What would you tell your 18 or 25 year old self?

[HoneyBadger302]

Is there ANYTHING you can learn from your parents or older people around you? How old are you now? Are you successful now? Doing what?
Your post made me sad. Wonderful people helped me when I was young. I was one of those kids who couldn't ever go home, so I had to make it out there in that big bad world. My mentor got me into RE and that was 47 years ago. I'm so thankful that she took me under her wing and helped me when I was so young, lost, and alone.

Of course there are things I did learn and can learn - I'm in my mid 40's, and more successful than my mother by a fair bit, will be more successful than my father even if I just keep on my current line and don't keep on improving (which isn't an option for me). When it comes to money, making it, how to make it, how to manage it, how to manage your financial life, how to think about money - anything financially related, other than how to balance a checkbook, my parents had it all wrong, and while their ideas maybe applied for their parents, it has left our mother in poverty and our father working into his mid-70's to pay for (he and his current wife's) expenses. Unfortunately, with no other influences in our life (homeschooled in a rural area only exposed to like-minded families) I swallowed it hook, line, and sinker.

One of my goals is to be able to fully support my mother in nice place when she can no longer live on her own - that clock is, unfortunately, ticking quickly, but that's all the more motivation for me to get it right and make it happen in time to be able to do so.

Didn't say I didn't love my parents - love didn't make their advice remotely correct though, and I wasted a good 20ish working years mostly headed in the wrong direction and no idea that was the case until a layoff during the pandemic opened my eyes to reality - reality of the world, my own choices, how I put myself in that position to begin with, and how I had believed all the wrong things when it came to working towards what success meant for me.

 

[Kevin88660]

Calculation> Perspiration> Inspiration

 

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[Imnottellingyoun]

hey guys, young 22 year old here. I get that I'm in some entrepreneur website .There seems to be a lot of opinions on starting a business as early as possible. And while I get it, I just don't see how it's particularly feasible. Particularly in the UK with house prices as bonkers as they are, the first thing I'd want to work towards is my house. The housing costs are insane here... Now unluckily, my parents have past away so now I have quite the inheritance. I'm focused on paying down the house before I start any type of business venture via a Ltd company structure.

I almost in a sense cringe when I see young people focused on revenues. While I respect the drive, there's a reason why the average entrepreneur is not a 20 year old... but a 40+ year old. It takes time to develop the skills and attitudes and ideas. Now I already have some ideas, and sure I could start. But I'm risk adverse in the sense if I can secure an asset over a few years, then I'd rather do that. Then I can go as wild as I can get, and still not feel bad about it. You wouldn't tell someone, go walk on that cable wire between the 9/11 towers and believe in himself because all that matters is mindset... (bad taste considering US forums lol), e.g

Philippe Petit​

Anyways, I do feel like I'm almost in the position to propell myself to the highest limits possible, it'll still take a few years before we get to this point.

Are people just taking unsecured loans and literally just taking the riskiest venture possible or what? I'm pretty sure the culture here in the UK disinentivises that, as in it's harder to get funding for risky projects. US is all about money and that's it lol. It sounds like people working in real estate are working as sales agents? Or is it because the property is so cheap they're doing something with flipping.

 

[Imnottellingyoun]

I remember noticing when such a "thing" occured. And its deceptively simple.. its just 72/%=X2(stated as numbers of years)

I can only imagine what my past me would have done, with such powerful knowledge. - so what does this thing do? Just in case your none the wiser - I will explain. Devide the number 72 with whatever you get in return on your investments - and you will get the number of years it will take you to double your money.

eks. 10% would output 7.2 years until doubling.

My problem with the stock market is how it's all funded by lots of millenials and young gen z thinking they will make it in the big leagues by investing in the top 100 or 500 us companies. if everyone's doing it, then its going to become overvalued very easily and once that crash happens, you're wiped out. The stock market is not as easy as, just whip your cash in and forget about it. Maybe it would be if it was 100 years ago, then yeah. whip it in the top 100 companies, or just leave it in the bank since it paid something like 10% return back then, now it was something like 0.001% lol!

 

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[Imnottellingyoun]

Im 24, about to be 25 in a couple weeks, But lately I've been thinking about what i've learned over the first half of my 20's. Some of my lessons:


Don’t take yourself too seriously. I was solely chasing financial success when I was in my early 20’s, and around the beginning of the pandemic I had an honest conversation with myself, and came to terms that I wasn’t happy only chasing money. I was really caught up in self help and hustle culture, and thought I was so much smarter than all the people who were out with their friends on the weekends. Looking back, I should have spent more time with my friends and taken more social opportunities the past 3-4 years. Will you be the next billionaire if you decide to have a social life and pursue entrepreneurship? Probably not, but that doesn’t matter to me.


Stay out of consumer debt as much as humanly possible, Student loans, car loans, credit cards.The only exception I would personally make is a reasonable mortgage, but even then there would have to be certain circumstances. Don’t confuse this with business debt, such as a loan on a multi unit property. If you read MJ’s books, you should understand that consumer debt is a ball and shackle around your ankle. The more debt you have, the less freedom you have. Drive the old Toyota, live in an affordable apartment/get roommates. It's not sexy, but its a lot better than being a total slave.


Care about your appearance. I used to not care about how I looked, I had a bad haircut, no sense of style, and low self confidence. But something amazing happened when I started hitting the gym, wearing stylish clothes, and getting a better haircut; I had way more self confidence. All of the sudden I was talking to strangers, girls I found attractive, got invited out more, and became an overall social person. People say looks don’t matter, BS. We’re visual creatures, and looking the part is the secret handshake in a lot of social interactions.


Also, be more social. The worst thing that can happen is you get in a momentary awkward situation followed by a “well it was nice to meet you”. Other people have everything we could ever want, and it’s good to have a lot of connections and acquaintances.


Finally, Play to win. You may have heard this phrase before, but what does it mean? To understand it better, look at the opposite side of the coin, playing to not lose.


Playing to not lose: Getting the secure job and the comfy lifestyle, marrying the first girl that you have any sort of connection with, and play it safe. Don’t take any big risks, cause if you fail it’s assumed you’ll never make it back from that failure.


Playing to win: It’s doing the RIGHT thing, not necessarily the comfy thing. It’s making the phone call to the potential customer, facing rejection, investing money into your business instead of a new car or house. It's talking to the girl even if the timing isn’t perfect, or she's with her friends. It’s pushing yourself in the gym. It’s doing what you know is right, not necessarily what’s comfy or convenient.


If you play to win, You will come out ahead of most of the human race. Most of the human race is playing to not lose. That won’t change any time soon either, because playing to win is the exact opposite of what us humans have evolved to do. Now that we live in a relatively safe world, where there is almost 0 risk of starvation, or being exiled from a tribe to fend for ourselves, the play it safe mentality doesn’t really serve us.

I agree with all of this. Though being social as a very reserved person is difficult. In certain contexts, I can be very good at it. Like the nightclub, or in a office setting. Other than that, if there's no desire to talk, I won't talk. Can't force me to make friends if I don't want to with that person! Dressing well is extremely important, cannot emphasize it enough. Take it seriously, as like you're in the army. There's nothing more intimidating then someone in a tie, dress shoes/boots, with a mirror shine and with a strong demeanor. And don't buy crap clothes too. Crap clothes are not worth its weight. Think of why women spend lots of money into clothes and makeup, because they get confidence from it, that's what people should be doing, not just women.

Another take on this is this too... Money honestly doesn't bloody matter. There's a reason why people don't feel any happier once they hit certain levels of income. From studies I think it was 100K USD+? Depends on location, can't live on that income to a luxury standard in london. Need more then that... Should always be goal orientated and settle on something you genuienly want and leave it at that, and if you have a thirst for something else, work towards it! But don't work, for the sake of it when you're already a millionaire, take the bloody time off. you never know if you're going to get killed the next day... What's the point of money that you don't spend or have no intention of doing anything with.

 

[Imnottellingyoun]

DO NOT get married until you are at LEAST 30! You really have no clue and probably don't have a clue at 30 either but at least you should be able to afford it. LOL All the best

Not sure about marriage... Certainly having kids around 35 to 45'ish. Preferably later.

 

[Imnottellingyoun]

Don't waste so much time on vieogames. Read about useful topics and start your own online platform ASAP
Don't break the law

- Double down on what works
- Don't wait for your friends or peers to catch up to you. Sprint ahead in your pursuit of success. Let them be inspired. Wait for no one.
- Look at life through your own eyes. Question authority and create your own "style" in how you do things
- Choose peers and friends who have their own style and are not sheep who parrot what they heard from other people
- Life is a mountain, the moment you stop climbing, you start slipping down (this is the reason why there are so many uncool 40 year olds. To maintain your "coolness" you NEED to keep innovating your life. It is a must. Failure to do so and you will be like that 60 year old in the gym saying back in my daY i used to bench this amount. No one cares. You look like shit now. The same applies in all area of life. This is true happiness. Being engaged in what you are doing. When you dont give a F*ck what anyone else is doing but you are just focused on your own life. You become the life of the party. You become the source of positive energy. Failure to do so will result in a life of consumerism, insecurity, rationalizing, mediocrity, and wondering "is this all there is" and "what if"

Funny to see two of these posts side by side. "Don't break the law", "Don't give a F*ck". Lol! So which is which... doing what you ethically think is right? or be a pansy? There's many situations you can apply both of these views. Here in the UK someone got 6 years in jail, because a 14 year old killed a burglar, invading this kids and his elderly mother. Would you say, "Don't break the law then"? You have to have a strong moral compass and principles is all I'll say, and for the sake of the internet, Don't break the law... Lol.

Focus on being likeable but stick to your views. Oh wait, now I'm reading the traits of physcopath... It's funny how things can overlap in a funny coincidence, or is it? Honestly. no clue here. Instinct is everything though as someone said earlier on.

 

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[Imnottellingyoun]

This is what I would say:

Hey Andrew, you're turning 26 a month and a week from now. You've done a great lot of nothing your first year, and now you're doing a ton this year. But now you have to keep up with the work. You have a serious girlfriend that might be your wife in the near future, and you can't keep making money like you're a college bachelor anymore. The work is tiring, but if you keep going at it you will be able to outsource it completely. But, you have to do the work first.

Spend as much time with your grandparents as you can, for they're most likely going to pass within the next few years due to age and Parkinson's. There's no going back to grandpa for business advice, and you've already missed your chance to play tennis with grandma now that she's wheelchair-bound and depressed. Visit them at least once a month, if not every other month.

You're at an all-time low with your bank account, all because it's tied up in inventory you need to prep and ship out soon. Don't worry about sourcing for the time being, get your a$$ in the garage and start prepping and shipping out the goods today.

You got this. I believe in you. Do it for family, do it for your girlfriend, do it for yourself. You're still young so you can afford to make mistakes, but don't make them purposefully anymore.

R.I.P, what I would have loved if my parents were still around was be less serious with myself. I was so focused on goals that I neglected my parents and have a very cold personality at times...

 

[WJK]

My problem with the stock market is how it's all funded by lots of millenials and young gen z thinking they will make it in the big leagues by investing in the top 100 or 500 us companies. if everyone's doing it, then its going to become overvalued very easily and once that crash happens, you're wiped out. The stock market is not as easy as, just whip your cash in and forget about it. Maybe it would be if it was 100 years ago, then yeah. whip it in the top 100 companies, or just leave it in the bank since it paid something like 10% return back then, now it was something like 0.001% lol!

My problem with the stock market is that profits are gone before the common little guy, like me, even knows anything is happening. I don't feel in control of things. It's all so emotional. Then to add to the discomfort, there's that money manager with his hand out for 1% per year. And that's after he churns your account and racks up some taxes due for money that is only seen on paper. I'll stick with my real estate.

 

[Roli]

Not sure about marriage... Certainly having kids around 35 to 45'ish. Preferably later.

Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.

 

[Dontgiveup]

Sleep better.
Screw so called friends.
Don´t overrate academic knowledge.
Get a mentor.
Believe in yourself.
Loosen up, go on vacation and get laid more often.

Whats the best way to find a mentor?

 

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[ChasingDream97]

Refuse to judge yourself for the time already wasted, that was in ignorance, now you know, no excuses from now on.

This is such a valuable quote I want to engrave it into my mind

 

[ChasingDream97]

1. Don't take yourself so seriously.
2. "Failure is the sweat of success." Oh man. I wish I had that golden nugget back then. So afraid to make even the smallest mistake I talked myself out of doing anything for years.
3. Don't bother with law school. Forget about being a lawyer who works 20 hours a day for $160k a year. Instead, create a business and HIRE lawyers that work 20 hours a day for $160k a year...

Failure is the sweat of success
Oh this changed my mind.
I was pleased with myself today because I had not failed at anything in 5 years(because I've taken zero action)
But that also means I have not succeeded in a long while

 

[WJK]

1. Don't take yourself so seriously.
2. "Failure is the sweat of success." Oh man. I wish I had that golden nugget back then. So afraid to make even the smallest mistake I talked myself out of doing anything for years.
3. Don't bother with law school. Forget about being a lawyer who works 20 hours a day for $160k a year. Instead, create a business and HIRE lawyers that work 20 hours a day for $160k a year...

I bothered with law school and used that knowledge for my businesses. And do hire legal help when I need it.

 

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[Isaac Odongo]

. They were really a win in ragged clothing.

Thanks for this @WJK.

You're one of the people who make a paradise of this forum.

 

[LilliPilli]

This thread is GOLD for advice.

Here's the line that made me decide to drop out of college:


(mine as well throw in the full speech)

Yes this thread is GOLD, and you added more gold!
The line really captured the concept concisely, new angle applicable for me

Here's another GOLD nugget, stop action-faking. Don't become, be.
“Ambition in any form — by group, individual salvation or spiritual achievement — is a deferred action. Desire is always of the future; the desire to become something is the inaction of the present. Now is more important than tomorrow. All time is the now, and to understand the now is to be free of time. Becoming is the continuation of time, of pain. Becoming contains no being. Being is always in the present and being is the highest form of transformation. Becoming is only modified continuity and there is only radical transformation in the present, in being.“ — Jiddu Krishnamurti.

And
' "Do or do not, there is no 'how.'" You are already choosing, in every moment of every day, what to give a F*ck about, so change is as simple as choosing to give a fck about something else.' pg 114, subtle art of not giving a fck, Mark Manson.

 

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[LilliPilli]

1. Read more.
2. Ignore "stuff". Perfection is when there is nothing more to take away, NOT when there is no more to add.
3. Do not engage in consumer debt. At All. Ever.
4. Take action NOW. Life is going to get in the way very soon.

Wow. I was grasping at this for ages, you put it into words perfectly (no.2)
Thanks!

 

[LilliPilli]

I'm a little younger than 25 but here goes anyways.

1. Making money has absolutely nothing to do with money. Solve problems and create value. Be ambitious in terms of value creation and knowledge.

2. Don't be limited by your past. Your vision of the future is the best indicator for success contrary to popular belief that the past is the best indicator of future success.

3. Live according to my own expectations. Never let others be the voice in your head that tells you what is possible for you.

4. Fear is sign that you need to wake up and open your eyes, not cower in the corner and hide.

5. It's okay to fail. Sometimes failure is more powerful than success.

6. Think. Be a critical thinker. Be independent. When you turn up internal noise, external noise goes down.

7. Sometimes that voice in our head that is running 24/7 that is constantly telling us what we are and what we can do is NOT OURS. Sometimes it was passively adopted by other people and the environment. Remove it and be your own voice and you will find that it is never negative. Negative thoughts and feelings can only come from external sources.

"Sometimes it was passively adopted by other people and the environment. Remove it and be your own voice and you will find that it is never negative. Negative thoughts and feelings can only come from external sources."
brilliant, thank you!

 

[REV5028]

I honestly don't think there's much I'd tell my 18 yo self. I really enjoyed my undergraduate career. I loved learning physics even though it was hard and it kicked my butt. I met a lot of cool people and I absolutely loved my university. I learned some hard lessons and had some rough times, but I don't think I would have changed much of anything. Looking back, I'm actually really proud of my younger self. As for my 25 yo self, again, can't really say I regret much. There's at least one thing I wish I had handled differently, but I made my apologies and amends as best I could. I would probably tell my 25 yo self that it's time to stop being a leaf in the wind and spend some time really figuring out what I care about and what I really want to do. Because a PhD in geophysics definitely wasn't it, I just didn't have anything better on my radar. Thinking about what I'd tell my younger self, I actually wish I had advice from my younger self for my current self. Lately I've been feeling more negative and trapped than I have in a very very long time and for the first time in a very very long time I'm having a hard time getting myself through it. I feel as though I've lost a strong and important part of myself and I'm really struggling to find it again. But anyway, one day at a time.

 

[Kevin88660]

I don't believe that. I grew up poor. My Dad had a talent. He bought houses with no heat or indoor bathrooms. Yes, he eventually built the indoor bathroom. But, they didn't have heat in the last house until I was grown and gone. I decided when I was a kid, and could see my breath in the morning when I got up to go to school, that I was never, never, never going to live that way again. I learned to be an entrepreneur when I was a kid. I've worked every day since I was 11 years old. I started cleaning houses, babysitting, mucking horse stalls, watering the neighbors' plants, and mowing their lawns -- and that was more than 60 years ago. I was the kid in the neighborhood that everyone called on. I made 50 cents per hour. The minute I could get a work permit at 16, I started my first real job. I made $1.35 per hour -- student wages. At 18 they had to bump me to $1.85 per hour. I didn't learn how to do it as an adult. I learned one day and one job at a time as a kid after my grandmother died.

I have run rings around the spoiled rich kids around me. I can do more in less time with fewer resources. I have gotten my education -- 4 college degrees including a J.D.. And that doesn't count the endless list of professional classes.

I went to law school at night and on the weekends in my early 40s after my boys grew up and left home. I carried 9 grad units, a full load, while I worked 60 and 70-hour weeks. Yes, it was tough. I developed a practice while I was in law school being an expert witness and litigation support specialist in real estate matters. And I was working full-time as a commercial real estate appraiser -- before they licensed us. I'm still a Certified General RE appraiser, although I'm retired.

I've been officially retired for 21 years. I'm in my office this morning working like usual. I still hold 3 State licenses and and Federal license for different practices and business endeavors. I'm not very good at this retirement thing. This is my 48th year in the RE business. And we set up a huge commercial machine in the spare room of my office last night to start a new business. Oh, and there are 2 smaller machines to support the new business. And it has nothing to do with real estate.

No, I don't wanna out-grow my prejudices. I want to use my begins to my advantage. Counting yourself out because you started at the back of the pack is just an excuse. It can be, and should be, an incentive to leapfrog over those trust fund babies. They lack motivation and courage -- they are way too comfortable and stuck in place. They don't know how to claw their way out and find the sweet smell of victory at the top of the leap.

It’s not explicitly spelled out but professionals tend to misguide their children into unconscious bias that leadership and risk taking are a waste of time.

Because if you are busy optimizing what’s ahead of you based on self-interest, leadership which requires necessary self-sacrifice to attract others into you, becomes something that doesn’t make sense.

As a result, professionals produce children who work for children of the others who taught their children a different set of values.

It could be something very small as organizing an event such as a meal or sports outing. Among an event that has 20-30 participants it’s always the 1/2 people who are willing to host. Because hosting requires extra effort in getting everything ready, communicating with everyone on their attendance and put up the deposit in advance for booking.

 

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[DonyaSze]

Stop getting angry at people on the internet.

Forgive and say you're sorry even if you're right. Its better to be rich than right.

 

[Eduard Schaffert]

Hi, MJ DeMarco's newsletter got me thinking. The last mail was about regret and what you might tell your 18 years old self to do differently in life.

As an 18 year old it would very much interest me what people a little older would say.

So just pretend I am your 18 years old self, what would you tell me to do different?

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

Hi, MJ DeMarco's newsletter got me thinking. The last mail was about regret and what you might tell your 18 years old self to do differently in life.

As an 18 year old it would very much interest me what people a little older would say.

So just pretend I am your 18 years old self, what would you tell me to do different?

Your post has been moved.

We don't need a new thread on this, there are literally HUNDREDS of answers here you can review. Good luck!

 

[Jermaine99]

It’s ok if you don’t know what to do but don’t let that stop you from exploring.