Are We In a Relationship?

[YoungPadawan]

no balls no babies

Haha, nice.

 

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[#nowhere]

Don't even think of something called "relationship" if you haven't been in bed together yet ... and even then there's a long road to go and many experiences (roadblocks) to make/avoid to say "we are in a relationship". If you ever say it, is up to you. I don't. I date women, if she's there: fine ... if not: fine, too. Continued dates with sex and love can be called "relationship" BUT why bother about if this is called "relationship" then or not?!

One important point:
She has to earn your trust, your time and your affection. Goes in the direction @Ubermensch mentioned.

That's how things work in my world... imho.

(What I consider as more than likely: You notice something along the way that doesn't fit ... Next!)

 

[csalvato]

nearly two months since op...

if they aren't together by now, they never will be.

think we can take a deep breath and move on as a community now

 

[jason91]

I completely agree with you. IMO chasing women and trying to win their heart is pure waste of time, even if you do win her heart there's no guarantee she will always be with you, there are simply too many variables that may affect her attitude down the road and break your heart. Call me pussy, not man enough or other 'cool' beta names, but I don't have time for this drama anymore. I made a firm decision of working on myself physically and mentally and concentrating 100% on hustling, rather than thinking about her or any other woman.

As per going for a kiss. I already mentioned, she firmly declared "I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I hope we are just friends"....and then she goes... "We look so nice together, we really fulfill each other in many ways" or "you are my soul mate" and she often gets jealous when other women tag me when we go visit places....so I am really pissed off with this. She knows I DO LIKE HER, because I told her. She told me she doesn't see me as a partner, but chases my tail.... She's 28 and should be more mature IMO.

Maybe I am wrong, maybe she's right, maybe my perception of what is right and wrong is flawed...but I am trying to concentrate on what attracts a cat, instead of chasing a cat. IMO having what cat loves opens a lot more doors than simply chasing a cat around the tree.

Cheers again - for your input, guys!

Man, this is what many women are like. They're like a river crashing on you from different directions, pushing you left and right. Will you go the course you want? Or will you be pushed away due to the difficulty. She wants certainty. You are not certain.

Stop trying to chase the cat, and stop trying to bait the cat. Grab her and show her you've made your decision. 6 years ago, I had a similar thing happen to me. 6 years later, this will never happen to me again.

 

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[Almantas]

No, I am not with her. She's chasing me now, because I am too busy working on my goals. It really pissed me off when I found out that her ex regularly visits her. However, she started covering her a$$ by saying that she doesn't like/love/respect him (blah, blah, blah...). It seems that she wants to keep as many options open as possible, but doesn't realize the side effects of such strategy.

For instance, last time we had a conversation was on Sunday and I didn't text her until yesterday. Yesterday she texted me "you are so quiet, I hate this silence, how are you doing?". She regularly sends such messages to me, because I am working on my own stuff now. Like a week ago I missed a call from her and I called her back, she was like "wow, this is the first time you've called me!", invited me for a dinner on weekend, but I said I am too busy to make it happen, then she suggested a meeting on Friday; I said it's fine, but no longer than an hour, because I am busy.

To put it simply, I do like her,but... all this mind masturbation and drama involved drags me down at this point in life. Although nobody even noticed or implied that they did, but I have been suffering from depression for like 6 months. Also, I need a lot of time to make my business a reality and also going to gym 7 times per week. She will find many F*ck-budies who claim how special she's for them, guys who will don't give a F whether she respects them or not, guys who don't care that she's seeing her ex...I am not gonna be that guy.

3 years ago, on February 14th, 2013, my first ever girlfriend left me. We had been living together for 3 years. She was my first kiss, sex, holidays together etc. She was my everything and when she left me I was left with nothing, I was left with an empty heart. I was literally crying my eyes out for 2 years and living in my dreams where I was seeing her....I am fine now. After such struggle, this STUPID experience with this so called physically matured, but mentally incompetent girl is just a spit in the sea. If she's looking for the player, she's found the wrong one.

Thanks a bunch for your wisdom guys.

 

[ModernAlpha]

She was my everything and when she left me I was left with nothing

That frame of thinking is most men's biggest issue with dating/women. Making any woman your "everything" is extremely risky. Actually, making anything into your everything is risky. I suggest to my clients that its best to think of your life as sheet of paper divided into many boxes.. each box represents a portion of your time, things like: work, family time, gym, reading, girlfriend, friends, etc. Your goal is BALANCE among these areas. And to make each box something that enhances your life, and work to remove boxes that aren't ideal for you. Also it helps you realize that one woman or one job or one of any area isn't your "everything", each box is just a small part of your overall life, and if it temporarily goes to shit, its ok cause you have all the other boxes filled with things you enjoy.

 

[ModernAlpha]

A great book is Way of the Superior Man, it's about how a man should place his Mission as a priority and dating and everything else comes secondary. I agree with that, and I created this visualization which helps me alot:

I'm a powerful train on a track. I'm headed exactly where I want to go to reach my destination, the tracks are laid down already and in place. Passengers can hop on and hop off of my train anytime. If a woman is amazing and comes into my life, that's great, she can stay as long as things are awesome, we have fun together, I can love her, etc. but she is on my tracks. I'm still on my track no matter what. The train doesn't go a different direction/path no matter how badly the passengers want it to, its on a set track. Friends headed to the same direction as you will hop on and stay too, etc. They can also hop off whenever they want and that's fine. I'm on my track and headed where I'm going no matter what.

 

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[carlolacson]

Right on spot. If we focus too much on a woman or any person they will stay away. Damn I learned this the hard way she was my everything it F*cked me up and completely waste of time. Right now, there's only me and my goal no more distractions! F*ck everything else.

 

[Captain Jack]

Don't even think of something called "relationship" if you haven't been in bed together yet ... and even then there's a long road to go and many experiences (roadblocks) to make/avoid to say "we are in a relationship". If you ever say it, is up to you. I don't. I date women, if she's there: fine ... if not: fine, too. Continued dates with sex and love can be called "relationship" BUT why bother about if this is called "relationship" then or not?!

Based on my experiences and observations, this is the wrong way to go about it if you are looking for something serious. I would recommend not having sex early on. This way, you'll get to know the woman without those kinds of emotions clouding your judgment.

Also, I've found that higher quality women want some kind of commitment before jumping into bed. She will most likely want the guy to wine and dine her and show her respect.

If you're looking for a good time, then this is a good attitude. If not, then I'd recommend a different approach.

No, I am not with her. She's chasing me now, because I am too busy working on my goals. It really pissed me off when I found out that her ex regularly visits her. However, she started covering her a$$ by saying that she doesn't like/love/respect him (blah, blah, blah...). It seems that she wants to keep as many options open as possible, but doesn't realize the side effects of such strategy.

For instance, last time we had a conversation was on Sunday and I didn't text her until yesterday. Yesterday she texted me "you are so quiet, I hate this silence, how are you doing?". She regularly sends such messages to me, because I am working on my own stuff now. Like a week ago I missed a call from her and I called her back, she was like "wow, this is the first time you've called me!", invited me for a dinner on weekend, but I said I am too busy to make it happen, then she suggested a meeting on Friday; I said it's fine, but no longer than an hour, because I am busy.

Based on what you write about this girl, it does not sound like she is particularly high quality. It sounds like she's very indecisive and has multiple men in her life. I'm willing to bet that she's in her late teens/early 20s as well and does is not established career-wise or financially. Am I right?

To put it simply, I do like her,but... all this mind masturbation and drama involved drags me down at this point in life. Although nobody even noticed or implied that they did, but I have been suffering from depression for like 6 months. Also, I need a lot of time to make my business a reality and also going to gym 7 times per week. She will find many F*ck-budies who claim how special she's for them, guys who will don't give a F whether she respects them or not, guys who don't care that she's seeing her ex...I am not gonna be that guy.

It sounds like you're a pretty serious guy and want something serious. I'd avoid women that have had a multitude of F*ck buddies if possible.

3 years ago, on February 14th, 2013, my first ever girlfriend left me. We had been living together for 3 years. She was my first kiss, sex, holidays together etc. She was my everything and when she left me I was left with nothing, I was left with an empty heart. I was literally crying my eyes out for 2 years and living in my dreams where I was seeing her....I am fine now. After such struggle, this STUPID experience with this so called physically matured, but mentally incompetent girl is just a spit in the sea. If she's looking for the player, she's found the wrong one.

Thanks a bunch for your wisdom guys.

I'm willing to bet that you're young too (early to mid-20s). I'd recommend not getting too hung up on a girl until you're at least in your late 20s. Keep dating, but don't get hung up.

I'm 29 and have had no problems attracting women in the past. However, I had no idea what I was doing in the past and did not understand women. I'm currently established in my career and financially stable. Combine this with a great understanding of women and you will have your choice of just about any woman you want. In the past few years, I've dated women anywhere from 18 (do not recommend) to 40.

It's truly a great time in life.

 

[Almantas]

Thanks for your reply and insightful points.

"Based on what you write about this girl, it does not sound like she is particularly high quality. It sounds like she's very indecisive and has multiple men in her life. I'm willing to bet that she's in her late teens/early 20s as well and does is not established career-wise or financially. Am I right?"

Everybody defines quality differently, but she's indecisive. That's a fact. One day she is chasing me, another day she's running from me. She's 28, I assume she should be more mature than that. I do have girl FRIENDS who do care about me, but they never show jealousy when I meet other women and never show fear when I temporary cut contacts. This girl is different. And, yes, she's seeing multiple men, that's a fact and she can not foul me with this move.

"It sounds like you're a pretty serious guy and want something serious. I'd avoid women that have had a multitude of F*ck buddies if possible."

Yes, I am looking for a woman who is mature enough and is willing to share a road of entrepreneurship with me. The woman who is willing to share the road of self-development and accompanying results.

"I'm willing to bet that you're young too (early to mid-20s). I'd recommend not getting too hung up on a girl until you're at least in your late 20s. Keep dating, but don't get hung up."

Although I am bald and look older, I am 24 years old. One side of me realizes that I should concentrate only on business, the other side, however is dreaming of having a proper partner beside me - this is probably a biological mating instinct or something like that lol.

 

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[Mattie]

Dude.... Protect yourself. Her words are irrelevant. It is her real actions that should be read. No physical attention during this period? No dates? No relationship.

I suppose this I've learned by experience. lol And don't ever take advice people can't change. I'm proof of that. You never know when there is a diamond in the rough. You can't tell to you walk the journey and learn to grow and evolve with the opposite sex. Just saying. If you changed enough to be an entrepreneur how many people tell you, you can't do it. So it makes no sense to say a man or woman can't turn out to be a diamond when you think they maybe nothing. I think every entrepreneur is proof of that, if you put your mind too it, you can have it all.

 

[Captain Jack]

Everybody defines quality differently, but she's indecisive. That's a fact. One day she is chasing me, another day she's running from me. She's 28 , I assume she should be more mature than that. I do have girl FRIENDS who do care about me, but they never show jealousy when I meet other women and never show fear when I temporary cut contacts. This girl is different. And, yes, she's seeing multiple men, that's a fact and she can not foul me with this move.

Yikes. I would avoid. She's too old to be behaving this way. Focus on your biz and establishing yourself. By doing this, you will improve your own quality and will attract higher quality.

Yes, I am looking for a woman who is mature enough and is willing to share a road of entrepreneurship with me. The woman who is willing to share the road of self-development and accompanying results.

This does not sound like the girl for you.

Although I am bald and look older, I am 24 years old. One side of me realizes that I should concentrate only on business, the other side, however is dreaming of having a proper partner beside me - this is probably a biological mating instinct or something like that lol.

Nothing wrong with being bald. Nobody is perfect. I'm short and it hasn't stopped me from dating a multitude of women.

I agree that there is something magical about having a partner beside you while you're pulling yourself up. But you must also realize that there is a lot of value in doing things completely on your own. I got through some very hard times in my life alone and I'm better for it.

As I said, focus on your biz and stay away from women with red flags. The right woman will present herself when the time is right.

I suppose this I've learned by experience. lol And don't ever take advice people can't change. I'm proof of that. You never know when there is a diamond in the rough. You can't tell to you walk the journey and learn to grow and evolve with the opposite sex. Just saying. If you changed enough to be an entrepreneur how many people tell you, you can't do it. So it makes no sense to say a man or woman can't turn out to be a diamond when you think they maybe nothing. I think every entrepreneur is proof of that, if you put your mind too it, you can have it all.

I would caution against trying to change someone or expecting a person to change. They often don't. And you will have a lot of headaches.

In my experience, it's best to take someone as they are. Determine what you want in a partner and stick with it. If a person does not meet your minimum standards in the present time, wish them well and move on to the next.

 

[Ubermensch]

I completely agree with you. IMO chasing women and trying to win their heart is pure waste of time, even if you do win her heart there's no guarantee she will always be with you, there are simply too many variables that may affect her attitude down the road and break your heart. Call me pussy, not man enough or other 'cool' beta names,but I don't have time for this drama anymore.

Refusing to put up with drama is Alpha.

I made a firm decision of working on myself physically and mentally and concentrating 100% on hustling, rather than thinking about her or any other woman.

As per going for a kiss. I already mentioned, she firmly declared "I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I hope we are just friends"....and then she goes... "We look so nice together, we really fulfill each other in many ways" or "you are my soul mate" and she often gets jealous when other women tag me when we go visit places....so I am really pissed off with this. She knows I DO LIKE HER, because I told her. She told me she doesn't see me as a partner, but chases my tail.... She's 28 and should be more mature IMO.

Maybe I am wrong, maybe she's right, maybe my perception of what is right and wrong is flawed...but I am trying to concentrate on what attracts a cat, instead of chasing a cat. IMO having what cat loves opens a lot more doors than simply chasing a cat around the tree.

Cheers again - for your input, guys!

No more wasted sentences.

Get to the money.

 

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[Ninjakid]

Your story is actually a very interesting demonstration of how relationships can be, or not be manifested.

From the way it sounds to me, she genuinely does have very strong feelings about you. Perhaps she even loves you. If you will, assume her perspective for a moment. She has been with the same guy for 6 years and she's 28 now. She was probably planning on marrying that guy, and she likely invested a lot into the relationship. Now that it's over, a good part of people her age are engaged or married, or only looking for serious long term relationships. And for her, she's just out of a long term relationship, and now the world is her palette, and she's completely free to try dating new people which she couldn't before. But on the other hand she still has contact with her ex who she has that connection with over all those years, perhaps she feels like the relationship is salvageable, and she could be with the person she loved for all those years again instead of trying to rebuild a totally new relationship. Then she finds you, who seems to her to embody all the qualities she finds so interesting now after her long-term relationship, but she doesn't trust her feelings well enough to know if thats infatuation that will fade away once she has you, or if you and her will actually make a good couple.

Given what you've said about her and the fact that I only know about her what you've told me, I don't think she's a sociopathic or manipulative person. She just sounds genuinely confused with her feelings. She wants to keep you because she sincerely likes you, but at the same time she doesn't want to burn any other bridges. Once she does anything physical with you it's not like she can just go back to her ex and act like nothing happened.

My point is that her games aren't a strategy on her part, and she doesn't plan out some diabolical method to keep you on a leash. When you seem distant from her she gets worried because she thinks, "oh shit, this guy is starting to lose interest. What if I lose him forever! I love him and I need him!"

Her whole internal conflict is a battle of "I want that freedom to try new things" and "I found someone who I have a deep connection with and I want to keep him."

That said, I think you made the best decision for you for the sake of your own sanity. You're going to look back on this and think you did all you could, and you finally had enough. She's likely going to look back on this and think had she had her own emotions under control, she could've enjoyed her time with you some more.

But humans are not rational. And less so when it comes to emotions in relationships. Then it's more like all the worlds hurricanes sucked into a single tornado which creates a rip in the space-time continuum.

In the end, this was a valuable lesson which you'll come back from wiser than before.

 

[Mattie]

I would caution against trying to change someone or expecting a person to change. They often don't. And you will have a lot of headaches.

In my experience, it's best to take someone as they are. Determine what you want in a partner and stick with it. If a person does not meet your minimum standards in the present time, wish them well and move on to the next.

I agree 100% you don't change people and choose to love unconditionally without expectations. And sure for some relationships you just move on move on to the next. I suppose it's the couple and whether they naturally grow together and change by their own choice. In the a sense just like Entrepreneurship if you don't have the discipline, mindset, give up and quit just because things get hard or the other person isn't where you want them to be at the moment, then of course you'll never make it. What is relationships in life? Two people choosing each other every time and growing and learning together and working as a team or two people who do their own thing, reject each other, and abandon the relationship. This is key in my opinion whether two people are serious and want it to work, or just move on because they think there is someone better out there.

In Entrepreneurship and relationships what you have in common is stripping away all your negative thoughts, fears, and being whole and complete in yourself. And the other person has to do the same. If both aren't growing and changing over time at their own pace, yes, then it is apparent people will fall away whether it's friendship, family, and partner. Unless you're smart and remember how long it took you to change and grow and the process, and know they are right behind you. People are stupid sometimes and break up right when they're close to victory, just because they get fear or think things won't change. I mean even look at entrepreneurs parents or friends. Some entrepreneurs were rejected, abandoned, and thrown to the curb.

Why? People don't have the patience. They think you don't amount to anything. They believe certain things they create in their minds. Assume, conclude, and even attack your character. And what is the whole point or process in the end of relationships and entrepreneurship. While the world may reject and abandon you, and tell you are crap, the only person that matters in the end is how much love and respect you have for yourself. The biggest lesson to learn is we abandon and reject ourselves. And when you stop rejecting and abandoning our self, you learn something very important. Accepting yourself is learning you're unique and an individual. If you're authentic and true to yourself, of course you can be authentic and true to a partner and yourself. If you show up and don't abandon yourself, you won't abandon your partner or the rest of the world in entrepreneurship.

We self-sabotage ourselves in Entrepreneurship and relationships. Similar process. How bad do you want it? What are you going to do to make it work. What do you have to do differently to get different results? How are you going to problem solve? How are you going to get through the obstacles when they come up? Same questions to ask in a relationship?

Who cares what your partner really looks like or how much money they have. lol This is what the world chooses? Fortunately that doesn't mean crap. Hot and rich doesn't mean they'll stick around. And the two definite answers of divorce and separation. What's the reasons of having a relationship in the first place? And being a trophy wife or trophy husband never works either. lol You either have love or you don't. And love isn't always logical. As in Vigilante's case, his wife could have said, "I give zero F*cks" after his business went down. Instead she loved him, and had a better vision of him and their future together.

Some people have it, and some don't make it. I suppose it's whether your in it 100% or just there for the moment having a good time.

 

[Almantas]

Some people have it, and some don't make it. I suppose it's whether your in it 100% or just there for the moment having a good time.

Thank you for your detailed reply friend! It makes total sense, especially the last sentence. However, it doesn't mean anything if you are 100% committed to a relationship,but a potential partner is undecided or continuously 'shopping around' for better options while hanging around with you. There will always be richer, more beautiful or more fun people in the world, if a potential partner is nothing but a indecisive branch hopper, I assume it's a recipe for a disaster. It's like having multiple business ideas and expecting high payoffs without a proper commitment.

All women want that caring, intelligent, fun and loyal partner beside them, but few have patience and determination to make it happen.
All people want yachts, exotic cars and financial independence, but few have balls to risk everything in order to achieve it.

 

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[Fox]

No, I am not with her. She's chasing me now, because I am too busy working on my goals. It really pissed me off when I found out that her ex regularly visits her. However, she started covering her a$$ by saying that she doesn't like/love/respect him (blah, blah, blah...). It seems that she wants to keep as many options open as possible, but doesn't realize the side effects of such strategy.

For instance, last time we had a conversation was on Sunday and I didn't text her until yesterday. Yesterday she texted me "you are so quiet, I hate this silence, how are you doing?". She regularly sends such messages to me, because I am working on my own stuff now. Like a week ago I missed a call from her and I called her back, she was like "wow, this is the first time you've called me!", invited me for a dinner on weekend, but I said I am too busy to make it happen, then she suggested a meeting on Friday; I said it's fine, but no longer than an hour, because I am busy.

Just read this thread this morning.

Here is my read of the situation. Her and her ex are still hooking up and she is using you as the emotional side of a relationship that she can't get from him. I have seen this many times before. One guy won't commit but the girl is still into him. She uses another guy up for all the parts of the relationship that the first guy won't provide - dates, romantic talk, emotional luggage.

When I worked in oil I had a girl I would casually hook up with when I was back in town. She had a guy who used to do all the stuff that I didn't have time for when I was gone. I would see FB photos of them at the cinema, eating ice cream, going for jogs. I presume he thought she would eventually 'see the light' and go with the guy (him) who is providing everything he thinks she needs but it doesn't work that way. Attraction isn't a choice. I eventually ended it and he was still sitting on the bench waiting for his chance. She had about 3 or 4 guys waiting on the bench after him too.

On a deeper biological level the reason for this is that a partner doesn't value what they can get too easily. By making yourself so invested without any real (sexual) commitment on her behalf you are basically saying that you have a low sexual value in the 'marketplace'. You can't logically convince her to be attracted to you and at this stage she probably won't ever be.

Some harsh truths in here but I think you need to hear them. You are wasting a lot of time and effort on this and bottom line - this girl will never truly be attracted to you, even if you get a relationship I don't think you could trust her fully. This isn't a reflection on you as a person, only on the dating approach you used.

Cut your losses, stop hanging out with her. She will try to stuck you back in cause she will miss the attention but just move on. Block number, FB, don't meet up. She might seem nice but she is using you.

In the future a good general dating approach is to have a lot of options going on at once. Just like applying for 10 jobs instead of just one you will be naturally less nervous, more fun and not over thinking small stuff. This is naturally attractive to girls. Someone already posted it but once a guy mentions 'this one girl' they need to move on. Hit me up on PM if you want some more advice.

 

[Almantas]

Just read this thread this morning.

Here is my read of the situation. Her and her ex are still hooking up and she is using you as the emotional side of a relationship that she can't get from him. I have seen this many times before. One guy won't commit but the girl is still into him. She uses another guy up for all the parts of the relationship that the first guy won't provide - dates, romantic talk, emotional luggage.

When I worked in oil I had a girl I would casually hook up with when I was back in town. She had a guy who used to do all the stuff that I didn't have time for when I was gone. I would see FB photos of them at the cinema, eating ice cream, going for jogs. I presume he thought she would eventually 'see the light' and go with the guy (him) who is providing everything he thinks she needs but it doesn't work that way. Attraction isn't a choice. I eventually ended it and he was still sitting on the bench waiting for his chance. She had about 3 or 4 guys waiting on the bench after him too.

On a deeper biological level the reason for this is that a partner doesn't value what they can get too easily. By making yourself so invested without any real (sexual) commitment on her behalf you are basically saying that you have a low sexual value in the 'marketplace'. You can't logically convince her to be attracted to you and at this stage she probably won't ever be.

Some harsh truths in here but I think you need to hear them. You are wasting a lot of time and effort on this and bottom line - this girl will never truly be attracted to you, even if you get a relationship I don't think you could trust her fully. This isn't a reflection on you as a person, only on the dating approach you used.

Cut your losses, stop hanging out with her. She will try to stuck you back in cause she will miss the attention but just move on. Block number, FB, don't meet up. She might seem nice but she is using you.

In the future a good general dating approach is to have a lot of options going on at once. Just like applying for 10 jobs instead of just one you will be naturally less nervous, more fun and not over thinking small stuff. This is naturally attractive to girls. Someone already posted it but once a guy mentions 'this one girl' they need to move on. Hit me up on PM if you want some more advice.

Thanks mate! Great advice! As per amount of girls I am seeing, I am not bound to this single girl and she knows that. I am from time to time seeing 3 girls now. When I do something fun with them they post photos on Facebook and tag me in and other girls typically get jealous. I am not trying to make them jealous, it just works this way. Also, all girls, including the one I addressed in this thread, are jealous and regularly mention that they don't like the fact that I am seeing multiple girls at once. It's just a game, time to move on from all this drama for good. My inner me tells me to look the other way and I'll do it now. No time for this bullshit anymore. Maybe the right woman will cross my life path, maybe not, what I know for a fact is that I will never ever put all eggs in a single basket again.

 

[InnovateDesign]

I have had a bad experience with a girl who didn't want to commit. I ended up kind of forcing her into a relationship with me because I was tired of being in the friend zone and hanging out with her all the time without any love. She even had sex with one of my good friends (so much for good friend). Turned out she was pretty crazy and really hard to tolerate anyways and I was just kind of obsessed with her and blind to the truth.

then I met my current girlfriend who came literally after this relationship and I couldn't be any happier. Almost 4 years and counting.

 

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[Fox]

What part of Ireland are you in?

 

[Almantas]

What part of Ireland are you in?

County Louth, 100km north of Dublin, why?

 

[Almantas]

I have had a bad experience with a girl who didn't want to commit. I ended up kind of forcing her into a relationship with me because I was tired of being in the friend zone and hanging out with her all the time without any love. She even had sex with one of my good friends (so much for good friend). Turned out she was pretty crazy and really hard to tolerate anyways and I was just kind of obsessed with her and blind to the truth.

then I met my current girlfriend who came literally after this relationship and I couldn't be any happier. Almost 4 years and counting.

Amazing story. As I say, life is like a puzzle: individual puzzle pieces mean little until they make a final picture.

 

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[Fox]

County Louth, 100km north of Dublin, why?

I'm Irish. If you were around the south west I would have had some guys for you to meet up with and I am also back home in a few week but I won't be near Dublin.

 

[Mattie]

All women want that caring, intelligent, fun and loyal partner beside them, but few have patience and determination to make it happen.
All people want yachts, exotic cars and financial independence, but few have balls to risk everything in order to achieve it.

I hear you. Money and materialism seem to be more valued than relationships in this world. Perhaps that is the valuable lesson, even if you were to be a billionaire, I think there's still a need for companionship. I think it's hard for people to learn balance mixed with habits and addictions. Also with as you say partners are usually looking opposite directions searching for something outside of themselves instead of looking for what is inside themselves. And of course we can be selfish and greedy to the point we give zero f's when it comes to getting what we want.

I suppose it depends on the couple and whether they want balance or to be alone. As I know some people prefer to be alone because they don't like the emotional attachments or it getting in the way of business and money. So whose to say what is right for one person maybe totally different for another. What makes one couple have it all and a balanced life and another lose everything in love and gain money and power. I think it's a double edged sword.

If you're lucky enough to find a partner who isn't looking outward and at you, I think you have to go through the process. Why are people looking outward instead of at each other. The root is inside all of us and stems to parents, past relationships, culture, religion, politics, and getting beyond what the world tells us to be as men and woman, and stripping away the layers of negative emotions, negative feelings, and negative beliefs about what we're supposed to be, should be, ought to be, and could be.

The problem is most people don't have the patience like you stated. They want a fast food relationship where you pull up to the drive through and order what you want and keep on driving. And today in 2016 with technology I don't think many relationships last very long, because it's not where our grand parents had time to courtship and get to know each other without interference. As in my grandfather's day, you didn't have anything but nature and we as entrepreneurs don't think about what kind of world we're creating. In the end we all suffer by what we create even if we have all the money in the world.

It's a scary world in 2016 knowing we're headed for a world which doesn't value human relationships and family these days. My son is in robotics and you can see where the world is headed with that. We're basically trying to replace human life and the existence of human relationships.

 

[Almantas]

I hear you. Money and materialism seem to be more valued than relationships in this world. Perhaps that is the valuable lesson, even if you were to be a billionaire, I think there's still a need for companionship. I think it's hard for people to learn balance mixed with habits and addictions. Also with as you say partners are usually looking opposite directions searching for something outside of themselves instead of looking for what is inside themselves. And of course we can be selfish and greedy to the point we give zero f's when it comes to getting what we want.

I suppose it depends on the couple and whether they want balance or to be alone. As I know some people prefer to be alone because they don't like the emotional attachments or it getting in the way of business and money. So whose to say what is right for one person maybe totally different for another. What makes one couple have it all and a balanced life and another lose everything in love and gain money and power. I think it's a double edged sword.

If you're lucky enough to find a partner who isn't looking outward and at you, I think you have to go through the process. Why are people looking outward instead of at each other. The root is inside all of us and stems to parents, past relationships, culture, religion, politics, and getting beyond what the world tells us to be as men and woman, and stripping away the layers of negative emotions, negative feelings, and negative beliefs about what we're supposed to be, should be, ought to be, and could be.

The problem is most people don't have the patience like you stated. They want a fast food relationship where you pull up to the drive through and order what you want and keep on driving. And today in 2016 with technology I don't think many relationships last very long, because it's not where our grand parents had time to courtship and get to know each other without interference. As in my grandfather's day, you didn't have anything but nature and we as entrepreneurs don't think about what kind of world we're creating. In the end we all suffer by what we create even if we have all the money in the world.

It's a scary world in 2016 knowing we're headed for a world which doesn't value human relationships and family these days. My son is in robotics and you can see where the world is headed with that. We're basically trying to replace human life and the existence of human relationships.

Thanks for sharing that! I totally agree that most people, in current century, are looking for instant gratification and put less value on long-term commitment. Add to this mix media influence and you have billions of people who are blind to healthy relationships.

As per current innovations, it's scary, but at the same time exciting, to see where our world is heading; some innovations (e.g. robotic women) scare me, other innovations (e.g. 3d body parts) excite me. There are billions of people on earth, so what puts food on ones table takes away from another's - what I mean by that is that some people benefit from innovations more than others -- probably the issue lies not in innovations themselves, but in our inability (or should I say unwillingness) to adapt to changing environmental circumstances.

Anyways, I still believe that there will always be some people who appreciate and protect old-school romance - it'll take time to find such gems though.

 

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[Captain Jack]

OP, I would recommend reading many articles on girlschase.com.

I was heavily into PUA and dating in my early to mid 20s. I no longer am, as I've found that a lot of that advice is not very good. The website that I've listed above is the only one that I read now from time to time. I find that it really fleshes out female psychology in many different situations. For me, it really made sense out of many situations from my past that I hadn't been able to figure out.

They do charge a subscription after reading a certain amount of articles. I've found a way around this. If you google a topic along with that site, you will be able to read it if you click the link directly from google.

DISCLAIMER: I am not affiliated with that site (which may be obvious since I'm giving information on how to avoid paying for it lol).

 

[Ubermensch]

@Almantas I met you through a group that @Cyriex posted.

I am going to give you some advice that I wish someone gave me a long time ago.

Watch the above video, and listen very closely to the lyrics, especially at the end.

I would strongly suggest this mindset, even though it may be too extreme for the sensitive-minded, your personal experience in this situation, and the frustration you felt, demand that you apply a REALISTIC mindset.

Quit conversatin'.

Quit serenading.

Get to the money.

Things will go much differently for you once you have a fat bank account, once you have too much cash to fit in your pockets (even if you're using hundreds).

This thread is a total distraction, so much so that I had to type money over everything five times.

Money over everything, money over everything, money over everything, money over everything, money over everything.

Money over everything. Get it?

You think this girl would've played you like this if you were rich?

LOL! She would be lucky to even have a SHOT with you if you were rich.

Right now, you have nothing to offer her aside from your own horny neediness.

So you caught the one-itis - a psychological affliction which often afflicts guys when they don't have options.

You can catch the one-itis in sales, if you don't have enough prospects.

The same logic applies with pickup.

 

[Almantas]

@Almantas I met you through a group that @Cyriex posted.

I am going to give you some advice that I wish someone gave me a long time ago.

Watch the above video, and listen very closely to the lyrics, especially at the end.

I would strongly suggest this mindset, even though it may be too extreme for the sensitive-minded, your personal experience in this situation, and the frustration you felt, demand that you apply a REALISTIC mindset.

Quit conversatin'.

Quit serenading.

Get to the money.

Things will go much differently for you once you have a fat bank account, once you have too much cash to fit in your pockets (even if you're using hundreds).

This thread is a total distraction, so much so that I had to type money over everything five times.

Money over everything, money over everything, money over everything, money over everything, money over everything.

Money over everything. Get it?

You think this girl would've played you like this if you were rich?

LOL! She would be lucky to even have a SHOT with you if you were rich.

Right now, you have nothing to offer her aside from your own horny neediness.

So you caught the one-itis - a psychological affliction which often afflicts guys when they don't have options.

You can catch the one-itis in sales, if you don't have enough prospects.

The same logic applies with pickup.

Thanks for your reply! Amazing video and insightful advice. My inner me demands me to focus on my track (business) and ignore distractions. I will do exactly that.

 

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[Kingmaker]

This thread is a total distraction, so much so that I had to type money over everything five times.

Money over everything, money over everything, money over everything, money over everything, money over everything.

LMAO.

 

[Raoul Duke]

LMAO.