a relationship. If you got with a woman just cause you found her sexually attractive and/or cause the sex was good then you're gonna eventually get bored of her as the Coolidge effect takes hold, which is why you should put more emphasis on a woman personality.

Find a high quality woman who has good morals, make sure you can get along with her. Do you find the relationship enjoyable? Are you both supportive of each other?
Is your relationship a healthy one? Could you see her being the mother of your children? Really get to know a woman and if she meets your personal moral, ethical, and comparability standards then you should probably go with her.

Man, i can't believe you're the same age with me. I have so much to learn from you. Real respect!!

 

[Brewmacker]

Man, i almost fell in love with what you said until this "If monogamy is an issue then find a partner who is similar and share those swinger party experiences together." lol. I must admit that kind of relationship is alluring
Should we define the term combined of both "nice guy" and "bad guy". That's possible right?

Yes it is definitely somewhat possible, though im always calibrating,.
I am not sure about the other guys opinions but sometimes i am a "nice guy", sometimes a "C&nt".

The end result or the target is called a "Good Man". That is the sweet spot

 

[astr0]

Everything depends on your goals.

My wife is great. She may not be the best asset financially but she gifted me great kids and helped to build security for all of us. She also supported me on all my business journeys and recently, after reading Unscripted and listened to all my points, started a business herself that already getting some results. Discussing high-level stuff with her is also very beneficial as she has a somewhat different mindset and skils and can see our plans from a different perspective. Without her, I wouldn't build a home and wouldn't have much money for my current venture.

On the other hand, my partner dated a girl for 6 years and now dating another one for 5+. Both of them are happy and they still in love with each other. I highly doubt he would marry her, but they definitely have a great time together.

 

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[ChrisV]

It's very important to understand this, as your relationship with a woman goes on the sex will eventually get less pleasurable. Not to say it won't still be pleasurable, but it will be less intensely pleasurable than when you first got with the woman.

I don't agree with this part. First as you noted, dopamine is only one single aspect of the feelings you get from sex. There's dopamine (pure desire/raw sexual attraction,) but those feelings get replaced with Oxytocin (true love, pair-bonding hormones) especially as time goes on.



So pure attraction is related to dopamine and the sex hormones (Testosterone/Estrogen) but on the other hand love is related to snuggly, warm pair-bonding hormones (oxytocin/vasopressin.) That's why people say that as time goes on their partner becomes their best friend. Pair-bonding.

So if you're only looking at it from the standpoint of dopamine, sure.

It get even more complex than this because people have different baseline transmission levels of dopamine due to a number of factors (genetic, environmental) so people with higher natural transmission will rely less on raw sexual attraction

Our findings suggest that conscientiousness [High DA transmission] is the trait most broadly associated with marital satisfaction in this sample of long-wed couples.

Personality traits and marital satisfaction within enduring relationships - Journal of Social and Personal Relationships

I wrote about it here:

HOT! - MINDSET - Dopamine. The missing piece of the success puzzle. (Improve Locus of Control, Motivation, Self-control)

Okay, we’re going to get into some deep and really cool stuff here. I bounced back and forth for almost a year on this forum as to whether I even wanted to post about this, since I’m planning on saving the materials for a book. But the more I think about it I think it's such an essential thread...

www.thefastlaneforum.com

But essentially people with higher baseline dopamine transmission actually have higher rates of marital satisfaction. The reason is likely becasue they naturally produce a lot of dopamine and don't need to seek as much externally. So someone with an addictive personality (low DA transmission) will have to constantly stimulate their reward center with new women, someone with normal DA levels will be fine with the same woman becasue they're less reliant on external sources of pleasure.

So actually if you're in the 'high DA' camp, sex doesn't become less pleasurable because your brain supplies it naturally.

Your post make a very good point, but just note that people significantly vary in the amount of external stimulation they need.

 

[ChrisV]

What you're talking about with getting bored of staying with the same women is known as the Coolidge effect. The tl;dr is that over time men will get less dopamine release when they sleep with the same woman. But will get a renewed high hit of dopamine if they get with a new woman.

Coolidge effect - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Also note that much of the research behind the Coolidge Effect was found in mice. Mice are significantly less monogamous than humans. But humans also vary in how monogamous they are, so some humans behave like the mice do, but more conscientious humans are less likely to react like that; which is why infidelity and divorce rates are lower among more conscientious individuals.

 

[Rabby]

A pretty big concept to understand is that there is no perfect "someone."

The relationship, the willingness of both people to help each other maximize their individual and family happiness, including things like wealth and emotional security, is the important thing.

If you have only one person worshipping the other because "he/she's the best thing that's ever happened to me," it spells trouble. Respect, affection, and support have to go both ways if you're living in the same house with them.

Given how much trouble people have building this kind of relationship with one person, I'm pretty sure I understand where we got the idea of monogamy. Do you want to live on the floor below the guy with 3 pissed off wives in his apartment?

 

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[Schonox]

I followed my my male reproductive organ far too long, if i hadn't done that i'd probably be a multi multi millionaire lol

 

[Guest24480]

Plus people who are married are statistically happier.

Source?

I have seen time and time again, albeit anecdotally, men who become dramatically less happy after they get married.