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Did I Choose a Bad Mentor?

Topics relating to managing people and relationships

SweetTooth

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I really thought that I wanted a mentor on my journey to help guide me and learn a few things from. But I recently got in contact with someone I felt was really on top of his stuff, and who still is. I offered him my experience in sales and marketing to help him make money in return for mentorship on entrepreneurship and business.

Come the first meetup between us and my gut tells me that it doesn't feel right. I respect the guy however I have learned after the meetup, and our first project together, that he isn't the right mentor for my journey. He is big in affiliate marketing and ecommerce, however he is very scatterbrained in his goals (multiple sources of income(focuses) and not rich in any of them from what I could tell. After our first project, which lasted about 3 days, he changed his focus and told me we're going to work on another project right after we made our first sale. In the long term he offered me employment, which he knows I will never ever go into. I will go bankrupt and die before I become an employee again. However he also offered to be an investor in my business in the future.

My gut says to drop the guy immediately, I just don't know why. But my brain says to stay with him and learn from him. Has anyone had this problem before?
 
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Lex DeVille

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I really thought that I wanted a mentor on my journey to help guide me and learn a few things from. But I recently got in contact with someone I felt was really on top of his stuff, and who still is. I offered him my experience in sales and marketing to help him make money in return for mentorship on entrepreneurship and business.

Come the first meetup between us and my gut tells me that it doesn't feel right. I respect the guy however I have learned after the meetup, and our first project together, that he isn't the right mentor for my journey. He is big in affiliate marketing and ecommerce, however he is very scatterbrained in his goals (multiple sources of income(focuses) and not rich in any of them from what I could tell. After our first project, which lasted about 3 days, he changed his focus and told me we're going to work on another project right after we made our first sale. In the long term he offered me employment, which he knows I will never ever go into. I will go bankrupt and die before I become an employee again. However he also offered to be an investor in my business in the future.

My gut says to drop the guy immediately, I just don't know why. But my brain says to stay with him and learn from him. Has anyone had this problem before?

If he's not doing anything illegal is it useful for you to dump him?

Just because he's scattered now, doesn't mean he's stupid.

What if he needs you just as much as you need him?

When in doubt, use what's useful and leave the rest at the door.
 

AllenCrawley

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I don't know about you but my gut instincts are usually correct. Every time I've ignored them I've regretted it.
 

CMA

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Hi Longo,

This reminds me of my brother and a mentor he had. He was a real estate agent and without a doubt the most scatter brain, unorganized and probably the craziest person you can ever meet, but he also knew a hell of a lot about real estate and cared about people. My brother is a successful agent today because of what he learned from his mentor.

So my challenge to you is this; everyone has positive and negative sides to them. If his positives outweigh the negatives then stick it out and learn. I feel like you learn more from people like this then from people that have it "all together" anyways.

Rest in peace, my friend, Manny Bags.
 

Mattie

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I agree... if you feel he's not worth your time, follow your gut. There's no sense trying to do something, you don't feel right about.
 
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SteveO

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Can you define "bad"? Perhaps this person does not have an interest in being a mentor. It could be that he wants to work with you because he will get something out of it.

Placing a label helps to define your perception. Is that what you want?

I don't like the term "mentor". I have never had one... er... perhaps I have had hundreds..

Anyway. Here are my thoughts on "Mentors". Link
 
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SweetTooth

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Does it feel like he is manipulating you with words?

Sometimes a mentor will take you up on the offer if they feel like they can make money off of you. (In a shitty way)

Does he seem to care about your well-being?
I don't feel like he's manipulating me or doing anything illegal. Everything he's put out in front of me has been 100% moral and legal. My gut just tells me that he isn't the mentor for me. I can't put my finger on it.
 

mws87

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Come the first meetup between us and my gut tells me that it doesn't feel right. I respect the guy however I have learned after the meetup, and our first project together, that he isn't the right mentor for my journey.He is big in affiliate marketing and ecommerce, however he is very scatterbrained in his goals (multiple sources of income(focuses) and not rich in any of them from what I could tell. After our first project, which lasted about 3 days, he changed his focus and told me we're going to work on another project right after we made our first sale. In the long term he offered me employment, which he knows I will never ever go into. I will go bankrupt and die before I become an employee again. However he also offered to be an investor in my business in the future.

My gut says to drop the guy immediately, I just don't know why. But my brain says to stay with him and learn from him. Has anyone had this problem before?
Being a scatter brain myself, I'll try to offer a neutral point of view and hope it helps you view things in the same perspective (neutral).

So, you're having one of the ol' gut-feelings, eh? Like others have said, they're usually correct. However, you have to try and pinpoint what it is that's provoking your hesitation. Could it be, possibly, that his strange and unusual methods are putting you off? That could possibly trigger the "something ain't right" feeling, especially if you're over-analyzing his behavior.

You mentioned he knows that you're not looking to be an employee. What's his opinion/stance on this?

If the guy has a proven track record, perhaps there are valuable methods behind his madness. Not to mention, if he does indeed have a proven track record, he is offering to mentor you which is good. He could easily say "Nah--I'm not into that". However, as previously mentioned, there people out there who will take advantage of you as well.

If it were me, I would wait it out just a little bit and see where it goes. Study his methods, see what makes him tick. Some people just have bizarre personalities that really make us want to distance ourselves from them too soon. Remember: there's a process to everything. I wouldn't dump and run right away without first weighing things out.

What are the benefits to you? What are the benefits to him? What is the worst that can happen? Is he more focused on himself than you? Is his presence at any benefit to you whatsoever? (still kinda early to tell).

Build some rapport with the guy--but don't get manipulated--that way, in the worst-case scenario, you can at least respectfully part-ways and still retain him as some sort of contact (if you desire to do so).

A lesson I learned a while back (ignore if you don't have patience):

I had/have a mentor, however, not in a business/entrepreneur sense. He's more of a father figure to me--my uncle.

I hadn't spent a ton of time with him as a kid, but I always looked up to the guy (and still do). I had hit a rough-patch (or what I thought was rough) in my early twenties and he offered me short-term employment through his construction company. I was basically his right-hand man. Awesome--family connection, everything will be cool, right? Wrong. The dude was harder on me than anyone else. He often held opinions I didn't agree with, and was a down-right dick most of the time. We ended up getting into it real bad one day to the point I really wanted to just walk out on him and tell him to piss up a rope. Yet, I told myself to put petty shit aside and hang in there. After that job we had parted ways as co-workers, but remained very close relatives.

It wasn't until a few months later I began noticing a change in my behavior, thought process, execution, etc. I read between the lines, swam through the grey area of our work experience together and discovered that I had learned some really important things from him. It was only when I was able to get past the one-dimensional view of him and our experience that I learned I had actually subconsciously absorbed the lessons he had been giving me. He taught me to not waste time on trivial matters and focus on what's important. He taught me about work ethic and prioritizing. He also taught me about the importance of reciprocity not only with money, but with relationships and time investment.

TL;DR
Anyway, the point I am trying to make here is, although you have those feelings of hesitation, there may be something to take away from your experience with the guy, even if it's initially in an indirect manner.

I thought my uncle was being a dick, was a jerk, etc. Yet he taught me, indirectly, several important things. I recently called him and thanked him. I told him I wasn't sure if those were his intentions, but the end result was a great learning experience.
it was his intention the entire time. He wasn't sure if I would catch on or if I would reject direct teachings, so he placed the lessons on the table. It was simply a matter of when I would read into them and how I would interpret them.

Don't ditch him too soon, but don't hang around too long.

I hope it works out for you, regardless of which path you take.
 
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Guest34764

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I don't feel like he's manipulating me or doing anything illegal. Everything he's put out in front of me has been 100% moral and legal. My gut just tells me that he isn't the mentor for me. I can't put my finger on it.

Then just drop him on good terms and say it in a respectable manner.

Stick to your gut, and they'll be more opportunities out there.
 

SweetTooth

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To clarify - this "mentors" idea of mentoring is him telling me "watch this webinar" and "lets talk about your next task". The more I think about it, I think my gut feeling is that I can do this without this mentor. Even though he can provide me with some much needed cash to put money in my wallet, it seems like he will slow me down in the long run. This is a very new and interesting situation for me.
 

hughjasle

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this "mentors" idea of mentoring is him telling me "watch this webinar" and "lets talk about your next task"
He is big in affiliate marketing and ecommerce

What are you trying to learn from him? Affiliate marketing and ecommerce?

If so, I had a terrible 'mentor' turned employer situation while I learned Affiliate Marketing myself but my 'mentor' ended up not knowing anything about actually doing affiliate marketing.

Anyhow, finding yourself a mentor in either of those fields will be tricky IMO because really, there is nothing that special in either.

Think about it from the mentor's point of view as well:

Once they teach you the "special trick" they use in either ecommerce (how they rank well on Amazon, what niches they are in, etc) or in affiliate marketing (how to cloak and what kinds of funnels to run), there is NOTHING stopping you from just walking away with all the upside and potentialy screwing the mentor.

Maybe in his mind, making you an employee is his way of mitigating that risk. Talk with him, be forthright, honest, and show that you are willing to work towards something that even benefits him more than you since he will be a large part of getting you to where you want to be. If you aren't willing to do that, just part on good terms now as others have said.
 
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luniac

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Why don't you just tell him your reservations?

I also trust gut feelings, so
+1 for gut feeling.

LETS MAKE A POLL!!!!
BRAINS OR GUTS?
 

marklov

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Best I can say is insulate yourself well and see what you can learn.

Especially knowledge on traffic.
 

Ubermensch

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I really thought that I wanted a mentor on my journey to help guide me and learn a few things from.

I really thought that I wanted a mentor on my journey to help guide me and learn a few things from. But I recently got in contact with someone I felt was really on top of his stuff, and who still is. I offered him my experience in sales and marketing to help him make money in return for mentorship on entrepreneurship and business.

Come the first meetup between us and my gut tells me that it doesn't feel right. I respect the guy however I have learned after the meetup, and our first project together, that he isn't the right mentor for my journey. He is big in affiliate marketing and ecommerce, however he is very scatterbrained in his goals (multiple sources of income(focuses) and not rich in any of them from what I could tell. After our first project, which lasted about 3 days, he changed his focus and told me we're going to work on another project right after we made our first sale. In the long term he offered me employment, which he knows I will never ever go into. I will go bankrupt and die before I become an employee again. However he also offered to be an investor in my business in the future.

My gut says to drop the guy immediately, I just don't know why. But my brain says to stay with him and learn from him. Has anyone had this problem before?

All of you young millennials and newbies thirsty for a "mentor" should focus on the "need" concept in MJ's book, and the Laws of Power concerning Masters and Self-Interest.

MJ's book tells neophyte entrepreneurs to focus on the "needs" of the marketplace. Working with a mentor is no different.

So often, I see young people seeking a mentor, and they do so from an entirely selfish perspective.

They act as if they are god's gift to the mentor, as if he has nothing better to do but hold their hand and tuck them in at night.

If you find a good potential mentor, he is likely a very busy guy, and may have much of his time already accounted for.

Why should a mentor be interested in helping YOU?

It's obvious why YOU need the mentor to help YOU.

YOU don't know anything.

YOU have never made money.

YOU have no real-world experience.

Everything YOU know about business comes from reading books, not applying.

What can YOU offer the mentor to make it WORTH HIS TIME to mentor you?

The mentor can only teach you what he knows.

If he truly plans to mentor you, he will end up showing you part of what made him successful. This means you will begin to have access to his private network, the inner workings of the components that made him successful. This is a F*cking privilege, not a right.

If you're approaching the mentor for mentorship, chances are you are not the only one. What makes you so special? Why should he spend one second on the phone with you?

People who act like the mentor doesn't have any self-interest are the worst type of so-called mentees. They act entitled, like they deserve everything handed to them on a silver platter. When it's time to actually do the non-sexy, boring work that creates success, these types of people have to struggle to even get out of bed.

A lot of you very young members crack me up. You think you know so much, 'cause you've read so much, and you haven't made a freakin' dollar. You haven't made a single penny, yet you love to pontificate about "the millionaire's mindset" and talk about the "real actions that millionaires take."

I honestly feel sorry for you entitled millennials. You're so entitled. You have everything so easy. Sitting here talking about you ungrateful kids makes me feel like an old man, even though I am a millennial just like you.

The only difference is that I've actually had real mentors in my life. I respected them when they gave me advice, even when I didn't agree with it. I recognized the value of the empires they built, because I've had two mentors with net worths over $100,000,000.

In my experience, most very young people seeking a mentor are just brats looking for an easy way to success. They want a mentor for completely selfish reasons, and have never even considered the fact that mentors are people too, with interests, desires, passions and goals.

Being an entrepreneur is hard work. Being an entrepreneur has led me through some of the most deprived, emotionally painful periods of my life. Being an entrepreneur is - without a doubt - the most rewarding thing I have ever done in life.

If you find a mentor, it should click pretty immediately. The mentor will help you, even if he is successful, mostly for non-monetary reasons.

The fact is that most people who try to become successful will fail over and over before they become successful. The sad truth is that most will never overcome the first failures and will never become successful.

The upside for the mentee is very high, and the downside is very low. If a mentee fails, then all he has lost is is unvaluable time. His time mathematically, empirically, logically and literally has no value. The fact that the mentee has not made any money is proof of the fact that he has offered no value.

The upside for the mentor is relatively low, and the downside is very high. if the mentee fails, then the mentor has technically lost valuable time. His time, which could've been spent mentoring countless other potential mentees, was wasted. If the mentee succeeds, then of course the mentee gets success, but the mentor only gets some warm and fuzzy feelings.
 
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SweetTooth

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All of you young millennials and newbies thirsty for a "mentor" should focus on the "need" concept in MJ's book, and the Laws of Power concerning Masters and Self-Interest.

MJ's book tells neophyte entrepreneurs to focus on the "needs" of the marketplace. Working with a mentor is no different.

So often, I see young people seeking a mentor, and they do so from an entirely selfish perspective.

They act as if they are god's gift to the mentor, as if he has nothing better to do but hold their hand and tuck them in at night.

If you find a good potential mentor, he is likely a very busy guy, and may have much of his time already accounted for.

Why should a mentor be interested in helping YOU?

It's obvious why YOU need the mentor to help YOU.

YOU don't know anything.

YOU have never made money.

YOU have no real-world experience.

Everything YOU know about business comes from reading books, not applying.

What can YOU offer the mentor to make it WORTH HIS TIME to mentor you?

The mentor can only teach you what he knows.

If he truly plans to mentor you, he will end up showing you part of what made him successful. This means you will begin to have access to his private network, the inner workings of the components that made him successful. This is a F*cking privilege, not a right.

If you're approaching the mentor for mentorship, chances are you are not the only one. What makes you so special? Why should he spend one second on the phone with you?

People who act like the mentor doesn't have any self-interest are the worst type of so-called mentees. They act entitled, like they deserve everything handed to them on a silver platter. When it's time to actually do the non-sexy, boring work that creates success, these types of people have to struggle to even get out of bed.

A lot of you very young members crack me up. You think you know so much, 'cause you've read so much, and you haven't made a freakin' dollar. You haven't made a single penny, yet you love to pontificate about "the millionaire's mindset" and talk about the "real actions that millionaires take."

I honestly feel sorry for you entitled millennials. You're so entitled. You have everything so easy. Sitting here talking about you ungrateful kids makes me feel like an old man, even though I am a millennial just like you.

The only difference is that I've actually had real mentors in my life. I respected them when they gave me advice, even when I didn't agree with it. I recognized the value of the empires they built, because I've had two mentors with net worths over $100,000,000.

In my experience, most very young people seeking a mentor are just brats looking for an easy way to success. They want a mentor for completely selfish reasons, and have never even considered the fact that mentors are people too, with interests, desires, passions and goals.

Being an entrepreneur is hard work. Being an entrepreneur has led me through some of the most deprived, emotionally painful periods of my life. Being an entrepreneur is - without a doubt - the most rewarding thing I have ever done in life.

If you find a mentor, it should click pretty immediately. The mentor will help you, even if he is successful, mostly for non-monetary reasons.

The fact is that most people who try to become successful will fail over and over before they become successful. The sad truth is that most will never overcome the first failures and will never become successful.

The upside for the mentee is very high, and the downside is very low. If a mentee fails, then all he has lost is is unvaluable time. His time mathematically, empirically, logically and literally has no value. The fact that the mentee has not made any money is proof of the fact that he has offered no value.

The upside for the mentor is relatively low, and the downside is very high. if the mentee fails, then the mentor has technically lost valuable time. His time, which could've been spent mentoring countless other potential mentees, was wasted. If the mentee succeeds, then of course the mentee gets success, but the mentor only gets some warm and fuzzy feelings.

Don't sugarcoat it, tell us how you really feel;)
 

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